I had a horrible day today, it was all FUCK YOU BRAIN, STOP WORKING WRONG AND START WORKING RIGHT.
I'm gonna score me some pills tomo instead and start the week again, I hope you all don't mind having to do monday again, but I promise you all it will be much better for me, which at the end of the day, what really counts.

I fancied a cheap Shish kabab for dinner, but I had one two weeks ago, and you know what? They're more expensive than the expensive ones now. So I'm gonna get the yoghurt/tomarto-sauce one with the bread and small chunks of lamb.

Yup, that's what I'm doing.

Ctrl alt delete, restart, repeat.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 18:23, 155 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Have you ever been on the telly?
I just found out that my best mate was on the Big Breakfast dressed as a giant Christmas Pudding during a game of "Egg on Your Face". I think I am losing all respect for him.

My thumbs were once on TV for about ten seconds. When were you on the box?
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:14, 214 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

New thread, as requested by Chompy
I took my son to a party organised by his swimming teacher for all her pupils. It was held at a working men's club.
I had thought I would be ok as there was a bar, but no - it was stocked mainly with Magners and Blue WKD.
By Christ how the working classes live, eh?
So my question to you /ot is: how have you, in the words of Jarvis Cocker, lived like common people recently? Was it Ghastly?

Alt: For the commoners amongst us, how have you poshed it up recently? Let us all laugh at your attempts at behaving properly...
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 14:07, 201 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

New thread
Hey everyone what are you having for lunch.

Look a new liz jones article www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2072863/LIZ-JONES-Can-anxiety-GOOD-you.html
I got about a third of the way through and didn't have to swear at the screen so I gave up. She's losing her touch.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 12:44, 141 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

What is the one question you've always wanted to ask your parents but have never had the balls to ask?
Alt: What should I get my wife to celebrate us having been married for six months in a few days time (needs to be inexpensive but not look cheap)?

Alt Alt: Worst thing about December?

EDITED due Tangled's pedantry.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 11:08, 178 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

My daughter called me a 'bummer' yesterday morning.
I asked her to repeat it in case I'd misheard but no, 'you're a bummer, Daddy' was what she said.

What was the low point of your weekend?

Alt: What was the high point of your weekend?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 8:27, 269 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Bejazzus this is a very late time of night
But I'm trying to adjust my body-clock a little to do a Time and Motion assessment of a nightshift tomorrow and Tuesday.

Don't reply until the morning unless you're an insomiac.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 0:58, 18 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

This weekend
I've survived JeffStock and my mothers 65 birthday celebrations. To mark this, I've ordered a curry.

How have you treated yourself of late?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 11 Dec 2011, 20:01, 84 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

I'm back! No one cares, time to kill myself.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sun 11 Dec 2011, 8:54, 73 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Oh lord, living near a Waitrose is going to be HEAVEN.
I just had some lovely dimsum and I got some crab pasta, all microwaved, lovely lovely. The place is a goldmine of goods, so many amazing things, it rips seven shades of shit out of my local supermarkets. PLUS, I'm not just talking about readymeals, I'm talking about ingredients too. Ain't silly money neither. I'm gonna lose so much weight having lovely meals from there instead of take-away when I CBA to cook.

Today I chose a really striking black-leather and brownish-gray patterened wallpaper, and 'rock something' paint. It'll look pukka next to my sofa. OH MAN, so good. Only downside is that the waldrobes are over 50% of what we thought. Oopsy, I'm not getting a new kitchen now 'cus of that, but we'll still get new fridge/freezer, oven, washmachine, dishwasher, worktops... and then tiles off the wall, white kitchen paint and then the cupboard doors a duckegg blue. Going for a cuntry-cottage look in there, with hanging pots'n'pans.

I've had a bust up with ma' today, but we sorted it. If I disagreed with her on anything, then I was in the wrong, so I pointed that out to her, and that it's my flat and I'm the one living there.

I think next week I'll get some chill-pills from the doc, denty brain is swelling.

What you lot get up today?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 10 Dec 2011, 21:33, 190 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

So does this count as evening?
Have you all been out Christmas shopping in Hades?

Given that socks are in fact the acest present, which is the worst?

alt nonchristmas: Why is 2012 going to be ace?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 10 Dec 2011, 16:39, 25 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Morning all, How are we today?
Had a most enjoyable time last night, wit Monty, Jeff & battered (Stunned is a big girl who had half a shandy at lunch and stayed home) and how I'm going to have a big cup of tea, some breakfast and watch The Legeon before wrapping some presents. It seems a shame not to go out but it's been a month or more since I could lounge around my flat for a day so I might as well enjoy it.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Sat 10 Dec 2011, 9:52, 36 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

It's my round. Who wants what?
I am drinking the gayest drink ever. Sparkling rose wine. We have no red or white in the house and this was a present.....

I may stick with the pink and move onto sloe gin later but this should be after I've finished the upgrade I'm about to start. Rock and/or roll
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 20:11, 172 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Someone tell me a joke
Most of my team buggered off to the Christmas meal that I'm too ill to attend at 2pm, the rest are on their way out the door now and I'm here til 6. I have only the worryingly addctive Tiger Woods (other sexually deviant golfing legends are available) game on my iPhone (other smartphones are available, apparently, but I wouldn't bother, they won't be as good) to entertain me. That, and you lot.

