I'm curruntly working in lovely, modern offices
There are Plasma TVs on the walls, and projectors showing Casablanca and Some Like It Hot on loop. We have pictures of Marilyn Monroe on most of the walls, and really fancy lighting coming down in big spikes from the ceiling.

However, in the toilets there are photos of Angelina Jolie topless and Cameron Diaz in her pants overlooking the urinals, there are photos of Jordan and other glamour models (sophisticated ones, not filth) in the cubicles, and when I first saw them I thought I'd accidentally walked into some sort of futuristic wanking station.

I can't help but find peeing with Jolie and Diaz looking over my shoulders a bit off-putting. If you could have anyone watch you pee, who would it be, and why?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 15:59, 35 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

you know what's shit?
pith.

I'm kind of fussy over texture of food and stuff. a lot of fruits are only just bearable to me, despite the taste being awesome.

I've recently started eating satsumas and stuff after discovering that I like them enough to make it worthwhile, but it takes me ages because I have to carefully remove as much pith as possible from each segment.

what things can you not stand that other people seem to not mind, or not consider?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 15:52, 46 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

What would make you happy, at least, for the time being?
And what do you plan on doing about it?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 14:31, 19 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I've been having an email conversation with a friend about my halloween party at the weekend
she was asking about apple bobbing and other such halloween staples, and I said I wasn't sure how many of the party-goers would be party game type people and that the extent of gaming would be determined on the night.

she replied "I'm confused...what else are people going to do? drink and chat I spose...."

I think one of my good friends has forgotten how to party...
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 14:18, 48 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I drew a picture for PsychoChomp
www.b3tards.com/u/e908521f1c6e8c370697/281009.jpg
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 14:02, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

God I'm bored.
I need something exciting to happen. I have exciting things happening in the near future but I want something exciting to happen right now. The last exciting thing that happened was my trip oop north to visit Tourettes and Davros but that was weeks ago. I must have something exciting happen now or else I'll go quite mad.

Any ideas?
( girlinthehole, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 12:56, 104 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Lynch mob, anyone?
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/cambridgeshire/8329496.stm

I fetch me pitchfork and flickery torch...
(stimpy, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 12:09, 33 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I started my day with a mexican wave
How the bloody hell are you and how did you start your day?
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 28 Oct 2009, 11:03, 94 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Right, someone here must know
what exactly is Google Wave. What does it actually do? I have heard lots about it being great and easy to use and pwerful etc, but I don't have a clue what it is.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 10:38, 14 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

It's a bit moany in here today, so to lighten the mood

I just went to the loo and let rip with a massive fart and burp at the same time! This amused me no end as I'm a juvenile twat, but I did worry that the burp was made of fart and my breath now smells of poo.

What awesome/disgusting things has your body done recently?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 9:59, 19 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I've got a great idea.
Lets go and sail our little yacht in the most dangerous waters in the world. I'm sure those pirate chaps will leave us alone, if they exist at all anyway. Their distance perception must be crap with only one eye each, and those peg legs must really hinder their bording abilities.

Anyone coming?

Alternatively.. Are those two twunts who so stupidly or naiively thought that pointing their boat towards the horn of africa, worth rescuing or paying a fucking ransom for?

Bonus question, A friend of thiers has said they are not rich. I have a thought on this, They have sufficient money to doss round the world in a boat, without having to work. I can't afford to do that. So, what do you think constitutes "richness" in our cash strapped times?
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 7:18, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Buggering web design clients.
Help please! He's convinced he's using IE8, and states the page won't load properly (form elements all over the place or something) yet I've tested it and it works fine. Anyone got any ideas?

Here's the link, incidentally:

onlineworldradiotest.110mb.com/index.php

That is, if anyone can be bothered to check the source code to see if I am being an arse or not.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Wed 28 Oct 2009, 0:39, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Anyone see James May's new series tonight?
Where he got a bunch of schoolkids to make a life-sized Airfix model of a Spitfire?

