Well it's quiet on here again. Are we all stuck for something to say?
Let's make fun of /talk.


I hear they all smell of meat pies and share the same grandmother.
( girlinthehole, Thu 21 Jan 2010, 10:42, 119 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Best cat toy EVAR
I recently changed the tin foil lining my grill pan. I came home last night to find that the cat had a new toy - it was like a regular "ball of tinfoil to bat around the kitchen floor" but this one oozed BACON FAT. She was not pleased to have it taken off her and spent the rest of the evening sitting with her back to me.

What was the last cool toy you got?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 21 Jan 2010, 9:28, 48 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

At last, common sense prevails
www.fly.co.uk/news/obese-passengers-to-be-charged-almost-double-1982222.html

If you are so fucking fat that you need two seats....you need to pay for two seats. Disappointed that they haven't quite got the bottle to defend this move properly and have hidden behind 'safety reasons', though.

I'm happy to compose a more honest press release for them if they want one.

'Ahem. For too long, customers with A FUCKING GRIP ON THEMSELVES have been forced to squash themselves in alongside sweaty, piss-smelling Jabbas on buses, trains and aeroplanes, without complaint. Well no more.' etc
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Jan 2010, 8:32, 41 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Everybody get in here!

( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Thu 21 Jan 2010, 1:02, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

So, which one of you
has just lost The Game?
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 21 Jan 2010, 0:48, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

damnit, where is everyone?
I just got a new job (only ad hoc, but better than nothing) so I might not be on here very often for a while now.

I'm sure you won't miss me, but here is a puppycam for your enjoyment

www.ustream.tv/SFShiba
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 21:29, 13 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Hello everyone, I'm starting a thread because I want something.
Edit: got one rootas the best everyone else is shit.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 17:55, 18 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm listening to Anthrax with Public Enemy doing Bring the Noise, which rocks

But what's your favourite collaboration between bands/singers etc
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 17:33, 59 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Right arsebandits
I've got a new cooker. The first thing I prepare with it needs to be awesome.

Give me some suggestions.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 16:52, 44 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'd like to thank whoever suggested I read Christopher Brookmyre's stuff
finished One Fine Day in the Middle of the Night last night. Thoroughly enjoyable read and I shall be seeking out some of his other books.

Anyone else read anything good recently?

I also read the 11th and final book of the Sword of Truth series, which surprisingly was considerably better than the previous 7 or 8 books
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 14:24, 129 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Three! Three Threads started! AH AH AH AH

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 13:48, 33 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

If I have
to listen to the same fucking story about how the person who sits next to me is getting an all singing all fucking dancing new Astra - well it's on a 58 plate but it wasn't registered till feb last year so less than a year old I am going to fucking scream.

What's amusing though is that she said she couldn't afford a new car so was running around in an oldish citroen because of morgage payments etc. Then I mentioned I had an A3 and the NEXT day she starts talking how she is buying this new car.

Also she chews way too loudly and it really pisses me off. And she eats ALL day so I have to listen to loud chewing ALL day.

Please someone come and rescue me :( This story is probably on the same dullness level as vipros's new cooker but I don't give a tiny rats ass
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 12:50, 61 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Ugh the most exciting thing today
is that Vipros has a new cooker. Which I'm pretty sure no one gives a shit about.

What's the most exciting thing that's happened to you recently? Please remember this is OT so lying is encouraged to embellish your inevitably dull lives.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 11:29, 104 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

"Dear IT
I have noticed that my email signature is spelt wrongly. Please could the words 'International Companies' be changed to 'International Company's' with immediate effect? Although I have only just noticed this, since we're unable to modify our own email signatures now, I can only assume that this has been going out to clients since you made that change. This is utterly unacceptable and so can this please be treated with the utmost urgency?

Regards etc"

All is woe. All of it. If I wanted to teach people grammar, I'd become an English teacher.
( Kroney, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 10:25, 56 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I have a new cooker at last!
it fit in the hole I cut and it works and everything!

ahahahahaha

hahahaha

haha

BEWARE!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 9:38, 30 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Scottish b3tards, i need your help
I've been asked to address the haggis at a Burns Supper. I'm usually fine with public speaking, especially when there's liquor involved. But after doing a little bit of research, I've realized that this is something that requires at least a tiny portion of a clue how to pronounce scottish words, from the burns poem. I'm a cunning linguist, but Scottish is really not in my comfort zone, pronunciation-wise. Is there any graceful way I can suggest that I give a toast to the haggis, rather than the full reading of the address? Alternatively, is it in any way acceptable to read only a portion of the address?
thanks muchly.
for what it's worth, i've gotten myself a kilt and ghillie shirt for the evening; in the scottish national tartan.
(tuqueboy has been in a medically -induced coma since, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 4:21, 57 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Oh dear god in heaven
tinyurl.com/krjr2w (Yes, yes, I'm aware this isn't Links)

NSFW

NSFH (Not Safe For Humanity)

NSFS (Not Safe For Soul)

The link goes to a video which is of a man who has been injecting silicon into his cock. For 6 years. Quite why he thought this was a good idea, I don't know.

