I'm too young and pretty to remember Wet Ham Man
so I have no clue what all the fuss is about. I don't know where the whole Kroney/scat thing originated either.

What b3ta memes do you not have the foggiest about?

Alt: What memes did you like that seem to have died and can they be resurrected?
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 25 Aug 2011, 15:14, 144 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Vipros has MeningitAIDS, but what is the worst illness/disease you've ever had
and did hilarity ensue?

ALT: Animal, mineral or vegetable?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 13:34, 190 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

New Question of the Week poll
HERE
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 12:14, 3 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Getting ready for the big impact
We started making some numbers yesterday to have an idea of how much we have to spend BEFORE the big day arrives. It seems it'll be a little fortune, yeah!

Fortunately, we're getting quite a few freebies; some of them completely useless, but some of them are really welcomed. In fact, almost all of the flat is full of free stuff we've been getting (the small price I pay is tons of emails per day to explain me about my beautiful little one...)

So, what have you got for free? Did you use it or gave it to someone else? Were you grateful?

Alt. What are you getting ready for?

Alt 2. Yeah, I know, lunch.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 25 Aug 2011, 12:08, 203 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Do I have to do everything around here?
For fuck's sake.

Magazines - a moribund media format or not? I rather like The Chap and The Idler. I let my Classic Rock subscription lapse due to its shitness, but now find myself buying it in Sainsbury's. FOR TWICE THE PRICE.

What a crazy mixed-up world, eh?

Alt: bollocks - God's little joke or beautiful orbs of spunky magic?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 10:58, 187 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

It's Thursday. Woo fucking hoo.
Anything exciting happening? I'm seeing Stunned poster this evening but will have to seriously curtail the lolz as I also have to completely clean my flat from top to bottom because my mother and her 'partner' are visiting on Saturday and I'm out at my daughter's tomorrow night.

Q: What are your views on the 'funniest joke of Edinburgh 2011*'? To my mind if that's as funny as it got thank God I didn't go.

*'I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.' Fucking side-splitting, eh?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 8:18, 276 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

I have microwave mac cheese and 20gb left on my monthly allowance.
What do you have?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 18:42, 248 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

It's all getting a bit heated over there
Or possibly it got heated a while ago and isn't any more, but I stopped paying attention.

Tell B3ta something you've never told us before. Truth is preferable but not expected. I'll start; my fear of heights dates back to the age of 5, when I got stuck on top of a stegosaurus at some amusement park or other.

That was true, just not interesting. Your turn.

Alt: What phobia do you suffer from? And what's your favourite word ending in -phobia? Mine's emetophobia. Fear of vomiting. In severe cases, thinking about vomiting induces such intense nausea that the suffferer vomits. That must be entertaining to watch.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 16:09, 106 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

darth is gay
al is fat and bald
psychochomp is a rapist
monty takes MAHOOSIVE drugz
bert fucks his sister
toryboy/freefair is a nonce
kroney fucks shit

what is your favourite b3ta meme?

ALT: are we cliquey??

ALT 2: what gang or clique or club would you really like to be in? and would they have you as a member?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 14:16, 265 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Everyone had got sick of Monty now
so lets talk about something else.

This morning I started watching Scream 4, because I'm really into film.

What did you start doing this morning?
(Bazongaloid, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 12:22, 232 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

QOTW Lies.
This morning Noel told a MASSIVE AND PREPOSTEROUS FUCKING LIE about his fictional egg preference. What was the last lie you told?

Alt: what is the most ridiculous lie you have told or heard?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 10:59, 186 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

so it turns out I've got chickenpox
apparently I "may or may not have had it as a child". I feel like that was information I could have benefitted from early than this. Thanks parents.

what a bastard eh?

Pros: it will be gone by the wedding
I have another week and half off work because of contagion
it could be something worse

Cons: I only have 3 weeks left before I leave my job and have work that needs doing and handing over
it's horrible

Have you had it?

alt: My parents are coming round this afternoon to see me and inspect my rash. How can I avoid them seeing my tattoo?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 9:54, 173 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

I used to never shut up on here about a year ago
Then I quit my job (got diagnosed with stress and anxieties by the doc, and at 20 years old didn't bode well) and thankfully now do something where I don't have to sit at a desk punching in numbers and letters where the draw of looking at B3ta rather than doing work is so alluring.

