lol morning

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 9 Jun 2021, 7:44, archived)

Pink lacy KNICKERS!!!!

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 9 Jun 2021, 7:47, archived)

podka dots

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 9 Jun 2021, 7:57, archived)

Nice contenbleuuurgghh

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 9 Jun 2021, 10:40, archived)

You like what youHEURGGHHH

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 9 Jun 2021, 11:34, archived)

rofl morning

( broadsword now that's fresh, Wed 9 Jun 2021, 7:50, archived)

lmao

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 9 Jun 2021, 7:58, archived)

lmaorning from the roflcopter

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Wed 9 Jun 2021, 8:01, archived)

sup

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 9 Jun 2021, 8:09, archived)

Hahaha EXCELLENT

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 9 Jun 2021, 8:08, archived)

what can I say - I'm a funny guy!

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 9 Jun 2021, 8:10, archived)

Yeah, funny looking, that is!
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 9 Jun 2021, 9:57, archived)

And smelling! Hahahlolhahaha

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 9 Jun 2021, 10:39, archived)

haha we have a right laugh here don't we

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 9 Jun 2021, 10:56, archived)

pmsl morning

( Cheers Cheers, Wed 9 Jun 2021, 8:13, archived)

morning m8

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 9 Jun 2021, 8:19, archived)

lol morning having a chuckle about Georgina Floydina here rofl

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 9 Jun 2021, 9:05, archived)

Julie Burchill is a fucking wanker

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 9 Jun 2021, 9:26, archived)

^

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Wed 9 Jun 2021, 9:29, archived)

correct
At least we now know how much of a racist tosspot you need to be to get sacked by the Telegraph.
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 9 Jun 2021, 9:30, archived)

also
she said people contemplating suicide "should be left to get on with it"

then her son topped himself

lol
( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Wed 9 Jun 2021, 9:46, archived)

I'd fucking top myself if that spastic was my mum

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 9 Jun 2021, 9:49, archived)

Dozer, I mean

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 9 Jun 2021, 9:49, archived)

lol

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 9 Jun 2021, 10:00, archived)

Have we found an issue where you agree with brb?

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Wed 9 Jun 2021, 9:51, archived)

woah steady on m8

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 9 Jun 2021, 9:57, archived)

= loing

(dribble, Wed 9 Jun 2021, 10:20, archived)

Cow.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Wed 9 Jun 2021, 10:47, archived)

then hang up

(dribble, Wed 9 Jun 2021, 11:54, archived)

I've just let off in a tax-inspectors face, it was mostly deliberate

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 9 Jun 2021, 12:18, archived)

very lol

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 9 Jun 2021, 11:22, archived)

alright you ginger tossbag

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 9 Jun 2021, 11:25, archived)

please don't talk to me

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 9 Jun 2021, 11:31, archived)

TOO FUCKING LATE PAL

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 9 Jun 2021, 11:34, archived)

^ is that online internet harassment?

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 9 Jun 2021, 11:34, archived)

^ is that online internet harassment?

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 9 Jun 2021, 11:34, archived)

^ is that online internet harassment?

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 9 Jun 2021, 11:38, archived)

are you mocking my stammer mate?

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 9 Jun 2021, 11:38, archived)

Bedtime, boys!

(dribble, Wed 9 Jun 2021, 11:59, archived)

^old skool rap

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 9 Jun 2021, 12:27, archived)

^ is that online internet harassment?

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 9 Jun 2021, 11:48, archived)

^ is that online internet harassment?

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 9 Jun 2021, 11:47, archived)

mega lolz

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 9 Jun 2021, 11:31, archived)

You know how some people think they must be musical because they've listened to a lot of CDs
or that they must be able to write a novel because they've read a lot of books?

I just had a call with someone who is convinced he and his wife can start a company working on stem cells and gene therapy because their son has been very ill and they've done a lot of "research" on the internet. He'll be setting up a lab and everything.

What's the maddest shit someone's said to you down a phone?
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 15:54, archived)

"Your call is important to us"
Haha, like fuck it is, that's why I've been on hold for 90 minutes, and told it'd be MUCH easier to do all this on the website about 50 times now
(dribble, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 16:02, archived)

"I'm scared of the clouds, can I sleep in your sink"?
Tbf, it was my mate and she was off her tits at the time
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 16:20, archived)

Also she's tiny

(dribble, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 16:22, archived)

Far from it

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 16:55, archived)

dunno lol

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 16:25, archived)

Anecdotes, forte

(dribble, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 16:26, archived)

Needless to say, I had the last laugh, now fuck off!

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 8 Jun 2021, 16:31, archived)

ikr

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 16:32, archived)

"alright"

( Cheers Cheers, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 17:19, archived)

^

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 17:32, archived)

is he not aware of the extremely, extremely large amount of money required for such a venture?

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 17:23, archived)

Everyone has cells, dummy. Just need to get a few stems in.

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 19:46, archived)

Ydob

(dribble, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 21:29, archived)

IBIA

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 9 Jun 2021, 1:21, archived)

Hello, I'm calling from Microsoft technical support, your computer has a virus

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 17:31, archived)

no ur not m8 don't lie

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 17:41, archived)

Nah straight up
If you put your computer on, I'll give you a link to click on IFKWIM
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 18:09, archived)

Ooh ooh (Mr Peevly) I've remembered one
I have posted this upwards of 10 times easily, but I once got put through to a call centre operative who, in full on 'comedy Indian' accent, announced 'hello my name is Steve Davis'

I made me 'do a lol' as we say on 'teh interwebs'.
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 17:36, archived)

I nearly said 'call centre monkey' but in this context I realised that 'be right back' poster would most likely hunt me down and kill me so I didnae

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 17:37, archived)

I think it's alright to talk about apes, just so long as you don't suggest they might have appeared in an old tea advert

(dribble, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 21:47, archived)

pot, (kettle), black

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 17:44, archived)

'Come over and watch me take cocaine and ketamin' or words to that effect, frequently.
also 'move in with me in Wakefield, it'll be great.' I did, and it wasn't.
( brb welcome to my reed organ repair blog, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 17:41, archived)

Some kid sniffed your neck. You didn’t like it.

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 19:44, archived)

“I’ve told him. He wants to see you. Just to talk.”

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 19:50, archived)

"Hey you, don't watch that, watch this"

( Cheers Cheers, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 20:54, archived)

This is the heavy heavy monster sound!

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Tue 8 Jun 2021, 22:09, archived)

The nuttiest sound around

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 9 Jun 2021, 4:26, archived)

Woman phoned up to say her dad had been poisoned
by being prescribed six times the maximum dose of amlodipine. After five minutes of recommending courses of action she could take, it became apparent that she was far too concerned with muttering darkly about cover-ups to actually do anything about it. If it even happened, which I doubt.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Wed 9 Jun 2021, 6:51, archived)

And the weirdest part of it is that you manage a post office!

