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# Does XP
go freaky if you have more than 500 fonts? I've got 409 now...

*edit* Aaargh! Me and that last post have turned b3ta into a tech forum. Quick; be overly opnionated about everything!
(Dr Newstead, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 15:07, archived)
# ME, 98, 95
all had a problem with anything over about 800 (depending on font contents)
so i would have thought XP would be better.
But i've not been able to find any reference yet.

fresh.
(I helped save b3ta! Beardo, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 15:11, archived)
# Welllllllll, loading fonts does
suck up memory at a quite frightening rate. It's probably a better idea to have a font repository on disk that you load and unload as needed.
(shellgrip, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 15:35, archived)
# Does anyone know
of any free software to create polls for webpages?

Word.
(I helped save b3ta! Natt, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 15:06, archived)
# erm notepad?!
:)
(I helped save b3ta! riverghost servicing your mum since, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 15:07, archived)
# Hush
now.

Aight.
(I helped save b3ta! Natt, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 15:09, archived)
# OK Mummy
but only if you tuck me into bed and read me a bedtime storwy!!!
(I helped save b3ta! riverghost servicing your mum since, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 15:11, archived)
# .
www.pollit.com
(I helped save b3ta! aubergene, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 15:15, archived)
# You'll need
Depends who you're hosted with.
Either
1) A server-side scripting language such as ASP, Perl, Python, PHP et cetera to allow you to store variables. For this, you really need to be administering your own server; not many third parties allow server side scripting in case you run crazy scripts that murder the server...
Or,
2) Some external company who do web polls that run in THEIR CGI-bins (i.e. not actually strictly within your site) - this will probably spam your site with adverts though. Some options are here.

It can't really be done through straight HTML/JavaScript; you need to be able to write the variables somewhere.
(gavD, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 15:16, archived)
# Thank
you. This may be more tricky than I had thought...

True.
(I helped save b3ta! Natt, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 15:26, archived)
# You
could use HTML Gear
(I helped save b3ta! helmetcream, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 15:20, archived)
# Postcards From The Pen - Update
Me and my mid-level boss Kenny nicked Damian's (he's my main boss) flashy, expensive pen. I'm sending it around the world.

www.boomspeed.com/jasonandreas/penpostcards/wembley.jpg

www.boomspeed.com/jasonandreas/penpostcards/bigben.jpg

www.boomspeed.com/jasonandreas/penpostcards/eiffelpen.jpg (not very pleased with this one, it's a bit rushed)

www.boomspeed.com/jasonandreas/penpostcards/leaningtower.jpg

www.boomspeed.com/jasonandreas/penpostcards/hitlerpen.jpg
(I helped save b3ta! watashi-wa Evenin'!, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 15:04, archived)
# Polar Bear Pirates, Sinkers and Head Treads
small print:
This site is produced by the Dial Media Group, who I have had an association with in the past. DMG also provide me with my hosting requirements, if that counts for anything. Finally, the entire shebang is desiged to help plug a book, so it is corporate and therefore evil, no matter how clever or funny it may be - but, FFS, it's got polar bears who are pirates - wouldn't you post it here?

B3tans - I saw this, and thought of you:
www.fatcitypd.com/
(I helped save b3ta! Manic can teach you the secret of fire, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 15:04, archived)
# Can I win a holiday
in Guadaloupe from here? ;)
(I helped save b3ta! mnb098mnb used to be here, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 15:06, archived)
# No but the are doing a great offer at poundstretchers!!!
But 2 items and get the third for a pound!!!
(I helped save b3ta! riverghost servicing your mum since, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 15:09, archived)
# heh
I was going to do a quicky, but there's only one result in Google image search for 'poundstretchers'
Man, it looks like the process really, really hurts.
(I helped save b3ta! Manic can teach you the secret of fire, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 15:14, archived)
# monkeys...
I got creamed.co.uk back today.
They said sorry for taking it away. Silly moos.
(I helped save b3ta! Hugo Rune, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 15:03, archived)
# have you recently
been retagged too?
(I helped save b3ta! Manic can teach you the secret of fire, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 15:06, archived)
# milked.co.uk
wheeeeeeee

ooohhh milky wheeeeeeeee
(I helped save b3ta! popt_art, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 15:08, archived)
# I have shellsuit.com
Believe it or not...
(I helped save b3ta! TooMuch2AM, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 15:33, archived)
# well done
did you rap them across the knuckles
(I helped save b3ta! Thor_sonofodin has done things, terrible things on, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 15:09, archived)
# I saw her first!!! She's mine!!! All mine I tell you!!
(I helped save b3ta! riverghost servicing your mum since, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 15:01, archived)
# I
would....
(I helped save b3ta! sick_boy, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 15:06, archived)
# The buffet at the annual road-kill convention was super as usual.....



