More breaking news from the bustling Invernessian metropolis.
'A teenager who invented a laser gun from parts he bought on eBay says it could blind someone in a millisecond...Although Gabriel insists the weapon would not kill anyone, he admitted it could “give three-degree burns, hurt a lot and completely blind you”.'
Title:
Inverness teenager builds sci-fi laser gun using 3D printer
(, Fri 15 Nov 2019, 22:55, Reply)
wait til they hear what i can do with an old microwave and a screwdriver
(
artifus is doing it all wrong, Fri 15 Nov 2019, 22:58,
Reply)
i once removed the label fro a mattress too
(
artifus is doing it all wrong, Fri 15 Nov 2019, 23:08,
Reply)
putting "Artifus sleeps here" on it seemed like such a good idea
Then it needed to be replaced, put out on the street for collection and for all passers by to stop, read the label and admire the stains
(, Sat 16 Nov 2019, 0:39, Reply)
turner prize entry 2003 - still bitter it didn't win
(
artifus is doing it all wrong, Sat 16 Nov 2019, 1:27,
Reply)
And two in a row, because this made me laugh
Scarily impressive at times.
(
Thrill_My_Chinchilla is old and unimproved, Fri 15 Nov 2019, 20:55,
Reply)
Thanks for this
I encountered it on Twitter, pressed play and couldn't hear it over the traffic. I skipped a bit, same problem - cranked the volume and at a busy traffic light skipped to the first chorus - at which point I had to stop listening as I think everyone assumed I was watching a snuff video.
(
gaijintendo Regular Member, Fri 15 Nov 2019, 21:07,
Reply)
You're very welcome
Edit: Do snuff videos have a backing track? (not that bothered about finding out the true answer though)
(
Thrill_My_Chinchilla is old and unimproved, Fri 15 Nov 2019, 21:39,
Reply)
New Little Big song
Not The Nine O'clock News summed up my opinion quite nicely.. will dig out their song too.
Edit: here we go www.youtube.com/watch?v=iQamw4xxxHY
(
Thrill_My_Chinchilla is old and unimproved, Fri 15 Nov 2019, 19:54,
Reply)
Fake News
Clearly none of them are Bananaman!
(
Hampster Squared has stuff at www.tilla.co.uk, Sat 16 Nov 2019, 23:34,
Reply)
How Thatcher killed the UK's superfast broadband before it even existed
Bet this will go down well on here then
Edit: at this point I'm just trolling, I just find it funny how ranty people get about *anything* being publicly owned
(, Fri 15 Nov 2019, 19:38, Reply)
Yes, it was misguided governments interfering in markets
Which is why it is doubly stupid to nationalise Openreach now. You can say with absolute certainty that the government will f*ck it up. They simply don't understand markets and why government intervention, especially threats of nationalisation, make companies avoid investment.
Governments need to set the rules and then keep their noses out unless someone breaks the rules.
In any case, who really wants their broadband to be supplied by the state? Of course you feel good about it when it is cuddly Corbyn, but what if things change and it's a party you don't like in charge? This site would be a casualty for starters...
(, Sat 16 Nov 2019, 8:52, Reply)
Re-writing history....
BT are horrendously monopolistic and have relentlessly held back our UK infrastructure. Back in the day (20 years) if you wanted digital telecoms it was ISDN or you had to stump up for an E1 / T1 link. I remember being quoted 1500 a month for a 1Mb/sec data link. BT had no interest in broadband whatsoever as ISDN was so lucrative.
So Thatcher had a point about creating competition, BT has no history whatsoever of being first in line to put in state-of-the-art public infrastructure. In my experience of telecom installs back then BT did everything they could to slow down what you could get to force in horrendously expensive solutions.
Hey but maybe this is right, a state-run telecoms operator would be all generous and Corbyn is the man...
(, Sat 16 Nov 2019, 13:00, Reply)
Back in the day, 20 years ago,
I was already on the waiting list for ADSL, which was rolled out to me 19 years ago by BT Openworld. Installation was free.
(, Sat 16 Nov 2019, 21:36, Reply)
anglo-saxon cunts
coming over here, taking our jobs
(
The Ann Coulter Fan Club Babylon is burning at, Fri 15 Nov 2019, 18:50,
Reply)
Interesting accent
I have difficulty with how clean everybody is though.
