22:22 on a Saturday night
- and I'm sitting in the kitchen sink
( Invisible Wizard - 12th Level Errorer, Sat 30 Nov 2024, 22:22, archived)

careful you don't pull the worktop off the wall

(sticklebrlcks that's Mr Bricks to you 🍎, Sat 30 Nov 2024, 22:38, archived)

alright Whigfield, the original was better

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Sat 30 Nov 2024, 23:38, archived)

+h
(2 Can Chunder - Work account arbeit macht frei!, Sun 1 Dec 2024, 0:43, archived)

Gooch gouda

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Sun 1 Dec 2024, 8:30, archived)

09:22 on a Sunday morning
Just got my first Christmas card
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Sun 1 Dec 2024, 9:22, archived)

Bollocks

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Sat 30 Nov 2024, 13:50, archived)

no u

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sat 30 Nov 2024, 14:01, archived)

Bolloucks

( brb Monkhouse Stampede, Sat 30 Nov 2024, 15:46, archived)

llo cks
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sat 30 Nov 2024, 16:20, archived)

:(

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sat 30 Nov 2024, 16:32, archived)

You and she were buddies, weren't you.

( brb Monkhouse Stampede, Sat 30 Nov 2024, 16:57, archived)

I can't believe the temp accounts are dead.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Sat 30 Nov 2024, 17:35, archived)

, Trouser

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Sat 30 Nov 2024, 18:27, archived)

Not my fault. Skew hands.

( brb Monkhouse Stampede, Sun 1 Dec 2024, 2:49, archived)

Gunt gruyere
/ac
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Sat 30 Nov 2024, 19:22, archived)

Tesco lasagne?

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Sat 30 Nov 2024, 19:49, archived)

Vs Logan Paul

( mongychops, Sat 30 Nov 2024, 20:56, archived)

morning

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Sat 30 Nov 2024, 7:50, archived)

Good morning
I’m at the tyre place. One of the wheels on our car has a slow puncture. I’m hoping they can repair it.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Sat 30 Nov 2024, 9:09, archived)

I see someone sorted out that whole sun problem.
The sky is now a pleasingly featureless grey.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Sat 30 Nov 2024, 11:25, archived)

You've doomed us all
Prick
(2 Can Chunder - Work account arbeit macht frei!, Sat 30 Nov 2024, 12:29, archived)

Please... no real
Pnames
(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Sat 30 Nov 2024, 12:48, archived)

This was the only way to achieve true equality.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Sat 30 Nov 2024, 13:43, archived)

I've just spent £25 on salt
shove THAT down your fucking japper
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 18:30, archived)

S M E G G

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 29 Nov 2024, 18:37, archived)

I heard that when you get assisted dying, they just ram salt down your japper
200 quid
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 18:46, archived)

assisted drying

( Cheers Cheers, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 18:49, archived)

He'

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Fri 29 Nov 2024, 19:16, archived)

It's no laughing matter m8

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 20:25, archived)

Snails hate this one trick

( broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 20:57, archived)

You'll get home and realise you've been ripped off and given crystal meth instead.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Fri 29 Nov 2024, 19:15, archived)

i spent £60 on a salt grinder
So fuck you
( MiseryCunt, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 19:17, archived)

Sounds gay

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 20:33, archived)

it's one of the best kitchen things I've bought tbh
I love it. It is hugely bent tho
( MiseryCunt, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 20:46, archived)

I stole my salt & pepper grinders from a Litten Tree pub about 25 years ago
there used to be loads of Litten Tree pubs & they've all gone now, not sure if that's my fault
( broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 20:34, archived)

i remember those pubs
Probably wasn't all your fault but i don't think it helped
( MiseryCunt, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 20:44, archived)

What?

( mongychops, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 20:07, archived)

You were done mate, I could've sold you some for £20

( broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 20:14, archived)

The NaCl I get is pure. No fancy volcanics cutting agents or shit.

( mongychops, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 21:02, archived)

Nice one, top one, get salted

( broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 21:10, archived)

It's fun to pay for the NaCl

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 21:43, archived)

The only salt I have is harvested from liberal tears

( $$ ✅, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 20:59, archived)

How much did you spend on dry roast?

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 21:42, archived)

Your nan, free etc.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 21:43, archived)

that's either an absolute fuckload of salt
or you were ripped off
(sticklebrlcks that's Mr Bricks to you 🍎, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 22:36, archived)

You sound like my local city council.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 23:30, archived)

5 7 Cold Turkey
www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c4g7nxnyp2po
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 12:10, archived)

2/7 ASSisted Dying

( Cheers Cheers, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 12:14, archived)

4/7 messy rectal prolapse

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 12:16, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/8432197
( Cheers Cheers, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 12:17, archived)

1/7 ecstasy gnome

( broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 13:08, archived)

4/7 Bifidus Digestivum

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 13:15, archived)

1/7 gnome with an e on

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 14:36, archived)

0: Sex mess on the toilet seat

( $$ ✅, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 14:45, archived)

3/7 Nedjm Chabab Magra (Arabic: نجم شباب مقرة), known as NC Magra or NCM for short, is an Algerian football club based in the city of Magra in the M'Sila Province.

