urgh, stayed up way too late drank'n whiskey Just nailed down a copy of this New Orleans banger, good start to the day
www.youtube.com/watch?v=_f-d_vINTq4
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Sat 31 Jul 2021, 10:11,
archived)
It won't play very well if you nail it down (
Smash Monkey 2 Prozac is apparently good for menopause, Sat 31 Jul 2021, 10:46,
archived)
someone said wood so I came as fast as I could(
Woodkovsky โน๏ธโ๐ปโ๐ฝโ๐ฃโ๐ฉโ๐งปโ๐, Sat 31 Jul 2021, 11:46,
archived)
what's for teaHoney/sriracha/soy glazed salmon, broccoli with oyster sauce and red chili, and egg fried rice here. Apparently in China egg fried rice is served as its own course and never as a side but fuck 'em, yeah? Trying to tell me what to do, cunts.
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Fri 30 Jul 2021, 17:05,
archived)
in my last job, one of my colleagues was (lol he probaly still is) mixed heritageWhite dad, mum from Hong Kong.
In a team meeting once our Head Of was talking about the control environment and how it was our job 'to find the chinks'.
IT WAS PRETTY LOL, ACTUALLY, OK???
(, Fri 30 Jul 2021, 17:23, archived)
dunnoI've got some new garlic pickle though and that on a fried egg sandwich is the food of the gods
(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Fri 30 Jul 2021, 17:31,
archived)
going to make Sichuan chili oil soon, even scaling down the recipe I'm going to end up with shitloads so I hope I don't cock it up(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Fri 30 Jul 2021, 17:52,
archived)
pickle and fried egg? Sounds disgusting.(
Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Fri 30 Jul 2021, 18:01,
archived)
Have you tried the Dave Lister?(
Smash Monkey 2 Prozac is apparently good for menopause, Fri 30 Jul 2021, 18:19,
archived)
nothat triple-decker nonsense is too much hassle
(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Fri 30 Jul 2021, 18:21,
archived)
I must admit, I have tried it It's surprisingly tasty but difficult to eat
(
Smash Monkey 2 Prozac is apparently good for menopause, Fri 30 Jul 2021, 19:06,
archived)
If I honestly kept a food diary on here I think you would all be appalled, so I don't (
mongychops, Fri 30 Jul 2021, 17:46,
archived)
my wife had a beef and onion pie for lunch - or as she calls them, 'a rat coffin'(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Fri 30 Jul 2021, 17:49,
archived)
he is a clot round these parts(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Fri 30 Jul 2021, 18:13,
archived)
Today for lunch I had a gold bar and a few handfuls of the 3kg bag of candy sticks I impulse bought off amazon.Washed down with a can of relentless energy drink.
Also got through half a tin of snus although don't think that really counts as food.
(, Fri 30 Jul 2021, 21:41, archived)
Homemade chilli done in the slow cooker.Slow cooked for 4 hours.
(
Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Fri 30 Jul 2021, 18:00,
archived)
Steak sandwich, probably (
Smash Monkey 2 Prozac is apparently good for menopause, Fri 30 Jul 2021, 18:20,
archived)
My go-to salmon recipe involves a glaze of dark soy, balsamic vinegar, Worcestershire sauce and sugar.Well good, it is. Works well with tuna, too.
(
Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Fri 30 Jul 2021, 18:58,
archived)
Only with another consenting adult, I hope.(
Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sat 31 Jul 2021, 8:35,
archived)
that's the last time I'm going to my local Italian, they got several basic things wrongIn fact, they made a fusilli mistakes.
(, Fri 30 Jul 2021, 23:14, archived)
I wonder if they'll ever complete season 2 of PEN15(
djrich - Live from Houghton Regis too rass, Fri 30 Jul 2021, 14:33,
archived)
morning guy's!Friday woo, payday yeah, let's get dibnah all up in this muthafauckah
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Fri 30 Jul 2021, 8:41,
archived)
that was the most depressing thing I think I've ever readthat and the pick'n'mix 'scam'
human life at its bleakest
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Fri 30 Jul 2021, 8:44,
archived)
and now AA is riding high in life on the success of his 'Itheberg' joke on QOTW!Well, I say 'his', it clearly isn't but YKWIM.
