Whilst you'rre all being German
This actually strikes me as a good idea

================================

Following the disaster in London . . .

East Anglian Ambulance Service have launched a national "In case of
Emergency ( ICE ) " campaign with the support of Falklands war hero Simon
Weston.

The idea is that you store the word " I C E " in your mobile phone address
book, and against it enter the number of the person you would want to be
contacted "In Case of Emergency".

In an emergency situation ambulance and hospital staff will then be able to
quickly find out who your next of kin are and be able to contact them. It's
so simple that everyone can do it. Please do.

Please will you also email this to everybody in your address book, it won't
take too many 'forwards' before everybody will know about this. It really
could save your life, or put a loved one's mind at rest.

For more than one contact name ICE1, ICE2, ICE3 etc.



www.eastanglianambulance.com/content/news/newsdetail.asp?newsID=646104183
( Big Ian has stopped changing his sig, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 12:05, archived)

this is nothing new

( asparagus time Is in Brazil., Mon 11 Jul 2005, 12:06, archived)

If it were real we would have National Media campaigns
not an e-mail viral.

It is a good idea though.
( Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 12:15, archived)

Like a familiar, overgrown anaconda
this is too long and has been here before.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 12:07, archived)

Fucking Simon Weston
Always putting his face in where its not wanted....
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 12:08, archived)

I'm particularly guilty
of finding it amusing that Simon Weston is in favour of ICE.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 12:08, archived)

He looks
like a melted Jeremy Beadle
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 12:12, archived)

*guilty arf*

( comrade yannovski and then, of course, there was the schnapps monkey, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 12:18, archived)

Or have them tattoed/carved on your face
like me.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 12:09, archived)

Or superglue photographs of loved ones to your back
in which they are miming their own phone numbers.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 12:12, archived)

use staples
superglue isn't as reliable as manufacturers will have you believe.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 12:14, archived)

Will do.
Ta - arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 12:15, archived)

Die Glassencocken
but a good idea anyway.
( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Mon 11 Jul 2005, 12:09, archived)

Herr Moose
ze package has been sent
typed whilst wearing false beard and glasses
( Dill, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 12:12, archived)

Sehr Gut!
I shall wait by zee door for the sound of zee pigeon shitting in zee night postman
( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Mon 11 Jul 2005, 12:19, archived)

I C E, I C E,
baby...
...ding-ning-ning-digger-ding-ning...
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 11 Jul 2005, 12:18, archived)

Bloody Hell
There's roadworks on the A899 again. That's gotta be about the 8th time this year so far.
( Dugs - The artist formerly known as Dugsybaws, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 12:04, archived)

Go to work on an egg.
That'll fool 'em !
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 12:06, archived)

probably
and i'm sure that there's one particular road in croydon that they resurface the pavements every few months. i'm thinking that there's some kind of council funds scam going on there.
( sex and dougs and rock n roll, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 12:07, archived)

Isn't a corydon
some kind of rodent ?
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 12:08, archived)

eh?

( sex and dougs and rock n roll, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 12:09, archived)

no
it'll be a mammal for sure
( Dill, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 12:14, archived)

There's this bridge on this road
And its ALWAYS getting worked on/repainted/resurfaced/restrengthed.

Does me facking 'ead in
( Dugs - The artist formerly known as Dugsybaws, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 12:09, archived)

Are the roadworkers all arabs?
And more importantly are they setting large boxes labelled "bomb" just under the surface of the road.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 12:09, archived)

Sie sind aller homosexuell und Ihr Muttergeruch der Holunderbeeren
( sex and dougs and rock n roll, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:58, archived)

VERE ARE YORE PAPERZ!?!?

( Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 12:01, archived)

How was the knobbing of your bird in foreign climes then?

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 12:02, archived)

are you asking if it happened
or for full graphic details?
( Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 12:03, archived)

tis Mykey
of course he wants graphic details
( Dill, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 12:08, archived)

graphic details pictures of her in the nip with a cucumber in each hole
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 12:09, archived)

IHR ALLES HOMOSEXUELL

( bloobloo, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 12:01, archived)

I thought this was a promising headline
for cereal rights:
news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/4670605.stm
But it turns out to be just politics.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 12:03, archived)

German
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 12:07, archived)

Does anyone know of a way i can password protect firefox?
i.e. from being used at all.