( brb Monkhouse Stampede, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 16:04, archived)

2/7 ̶̧̧̮̰̼͉̱̥͕̍͋̌̇̀͋̐̿͂̏͒̽͑̓͐̀̐H̷̘͔̎͐̒͆̽̍͊̾̄̎̇̉̌͠E̷̢̧̦̻͍͈̟̠̜̼̝̳̺̯̩̠͂̈́͊̅̋̑̇͐͗ͅ ̶͍̘̦̤͉͓́͊̈́̆̽̎͒̆͊͐̓͂̋͝C̵̢̜̞̝͍̻̰̹̓͊́̅̅̊͌̎̎̑̓͛Ŏ̷̡̨̨̡͉̗̫̥̟̫̓̆̆̂̿̎̾͌̚M̸̫̜̤̥̠̼̣̂̊͒̊͌͋́͝͝ͅE̷̥͉͙̤̊̓̐͂̇̏̀̀͊̍́͛͝͝S̸̱̹̙͍͙̏̀̈͑

(2 Can Chunder - Work account arbeit macht frei!, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 17:24, archived)

I think we all do.
Maybe some of the angrier older men can't.
( brb Monkhouse Stampede, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 17:50, archived)

well I'm glad they fake it for you so you don't feel bad.

(2 Can Chunder - Work account arbeit macht frei!, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 17:55, archived)

Well I'm happy you're glad.

( brb Monkhouse Stampede, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 17:56, archived)

I'm delighted that you're gay for me

(2 Can Chunder - Work account arbeit macht frei!, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 17:57, archived)

I'm gleefully elated that you're so rhapsodically rapt with such exuberant gratification that I'm positively chuffed with your heady, beaming, and glorying jocundity.
( brb Monkhouse Stampede, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 19:09, archived)

7/7 I can come immediately

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 18:18, archived)

6/7 NOT A MONEY THIEF, OK???

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 29 Nov 2024, 18:30, archived)

Argh, gods no! It's the sun again!
Morning.
( Invisible Wizard - 12th Level Errorer, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 6:51, archived)

morning

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 29 Nov 2024, 7:52, archived)

There must be something we can do about that.
Big shiny bastard keeps showing up every day.

Morning.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 8:47, archived)

Spend six months of the year at the south pole and six months at the north pole.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 9:11, archived)

/chat posters manage perfectly well by just being internet shut-ins, thank you

(2 Can Chunder - Work account arbeit macht frei!, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 9:24, archived)

Why should I have to move?
It's the sun that's splashing its photonic jizz all over my face every day without my consent. It should move, not me.

/King Cnut
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 9:25, archived)

I think you'll find that the sun is minding its own business,
and that it's the movement of the Earth that's causing the issue.

Perhaps you could move to the ISS and set it in an orbit to stay on the dark side, that should solve this.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 9:56, archived)

GEOSTATIONARY ORBIT

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 10:20, archived)

That wouldn't work, any geostationary orbit will still face the sun at some point.
It'd need to be at the L2 Lagrange point.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 10:30, archived)

Cunt would just keep losing his visor, though.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 10:32, archived)

Oh yeah my mistake but is the opposite type of orbit even possible?

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 10:34, archived)

Depends what you mean by "opposite"
The L1 Lagrange point is on the opposite side of the Earth from the L2 point, always facing the sun, if that's what you mean.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 10:37, archived)

I mean stationary at in a point in space
so yeah I guess that's what I'm getting at.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 10:52, archived)

Can't we just blow up the sun?
Most problems are easily and harmlessly solved with explosives.
( Invisible Wizard - 12th Level Errorer, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 10:57, archived)

If we blew up the sun everything would be absolutely fine and unchanged on Earth
for about 8 minutes, anyway.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 11:11, archived)

Unless you blew up the sun with sufficient energy to completely disperse it in space,
I think it would rapidly reform, because there's still a whole stellar mass in roughly the same space at the same time, blowing it up is just making it a lot less dense, briefly. Its centre of mass would still be in the same place...

It would be pretty angry for the next few billion years or so but subterranean microbes would probably survive and life would begin again.
( brb Monkhouse Stampede, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 19:35, archived)

There is no such thing as stationary, not really.
If you somehow managed to achieve "true stationary", space dust would rip you to shreds in seconds.
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 12:44, archived)

There is no pen

(2 Can Chunder - Work account arbeit macht frei!, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 13:41, archived)

Stationary in relation to the rotating earth.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 13:55, archived)

You'd have to work out if that location would still be close enough for the Earth to still block the Sun.

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 18:21, archived)

FFS you people need to get good at KSP.
You can have a sun-synchronous orbit that processes to match the rotation and orbit of the Earth's orientation relative to the sun.

The normal way to do it is to keep line of sight with the sun, to power the solar panels or to directly observe the sun itself. The same orbit offset by 180 degrees would keep the satellite in the Earth's shadow.
( brb Monkhouse Stampede, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 19:27, archived)

Meh, science trolling isn't the fun it used to be.

( brb Monkhouse Stampede, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 19:37, archived)

It is when you fall for it.

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sat 30 Nov 2024, 12:04, archived)

Please cite examples.

( brb Monkhouse Stampede, Sat 30 Nov 2024, 15:47, archived)

GEOSTATIONARY ORBIT


hang on
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 18:20, archived)

My bum is a mass of evil smelling gas a gigantic terrible fart mess
Where sulphur is built into flatulence at a temperature of 37 degrees
Yo ho it's grot, my bum is not a place where we could live
But here at work there'd be no fun without the farts it gives
(2 Can Chunder - Work account arbeit macht frei!, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 9:13, archived)

alright garold

(sticklebrlcks that's Mr Bricks to you 🍎, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 9:17, archived)

Hey. Look. Most of the time I'm an absolute delight.
I'd say, on balance, I am not farting horrible guffs the majority of the time.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 9:41, archived)

'Why Does My Bum Smell?
By They Might Be Garold
(2 Can Chunder - Work account arbeit macht frei!, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 10:09, archived)

"Why does my arse
- Smell so bad?"