(, Fri 30 Jul 2021, 9:24, archived)
yeah it's a good 35+ years since I first heard that one(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Fri 30 Jul 2021, 9:52,
archived)
Which popular reggae singer joke has already been told, many times over?Pato Bindun!!!
(, Fri 30 Jul 2021, 10:11, archived)
morning and happy International Friendship Day(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Fri 30 Jul 2021, 8:44,
archived)
this is getting seriously Disney(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Fri 30 Jul 2021, 9:03,
archived)
wishing you all the best and more(
Woodkovsky โน๏ธโ๐ปโ๐ฝโ๐ฃโ๐ฉโ๐งปโ๐, Fri 30 Jul 2021, 9:51,
archived)
when only the more besterer bestest is good enough(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Fri 30 Jul 2021, 10:07,
archived)
Yeah, i got weighed in yesterday. Was going to smash it tonight but I'm working tomorrow (
mongychops, Fri 30 Jul 2021, 9:06,
archived)
going to try not to go mad on the weekendlet's see how successful a plan this turns out to be
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Fri 30 Jul 2021, 9:13,
archived)
I'm meant to be going to a party tomorrow Very much doubt it'll happen, though. My mate set it up and she's not exactly reliable
(
Smash Monkey 2 Prozac is apparently good for menopause, Fri 30 Jul 2021, 11:47,
archived)
I can't remember the last time I went to a proper partyI don't count the garden party for my mother's 70th as one...
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Fri 30 Jul 2021, 11:57,
archived)
i have a feeling the guest list won't consist of anyone but me, her, her boyfriend and his best friend(
Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 30 Jul 2021, 15:02,
archived)
disappointing that sticksy's job didn't work out, he could have helped out with this crossword clue I'm stuck on28 down, 'overworked postman'.
(, Fri 30 Jul 2021, 11:03, archived)
trying to set up a joke here and failing due to lack of interest, unlucky(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Fri 30 Jul 2021, 11:16,
archived)
I was talking to my dad yesterday about how much of a psycho she is(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Fri 30 Jul 2021, 12:27,
archived)
pulling up ladders wherever she can, she's a proper sociopathWeird mismatch of gorgeous face and barrel body.
(, Fri 30 Jul 2021, 12:37, archived)
smart move getting a brown person to be the face of anti-foreigner policies(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Fri 30 Jul 2021, 12:41,
archived)
postie job didn't work outrecruited to work 30hours per week working 5 days in 7.
1st day virtual training watching videos, like the classic
'Look there are blacks spastics and queers work here, we're definitely a tolerant workplace guv'
and 'wow so many robots, but we don't expect you to be one lol, look this postie does rapping on insta'
then first week on site
"here's a 9+ hour day and you're in for 6 days. You'll probably get 2 days off next week but we don't know when"
piss taking cunts
(, Thu 29 Jul 2021, 20:30, archived)
can you financially continue to support all of your bad habits?(
Woodkovsky โน๏ธโ๐ปโ๐ฝโ๐ฃโ๐ฉโ๐งปโ๐, Thu 29 Jul 2021, 21:09,
archived)
Ah fuck that's shit m8 Sorry to hear it
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Thu 29 Jul 2021, 21:31,
archived)
That's shit , we had a bloke start the other Monday. Did his h s training, turned up Tuesday. Got a bacs payment of 400 quid , never seen again. Plod went round to get the van and the laptop back. The 400 quid is a civil matter as hes claimed harassment (
mongychops, Thu 29 Jul 2021, 21:53,
archived)
Mobile engineer, get a float for parking and buying bits , fucking lol. When I retire again I'm smashing it (
mongychops, Thu 29 Jul 2021, 22:42,
archived)
You did harass him pretty badly tho, tbf.(
Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Fri 30 Jul 2021, 7:42,
archived)
That's a bag of dicks and no mistake (
Smash Monkey 2 Prozac is apparently good for menopause, Thu 29 Jul 2021, 22:38,
archived)
ayedunno if it's just this sorting office or business wide, but I guess it doesn't matter now
(, Thu 29 Jul 2021, 22:53, archived)
Actual lol at “look this postie does rapping on insta“(
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Fri 30 Jul 2021, 2:44,
archived)
Yo I’m a postie, here on insta, I once delivered letters, to the prime minsta(
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Fri 30 Jul 2021, 2:46,
archived)
I'm the host with the most, delivering your post from coast to coast, I'm white as a ghostI like sunday roast
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Fri 30 Jul 2021, 8:43,
