would you rather eat mariah carey's pubes on toasted focaccia bread
or

listen to celine dion's vegas live album for 48 hours?
( asparagus time Is in Brazil., Sun 10 Jul 2005, 10:00, archived)

easy
listen to celine dion's vegas live album for 48 hours

mariah carey should just die
( diffy maybs, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 10:01, archived)

Maria Carey is a cunt

( Hankster, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 10:01, archived)

This

lots
( diffy maybs, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 10:02, archived)

Yeah but id still bag her and tag her

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 10:02, archived)

Nope
Seriuosly, she disgusts me.
( Hankster, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 10:02, archived)

This

lots
( diffy maybs, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 10:04, archived)

Bah
Well i shall do her twice when my turn comes around, so you dont have to

Mykeyboy: Helping others since 10:04am
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 10:04, archived)

My oldest mate
whom I now work with has the habit of taking the piss a bit at work sometimes (In a non-nasty amusing way). In retaliation this will be on standby for the notice board
img.photobucket.com/albums/v83/jrx575/john1.jpg (Mildy NSFW)

Some of you may know him from a couple of Oxford bashes
( Hankster, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 9:09, archived)

He is Martin Freeman's fatter, uglier brother
AICMFP
( Druid, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 9:17, archived)

I would have said he looks more like one of the Gallaghers

( ArthurTheRat, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 9:18, archived)

I can only think of one song that fits that...so I shall sing it...
Wanna be your dominated love slave
Wanna be the one who takes the pain
you can spank me when I do not behave
Smack me in the forehead with a chain


/I'm in that sort of mood where I will spend the day linking everything to songs...
(P-nut Obsessive Compulsive Green Day Disorder..., Sun 10 Jul 2005, 9:26, archived)

hehe
You really don't want to see what is going on in the bottom of the picture that I cropped out. I'm disturbed for good now.
( Hankster, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 9:30, archived)

no I am completely certain I don't
but the song is good...
(P-nut Obsessive Compulsive Green Day Disorder..., Sun 10 Jul 2005, 9:33, archived)

If I guess who wrote it, do I win a prize?

( ArthurTheRat, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 9:37, archived)

depends
if you want an empty crisp packet or a bottle of nail varnish remover, then yes - cos thats what I have here...
(P-nut Obsessive Compulsive Green Day Disorder..., Sun 10 Jul 2005, 9:38, archived)

No handjob?

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 9:41, archived)

No
I don't have time this mroning...I have to go to church (my Grandparents are over)
(P-nut Obsessive Compulsive Green Day Disorder..., Sun 10 Jul 2005, 9:41, archived)

But church doesn't involve Green Day!

( ArthurTheRat, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 9:43, archived)

I have to be in church at 11:30
for a Christening. This goes against everything I stand for. I will feel out of place and a hypocryte
( Hankster, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 9:43, archived)

Steal the baby
and baptise it into the Church of Satan
( ArthurTheRat, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 9:44, archived)

Good plan
*hatches plan*
( Hankster, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 9:45, archived)

You mean you dont usually get up before then?

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 9:47, archived)

Arf!
He will pummel your bottom for this:)
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 9:34, archived)

That'll teach him to write "Gay" on my locker

( Hankster, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 9:35, archived)

:)
You could steal his lunch money too:)
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 9:36, archived)

Morning everyone.
I dreamt an asteroid fell on part of my village.

It was the chavvy council estate part though, so that's fine.
( ArthurTheRat, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 8:48, archived)

Was it you that wished for a bomb to be set off at Live 8 last week?

(Jimmy Choo, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 8:51, archived)

Nah, that was Sprinkles.

( ArthurTheRat, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 8:52, archived)

'ning
I dreamt last night that my t-shirt wouldn't fit, only to wake up this morning and the wife to tell me I was trying to wear a pair of boxer shorts as a t-shirt in the middle of the night.
ho-hum, wonder what it means
( just mike, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 8:53, archived)

You weren't chewing the pillow were you?

( ArthurTheRat, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 8:55, archived)

I awoke this morning
having no idea where I was or who I am.