By Moby, wasn't it?
( Invisible Wizard - 12th Level Errorer, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 11:00, archived)

nah Carly Simon m8

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 18:24, archived)

Hellooooo

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 9:41, archived)

Has anyone said smeg yet?

( Cheers Cheers, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 10:37, archived)

No

( Invisible Wizard - 12th Level Errorer, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 10:55, archived)

INCORRECT

( Cheers Cheers, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 10:56, archived)

No

( Invisible Wizard - 12th Level Errorer, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 11:01, archived)

No

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 29 Nov 2024, 11:35, archived)

Morning

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 10:43, archived)

Smeg

( broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 10:52, archived)

Are you in league with Cheers?

( Invisible Wizard - 12th Level Errorer, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 11:04, archived)

alright

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 29 Nov 2024, 11:35, archived)

You can't even call Kirsty Wark a dirty slag these days!
It's health and safety gone mad.
( Invisible Wizard - 12th Level Errorer, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 17:52, archived)

Kirsty WANK, I called her!
The investigation is ongoing.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 18:10, archived)

You are cancelled
No more telly shows for you!
( Invisible Wizard - 12th Level Errorer, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 18:25, archived)

Sorry, I meant him vvv

( Invisible Wizard - 12th Level Errorer, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 18:49, archived)

oooh i liked V
that was good
( MiseryCunt, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 19:12, archived)

I liked it when she ate that gerbil

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 20:22, archived)

alright 'Freddie Starr'

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 18:25, archived)

Hiya

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 28 Nov 2024, 18:22, archived)

Bollocks

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 18:29, archived)

you wood say that

( MiseryCunt, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 18:31, archived)

Lol wood

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 18:37, archived)

bit gay m8

( MiseryCunt, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 18:51, archived)

Oi! Wallace!
NO!
( Invisible Wizard - 12th Level Errorer, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 18:37, archived)

You massive sex-pest

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 18:39, archived)

Yes
- but who *hasn't* bragged about their sex life, taken their top off, and made lewd jokes to their hired staff and contestants?

I know I do, each Monday night after darts.
( Invisible Wizard - 12th Level Errorer, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 18:42, archived)

not me. i don't have a sex life. i barely have a life tbh.

( MiseryCunt, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 18:58, archived)

LOL
Bare
(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Thu 28 Nov 2024, 19:03, archived)

bit rude m8

( MiseryCunt, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 19:08, archived)

-d +f

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 20:31, archived)

Gastric discharge
lol
( Invisible Wizard - 12th Level Errorer, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 22:17, archived)

And yet they won't show the episode where a contestant told Marcus Wareing to go fuck himself

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 28 Nov 2024, 18:58, archived)

non compliance is a crime

( MiseryCunt, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 19:14, archived)

Because it was superfluous, Wareing is clearly a man who'd fuck himself if the opportunity arose.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 19:15, archived)

i have no idea what this refers to as i haven't watched tv or exposed myself (lol) to the news for years
and i feel a lot better for it. just putting that out there.
( MiseryCunt, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 19:20, archived)

Good stuff, the internet needs more pious wankers who think not watching TV is a virtue

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 19:26, archived)

how you could take it like that you bellend?
what a fucking wanker
( MiseryCunt, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 19:30, archived)

Turtle power!

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 28 Nov 2024, 19:43, archived)

Touched a right nerve there, case closed

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 20:43, archived)

I don’t even own a virtue

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 20:28, archived)

What do you point your ethics at?

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 22:49, archived)

this
*points at crotch*
( Cheers Cheers, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 7:50, archived)

Have you tried calling her a midden-dwelling strumpet?

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 18:40, archived)

no real middle names please

( MiseryCunt, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 18:59, archived)

I thought it all sounded like a load of bollocks until
I read that ROD FUCKING STEWART has strong opinions on the matter.
( brb Monkhouse Stampede, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 19:14, archived)

And he liked Boris, so he clearly knows a wrong 'un

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 19:16, archived)

When ROD FUCKING STEWART
- says you're a sex pest, that's as good as a judge's gavel.
( Invisible Wizard - 12th Level Errorer, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 22:13, archived)

lol, ROD FUCKING

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 22:29, archived)

THE EROGENOUS ZONE

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 22:40, archived)

Happy lunchmas
What's the last thing you stuck to something else? I put some sticky tape on the tv soundbar to stop the kitteh sitting slap-bang in fron of the telly to block the view and sometimes turn the volume up/down with her bum.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 12:28, archived)

What soundbar do you have?

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 28 Nov 2024, 12:50, archived)

One of these with a cheap Cambridge Audio sub
www.techradar.com/reviews/q-acoustics-m4-sound-bar

It's not a big room so the sub just adds a bit of depth, but the soundbar is pretty good. Just the dimensions are a bit wrong so it doesn't quite fit beneth or in front of the TV but we've bodged it so it's OK.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 13:24, archived)

I have a Sonos Ray.
Prolly trade in and upgrade to a Beam
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 28 Nov 2024, 13:47, archived)

I’ve got a Beam V2, it’s great
#soundbarchat
( Cheers Cheers, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 14:11, archived)

I've got a Beam V2 as I type this

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 15:54, archived)

5.1"

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 16:19, archived)

Do you have a sub?

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 28 Nov 2024, 17:25, archived)

Not in the collarspace sense LOL

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 28 Nov 2024, 17:25, archived)

lol

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 17:38, archived)

Yeah but that’s part of my AV setup, don’t use the Beam for films

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 17:37, archived)

I meant sonos sub or sub mini with the beam

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 28 Nov 2024, 18:17, archived)

I know. I don’t have a Sonos sub.