archived)
It’s the Latin word for pænüs(
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Fri 30 Jul 2021, 2:40,
archived)
wait. please. don't go.(
Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 29 Jul 2021, 15:57,
archived)
Or a woman's willy, you vile transphobe!(
Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Thu 29 Jul 2021, 18:34,
archived)
oh man classic, up there with 'Kwik Fit fitter' and Kellogs fruit and fibre with Grant Mitchellgreat days, we shan't see their like again
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Thu 29 Jul 2021, 16:27,
archived)
a friend of a friend made those ads, he reckons it was the best job ever(, Thu 29 Jul 2021, 16:44, archived)
you misheard him m8, he said he reckons you're the biggest knob ever(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Thu 29 Jul 2021, 16:50,
archived)
no queef, I have never met this dude, he is a friend of my booze expert chum(, Thu 29 Jul 2021, 16:53, archived)
I've never met you and I reckon you're the biggest knob everQuod erat demonstrandum m8
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Thu 29 Jul 2021, 16:55,
archived)
He was very hard work that boy, but he gave me a fantastic book oncewww.worldofbooks.com/en-gb/books/nick-tosches/unsung-heroes-of-rock-n-roll/9780436532030
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Thu 29 Jul 2021, 17:11,
archived)
so does your favourite gay jazz mag(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Thu 29 Jul 2021, 17:15,
archived)
Guys, just fuck and get it over with(
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Thu 29 Jul 2021, 17:59,
archived)
ah yes, the best in many years for sure(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Thu 29 Jul 2021, 16:44,
archived)
in all seriousness, cheers for the heads up, I got a nice snapback from them for only 20 bucks the other week(, Thu 29 Jul 2021, 12:33, archived)
just had a look at their site, why the fuck have they got so many different bumbags? No wonder they can sell them full priceCouple of nice bits there though, but I can't justify buying any of them. I like the sunglasses
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Thu 29 Jul 2021, 12:43,
archived)
Oh I never went inside, I just walked by and saw a poster , not for me (
mongychops, Thu 29 Jul 2021, 12:50,
archived)
Not really on my walk about , no juicers down there I like (
mongychops, Thu 29 Jul 2021, 13:49,
archived)
hello there friendo(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 29 Jul 2021, 12:45,
archived)
So it is I am outside. It is overrated.
(
Smash Monkey 2 Prozac is apparently good for menopause, Thu 29 Jul 2021, 13:15,
archived)
I really overdid it last night and was woken up this morning by our neighbour's cat throwing up on my bedroom floorgreat start to the day
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Thu 29 Jul 2021, 9:33,
archived)
my wife lets it stay overI do not approve but she loved the company when she came out of hospital and I was working 7 days a week at the time, now it thinks it lives here. She feeds it and everything. It's really not cool. She did at least go round the neigbourhood knocking on doors asking whose it is, but no-one could tell her.
Sometimes it comes round smelling of curry lol
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Thu 29 Jul 2021, 9:45,
archived)
actually I'd like the advice of my forum pals about thisin a couple of weeks we're going to be away for a few days, wtf should we do about this fucking cat? It's not like there's a catflap so we can't just leave a big pile of food. It's not our cat but it fucking thinks it is.
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Thu 29 Jul 2021, 10:17,
archived)
It'll find another open window, and eat elsewhere, I'd imagineCats tend to be pretty resourceful
(
Two Hats ๐ฉ๐ฉ, Thu 29 Jul 2021, 10:20,
archived)
^ thisit'll find someone else to mooch off for a couple of days
(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Thu 29 Jul 2021, 10:23,
archived)
that makes me feel less bad, cheers pal(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Thu 29 Jul 2021, 10:27,
archived)
Or you could just take it on holiday with youLike a fucken weirdo
(
Two Hats ๐ฉ๐ฉ, Thu 29 Jul 2021, 10:42,
archived)
Katsu curry?(
Smash Monkey 2 Prozac is apparently good for menopause, Thu 29 Jul 2021, 10:22,
archived)
Eww, I've trodden in cat vom numerous times, once with no socks on and I puked (
mongychops, Thu 29 Jul 2021, 9:35,
archived)
Be well lol if your puke triggered the cat to start puking again, which made you puke some more, and so on ad nauseam, so to speak.