This is strange as I stayed in last night and woke in my own bed


Edit: And Lu, I just got your Shane Richie text.
( Hankster, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 8:58, archived)

I awoke this morning........
..................
..................
..................
..................
..................
..................
that's about it really
( robh, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 9:01, archived)

I dreamt that I got shot
and for some reason I was really pissed off cos it meant I wouldn't be able to play drums and go on tour...
(P-nut Obsessive Compulsive Green Day Disorder..., Sun 10 Jul 2005, 9:04, archived)

I dreamt I was in a magical place
where the beer was only £1.46 a pint
( Druid, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 9:08, archived)

Anyone know
how to do transparency in GIF/JPG?
( The Coast Of Yemen, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 8:38, archived)

Yes thanks.

(Marwood, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 8:42, archived)

I'm playing some tunes
if anyone is remotely interested
81.110.218.153:8000/listen.pls
you can have a listen and a bit of a dance if you like
( robh, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 8:25, archived)

Ooh
country
( The Coast Of Yemen, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 8:31, archived)

I have been up since 630.
This is due to falling asleep at 2130 (about) after robh forced me to sample lots of beer.

I did wake up to this though, which was lovely even with a hangover. The mini horse always looks confused.
( Druid, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 8:16, archived)

that's pretty :)
I fell in my garden pond last night


still, another day, the sun's shining, I'm hangover free and I'm off for a long walk today
( robh, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 8:18, archived)

I misread that.
I mentally added another word and got 'fell asleep in my garden pond'!

Where will you be walking to?
( Druid, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 8:19, archived)

waterfoot to
err...err...somewhere else that escapes me.

I shall post pics later
( robh, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 8:20, archived)

Smashing,
and thanks for a great afternoon out. I liked the Ice Maiden, pity about Spang-face though.
( Druid, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 8:24, archived)

ha ha ha ha
Ice maiden, mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm *drools*
( robh, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 8:25, archived)

Hahahaha
look at the size of that fucking horse!
( The Coast Of Yemen, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 8:36, archived)

I have an announcment to make
it's too fucking early

that is all
(Lanky, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 7:37, archived)

does anyone know what it sounds like
when your phone line is tapped?
(Cyrus, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 6:12, archived)

I don't think you can hear it
unless it's done on the mouthpiece.
(Rogue Sausage, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 6:19, archived)

i thought it make clicks like someone picked up a phone, but with the reciever mute

(Cyrus, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 6:22, archived)

Phone-tapping is so '80s.
They have stonking big brain-wave sensing devices in orbit now.
You're fucked.
(Rogue Sausage, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 6:26, archived)

I'm safe.
zapatopi.net/afdb.html
(s0WmVHAwZgpG, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 6:27, archived)

I very much doubt
that it would make any sound whatsoever.
(s0WmVHAwZgpG, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 6:26, archived)

oh....
i was just wondering cause my friends phone is always making noises and i was thinking that might be why..
(Cyrus, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 6:29, archived)

It's far more likely to be a line fault
such as a poor connection at a pit in the street, at the exchange, or within the wiring of his house, or maybe even a fault with one of the devices on the line (phones, dialup/ADSL modems, faxes, monitored alarm systems.) Perhaps he should contact his telco?
(s0WmVHAwZgpG, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 6:39, archived)

If he is an international spy, it's possible.
If he works in a small fruit and veg shop in Portsmouth and is called Derek, I'd say it's unlikely his phone is being tapped.
( Druid, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 6:43, archived)

Unless he's one of those towelhead terrorists

(s0WmVHAwZgpG, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 6:54, archived)

blimey!
you're up early
( robh, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 6:58, archived)

It does,
it makes a click when they turn the recorder on.

Or at least it did back in the 80s when my girlfriends parents phone was being tapped by the government.

I guess that it's a bit more high tech now and you wouldnt hear it.
(Marwood, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 7:35, archived)

b3ta should have a store...
...unless of course there is one and i missed it...
(Christ the Almighty, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 5:32, archived)

Like this one?
www.b3ta.com/shop/
(Marwood, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 7:49, archived)

Just hammered home a 101 on isketch!


I feel I can continue to bed now forefilled
( Devon Dan without geometry, there would be no point, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 2:54, archived)

That is fairly impressive...
beatable though.
(Elfroid How Long Have We Had These?, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 3:03, archived)

I wish I had the first clue
what you are talking about!

*Feels old*
( Slippery Jim Seeking a psychotic lady for fun & sex & crime., Sun 10 Jul 2005, 3:21, archived)

SWEET ZOMBIE JESUS!!!
I missed my first b3taday!

*Cries like a baby*
( Slippery Jim Seeking a psychotic lady for fun & sex & crime., Sun 10 Jul 2005, 2:49, archived)

Go to the angry dome.