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 18:38, archived)

I've got old-fashioned 5.1 speakers, wall-mounted in the appropriate positions (not the subwoofer, obviously).
My wife won't let me go full Dolby Atmos in the ceiling. She's half-deaf in one ear anyway, so it'd be wasted on her.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 17:51, archived)

Is this about my not being married?

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 18:16, archived)

I'd rather have Dolby Atmos than a wife, to be fair.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 18:17, archived)

And yet now I have neither

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 18:29, archived)

both are overrated

( MiseryCunt, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 18:34, archived)

When a man is tired of Dolby Atmos, he is tired of wife.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 18:58, archived)

of Dolby Atmos
( MiseryCunt, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 19:18, archived)

i have two subwoofers because i am rad

( MiseryCunt, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 18:33, archived)

I want a 1.5 setup,
one speaker next to my wife's good ear and five subwoofers next to her bad ear.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 18:57, archived)

it's not what you've got
it's where you stick it
( MiseryCunt, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 19:16, archived)

+t

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 18:23, archived)

'it', to 'the man'

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 12:57, archived)

hilarious GS strikey g
well done
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 13:01, archived)

A stamp
To an envelope. About 2 hours ago.
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 13:27, archived)

Topical
The sale of Royal Mail to Czech billionaire Daniel Kretinsky's EP Group is close to being finalised and could be confirmed in the next two weeks, according to sources close to the deal. Kretinsky has agreed to make extra concessions in order to clinch the takeover.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 13:29, archived)

Daniel Kretinsky sounds like a b3ta username

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 13:31, archived)

We should just take it back under public ownership for fucks sake.

( brb Monkhouse Stampede, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 17:55, archived)

alright Daphne and/or Celeste

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 14:13, archived)

*lobs a bottle of piss at you*

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 14:16, archived)

*checks contents*

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 14:19, archived)

That’s pure high-grade piss, that is.
The finest.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 14:21, archived)

I can tell you’re keeping hydrated

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 14:22, archived)

Urine stick you

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 18:18, archived)

How does that work?

(2 Can Chunder - Work account arbeit macht frei!, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 14:24, archived)

The sticky tape goes along the soundbar, sticky-side-up
we've tucked either end under the bar. Cat's don't like to step on sticky surfaces so she jumped up, put one paw on it and recoiled in horror.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 14:54, archived)

I see. So given the tape was sticky side up, the thing that you stuck to it was the cat?

(2 Can Chunder - Work account arbeit macht frei!, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 15:30, archived)

Sort ... of ... stuck it to the shelf the soundbar is on
between the foot things of the soundbar and the shelf. The cat refused to get stuck to to the tape which is how it does the cat deterring thing.

#explanationsarenotmyforte
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 17:33, archived)

You explained perfectly well,
but then I am of average intelligence so uncomplicated things naturally make sense to me.
( brb Monkhouse Stampede, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 17:58, archived)

Just pop a cucumber on the bar
on the bar
up your bum
your
the cat's
(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Thu 28 Nov 2024, 16:16, archived)

life

( $$ ✅, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 15:51, archived)

electrical tape to a cobra

( MiseryCunt, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 18:52, archived)

genuinely true although might not be quite what it seems

( MiseryCunt, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 19:10, archived)

morning

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 28 Nov 2024, 5:51, archived)

Why hi there.

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 8:29, archived)

How's it gannin' like?

(2 Can Chunder - Work account arbeit macht frei!, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 10:48, archived)

S M E G

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 11:30, archived)

Yo yo yo yo yo, what it is, motherfuckers.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 11:39, archived)

I've got the lurgy guy's, oh jeez

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 17:27, archived)

African bum-AIDS again?

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Wed 27 Nov 2024, 17:46, archived)

you don't get that one twice
unless you had a threesome
( MiseryCunt, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 17:50, archived)

Africans Hate This One Trick

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 17:52, archived)

-tr +d

( MiseryCunt, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 17:55, archived)

yeah, I'm getting pretty fed up with it tbh

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 17:52, archived)

just tell them to leave

( MiseryCunt, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 17:55, archived)

Tell 'em Steve-Dave

(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Wed 27 Nov 2024, 18:56, archived)

Ah see, I found the solution to that years ago.
Just don't catch any lurgies. Marvellous!
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 20:16, archived)

You spent all day trying to catch a lurgy and didn't get a bite, didn't you?

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 22:31, archived)

scott,

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 27 Nov 2024, 18:11, archived)

b3ta

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 18:24, archived)

Some woman brought her kid in with a rash and asked what it was, I said "molluscum contagiosum" and she looked at me like I was some sort of Harry Potter cunt.

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 18:39, archived)

That is *SO* hufflepuff of you!

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 27 Nov 2024, 18:51, archived)

Alright President Putin
dr death
(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Wed 27 Nov 2024, 18:57, archived)

Bifidus digestivum

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 19:31, archived)

^spasticus autisticus

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Wed 27 Nov 2024, 20:55, archived)

^horrendus bullivum

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 21:28, archived)

^tentacular ovipositor horrendum

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 22:32, archived)

mollu contagiosum
Harry Potter
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 21:30, archived)

Some woman brought her kid in with a rash and asked what it was, I said "molluscum contagiosum" and she looked at me like I was some sort of Harry Potter cunt
(sticklebrlcks that's Mr Bricks to you 🍎, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 21:49, archived)

TBF I am a total cunt cunt

(2 Can Chunder - Work account arbeit macht frei!, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 23:10, archived)

I've got an anecdote about a Canadian woman who presented a private prescription for her young son's infected bellend,
but they're not my forte.