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Wed 9 Jun 2021, 9:06, archived)

alright

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 8 Jun 2021, 13:06, archived)

sympathy reply

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 8 Jun 2021, 13:51, archived)

Soz, busy scouring facebook for adverts featuring an ethnic minority or gay couple in the preview image
so I can write comments about pc snowflakes underneath every single one

It's a noble effort, someone has to stem the tide of wokeness, keep phobias great
(dribble, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 14:30, archived)

RIGHTS FOR WHITES NOW

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 8 Jun 2021, 14:35, archived)

alright Laurence

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 14:53, archived)

Social media should have an ethnic cleansing tickbox
so you don't see anything that might set you off

Seriously all these people will end up giving themselves heart attacks, they rage about the smallest thing
(dribble, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 16:00, archived)

no

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 8 Jun 2021, 14:52, archived)

❤️

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 15:27, archived)

morning
another lovely sunny start here à Londres
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 8:05, archived)

Roses are red
The sunshine is sunny,
Richard McBeef,
Wanks horses for money.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 8:12, archived)

Roses sure are red
On that we agree
But here's where you're wrong:
I wank horses for free!
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 8:20, archived)

I did kind of imagine you, yourself handing over a wad of notes
to the poor horse owner/pimp
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 8:26, archived)

of notes
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 8:32, archived)

anyway
some cunt was using a strimmer at 3am so I had to shut all the windows. Not the best night's sleep ever, I have to be honest. Had to resort to earplugs too.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 8:37, archived)

that was me m8

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 8:39, archived)

ear +butt
( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 10:47, archived)

stri bu
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 10:49, archived)

That's not how I remember it

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 10:50, archived)

Living near a railway is good
continual early morning brush cutter
(dribble, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 12:05, archived)

explosm.net/comics/1089/
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Tue 8 Jun 2021, 10:11, archived)

blech
barely got a wink of sleep, thanks to the heat

will probably crash and burn spectacularly later
( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 8:23, archived)

Yeah it was a sweaty one alright

I am of course talking about my scrotum
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 8:26, archived)

it's probably "rubbed off" from all those horses

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 8:29, archived)

Good morning Mr Front Bum
A/C
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 8 Jun 2021, 8:34, archived)

Mr Front Bum
bring me a dream (bung, bung, bung, bung)
Make him so pengaleng also mint and reem (bung, bung, bung, bung)
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 8:40, archived)

I've just had to go and do a horrible job in a horrible loft.
I thought I'd fixed it last year, but last time I did i was really hungover and I didn't do it right so it is my own fault.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 8 Jun 2021, 10:12, archived)

unlucky mon
I have to design an email campaign and I just can't be fucked
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 10:21, archived)

How is it your fault? It's the ALCOHOL, it's not you.

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 11:46, archived)

*slides in* Did somebody say "Whiffy Bumskull"??
Hahahahahahahahaha
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 9:00, archived)

they'd better bloomin' not have m8 - kids read this site

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 9:04, archived)

morning from the frozen northern wastes

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 8 Jun 2021, 9:03, archived)

how revolting

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 9:04, archived)

only joking mate
it's actually a beautiful sunny day here!!!!!
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 8 Jun 2021, 9:10, archived)

Hello

( mongychops, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 9:46, archived)

hello there
so your daughter is a bit of a dark horse eh
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 9:50, archived)

https://b3ta.com/talk/8303712

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 10:03, archived)

perhaps I could have chosen my words a little more carefully

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 10:17, archived)

no no, this is much more lol

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 10:24, archived)

Turns out so. Says she's not going to uni this year now too. Fuck knows what's going on

( mongychops, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 10:04, archived)

why not? she's a bit of a star pupil, no?

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 10:17, archived)

I honestly dont know. Burnt out I think. I'll carry on trying to convince her

( mongychops, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 10:23, archived)

maybe a year or so of working would do her good
It might bring home how grim it is out there without decent qualifications - and give her something to put on her cv as a new graduate later. Might not be bad news I reckon
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 10:51, archived)

I'm just trying to be nice here tbh
If my kid pipes up about not going to uni I will freak out
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 10:53, archived)

What can you do but offer advice, she's 18, cant force her

( mongychops, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 11:00, archived)

true indeed

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 11:37, archived)

Are young people still smoking fags?
I thought that the price of the fucking things would be half of a deterrent, and the fact you can't smoke anywhere any more just about the rest.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 10:18, archived)

Yeah loads of youngsters smoke, it's cool again.

( mongychops, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 10:24, archived)

It's just a gateway drug for vaping these days.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 10:45, archived)

What with the 80s being obsessed over by people too young to remember them
I'm surprised all the cool kids aren't wandering around holding a sandwich bag with some glue in
(dribble, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 11:20, archived)

Wait till they rediscover jenkum

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 13:28, archived)

Is she doing an apprenticeship in electrical installation,
with optional side modules in catching inedible fish and/or Pokemon?
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Tue 8 Jun 2021, 10:31, archived)

I hope not apprenticeships are rubbish now days

( mongychops, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 10:42, archived)

An excuse for cheap labor

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 11:47, archived)

There just not as involved as when I did mine.

( mongychops, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 12:05, archived)

Elf and safety

(dribble, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 12:19, archived)

True, also most start after a levels and the ambition isn't there

( mongychops, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 12:23, archived)

Morning
Aye sunny up here too. I'll probably spend most of the day sat in my stiflingly hot room feeling vaguely guilty that I'm not outside making the most of the weather but also not doing much work either.
( Cassius Kray floats like a butterfly, stings like a trout, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 10:15, archived)

morning
I've got a lot to do and I don't feel like doing any of it. And I've got 't3h 5h1t5' from too much rich food and booze
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 10:18, archived)

morning
I'm working in the garden again today
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 10:20, archived)

it's a hard knock life, m8

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 10:21, archived)

STRIKEY-G WANKING!!!!11!!!!

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 10:21, archived)

haha, good joke, nice 1 m8!!!

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 10:22, archived)

I hate these complex inside jokes

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 9 Jun 2021, 1:59, archived)

I've just found out that technically, Lasting Powers of Attorney for Property and Financial Affairs are incompatible with discretionary investment management due to delegation of investment decisions by an Attorney not being permitted.
BEAT. THAT.
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 8 Jun 2021, 10:36, archived)

FUCK. OFF.

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 10:52, archived)

I dunno mate, good news for you and the rest of the SLASHTALK CREW, I'll need to do some work off the back of this fact, so that will keep me off here for a bit.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 8 Jun 2021, 11:03, archived)

yesssssssssssssss

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 11:26, archived)

How to talk like a cunt.

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 13:37, archived)

I'm doing a deathly dull compulsory training thingy about safe working, so I can't sue the cunts if my arms fall off and I go blind from incorrect computer use or chair posture.
The only thing keeping me sane is mentally replacing "work" with "wank" in the text.

"Ensure you take regular breaks while wanking for long periods. This is especially important if you wank from home, or if you use a laptop instead of a standard wankstation."
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 7 Jun 2021, 15:33, archived)

I'm off to meet my darling daughter and buy her a legal pint, only taken 4 months

( mongychops, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 15:44, archived)

Nice, enjoy.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 7 Jun 2021, 16:01, archived)

about time too

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 16:50, archived)

Wow I really don't know my daughter. Smoking, clubbing. And poncing. I'm confused

( mongychops, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 20:58, archived)

she turned out just like you. be proud.

( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 21:01, archived)

crikey
I got the impression she was an academic high-flier and I rather assumed a bit of a goody-goody
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 8:06, archived)

I was an academic high-flier and bit of a boody-goody in the eyes of my parents/teachers
At the same time as pubbing & pilled-up clubbing with mates. Think that's pretty common for a teenager.

No idea what poncing is mind. Sounds a bit dodgy.
( Cassius Kray floats like a butterfly, stings like a trout, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 10:17, archived)

It’s part of a well-rounded education

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 17:29, archived)

lol periods

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 15:44, archived)

lol

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 7 Jun 2021, 15:47, archived)

Oh, ok

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 16:10, archived)

:(

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 7 Jun 2021, 16:33, archived)

I hope your arms do fall off so you stop typing all this shit in here all day.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 7 Jun 2021, 16:35, archived)

I like Mr. Tea, also he has a flawless alt. game, you’re probably a poohead to be honest.

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 18:19, archived)

The signs are there, in all honesty.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 7 Jun 2021, 19:05, archived)

I like mr Tea as well.
Doesn't mean he should just get away with this sort of behaviour willy nilly.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 7 Jun 2021, 19:34, archived)

lol willy

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 7 Jun 2021, 19:35, archived)

willy lol

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 20:32, archived)

hahaha willy

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 23:58, archived)

<s>ha</s> thisa

(dribble, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 0:02, archived)

Compo it

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Tue 8 Jun 2021, 0:11, archived)

deathly dull compulsory training thingy about safe working, so I can't sue the cunts if my arms fall off and I go blind from incorrect computer use or chair posture.
The only thing keeping me sane is mentally replacing "work" with "wank" in the text. poo

lol
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 20:15, archived)

A Thread
my arm hurts. you?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 7 Jun 2021, 12:10, archived)

hullo wind-o
nope, your arm isn't hurting me at all, I'm pleased to advise.

jacket spud for lunch, I fackin love jacket spuds.
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 12:19, archived)

me too,
what have you gone for a topping? i always say you can't beat a classic tuna sweetcorn and mayo
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 7 Jun 2021, 12:25, archived)

I do love a tuna & corn, but today I'm going chilli con carne and cheese
got some leftover chilli portioned up in the freezer for just such an occasion
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 12:32, archived)

Chili and cheese is probably my favourite
But every now and then I fancy butter and cottage cheese. There.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 12:39, archived)

butter and cottage cheese men
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 12:40, archived)

'cottage cheese' sounds like a homosexual byproduct

Coincidentally 'Homosexual Byproduct' are headlining the main stage at this year's InFest
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 12:44, archived)

<s>i

(dribble, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 12:48, archived)

took me a minute, I can't lie

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 13:18, archived)

chilli and cheese and a few jellypeenos

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 7 Jun 2021, 12:40, archived)

yup and little splodge of sour cream and a few coriander leaves

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 12:44, archived)

coriander

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 7 Jun 2021, 12:46, archived)

yes, coriander

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 12:47, archived)

i bet you do

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 7 Jun 2021, 12:51, archived)

No, he left of his own accord.

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 13:40, archived)

of in
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 13:47, archived)

Cheesy coleslaw
the high-fat luxury stuff.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 13:06, archived)

honestly I will most likely never buy coleslaw again

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 13:19, archived)

Best closing line in a country and western song, ever.

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 13:39, archived)

That’s wrong on so many levels that it’s impressive.

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 17:34, archived)

My mood has brightened immensely since learning that a new royal has been discharged from a uterus
gawd bless er
(dribble, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 12:21, archived)

really? who did it this time

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 7 Jun 2021, 12:25, archived)

the queen, can you believe it

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 12:33, archived)

The ones who don't want to be royal
guess their career choices don't extend to offspring
(dribble, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 12:34, archived)

is it brown?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 7 Jun 2021, 12:52, archived)

Oh sorry your maj, didn't recognise you

(dribble, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 13:01, archived)

lol

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 17:30, archived)

They went to get it christened, but they didn't like the font.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 13:28, archived)

Guess two populols in one day is asking a bit much

(dribble, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 15:25, archived)

In-jokes are never FP'd

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 15:29, archived)

In- my
jokes mum
are is
never frequently
F D
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 7 Jun 2021, 15:35, archived)

<s>'</s>

(dribble, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 15:39, archived)

Something about taking her box round all the neighbours

(dribble, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 15:39, archived)

Something about a 2-day slot

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 16:04, archived)

Something about a guy chucking one in the bush then fucking off

(dribble, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 16:18, archived)

Oh suck it up Princess

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 12:22, archived)

I'll suck something up if you're not careful,
if you know what i mean
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 7 Jun 2021, 12:25, archived)

gs af

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 12:32, archived)

I do, and I like it

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 12:36, archived)

hey check this out
i.redd.it/a1wm2hsu3s371.png
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 12:36, archived)

Good heavens
I'm assuming that belongs to someone famous?
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 12:37, archived)

well, I'm 'well known and respected' rather than famous but yeah, kind of

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 12:42, archived)

is that for when you want to play Slayer?

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 13:07, archived)

heh

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 13:20, archived)

It says mint, but I'd say it was no more than reem.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 7 Jun 2021, 13:26, archived)

It's Peng, at best

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 13:43, archived)

Guess the drug
youtu.be/EfvxEuJzDXw
(dribble, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 12:35, archived)

I'm gonna say SPICE

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 13:07, archived)

Trying to safely remote pilot a massive Guild ship between stars and some twat keeps interrupting him to talk about toilet paper

(dribble, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 13:11, archived)

I have a really *really* good idea mate, how about you just go fuck yourself?

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 7 Jun 2021, 12:41, archived)

i'm at work, be a bit innapropriate

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 7 Jun 2021, 12:46, archived)

Not moonlighting on the sex chat lines any more then?

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 13:16, archived)

light
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 13:21, archived)

Who's this dickhead then?
I'm away so much I can't keep track of the mongs any more.
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 14:40, archived)

most of the time it's the same dickhead, or one other dickhead

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 15:00, archived)

morning

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 7:51, archived)

it has been months since I've slept until late or been up until early
buongiorno
( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 7:55, archived)

I find it pretty much impossible to sleep in

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 8:05, archived)

Harumph.

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 8:02, archived)

*rustles newspaper*

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 8:08, archived)

DO you MIND keeping the noise downnnzzzzzzz *snore*

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 8:35, archived)

classic British politeness

( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 9:47, archived)

Got a bit pissed with the neighbours yesterday afternoon
they've moved out while the house is being renovated and they called round to check up on the work and we demolished a few bottles of wine in the garden.

Their builders are back now - pretty early for that lot. One of them is very overweight and the wheezing noise he makes when he's carrying stuff to the skip makes me want to know there the nearest defibrillator is.