( Shoosh up your lips Not state-funded, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 2:53, archived)

Have you got a map
'cos I'm crap with directions?
( Slippery Jim Seeking a psychotic lady for fun & sex & crime., Sun 10 Jul 2005, 2:54, archived)

It's in the north tower,
just upstairs from the hanger.
( Shoosh up your lips Not state-funded, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 2:55, archived)

Righty-ho then.



*Gets lost*


*Phones Shoosh, reversing the charges, to say I'm lost*
( Slippery Jim Seeking a psychotic lady for fun & sex & crime., Sun 10 Jul 2005, 2:58, archived)

aww
i didnt miss mine.
i was counting down the days till i saw t'wife again, and someone shouted 'whats the 5 in your name for?'
and someone else shouted '5 days till her b3taday cuntface'..
i didnt even notice that year go by..
*mourns lost year*
( toxie, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 2:56, archived)

I'm really quite gutted right now!
Bloody work! If I wasn't on the late shift I'd've remembered.

Glad you didn't miss your's!

*Resents*
( Slippery Jim Seeking a psychotic lady for fun & sex & crime., Sun 10 Jul 2005, 3:02, archived)

*celebrates
belatedly*
( Sygiinu, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 3:05, archived)

But I wanted presents...

...and cards...

...and cake...

...and stuff! :-(
( Slippery Jim Seeking a psychotic lady for fun & sex & crime., Sun 10 Jul 2005, 3:07, archived)

*wraps up fluffy kitten in pretty paper*
*gives*
( Sygiinu, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 3:09, archived)

Awwww... how thoughtful!
BTW - how did you know I'm The Mad Kitty Killer Of Old Ilford Town?
( Slippery Jim Seeking a psychotic lady for fun & sex & crime., Sun 10 Jul 2005, 3:12, archived)

*takes kitten back*
*replaces with domo*

kitten killer, eh?

*hopes domo nibbles your fingers*
( Sygiinu, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 3:14, archived)

A cat tried to kill me once.
Seriously! I ended up with 3 broken ribs and 3 crushed vertebrae.

Edit: And that's not counting the one which tried to eat my head when I was a baby!
( Slippery Jim Seeking a psychotic lady for fun & sex & crime., Sun 10 Jul 2005, 3:17, archived)

Oh...
Can I celebrate mine 144 days late?

bugger...
(Elfroid How Long Have We Had These?, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 3:06, archived)

You have my sympathies.
I feel we've both missed a rite of passage :-(
( Slippery Jim Seeking a psychotic lady for fun & sex & crime., Sun 10 Jul 2005, 3:15, archived)

Yes
But its probably best this way for you though... What would people have written on the cards?!
(Elfroid How Long Have We Had These?, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 3:17, archived)

They would have written
"Happy b3taday... eerm... whatsisname!"
( Slippery Jim Seeking a psychotic lady for fun & sex & crime., Sun 10 Jul 2005, 3:19, archived)

Or maybe...
""

Nah, couldn't think of anything good.

Nightynight.
(Elfroid How Long Have We Had These?, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 3:21, archived)

I decided sleep
And since I got a shag earlier I thought I'd tell you that too.
I like watermeloning
(empty_personality, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 2:13, archived)

did the welly boots help?

Saves using ropes on the back legs.
( Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 2:14, archived)

great sex?
whodathunkit.
( toxie, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 2:28, archived)

I've been reading about growing meat
www.newsdesk.umd.edu/scitech/release.cfm?ArticleID=1098

I want some meat seeds. And a porous clay hedgehog to grow some lovely meat on.
( rob, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 2:29, archived)

I bet the bleedin' veggies
would still refuse to eat it unless it was free-range, organic grown meat!
( Slippery Jim Seeking a psychotic lady for fun & sex & crime., Sun 10 Jul 2005, 2:35, archived)

i'm a bleedin' veggie
and I wouldn't eat it because I'd worry that supplying a huge part of the worlds diet from a single bit of genetic stock could have unforseen consequences.

however. I would grow meat sculptures. Like meaty coral.
( rob, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 2:38, archived)

Hmmm...
"I'd worry that supplying a huge part of the worlds diet from one a single bit of genetic stock could have unforseen consequences"

If it's that or tofu I'll take the consequences.