I don't want my flatmate using the net while i'm not here (which he has done - and rather inexpertly covered his tracks) but at the same time - I leave torrents going while i'm out/at work etc.

so i don't want to disconnect from the net while i'm out.

cheers
( newg rum n coke, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:57, archived)

Easier to password protect your screensaver.

( supermoore: HUNG, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:58, archived)

yeah you're right.
I'm looking at the problem from completely the wrong perspective.
( newg rum n coke, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 12:00, archived)

Cant you just lock your PC?
- Task manager
- Lock computer
( comrade yannovski and then, of course, there was the schnapps monkey, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:58, archived)

Winkey+L
( sex and dougs and rock n roll, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:59, archived)

Only on XP
*prods work 2K box*
( comrade yannovski and then, of course, there was the schnapps monkey, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 12:00, archived)

Lock the screen?

( bloobloo, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:58, archived)

Lock the scr-
you get the picture.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 12:00, archived)

Buy a Llama
put the 'puter in the Llama.

Dont tell your flatmate you have put your 'puter in the Llama.

Then kill a fox in your shed.

Quietly.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 12:03, archived)

I agree with all the above
except one should never kill a fox in a shed, one should chase it mercilessly for hours whilst wearing ridiculous outfits and then have it ripped asunder in front og the local primary school, by a hoard of slavering hounds then off to the club for tiffin
Wing Commander Bollocks Brown, retired
( Dill, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 12:07, archived)

Fuck the Germans
up the shitty bullet hole.

With a Lancaster Bomber.

*Invades India*
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:56, archived)

I think that bomber full of poppies
should have been used over Berlin during the war.

It wouldn't have hurt anyone, but maybe it would have made people stop a while and think of the futility of war.

And while they were thinking, we could have shot them.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:58, archived)

The people we bombed
were already aware of the futility of war.

It was the gay, repressed cunts playing "Dress up and gas jews" hiding in mountain retreats we should heva been bombing.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 12:00, archived)

Hippy.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 12:03, archived)

*smokes dried banana leaf*
*listens to Joni Mitchell*

*Fucks skinny bird with no tits at a concert*

You're right, this is fucking shit....
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 12:05, archived)

Wir kämpfen Sie auf Ihren Stränden, Tommy.
Wir kämpfen Sie in Ihrem Bett, während wir deutsche poo Pornographie bilden.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 12:01, archived)

You are so camp you are stranded in Tommy (The rawk opera ?)
You are so camp you've been in Brett's ear wherupon you had german poo porn in the building.

Babelfish talks some fucking shite doesnt it ?
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 12:02, archived)

Aye!
That it does, laddy, that it does.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 12:05, archived)

Richt, you fuckers
I have set the target for the most German lunch. You have the following to beat:

A bowl of tomato soup. With meatballs.
Smoked beef, cheese and mustard on rye bread.
A pint of milk.
I'm now heading off to get a midget packet of Gummi-bears for afters.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:36, archived)

Poland on Toast
( spiny - things are looking up, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:39, archived)

i'm having a large sausage
and a flagon of beer*.

*not
(trumpet, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:40, archived)

www.b3ta.com/talk/631121
( Shoosh up your lips Not state-funded, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:41, archived)

hmm...i'm gonna tag along
but i'm a veggie. can only muster black coffee with veggie sausages, onions, cheese and mashed potatos.

still, it rocks meine world
(Heffer foiled, once again, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:42, archived)

Gelunchen :
Ein Beir (Grosseflagonlicht)
Ein Pferd Peniswurst
Ein Tot Juden Gammler

*claims prize*
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:42, archived)

Your prize
is a year's supply of sliced horse cock, a can of Lowenbrau and a mullet.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:50, archived)

Is that a fish mullet
or a cunty hair mullet ?
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:52, archived)