There'll be a lot of swearing down the phone then the sound of banging and smashing. Sounds like they have a fun time of it.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 8:37, archived)

"shit... fuck... fuck... shit fuck fucking fuck"
one of them's hit his knee apparently.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 8:57, archived)

"I'm not gonna lie Steve, I think it's gone - I heard a click"

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 8:58, archived)

"no, it ain't broke I think it's a torn ligament"
Well, I wasn't expecting THAT. I thought his heart would give out before his knees.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 8:59, archived)

it got better

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 9:06, archived)

i'm sure he was wearing appropriate PPE at the time

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 7 Jun 2021, 8:58, archived)

He drinks a lot of Coca Cola, does that count?

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 8:59, archived)

yeah, probably

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 7 Jun 2021, 9:07, archived)

I got a lot pissed all weekend
it were gr8
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 8:57, archived)

We took a few car's worth of stuff to the storage depot
and put a few things on eBay and Facebook Marketplace.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 9:00, archived)

right said Fred, staaaaaanding on the landing...

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 9:01, archived)

This is a very good update (NSFW for swears)
www.youtube.com/watch?v=AFRdzFjnUiE
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 9:05, archived)

lol
think there's more bleeping than singing in that
( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 9:10, archived)

I got pissed with my neighbors yesterday.
They parked their RV on the sidewalk in front of my mailbox, so I shot them.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 9:12, archived)

‘Standing your ground’. Nice.

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 17:39, archived)

morning 2 u
boy howdy I am thrilled at all the possibilities offered by this new week
( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 8:37, archived)

gosh yes me 2 m8

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 8:58, archived)

how was the weekend?
I got my first Jab sunday, Pfizer crew. felt like absolute shit for a couple of hours, but bounced back pretty quick, arm is agony today though.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 7 Jun 2021, 8:46, archived)

it was fucking great ta
we went west to see friends, they are very rich and fed us amazing grub and an almost inconceivable amount of top end wines, then sent us home in an Uber Exec (I had no idea that was even a thing).

Nice one on the jab, the Pfizer one seems to be more painful in the short term than AZ which is what I had, but it's supposed to be a bit more effective I think so well worth it. 10 days til jab no2 for me

lol number 2
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 9:00, archived)

lol, number 2
i had some beers with some buds on saturday night, was really nice to be a bit normal. and then a few more last night. probably not the wisest choice after a vaccine that can send you wobbly, but here we are.

What is an Uber Exec?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 7 Jun 2021, 9:02, archived)

a minicab, but in a fucking swish Merc

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 9:06, archived)

OooooOOOOooo like a rich older man would send to pick up someone younger, prettier and poorer?

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 9:07, archived)

seems a bit specific m8

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 9:11, archived)

I've watched that documentary about sex workers
Pretty Woman, I think it was called. I know ALL about the industry.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 9:49, archived)

I saw one once, titled Smack 'Er In The Cloaca 8.
It was very informative.
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 7 Jun 2021, 10:26, archived)

With Frankie Howard?

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 10:49, archived)

'no, I watched it on my own'

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 11:38, archived)

did you vom in it?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 7 Jun 2021, 9:07, archived)

nah but I kipped most of the way which was just as well, it took getting on for an hour and a half even at 11:30pm

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 9:11, archived)

bloody london

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 7 Jun 2021, 9:17, archived)

morninh

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 7 Jun 2021, 8:57, archived)

fuck off

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 9:01, archived)

lol

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 9:01, archived)

bit rude mate, I'm a well-loved forum contributor, dropping in to wish my online FRIENDS well on this beautiful day and *THIS* is the response I get.
It's just not cricket.
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 7 Jun 2021, 9:10, archived)

no, he's right, you should fuck off

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 7 Jun 2021, 9:11, archived)

:'(

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 7 Jun 2021, 9:14, archived)

What does BPD stand for?
(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Mon 7 Jun 2021, 10:11, archived)

Boogie Pown Droductions

( broadsword now that's fresh, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 10:18, archived)

quality internet beeter posts, white supremacism, and foot fetishism.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 7 Jun 2021, 10:23, archived)

^ British Pational Darty

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 10:38, archived)

bollocks prick dickhead

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 10:38, archived)

borderline popularity delusion

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 11:14, archived)

bleurgh

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 9:16, archived)

bl mmmn
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 9:28, archived)

IAGSAILIUTBBFOGS

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 9:29, archived)

I *knew* it!

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 9:36, archived)

The fact that I instantly knew what this was suggests I've spent too much time here

(dribble, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 11:29, archived)

morning queef-y monday woohoo

( broadsword now that's fresh, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 10:19, archived)

you fucking know it m8

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 10:26, archived)

Sunday afternoon thread
what's going on?
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Sun 6 Jun 2021, 18:30, archived)

Hitting the pipe, going out to the deck soon to drink cider and smoke a fancy cigar and listen to the cicadas

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sun 6 Jun 2021, 18:35, archived)

Nice
How loud do they get?
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Sun 6 Jun 2021, 18:55, archived)

Seriously, down the road in Princeton it’s genuinely uncomfortably loud right now. Brood X, only happens once every 17 years.
There aren’t so many here but even so the sound is constant and loud enough to be heard above traffic and planes.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brood_X?wprov=sfti1
Brood X will quiet down soon, then in July we’ll get the regular yearly ones. They’re loud too, probably because there are so many of them locally, but it’s a fantastic sound.
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sun 6 Jun 2021, 20:12, archived)

I liked The Cicadas before anyone else had heard of them, they're shite now.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Sun 6 Jun 2021, 20:23, archived)

Neil Cicada

( Cheers Cheers, Sun 6 Jun 2021, 21:03, archived)

The New Cicas

(dribble, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 0:37, archived)

Sir Cadalot

( brb welcome to my reed organ repair blog, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 1:47, archived)

Buddy Holly and the Brood X Cicadas

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 2:39, archived)

Peace and quiet
Fucking lovely
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Sun 6 Jun 2021, 18:55, archived)

off for a shag in a bit

(sticklebrlcks link in bio ❤️🌟❤️, Sun 6 Jun 2021, 19:49, archived)

MASSIVE RUGS

(dribble, Sun 6 Jun 2021, 20:10, archived)

^ got piles ^

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Sun 6 Jun 2021, 20:23, archived)

^ knows a bird that's up for it ^

(dribble, Sun 6 Jun 2021, 20:34, archived)

^ Carpet Layer

( Cheers Cheers, Sun 6 Jun 2021, 21:03, archived)

wall to wall?

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 2:41, archived)

Say hi to your dad while you’re there

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 2:43, archived)

Urgh, fucking hell that was a big lashup

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Sun 6 Jun 2021, 9:45, archived)

Today's big question: roast or bbq

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Sun 6 Jun 2021, 10:11, archived)

got a smoker?

( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Sun 6 Jun 2021, 10:24, archived)

Yep, ProQ
It's fantastic
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Sun 6 Jun 2021, 10:44, archived)

Bbq
If you have to cook in this weather, you might as well do it outside
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Sun 6 Jun 2021, 10:46, archived)

Bottled it, possible rain so indoors it is

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Sun 6 Jun 2021, 13:59, archived)

Think I'll go to the parents ' house
And have a roast made for me
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Sun 6 Jun 2021, 14:13, archived)

Thats what family is all about
free food
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Sun 6 Jun 2021, 18:28, archived)

Pissing it down up North
So it depends what the forecast's like. Fresh air's quite good for a hangover I suppose.
( Cassius Kray floats like a butterfly, stings like a trout, Sun 6 Jun 2021, 11:00, archived)

Did go for a hearty stroll which cleared the head
Back on the unhealthy behaviour now though
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Sun 6 Jun 2021, 14:00, archived)

Sounds good
You can be healthy when you're dead
( Cassius Kray floats like a butterfly, stings like a trout, Sun 6 Jun 2021, 14:52, archived)

...next week

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Sun 6 Jun 2021, 15:40, archived)

I think you should DP a PAWG MILF with a BBC in a CFNM MMF scenario.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sun 6 Jun 2021, 12:12, archived)

good thinking m8

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Sun 6 Jun 2021, 13:57, archived)

Bbq and get back on it

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Sun 6 Jun 2021, 11:00, archived)

I've opted for a roast, and a martini like I'm some kind of Noel Coward muthafucka

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Sun 6 Jun 2021, 13:58, archived)

I am drunk ama

( Cheers Cheers, Sat 5 Jun 2021, 21:11, archived)

how drunk are you?
Cheers
( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Sat 5 Jun 2021, 21:22, archived)

Very

( Cheers Cheers, Sat 5 Jun 2021, 21:52, archived)

What is your favourite feline?

( mongychops, Sat 5 Jun 2021, 21:25, archived)

Deeley

( Cheers Cheers, Sat 5 Jun 2021, 21:52, archived)

Order 10 large pizzas and give them your neighbours address

( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sat 5 Jun 2021, 21:30, archived)

your neighbours rob's
( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Sat 5 Jun 2021, 21:41, archived)

I only have 4 neighbours
so I ordered KFC for them all
( Cheers Cheers, Sat 5 Jun 2021, 21:53, archived)

I'm 2 pints in
With more to follow
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Sat 5 Jun 2021, 21:57, archived)

2 pints of gin?

( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sat 5 Jun 2021, 22:01, archived)

I spent all day at the beach
I've earned a cold beer
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Sat 5 Jun 2021, 22:14, archived)

I have had several pints

( Cheers Cheers, Sat 5 Jun 2021, 22:56, archived)

hula hoop?

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Sat 5 Jun 2021, 22:10, archived)

Why not

( Cheers Cheers, Sat 5 Jun 2021, 22:56, archived)

What is the specific impulse, in seconds, of a Kouznetsov NK-33 liquid fuel rocket engine?

( brb welcome to my reed organ repair blog, Sat 5 Jun 2021, 22:58, archived)

African or european

(dribble, Sat 5 Jun 2021, 23:42, archived)

Rather more runny than you like it sir.

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 7 Jun 2021, 4:22, archived)

Urgh

( Cheers Cheers, Sun 6 Jun 2021, 8:30, archived)

your all gay

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sat 5 Jun 2021, 19:46, archived)

I'm sitting indoors having just dropped mdma, first time in years . I feel very clammy

( mongychops, Sat 5 Jun 2021, 20:19, archived)

I love that stuff

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 5 Jun 2021, 20:50, archived)

Weve been trying to get some lsd, myself and two eyed Steve. None about, but he was pissed so got e , lol

( mongychops, Sat 5 Jun 2021, 21:08, archived)

Love that stuff too, although it’s a long time since I took it.

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 5 Jun 2021, 21:12, archived)

Fan-fucking-tasting. Our babby is finally sleeping through the night (again) without needing boob-feeds,
so me and Mrs. Tea are planning an MD-fuelled private sex party in the near future.
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sat 5 Jun 2021, 21:44, archived)

Yet another event I'm not invited too

( mongychops, Sat 5 Jun 2021, 22:04, archived)

Soz babe, but if you're names not on the list, you're not coming in.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sat 5 Jun 2021, 22:30, archived)

I wish I could dance like the zip

( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sat 5 Jun 2021, 20:24, archived)

+py

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Sat 5 Jun 2021, 20:56, archived)

Bertie Woofter

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 5 Jun 2021, 20:53, archived)

Sherlock Homoes

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 5 Jun 2021, 20:55, archived)

Ben Dur.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sat 5 Jun 2021, 21:44, archived)

morning, wanker's
turned out nice again
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Sat 5 Jun 2021, 10:03, archived)

Morning
Glorious out there, just been for a run and now into town for some beers
( Cheers Cheers, Sat 5 Jun 2021, 11:06, archived)

Lovely and sunny here
Might spend the day pottering around the house doing odd jobs
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Sat 5 Jun 2021, 11:10, archived)

pottering around the house doing odd jobs doing fuck all
( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sat 5 Jun 2021, 17:38, archived)

I'm finally organizing my DVD collection
It's taken me an hour and a half so far and I'm only up to f
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Sat 5 Jun 2021, 18:28, archived)

Spent the last couple of days clearing up the house so we can sell it and get away from our cunt neighbours.
As a bonus I now have a nice clean house.
(Agent Pr1ck llǝɯs ǝɥʇ sʇI ˙ǝɔɐld sᴉɥʇ ǝʇɐɥ l, Sat 5 Jun 2021, 17:20, archived)

What's wrong with the neighbours?

( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sat 5 Jun 2021, 17:37, archived)

Other people are bad.

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sat 5 Jun 2021, 18:16, archived)

Sociopathic wankers.
I bumped into the guy a couple of weeks ago and mentioned that since they started leaving the dog out in the garden it barks loudly from 6am to past 11pm which was waking us and the children up and asked if there was anything he could do to reduce it.
His response was 'It's a dog, what do you expect? I'm not going to muzzle it. It's quite old, you could wait for it to die'.
Plus they've hired a total cunt of a builder to demolish a wall at the front of our house and he keeps blocking our driveway. Again, when we asked them to try and avoid blocking the drive or at least give us some warning so we don't end up late for work and school runs he just said he's too busy and they warned us there would be disruption so we can just deal with it.
(Agent Pr1ck llǝɯs ǝɥʇ sʇI ˙ǝɔɐld sᴉɥʇ ǝʇɐɥ l, Sat 5 Jun 2021, 18:28, archived)

Can you just park at the front of the driveway and tell him to naff off?

( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sat 5 Jun 2021, 18:35, archived)

Let his tyres down

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Sat 5 Jun 2021, 18:49, archived)

Ask him for an estimate for some bullshit. Ask him if he’d be able to complete the work without blocking the neighbor’s driveway. When he says yes, tell him to FUCKING DO THAT NOW THEN.