/Edit: Anyone fancy sharing a chinchilla 'cos I'll never finish this one by myself?
( Slippery Jim Seeking a psychotic lady for fun & sex & crime., Sun 10 Jul 2005, 2:42, archived)

yay
i could have potentially as i've got a girlie friend from uni staying (who i've not seen in 2 years) but i think it might have been inapropriate so i've installed her in the spare room.

I would have drivien to the hotel at heathrow to see another girlie (she leaves tomorrow :( ), who is more lush, but i'm stuck here looking after girlie 1.

/bad planning blog

Edit: given this is b3ta i'm surprised there hasn't been any jokes about "installing her in the spare room" yet, *tuts* i giving them to you on a plate.
( Sygiinu, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 2:42, archived)

Am I the only one
thinking "threesome!!!" here?
( Slippery Jim Seeking a psychotic lady for fun & sex & crime., Sun 10 Jul 2005, 2:43, archived)

blimey!
hadn't thought of that!

/shocked at own innocence
( Sygiinu, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 2:45, archived)

wank on her toothbrush
so if you don't get lucky, you'll know she's tasted your semen.
( rob, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 2:47, archived)

That is a highly irresponsible suggestion!
Everyone knows women use toothbrushes to remove blockages in their ladies-bits.

She could get pregnant and then the CSA will hound him for life.
( Slippery Jim Seeking a psychotic lady for fun & sex & crime., Sun 10 Jul 2005, 2:51, archived)

i hope that'll be
a top tip in the next newsletter
( spacehog, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 4:04, archived)

To idly pass the time
How about some Japanese couples caught unexpectedly in cars.

I draw your attention to the male naked except for his socks. A particular female fancy.

www.chilloutzone.de/files/05062803.html
( Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 2:04, archived)

Hahahahahhaha
That's classic!
(empty_personality, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 2:07, archived)

He he he

( Shoosh up your lips Not state-funded, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 2:39, archived)

Wanking sheep.
How do you do it?
(empty_personality, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 2:01, archived)

Police Mace Vs Mace Windu
which one?
(Acemandoo, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 2:02, archived)

I'd love a good wank right now.
Anyone willing to help?
(Borderline Schizo, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 2:03, archived)

I have just bought a bulk supply of AA batteries

Will this help?
( Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 2:06, archived)

I have nothing to put them in :(

(Borderline Schizo, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 2:07, archived)

put a couple together?
9v rectangular one would be better... bit of water on the end...

while I've heard this is pleasurable, it may hurt, and [insert standard disclaimer of liability]
( cheesebread at the third stroke, hammertime will be, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 2:32, archived)

Wanking aids sleep, so both.

( Comma, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 2:07, archived)

Do some sleep wanking self hypnosis
lay back. breath deeply. each breathe you sink into the pillow. feel every muscle on yourbody relax. start on your feet. feel the energy move to your penis. now your knees. to your cock this energy must go. complete with rest of your body.

now you should have a fully erect penis. feel the whole body as a mass of energy that's pumping into your cock.

feel every wave as a wanking tug, willing you to spooge.

that should do it.
( rob, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 2:10, archived)

quite an achievement for a female

( Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 2:12, archived)

hahaha
after the edit, this made me laugh like a loon.
(Acemandoo, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 2:24, archived)

about to take acid for the first time
anyone think swallowing only half the square is the best idea?
( spacehog, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:38, archived)

take the one square
could take an hour to work
dont fight the high, that leads to a bad trip, just let it flow
(moomin-papa ; folkin class., Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:39, archived)

nah
do a whole one.

But do it with a friend. You'll have much more fun.
( rob, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:40, archived)

there's no-one else here right now
you think that makes it a bad idea?
( spacehog, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:40, archived)

where do you want to be buried?
just in case, like..
( toxie, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:41, archived)

ha!
that comment's hardly going to help!

cremated to a crisp please
( spacehog, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:42, archived)

yeah - save it until you've got some friends around
tripping on your own can be a bit weird.
( rob, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:42, archived)

done it with liberty caps
it was ok - was expecting similar... having second thoughts now
( spacehog, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:43, archived)

hmmm why are you even thinking of taking drugs on your own
get friends
2 get drunk
3 take drugs

if you go away from that it usually goes wrong....take notice of step 1
( Grundlebiscuit, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:45, archived)

what is this 'get friends'?