The former
wrapped in the latter, served in your mother's underpants.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:54, archived)

Jew pie
with homo gravy.
( chobb ,ø¤ºGREATº¤ø,¸¸,ø¤ºRAPISTº¤ø,¸¸,ø¤ºRECOMMENDEDº¤ø, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:42, archived)

I'm surprised you're not sick of homo gravy
after the amount you were guzzling on Canal St last week.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:44, archived)

wooo!
das burn!
(Heffer foiled, once again, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:45, archived)

Pah. Homo Gravy is for puffs.
Proper gays eat Aids Gravy.
( Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:50, archived)

I've just taken a call from Mrs. Catfish

It seems to be confirmed that come Christmas I will be the proud* Father of three children under two years of age.

I will be very busy and intend to set up my own charitable trust to help me out of poverty.

*very tired
( Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:36, archived)

Try this:
charitable trust
gas chamber
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:38, archived)

Noted.
Thanks.

*toddles off to Comet to price up ovens gas chambers*
( Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:41, archived)

Glückwünsche,
by the way!
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:53, archived)

well done!
*donates 5p*
(trumpet, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:38, archived)

You filthy bastard
serves you right for shagging.

Congratulations.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:38, archived)

Cheers.
I intend to call them Catfish Jnr 2 & Catfish Jnr 3 - it's a family name.
( Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:42, archived)

Congratulations!
Cigars and champers all round!
( Shoosh up your lips Not state-funded, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:38, archived)

I suggest a strong burlap sack and some lead weights
Oh and some self control:)
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:38, archived)

*readies two bricks*

*winces*
( Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:39, archived)

congratulations!
I presume Amy is the father?
( The Coast Of Yemen, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:40, archived)

:D
Also, are you going to have them circumcised? If you are we need to have words...
( Shoosh up your lips Not state-funded, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:43, archived)

*dons pink Star of David*
*changes name to Chaim Gelbwasser*
( Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:44, archived)

What's with all the German?
Have we been invaded?
( The Coast Of Yemen, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:32, archived)

www.b3ta.com/talk/631142
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:33, archived)

Yes

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:34, archived)

damn
and all the good names are taken.
( The Coast Of Yemen, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:35, archived)

I am feeling guilty about what I started
accidentally and have gone into hiding
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:40, archived)

I thought Mykeyboy started it...

( The Coast Of Yemen, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:42, archived)

I think it was der baldmonkey
that was next in line after Mein Fuhrer.
( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:44, archived)

Fenris started it,
I just picked up on it.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:51, archived)

www.b3ta.com/talk/631012
( Shoosh up your lips Not state-funded, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:34, archived)

I'm eating an egg and bacon 'MAX' sandwich from my local shell garage.
I've found four small bits of bacon in the entire three sandwiches.

I mean, for fucks sake, it cost £2.70!

For this, I think we should invade Poland. Who's with me?
(trumpet, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:36, archived)

Why on earth did you buy a sandwich from the garage?
The only edibles that should be bought in garages are biscuits, chocolate and crisps.

And that's only if you're travelling.
( Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:51, archived)

And boiled sweets
Specifically those ones that come in a tin and spray icing sugar all over you when you open them.
( bloobloo, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:56, archived)

eine Ansage
Ich bin Kranker dieses ganzes deutschen nosense und denke, es von der humourous Seite des Brettes abzieht und wir zu viel Verkehr zum babelfish geben, also ich vorschlagen würde, daß wir zurück zu dem Sprechen Englisch der Königin nach allen gehen, die es nicht so vor langer Zeit wir kämpfte ist und schlage den schmutzigen Hunnen
( Dill, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:24, archived)

/edit: hilarious strike through to insinuate Dill is a gayer.

/edit 2: I'm off to Birmingham for a bit now, if I don't return then I've been blown up by terrorists.
( Shoosh up your lips Not state-funded, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:26, archived)

Viel Glueck!