(
FeralCatMan Unusual disease collector., Fri 15 Nov 2019, 22:00,
Reply)
Transport Authority Information cartoon from a dystopian future
I made this!
A cartoon I threw together about our very foreseeable future
(, Fri 15 Nov 2019, 13:54, Reply)
Literally the only distopian thing in that
is the drunk cunt trying to start a fight on the train.
(, Fri 15 Nov 2019, 14:06, Reply)
I'd like to rage against her machine
(
ProjectWeasel The Bird is the Word, Fri 15 Nov 2019, 7:40,
Reply)
Candles!
Happy B3tamass day
(
cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Fri 15 Nov 2019, 8:41,
Reply)
Ech.
Anna Sentina is massively overrated. If she was an obese, middle-aged bloke, she'd probably still be playing in tribute bands down the local pub.
I just dont feel any passion or personality in her performances at all. She comes across as somebody who doesn't have any interest in playing bass, and just learns the motions required for each song so that she can mimic it along to a backing track.
I mean - as a session musician - her entire job description is 'learn the motions required for each song so that you can mimic it along to a backing track', but she could at least put a bit of honesty or emotion into it.
Her timing/accuracy isn't particularly great either.
Fair enough, she's got a few years on Anna Sentina, but Ida Nielsen blows her out of the water.
And then there's Nita Strauss...
Happy Candlemass, though!
(, Fri 15 Nov 2019, 8:58, Reply)
The above is certainly true. She plays RATM with all the passion of a stonefis
Regardless, I'd still let her twang my banjo string.
(
ProjectWeasel The Bird is the Word, Fri 15 Nov 2019, 9:12,
Reply)
dem dads, dem dads, dem thirsty dads
dem dads, dem dads, dem thirsty dads
dem dads, dem dads, dem thirsty dads
Now wearing out their pork sword
(
custard, Fri 15 Nov 2019, 11:59,
Reply)
hey, that's stereotyping
she does have a cracking pair of bristols, mind. I'll just watch it with the sound off so I can appreciate her fretwork
(
cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Fri 15 Nov 2019, 13:10,
Reply)
Lest we forget
www.youtube.com/watch?v=3w0JZpaHDz4
(
simbosan is too tired, Fri 15 Nov 2019, 13:10,
Reply)
I'd like to see this approach tried with other instruments, comb and paper maybe?
There's got to be an instrument which is less challenging musically so you could generate views without needing to find someone who is both attractive and talented.
(, Fri 15 Nov 2019, 18:38, Reply)
All excellent suggestions, plus the possibility of organising trios, quartets etc
(, Sat 16 Nov 2019, 0:16, Reply)
Happy Candules!
Artist gets tit out.
www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/uk-england-berkshire-50437843/huge-inflatable-breast-outside-facebook-hq
(
FeralCatMan Unusual disease collector., Fri 15 Nov 2019, 22:17,
Reply)
Next up: free hand jobs on a Friday
Just please vote for us? Pleeeeeeeeease?!?!?
Title:
Labour pledges free broadband for all
(, Fri 15 Nov 2019, 7:15, Reply)
I was going to post this last night before I went to bed but my internet connection went down.
(
Prufrock Lucifer, son of the morning!, Fri 15 Nov 2019, 7:25,
Reply)
Hang on
I don't want to use BT, they're shit. We use Hyperoptic, because BT refused to put fibre into our building
What happens to the millions who use other providers?
What happens to those providers?
What happens to the people who work for them?
AHAHAHAHAHHAHA!
"A new entity, British Broadband, would run the network, with maintenance - estimated to cost £230m a year - to be covered by the new tax on companies such as Apple and Google."
They don't pay tax as it is. Why would they pay a new tax?
(
evil_andy Stick stick stick stick sticky sticky stick stick, Fri 15 Nov 2019, 7:30,
Reply)
I hear this argument a surprising amount from the right, it's all a variation of this:
"you can't tax billionaires because they'll just avoid it"
I wonder if it's an idea deliberately circulated by the rich, or merely a defense adopted by those suffering from stockholm syndrome who now think they're one of them
(
cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Fri 15 Nov 2019, 13:08,
Reply)
I'm not saying you shouldn't tax them, far from it - I believe they should be paying their fair share.
