toowww.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cm2gmnvj4dyo
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garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 21 Aug 2026, 12:15,
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2/7 getting a pair of crocs for your birthday(
Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Fri 21 Aug 2026, 12:21,
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5/7 failed after a promising gnome with a hardon(
mr horrible up yours, dickface, Fri 21 Aug 2026, 12:53,
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Where's 2 Can, the fp wanker(
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Fri 21 Aug 2026, 13:17,
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Have you let him in to /chat gold?(
mr horrible up yours, dickface, Fri 21 Aug 2026, 14:00,
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I'm right here(
2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Fri 21 Aug 2026, 17:42,
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Afternoon. Last day here. Then off to see elephants having a festival. All pilled up no doubt in Kandy (
mongychops, Fri 21 Aug 2026, 7:09,
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Morningit's been a constructive day already. Dropped the other half of at the hospital first thing so can have his gall bladder removed - they're doing it as keyhole surgery so hopefully it'll be a quick recovery but if they need to open him up the poor dab will be tender for a few weeks.
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garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 21 Aug 2026, 9:10,
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He's got a hefty stock of dihydracodine and cocodamol (I've got a handful of morphine tablets too)and is looking forward to a few weeks off work.
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garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 21 Aug 2026, 10:02,
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Friend of mine's son came off his bike and basically impaled himself on the handlebars, making his gallbladder explode.He was on antibiotics for a year but since then he's been fine.
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.Yeti., Fri 21 Aug 2026, 10:04,
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He basically turned himself into a bike basket(
garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 21 Aug 2026, 10:04,
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You fucking stupid fucking smeggy fucking dildo(
mr horrible up yours, dickface, Fri 21 Aug 2026, 10:54,
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Are you his spokes person?(
Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Fri 21 Aug 2026, 11:30,
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Just taking a brake from pedalling my vile shitposts on beeter.So you can fork off.
(, Fri 21 Aug 2026, 13:16, archived)
Just got a call from the hosptal- surgery went finehe's coming round from the GE, doing fine and can come home later today when he's up to being collected.
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garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 21 Aug 2026, 11:12,
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YES!!! /BOARD FP!!!Just need to get a /talk and /links FP and my day will be complete
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2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Fri 21 Aug 2026, 12:03,
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I got my one and only FP more than 10 years ago (
Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 21 Aug 2026, 13:25,
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Festering+arseholedefinitely yours
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Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Thu 20 Aug 2026, 23:34,
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Alright, the 2012 London Olympics logo.(
Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Thu 20 Aug 2026, 22:39,
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Count the active users on b3ta.com(
mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 20 Aug 2026, 22:38,
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Anus timeOr as a portmanteau Anime.
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garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 20 Aug 2026, 22:49,
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If it wasn't, you'd be full of shit (
Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 21 Aug 2026, 0:27,
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I am incredibly flatulent todayBig and noisy but fortunately fragrance-free
How r u lol
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Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Thu 20 Aug 2026, 12:18,
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Still at the top, Queef's.Hope you're well.
Trouser
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Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Thu 20 Aug 2026, 12:21,
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How dare you say that in the afternoon!(
Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Thu 20 Aug 2026, 13:32,
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it's a blatant provocation (
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Thu 20 Aug 2026, 14:27,
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(γΰ² ηΰ² )γ彑β»ββ»(
Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Thu 20 Aug 2026, 17:56,
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I'm doing alright I supposeThanks, Trouser
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Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Thu 20 Aug 2026, 12:29,
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I'm in Kõln motherfucker don't you ever forget(
mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 20 Aug 2026, 12:27,
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Depeche Modezzz(
2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 20 Aug 2026, 15:13,
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"All I ever wanted, all I ever needed is there, in your arse"(
2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 20 Aug 2026, 15:14,
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Oh great guysThe smeggy dildo's turned up :(
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Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Thu 20 Aug 2026, 13:35,
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I'm getting more of a Handel's Messiah vibe from it.(
Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Thu 20 Aug 2026, 14:34,
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DefoEdit: actually Crazy Horses by The Osmonds
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Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Thu 20 Aug 2026, 14:55,
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Surely it should be to the tune of Baggy Trousers.Smeggy, Trouser
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Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Thu 20 Aug 2026, 15:06,
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Chuffing great, thanks(
garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 20 Aug 2026, 13:20,
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Alright fartpants(
2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 20 Aug 2026, 14:15,
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Turns out my Ancient Greek zoosex parody was wasted on /boardb3ta.com/board/11430421
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2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 20 Aug 2026, 14:29,
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Obviously Octo's 'achilles heel cream' is much funnier and worthy of the popular page.