(
Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Thu 29 Jul 2021, 15:57,
archived)
Good morningI've got to give a talk to a bunch of post-graduates about my job today, stretching "dunno lol, I've been here 18 months and I'm still just making it up as I go along" to half an hour should be fun.
(, Thu 29 Jul 2021, 9:41, archived)
sounds like a metaphor for what you've already been doing(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Thu 29 Jul 2021, 9:43,
archived)
(, Thu 29 Jul 2021, 9:48, archived)
just make up a load of ridiculous lies for your own amusement(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Thu 29 Jul 2021, 9:47,
archived)
Good morning!I can go out today! Also, I now have my meds, so I can have a coffee. Doesn't take much to make me happy
(
Smash Monkey 2 Prozac is apparently good for menopause, Thu 29 Jul 2021, 9:46,
archived)
if the last few years have taught me anything it's to remember to appreciate the small stuffPS morning
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Thu 29 Jul 2021, 9:49,
archived)
Rule 32: enjoy the little things (
Smash Monkey 2 Prozac is apparently good for menopause, Thu 29 Jul 2021, 10:23,
archived)
Big truck next doorLooks like the fella might finally be moving out. He sold the place fucking months ago
(
Two Hats ๐ฉ๐ฉ, Thu 29 Jul 2021, 10:04,
archived)
the good news is I'll be moving in next weekWould you mind signing for my new bagpipes if they try to deliver them before I move in? Thanks m8
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Thu 29 Jul 2021, 10:15,
archived)
don't worry m8, I sleep during the daytime so I'll only be making a noise at night(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Thu 29 Jul 2021, 10:19,
archived)
Oh, I'm quite the night owl myself hahahaBut you know..."er indoors" haha...so if you could keep it down a little bit, that would be super
(
Two Hats ๐ฉ๐ฉ, Thu 29 Jul 2021, 10:36,
archived)
I can see we're going to get on like a house on fire!(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Thu 29 Jul 2021, 10:43,
archived)
old-school bovver tactics back in fashion
(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Thu 29 Jul 2021, 10:04,
archived)
Yeah the drummer from Slipknot died as well, must be a new Drummer variant going around. (
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Thu 29 Jul 2021, 0:17,
archived)
Joey JordisoffI can't be arsed doing this for /board, someone else can have the auto-FP if they want.
(, Thu 29 Jul 2021, 7:18, archived)
Yeah but he stood near the drummer didn’t he?(
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Thu 29 Jul 2021, 14:46,
archived)
:( yeah, woke up to that onewhat a bummer
(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Thu 29 Jul 2021, 7:33,
archived)
we don't call them that nowadays m8it's 'differently sexualled'
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Thu 29 Jul 2021, 8:01,
archived)
your nan made me do a bit of sex fluid the other daymorning m8
(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Thu 29 Jul 2021, 8:04,
archived)
My phone was indoors, what a day. I hope this post finds you well? (
mongychops, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 20:06,
archived)
losing a phone is horrendous, good newsaok here ta, apart from a ludicrous argument with my wife about This Is England
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 21:55,
archived)
Now, being somewhat of a professional hater-of-popular-things, I'm guessing you're not so keen on it?(
Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Wed 28 Jul 2021, 22:09,
archived)
Ricky Queefardo is keen of meat shops(
Woodkovsky โน๏ธโ๐ปโ๐ฝโ๐ฃโ๐ฉโ๐งปโ๐, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 22:22,
archived)
I didn't mind it actually, for the most part because it's set in 1983 and the set & costume design was spot onBit odd to find a miserable film about northern racist skinheads nostalgic but hey ho
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Thu 29 Jul 2021, 7:56,
archived)
I watched it. Seemed like some dort of guy Ritchie stuff. Meh (
mongychops, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 22:32,
archived)
Seems like the kind of chav shit that would have me punting a shoe through the telly So I won't watch it
(
Smash Monkey 2 Prozac is apparently good for menopause, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 22:40,
archived)
one of my ex-employees is in it briefly, her husband plays one of the main charactersit's really fucking grim
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Thu 29 Jul 2021, 7:58,
archived)
I can go one tenuous step further - I got chatting to a bloke in Leeds who is the best friend of the actor that plays Milky.BEAT. THAT.