What I'm saying is that every attempt so far has left us with them paying effectively fuck all and there's no reason to believe that any further attempts will go better. It looks more like a feel-good tax the evil corporations policy than one that could actually be implemented.
(
evil_andy Stick stick stick stick sticky sticky stick stick, Fri 15 Nov 2019, 13:56,
Reply)
"every attempt so far", is that your understanding of history, is it? The 98% top marginal rates of harold wilson made people pay fuck all, did it? Because the right used opposite arguments then. Thatcher got in by telling people the rich being taxed too much stifled innovation
(
cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Fri 15 Nov 2019, 14:57,
Reply)
Howard Wilson taxed Apple and Google at 98% did he? Is this some alternate timeline I'm not aware of?
(
evil_andy Stick stick stick stick sticky sticky stick stick, Fri 15 Nov 2019, 16:45,
Reply)
Maybe you shouldn't use pronouns if you have difficulty following the subject in an argument
If I make a point about about billionaires and the rich, and you respond to my point with "I'm not saying you shouldn't tax them, far from it - I believe they should be paying their fair share." one would naturally assume the pronoun 'them' related to billionaires and the rich, rather than google.
Consider this exchange:
Person 1: "I see a lot of dogs being walked"
Person 2: "Some of those female dog walkers are very fit"
Person 1 : "Yes, I would like to fuck them given the opportunity"
Does Person 1 want to fuck:
a) dogs?
b) women?
(
cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Sat 16 Nov 2019, 2:29,
Reply)
Or, and hear me out here, we could use a real-world example from not too far away
Person 1) An attempt to tax these companies more is doomed to fail as every previous attempt has failed.
Person 2) You sound like you're saying I don't think we should tax them because something irrelevant about billionaires
Person 1) No, I'm saying these companies should be paying tax, but aren't, and they have ways of avoiding it.
Person 2) Something irrelevant about the 1970s.
Person 1) Huh?
Person 2) You used the wrong pronoun you big meanie. For some reason the example I'm going to use involves fucking a dog.
Anyway, it's clear you don't want to engage on any of my points, so I'll leave you with a quote from www.theregister.co.uk/2019/11/15/labour_pledges_free_broadband_via_partnationalisation_of_bt/
"This is a spectacularly bad take by the Labour Party. The almost cut throat competition between broadband rivals has meant faster speeds, improved coverage and lower prices for consumers up and down the country.
"The current government, and independent regulator Ofcom, have spent the last three years incentivising alternative operators to BT to deploy faster fibre technologies. Companies such as Virgin, CityFibre and others have committed billions to rival Openreach. Those plans risk being shelved overnight.
"Only one other country in the world has come close to going down this route, and for a good reason – it’s hard, expensive and fraught with difficulty. Australia’s NBN is years late, massively over budget and offering speeds and technology a fraction of the original political intention."
(
evil_andy Stick stick stick stick sticky sticky stick stick, Sat 16 Nov 2019, 14:52,
Reply)
unfortunately, the argument in your head is contradicted by the text that is there for all to see. Perhaps you have dyslexia, and in that case I apologise for bringing that to peoples' attention
(
cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Sat 16 Nov 2019, 21:33,
Reply)
The super rich are the most internationally mobile
- so they can most easily fuck off to a shonky tax haven.
No, not all of them will, but by way of example, the massive tax rates of the 70s drove my Dad's company to set up a sales base on the Isle of Man to funnel all the profits through a low tax region.
Wevsee the same behaviours from lots of multinationals.
(
Invisible Wizard - 12th Level Errorer, Sat 16 Nov 2019, 8:02,
Reply)
thing is
Lots of us have to pay BT for the line even if we don't want them as ISP. Which kinda kills the 'privatisation enhances consumer choice' arguments. Same with the bloody trains, if I get a poor service (as I invariably do), I can't just change 'provider'.
On the other hand, when I lived in an area I could get Virgin media I very much appreciated the choice. Know they have their detractors and Branson's a bit of a cunt but it was lightning compared to BT. Unlike most 3tans not everyone lives in a city with a comfortable wage though.
