SCORN.
I was invited to dinner last night by some lovely, lovely friends of mine (vegetarians, who had sought out some cracking pork & chili sausages for me, the little beauties). Lovely they are, but also naive, keen lefties - they insisted we watch the fucking tripartite political debate, despite my pleading with them that we might fall out over it.

Two bottles of wine and a couple of beers down, on it came and it was as bad as I'd feared from the off. As soon as the crass, US-style font hit the screen I was off, ranting and raving in a most ungentlemanly manner, I'm afraid. I predicted a tedious merry-go-round of meaningless buzzwords like 'family', 'future', 'change' etc, a liberal dose of 'carers' and 'heroes' blah blah fucking blah, and boy did we get them.

They'd all had 'body language' coaching and were gesturing and 'engaging' like those deaf translators that appear in the corner of the screen to tell you that you're up too late. Nowadays they've all been told that it's good form to concede that the others have some good ideas too, so there was a whole raft of 'I agree with Nick that...' etc, in a transparent attempt to appear even-handed and 'open to good ideas no matter where they come from'.

The whole sorry charade was a populist personality contest and the whole thing sickened me to my stomach. It was also tedious beyond belief and I want my Thursday night back, please.

Tosh, utter tosh and people wonder why I cannot be bothered with it all. I. DON'T. CARE.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Apr 2010, 8:39, 73 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I took the day off and the sun has disappeared
Karma I guess.
I have also woken up with a smoker's cough. WTF.
Last night the cat was doing this weird sneezy thing. It made me think there might be a wasp about, but I couldn't find the Tox or the Raid. I hide them about the place then forget where they are.

I need to MTFU as I'm out for 'lunch' today and out for 'dinner' tonight, and these are Good Things.

Why are you feeling odd?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 16 Apr 2010, 8:25, 58 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

'do you really want to navigate away from this page?'
YES I FUCKING DO! THAT'S WHY I TRIED TO CLOSE THE FUCKING TAB YOU FUCKING CUNT!

cunts
( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 22:41, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Turns out I like Thai food!
Ate too much, though. Also too much coffee cake, the caffeine is making my brain spooly

What have you done too much of (other than your mum) which made you spooly?

Spooly is a made up word, but it's one everyone can relate to
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 22:15, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

So I'm a total chavette.
Tell me something about you.
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 20:19, 184 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

So who's watching the big debate tonight?
I have some very politically minded friends coming over for MOAR BEEEER so we can shout at the telly and laugh at Gordon Brown. I'm very much looking forward to it.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 18:34, 43 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Crap
The flight has been cancelled. No crazy weekend on Belgium beer for me.

On the plus side, I might go during the spring bank holiday, which means an extra day over there.

And as it's sunny in the UK, we'll go to the beach this weekend.

Which bad things happened to you that ended up being quite good?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 15 Apr 2010, 17:14, 33 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

That thread has too many pictures
I'm going to go and see Kick Ass tomorrow, then do some shopping as I'm cooking for some mates.
But what should I cook them that doesn't involve me being stuck in the kitchen too much, but shows off my incredible cooking skills?

ALT Q: Macdonalds, Burger King, KFC or Wimpey?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 16:39, 100 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Bottled Beer Recommendations
I like beer, but I'm not a big fan of most pubs. Fortunately there are many good bottled beers now available. This is the palce where you let everyone else know which you've found to be particularly enjoyable.

Oh and just to be clear, I'll not stand for anyone making fun of Trappist beers on religious grounds.


Right I'll start



I really like all of the Badger ales that I've tried. This is a fantastic summer ale.

Alternative Question: Don't be daft, it's beer. You don't need an alternative.
(Cave Duck, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 15:52, 144 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Show me something that makes me think 'wow', or 'cool' or 'hmmmm'.
www.smashingapps.com/2010/04/15/beautifully-treated-black-and-white-stunning-photographs.html
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 15:14, 82 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

FlashMob: Mass Conga at LHR T5 this evening for the TV cameras - 18:30
Any takers?
( b3tz, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 15:10, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I know this isn't links
but someone emailed this to me earlier:

*WARNING - CONTAINS EVIL CLOWN*
newslite.tv/2010/04/14/evil-clown-service-to-scare-at.html#more

I cannot imagine anything worse as a surprise birthday present, whereas other friends have said they think it would be really cool. What do you think? Would you enjoy this? If so, why the fuck?

Alternatively: What was your best birthday-related experience ever?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 14:46, 32 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Enough about a benign being who lives in the sky.
Aliens.

Anybody seen one?
( girlinthehole, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 14:25, 106 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Davros mentioned the Newcastle University three-parents thing...
My kneejerk and off-the-cuff response, copied from here, is in the replies.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 12:49, 275 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I have a tuna bagette
nom nom nom
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 12:49, 42 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

You can tell it's going to be one of those days
when even Amazon.co.uk think you're a massive shirter.