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2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 20 Aug 2026, 14:31,
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Is that what that is? I was trying to click it. (
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Thu 20 Aug 2026, 14:33,
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I thought I'd at least get a click from JollyJack :((
2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 20 Aug 2026, 14:37,
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Ok clearly the problem is that people don't want to admit that they find it funny because then everyone will know they frequent bestiality fetish sites.(
2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 20 Aug 2026, 15:02,
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Also partly windy (
Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 20 Aug 2026, 15:56,
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Smeggan and Harry are coming back!!!(
garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 20 Aug 2026, 8:56,
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How does that work with the love film/Netflix thing(
mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 20 Aug 2026, 9:01,
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Love Film? That's going backmay as well talk about Rumbelows, Radio Rentals and Blockbusters
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garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 20 Aug 2026, 9:08,
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Rain! Its like wet ain't it? Remember when we used to turn the lights on and then Dad would shout at you for turning the lights on?Oooh they were great times
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Octo I ruin everything., Thu 20 Aug 2026, 9:22,
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Hey fuck you, it's not raining in Köln(
mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 20 Aug 2026, 9:33,
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Simmons criticized the couple's productivity, saying, "The fucking grifters. That's the podcast we shoulda launched with them."(
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Thu 20 Aug 2026, 11:26,
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The Raleigh Grifter was a highly iconic children's bicycle manufactured between 1976 and early 1983 by the Raleigh Bicycle Company in Nottingham, England. Positioned as the ultimate "must-have" status symbol for UK kids, it successfully bridged the generational gap between the pop-culture sensation of the Raleigh Chopper and the upcoming BMX craze.
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mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 20 Aug 2026, 11:35,
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MorningBoston the cat is recovered. gave him his second-to-last antibiotic pill this morning - he's not too much of a struggle to administer them to, unlike the other cat that's a hissing banshee in the face of medicine. Anyway. He's been allowed out again now in the hope that'll vent some of his energy.
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garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 20 Aug 2026, 9:00,
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Trust he'll show his gratitude by bringing you gifts and leaving surprises all over the house(, Thu 20 Aug 2026, 9:15, archived)
So far, we've seen the carnage of a single butterfly left as a gift this yearand once he returned with a feather and was very proud of himself. Neither of the cats represents much of a threat to the local wildlife, though they can occasionally catch a fly.
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garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 20 Aug 2026, 9:22,
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The Trango Towers (Urdu: ΩΉΨ±ΫΩΪ―Ω ΩΉΨ§ΩΨ±Ψ²) are a family of rock towers situated in the Gilgit-Baltistan region, in northern Pakistan. The Towers have some of the world's largest cliffs and offer some of the most challenging big wall climbing opportunities.
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mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 20 Aug 2026, 10:03,
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I'll ΩΉΨ±ΫΩΪ―Ω ΩΉΨ§ΩΨ±Ψ² you in a minute, sunny Jim.(
Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Thu 20 Aug 2026, 12:14,
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There's got to be a morning after (
Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 20 Aug 2026, 11:03,
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Nobody, including other presidents, they didn’t see it. But I see it because I was very good at real estate, like maybe the best in a lot of ways.(
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Thu 20 Aug 2026, 11:07,
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Washington aggressively acquired property through inheritance, marriage, and smart investments. Over his lifetime, he amassed more than 70,000 acres of land spread across seven different states and Washington, D.C.
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mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 20 Aug 2026, 11:40,
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His massive agricultural plantations, townhouses, and raw wilderness holdings gave him a peak inflation-adjusted net worth of roughly $500 million to $700 million.