-*=Order the b3ta CD's here=*-
(I helped save b3ta! koit WWW.HIGHASAKOIT.CO.UK, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 15:01, archived)
# To which I spazz
this

woo and yay to dead animals, though
(I helped save b3ta! Natt, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 15:08, archived)
# ferrero roadkill
"why mr ambassador, you are really spoiling us!"
(I helped save b3ta! rogan, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 15:11, archived)
# I saw these and though of you....


must have been done already but what the hell!
(I helped save b3ta! sick_boy, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 14:59, archived)
# Respec'
an' a woo to the yay!
(Bob Hopelessness, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 15:03, archived)
# The botany librarian was very knowledgable.
(anat0010, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 14:52, archived)
# haha
woo!
(I helped save b3ta! rogan, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 14:57, archived)
# .
(I helped save b3ta! Hugo Rune, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 15:01, archived)
# that froggie is DOWN!
...oh, I'm getting bored of this silly-talk already.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Phil Kitten, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 15:06, archived)
# shame
bo!
(I helped save b3ta! Pootle, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 15:11, archived)
# That is the perfect
use of that frog
(bluemerle, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 19:28, archived)
# YO -You Could Not Make This Up- Aiiiiii
hey homeees take a look at this bitching link

ahem (scroll down the link for the piccys)

Des Vs Mario

what other celeb body part sponsorship opportunities can we think of????

edit - now with added 'street' vibe
(I helped save b3ta! tstar, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 14:50, archived)
# hey!
i used to work for them.

[edit]and where were you at the bash?
(I helped save b3ta! Thor_sonofodin has done things, terrible things on, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 14:54, archived)
# ummmmm
sorry sir my hampster ate my invite :-(

plus I was offered free food and beer at lobstas house, with added girlfriend pressure to boot

and nobody mentioned the balloons (and me with a ready supply of comedy helium!)
(I helped save b3ta! tstar, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 14:59, archived)
# Ah sir, g/f pressure, i see.
but free food and beer sounds good, we will have to do it again, so that you can join in.
(I helped save b3ta! Thor_sonofodin has done things, terrible things on, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 15:00, archived)
# thats a big 10/4 buddy
word!
(I helped save b3ta! tstar, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 15:06, archived)
# insane.
cheeky repost feva bitch!
(I helped save b3ta! Beardo, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 14:57, archived)
# This looks like a perfect time to out
my new w/y
(Dr Newstead, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 14:59, archived)
# a metalli-woo
no less!
(I helped save b3ta! Beardo, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 15:04, archived)
# looks like an exellent excuse for...

a weepowst
(I helped save b3ta! big daft dave, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 15:09, archived)
# sponsorship
is going mad these days
(I helped save b3ta! raw-edge, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 15:14, archived)
# as it's ITLTW day, i'm guessing yo muthafuckin ho's has all peeped
dis

www.theonion.com/archive/archive_kornfeld.html
(I helped save b3ta! isthisyou?, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 14:49, archived)
# Who yo callin a ho?
Yo betta get outta ma hood befo I pop a cap in yo ass punk ass biatch...

It goes .... dooowwwnnn.. wid ma main man Wes'wood



;oP
(I helped save b3ta! TooMuch2AM, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 14:51, archived)
# I'm not even going to try talking like that
but anyone who hasn't already visited www.mchawking.com/ should do so at once, and download the mp3s.
(Indole Ring, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 14:58, archived)
# My wallet


Sorry, PistolBitch :)
(I helped save b3ta! SpunkyBackpack, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 14:43, archived)
# you filthy bugger.
Has my playa Tomsk e-mithered you yet about the gin an' juice meet-up? If not I'll smack him up, or something.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Phil Kitten, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 14:49, archived)
# that's the scariest thing I've ever read
what happened? the kittens got you smoking crack?
(I helped save b3ta! SpunkyBackpack, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 14:50, archived)
# spunky
crack pack!
(I helped save b3ta! popt_art, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 14:58, archived)
# *snigger*
are you frightened cos I is so god-damn Real?
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Phil Kitten, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 14:59, archived)
# Your language doth bamboozle me,
a lady such as thee,
should ne'er sully such sweet lips,
with words so course and twee.
It doth pale me to my bones,
to hear you tell of Bitches,
a maid so fair, beyond compare
best not dwell deep in ditches.