(, Thu 29 Jul 2021, 9:33, archived)
Well I’m pretty sure you do live in England Queef, I hope you didn’t back down and say something like, “well perhaps this is France”. (
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Thu 29 Jul 2021, 0:11,
archived)
I went all in on it being BelgiumBoy was I wrong :(
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Thu 29 Jul 2021, 7:57,
archived)
Your 'wife' wouldn't happen to be a sockWith a pair of googly eyes sewed on. Would she?
Only I can imagine you being the sort of person who would have an argument with their wank-sock.
(
Lord Gnome, Thu 29 Jul 2021, 4:49,
archived)
yes, I'm married to a sockgot some funny looks at the registry office but I don't care, we're in love, darn it
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Thu 29 Jul 2021, 7:59,
archived)
I may have found a new hair dye to replace my discontinued one It's not expensive, it's premixed, it's easy to apply and it looks like it's putting blue highlights and lowlights in at the same time, so yeah, I'm having a great night
(
Smash Monkey 2 Prozac is apparently good for menopause, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 22:38,
archived)
I'm also drinking and watching shit films So I'm good
(
Smash Monkey 2 Prozac is apparently good for menopause, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 23:15,
archived)
Just booked train tickets for me, wife and nipper to visit my dad in Oxford in Augustamazingly by booking ahead for a specific departure and with a railcard it only cost ยฃ20 for all 3 of us, can't believe it
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 12:40,
archived)
are these actual English trains you've bookedand do you have to leave at 05:21 on a Wednesday?
(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 12:42,
archived)
8:42am on a Saturday from Maylebone Station which is about 50mins from homenot too awful
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 12:49,
archived)
you're right mate, slashtalk doesn't get any better than train ticket advance booking chat!(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 12:46, archived)
maybe you can steer the conversation towards tax and pensions to really get things rockingalso: not your mate
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 12:50,
archived)
I'm afraid not, 'Arseboon Dilbaro'(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 13:15,
archived)
whatever you do, don't accidentally cut too deep and hit an arteryor do, I'm not the police.
(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 18:40, archived)
I'm sure everyone is dying to get an update on the status of my mortgage application.(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 14:16, archived)
what lender is it in with?Property super expensive but right now but it's never been easier to obtain a mortgage, how crazy is that???????????
(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 14:18, archived)
Santander I think. Not really sure, my wife sorts all of that stuff out.(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 14:37, archived)
I don't really know what their service is like, I hold mortgage advice qualifications but haven't worked in that area for nearly 10 years!!!!!!(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 14:45, archived)
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 18:02,
archived)
did you bottle it with that fucked house?(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 14:29,
archived)
Not yet, stringing them along whilst we wait to see if the mother in law is going to give us money to buy a better one.I don't think she likes the idea of having to live with us while the house is being fixed any more than we do.
(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 14:37, archived)
hahah make sure you are *extra* annoying for a while to really put the wind up herI'm sure you can manage that
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 15:19,
archived)
Yes that is the plan.Plus frequently reminding her that she can't take it with her and we'll be the ones choosing her nursing home.
(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 20:00, archived)
Dammit, I totally forgot to update slashtalk about the trials and tribulations of our mortgage renewal six months ago.I guess that ship has sailed now.
(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 18:51, archived)
afternoon Mr Qu’eefProper thunderstorm and wazzing it down here at the moment, supposed to be running later..
(
Cheers Cheers, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 13:10,
archived)
wazzing it here also, I'll have to brave it at some point as I need to go shopping for chickentrying a Sri Lankan curry later
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 13:18,
archived)
Nice. I’m attempting a pizza from scratch, any tips for a decent thin crust?#pizzachat
(
Cheers Cheers, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 13:20,
archived)
I've had good success with them by using a non stick pizza tray like this one:www.procook.co.uk/product/procook-non-stick-pizza-pan-36-5cm-diameter1
You can push the dough out to the edges using your fingertips, thus creating a reasonable cornicione (or 'edge' lol) and making it both perfectly round and thin. If you overstretch it and tear a hole in the base you can just patch it up. I dust the base with coarse semolina both sides (gives a lovely texture and crunch) and bake it with no toppings with the oven on top whack for a couple of minutes before adding the sauce and toppings. This firms up the base making topping it easier and helps it all to be finished cooking at the same time.