What has horrified you lately OT?
(Ghost Atreides enjoying incontestable health benefits on, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 2:05, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

So I'm sat here.
Slaving away over revision for an exam that is going to absolutely own me tomorrow, and all I can hear is one of my flatmates shagging. Lovely. Thanks guys.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 23:14, 15 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Bus. Ride. Of. Hell.
I got on the bus and somehow ended up between 3 babys in 2 prams (when I moved on a bit to let them into the 'pram' area, someone wouldn't move, so I had to move into the pram area, and got stuck between two of them).

It was a array of ethnicity between them, with the only common link being the mother who even _I_ at 26, would say is to young for me to date*. I was all "Ok, cute babys, try not to show that you're LOLMENTALing at the moment, have a little smile, think of them as like dogs, you love dogs" to myself.

But then they start playing with my coat, one of them drops something so I pick it up and hand it to the mother. I don't say anything, just keep on listening to the Dizzee Rascal, smile and nod, and for god's sake, do not say anything.

So, almost time for me to get off the bus now, and I smile to the mother and say "Cute kids...", I was being friendly, making some conversation, but all I got back from that was the dirtest looks (I think she would have called them 'evils', back in the day). Next stop, one before mine, I get off, but I have to get her to move to the side, "excuse me" I mumble, and she steps back and I get off.

And now here I am, telling all you lot this.

* A little insight into The Mind of Gonz there: That's how I judge age of women, if I think they're to young/old for me.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 18:01, 32 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

If proof were needed that I'm turning into my mother then.......
Having just spent 10 minutes trying to get the plastic safety wrapping off the bath foam container to put in my bath, I have now realised it's mouthwash.

*sobs*
( girlinthehole, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 17:22, 18 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

The people of Hull are ace
www.thisishullandeastriding.co.uk/news/Window-fall-girl-threatens-legal-action-Hull-bus-firm/article-1721529-detail/article.html
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 16:51, 21 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Are there any German speakers here?
Better yet, any Germans?

Proper question in replies.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 15:01, 132 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Bollocks
I missed by 4th B3taday. I was going to have balloons and buns and bring jelly for you all.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 14:40, 14 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm bored silly today coupled with a slight frisson of excitment.
And today's question is....

What floats your boat?
( girlinthehole, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 14:18, 70 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Following directly on from Purpledoris
you've now had your delicious last meal and been horribly executed.

What song(s) do you want playing at your funeral?

I want Blue Oyster Cult's Don't Fear the Reaper, because no matter how many people joke that they want that at their funeral, I still think it's funny. My equally humour-retarded friend wants The Jam's Going Underground.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 13:32, 110 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

ok - a foodie question......
If you were on Death Row, what delight would you request for your last meal? You have a budget (apparently) of $40.

Griddle pans allowed.......after all I do have two......
(Purpledoris I've got afeckin' job, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 12:44, 60 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Someone on here (Cancer?) said Drambuie was nice.
So, believing everything I am told on the internet, I've just bought a bottle, swayed in no small part by the nice font on the bottle.

Assuming this hasn't been a £23.95 error and it is universally derided as an upmarket Buckfast, how is it best consumed?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 12:38, 34 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Last night on Hollyoakes
Cindy opened her new clothing store with an 80s theme. She brought out an old vinyl sleeve that I saw enough of to realise it was Rio by Duran Duran. When the music started playing though it was Girls On Film. I instantly thought, "That's balls. Girls On Film was from Duran Duran's first album. Rio was their second."

What have you recently experienced that made you proud and ashamed simultaneously?
( djtrialprice, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 11:33, 66 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Do you ever feel like throwing everything away?
I have a house full of stuff that just sits there, it will all end up in a land fill at some point, so why not clear it out now?

I have draws full of photos I dont look at, clothes I haven't worn in years, CDs I never listen to and cupboards full of stuff that I cant junk because of some sentiMENTAL reason or other.

The only items I dont resent are my books, but even some of them sit there and mock me...yes, i'm looking at you university books from 13 years ago, I dont think i'll ever read "Mineral Nutrition in Higher Plants" ever again (But it cost me 30 quid).

Can you even throw photos away? I dont want to erase my past...or do I?
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 11:30, 36 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I've just been told that "in fairness to [colleague] she works 10 hour days so was likely too busy to finish it"
as an explanation as to why something has landed on my desk.

I take issue with this. She doesn't have to work 10 hour days. We certainly aren't paid enough to work that long all the time, and we do have some flexibility with regard to how much work we get assigned.

I don't mind working overtime when a deadline demands it, but doing it every day and still not being able to get everything done smells of inefficiency to me, or that someone is doing the wrong job.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 11:09, 24 replies, latest was 16 years ago)