(I helped save b3ta! bovine I'm so old, even my old is old, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 15:04, archived)
# dearie me...
what are you on about?

And I thought the Tim-Westwood-a-likes sounded silly! :)
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Phil Kitten, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 15:10, archived)
# I decided to speak like the bard
good lady,
Didst my archaic prose bring a blush to your apple cheeks, or shall I be expecting your goode lover to blacken my eye?
(I helped save b3ta! bovine I'm so old, even my old is old, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 15:13, archived)
# It's "coarse".
And twee doesn't perhaps mean what you think it means.

I'faith, sirrah, should'st ken more learning of your Masters ere you seek t'inflict your ill-formed verse upon th' general mass of humanity!

ooooonly joshing. :)
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Phil Kitten, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 15:24, archived)
# Ah, Derek.
Haven't seen him in a while.
(I helped save b3ta! Mr. Sheep Fat Squelchy Goodness, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 14:51, archived)
# I is gonna pop a cap in yo ass
or something, hehe woo to the mutha fukkin yay!
(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 14:57, archived)
# FLOSSEY!!! YOU TWO TIMING WHORE!!!
How could she do this to me!!!:~(~~~~
(I helped save b3ta! riverghost servicing your mum since, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 15:04, archived)
# as we're posting piccies of our girlfriend's photos in our wallets
this is my mothafucking ho

(Mattyboy, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 15:06, archived)
# BOOOOOOTIFUL
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Drink, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 15:12, archived)
# the damn cheating hoe
she's mine i tells ya, mine!
(I helped save b3ta! Thor_sonofodin has done things, terrible things on, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 15:23, archived)
# mccririck was naughty as a child
(I helped save b3ta! aubergene, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 14:43, archived)
# now that is worthy of
(I helped save b3ta! koit WWW.HIGHASAKOIT.CO.UK, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 14:47, archived)
# her legs
certainly are.
(I helped save b3ta! Thor_sonofodin has done things, terrible things on, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 14:52, archived)
# you luuurve the filth
tis a good pic though.
WOO
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Drink, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 14:53, archived)
# oooh
Flashy Clicky
(I helped save b3ta! mnb098mnb used to be here, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 14:54, archived)
# Yon etching,
brings me merry mirth,
more than most today,
so I grant you sir,
with a heartfelt woo
and a tumpty tumpty yay.
(I helped save b3ta! bovine I'm so old, even my old is old, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 15:11, archived)
# aaw, what a cute lil' baby!
and such good photoshopping skills
(I helped save b3ta! Beardo, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 14:42, archived)
# He looks like a pissed Teddy Sheringham
.
(Nelly, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 14:47, archived)
# !
Right - I'm going to take that bloody photo out of my profile.
(I helped save b3ta! Slim has found god. He was down the back of the sofa., Tue 8 Oct 2002, 14:51, archived)
# never a bad idea
it only encourages them
(I helped save b3ta! isthisyou?, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 14:57, archived)
# Soz bro,
couldn't resist!
(I helped save b3ta! Beardo, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 14:59, archived)
# no worries, you've got a pic in your profile too
Is it just me, or do you bear a vague resemblance to the actor Gary Oldman?
(I helped save b3ta! Slim has found god. He was down the back of the sofa., Tue 8 Oct 2002, 15:16, archived)
# it must just be that shot
i was asked if i was the actor who played adrian mole (but i was 13).
Jean Reno (Leon) was a more recent.
But in all honesty i just look like me most of the time.
(I helped save b3ta! Beardo, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 15:21, archived)
# It's Too Late!
We all have it :)
(I helped save b3ta! ooh..anus!, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 15:03, archived)
# And now the weather
with Carol Kirkwood. I see you're in Hell today, Carol.



