so i'm stuck in lectures all day but with sneaky wi-fi access
and of course this is the one day you lot all decide to have a life... muy typico.

anyone got any gossip from last night? BERK, i am looking at YOU! or otherwise just make something up, we'll never know.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 26 Mar 2011, 9:03, 149 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Bad new's I'm not dead
Almost died laughing though www.youtube.com/watch?v=8lIR2NKY98c

Also the cunts in the club are playing super loud live music. I need to be moar drunk to appreciate it
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 23:38, 2501 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Have you all died?
I have two more hours of work left :(((
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 19:00, 150 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I find it funny that Monty hates talking about lunch so much
yet plasters the internet with pictures of his breakfast

As you were.

What you want a question as well, erm, do you give a shit about motor racing? Who do you want to win things? Do you like racing? Are you racing towards anything right now? Are you holding a pie and running away from Al? Are you laughing as he falls over and gets stuck on his back like some kind of bloated tortoise? Are you watching in horror as Monty skins him and makes a three piece suit, a new rug, several cusion covers and a rather fetching guitar case with real teeth decorations? Is Monty trying to sell you the case for an over inflated price so he can pay his morgage? Have you noticed Chompy hiding in the bushes watching the exchange?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 15:27, 131 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

That thread is bogged down in buttery goodness and poor spelling
So donkeys. Useful pack animals or just shit horses?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 14:28, 190 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

No one cares about al getting even older and probably fatter.

people who drink hot water by itself are weird. Discuss.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 13:21, 186 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

it's Al's birthday, so let's all sing him a song
Hail to the busshitter busshitter bussshitter, hail to the busshitter busshitter man. He skids on the grass and dogs sniff his arse. Hail to the busshitter bussshitter man.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 13:06, 30 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I call lunch thread
as the last one has conked out.

Lunch thread with a generic "What are you up to this weekend" on the side

Alt:
Pants
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 12:26, 232 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

What are the best and worst physical or personality traits you inherited from your parents?
My mum's creativity and curly hair and my dad's not-suffering-fools I reckon.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 10:24, 213 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

It is nearly the weekend
Any of you exciting internet people doing anything exciting in real life?

I have to work on Sunday, but tomorrow I will be taking the dogs over the moors

Alt WKD blue - good or bad?
(CheatingRabbit, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 8:30, 273 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

What's up bitches?
I see it's all the same old shit on here.
(nolongernuts, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 2:54, 7 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Evening!
To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.
( girlinthehole, Thu 24 Mar 2011, 19:33, 29 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

The Name of the Helper
My short story The Name of the Helper is now online.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Thu 24 Mar 2011, 17:17, 24 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

BAM
www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-12825688

Darth, here's your explanation
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 24 Mar 2011, 15:26, 119 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

New thread is new, unsullied, virginal and unaware of the filth and crassness we are about to inflict upon it.
Do your worst.

Alt: What characteristic would you like to share with another B3tan?
( girlinthehole, Thu 24 Mar 2011, 14:00, 167 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Do you believe in ghosts and/or aliens, or have any interested related antidokes ?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 24 Mar 2011, 12:06, 202 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

That thread is a little "frayed"
I'm cooking a whole pack of bacon at the moment, but what is the best kind of bacon?

Alt:I don't know, something about LARP/computers/rolling on floors/food
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 24 Mar 2011, 11:15, 18 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

NakedApe's face - or even just the thought of it - makes me want to throw my fucking guts up.
His heavy, mongoloid forehead, monobrow, underbite, massive hairy nose, jug ears and rippling pustules of white-hot acne really make me feel ill.

What makes you feel ill?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 24 Mar 2011, 9:55, 154 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

hello children
nobody around yet? some of us have been at work since 7.30am. which is far too early.

are you a morning person, who bounces out of bed singing disney songs with tweeting birds and blinking rabbits perching along your arms? or are you the shambling bastard baby of oscar the grouch and a rotting stinking zombie until about 11am?

also, i have a black tie ball this evening. easy for men. social nightmare for women. is the dress too long, too short, too bright, too sober, too similar to your colleague's... would it bother you if you turned up to a ball/party/wedding and someone else was in the same outfit? (like my sister-in-law, who has twice worn "coast" dresses to a wedding - only to find it was the same dress as the bloody bridesmaids, ouch)


( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 24 Mar 2011, 8:04, 219 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Good evening fine sirs and siress's
what be you be up to? Be you angels?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 21:54, 30 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I've been caught speeding again : (
I need a hug.
( girlinthehole, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 19:15, 60 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Well that was worth the wait.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 18:18, 107 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I forgot how to tie a tie this morning.
I was literally stood there with what I assume was a massively stupid look on my face, completely uncomprehending of how to perform this simple task that I do four days a week, every week, and have done for over ten years. Ms Foxtrot had to do it for me.

What have you forgotten lately? I realise this an inherently self-contradictory question but it's better than "what sure signs have you experienced that Alzheimers is creeping up on you like Chompy with a chloroform-soaked rag?"

Alt Q - in the wake of yesterday's "Monty liking activity which is almost a sport" bombshell, what do you love that might surprise us?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 16:36, 39 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Thought for the day:
"Dickinson" is an unfortunate surname, especially if there are any allegations of incest in your family.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:26, 103 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

This year's census.
Just had one of the pointlessly paid gits call round, reminding me that I have to send/email this off next week.
What's the sodding point? And who's annoyed you today?
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:42, 80 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

men - if you are simpering halfwit like NakedApe would you kill yourself for the good of humanity?
Alt: if you were able to remove one person from existence instantly and painlessly, for the good of humanity or perhaps even simply for your own selfish reasons who would you choose?

Alt alt: should I get a massive fuck-off back tattoo? I don't need to worry about hating it when I'm old because I already am, eh.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 13:31, 171 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

ladies - if you have big fat flabby upper arms, would you wear a sleeveless top to work?
No so why is some wrinkley old munter flapping her bingo wings around the office.

What repulses you on other people?

ALT: Lunch - mine has been cancelled and I haven't brought in anything to eat, i shall therefore have to go out and buy a chicken, hummus, slad and chilli sauce wrap.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 12:07, 214 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

a colleague has just used the term "tweeple" in real life?
i think they deserve to be beaten to the ground and banned from the interwebs until they see there is a whole world outside.

who has annoyed you so far today and why?

alt q - naffest cd you have ever bought or concert you have been to?
( zulu eh?, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 9:51, 132 replies, latest was 15 years ago)