tl;dr: hot Canada pisspipe action
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 21:56, archived)

Foreskin cream please.
Certainly!
*places four tubes of E45 on the counter*
(2 Can Chunder - Work account arbeit macht frei!, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 23:13, archived)

Sounds like the wokerati has got you

( $$ ✅, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 19:09, archived)

Chicken broth with a bit of hot sauce in it
That should help.
Dad's been taken back in to hospital, the district nurse said he should never have been discharged.
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 21:10, archived)

Wishing Pappa Smash a quick recovery

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 9:34, archived)

Booooooorred
I’m in the most booooooooring meeting ever. It’s about equality, diversity and inclusion. Now into its second tedious hour.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 16:32, archived)

Just say you hate equality, diversity and inclusion.
We won't think any less of you.

because we physically can't
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 16:35, archived)

I hate equality, diversity and inclusion.

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 16:44, archived)

You kick that ladder, nancy boy.

( brb Monkhouse Stampede, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 16:46, archived)

I don’t need any competition

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 16:47, archived)

Start a youtube channel
and just shout random lies about woketards, virtue signalling, feminazis, George Soros and Elon Musk while sat in your car for 20 minutes. Guaranteed 1 million subscribers.

Then you can quit your job and get replaced by a white heterosexual middle aged man, the way GOD intended.
( brb Monkhouse Stampede, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 20:15, archived)

Every time I click "do not recommend this channel" on those
YT just puts another one in there :-(
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 20:18, archived)

Youtube wants to make you angry.
I constantly click do not recommend on fake science, AI generated gibberish, and 'patriotic' 'independent' 'news' channels which insist I get upset about the government I gladly voted for.

They gave up suggesting angry shouty white men a long time ago, so keep telling them to fuck off and eventually they will try to radicalise you in some other way.

Oh and don't engage in any yt conversation, ever. You can close your channel and still use yt for subscriptions and likes, but no longer comment or vote comments up or down. That really throws the algorithm.
( brb Monkhouse Stampede, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 20:25, archived)

I worked out that you can screw with other peoples' recommendations over on Discord, and even here on links. They don't have to view the video, just the preview loading is enough to tie it to their IP.

*evil laughter*
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 20:34, archived)

My system of disengagement seems to shield me from the worst of that.
I think the conversational/argumentative engagement metric is weighted heavier than seeing thumbnails on 3rd party forums. That seems to be the case across all social media.

I occasionally see super-low view-count shite in my recommendations that I reckon must be linked to b3ta weirdos, but most of my feed is vintage combat sports, sumo, big band renditions of Zappa, obscure acid, long instructional videos for musical instruments that I don't own, aquatic mammals, late night comedy monologues, spaaaaaaaaaaace, (a podcast about) engineering (disasters, with slides), 'legacy' news channels, and shitloads of pirated media.
( brb Monkhouse Stampede, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 21:10, archived)

I never see these channels and I use youtube a lot
are you signed in?
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 21:29, archived)

Tried both - doesn't seem to alter the number of "slight upward camera angle in a van, look at muh chins" videos.
I made the mistake of opening /links again recently, and that's also fucked things by filling the feed with "Steamed Hams" meme videos too.
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Fri 29 Nov 2024, 12:47, archived)

I thought it was Diversity, Equity and Inclusion now?
DID YOU EVEN PAY ATTENTION, BIGOT?!
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 20:16, archived)

Shut up snowflake

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 9:34, archived)

Fired!

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 15:20, archived)

It just goes on and on
Fuuuuuck
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 16:51, archived)

Jump up on the desk, pants down, drop a steaming log while maintaining eye contact with session leader.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 27 Nov 2024, 16:53, archived)

Hmmm
There’s nothing in the departure lounge
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 16:53, archived)

Piss on the floor then.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 27 Nov 2024, 16:56, archived)

Silent but deadly, m8
Silent but deadly
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 16:59, archived)

Just pretend that 'DEI' stands for the debut album of Swedish extreme metal pioneers Meshuggah, 'Destroy, Erase, Improve.' '

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Wed 27 Nov 2024, 17:07, archived)

sounds well smeg m8
well smeg
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 17:09, archived)

Just shout ‘woke’ every 5 minutes until someone offers you a job at the Daily Mail

( Cheers Cheers, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 17:18, archived)

lol

( MiseryCunt, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 19:26, archived)

Tell them it made you feel unsafe.

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 20:04, archived)

Been trying to sell my old car for about two grand
Last night someone dented it and I had to sell it for a meagre 500 quid.

I reckon it was the car dealer himself, coming in at night and damaging the car so he'd get a lower price.

What's your conspiracy theory wot might be actually true?
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 12:29, archived)

Elon Musk is a closeted gay man

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 12:32, archived)

dunno about that, he seems to like making a lot of babies with a lot of women

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 12:37, archived)

Classic diversionary tactic
He's so far in the closet that he's found fucking Narnia
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 13:18, archived)

The UFOs seen by Kenneth Arnold which he described as moving like flying saucers (coining the phrase) skimming over a lake
but looking crescent shaped (the media/general public later decided he meant they looked like saucers) were actually German experimental flying wing aircraft possibly Horten Ho-229s captured at the end of the war and being tested by the US military.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 13:06, archived)

This first bit also means anyone reporting a UFO that they described as a flying saucer after his sighting was making it up

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 13:07, archived)

Thanks for asking.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 13:08, archived)

Horten Builds A Ho

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Wed 27 Nov 2024, 15:10, archived)

ADOFL (/:0=)

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 15:34, archived)

Anally Distended On the Floor Laughing?