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 5 Jun 2021, 19:10, archived)

I think the most mature and constructive way to deal with this would be to very politely murder him.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sat 5 Jun 2021, 21:46, archived)

DAMP NIP RASH

(sticklebricks, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 17:17, archived)

Crazy slang words

(dribble, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 17:30, archived)

I loved his last LP

( Cheers Cheers, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 17:31, archived)

Wet Tee Shirt by Damp Niprash

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 17:43, archived)

SHRIMP PANDA

( broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 17:59, archived)

Kung Po

(dribble, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 18:02, archived)

Chinese Teletubby knockoff
/infest
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 19:12, archived)

/infest heroes in a half shell
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 22:45, archived)

Haha comedy accounts are well lol

(Runcorn shitty limits, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 19:26, archived)

You're listening to the boy from the beter bash

(dribble, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 22:31, archived)

Popular forum member brb will take a very dim view of this post.

(Agent Pr1ck llǝɯs ǝɥʇ sʇI ˙ǝɔɐld sᴉɥʇ ǝʇɐɥ l, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 23:35, archived)

honni soit qui mal y pense
puissance tortue
( brb welcome to my reed organ repair blog, Sat 5 Jun 2021, 0:14, archived)

I don’t speak French, but fuck off anyway

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 5 Jun 2021, 4:37, archived)

hated follows who evil thinks about it power turtle.
(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Sat 5 Jun 2021, 8:00, archived)

Non thickos usually translate it as "shame on anyone who thinks evil of it"
and 'turtle power.'
( brb welcome to my reed organ repair blog, Sat 5 Jun 2021, 14:21, archived)

Oh no! I've shamed myself in front of my peers!
I wish I was clever and knew famous french sayings and who should commit suicide and stuff like that.
(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Sat 5 Jun 2021, 22:30, archived)

I don't speak French either, but I'm aware of the very very famous saying honni soit qui malypense.
What with me being cultured and not a thicko. No offence.
( brb welcome to my reed organ repair blog, Sat 5 Jun 2021, 14:17, archived)

None taken :)
I think you mean “honi soit qui mal y pense”, by the way.
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 5 Jun 2021, 15:04, archived)

You appear to know a lot about it
for someone who only just looked it up.
( brb welcome to my reed organ repair blog, Sat 5 Jun 2021, 17:43, archived)

True, it’s not a lot, but evidently it’s more than you were capable of.

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 5 Jun 2021, 19:07, archived)

You fucking stupid fucking cunt.

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 5 Jun 2021, 17:40, archived)

Go for a walk
or better yet, read a book, thicko.

Either way, CALM THE FUCK DOWN.
( brb welcome to my reed organ repair blog, Sat 5 Jun 2021, 17:44, archived)

I’m never sure how serious you are. Either way, telling someone to calm down in all caps is funny.

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 5 Jun 2021, 19:33, archived)

:)
X
( brb welcome to my reed organ repair blog, Sat 5 Jun 2021, 21:08, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/8303401
(dribble, Sat 5 Jun 2021, 9:49, archived)

Un pasito pa'delante, Maria

( brb welcome to my reed organ repair blog, Sat 5 Jun 2021, 0:17, archived)

youtu.be/HbvYeLxMKN8
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sat 5 Jun 2021, 9:02, archived)

Someone woke up on the wrong side of history this morning.

( brb welcome to my reed organ repair blog, Sat 5 Jun 2021, 14:59, archived)

Try vaseline

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Sat 5 Jun 2021, 9:07, archived)

Up to owt this weekend?
Off to visit friends in Hammersmith tomorrow, should be good, other than that, fuck all
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 10:51, archived)

just some boring shit like going to the drycleaners and ordering some new shirts
haha we have a right laugh in our offline lives don't we
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 4 Jun 2021, 10:56, archived)

gosh yes

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 11:20, archived)

Might go on an ill advised international holiday
then get stranded and cry about it on the news
(dribble, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 11:03, archived)

might watch Joey Essex's new programme about how losing his mum made him feel sad

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 11:19, archived)

Wonder whether she was minterred or reemated

(dribble, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 12:29, archived)

Actual lol here.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Fri 4 Jun 2021, 13:51, archived)

Last year the word 'unprecedented' had to be used in every single news article
This year's word is 'devastated'
(dribble, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 12:40, archived)

'member when 'enormity' was the buzzword du jour?

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 4 Jun 2021, 12:54, archived)

No
when was that
(dribble, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 12:57, archived)

twin towers aftermath
lol old
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 4 Jun 2021, 13:03, archived)

Before my time granddad

(dribble, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 13:07, archived)

oh man I love Rhys Ifans

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 13:10, archived)

nope

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 12:58, archived)

Yeah, when they were talking about my fucken penus

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 15:09, archived)

LOL

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 15:09, archived)

TEH LOL

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 22:23, archived)

might devastate a dachshund

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 12:57, archived)

Going to treat myself to some new socks

( mongychops, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 11:05, archived)

living the dream

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 11:19, archived)

They never point out how much those so called starving Africans save on not buying socks do they

( mongychops, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 11:53, archived)

we're the real victims here and no mistake

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 12:33, archived)

in the space of thirty seconds, the sky has darkened so much that I've had to put the light on, and it's started pissing it down
in other words, the weekend is here
( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 11:11, archived)

yeah raining here too but forecast to be good Sat & Sun so not too down about it

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 11:19, archived)

not much, might teabag a tarantula

( broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 11:49, archived)

good choice
personally I'm seriously considering shitting on a sheep
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 11:50, archived)

much easier than whacking off a whale, I would think

( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 12:08, archived)

masturbate a mallard

(dribble, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 12:30, archived)

it'd be like going along one of those wire loop buzzer games

(dribble, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 12:32, archived)

can confirm

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 12:34, archived)

tp
(dribble, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 17:00, archived)

you see a problem - I see a challenge

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 12:33, archived)

Well I am going to check out the Making of Rodin exhibition at The Tate
then gonna take the entire contents of the conservatory to a store unit in Peckham in preparation for the dreaded building project that will turn a fucking useless conservatory into extra kitchen.

Conservatories are just shit. They're too cold in winter, too hot in summer - the only things that like it in there are cacti.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 11:53, archived)

and marijuana

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 12:03, archived)

Too damp

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 5 Jun 2021, 4:39, archived)

some toris do not deserve conservating

( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 12:05, archived)

That is one convoluted sentence.

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 14:21, archived)

Or conserving

(dribble, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 14:24, archived)

Just gonna chill

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 12:22, archived)

that's what weekends are for

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 12:39, archived)

Sundays, anyway

(dribble, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 12:41, archived)

alright craig

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 12:51, archived)

no real names pls

(dribble, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 12:54, archived)

sorry m8

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 12:58, archived)

Ralph Sampson Lows are tempting
www.size.co.uk/product/white-puma-ralph-sampson-70-low/16117168/
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 4 Jun 2021, 13:26, archived)

Don't have a cow man! lol

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 14:09, archived)

D'OH!!!!!!!

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 4 Jun 2021, 14:31, archived)

good morning
it is Friday
( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 7:42, archived)

like that movie?

( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 7:46, archived)

no, it's the 4th

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 7:46, archived)

there is another film with Friday in it, you know

( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 7:47, archived)

Next Friday? The sequel?
www.imdb.com/title/tt0195945/
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 9:23, archived)

that films got a pooh writer

( broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 9:25, archived)

"A streetwise man flees South Central Los Angeles, heading to the suburbs and his lottery-winner uncle and cousin, to avoid a neighborhood thug with a grudge who has just escaped from prison. Written by A. A. Milne."
( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 9:38, archived)

like Robinson Crusoe's m8, I mean

( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 7:46, archived)

oh, like Maaaaaaaan Friday

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 7:50, archived)

no I don't
Chris Tucker is an annoying prick
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 7:59, archived)

this is true
he was good in 'The Fifth Element', because his character was an annoying prick
( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 8:27, archived)

He certainly did what was asked of him, even though his performance was so OTT that it completely derailed the film.
Luc Besson should have parachuted him into Valerian to do the same thing, though, he might have improved that incoherent mess.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 8:32, archived)

wow there are lots of things to do with Friday
which one is it?!?!
( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 7:48, archived)

morning
Yes, it really is eh
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 7:49, archived)

it was only a matter of time

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 7:50, archived)

It is indeed
Time to go shopping
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 8:28, archived)

what's on the shopping list?

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 8:30, archived)

Food, mostly

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 12:21, archived)

Friday?

*checks calendar*

Friday.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 8:33, archived)

gotta get down

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 9:16, archived)

lovely, early finish for me, nip up to the bank, then get on the sauce in earnest

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 4 Jun 2021, 8:51, archived)

nice one

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 9:03, archived)

got my jab sunday, can't wait

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 4 Jun 2021, 9:23, archived)

it's a great feeling when it's done
got my second on the 17th
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 9:53, archived)

some cans down the park?

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 4 Jun 2021, 9:03, archived)

i might have a road beer while i walk down to the pub

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 4 Jun 2021, 9:23, archived)

drinking in the street? are you working class?

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 4 Jun 2021, 9:45, archived)

that's the way

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 9:12, archived)

good morning, yes, so it is

( broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 9:24, archived)

Aye
have an annoying meeting at 1030 that I'd rather just didn't but it needs to happen.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 9:25, archived)

first stage disciplinary following your disappointing annual review?

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 4 Jun 2021, 9:34, archived)

nu

Nop. Passed that with flying colours.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 9:45, archived)

make sure you leave the cat filter on

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 9:35, archived)

I'd LOVE to know how to turn myself into a potato
www.insider.com/boss-turns-on-the-potato-filter-during-virtual-work-meeting-2020-4
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 9:46, archived)

excellent

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 9:47, archived)

snapcamera.snapchat.com/download/
( broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 9:56, archived)

The committee chair's pulled a sickie now
even he doesn't want to go. Fucking twats.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 4 Jun 2021, 9:56, archived)

I am too hot to lift several heavy boxes.
What are you too hot for? You can't say Hitler or TV.
( brb welcome to my reed organ repair blog, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 15:36, archived)

Hitler

( broadsword now that's fresh, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 15:48, archived)

Oh, my mistake.

( brb welcome to my reed organ repair blog, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 19:00, archived)

Haha I’m too hot for my shirt, you know, like the song by Right Up Fred

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 15:53, archived)

“right”: UK = all the way; US = immediately.

Also, “momentarily”: UK = for a very short time; US = very soon. As in, “the plane will be taking off momentarily.”
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 15:55, archived)

man up, you pussy
hernias and slipped discs are so manly
( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 16:01, archived)

I think I have a herniated disc or something, so I'm waaaaay ahead of you.
I'm also far too manly to go to the doctor about it.
( brb welcome to my reed organ repair blog, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 18:59, archived)

waaaay ahead of you a plonker
( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 19:16, archived)

Trotting

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 16:12, archived)

i can't believe you posted on here while i was in your house

( manolith hooray for me, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 22:01, archived)

😮

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 22:30, archived)

But if I was here, and you were there....
uh oh
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 22:41, archived)

Mystery Mano

(dribble, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 22:45, archived)

ym

( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 16:15, archived)

EG Daily

(dribble, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 16:30, archived)

EG Daily, SHT Monthly

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 17:08, archived)

EG Cup

(dribble, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 21:54, archived)

My bra

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 19:50, archived)

lunchy-wunchy nommy-nomz thread

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 3 Jun 2021, 12:04, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/8303161
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 12:11, archived)

kale
prick
(dribble, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 12:18, archived)

haha, leather trenchcoat and knives!!!!!

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 3 Jun 2021, 12:19, archived)

get off my webcam pls

(dribble, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 12:35, archived)

GO FUCK YOURSELF!!!!!

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 3 Jun 2021, 12:39, archived)

Ah, just the chap.
Tell me, how *do* I play Skribl?
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 12:23, archived)

dunno m8 lol

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 3 Jun 2021, 13:33, archived)

You've got to turn it on
and then you've got to put it out
(dribble, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 13:48, archived)

it's like Scrabble except you have to spell everything wrongly

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 14:02, archived)

evrything

(dribble, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 14:03, archived)

you have to spell everything wrongly South African
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 14:08, archived)

bliksem!

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 14:19, archived)

Today I am mostly eating sunflower seeds

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 14:13, archived)

dibs on the corpse

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 15:03, archived)

<s> nah

(dribble, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 15:37, archived)

DIBS ON THE NAH? DIBS ON THE FUCKING NAH? WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO FUCKING MEAN, YOU WANKER?

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 3 Jun 2021, 15:53, archived)

oh do pipe down, there's a dear

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 16:26, archived)

But he makes the forum so much more vibrant and interesting
Logs out
( mongychops, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 16:40, archived)

logs lol

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 3 Jun 2021, 16:47, archived)

morning

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 7:23, archived)

Looks to be that summer is over.
Lucky you managed to get the day off for a bit of it.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 3 Jun 2021, 7:48, archived)

still warm and sunny here, 25 degrees forecast

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 8:39, archived)

Morning
About to start raining here
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 7:50, archived)

morning

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 8:40, archived)

U r a morning

( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 8:01, archived)

^morning, online

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 8:40, archived)

morned, and will morn again

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 8:16, archived)

morn free, as free as the wind blows


lol wind
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 8:40, archived)

lol

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 8:41, archived)

Bit of a shitty one
had a painful call with the builders last night. Due to prices of building materials going up our project is likely to rise in cost by 10% at least so that's an extra £4k we have to find down the back of the sofa.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 8:34, archived)

ild mm

/obvious
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 8:36, archived)

Thanks

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 8:41, archived)

everything has gone up in my industry
raw materials, packaging, worst of all is shipping containers out of the far east - they're four times what they were a year or so back, and keep rising. Not sure why
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 8:42, archived)

industry bum
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 8:43, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/8303315
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 8:45, archived)

Supply chain bottle-neck identified

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 15:22, archived)

my neighbour works in transport journalism - apparently all the containers are in the wrong places. Sounds daft but so many delivered have been made without a return that there's a global shortage of containers. Shows how finely-balanced the just-in-time logistics system is.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 8:46, archived)

that tallies with what I've been told

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 8:50, archived)

Thanks, EVER GIVEN

(dribble, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 9:20, archived)

Sciatica Blues

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 3 Jun 2021, 9:24, archived)

what about all those lorries travelling empty because of Brexit?