I've just received one of those "Mr Crow: there are HUGE SAVINGS to be made" emails (read: "Mr Crow: you're not buying ANYWHERE NEAR ENOUGH STUFF FROM US...") from them...

...and amongst the plethora of crap they want me to purchase, they have recommended the DVD of the first series of Glee.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 11:10, 45 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Ethical debate
Based on this:

www.journallive.co.uk/north-east-news/todays-news/2010/04/15/newcastle-university-scientists-in-dna-advance-61634-26248377/

Should the bloke in the photo have plastic surgery to give him some lips?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 15 Apr 2010, 10:52, 90 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

less of a funny, more of a serious.
fibromyalgia. anyone know anything about it, or anything that helps? my mum just got diagnosed. so far i've found 5-htp (5-hydroxytryptophan) and a low glycemic index diet helps some people.


alternatively, my coworker has a sound file play whenevre he gets an email. it's an awful austin powers impression going 'youve got mail baby yeah!' it makes me want to kill. what annoying traits do your coworkers have?
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 10:25, 40 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

One of those "just fucking google it" threads (I have, by the way)
I slag you losers off for asking technical questions on here but now I have a DIY question and some of you less cack-handed types have nice kitchens, so here goes.

I want to put a cooker hood/extractor fan in the chimney breast. There isn't much room due to the shape of the flue once it reaches 2m. Anyone done this/got one of these? What type of cooker hood should I be looking for? They seem to come in various unfathomable forms.

Alternatively, if a supervolcano was to cause a nuclear winter, what are your emergency plans?
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 10:13, 25 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Swing music
The real old fashioned stuff.
Having watched The mask (again) my wife has decided she would quite like to listen to some more of that big band sound.

Recommendations anyone?

Or failing that: What colour is your underwear? Is it well-worn? Would your mum be ashamed of you for it?
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 15 Apr 2010, 9:12, 38 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I love organic chemistry.
it's brilliant. It just makes perfect sense. :-D

What do you lot love then, other then my mum?
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 15 Apr 2010, 8:22, 146 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Haha Vipros
"Youuuuuu-hoooooo... Your kecks are on fi-ire!"
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/8621407.stm

Vipros' volcanic brown cord flares cause flight disruption everywhere, as he plans his Big Trip.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 7:10, 38 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Probably old but
www.conveythis.com/translation.php - This is crazy. For example...

Original text:

"Sweet mother of God does nothing remain sacred?"

...54 translations later we get:

"Madonna is God."
(Ghost Atreides enjoying incontestable health benefits on, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 0:04, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I have a dilemma
For the last year I've been living with another guy in Edinburgh while I'm at uni there. Next year, his girlfriend is moving in to live with us in our two bedroom flat. For various reasons, I'm not particularly against this (I'm very often out in the evenings and as he doesn't have transport I feel bad leaving him on his own etc.), but my problem is the rent. His position is that his girlfriend will pay one third of food money and utility bills, but he doesn't think she should contribute toward the rent on the grounds that she will be living in his room.

I'm not really happy about this, but he is a good friend of mine and I'm not the easiest person to live with, so he does sometimes put up with quite a lot.

Any suggestions?
( Hdjejjwsjdjjf LOOK, Wed 14 Apr 2010, 21:18, 18 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Totally posting this from my brand spanking new Macbook Pro i7 17" with Anti-glare =DDDD
OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY

Apple just got me to pay the differance, I was expecting to buy a new laptop out-right and then wait a week for a refund, not to just pay the dfiferance.

OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 14 Apr 2010, 21:02, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I became an aunt today!
Hoorah, wooyay etc etc.

When my bro send me a picture my first thought was that my niece looks just like Kuato from Total Recall.

Which got me thinking... if I were to ever have twin boys, I would totally want to call them "Quaid" and "Hauser".

Which inappropriate names will you never get to name your children?
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Wed 14 Apr 2010, 20:49, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Guitar Porn


Phwoar, look at the f-holes on that.

A big old Gretsch semi. To my mind, the MILF of guitar porn.
(Cave Duck, Wed 14 Apr 2010, 17:10, 96 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Wow
Now I have four, possibly five, failed driving tests to my name, but this woman makes me look like I'm just not making any effort at all:
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/oxfordshire/8618414.stm
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 14 Apr 2010, 16:38, 46 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

God, I'm bored
I'm on a study day, which I'm grateful for as I do need the chance to train, but that study day means I'm sat in front of my home PC trying to assimilate pages and pages of bland information.

When have you been at your most bored, or your most excited?
( Kroney, Wed 14 Apr 2010, 15:14, 85 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

That thread is rubbish

I have Friday off, I live in London and have no money.

What shall I do after visiting St.Pauls cathedral to scream the Lords prayer whilst wankning and crying?

ALT Q: Would you rather be blind, deaf or Autistic?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 14 Apr 2010, 14:19, 92 replies, latest was 16 years ago)