I know it's not links but this is ace!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=-hwVRzaQNkA&feature=player_embedded#at=32


when did you last eat an entire cake in the dark whilst masturbating and crying until the police turn up as the neighbours have called the police do to "animal Wailings" eminating from your house?

SFW
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:56, 169 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

My old man has just confirmed he has got the box at the Emirates for a game towards the end of the season.
When did your folks last do something awesome for you?

The Emirates is Arsenals stadium for people who don't know.

Alt Q: How old is too old to have kids? Yes Rod Stewart I am looking at you.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:15, 138 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I have an absurd amount of work to do, customers mistakenly thinking I'm here for their convenience, am worried about my pet rat and our internet connection is fucking up my We7 playlist
Plus the guy behind me has this ridiculous hacking cough that would have even the most patient vet reaching for the shotgun. Let's go get fucked up.

In the absence of fuckage uppage, regale me with your best and most amusing tales of transport-related woe, in honour of the no flying to fucking Libya thing, or something.

Alt Q - Snog, Marry, Avoid. Three B3tans. Go.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 13:45, 211 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Looks like I won't be going back to Libya anytime soon.
Should you be stockpiling baked beans and bottled water in case the uprising spreads to whatever dull cul-de-sac you inhabit? I was all set for the Zombie Apocolypse but this global unrest thing might mean new plans.

Who would you put up against the wall, come the revolution?

Alt: anyone want to buy some Gaddafi memorabilia?
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 12:47, 120 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

really quick question
i need to buy someone a cookbook with some great meaty recipes. as (i) i don't cook much; (ii) i never use a cookbook when i do; and (iii) i don't eat meat, i am completely in the dark here.

any recommendations? the guy it's for has a griddle pan, a slow cooker and a wok, so it can be pretty much any nationality...

THANKS!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 11:51, 129 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Ironic punishments for criminals/people that have pissed you off
For example: rapists are locked in a cell with Chompy, Bruce Forsyth has people tap dance on him until he becomes mush on the floor or we declare on Tony Blair to steal the oil from his aga.

Alt: What is your favourite bread, I am torn between granary and sour dough.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 11:15, 158 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

DF thinks Dido's voice has 'a haunting quality' to it.
Do you agree with this, or perhaps you think (as I do) that this is the gayest thing you've ever heard?

Tell the board.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 11:15, 6 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Who was the best Nazi?
I find it hard to choose but Himmler was fucking ace because of his crackpot occultism and his incredible round-table-based chamber at Wewelsburg Castle. I like Rommel too but I'm not sure about his Party credentials, and suspect him to have been merely a German soldier doing his job.

Who is best?

Alt: you can execute one British television personality with impunity. Who do you choose and why? PS Vernon Kay is MINE.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:50, 202 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Well this is a whole new kind of tired
One of our pet rats was in a bad way last night so I was sat up half the night nursing him and trying to get him to eat sunflower seeds. Now I'm sat at work with three cans of Relentless, trying to compile a spreadsheet of problems our idiotic customers have with our ordering process so as to avert having to go to Birmingham and Hove to do in-house training.

My life is just fucking THRILLING.

Your challenge, should you choose to accept it, is to take my mind off my pet's ill health by conjuring a scenario in which going to Birmingham can possibly be a good thing. This message will self-destruct in five seconds.

Alternatively, tell me a funny story involves animals. Maiming preferable.

BANG
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 8:18, 178 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Woo! My nephew/Godson starts his trial at Newcastle United's academy tomorrow.
I know most of you couldn't give a shit about football, but I'm very pleased for him. It may not actually come to anything, but I don't care. It'll be a great experience for the talented little bugger, even if he is a Sunderland supporter. What has made you proud recently?

Alt: Monty, or virtually any popular culture reference?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 21 Feb 2011, 21:55, 54 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

So I had crappy service from one of the delivery people that Amazon use
and have spent some time bitching about this on the Amazon forum here:
www.amazon.co.uk/tag/deals/forum/ref=cm_cd_tfp_ef_tft_tp?_encoding=UTF8&cdForum=Fx1DEIHNWYF5SA9&cdThread=Tx1A9GFNUAIDZ&displayType=tagsDetail

Now, there is this one bloke, Marcus who seems to take great umbrage at people complaining and seems to go to the thread all the time to tell people to stop whinging.

The reason I'm telling you all this is that he is really pissing me off and I was wondering if anyone here had the spare time to go on the forum and tell him to stop whinging. For no other reason than it would make me laugh.

If you fancy finding out where he lives and shitting through his letter box then that would be even better.