Unless you're using low moisture mozzarella (like pizza shops do), you'll want to drain it for a while and blot with kitchen towel before adding or it's too milky. I grate Parmesan over the tomato sauce before adding any other toppings. I've also found that a few fennel seeds are a great addition, and use pitted Kalamata olives rather than those cheap ones that taste of fuck all.
Finally, I always use tinned San Marzano tomatoes to make the sauce, they have very few seeds and aren't watery so don't need much reducing to get to a nice thickness. They are expensive compared to cheap supermarket tomatoes but worth it. Waitrose own brand are the cheapest I've found.
Much of this would get me arrested in Italy but without a 500 degree oven you can't make a Neapolitan pizza so these tweaks have all helped me to make something which I'm happy enough with to serve to guests.
I will be signing copies of my book 'My Life As An Insufferable Food Ponce' in the lobby later.
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 13:47,
archived)
These days, if you use the QR pizza-making method in Italy you get arrested and thrown in jail.(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 13:49, archived)
I knew I was asking the right person :DNo Waitrose near me but loads of farm shops so Iโm sure Iโll be able to find something.
Cheers (genuinely)
(
Cheers Cheers, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 14:00,
archived)
one more tip: you need less sauce than you think you do, too much and your pizza will be a fucked, soggy messsame goes for toppings: restraint is key
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 14:03,
archived)
might try that fennel seed trick, sounds good(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 14:17,
archived)
Thought I'd mentionI've been using the 24 hour fridge prove method, and it saves so much time on the day. Ok, I've said my piece
(
Two Hats ๐ฉ๐ฉ, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 14:35,
archived)
I've done the sameGetting one of these has proved (lol) a godsend also:
www.ebay.com/itm/Vogue-Polycarbonate-Square-Food-Storage-Container-3-5Lt-6Pt-With-Free-Lid-/274575207247
I always struggled to work out if the dough's doubled in size or not - not any more, with this handy tub!!
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 15:11,
archived)
Ah niceI just use a mixing bowl and hope for the best, but this is much better
(
Two Hats ๐ฉ๐ฉ, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 15:39,
archived)
The semolina works a treat And tesco do a decent pizza mozzarella that isn't in liquid
(
Smash Monkey 2 Prozac is apparently good for menopause, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 15:42,
archived)
according to the Associazione Verace Pizza Napoletana (basically the fucken pizza Nazis):'The cooking must be done exclusively in a wood-fired oven, which has reached a temperature between 430-480C'
If it ain't, you're fake news
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 16:55,
archived)
Fucking hell, I thought you'd made a hilarious F/C mix-up, but no.(
Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Wed 28 Jul 2021, 17:30,
archived)
nope, in a proper oven a Napoli style pizza cooks in around 60 secondsmental innit
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 17:43,
archived)
Reminds me of a film I saw about people who cook small sweet baked items very quickly at a hot temperature.Scone In 60 Seconds, it was called.
(
Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Wed 28 Jul 2021, 22:09,
archived)
Thunder here is incredibly loud And it's raining sideways. Watching Hannibal and looking forward to tomorrow
(
Smash Monkey 2 Prozac is apparently good for menopause, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 13:18,
archived)
the series? I thought Mads Mikkelsen was pretty good in that. Shame it got axed eh.(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 13:26, archived)
No, the film Watched silence of the lambs before
(
Smash Monkey 2 Prozac is apparently good for menopause, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 13:46,
archived)
ah. the only decent one of that lot is Silence of the Lambs.and the original Manhunter even if it's a different Hannibal Lecktor.