Yes, and it is GOOOORGEOUS down here today...
(The Werejackal, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 14:40, archived)
# I like her
she's smiling.
(I helped save b3ta! mnb098mnb used to be here, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 14:44, archived)
# For the sake of the Lord
I dread the weather in the morning now. Especially if the weather is 'lovely here in London and I'm enjoying my cup of tea and a croissant and it's gorrrrgeousss'
Grrrrrrrrr
(And Access is hard and won't do what I want it to and I'm very angry)
(Slippers, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 14:47, archived)
# no it's not Access is easy
I might even offer free technical support if you email me (see profile) if it's a small problem.
(I helped save b3ta! Pootle, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 14:55, archived)
# on days off, Bert enjoyed nothing more than watersports.


Click piccy for bigger version


-*=Order the b3ta CD's here=*-
(I helped save b3ta! koit WWW.HIGHASAKOIT.CO.UK, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 14:35, archived)
# I think you misinterpreted watersports.
bert loves Ernies golden shower.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Nick Riviera, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 14:38, archived)
# hahaha
pop now on monitor screen!
(I helped save b3ta! monkeymanblue mathematically safe, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 14:41, archived)
# ok first class honours to Koit
for making me look like a complete Prat in the office. It's amazing how much they stare at you when you laugh. I don't think they know what laughter is.
(I helped save b3ta! jiva nearly always up for a game of scrabble, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 14:38, archived)
# Apparently
I resemble beavis/butthead (sniggering) when I'm reading b3ta... not good that, is it?
(I helped save b3ta! Baz Fuck off, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 14:43, archived)
# yes!
fantastic work!
(I helped save b3ta! munkt0n, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 14:39, archived)
# Wooyay!
Great stuff.
(Indole Ring, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 14:44, archived)
# woo!
lovely job!
(I helped save b3ta! rogan, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 14:47, archived)
# The Doctor
is in. And I've been dealing with gastric flu cases all days, so I'll avoid shaking hands.
(Dr Newstead, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 14:34, archived)
# HI, DR N...
oops. Sorry, thought you were someone else for a second there.

Word to ma homie Dr. Newstead.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Phil Kitten, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 14:36, archived)
# Hi Everybody!
(just cos I aint done it today)
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Nick Riviera, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 14:39, archived)
# Hi Dr Nick!
(you really need a graphic for that intro)
(I helped save b3ta! munkt0n, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 14:40, archived)
# I promise I will have one for tomorrow
GF is going out tonight, so its ImageReady evening.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Nick Riviera, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 14:42, archived)
# whilst trying to find stuff for above animation
I found this

phantom bart!
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Nick Riviera, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 14:53, archived)
# what up
dread
(I helped save b3ta! isthisyou?, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 14:43, archived)
# HI, DR NICK!
...ah, that's better. Biatch.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Phil Kitten, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 14:42, archived)
# yo
reespec to da name
(I helped save b3ta! munkt0n, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 14:43, archived)
# so
is this talk like eastwood day then?

punk!
(I helped save b3ta! rogan, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 14:50, archived)
# ha ha ha
I wasn't ready for that.
It's left a silly grin of my face.
(I helped save b3ta! Pootle, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 14:57, archived)
# Eeek...
I met this guy a few times....

TYCOON QUIZZED
Lothian and Borders Police have confirmed that no report has gone to the
Procurator Fiscal after millionaire Scots travel agent Martin Frutin was
quizzed as part of a child porn probe.

Frutin, 53, had his ukp750,000 Edinburgh home raided as part of an
enquiry into alleged child porn whilst he was in Thailand. Police
interviewed him on his return to Scotland at the beginning of February.

A police source said, "Some tapes we are studying are of a pornographic
nature. They had obviously been filmed in Thailand."

Mr Frutin did not return our phone call asking for his comments.
(I helped save b3ta! Mrfishfinger .com, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 14:33, archived)
# Overlooked moments of history
The knights of Camelot
(gramop, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 14:26, archived)
# I can't
see it, you need to put your picture on the 'pictures' folder, not the 'documents' one...
(I helped save b3ta! rogan, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 15:15, archived)
# The magic frame reveals all.......
(I helped save b3ta! koit WWW.HIGHASAKOIT.CO.UK, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 14:23, archived)
# the children
must be beautiful
(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 14:30, archived)
# this is a local frame for local people.
.
(I helped save b3ta! Thor_sonofodin has done things, terrible things on, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 14:31, archived)
# who's the sexy lady?
no. really. who? which one?
(I helped save b3ta! Huw, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 14:36, archived)

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