Not that I let people on the internet piss me off you understand :)

(oh, I'm Pip Bin on there BTW)

Edit Atl Q: Today I have had the car serviced, been to the doctors, built a flat pack chest of drawers and painted them. Shall I do nothing at all tomorrow? Or what are you planning on doing?
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Mon 21 Feb 2011, 19:48, 127 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I'm going to the pub this evening
What are you doing?

Alt: What is your favourite Colonel Gaddafi outfit?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 18:07, 118 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

News.
Reports of Libyan jets firing on protestors, the entire libyan delegation to the UN has asked for international military action to stop the "genocide" happening within the country and to enforce a no fly zone over all major cities.

fucking hell.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 17:04, 147 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

New thread just for the hell of it.
Make food dangerous. E.G. Ginger bread Man becomes Ninja Bread Man.

go.

alt q: I like this new idea to move the clocks forward two hours in the summer. Anyone not so keen?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 15:28, 70 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Sooo...
Most over rated band ever?
I'll take the easy option, and go with Oasis.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 21 Feb 2011, 14:27, 286 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

private schools
are they worth the money or do they turn people into stuck up overprivileged brats?

al q: my friend shagged her new bloke last night for the first time and he asked her to put her dress back on, push it right up to the neck and pull it slightly tightly. should she shag him again?

have you ever been asked to do anything weirder than that (i remember in the "ted bundy" film when he tells his gf to pretend she is a corpse mid-fuck... this should have been her first major clue that All was Not Well...)?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 14:26, 24 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I challenge you all
to tell me about something that is shitter than this:
ipad.firstblogfirst.com/2011/02/18/sherlock-holmes-book-goes-digital-on-iphone-ipad/

Amazing! It's like reading a book, right, but with sound effects!!!! And a 'blood' effect!!!11!!! Reading books is soooo boring, right? NOT ANY MORE!

I have an even better idea. If you get rid of the words, you could have, like, pictures that move, right, of actors saying the words from the book? Do away with that rubbish old reading altogether.

Brilliant.

What total fucking cunts. Because the stories aren't good enough to engage the reader without some 'app' developing spastic on a 'fixie' adding in some gay-ass 'horses' hooves' sound effect. Just fuck off.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 13:29, 177 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Lunch thread.
I had some shit sushi for lunch but there was wasabi so that made it bearable, and an apple.

Alt: Sex. (sorry but I'm feeling a bit hello sailor today).
( girlinthehole, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 12:32, 157 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

New thread,
It's a bbc news link www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/3418516/Tatt-mad-Deon-27-has-skull-for-a-face.html
This is why people are shit.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 10:54, 185 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Good day, peasants.
Hope you had a pleasant weekend. Mine was a mixture of fantastic and utterly miserable.

Anything good happening to you this week?
Alt: High point of the weekend?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 8:43, 127 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Woo hoo!
It's back!

Erm, have you had a good weekend?

Alt Q: Alcoholic drink of choice? (changed because it was a bit of a narrow choice)
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Sun 20 Feb 2011, 23:40, 12 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Portobello Mushrooms
Discuss.
(2_Killer_Mockingbirds Listened to all the same songs on, Sat 19 Feb 2011, 22:13, 6 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

So...
Gambling.

There is a great deal of stigma attached to gambling as some of the comments on this thread show. But is it that bad, really?
( Hdjejjwsjdjjf LOOK, Sat 19 Feb 2011, 19:19, 15 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

The rest of the boards have a banner across the top saying b3ta will be down for maintenance tomorrow.
This was a public service announcement bought to you by Boredom™
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Sat 19 Feb 2011, 17:11, 36 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

A pigeon just flew into my window.
What do I do when I catch one to make pigeon fois gras?

Alternatively, do you like sea guls? I like them, it reminds me of childhood holidays. Without the chips... as we were poor.
(feedingtimeatthezoo day 1 of his bikini diet started, Sat 19 Feb 2011, 13:52, 5 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Alright wankers?
Doin' owt fun today?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 19 Feb 2011, 12:33, 47 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

se is simple terms.. ascii is ok
Why did Thatcher close the coal mines?
(feedingtimeatthezoo day 1 of his bikini diet started, Sat 19 Feb 2011, 4:46, 3 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Got a mate who does analysis for google
sent me:

Best query I've seen all day
"christian places to get tested for STDs"

Funniest thing you've seen recently?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sat 19 Feb 2011, 2:10, 3 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Talk.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 21:48, 170 replies, latest was 15 years ago)