Has b3ta ever caused an awkward situation for you?
Apart from the boss catching you on there, that is.
I was watching Casino Royale with the Mrs and when Eva Green appeared on screen, I inadvertently blurted out "Would!"
"'Would' what, dear?"
"Err, would ... you like a cup of tea?"
I may not be so lucky next time.

Anyone else?
( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Thu 24 Dec 2009, 2:25, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

The Cube
I still haven't got around to watching this and after it came up in discussion at Clendrix & Kaol's bash I've downloaded 0, 1 & 2 so my question is should I start with 0 or 1?
(bill, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 23:28, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I went for a walk with my mum and the dogs today.
It was lovely walking in the dark through the park and the nearby woods. Biscuit was wrapped up in a blanket and carried while Benji ran about in the mad special way Jack Russels do. We were all wrapped up warm and hardly anyone was about. We could see the lights from the houses twinkling in the distance and could only hear the crunch of the snow as we walked and talked.

It was fucking magical.
( girlinthehole, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 18:43, 24 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I just watched a video showing you how to open a beer bottle with a tenner
didn't fucking work when I tried it though and on closer inspection I think the guy in the video cheated. However, I did manage to open a beer with a business card, which I consider quite a success.

you learnt any good skills recently?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 18:29, 15 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I am terribly judgemental
but, is having this picture (possibly a bit NSFW if bikinis are frowned upon in your office) as your facebook profile really appropriate?
(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 17:38, 39 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

The bottle of wine
I got out of the cupboard didn't want to be drunk. The cork disintegrated as I tried to remove it and I had to decant it and then strain all the little corky bits out.

What domestic product has resisted your attentions recently.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 16:23, 43 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

MOAR FLUFF, you say?
I bring you loads of it in the replies.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 23 Dec 2009, 15:54, 38 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm so cool
that last night I was down the pub with the Charlatans and the Horrors. Woo fucking hoo.

But how cool are you?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 14:27, 119 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

A business that has been around about as long as we have brought us a plate of Christmas 'goodies'
I suppose it's the thought that counts, however, I think it looks like these cookies have been spunked on.

Have you recieved or given a gift that came off slightly creepy and gross?
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 13:37, 41 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Quick! Call an ambulance!
Sweary Junior was staying at his grandparents last night. The missus rang them before to see how they were and say she'll be around shortly.

Apparently SJ is at death's door and has a doctor's appointment later today. He's got this hole in his ear which has been bleeding all night so he needs urgent medical attention for it.

It's a spot. That he's picked until it bled. But try telling them that.

*Facepalms*
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 23 Dec 2009, 13:37, 13 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I just went to sainsburys to get some lunch
it was one of the worst experiences of my life. It is freezing cold here and pouring with rain. The normal idiot drivers have been made worse by the appalling weather and the CHRISTMAS-FRENZY!

Drove round the car park along with 400 other people trying to find a space, was on my way back to the office without having got any lunch when I spied one. Inside the supermarket was no better.

They are all fucking morons. People trying to put a week's worth of shopping through the self-service checkouts, but are too spasticated to know how to work them.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 12:55, 45 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I've just taken a look at the tv schedules for this morning
and bearing in mind it's now 2 days before christmas, I was expecting SOMETHING christmassy, as has been the case of every single other year when I've had to work. BUT NO! Fucking Top gear (non christmas edition), The man who shot liberty valance, Fresh Prince or sodding Gilmore girls. It's a fucking travesty I tell you.

If you were at home, wanting to watch classic christmas films right now, which one would you go for?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 12:06, 122 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Fluff . . .
The kitties (Mlle Tonks and M Scrubs) at Chez Legless have had a little photo session tonight.
Scrubs is a black and white show-off, Tonks is white, blue eyed and deaf . . . and not too keen on my camera.

Scrubs has been posing for his shots - profile, full face, belly shot, etc. Tonks has been hiding under the table, in the hopes I will take the horrible flashy thing away.

Photos in the replies.

What has made you smile today?
( Mrs Legless . . . belongs to, well, you know . . . :), Wed 23 Dec 2009, 10:54, 101 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

In A Land Down Under.....
Today it hit 36c (96.8f) outside my house. Going outside for a fag was walking into a wall of heat. This is the second mini heatwave of the Spring/Summer and Summer hasn't really got going yet. Thank God we moved house earlier this year.

Our new place has floor tiles. Lovely, cool floor tiles. With them, and the portable air-con, it keeps the heat down to a nice 22c. And we have a garden. An exotic garden. We have cacti ( some over 12 feet tall) that produce fruit that my missus insists are good to eat (get to fuck.....), a massive fig tree that has just started producing ripe figs - lots of them. An insane vine that is now loaded down with grapes - they should be ready in a couple of weeks - and a dragon fruit tree that's laden with ripening fruit. I've also some weird plants that I don't have a clue about including one that looks uncannily like a trifid but I don't go very close to that one.

But some things don't change. I'm still a proper Geordie. I wouldn't look out of place in the Big Market the way I dress for December - shorts and a t-shirt. Dead hard me.......


Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 10:50, 30 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Woooooo its wednesday
Pro - Last day at work
Con - IT would be tomorrow but I have a funeral xmas eve.