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 15:36, archived)

Don't mind if I do.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 15:51, archived)

The pope sells his blood to lizard aliens for gold Kinder Eggs
which he then trades to John Virgo for sordid stories about his time on Big Break with Jim Davidson.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 13:51, archived)

Like the time he screwed back to pot the pink

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 13:55, archived)

when he took on the difficult brown

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 14:02, archived)

He needed the rest after that

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 14:09, archived)

At least he didn't baulk at giving it a try.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 14:18, archived)

I predicted there’d be a load of snooker puns and here they are, right on cue

( Cheers Cheers, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 14:19, archived)

Anything can be a snooker pun it just depends on how you frame it.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 14:26, archived)

oh give me a break

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 14:59, archived)

SNOOKER

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 15:03, archived)

I reckon Virgo prefers Kinder Bueno tbh

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 13:56, archived)

Because they're fucking fit

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 14:09, archived)

Just had one
can confirm.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 14:26, archived)

That's because Kinder Eggs combine disappointing chocolate with a disappointing toy.
Bueno is obviously the superior confectionery.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 14:19, archived)

Volcanoes are god's pimples

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 14:01, archived)

So you think that Earth is god's head?

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 16:01, archived)

that was me m8

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 14:02, archived)

Andrew Tate is so masculine
his sweat works the same way as WD40.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 14:03, archived)

He looks like a ballbag
And he has no chin
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 14:08, archived)

I put the bomp in the bomp bah bomp bah bomp

( Cheers Cheers, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 14:21, archived)

^Teh Unabomper

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Wed 27 Nov 2024, 15:13, archived)

Mr Blobby is British Shrek
less a conspiracy theory more a hill I'm willing to die on.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 15:52, archived)

^ has a crinkley bottom

( Cheers Cheers, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 15:55, archived)

^ has a smooth hump like action man

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 16:00, archived)

I’ve got a right hump-on

( Cheers Cheers, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 16:09, archived)

Reporting this.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 16:12, archived)

Car threads make you bald.

( brb Monkhouse Stampede, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 16:47, archived)

FAKE AFTERNOON THREAD
IF YOU POST HERE YOU HAVE BEEN SCAMMED.
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 12:08, archived)

I thought that was Smarties, not Hitler.
/ac
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 12:15, archived)

You fool!
Get scammed!
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 13:39, archived)

I'm a fool for you, Dave Trouser.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 13:45, archived)

Oh

( Sn0tters 🇯🇴🇧🇧🇮🇪, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 14:40, archived)

Oh Snotters! Not you too!
Hand over your bank details please.
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 20:05, archived)

I've just gazd them to you

( Sn0tters 🇯🇴🇧🇧🇮🇪, Thu 28 Nov 2024, 0:23, archived)

I love horses
Best of all
The animals
I love horses
They're my
Friends
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 10:26, archived)

Sorry, I had to get that out of my head.
I'm petitioning to get Horse Isle renamed to Isle of Horses. Please sign below.

You can carry on with your day now, and wait for the "afternoon" thread that's surely coming up soon.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 10:34, archived)

morning

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 27 Nov 2024, 7:08, archived)

morening

( MiseryCunt, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 7:21, archived)

No thanks.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 27 Nov 2024, 7:46, archived)

fuck your morning right up the anũs

( Cheers Cheers, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 7:58, archived)

FUCK. YOU.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 27 Nov 2024, 8:16, archived)

Cheers

( Cheers Cheers, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 9:09, archived)

alright

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 27 Nov 2024, 9:30, archived)

Fuck the lot of you, frankly.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 9:40, archived)

That was incredibly rude, how dare you.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 27 Nov 2024, 9:53, archived)

Fuck you in particular, beepeedee.
Nah I'm just kidding, come here and give me a big hug.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 9:55, archived)

-h +t

( Cheers Cheers, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 10:00, archived)

Thanks for reaching out but I don't currently have the emotional bandwidth to process your trauma right now.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 10:01, archived)

Fuck you, beepeedee. Fuck you.

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 26 Nov 2024, 18:37, archived)

What have I missed now?

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Tue 26 Nov 2024, 18:40, archived)

is it me? have you missed me?

( MiseryCunt, Tue 26 Nov 2024, 19:36, archived)

With every shot so far

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Tue 26 Nov 2024, 20:08, archived)

you have still hurt me tho. so terribly badly.

( MiseryCunt, Tue 26 Nov 2024, 20:13, archived)

Cupid's arrows don't fly straight

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Tue 26 Nov 2024, 20:19, archived)

that's boomerangs

( MiseryCunt, Tue 26 Nov 2024, 20:22, archived)

Ah, that explains it

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Tue 26 Nov 2024, 20:22, archived)

Hi

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 26 Nov 2024, 18:40, archived)

ahoy there sailor

( MiseryCunt, Tue 26 Nov 2024, 19:35, archived)

fuck off then

( MiseryCunt, Tue 26 Nov 2024, 19:58, archived)

"bee-paedo", I call him.
Goes in for bees, in a sexual way. Young ones at that. Real wrong'un and no mistake.
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Tue 26 Nov 2024, 18:43, archived)

Sweet like honey m8

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 26 Nov 2024, 19:40, archived)

They give him a buzz

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Tue 26 Nov 2024, 20:09, archived)

He'll get caught in an online sting sooner or later.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Tue 26 Nov 2024, 20:22, archived)

They won't beelieve what they find

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Tue 26 Nov 2024, 20:23, archived)

a wretched hive of scum and villainy?