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mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 20 Aug 2026, 11:40,
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i'm holding my wilderness as we speak (
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Thu 20 Aug 2026, 11:56,
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oh for christ's sake why don't you shut the fuck up(
MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Wed 19 Aug 2026, 19:14,
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yeah what gives with this fucking dildo(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Wed 19 Aug 2026, 19:20,
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smildo, the answer was smildo(
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Wed 19 Aug 2026, 20:17,
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i am not a number, i am a smeggy dido(
MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Wed 19 Aug 2026, 20:53,
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why not join the wank me dildo queueit's fun for everyone, especially for you!
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MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Wed 19 Aug 2026, 21:03,
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Mine was comedy gold you fucking twat(
mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 19 Aug 2026, 21:03,
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i could give a flying fuck it's not a high bar on this forum(
MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Wed 19 Aug 2026, 21:06,
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i'm not editing that but poor poetic form for using the word you again(
MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Wed 19 Aug 2026, 21:05,
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That I would say bollocksyou cannot deny
But I have other
Pollocks to fry
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mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 19 Aug 2026, 21:17,
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And yet my dido joke got nothing, forums gone(
mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 19 Aug 2026, 21:21,
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My smeg’s gone cold, I’m wondering why(
Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 19 Aug 2026, 21:36,
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I don't think we're doing that any more, ZZ Stop got nothing, I worked hard on that (
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Wed 19 Aug 2026, 20:21,
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that made me laugh when i read itjust letting you know m8 x
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MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Wed 19 Aug 2026, 21:08,
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i went back and gave it a like.come on everybody! if well all get together we can get zz stop on the populol page. like seriously one other person should do it. mof can probably do it himself, actually. wanker.
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MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Wed 19 Aug 2026, 21:15,
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Fucking hell this is fantastic!!!You know what...
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mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Wed 19 Aug 2026, 21:48,
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Bollocks from Belgium Or indeed, onzin, as they say here
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mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 19 Aug 2026, 15:05,
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When they have polite intercourse in Belgium they say "excuse me" on the up and "sorry" on the downstroke(
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Wed 19 Aug 2026, 15:25,
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What do they say on the twostroke?(
mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 19 Aug 2026, 15:28,
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Gotta mix that lubricant and fuel(
mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 19 Aug 2026, 15:56,
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Was thinking of a couple of nights in Bruges next month Not sure if I can be arsed tho tbf
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Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Wed 19 Aug 2026, 15:28,
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Only worth it if you've got two manky hookers and a racist dwarf(
mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 19 Aug 2026, 15:54,
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That's my 2nd favourite film, after Anal Cumsluts 19 obvs(
broadsword, Wed 19 Aug 2026, 17:41,
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Eurovision Song Contest entry(
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Wed 19 Aug 2026, 20:18,
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Jean Claude Van Dong(
2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Wed 19 Aug 2026, 15:34,
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Haven't been to Belgium for a very long time (
Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 19 Aug 2026, 16:28,
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It's a country I've only ever been through, rather than to.Great beer and chocolate, though.
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Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Wed 19 Aug 2026, 16:31,
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You won't find better chips anywhere (
Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 19 Aug 2026, 16:53,
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It's a fairytale town, isn't it? How's a fairytale town not somebody's fucking thing?How can all those canals and bridges and cobbled streets and those churches, all that beautiful fucking fairytale stuff, how can that not be somebody's fucking thing, eh?
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mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 19 Aug 2026, 17:11,
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One gay beer for my gay friend, one normal beer for me because I am normal.(
Cheers Cheers, Wed 19 Aug 2026, 17:15,
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You don't know how much shit I've had to take off of black midgets, man.(
mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 19 Aug 2026, 17:19,
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If I grew up on a farm, and was retarded, Bruges might impress me but I didn't, so it doesn't.(
mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 19 Aug 2026, 17:14,
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G'day japper's2.5hrs to get to work today as had to take a detour via warehouse. It was highly smeggy.
Are YOU highly smeggy?