(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 13:47, archived)
Brian Cox was better in that role than Anthony Hopkins was./opinion on the internet
(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 18:46, archived)
I thought the ending to that was a bit unbelievableeven though I can understand why they didn't want to go with the ending in the book
(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 14:21,
archived)
was that the one where Ray Liotta was fed pieces of his own brain?(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 14:24, archived)
soz, I meant to say, is that the one where UNNAMED ACTOR PLAYING UNSPECIFIED ROLE was fed pieces of his own brain?(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 14:30, archived)
The book ending was very odd The whole thing with her dad's skeleton was bizarre
(
Smash Monkey 2 Prozac is apparently good for menopause, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 15:00,
archived)
The best 'film ending is superior to the book' to my mind is The 39 Steps, the Robert Powell versionSo much more exciting than the book which has a complete anticlimax ending, the whole Big Ben scene in the film is way better. The whole film is superb, actually, might have to break out the old DVD.
I think John Buchan may also have been a colossal racist, but there we go
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 15:16,
archived)
I READ IT WHEN I WAS FOUR MONTHS OLD(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 15:17,
archived)
I just gave my kid a copy of Gravity's Rainbow to memorise or I'll show him the back of my hand!(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 15:20, archived)
Ooh Geoffrey, Zippy's building weapons of mass destruction!lol
(
Two Hats ๐ฉ๐ฉ, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 15:45,
archived)
I didn't read jaws until about 10 years after I saw the film The book ending was shite
(
Smash Monkey 2 Prozac is apparently good for menopause, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 15:28,
archived)
Everything else in the original post checks out(
Two Hats ๐ฉ๐ฉ, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 15:41,
archived)
don't blame me, blame societal norms(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 9:13,
archived)
I am blaming you mate, it's not 'societal norms' that threadstomped me, IT WAS YOU.(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 9:24, archived)
well, I mean, you can blame me if you likeit's not as if I gave a toss
(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 9:27,
archived)
rather witty(
Woodkovsky โน๏ธโ๐ปโ๐ฝโ๐ฃโ๐ฉโ๐งปโ๐, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 10:00,
archived)
thanksI'm a bit sluggish this morning
(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 10:03,
archived)
I bet queef is rocking his people=shit hoodie as a mark of respect today(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 10:24, archived)
I have literally no idea what you are blathering on about here(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 10:27,
archived)
drummer out of The Slipknots has carked it, I was jokingly implying that you are a big fan of the teenybopper metallers.(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 10:36, archived)
well I for one am sure glad you did, it was a great joke!!!(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 10:52,
archived)
I actually couldn't give a single, solitary shit(
Two Hats ๐ฉ๐ฉ, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 10:39,
archived)
DIAGNOSIS: Acute bowel obstruction.Please ring 999, your intestines may explode at any moment.
You're welcome
(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 11:30, archived)
Salutations and felicitations (
Smash Monkey 2 Prozac is apparently good for menopause, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 10:59,
archived)
I've lost my phone, I'm sure I had it on me this morning but it might be indoors, so exciting. (, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 11:19, archived)
morning, you mean(
Woodkovsky โน๏ธโ๐ปโ๐ฝโ๐ฃโ๐ฉโ๐งปโ๐, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 8:24,
archived)
just shaking things up a bit, challenging societal norms, u no me m8!(, Wed 28 Jul 2021, 8:35, archived)
The British Olympic throwing team have joined forces with B&M Bargains to release a new margarine spread called "I Can't Believe It's Shot Putter".
(
Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 16:34,
archived)
Craig David is a part of the Olympic archery team, but on the management/coaching side of things.His official role is bow selector.
(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 16:35, archived)
A bloke called Gavin is on the New Zealand female weight lifting team.
(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 16:59, archived)
I met an olympic athlete yesterday and asked if he was a pole vaulter'No' He replied. 'I'm German, how did you know my name was Walter?'
(
broadsword, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 17:27,
archived)
what's worth more?gold or curling silver?
(
Woodkovsky โน๏ธโ๐ปโ๐ฝโ๐ฃโ๐ฉโ๐งปโ๐, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 17:32,
archived)
Live, Love, Laugh. But not at this obviously. (
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 18:08,
archived)
That was terrible (
Smash Monkey 2 Prozac is apparently good for menopause, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 19:47,
archived)
Paula Radcliffe has her own one."I can't believe it's butt splatter"
(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 21:19, archived)
Perhaps if you'd paid a little more attention in school you'd have noticed that he's transposed two letters in the word "wanker",as well as using the incorrect form of "you're".