( MiseryCunt, Tue 26 Nov 2024, 20:30, archived)

Honey, you don't know the hall of it

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Tue 26 Nov 2024, 20:32, archived)

BEE-O-SWARM

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 27 Nov 2024, 10:00, archived)

Hear hear
but not in an ironic/sarcy way at all. Fuck all the b3ta racists to death.
( brb Monkhouse Stampede, Tue 26 Nov 2024, 20:51, archived)

With burning swastikas

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Tue 26 Nov 2024, 20:59, archived)

Let's keep that as an option but not mandatory
seems like a lot of trouble to me.
( brb Monkhouse Stampede, Tue 26 Nov 2024, 21:13, archived)

RIP Jim Abrahams

( $$ ✅, Tue 26 Nov 2024, 22:01, archived)

He was a hot piece of ass :'(

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 26 Nov 2024, 22:52, archived)

afternoon

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 26 Nov 2024, 14:42, archived)

No, I refuse!

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Tue 26 Nov 2024, 15:31, archived)

I wish you refused to post on b3ta

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 26 Nov 2024, 16:02, archived)

Piss off, bluenamer.
lolololololol
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Tue 26 Nov 2024, 16:07, archived)

brown-hatter more like
IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN AND I THINK YOU DO
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 26 Nov 2024, 17:46, archived)

My knob end is stained brown, IF YOU MUST KNOW

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 26 Nov 2024, 17:53, archived)

Evening. I am at my daughter's school poetry recital.
How is your evening being ruined?
(2 Can Chunder - Work account arbeit macht frei!, Tue 26 Nov 2024, 18:20, archived)

Reading your posts on b3ta

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 26 Nov 2024, 18:40, archived)

morning

( MiseryCunt, Tue 26 Nov 2024, 7:05, archived)

Whoops up side your head

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Tue 26 Nov 2024, 7:43, archived)

I say
Poop inside your head
( Sn0tters 🇯🇴🇧🇧🇮🇪, Tue 26 Nov 2024, 23:08, archived)

I refuse to accept that it’s morning, please sign my petition

( Cheers Cheers, Tue 26 Nov 2024, 8:07, archived)

I've just gone ahead and rejected the entire day.

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Tue 26 Nov 2024, 15:31, archived)

morning

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 26 Nov 2024, 8:11, archived)

morning

( MiseryCunt, Tue 26 Nov 2024, 22:08, archived)

Good morning!
And how are you on this fine day?
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Tue 26 Nov 2024, 9:33, archived)

at work at that time you silly sausage

( MiseryCunt, Tue 26 Nov 2024, 19:59, archived)

At this time of year I refuse to accept that this time is the morning as it will be dark by half fucking four
so clearly it's afternoon already.

October to March can get absolutely fucked, half the year in this country is basically useless.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 26 Nov 2024, 9:57, archived)

Some of us like the winter

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Tue 26 Nov 2024, 10:00, archived)

What do you like about it?

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 26 Nov 2024, 10:02, archived)

The crushing despair
The floods, the black mould on the damp walls, the cloying commercials, the stress of family obligations.

Such cosy fun!
( Invisible Wizard - 12th Level Errorer, Tue 26 Nov 2024, 10:40, archived)

Crunchy leaves
The smell of snow in the air, the bright, crisp mornings, getting cozy in the dark nights with tomato soup and a good film and the absolute lack of pollen
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Tue 26 Nov 2024, 11:22, archived)

Autumn could be alright but it barely exists anymore,
and those crispy leaves are more often than not just slimy mulch due to the pissing rain.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 26 Nov 2024, 11:43, archived)

Well I like it

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Tue 26 Nov 2024, 11:51, archived)

This is online harassment of UToL.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 26 Nov 2024, 13:12, archived)

Would you like a hug?

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Tue 26 Nov 2024, 14:01, archived)

Would you like some making fuck?

( Invisible Wizard - 12th Level Errorer, Tue 26 Nov 2024, 14:22, archived)

BERSERKER!

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Tue 26 Nov 2024, 14:42, archived)

-pissing rain +GEOSTORM

( Cheers Cheers, Tue 26 Nov 2024, 13:14, archived)

GEOSTORM

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 26 Nov 2024, 13:50, archived)

GEOSTORM

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 26 Nov 2024, 14:01, archived)

afternoon

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 26 Nov 2024, 11:26, archived)

Pushing that cunt down the board

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Mon 25 Nov 2024, 18:10, archived)

bollocks

( MiseryCunt, Mon 25 Nov 2024, 18:10, archived)

You

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Mon 25 Nov 2024, 18:12, archived)

Would

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Mon 25 Nov 2024, 18:12, archived)

Say

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Mon 25 Nov 2024, 18:12, archived)

That

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Mon 25 Nov 2024, 18:13, archived)

maybe

( MiseryCunt, Mon 25 Nov 2024, 18:13, archived)

How's it going?

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Mon 25 Nov 2024, 18:20, archived)

alright. drinking. working. working whilst drinking.
s'alrite i spose
( MiseryCunt, Mon 25 Nov 2024, 18:37, archived)

I stopped reading all the shit they type

( mongychops, Mon 25 Nov 2024, 18:19, archived)

I bet they're acting like stupid kids

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Mon 25 Nov 2024, 18:20, archived)

Seems bou or whoever it was had been banned for a bit. Cuts down on a lot of crap. I don't block people, I just give up on them

( mongychops, Mon 25 Nov 2024, 18:21, archived)

There aren't many people it could have been. None of them are Bou.