You can't say no
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Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Wed 19 Aug 2026, 11:08,
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I wouldn't say highly (
Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 19 Aug 2026, 11:16,
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I think about you and most definitely say no(
mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 19 Aug 2026, 15:08,
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^misogynistic 'I wouldn't' type post(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Wed 19 Aug 2026, 19:22,
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I′m too smeggy for my catToo smeggy for my cat
Poor pussy
Poor pussy cat
I'm too smeggy for my love
Too smeggy for my love
Love's going to leave me
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garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 19 Aug 2026, 11:36,
archived)
Mmm had a filthy dream about bonkingDidn't want to wake up from that one
(, Wed 19 Aug 2026, 12:46, archived)
+key
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Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Wed 19 Aug 2026, 13:53,
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Nah I've taken to cleaning it since I had the snip.(
Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 19 Aug 2026, 13:52,
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wearable technology for fish(
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Wed 19 Aug 2026, 14:05,
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All they had before was bassic internet (
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Wed 19 Aug 2026, 14:05,
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The one who started the company is known as The Big Fish, he's the flounder(
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Wed 19 Aug 2026, 14:07,
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Well, they've been online for some timeSurfing the net.
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garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 19 Aug 2026, 14:28,
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I am here for polite intercourse(
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Wed 19 Aug 2026, 14:04,
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Sorry I only have rude intercourse availableSo fuck you, and fuck him too.
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mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 19 Aug 2026, 14:55,
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Thundering raincloudsit's Wednesday!
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garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 19 Aug 2026, 9:17,
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GEO(RAIN)STORM(
Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 19 Aug 2026, 10:27,
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Whole lotta sludge!Prizes to be... wudge?
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Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Wed 19 Aug 2026, 11:28,
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Chased and chastened Jason's basins(
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Tue 18 Aug 2026, 20:45,
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Chased and hastened chastened Jason's basins(
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Tue 18 Aug 2026, 20:46,
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Jason's basins basically broke Basingstoke(
mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 18 Aug 2026, 23:45,
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Jason's basins basically broke, dump the cunts in Basingstoke(
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Wed 19 Aug 2026, 0:56,
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Jason Chasten (
Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 18 Aug 2026, 21:33,
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Chasten DonovanI've no idea what the fuck this is about but whatever.
(
.Yeti., Tue 18 Aug 2026, 21:49,
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the kind of thing that jason king found chastening(
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Tue 18 Aug 2026, 22:17,
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missiles miss aisles, Miss Isles.(
mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 18 Aug 2026, 23:42,
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Don't go, chasten waterfalls(
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Wed 19 Aug 2026, 0:49,
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I went to see 80s reggae legend Eek-a-mouse last nightHe was great. What else is great?
You can't say b3ta
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Tue 18 Aug 2026, 10:45,
archived)
I wouldBut there are many things I would say.
(
mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 18 Aug 2026, 11:58,
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Please go easy on the misogynistic "I would" type posts (
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Tue 18 Aug 2026, 13:30,
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Hey Queef I’d smash your back doors in, you sexy bastard(
Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Tue 18 Aug 2026, 15:01,
archived)
Do you know what, people say that to me all the time (
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Tue 18 Aug 2026, 15:42,
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what are some of the things you wouldn't say?(
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Tue 18 Aug 2026, 19:42,
archived)
My mate's boyfriend has MS and has a legal weed prescription He gave me one of his oral sprays, tastes like shit but it's well strong. So that's great.
Lol oral
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Tue 18 Aug 2026, 11:08,
archived)
I'm disturbed, but not entirely surprised, to learn that you know what shit tastes like.(
Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Tue 18 Aug 2026, 15:58,
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Also wee, guntsweat and dog jizz(
2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 18 Aug 2026, 19:33,
archived)
Gatsby, or so the Fscottfizgerald book says(
garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Tue 18 Aug 2026, 11:08,
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Britain!*gammons it right up*
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Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Tue 18 Aug 2026, 12:04,
archived)
You know what? It really IS great, you're dead right (
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Tue 18 Aug 2026, 13:33,
archived)
lol I’ve just paid less than a quid for a massive beer Could get used to this city
(
Cheers Cheers, Tue 18 Aug 2026, 13:34,
archived)
Is cider equally cheap? I don't like beer or lager
(
Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 18 Aug 2026, 21:34,
archived)
balls of fire(
Dick Wonder β wβββy, wβα΅₯y wββdβα΅£, Tue 18 Aug 2026, 13:45,
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Might need to see a doctor about that(
Dick Wonder β wβββy, wβα΅₯y wββdβα΅£, Tue 18 Aug 2026, 13:46,
archived)
My apartment is, 13 quid a night. Japanese toilet with the heated seat and various bum sprays. Mood lighting, seems angry (
mongychops, Tue 18 Aug 2026, 14:01,
archived)
Just finished watching Andor, really enjoyed it.Lined up Rogue One to watch tonight, which my wife and I saw in the cinema in 2016 but she has no memory of. She's really rooting for Andor after watching the prequel show, hope he gets back together with Bix at the end!