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:35, archived)

Donkey shine

( Shoosh up your lips Not state-funded, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:36, archived)

an announcement
I is patient this whole German nosense and thinks, it off from humourous the side of the board takes and we too much traffic to babelfish gives, thus I would not suggest that we go back to speaking English of the queen to all, it before long time we fought not in such a way is and strikes the dirty Hunnen.

That the gist of it?
( comrade yannovski and then, of course, there was the schnapps monkey, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:28, archived)

spot on

( Dill, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:29, archived)

Nein.
Es ist in diesen modernen Zeiten, ein Interesse an anderen Kulturen zu zeigen wichtig. Ich denke deutschen Tag in großartigem. Ich möchte Ihnen erklären, wieviel ich vorwärts zu einem deutschen Mittagessen schaue. Sie können Ihr schieben "ließen uns englisches" rechtes hohes sprechen Ihre Unterseite. Ich wettete, daß Sie weg vom Prinzen Phillip saugen möchten.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:31, archived)

I think we should invade the main board.
Get them to have their papers ready for processing.
( Shoosh up your lips Not state-funded, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:20, archived)

If we invade, we might conquer it.
I for one don't want to be resposible for the dross on there.
Could we not just nuke it from a safe distance?
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:23, archived)

From orbit?

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:23, archived)

Orbit professional whitening,
actually.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:24, archived)

I advise everyone on the board
to settle down with a nice Jewish girl, Oi!
( comrade yannovski and then, of course, there was the schnapps monkey, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:11, archived)

Der Juden!

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:12, archived)

Do we have to share?

Or do we get one each?
( Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:12, archived)

With big soft titties.

( Shoosh up your lips Not state-funded, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:12, archived)

das gibt mir das fackin Horn

( comrade yannovski and then, of course, there was the schnapps monkey, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:14, archived)

And a neatly trimmed blonde pubic mound?
And a willingness to take it up the dirty?
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:16, archived)

If only

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:16, archived)

Ich habe spluffed in meinen Hosen.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:17, archived)

And a massive nose
that can be used as an anal stimulant
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:17, archived)

a blonde jewish girl is like an airliner
always has a black box
( Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:17, archived)

Always teh hairy beast

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:19, archived)

Let's settle this once and for all. Germany is good because of Rammstein.
OK, so their music is basically Metallica-esque riffs and guttural barking topped off with cheesy disco synths, but consider...

they flirt with Nazi imagery,
they set fire to things and blow stuff up for no reason,
and they pretend to bum each other.

They should be b3ta's patron rock band, for God's sake!
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:09, archived)

Ich komme zwischen Ihre Nieren

( Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:10, archived)

Rammstein am indeed woo.
Germany has also given us Gamma Ray, who am also woo.
( Bob Todd whee, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:12, archived)

Guttural barking
makes me think of a badly injured dog lying at the side of the road.

Which of course gives me das steifer pfosten
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:12, archived)

Das ficken Horn?
Ja, ja, unt mich, naturlich.
*bumst*
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:14, archived)

What have I missed?

Why has everyone gone all German mad?
( diffy maybs, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:55, archived)

Wanking
makes you German
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:56, archived)

Volks Wanken

( Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:57, archived)

Pffft!

( Shoosh up your lips Not state-funded, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:01, archived)

Oh

My step dad's dad was German, so I walked around with the surname Hampe for years. It's an awful name...
( diffy maybs, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:58, archived)

www.b3ta.com/talk/631041
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:58, archived)

Because it's the most efficient
thing to do. Join us, Fraulein.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:58, archived)

But I don't know any

except my old surname, and that's not good for conversation.
( diffy maybs, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:01, archived)

doesn't seem to hinder anybody else

( Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:01, archived)

I'm easily

hindered. Can't we all pretend to be English? Jolly good show and all that?
( diffy maybs, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:03, archived)

NEIN!
Sie passen an sich, oder wir füllen Ihre Unterseite mit soviel Samen, den sie zum Lauch aus Ihren Ohren heraus anfängt.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:04, archived)

What?

