Every time I press Return I get a window about sound and playback devices
Why? Alternatively (I would put this all on a new line but the return button problem prohibits me from doing that) if you could be famous for one day what would you do and what would you be famous for? (Excuse the appalling syntax but loss of return is putting me off).
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 10:49, 273 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Morning fuckers, I've got today, Friday and all weekend off now.
What should I do to celebrate this momentous time. Aside from MOAR BEEEEEEER of course, that's a given.

Alt Q: we haven't done fantasy festival for a while; which bands, existing or defunct would you have play at your festival?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 10:26, 69 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Things have started to move
and I'm so excited!

Mark talked with our boss yesterday and I'm doing it today.

I got aN Estate agent to valuate my flat for rent (anyone interested in a 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom, 2 balconies, 2 floors nice flat near Piccadilly train station?)

Mark's puting his house for selling this week.

We're starting to look for flats to rent in the area between Worthing and London.

Southern South, there we go!

So, tell me, what would you do if you had a unicorn? Would you trade it for a pegasus?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 30 Jun 2010, 9:48, 57 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Anyone been watching Tribal Wives on BBC2?
It's quite funny watching a load of neurotic women living with tribes around the world and seeing how they cope. I wouldn't mind doing it but I hate heat, flies and don't eat meat so I'd be buggered really.

So my question is...If you had to choose to live in extreme heat or extreme cold, which would it be?
( girlinthehole, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 9:04, 110 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Do I really want to sort this out ? DILEMMA.
About 6 months ago I was in my local, which I use most days, talking the usual shite. My (very vain) mate Tim (who I thought was a mate) and I were talking about what we had done that day - he is a house husband and I run a very difficult business. (think EU bollocks preventing me from earning any money) So after he'd taken the piss out of the fact I have a cleaner every week and built upon that as to how lazy I was, I then asked him what he had done that day. Response was that he'd done some washing cleaning and ironing, "something that was beyond me" (i.e taking the piss) and that he'd been to the dentist. I immediately said to him "what - to have your teeth whitened" to which he took very big umbridge to and proceeded to get extremely annoyed that I had said it in front of his friends.

I dont give a fuck about his teeth or his whitening, but his last words to me were :

"YOU'D BETTER GIVE ME A WIDE BERTH WHEN YOU COME HERE NEXT TIME"

So - guess what ?

I HAVE.

Now, every time I approach the pub he leaves. He is an ex-policeman (traffic) and used to continually ask questions about my lifestyle etc etc, but was amusing, so, do I try and make it up with him or come to an agreement and talk ?

My husband says its silly and we should make up but the bloke is really a complete cunt and i cant be doing with it. However, the other regulars are beginning to ask why he leaves when I arrive and its such a close community in there its a tad difficult not to get on with someone.

Advice ? (I think I know the answers...........) !!!!
( Tiggy the diver, Tue 29 Jun 2010, 22:40, 50 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Pfffft
Just had a look at my Friends Activity page, and it says 'Pooflake posted this on the Starting Something You Couldn't Finish QOTW, and Enzyme liked it.

The whole thing sounds vaguely homo-erotic if you ask me. Get a room you two!

EDIT In response to Gonz's youtube kitten video earlier, I found this
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 29 Jun 2010, 22:17, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I've been eating some fucking nice salads recently
no wait!...hear me out

todays delight was constructed of lettuce from my own garden, griddled king prawns, crispy pancetta, green beans, thyme and garlic croutons, griddled sweet red pepper, spring onion and a lemon, roasted garlic and caper mayonnaise developed by my own fair hand.

nomptious.

what are you feasting on?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 29 Jun 2010, 19:09, 62 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Achievements
A week on from the Unfinished Business question
Nothing to see here for the moment de-RIS
( djtrialprice, Tue 29 Jun 2010, 16:32, 40 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm so fucking bored.
Too hot, immobile and generally irritable to do anything. My concentration span has diminished so that I can't even read trashy novels in one sitting. The Internet is particularly shit today. Someone, somewhere must have something interesting to say, no?

Alt Q: if you had to exclude one person from /offtopic on the basis of being boring, who would it be? Give an example of why they bore you. Hopefully start a fight with them; that might amuse me.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 29 Jun 2010, 15:05, 253 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Cars are boring
Help me persuade Wiggy to go on Come Dine With Me.

Or, tell me what show you would like to be on.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 29 Jun 2010, 12:43, 255 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Vroooooom!
I have recently passed my driving test, and now need to buy a car. I'm looking for a diesel, something smallish like a corsa/saxo perhaps 1.1l.
Does anybody have any advice for buying a car or any particular models to look at/avoid?