/STAR WARS
(, Tue 18 Aug 2026, 20:21, archived)
Is any of this real or is it an elaborate insider joke requiring years of dedicated research and a thorough working knowledge of Gungan Basic?(
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Tue 18 Aug 2026, 20:36,
archived)
Just as well Freddie revised his first draft for the lyrics to Bohemian Rhapsody, I reckon. (
Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Tue 18 Aug 2026, 21:21,
archived)
Beelzebub has a Sith Lord set aside for me-e-e, for meeee-e-e, for meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee(
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Tue 18 Aug 2026, 22:15,
archived)
No, it's all real.Rogue One is still the best 'new' Star Wars film by some distance, and Andor is an unexpectedly great espionage thriller about resisting fascism which is just incidentally a bit STAR WARS.
(, Tue 18 Aug 2026, 22:52, archived)
I had a dream last nightThat my mom was on the phone
She said to me, "soon you'll be where I am, you must prepare"
It was clearly her voice
She's dead
So you might soon be rid of me for good
ππΌππΌππΌπ€·πΌ
(, Tue 18 Aug 2026, 9:35, archived)
this Annie reboot is a bit bleaker than I was expecting
(
vladimir, Tue 18 Aug 2026, 10:44,
archived)
Gone 11 here. I'm in scruffy Murphy's , always good to find a paddy pub(
mongychops, Tue 18 Aug 2026, 5:45,
archived)
i'm basically irish never been to irelandland. mad.(
MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Tue 18 Aug 2026, 6:57,
archived)
Watch out for the soi ladybois(
Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Tue 18 Aug 2026, 7:36,
archived)
when i was in tarifa was in a place called tomatito's and you could literally watch cockroaches crawling around inside the rotton bar counter top whilst you were having a delicious pint(
MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Tue 18 Aug 2026, 7:36,
archived)
I think actually I'd really like to do a pub crawl with you mongy. I reckon it would be a blast
(
vladimir, Tue 18 Aug 2026, 10:45,
archived)
Morning, it’s my irl birthday Might snog a Slovakian Slow loris to celebrate
(
Cheers Cheers, Tue 18 Aug 2026, 6:47,
archived)
Happy birthday, hope you’re going to drink until your liver gives up and leaves.(
Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Tue 18 Aug 2026, 7:44,
archived)
Well not really, I gave up the silly drinking years agoNow itβs just mildly irresponsible drinking
(
Cheers Cheers, Tue 18 Aug 2026, 8:15,
archived)
Morningglad to see there's been a bit of rain. We was getting highly flanable.
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garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Tue 18 Aug 2026, 8:59,
archived)
Much cooler today in Tuscany What a relief
You have to be careful when you say "cooler" to an Italian who doesn't speak English well, because it sounds like "culo" which is "arse"
Not a good word for your bum
Buongiorno Vladimir come stai?
(, Tue 18 Aug 2026, 9:30, archived)
Sto bene, grazieil cieleo e pieno dei nubole oggi, ha piovuto tra il notte ma non molto qui in londra, domani ci sono piu, in boco al lupo (you can tell that wasn't done with a translator because it makes no fuckn sense at all)
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garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Tue 18 Aug 2026, 9:47,
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Evening I am excessively tired
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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 17 Aug 2026, 21:20,
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I wish My body is exhausted but my brain is hyper
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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 17 Aug 2026, 22:59,
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In true B3ta style, her sense of humor leans into cheeky, candid banter and creative swearing. She has proudly racked up multiple user-awarded gag tokens for creating the "most unpleasant mental image of the day."