NO! They actually fit, or we fill your lower surface with as much seeds, which them begin to the allium from your ears.
( diffy maybs, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:09, archived)

Like I said,
Altavista babel fish is shit.
It was meant to say "NO! You will conform or we will fill your bottom with so much semen that it will start to come out of your ears."
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:10, archived)

The site being that bad

could really lead to some trouble, it really really could
( diffy maybs, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:12, archived)

allium?

( Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:11, archived)

Use
this.
It's not very good.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:03, archived)

Pffft

Sie aller Gestank von Scheiße
( diffy maybs, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:04, archived)

ahhh
it's infectious. You have caught it now.
( Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:05, archived)

Let's weigh this one up :
Good beer, cars & sausages.

Shit hair cuts. Gay moustaches. David Hasselhoff top of the "hit parade". Women with hairy arms/legs/arses.

I think the beer swings it for me....
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:48, archived)

They also have fantastic senses of humour,
and my mum was born there.
( Malchick, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:49, archived)

My wife was born there
but on a British Army base.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:51, archived)

My mum's dad was a meteorologist who spoke fluent German,
so he sometimes worked in that sort of area. Two of her sisters were born in Vienna. None of them speak any German, though.
( Malchick, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:52, archived)

Pffft!
Most Germans that I've met have been lovely people - and they do make excellent cars and beer - but seriously, they have an awful sense of humour.
( Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:53, archived)

I think they're amusing...
they have a superb sense of irony and satire.
( Malchick, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:53, archived)

Hitler was the greatest
stand up comic ever.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:55, archived)

This
Credit where credit's jew.

/coat, bag, ticket to hull
( Taylorcamb, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:57, archived)

arf

( Dirty Bob hasn't been here for ages, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:03, archived)

And the finest silly walk in Europe

after John Cleese
( Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:58, archived)

I had a German girlfriend
who had zero humour, understood no irony or satire, was controlling as shit, was really cold and unemotional and crap in bed, and she spent all my money.
Apart from that she was quite nice. (Great figure she walked around the house and garden naked all day)
( Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:56, archived)

Against:
Oompa music

For: no speed limits on the Autobahn.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:55, archived)

No speed limits
on a two lane road I dont see as a good thing.

Frightens the fucking life out of me.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:57, archived)

For: You get to sound brilliant when you're angry (like the Japanese as well)

Against: increadibly bad musical taste
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:57, archived)

Good helicopter music, though.

(Small Beer, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:58, archived)

The hair (Facial and cranial)
is worse than the music.

And the clothes arent much cop either.

Anyone here actually been to Germany ?
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:58, archived)

Nope.
But I have eaten a frankfurter.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:02, archived)

frankfurter dead nuns tits
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:05, archived)

Aye
twice
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:03, archived)

I've had a weekend in Berlin
was fupping fab. Nice city for a break, but it pissed with rain the whole time.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:04, archived)

A few times
Dusseldorf is a great city.

Frankfurt is seedy.

Munich is nice (if you can avoid getting shagged by burly, lederhosen-wearing neo-Nazis).

Monchengladbach is almost as stupid as it's name suggests.
( Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:04, archived)

Why the fuck
would you want to avoid that?
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:06, archived)

OK
avoid getting get
( Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:09, archived)

I was actually
interviewed for German TV when I was in Berlin.

There was a spate of neo-nazi skinheads beating up tourists when we went out there and they were asking me if I felt scared. I said not really and they asked me to say I was so they could get better footage.

So I went on German TV giving the impression that English people were more cowardly and gay than the French.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:07, archived)

For: Kraftwerk.
Against: their beer still isn't as good as ours.
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:02, archived)

I think we should compete later on,
to see who can have the most German lunch.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:46, archived)

I'm eating Jews.

( Shoosh up your lips Not state-funded, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:48, archived)

It'll be tastier than sauerkraut.

No diggity!
( Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:50, archived)

I shall compete
since I have no choice, living in Holland.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:52, archived)

Ha ha ha ha!
Ich bedauere Sie, und doch bin ich envious. Obgleich ich nie wußte, waren Sie so robust. Möglicherweise ein Tag können Sie den Enten unterrichten, warum sie ängstlich sind und warum Sie am blanksten sind.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:54, archived)

*pretends to find this funny*

( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:55, archived)

Aye
and I'll shitting like a horse.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:01, archived)

Tulip sniffing Nazi collaborator

( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:55, archived)

You'll be eating
drugs and prostitutes out of a clog for lunch then.