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Mon 25 Nov 2024, 18:26, archived)

bou is a state of mind

( MiseryCunt, Mon 25 Nov 2024, 18:36, archived)

It doesn't really matter if it was or wasn't bou,
if a bird shits on you you don't care if it was a herring gull or a lesser black-backed gull
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Mon 25 Nov 2024, 18:45, archived)

FUCK OFF BRB

(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Mon 25 Nov 2024, 19:00, archived)

Speak for yourself, if I have to get shat by a bird I'm choosing a herring gull over bou.

(2 Can Chunder - Work account arbeit macht frei!, Mon 25 Nov 2024, 19:58, archived)

I'm letting Veronica shit on me

( mongychops, Mon 25 Nov 2024, 20:34, archived)

Ah, Veronica.
The scat porn days, a much more innocent time on /talk.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Mon 25 Nov 2024, 21:19, archived)

Lesser blocked-dox gull

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Mon 25 Nov 2024, 21:20, archived)

The state of her mind is the problem

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 25 Nov 2024, 21:42, archived)

Fucksocks is mad as a box of frogs and a computer nutter. Only thing that makes it more bou is shit doxxing.

( mongychops, Mon 25 Nov 2024, 18:46, archived)

Don't give up on us, mongy, we're still worth one more try
I know we put a last one by
Just for a rainy evening when maybe stars are few
Don't give up on us, I know we can still come through
(2 Can Chunder - Work account arbeit macht frei!, Mon 25 Nov 2024, 19:50, archived)

Mongy hates door handles :(

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Mon 25 Nov 2024, 21:34, archived)

Dork handles?like utol

( mongychops, Mon 25 Nov 2024, 21:39, archived)

I left myself wide open for that one.
That's not a door pun BTW.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 26 Nov 2024, 9:54, archived)

I only hope they will learn to show some respect to those who still have some time and love this place.
Or if they don't like it then I hope they stop whining and feck off and leave us alone from their childish pranks.
(2 Can Chunder - Work account arbeit macht frei!, Mon 25 Nov 2024, 19:53, archived)

Please try to grow up

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 25 Nov 2024, 21:47, archived)

yo

( $$ ✅, Mon 25 Nov 2024, 18:45, archived)

I've eaten too much butter and now I feel sick.

( brb Monkhouse Stampede, Mon 25 Nov 2024, 18:57, archived)

+ UP THE ARSE
/Maria Schneider
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Mon 25 Nov 2024, 19:21, archived)

I'd feel much better if I'd just shoved my dinner up my arse.

( brb Monkhouse Stampede, Mon 25 Nov 2024, 19:28, archived)

and shat it out of your mouth, presmuably.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Mon 25 Nov 2024, 21:33, archived)

I am not a medical healthcare specialist but
yeah, that sounds perfectly reasonable.
( brb Monkhouse Stampede, Mon 25 Nov 2024, 23:07, archived)

I can't believe it's not bugger

(2 Can Chunder - Work account arbeit macht frei!, Mon 25 Nov 2024, 19:54, archived)

You'll never shove a better bit of bugger up your wife

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Mon 25 Nov 2024, 21:35, archived)

Which cunt?

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 25 Nov 2024, 20:24, archived)

bollocks twat shit arse cock
but enough about me. how was your day?
( MiseryCunt, Mon 25 Nov 2024, 16:37, archived)

Well...
I woke up to bollocks
Took a huge twat
Ate a massive shit
Couldnt start the arse
And was late for cock
(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Mon 25 Nov 2024, 16:49, archived)

you're not late
you're just in time, actually
( MiseryCunt, Mon 25 Nov 2024, 16:50, archived)

Thank horse slasher
phew
(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Mon 25 Nov 2024, 16:51, archived)

+ UP THE ARSE

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 25 Nov 2024, 16:52, archived)

+ RIGHT

( MiseryCunt, Mon 25 Nov 2024, 16:53, archived)

#emmerdalethemetune

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 25 Nov 2024, 16:55, archived)

i don't know what that sounds like soz

( MiseryCunt, Mon 25 Nov 2024, 16:57, archived)

Right up the arse, we take it right up the arse.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 25 Nov 2024, 16:59, archived)

at the end of a bootlegged audiobook i listened to on youtube an irish woman says 'right up the arse'
and i have no idea where it's from
( MiseryCunt, Mon 25 Nov 2024, 17:04, archived)

you can't say Ireland

( MiseryCunt, Mon 25 Nov 2024, 17:05, archived)

Hitler

(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Mon 25 Nov 2024, 17:06, archived)

thought so

( MiseryCunt, Mon 25 Nov 2024, 17:06, archived)

I hate your new/old name
Gas yourself
(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Mon 25 Nov 2024, 16:57, archived)

up the arse?

( MiseryCunt, Mon 25 Nov 2024, 16:57, archived)

Then delete your boo

(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Mon 25 Nov 2024, 16:58, archived)

POO OFF.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 25 Nov 2024, 16:59, archived)

WEE FACE.

( MiseryCunt, Mon 25 Nov 2024, 17:00, archived)

Gnops?

(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Mon 25 Nov 2024, 17:01, archived)

A lost art.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Mon 25 Nov 2024, 17:09, archived)

+f

( MiseryCunt, Mon 25 Nov 2024, 17:12, archived)

On it
💩😘
(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Mon 25 Nov 2024, 17:00, archived)

BT SAC

( broadsword now that's fresh, Mon 25 Nov 2024, 17:16, archived)

It was good
But then I came to work
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 25 Nov 2024, 18:04, archived)

ass face

( MiseryCunt, Mon 25 Nov 2024, 18:11, archived)

Pretty shitty

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 25 Nov 2024, 18:04, archived)

sad face

( MiseryCunt, Mon 25 Nov 2024, 18:11, archived)