Give me one pro and one con about your day today!
( Peej, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 9:28, 38 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

every pavement and most of the roads I have to traverse betwixt home and work
was basically a sheet of ice. not seen anyone stack it yet, but I have a good view of a reasonably slopy car park, so am bound to soon.

was your journey to work extra dangerous today?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 9:14, 29 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I has just booked a flight
to New York, going tomorrow, back Jan 2nd. Yay!
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 2:13, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Grrrrr!!
It is 1030 hrs, two days before Christmas, and I'm sitting here in my office (hah! More of a caravan - it's a fibro shack with carpet), doing paperwork. I'm on-call, which means I stay here in case someone falls over, but (and here's the rub) - I can only operate on children - all adults get sent to another hospital! WTF? Six years of Orthopaedic training to sit and wait for broken arms. On-call means fielding phone calls from anyone and everyone, that always seem to start with "I'm not that great at reading X-rays, but ..." Legless can read an X-ray with reasonable accuracy, and describe them better that some I've heard with medical training.

Give me a joke . . . in fact, put up some examples of fuckwittery to keep everyone laughing while I look at *another* normal X-ray . . .
( Mrs Legless . . . belongs to, well, you know . . . :), Tue 22 Dec 2009, 23:47, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

So he who I have a toxic relationship with
is going skiing over New Year with a bunch of girls who have asked that I don't even drive up for NYE. I just told him I hope he gets AIDS, even though I'm sat here crying
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Tue 22 Dec 2009, 21:17, 36 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Just been trying to play guitar
but it's so fucking cold in my back bedroom that I can't move my fingers very fast, and my feet have gone numb :-(

I've had to resort sitting at the computer in my bedroom with my electric guitar not plugged in to learn some new songs.

Any suggestions?

edit: to clarify, the suggestions I'm looking for are for songs to learn, not how to make myself warm, or otherwise pass the time
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 22 Dec 2009, 20:24, 51 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Home Sweet Home

( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Tue 22 Dec 2009, 19:41, 20 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

OH BOY !
There are TWO eppisodes of hollyoaks, PLUS the E4 ones.

7-8, hollyoaks on C4,
8-9:40, hollyoaks on E4

TWO HOURS AND FORTY MINUTES OF HOLLYOAKS !!!

Man, today is AWESOME.

I'm actually watching the +1 versions
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 22 Dec 2009, 19:03, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Facebook have added the relationship status "In an Open Relationship".
Does anyone else find that a bit creepy?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 22 Dec 2009, 16:31, 62 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

The feckin' gobshites
Hi all.
thought I would share MY shit day with you.It started really badly with me not being able to unlock my frozen car for about 20 minutes - it's a P plate golf estate with dodgy locks - the only lock that would work was the nearside but last time I used this one I managed to lock myself out of the car - not a problem with a spare key but my knob (note correct spelling, Monty) of an Ex has lost it when pissed and not replaced it.

So I finally get into the car and start it up hoping to dislodge some of the permafrost obscuring my vision. The only problem now is if I get out of the car, I get locked out.

Aha, thought I - I'll wedge the door open with one of the three scrapers I own and then I can clear the glass.Great Idea. Not.

I slipped when trying to gently close the door and ended up crushing my left elbow with the door catch- I now have a very black bruise which won't look good in my posh frock on xmas day with the relatives...................It gets worse.

Read on.........

our email system was down when I finally got to work but on there was a mail (sent on friday) from one of my "subbies" giving me the sad news of the terminal illness of one of our well loved (and not all of them are...) colleagues, another subbie of mine. well it did cast quite a cloud and I felt a little tearful for most of the day -being my last day at work I wanted to get loads done and just couldn't get my head around it.

I spent 59 minutes driving home from work, a journey of 20 if I put my foot down - the A5 was at a standstill but I did manage to fly through my front door at about 6.45 and make it to the loo without getting chapped thighs......as I got home I thought "Right, off to the pub, finished work, snow is lovely" and started to cheer up a bit.

My elbow by now is very swollen and I can feel pain every time my cardi brushes against the damaged area.But being the big brave girl that I am I soldiered on and necked a couple of Tring Brewery's Jack O' Legs before being persuaded to open my house for coffee and spliffs. Well how can a girl refuse! all going swimmingly well until we heard an ominous tinkle from the front of the house at about 11.15 - some little feckin' shite had smashed my window with a snowball - nobody in sight,police were not interested and it's just cost me £143 to have it reglazed.

The little fucker, if he is ever made known to me, will have parts of his male anatomy made into rather fetching jewellery.I will do this personally.
Anyway - have a good Xmarse all - sorry for ramble, first real post and needed to get stuff off my chest (which is also quite ample thank you.....)
and breathe out..........
(Purpledoris I've got afeckin' job, Tue 22 Dec 2009, 15:55, 49 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Have you got the sprouts on yet?

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 22 Dec 2009, 15:15, 81 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Hi, will you marry me?
No? How about me brother? Not him either?

Oh, OK then...
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Tue 22 Dec 2009, 14:30, 30 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Where's Enzyme when you need him?
Moral question for everyone.

I have two cats who I love dearly, (even though I complain about them constantly). They're getting on a bit now and I've been thinking about their inevitable demise. Whilest I would love for them to live a lot longer, I do not wish them to live with an illness that would put me in debt with vets bills. Am I evil in deciding it would be better to have them put down should they get cancer for example, (after all they've had a good innings), rather than find myself in debt keeping them alive a bit longer? I think I would be more willing to fork out the dosh if they were still young.

Discuss.
( girlinthehole, Tue 22 Dec 2009, 14:12, 104 replies, latest was 16 years ago)