Anyone else made some life changes that have made them much happier?

Alt: Anyone notice I'd gone? No? Didn't think so :(
(wehttamman via B3ta for microwave, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 4:51, 137 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

You know what I don't like.
Those brown shoes that men wear, they look a bit like shoes, and a bit like trainers, but they are neither a trainer nor a shoe and therefore look shit.

What have you noticed other people wearing that you think is shit?

Alt: Evening!
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 18:28, 242 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Reuters are reporting the Libyan rebels have entered the Gaddaffi compound.
Wooooo, Arab spring woooo.

I told you all.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 16:16, 55 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

What is the best thing you've learnt or found on the internet? (not including purchases)
I learnt how to fold fitted sheets properly and I found some good mates.
( girlinthehole, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 15:15, 177 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

graphic descriptions (no, not that kind)
i have just been put off my delicious burrito by seeing the byford dolphin diving bell accident described as "human toothpaste".

gimme some other great descriptions/similes/metaphors?

alt: do you get put off your food? what does it take to do so?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 13:55, 187 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

What was the last bit of 'media' you legitimately purchased?
'Film', a 'CD' etc. Was it any good?

Are you excited about an upcoming release*?

EDIT I know this is dull but it's SURELY got more scope for reply than the last one.

*yes, spunk, ho ho, lol.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 12:08, 241 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Eggheads
This is just an 'aside' thread aimed at the Eggheads people who agreed to ritual public humiliation.

On account of how Darth and I can't remember exactly who was on the team, can you gaz me your email addresses so I can send you the application form?

In the meantime, have a go at these
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 23 Aug 2011, 10:58, 67 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

A Guy and a Doll
My very short story A Guy and a Doll has been published by The Brooklyner.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 10:37, 59 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

I've just got into work
and it looks like there's been a break in. The internal security door has the handle off it's screws and the security plate around the lock has been gone at with a jemmy.

Luckily there is no sign of anything missing in my office.

Have you ever been burgled*?

* as in robbed, not some euphemism for buggery
(Bazongaloid, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 9:08, 245 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

how long have i been gone?
and not a single gaz telling me how much i am missed and loved or even asked if i've had to sell my dog for rent money
well fine
i will just have to console myself with the fact that i am having more sex than all of you combined* now that i am off the internet

*may not be true but i'm still having sex so fuck you anyway
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 4:54, 4 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Wow, a whole thread about me
I must be the luckiest boy in the world. This has cheered me up from a day where every thing that could have gone wrong, has gone wrong.

But on the plus side, I ran over 8 miles yesterday and I'm not suffering at all today.

And the wife is just cooking me dinner and then we'll watch Hollyoaks.

So, how were your respective days?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 19:28, 186 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Tell me your favouritre recipe, simple everyday fair or dinnerparty special
i want to know what the people of B3ta can cook.
EDIT: leave the recipe you fuck wits

ALT: favourite insect? I like grasshoppers, i have one in the bedroom at the moment, i have seen the 'same one' on my car or in my house for the last 8 years, it's getting weird
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:02, 139 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

I've been away for a while.
What have I missed?

Should I have not come back?
(TheColonel, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:40, 16 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Fucking hell, this is unbearable.
Where are all of you cunts, anyway?

Talk about something. Anything.
( Kroney, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:11, 147 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Dead thread is dead
And it's nearly lunchtime. Ok, we've done worst habits... how about the best?

Alt: How would you stress Monty out?
(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 22 Aug 2011, 12:16, 72 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Monty is grumpy
How would you cheer him up, or anyone for that matter?

ALT: do you pick you nose, bite your fingernails or wee in the shower? What's your worst habit?

No beakering allowed
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 10:56, 121 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Good Morning O/T. I see it is Althegeordie's Candle day Today.
Let's all write nice things about him, and see how long it takes him to be "unsympathetic" to Rachelswipe.

I'll start....




He never rarely whines about things, that's good.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 8:37, 138 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Anyone?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 21 Aug 2011, 21:45, 143 replies, latest was 14 years ago)