( spacehog, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:47, archived)

this is good advice ^

edit/ once drove car to War Of The Worlds/Jeff Wayne on mushrooms very late at night and the lack of cars made me believe the Martians had landed. Very weird and scary.
( Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:43, archived)

I once sacked off work with the marketing director at some web agency I worked at
to look for / eat mushrooms.

The company collapsed some weeks later.

Now, I'm not saying the drugs made the company fail, but it was a kind of sign that I wasn't going to be getting a pay cheque.
( rob, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:49, archived)

But what colourful web pages you produced

so 1997
( Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:53, archived)

you're not far wrong
it was '98 and our "big project" was some VRML nightmare.

A 3D ship you could "walk around" to read some fucking press releases.

A bigger turkey I have never worked on.
( rob, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:55, archived)

VRML
didn't quite change the world, did it?
( spacehog, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:59, archived)

NIRMAL
is Garfields enemy.
(empty_personality, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 2:03, archived)

you make your own choices and face the consequences

Good luck and make sure you have people around you who understand a bad trip.
( Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:40, archived)

Wash it down
with Domestos.
(empty_personality, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:43, archived)

this is good advice ^

( rob, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:44, archived)

pfft

( spacehog, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:46, archived)

half way thorugh youll die
thats the best bit, remember to call your mum and tell her youre sorry
( Grundlebiscuit, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:43, archived)

ha
bastard
( spacehog, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:44, archived)

Heh.
Don't drop if you have anything difficult required of you within the next few hours. Like buttoning your shirt.

(Remembers struggling with removing a jacket from his pack and trying to put it on while tripping. Took about 20 minutes, I think. Feeling overwhelmed and giggling like a madman the whole time.)
(Rogue Sausage, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 6:13, archived)

Is this the best porn movie title ever?
www.imdb.com/title/tt0391713/
(Uncle Vinnie, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:23, archived)

I prefer 'Lord of the g-strings'

( toxie, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:26, archived)

ha ha ha
top marks
( rob, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:27, archived)

YES!
I was in it.
(empty_personality, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:27, archived)

I am not going to ask how you found that title

did you get my summer CD yet?
( Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:28, archived)

Hiya mate!
Yes, it came today. Cheers! No track listing, though? Haven't got round to listening to it yet - will give it a spin tomorrow. Have you heard mine yet?
(Uncle Vinnie, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:33, archived)

I am going to savour it tomorrow morning in the car
while heading out for a day of jollities

I will send you the track listing after you have heard it.
It is better that way - my taste in music is better when taken by surprise. :)
( Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:36, archived)

Good idea
I can play "Name That Tune" as I listen.
(Uncle Vinnie, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:39, archived)

I'm hungry

(moomin-papa ; folkin class., Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:29, archived)

oh my god
i love the first comment down. whoever wrote that needs a politzer.
( Grundlebiscuit, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:30, archived)

one of the birds
was in such great films as "Swallow My Pride" and the "Cum Dumpsters" series!
( cheesebread at the third stroke, hammertime will be, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:31, archived)

charlotte church or henry VIII?

( Grundlebiscuit, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:22, archived)

As target practice?

(empty_personality, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:26, archived)

I'd like to fuck Charlotte Church
whilst Henry VIII watched. Drinking his own piss. Gurling contentedly.
( rob, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:26, archived)

This seems a bit too
detailed to be spontaneous.
You think about Henry VIII a lot dont you Rob. Go on, admit it. You subscribe to www.henryviiidrinkspiss.com dont you!
(empty_personality, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:30, archived)

eh
why would you want to see henry the 7th frink drink piss? thatd be boring. h8 would be funny cos he has boobies.

edit: did you edit that or am i drunk?
( Grundlebiscuit, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:32, archived)

On piss?
Henry the VIIs?
(empty_personality, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 2:05, archived)

I confess the piss drinking came from an earlier conversation I had with my missus this evening
About Nick Rhodes from Duran Duran. Laying on his back. Naked. Drinking his own piss. With a tube directly to his mouth. Rolling in feathers.

The conversation started as a who's better? Duran Duran or Tony Hadley?

I concluded Duran Duran were better. Mainly due to the piss drinking.
( rob, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:33, archived)

This piss drinking thing
Does it come from www.drinkingurine.com?
(empty_personality, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:56, archived)

Henry VIII

He passed a law that as monarch he had the right to deflower a virgin in any village he stayed in.