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mr horrible up yours, dickface, Mon 17 Aug 2026, 23:04,
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You could buy us a drink first, at least. (
Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 17 Aug 2026, 14:32,
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Fair enough. Cup of Tea, Mr. Tea?(
Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 17 Aug 2026, 14:39,
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I'm on the beer already, ta.*buuuuurp*
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Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 17 Aug 2026, 15:00,
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Mr. Beer, that's my name, that name again is Mr. Beer.(
fross Read your email on, Mon 17 Aug 2026, 15:41,
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They call me Doctor Beer. Good morning, how are you? I'm Doctor Beer.(
2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 17 Aug 2026, 16:02,
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OH FUCK METhey've put a load of freeze pops in the freezer so staff don't complain about the heat so much and a raspberry one has just exploded all over my white shirt and now my patients are gonna think some birds blobbed all over me or something
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2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 17 Aug 2026, 16:06,
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“I’m afraid I’ve been shot but for reasons of national security I am required to still see patients.”(
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Mon 17 Aug 2026, 16:32,
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Well I'm certainly not interested in people(
2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 17 Aug 2026, 17:32,
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Are you a real doctor or are you a real beer, an actual beer?(
mr horrible up yours, dickface, Mon 17 Aug 2026, 18:26,
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I live like a beer(
2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 17 Aug 2026, 18:49,
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You sure ask a lot of questions. You're not wearing a wire are you?(
2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 17 Aug 2026, 19:24,
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I don't believe he's wearing a single thread!*monocle pops out*
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Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 17 Aug 2026, 20:38,
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Gawn FrenchJasper Carrotten
Grave Rhys-Jones
Craig Ch-Aaargh!-les
Harry Ain'tfield
Paul Whitehearse
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Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 17 Aug 2026, 15:57,
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Adrian Deadmondson(
2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 17 Aug 2026, 17:33,
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alritestill in canada for a few weeks, it's morning here, but ning all the same
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fross Read your email on, Mon 17 Aug 2026, 15:07,
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He died poor years later and was first buried in an unmarked grave. How many is a poor? First burial is always the hardest.
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mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Mon 17 Aug 2026, 16:04,
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In advanced number theory competitions, a "poor number" is a mathematical concept. A number n is defined as poor if there is no positive integer m where the factorial m! ends in exactly n trailing zeros. For example, 5 is the very first poor number because 24! has 4 trailing zeros, but 25! jumps straight to 6 trailing zeros (leaving 5 skipped).
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mr horrible up yours, dickface, Mon 17 Aug 2026, 18:49,
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In the hour since hearing the news,I've read she OD'd, she died of an enlarged heart and she was beaten to death by her abusive ex, so the internet is doing its typical sweaty-handed tinfoil hat routine.
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.Yeti., Mon 17 Aug 2026, 7:01,
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She could have been Black, as well.Then she would really have had it coming.
*brb klaxon etc.*
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.Yeti., Mon 17 Aug 2026, 7:39,
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First time I heard of her was when Dozer killed her(
mr horrible up yours, dickface, Mon 17 Aug 2026, 9:23,
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I'm so fucking tired Haven't slept. Just waiting for the mental to call and demand my time m
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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 17 Aug 2026, 7:19,
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Been up since 7 yesterday I'm used to insomnia, but this bitch is trying my last nerve.
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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 17 Aug 2026, 7:45,
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I'm sick of airports and immigration. Only 6 more till back to London (
mongychops, Mon 17 Aug 2026, 8:44,
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Aww, thanks for askinghe's good cheers. Much perkier. Still a tad subdued but the fever has gone and he's up and about and eating. I'll take him to our local vet later so expect a fight to get him in the carry box now he's back on form.
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garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 17 Aug 2026, 10:39,
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If he's eating, that's a good sign (
Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 17 Aug 2026, 11:04,
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Fekin cat took ill on a Sunday. Out of hours vets fleeced us proper But heβs much perkier since having had a thermometer up his bum (the cat, not the vet)β¦
Whatβs perked you up recently?
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garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Sun 16 Aug 2026, 21:38,
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Thermometer up the bum, funnily enough. (
Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sun 16 Aug 2026, 21:54,
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You, sir, have a hot arse.Take some antibiotics
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garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Sun 16 Aug 2026, 22:12,
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cats: all your base base baseall your base are belong to us
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MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Sun 16 Aug 2026, 22:04,
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Knowing I only have a week till my week off And I totally get how stressful it is to have a sick cat
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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 16 Aug 2026, 22:05,
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i had an aweome cat onceit was a stray living in a neighbours coal bunker when we lived in ewell, but another neighbour took it to streatham and gave it to a friend and i was devastated. two years later it turned up on the doorstep and we immediately adopted it. it lived until it was at least 25. best most chill cat ever. massive ginger tom.