Like all dutch people do.

Sitting in a windmill with a tulip up your arse fingering a dyke.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:55, archived)

windmill dyke
tulip windmill
dyke tulip
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:57, archived)

Whatever gives you the ficken turgidstgestalken

( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 11:01, archived)

Bedecken Sie es in Klemmen und Sperma in seinem Auge!


That is all.
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:45, archived)

Clamps?

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:46, archived)

Babelfish says
"If I squat like a sqealing pig you can sperm in my behind"
( Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:47, archived)

Cover it in clamps and sperm in its eye
(ish)
( Shoosh up your lips Not state-funded, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:50, archived)

When I translate that to german then to french then to greek then back to english, I get:
If seaten cross-legged as sqealing a pig, mporej'ste the cells of my seed in in o'pjsce'n
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:52, archived)

On a Germanic angle
I was reading a South Efrican newspaper on-line.

Apparently one couple from SA arrived at Heathrow and the driver did not turn up to meet them, this is being put down to the bombings. If you read all the missing people stories there are 15 missing from SA alone that are bomb blamed and best of all one man said his father in Tanzania has not been in contact since the bombings and he may have popped over to England without telling anyone and got caught up in the blasts.
( Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:41, archived)

Is there a point to this anecdote?

( Bob Todd whee, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:46, archived)

yes
that every missing person in South Africa is being blamed on the London explosions it seems.
If other countries do the same a that's a lot of people.
( Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:49, archived)

They've probably disappeared for tax reasons

Every single South Efrican I've ever met has been extremely financially astute - sometimes to the point of being offensively tightarsed.

I've only ever met one SE person that I've actually liked and he was an accountant.
( Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:49, archived)

You know what's sad ?
That the posting is very slow due to everyone fucking around with babelfish for five minutes before they post a load of German.

It upsets me and I'm weeping into my bratwurst milkshake as I type.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:38, archived)

JUDEN!

( Shoosh up your lips Not state-funded, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:39, archived)

Oy vey
as if I dont have enough problems with the bloody arabs !
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:43, archived)

?
( Malchick, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:39, archived)

*shakes meat*

( Shoosh up your lips Not state-funded, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:40, archived)

I'm just not posting
as none of you lot are saying anything interesting :p

And I'm waiting for the guy to post the latest Order of the Stick - I need my fix dammit.
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:40, archived)

*gefistens*
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:41, archived)

*says something interesting*

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:41, archived)

*raises eyebrows in surprise*
*in a german way*
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:42, archived)

I'm not posting
I'm too busy designing well-engineered cars and eating red meat products.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:41, archived)

*carpet bombs car factories*
*comes home to a heroes welcome*
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:43, archived)

I love the Germans
they really do have the right ideas on beer, meats and cheese.
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:44, archived)

and the size of beer glasses

( Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:45, archived)

glasses bellies
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:46, archived)

I was told
that if you drink lots of beer that complies to the German "purity" laws (Like DAB) that you dont get a hangover.

This was told to me by a lying cunt as I have since found out
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:45, archived)

Beer I'll grant you
if you don't mind nothing but pilsener, the sausages are good... but the cheese? Are you gone mental?
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:45, archived)

I'm not saying theirs is good especially
but I like their penchant for having all of those 3 things for pretty much every meal of the day.
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:48, archived)

*lets fly a big, beery sausagy fart*
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:49, archived)

Aha
with you all the way on that.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:51, archived)

the roasting whole chickens on spits in the Beer Kellers

An order of a whole chicken and a stein of beer was quite nice when I was pissed - but what a messy meal to offer a drunk man with no knife and fork.
( Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:51, archived)

Wenn ist das Nunstruck git und Slotermeyer?
Ja!
Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!
( Malchick, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:37, archived)