(, Fri 15 Nov 2019, 15:55, Reply)
You're talking to someone who was stuck with a BT phone line up until a year ago. Companies like Hyperoptic are filling these gaps in the market that BT are so obviously failing to do. It might be worth contacting a couple of them and seeing what it'd take to get them interested in your area.
(
evil_andy Stick stick stick stick sticky sticky stick stick, Fri 15 Nov 2019, 17:01,
Reply)
Simple
Just make the tax smaller than the profit they make and any company in the world will take profit over no profit.
The argument against, which is made very regularly, seems to be along the lines that a company will not accept a smaller profit and will throw it away and have nothing because they cannot have a huge profit.
This is plainly bollocks.
Q: They don't pay tax as it is. Why would they pay a new tax?
A: To keep making profit and maintain control over a market in order to suppress competition.
(
My Name was saying these words inside your head on, Sat 16 Nov 2019, 21:18,
Reply)
How much of home broadband use is truly essential?
How many businesess can't afford broadband?
(
Mudface The web isn't callipygian, Fri 15 Nov 2019, 8:47,
Reply)
Finding a job without internet access is a bit tricky these days
Could go to the library but lots of them got shut so
(, Fri 15 Nov 2019, 16:14, Reply)
Where they say
"Look online"
Seriously have you ever tried to use a 'job' centre? Unless they've improved immeasurably since I had to and now let you get online there.
(, Fri 15 Nov 2019, 19:36, Reply)
Not been in one for a while,
but they do provide access to computers.
(
Happosai _,,,,_(O ; o)_,,,, Fri 15 Nov 2019, 20:28,
Reply)
How do you find a Job Centre without Google Maps?
A library? Then how do you find the phone book? A librarian? Then how do you find the Street? An A-Z? Then how do you find the street? The Index? Huh? And how do you navigate there? Hnnnnn? A bus timetable at the stop and then go back to the a-z to fond which stops are near?
Sounds like a faff to me.
(
gaijintendo Regular Member, Fri 15 Nov 2019, 19:46,
Reply)
Most people have an Internet-capable mobile phone these days with data as part of the call plan,
or free WiFi in a local pub or cafe.
(
Happosai _,,,,_(O ; o)_,,,, Fri 15 Nov 2019, 20:31,
Reply)
Not if you get kicked out of your local pub and cafe for knocking one out in the cubicle
because you got greedy and put the volume up to help speed things up and a manager was in.
But you make a valid point.
1gb or throttled internet on your mobile for all? Are you allowed to tether with your phone? If not, mobile phones are not famous for their productivity. So maybe help encourage people to go back to the high street by having free wifi in every pub and cafe.
(
gaijintendo Regular Member, Fri 15 Nov 2019, 20:51,
Reply)
Free public WiFi is a good idea
And people need to be educated about the productivity potential of their phones beyond WhatsApp
(
Mudface The web isn't callipygian, Sat 16 Nov 2019, 4:57,
Reply)
I'm voting Conservative this year because I'd much rather be seen as a cunt than a fucking moron.
(, Fri 15 Nov 2019, 9:04, Reply)
fucking zing - want some ice for that?
I never thought I'd say it but I'm voting libdem. Caroline Lucas will landslide anyway.
(
The Ann Coulter Fan Club Babylon is burning at, Fri 15 Nov 2019, 18:28,
Reply)
As long as it doesn't let a Tory win
Then great.
Not that it's any of my fucking business who you vote for... but voting Lib Dem to see a Tory elected is a tragedy.
(, Fri 15 Nov 2019, 21:17, Reply)
The really fun but is
that nationalisation of telecom providers isn't allowed under EU law.
They'd have to leave first.
(
Tusk knows where you live, Fri 15 Nov 2019, 11:46,
Reply)
From "THE TREATY ON THE FUNCTIONING OF THE EUROPEAN UNION"
Save as otherwise provided in the Treaties, any aid granted by a Member State or through State
resources in any form whatsoever which distorts or threatens to distort competition by favouring
certain undertakings or the production of certain goods shall, in so far as it affects trade between
Member States, be incompatible with the internal market.
All it would take is one other telecom provider, not necessary from the UK, to take the government to court.