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MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Sun 16 Aug 2026, 22:10,
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Sounds fucking great!(
garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Sun 16 Aug 2026, 22:12,
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i fed it for ages before numbnuts decided to take it miles away and give it to his friends. obviously cat was likeyeah you can all fuck off and made its way back to me. quite remarkable really. loved that cat.
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MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Sun 16 Aug 2026, 22:17,
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I can only hope my cats live that long (
Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 16 Aug 2026, 23:07,
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Strangely, I was okayPretty sure he just had an infection and needed some antibiotics. I was right. Little sod gets into scraps. Very relieved to be right⦠also relieved of a pretty penny. Insurance should cover most of it tho.
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garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Sun 16 Aug 2026, 22:15,
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I tend to go the full overprotective mum thing And panic like fuck. They're both fine and doing their own thing, but that doesn't stop me worrying.
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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 16 Aug 2026, 23:09,
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With the help of Federation government forces, CATS has taken all of your bases.(
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Sun 16 Aug 2026, 22:10,
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You have no chance to survive, I use my breasts and buttocks to accomplish my goals.(
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Sun 16 Aug 2026, 22:13,
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Cats are borg (
Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 16 Aug 2026, 23:10,
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If you insist (
Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 16 Aug 2026, 23:11,
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take off every zig, is that what we're doing?it was "move zig", I've flunked internet here :(
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mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Sun 16 Aug 2026, 21:56,
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Good afternoon, libtard'sToday I am going to jerk my chicken in the garden.
u
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Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Sun 16 Aug 2026, 12:42,
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Centre Bangkok has gone mad. It's 3x the price from 8km away. 2 weeks ago I stayed there, you remember, MONTHOP BABY(
mongychops, Sun 16 Aug 2026, 12:47,
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I'll be honest, mongy, I like the B52s original version better.(
Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sun 16 Aug 2026, 13:32,
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Mongy's got a better beehive though(
mr horrible up yours, dickface, Sun 16 Aug 2026, 13:34,
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Walk through airport door sideways?(
mr horrible up yours, dickface, Sun 16 Aug 2026, 13:59,
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Walk? I use my breasts and buttocks to accomplish my goals. (
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Sun 16 Aug 2026, 17:13,
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I got me a kok, it seats about twenty(
2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sun 16 Aug 2026, 17:54,
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I wonder if that old biddy with a Michelin star for her crab omelette shack is still aliveLooks/looked fucking great
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Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Sun 16 Aug 2026, 14:42,
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Seems to be guide.michelin.com/gb/en/bangkok-region/bangkok/restaurant/jay-fai
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Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Sun 16 Aug 2026, 14:44,
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A hip hop and dance song structured as a duet between will.i.am and Fergie, its lyrics center on Fergie using her breasts and buttocks to accomplish her goals.(
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Sun 16 Aug 2026, 13:48,
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Or will.je.suis, as the French call him.(
Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sun 16 Aug 2026, 14:21,
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Or Will.U.Just.Fuck.Off as I call him(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Sun 16 Aug 2026, 17:07,
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Hold Me Closer, Titty Arser(
Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Sun 16 Aug 2026, 16:58,
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I'm searching for that realol/JBlige
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Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Sun 16 Aug 2026, 17:20,
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I don't think I've ever looked at that name without seeing Bilge(
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Sun 16 Aug 2026, 22:06,
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Afternoon I'm employing the threat of Mr. Egg to get the baby to eat her lunch.
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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 16 Aug 2026, 15:06,
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"I'm sorry Mr Rossdale, but the wheels fell off the Tesco Value grunge bandwagon 30 years ago, we'll have to let you go"(, Sun 16 Aug 2026, 19:13, archived)
Ther is a place opposite my flat called Barbies 18, all painted pink. I thought she was older than that (
mongychops, Sun 16 Aug 2026, 7:31,
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Barbie's 67- or 71, if you include her German origins.
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Invisible Wizard - 13th Level Scrote, Sun 16 Aug 2026, 8:20,
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