I suppose you want a question - what's the best superpower?

Alt: Did you know that the Russian national anthem, even in its truncated podium-friendly form, goes on for fucking ages?

AltAlt: Well did you?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 16:11, 182 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

i have a date tonight
And i have a sneaking suspicion he's a b3tan...he keeps asking what i had for dinner.
When in fact, he's a chubby chaser!

When have you encountered strange kinks?
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 14:36, 228 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Car registration plates
I have just got back from the Manchester Christmas Market and noticed dozens of cars in the surrounding streets that had personalised number plates. "GAV 7", "MAN U18" "DEB5" et cetera. All well and good and if people want to waste their money on vanity plates I don't honestly care.

But I got to thinking, the laws of probablity dictates that for every 'cool' number plate there should be an 'uncool' version. Where for example is "DICK ED 2", or "1 SHAT". Is there a big secret warehouse somewhere that stores all the crappy combinations or has anyone seen a really embarrasing number plate?

Manchester Christmas Market was very nice by the way.
(bugboy, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 13:36, 145 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Claire from off the masterchef...
Marry me??
(Gordon_FUCKING_Ramsey, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:39, 66 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

What do I want for Christmas?
My family have all contacted me asking what I want.
I have no idea.

Suggestions please hivemind.
( WormuIus, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 11:34, 135 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

B3ta secret santa?
Gaz me if toy want to take part, and I'll fix you up with a random /OTter.

Instead of a gift, you have to find something on the world wide web - website, picture, video, song, cartoon, &c - that you think they would love. When we've all got something, I'll post all the links in a super duper secret santa thread.

Alt: my smart phone keeps changing Gaz to Fax. Very high tech.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 9 Dec 2011, 11:14, 12 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

I've just been enjoying a good old fashioned insult trade-off with Donkey Gums
I challenge you pea-brains to a cuss-battle.

Alt: Are there any jobs which are 'immoral'?
( WormuIus, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 10:35, 109 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Look, this is a bit self-indulgent of me. I understand if you don't really want to help, really I do. Feel free to ignore this thread. I won't be offended or anything.
I need a load of questions sent in by the fans to Smash Hits magazine in December 1987 for an interview with Personality Horse.
They can be member specific; to M or Paul, or to the pair of us generally.

Would you mind pretending to be a fan of Personality Horse in December 1987 who reads Smash Hits magazine and telling me what your question would be?
It's especially rude of me, because you won't even get an answer here. I'm so sorry.

If it helps, there is a history of the band here.

Sorry again.
(The Personality Horse www.tinyurl.com/perhor, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 9:58, 48 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

There's an advert for world of warcraft with Chuck Norris in it.
He looks like he's had a stroke. What made you go awww recently?

Alt: I dunno, when did you last stumble upon some porn by accident and was it any good?

Alt alt: Fuck Christmas.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 9:00, 125 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Insomnia o'clock thread
So gay midget Tom Cruise apparently has a new Top Gun film in the works. Is this a good or bad thing? Does the world need more homo-erotic volleyball?

What films need a sequel? Sell it to me, what is the plot, characters, title, tag line?

Alt:
Best thing to do in the house on Friday evening when the "other half" is off out to get leathered?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 5:53, 47 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Right internetters, it's my last night in the states tomorrow/tonight for you lot.
Is there anything you want to me to do to help/hinder foreign relations?

Alt:Worst seasonal drink? Has to be eggnog.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 3:52, 3 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

comrade is a christmas hater
santa must have brought him socks
ROFFLE
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 8 Dec 2011, 21:31, 87 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Do you think we could have one non-Christmas thread today?
I mean I don't hate christmas or anything, I quite like it as it happens, but I do get mighty sick of having it forced down my throat and this makes me want to burn all the presents I've bought, throw the fucking tree out of the window and piss on the pudding.

What things that you quite like make you irrationally angry when everyone goes on and fucking on about them?

Alt: The Pub that Monty has selected for Jeffstock looks like a right fucking dive, shall I make sure I go tooled up?
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 8 Dec 2011, 17:24, 152 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Santacon
who's going then? alternatively, how do you like your sprouts? i prefer mine raw and airborne, travelling at velocity.

@RapSanta
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Thu 8 Dec 2011, 16:19, 88 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

The company I work for is based in a big office building with lots of other businesses.
The building management have set up a Christmas cake competition for all the businesses here. Five people from each company get to go down and use a load of professional icing shit to decorate some fairy cakes. I've been SELECTED as one of the people from my company.
So, do you have any tips on icing cakes in a Christmassy way?

alt: does your work do anything like this?

alt alt: do you hate stuff like this or love it or what? I love it. Sometimes.

alt alt alt: Make up a shitty pun joke for an imaginary Christmas cracker.
(The Personality Horse www.tinyurl.com/perhor, Thu 8 Dec 2011, 14:55, 37 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Jalapeno Hummous, as you are asking
Is work winding down in the lead up to Christmas or is it as mental as always? Are you getting much/any/all time off over the festive period?

Alt:
1st hour of Christmas day is defined by?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 8 Dec 2011, 12:23, 189 replies, latest was 14 years ago)