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 9:22, archived)

Pfft, fake news

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 9:34, archived)

Now that we don't have to fulfil our quota of frozen illegal immigrants

(dribble, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 10:13, archived)

relevant
www.eadt.co.uk/news/ppe-moved-to-suffolk-airfields-6547830
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 11:41, archived)

moroning

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 8:40, archived)

GOOD MORNING

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 8:42, archived)

I seem to be obsessed with bum strikethroughs this morning,
I would like to take this opportunity to apologise to the entire class.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 8:44, archived)

cl
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 8:45, archived)

standard
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 8:47, archived)

^

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 12:11, archived)

Oh dear :(

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 15:23, archived)

On the very much plus side
my brother in law moved out last night. He's been living with us since October so it's great to have the place back to ourselves... the week before building work begins for three months. Oh well.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 8:48, archived)

huzz...oh

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 8:55, archived)

alright, weather a bit cooler here 2day but no rain yet lol

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 3 Jun 2021, 8:58, archived)

it's fackin boiling here

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 9:12, archived)

it's a little cloudy here in salubrious North Yorkshire

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 3 Jun 2021, 9:13, archived)

morning alright thursday yo

( broadsword now that's fresh, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 10:23, archived)

you're god damn right, bs!

( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 10:38, archived)

YES bruv

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 10:43, archived)

Just found out that old friend has died
his mental health has been on a downward spiral for years, last time I saw him about 5 years ago he was a shadow of the person I'd known. He'd pulled a couple of his own teeth out because "that's how they listen to you", paranoid, delusional, the whole nine yards. I think he checked out a LONG time ago, but it's still sad.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 10:53, archived)

lol

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 3 Jun 2021, 10:53, archived)

ah, shit
mental health is such a delicate thing, it's a wonder any of us is sane at all
( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 11:18, archived)

Papa loves mambo.
(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Wed 2 Jun 2021, 21:23, archived)

{Citation needed}

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 2 Jun 2021, 21:58, archived)

papa don’t preach

(sticklebrlcks link in bio ❤️🌟❤️, Wed 2 Jun 2021, 22:57, archived)

charlie don’t surf

(sticklebrlcks link in bio ❤️🌟❤️, Wed 2 Jun 2021, 22:57, archived)

charlie bit my finger

(sticklebrlcks link in bio ❤️🌟❤️, Wed 2 Jun 2021, 22:57, archived)

a finger of fudge is just enough

(sticklebrlcks link in bio ❤️🌟❤️, Wed 2 Jun 2021, 22:58, archived)

go fuck yourself

(sticklebrlcks link in bio ❤️🌟❤️, Wed 2 Jun 2021, 22:58, archived)

Ooonly the cruuumbliest, flaaakiest fiiiinger!
(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Wed 2 Jun 2021, 23:01, archived)

This is oddly familiar

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 1:14, archived)

ra-ther

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 7:23, archived)

Papa Austin loves The Great Peso

( brb welcome to my reed organ repair blog, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 13:53, archived)

Just did a tiny fart that would shame the chemical warfare labs at Porton Down
How's your afternoon?
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 2 Jun 2021, 14:34, archived)

the sun burnt my neck and my arm. i didn't like it.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 2 Jun 2021, 14:55, archived)

made paraphenylenediamine 0.1% in white soft paraffin for a patch test this morning
but the technician who typed up the extemps schedule today wrote it as "parapenylendiamine".

lol penylend
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Wed 2 Jun 2021, 14:56, archived)

a  phenylenediamine 0.1%  white soft paraffin my pants
( broadsword now that's fresh, Wed 2 Jun 2021, 15:03, archived)

If Drugs Where People

(dribble, Wed 2 Jun 2021, 16:09, archived)

Yeah, I can't quite work up the will to reply to that.
I'm looking forward to his next post on /board, my money's on either THE JEWS or the Knights Templar.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Wed 2 Jun 2021, 16:22, archived)

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON PEOPLE *smashes brains with severed human limb*

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 2 Jun 2021, 19:29, archived)

never trust a fart

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 2 Jun 2021, 15:04, archived)

Good advice

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 2 Jun 2021, 15:23, archived)

Guffed one fix

(dribble, Wed 2 Jun 2021, 16:03, archived)

Jesus guffed on my hot rod

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 2 Jun 2021, 16:04, archived)

ibhd,tdob

(dribble, Wed 2 Jun 2021, 16:09, archived)

Fart 69: the way to succeed and the way to drop beefy eggoes

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 2 Jun 2021, 16:35, archived)

Every Day Is Smelloween

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Wed 2 Jun 2021, 18:29, archived)

Churning insides

(dribble, Wed 2 Jun 2021, 18:56, archived)

I went to a neighbour's funeral
so atleast I went outside
( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Wed 2 Jun 2021, 15:05, archived)

been pub, having a sit down pants coffee now, more later

( broadsword now that's fresh, Wed 2 Jun 2021, 15:06, archived)

i have had to come to my parents' house to do some laudry
which means, sadly, having to interact with my utter cuntspackle of a brother, who is in full rant mode over flies, brexit, vaccines and the fact that iceland have changed the sticks in their cherry tornado lolly ices from wood to plastic. i hope one of us is adopted.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 2 Jun 2021, 15:06, archived)

That is a most excellent rant

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 2 Jun 2021, 15:22, archived)

he's gone full tinfoil

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 2 Jun 2021, 15:25, archived)

I'm with him on the lolly sticks

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 2 Jun 2021, 16:03, archived)

the lolly sticks thing may well be his fault
his youngest got fragments of wooden lolly stick in one of those lollies a few years ago and he tried to sue, but couldn't be bothered to follow up on it. it may still have been enough to change company policy on the sticks
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 2 Jun 2021, 16:16, archived)

Probably go over to paper if the loony left tree huggers have their way

(dribble, Wed 2 Jun 2021, 16:45, archived)

Just before being banned completely, because sugar

(dribble, Wed 2 Jun 2021, 16:46, archived)

Ruining amstrad wasn't enough

(dribble, Wed 2 Jun 2021, 16:47, archived)

i hope not
they're seriously nice, better than the lemon and lime ones
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 2 Jun 2021, 16:53, archived)

Everything going on in the world and your adult brother is whining about ice lollies

(dribble, Wed 2 Jun 2021, 17:41, archived)

he's a bit special
and by special, i mean fucking spoilt and useless, totally self-centred and delusional beyond words
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 2 Jun 2021, 17:58, archived)

Which one of you is adopted, do you think?
Without knowing your parents, it's difficult to assess. I'm sure they're great, mind, but is he a distillation of their worst traits or completely different?
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Wed 2 Jun 2021, 18:36, archived)

Very different
I look like my mother and I have my dad's eyes
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Thu 3 Jun 2021, 6:50, archived)