(
Tusk knows where you live, Fri 15 Nov 2019, 20:41,
Reply)
i0.wp.com/media.boingboing.net/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/vu9tthndzagi6bbas3gq.jpg
(
artifus is doing it all wrong, Fri 15 Nov 2019, 21:41,
Reply)
"distorts competition" being the important part there
Last time I checked, Deutsche Telekom were still state-owned, or at least in part. Same with the French and their trains.
(
jonbob loves you, Fri 15 Nov 2019, 22:25,
Reply)
The state owns shares in the company. That's quite different from nationalisation.
As theoretically, any company could, and indeed does, compete with DT, or, over here, former state owned KPN.
Public transport is a whole different kettle of shit.
(
Tusk knows where you live, Sat 16 Nov 2019, 0:11,
Reply)
A Government-run Internet connection?
Ooh, yes please...!
(
Happosai _,,,,_(O ; o)_,,,, Fri 15 Nov 2019, 11:59,
Reply)
It'll last all of 10 minutes before being outsourced for Capita to fuck up
(, Fri 15 Nov 2019, 14:13, Reply)
So....
Do we all get a GEC router? What happens to all the staff of the other providers and their staff currently selling their services built on BT Openworld services and what happens when the IT staff go on strike for better pay and the entirety of the UK broadband network goes off for a week? Is Graham Linehan writing their manifesto for them?
(
slartifartfast When all around are losing their heads, duck., Fri 15 Nov 2019, 14:53,
Reply)
Frisky And Mannish cover Girls Aloud to Nursery rhymes on Scott Mills BBC show
The wheels on the bus go round. Quite splendid.
With added Aguelera vs Whigfield.
(, Fri 15 Nov 2019, 1:15, Reply)
I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue has changed since I last listened.
The nursery rhyme medley wasn't bad, but the Saturday Night medley was top drawer.
(
Prufrock Lucifer, son of the morning!, Fri 15 Nov 2019, 7:24,
Reply)
Top talents there!
- and Scott Mills.
I have always hated Scott Mills, he is a smug dickhead.
(
Invisible Wizard - 12th Level Errorer, Sat 16 Nov 2019, 7:38,
Reply)
Another slow news day...
Title:
Auxiliary nurse keen to find 'lovely guy' she met in Inverness bar
(, Thu 14 Nov 2019, 23:14, Reply)
Why not?
They have a section in the Metro every day for this.
(
jonbob loves you, Fri 15 Nov 2019, 0:43,
Reply)
Of a sort anyway.
But I don’t recall thinking that any of those would result in the other person’s clothes on a bonfire on the front lawn two weeks later, while the author screams drunkenly at them.
(
wheresthefish Partly filled with wrong, Fri 15 Nov 2019, 6:05,
Reply)
Don´t be such a cynic.
It´s probably the most exciting thing that ever happened in Inverness.
(
Tusk knows where you live, Fri 15 Nov 2019, 0:46,
Reply)
Stop staring at me!!
She might have shared a cheeky kiss (but was too pissed to remember).
(
FeralCatMan Unusual disease collector., Fri 15 Nov 2019, 1:42,
Reply)
I'm Andrew
no...I really am.
(
insignificantsnivellinglittleturd I Like Peas, Fri 15 Nov 2019, 8:39,
Reply)
and so is my daughter
(
insignificantsnivellinglittleturd I Like Peas, Fri 15 Nov 2019, 8:39,
Reply)
Good chance he's back at home with the wife, shitting a brick that he might get rumbled
(
gaijintendo Regular Member, Fri 15 Nov 2019, 18:48,
Reply)
There's something
very Craggy Island about that.
(
monkeon schmonkeon, Fri 15 Nov 2019, 19:52,
Reply)
another John Lewis spoof
I made this!
What Edgar could achieve if he put his fire breathing skills to good use
(
The Twisted Omentum vidi vici veni, Thu 14 Nov 2019, 19:38,
Reply)
Another John Lewis parody
I made this!
If you change the music and take out the dragon, this becomes a video about a young girl discovering her terrifying psychic abilities.
(
Chairman L'Mao Wasp Whisperer, Thu 14 Nov 2019, 15:42,
Reply)
Very good indeed, inspired really.