I'm not ashamed to admit that I was grinning like a mong by the end of it. Can't wait for the lego house.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 27 Oct 2009, 22:08, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Any non-HSH people about?
not that I have anything against HSHers, but I know how timid some of the rest of you are and feel that I should post something so you have somewhere to go.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 20:17, 86 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Althegeordie.
He's a top bloke, a fine upstanding member of this online forum. There are a lot of things that can be liked about a man like that, for example, his sharp taste in clothes, and his sharper whit.

A few times I've meet this fellow, and although I can't remember much about what was said, the feeling of content has stayed with me.

I quite like to think that one day, if I work really really hard, and have just a little bit of luck, i'll be in the boat he's in now.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 20:16, 14 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I bought Beer on the way home!


Better late than never...
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Tue 27 Oct 2009, 19:34, 17 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

My silly flatmate
He's managed to do something strange to my USB pendrive. My laptop won't recognise it and won't let me format it.

Any suggestions?
(Meya, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 17:36, 25 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I was going to use my intiative,
but no one told me to.
( @RBFesquire Good luck b3ta, was nice knowing you. So long., Tue 27 Oct 2009, 16:55, 12 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I have had a blood transfusion
story here www.b3ta.com/questions/blood/post217647 in case you care. but My question is this, if the blood they gave me is supposed to be clean and screened etc. why can't I return the favour and give blood myself? Any clever b3tans know? The blood service people didn't even know last week.
( Peej, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 16:43, 33 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

So which famous person would play you in a film about your life?
I can't think of one but someone who was a mixture of Brigette Neilson and Kathy Burke would play me.
( girlinthehole, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 15:53, 103 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

At lunchtime I attended a leaving do for a friend I used to work with
She told me that the highlight of her twenty-year planning career was the week I started working with her.

What awful, despicable, atrocious, terrible IRL lies have you been told recently?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 14:47, 44 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Laptop jiggered.
Anyone know where I can safely get a boot disc for Windows XP Home Edition? I used a superspyware download to remove a virus and on uninstalling it wiped out some of my registry, which is now stopping me starting in safe mode and keeps shutting down.

Any help appreciated especially if it does not involve 'I Love Horses'.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 13:46, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

So people...
having just caught up on some of today's threads (very funny, well done all of you, have a gold star and a mars bar) something caught my eye (I'm doing a lot of catching today...) about girls never liking their size.

So, my question is...

Boy or girl, man or woman, male or female, or in between: are you happy with your physical shape and size?
If you are which bit do you like best and why, if not what don't you like and would you consider doing anything to change it?
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 12:24, 139 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I can't make any decisions on my own -
how can you help me?

Alternatively: my computer's broken, how do I fix it? What mobile phone should I get?
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 10:58, 69 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Transparent Text?
How would I recreate THIS kind of transparent text in Illustrator?

Thanks for all your replies
( applehead herp derp, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 10:41, 56 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

*WARNING* My sperm is extremely fattening
Some of you may remember that a few weeks ago I found the girl I lost my virginity to on FaceBook. She still looked really pretty and lovely and nice, her cute little chin dimple looked as sweet as ever, so I contacted her and we agreed to go out for a drink last week.

Her FaceBook pictures were all from the waist up. Poor, lovely, lovely Jade was trying to hide the fact that she has now got an arse that looks like a couple of watermelons trying to burst their way out of a denim prison.
Worse still, yesterday I bumped into the last girl I slept with before getting with my Mrs, and she too has swollen up like a balloon filled with sausagemeat.

So, what I want to know is, why does this make me feel strangely proud?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 9:30, 108 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Commuting amusement
On the way to work this morning I passed a car with the numberplate BO55 LEZ. "Best of all the lesbians" I said to myself and laughed like a mong.

What would your personalised numberplate be?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 9:07, 13 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

#1,137 in the list of reasons why the American legal system sucks giant hairy dog balls
www.johntunger.com/legal-defense-fund.html

"I've got more money than you so I'm taking your stuff."
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 8:10, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)