Alt Q: What is the greatest toast topper?
(TheColonel, Tue 29 Jun 2010, 11:38, 144 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Fucking hell I'm bored. When's Chompy back? I feel like fightin'
Alternatively, let's talk about something happy! Toy Story 3's out next month! England are suddenly inexplicably good at cricket! The weather appears to be vaguely half-decentish! What else has made you happy lately?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 29 Jun 2010, 9:59, 261 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Good morning you lot! It's 1am this side of the world.
I had a fucking brilliant morning - I'm not going into details although I know about 4 of you know about it. On a side/sad note, lost another friend last week, but we played this at his funeral today (after the brilliant news). He was a great fisherman and requested it for his service!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=4CddnsHSlMw

Ever seen a bunch of people try to laugh and cry at the same time? It was funny!
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Tue 29 Jun 2010, 9:08, 15 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Good morning
How are we all on this fine summer morning?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 29 Jun 2010, 8:21, 100 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Bash pics up now
Including Cockneck.

*edit* Since I'm obviously not that bright and failed to actually post them you can find them if you look for speedhorn2000 in flickr.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 18:53, 18 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

GRRRRRR!!
I am being driven mad by mosquito bites, mosquitos themselves and houseflies.

Any recommendations of how to be rid of them?
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 16:40, 57 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I've just been asked to DJ an afterparty that Sepultura are throwing at their upcoming gig
The offer included the words "if you're interested?"

What resoundingly stupid questions have you been asked lately?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 15:52, 202 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I took pity on a friend on Saturday night who had taken too many drugs
and let him pass out in my bed. He vomited all over it. And into my wicker basket.

What's the worst thing that's happened to you at a party?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 14:22, 225 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

As I promised to several people
and I don't remember all the usernames, I'm going to post it in the replies. Now, if you don't want to read another recipe, just don't click on reply. You don't need to tell me off again for not gazing it to every person. Just go on reading something else.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 28 Jun 2010, 12:29, 61 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Someone was thinking of Monty at the bash on Saturday and defaced my calender.
Pic in replies.
( girlinthehole, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 11:57, 49 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I've just had a friend request from either Roota or a complete stranger
This is incredibly exciting to a socially inadequate reprobate like me. What's excited you lately? Apart from the Bash I missed. Oh, and anyone who says anything about football can fuck off.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 11:11, 111 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

The cat's talking.
I hate this hour of the day.
I think I went to bed at about half past ten. Too early, but then I was drunk.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 5:15, 105 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Woo! I'm back on-line.
Everyone has gone and I've tidied up a bit. No-one tried to molest me, (apart from Bert), I was ill and in bed most of Saturday day-time so didn't drink Saturday evening. Everyone is fucking lovely and I miss them already.
( girlinthehole, Sun 27 Jun 2010, 17:18, 35 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Well, for all of you who're fed up with the football,
you needn't worry anymore. England have really outdone themselves this time. I've not seen a more inept excuse for a football team in a long while. They were unconvincing against the US, failed to beat glorified pub side Algeria, did just about enough against Slovenia and are currently getting absolutely railed by the Germans.

They'll be booking their flights home already, I should think.
( Kroney, Sun 27 Jun 2010, 16:35, 19 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Beekers just bought non alcoholic lager for a bash.
What a collosal bell end. But we love him anyway.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Sat 26 Jun 2010, 19:44, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Todmorden Ho!
I'm in Hebden Bridge just waiting for a taxi to... Adventure!

How about you?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sat 26 Jun 2010, 17:25, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Morning weekenders
how are we all, those few of us that are unlucky enough to be awake and in front of a computer at this ungodly hour on a saturday morning? My wellbeing is only tempered by the fact that I ate brains last night. Actual sheeps brains, with chilli and garlic. I'm wondering when I start to rot and turn into a zombie.
( DarkSon a time and date will follow this username on, Sat 26 Jun 2010, 9:42, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Righty-ho.
I'm off to play a load of records I am fed up to the back teeth with, for four hours, to a probably miniscule 'crowd' of completely uninterested fashion benders in 'Swinging Shoreditch' for a pathetic amount of money.

The glamour, the glamour...

Night.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 22:30, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Quote from the 1st night of the blousie/bk bash
"the difference between 9/11 and piston.broke's standup is that piston didn't bring the house down" - Boss Keloid
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 20:50, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)