It was considered an honour to give up your daughter for this noble deed.
( Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:26, archived)

wicked
good old fucker old henry.
( Grundlebiscuit, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:27, archived)

Well,
who wouldnt want to fuck henry?
( toxie, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:27, archived)

Anyone who didn't want syphylis

( Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:29, archived)

Who else
Wants to dance with me?
(empty_personality, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:11, archived)

I do,
but my fucking feet fucking hurt, so I shan't.
( Comma, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:12, archived)

Tell them t stop fucking then
And give them a tissue to wipe up the goo.
(empty_personality, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:13, archived)

Lick it.

( Comma, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:17, archived)

lick the fish

( Grundlebiscuit, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:21, archived)

Kick it.
and wipe it hard.
(empty_personality, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:23, archived)

my mate dave sais he fancies you

( Grundlebiscuit, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:13, archived)

My mate dave
says he had your mum.
(empty_personality, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:15, archived)

hed be a bit of a loser if he hadnt
shes as loose as a steak and kidney pie on lossening tablets.
( Grundlebiscuit, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:17, archived)

He said she looked a bit
like she was inside out and made of pie.
(empty_personality, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:18, archived)

thatd make sence then

( Grundlebiscuit, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:19, archived)

If you'll buy me a drink
I'll submit to your every quim whim
( Reid got it going on like Donkey Kong, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:24, archived)

Is that a kind of hat?
Worn by a Cunt?
(empty_personality, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:29, archived)

hmm...
cunt dave?

I don't know anyone who wears a quim on their head.
( Reid got it going on like Donkey Kong, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:56, archived)

anyone agree with me
a really strong mustard and ham sandwich (not ham and mustard, that is slighlty different) is more painful than snorting a shot of waitrose vodka....i just founf that out and it makes me find it hard to finish my sandwich off...
( Grundlebiscuit, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 0:56, archived)

I've never eaten mustard.

( Comma, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 0:56, archived)

me
neither
(SquidHead, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 0:57, archived)

i bet you have just never realised it
we all have in one way or another...
( Grundlebiscuit, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 0:59, archived)

Nor me
And considering how hot and horrible it's supposed to be, I shan't bother.
( Reid got it going on like Donkey Kong, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:03, archived)

Mustard is all of the yummy
It should be compulsary in schools.
( NobbyNobody 21 years a b3tan, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:06, archived)

*concurs*
thatd rid the schools of nancy boys and emo kids and generally sort the country out. get on to jamie oliver about that, thatd be fab.
( Grundlebiscuit, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:13, archived)

Oh this
yes this.
( NobbyNobody 21 years a b3tan, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:23, archived)

depends
A good strong mustard is good but when you get a mustard hit from a rogue piece in the back of the throat it is stronger than a shot of waitrose vodka.

But then again, vodka gives the mildest hit of all spirits and I don't think you really snorted it. Did you?
( Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:03, archived)

not tonight, but many a bored 15 year old night
but no word of a lie i was pretty much living in a crack house...heehehe...scag...


(ne!)
( Grundlebiscuit, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:05, archived)

When i was in slovakia
I had a beef and mustard thing that was SOOO strong I nearly collapsed in a heap of eyeball goo.
(empty_personality, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:05, archived)

Snorting vodka is fine.
What hurts is something more sugary, like southern comfort. The sugar crystallises down the back of your nose and scratches like a bastard.
(goat thinks you're shit, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:07, archived)

i will try that tommorrow and take a picture
would it really crystallise that quickly?
( Grundlebiscuit, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:11, archived)

why snort it

when you can make a very palatable vodka martini (shaken not stirred, with a twist)
( Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:12, archived)

cos thatd be pretty lez
snorting is much funner and more like mustard
( Grundlebiscuit, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:15, archived)

depends how strong the mustard is

(P-nut Obsessive Compulsive Green Day Disorder..., Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:11, archived)

snorting vodka isnt that bad,
because its flat.
try snorting something fizzy... *shudders*
( toxie, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:12, archived)

like fizzy jizz?

( Grundlebiscuit, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:13, archived)

Is that like
jizzy fizz? Only jizzier?
(empty_personality, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:16, archived)

no, its exactly the same
although you may have just defined a market which isnt yet being catred for....hmmmm

*goes to drawing board*
( Grundlebiscuit, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:19, archived)

you students and your funny habits

what happened to the good old days of drinking the whole bottle and thinking you can fly (while balancing on the roof)?
( Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:19, archived)

i have a bad habit of breathing in when i drink.
it gets messy.
( toxie, Sun 10 Jul 2005, 1:20, archived)