(
fred zeppelin II: Electric Boogaloo, Thu 14 Nov 2019, 18:45,
Reply)
I nearly did a movie voice over
but I was at work so meh
(
Chairman L'Mao Wasp Whisperer, Thu 14 Nov 2019, 22:21,
Reply)
Looks like it would need to be the dialogue from another part of the movie
Old lady - such a sweet child
*heart beat*, slowly
Old lady - they won't say what they did to her mother
*heart beat*, louder
Old lady - they think they'll be safe this time
*heart beat*, faster
Old lady - but they'll be wrong
*heart beat* faster, louder, stops
*screaming*
Old lady -*hisses* she knows *laughs*
(, Thu 14 Nov 2019, 22:43, Reply)
Have you considered a career in screenwriting?
(
Chairman L'Mao Wasp Whisperer, Thu 14 Nov 2019, 23:36,
Reply)
Perfect
Just add a sub bass drop after the heartbeat stops
(
Mudface The web isn't callipygian, Fri 15 Nov 2019, 6:11,
Reply)
I haven't seen the original yet
but it has this to beat.
(
gaijintendo Regular Member, Thu 14 Nov 2019, 22:07,
Reply)
Excellent!
She will end up bathed in festive pig's blood.
(
MyFrontFellOff ; his mouth full of teddies, urinating defiantly, Thu 14 Nov 2019, 22:39,
Reply)
Yes definitely a Carrie Vibe
Or Firestarter, I thought? Damn it, wish I'd spent more time on it now!
(
Chairman L'Mao Wasp Whisperer, Thu 14 Nov 2019, 23:34,
Reply)
I didn't realise
JL had commissioned Steven King this year!
Fab'
(
Ugi , it's a game of give and cake, Sat 16 Nov 2019, 23:19,
Reply)
"Whereforeart thou balls?"
I like this line, although the pedant in me feels compelled to point out that Juliet isn't asking where Romeo is—she's asking why he's Romeo.
www.merriam-webster.com/words-at-play/wherefore-meaning-shakespeare
(
ProjectWeasel The Bird is the Word, Thu 14 Nov 2019, 14:30,
Reply)
and another
I made this!
“Oh go on then, one more. 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🐉 https://t.co/Yq8vlX2CBX”
— HappyToast ★ on Twitter Link to tweet
(
HappyToast Groat froth, Thu 14 Nov 2019, 10:18,
Reply)
I think I prefer this one.
Even if it brings back memories of the crushing disappointment of S8.
(
evil_andy Stick stick stick stick sticky sticky stick stick, Thu 14 Nov 2019, 10:22,
Reply)
There should also be a version with Greta Thunberg slaying this source of greenhouse gas
(
Mudface The web isn't callipygian, Thu 14 Nov 2019, 11:16,
Reply)
Yol Toor Shul!
(
ivesb Highly specialised Clinical Physiologist crapbag, Fri 15 Nov 2019, 18:26,
Reply)
Narwhal the puppy
The tail-like growth is about one third the size of the one on his backside.
(
Mudface The web isn't callipygian, Thu 14 Nov 2019, 9:40,
Reply)
A free built in windscreen wiper
evolution at its best.
(
Cactus 1 doesn't care what you think on, Thu 14 Nov 2019, 14:55,
Reply)
John Lewis Christmas ad
I made this!
“Here's this years John Lewis Advert #ExcitableEdgar #johnlewischristmasadvert 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 https://t.co/fDpTt2i9pS”
— HappyToast ★ on Twitter Link to tweet
(
HappyToast Groat froth, Thu 14 Nov 2019, 8:25,
Reply)
Great work as usual
(
herd of chickens First part only £1.99 and comes with a free, Thu 14 Nov 2019, 8:44,
Reply)
NYC kids are the worst
(
BorisKarloff is in the back of the classroom forever, Thu 14 Nov 2019, 2:08,
Reply)
Is that the Lidl Christmas ad?
(
Prufrock Lucifer, son of the morning!, Thu 14 Nov 2019, 11:25,
Reply)
Fake innit?
I'm sure there's a few of those 'giant black guy throws short arse about' videos online.
(, Thu 14 Nov 2019, 13:47, Reply)
the future?
not sure what the range is like, but this guy flys on this hoverboard.
(, Wed 13 Nov 2019, 23:53, Reply)
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