(
Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Tue 27 Jul 2021, 13:16,
archived)
language isn't fixed, m8 - it's constantly evolving(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 13:23,
archived)
I love it when thickos use this as an excuse for being thickos.(
Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Tue 27 Jul 2021, 13:26,
archived)
there is an unfortunate grain of truth in it - modern dictionaries list 'both' definitions of 'literally'and it literally makes me smash my head into a wall in frustration
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 13:51,
archived)
'literally', adj. See 'figuratively'.(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 14:56,
archived)
unbearable, isn't it?'The idiots are winning'
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 15:05,
archived)
That's like literally random!!1 ๐ค ๐ฌ ๐คณ ๐ ๐ณ ๐ ๐ง ๐งโ๏ธ ๐(
broadsword, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 15:08,
archived)
Three sheets to the wind, as per
(
Cheers Cheers, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 13:33,
archived)
ey up, lad, nah need fo' that(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 13:08,
archived)
yupgot to keep that prostate flushed,
wouldn't want the old cancer, not now I'm getting on for that age group
(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 13:38, archived)
I've had two wnaks todayso far your theory checks out.
(
brb Monkhouse Stampede, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 14:05,
archived)
it's shaping up to be a classic day on /chat!No wonder garold sacked it off in favour of /links
(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 11:17, archived)
I dunno, he made himself look super silly over his 'THE NORTH IS AWFUL' thing, didn't he?(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 11:29, archived)
I can't see anything wrong with that statement(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 11:34,
archived)
you think I'm responsible for the north being a cold, miserable, rainy shithole full of cunts?I don't see how
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 11:37,
archived)
do you have friends that you look down on for their socioeconomic status whom you patronise by visiting them, so you can bestow them with your southern aura?Then go on to a moribund comedy forum to boast about your humanitarian endeavours?
Wait, this is you , so you definitely will have acquaintances you look down on for being 'poor'.
(, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 11:50, archived)
I don't have any friends in the north, don't be ridiculous(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 12:25,
archived)
I see Sydney is having anti lockdown protests now, that'll bode well in an unvacinated country in winter (
mongychops, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 11:26,
archived)
yeah practically no-one has been jabbed there - Guardian says 13.4% fully vaxxedparents-in-law have had theirs, which is good
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 11:36,
archived)
From people I've spoken to out thereThere seems to be a common attitude of "I live fucking miles away from the hot spots, so I'm not getting jabbed with something that I don't believe has been fully tested". This falls apart, of course, when an infected person turns up in their community
(
Two Hats ๐ฉ๐ฉ, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 11:53,
archived)
Somebody's got an autobiography out pathways-org.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/Antiracist-Baby-Ibram-X-Kendi-and-Ashley-Lukashevsky-Black-History-Month.jpg
(
mongychops, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 12:26,
archived)
I preferred their first book, Pro Abortion Baby. (
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 14:20,
archived)
Alright Got pinged last week, gonna lick a llama to commiserate
(
Cheers Cheers, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 11:47,
archived)
I've done 4 pings, although the last one was engineered so I got 4 days off (
mongychops, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 11:59,
archived)
I've yet to get pinged, given how much of a bunch of maskless shitcunts there are round here makes this nothing short of a miracle(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 12:30,
archived)
Afternoon A neighbour dropped off a bottle of Gordon's last night, which was nice.
(
Smash Monkey 2 Prozac is apparently good for menopause, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 12:12,
archived)
a large bunch of very nice flowers turned up from some Aus friends earliernice when people look out for you eh
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 12:27,
archived)
Indeed Now I just need a local dealer to have a sudden attack of neighbourly altruism
(
Smash Monkey 2 Prozac is apparently good for menopause, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 12:56,
archived)
is this a Sepultura album I should listen to?(
Woodkovsky โน๏ธโ๐ปโ๐ฝโ๐ฃโ๐ฉโ๐งปโ๐, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 9:34,
archived)
MORNING A.D.WEE'D ON... THE SEAT!
TOAST ON... THE FLOOR!
I'M SICK OF THIS!
(
Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Tue 27 Jul 2021, 10:31,
archived)
Tuesdays I have fuck all to do, pub by 12, Wednesdays I don't get to the pub till 5, I prefer tues (
mongychops, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 9:52,
archived)
« Older messages | Newer messages »