this afternoon is presented by Gareth 'Gaz Top' Jones
hi guy's
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 4 Jul 2024, 13:19, archived)

The sun's out, and so are the Tories!

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 4 Jul 2024, 13:21, archived)

ps is it that Andy Smith DJ gig this weekend?

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 4 Jul 2024, 13:22, archived)

nope, a week Friday

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 4 Jul 2024, 13:31, archived)

which is lucky as I am rather busy this weekend

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 4 Jul 2024, 13:31, archived)

Moving house eh Rishi, gotcha

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Thu 4 Jul 2024, 13:57, archived)

gonna be a country mouse instead of a town mouse

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 4 Jul 2024, 14:56, archived)

can't be bothered with strikey, the point is he's a cunt ok

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 4 Jul 2024, 16:55, archived)

classic stuff

(sticklebrlcks that's Mr Bricks to you 🍎, Thu 4 Jul 2024, 18:24, archived)

This again. WHO ARE YOU

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 4 Jul 2024, 13:36, archived)

He's Autobot Coke-Jesus
b3ta.com/calendar/event/29010#post29011
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Thu 4 Jul 2024, 13:55, archived)

It's inclusive, I like that.

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 4 Jul 2024, 14:26, archived)

Are you mostly Gaz, but with a little bit of lemonade?
Asking for a friend. Well, not a friend per se. More of a well meaning acquaintance
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 4 Jul 2024, 13:52, archived)

when he was on Shooting Stars Vic Reeves asked him 'do you like camping, Gaz?' which I found hilarious

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 4 Jul 2024, 14:54, archived)

you might have to be old to know the reference
www.campingaz.co.uk/
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 4 Jul 2024, 14:55, archived)

I liked it when Vic introduced Les Dennis as the french fire engine

( broadsword now that's fresh, Thu 4 Jul 2024, 15:28, archived)

I'm more of a 'gaz radler', truth be told

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 4 Jul 2024, 14:57, archived)

IBYAYDOB

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 4 Jul 2024, 18:50, archived)

GAZ IM ME

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Thu 4 Jul 2024, 13:54, archived)

I need WD40
Bathroom door creaks like mad and it's starting to annoy me
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Thu 4 Jul 2024, 14:17, archived)

just keep it open

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 4 Jul 2024, 14:25, archived)

Instead of WD40, the normal stuff, get the "dry PTFE" one.
Less greasey goo later, and it dries fully. Works great.
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Thu 4 Jul 2024, 14:47, archived)

Here you go:
www.amazon.co.uk/WD-40-Specialist-Lubricant-PTFE-400ml/dp/B006UCJ4Z4/
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Thu 4 Jul 2024, 14:48, archived)

I wish I'd have known about this many years ago
I completely fucked a dj mixer trying to eradicate a clicky fader
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 4 Jul 2024, 14:59, archived)

A fader? As in a pot or slider? That needs "contact cleaner", not lube.

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Thu 4 Jul 2024, 15:01, archived)

wd 40 also make a 'specialist' contact cleaner, it's good. about £12 a can i think

( MiseryCunt, Thu 4 Jul 2024, 15:06, archived)

Yeah, the "fast drying" one is good, and worth the money if you need that.
Otherwise I use 750ml "AAB" brand, cos heavy use innit.
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Thu 4 Jul 2024, 15:36, archived)

this was about 30 years ago
My current setup gets very little use because for some insane reason there is no door for the sitting room or for the dining room meaning that Mrs Richard's can't watch drivel on the telly whilst I 'represent on the ones and twos*

*not a lavatorial euphemism
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 4 Jul 2024, 16:11, archived)

Cheers, I'll have a look for it tomorrow

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Thu 4 Jul 2024, 16:25, archived)

Bathroom door creaks like mad there's a rat in mi kitchen, and I understand this is an issue they have also encountered, so I'm hoping they can pass on their relevant experience as how to fix that rat
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 4 Jul 2024, 14:53, archived)

maxwell house is fucking disgusting. if you buy some of that and put it in the kitchen the rat will move out.

( MiseryCunt, Thu 4 Jul 2024, 15:08, archived)

this morning is sponsored by Bollocks

( MiseryCunt, Thu 4 Jul 2024, 8:03, archived)

You would say that

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 4 Jul 2024, 8:11, archived)

Bollocks

( MiseryCunt, Thu 4 Jul 2024, 8:15, archived)

B to the OL to the LOCKS

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Thu 4 Jul 2024, 8:18, archived)

yo homie b

( MiseryCunt, Thu 4 Jul 2024, 8:31, archived)

Vote Buster Gonad!

(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Thu 4 Jul 2024, 8:25, archived)

that's unfeasible

( MiseryCunt, Thu 4 Jul 2024, 8:31, archived)

I've got covid. It's bollocks

( broadsword now that's fresh, Thu 4 Jul 2024, 9:44, archived)

I am now clear of covid

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 4 Jul 2024, 10:48, archived)

Pass it on

( MiseryCunt, Thu 4 Jul 2024, 11:59, archived)

CORBYN 4 PM!!!

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 4 Jul 2024, 10:57, archived)

Keir Starmer's wife wearing a repurposed orange jumpsuit to vote, is she a political prisoner?

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 4 Jul 2024, 11:42, archived)

My seat is unexpectedly competitive, my vote might actually make a difference.
lol seat
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Thu 4 Jul 2024, 12:39, archived)

Well Mr Kinnock certainly seems like a nice man

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 4 Jul 2024, 13:05, archived)

Harold Wilson smokes a pipe, that means you can trust him

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 4 Jul 2024, 13:20, archived)

No I saw it on a poster it said it isn't a pipe

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 4 Jul 2024, 13:40, archived)

Guys which is the best duck call VST instrument?
Kind of urgent.
( brb Monkhouse Stampede, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 22:50, archived)

Why do you urgently need to attract ducks?

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Thu 4 Jul 2024, 6:25, archived)

- d
+ f
Think I'll vote Green, where we live is a Tory safe one although the tax dodging racist middle class gammon shitheads could well make it a reform one
Politics eh?
(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Thu 4 Jul 2024, 7:44, archived)

Yeah, it's all fucked
Although I'll be surprised if reform gets a single seat
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Thu 4 Jul 2024, 7:48, archived)

Vote for whoever is best placed to remove the tories, you stupid fucking cunt.

( brb Monkhouse Stampede, Thu 4 Jul 2024, 14:54, archived)

I don't.
I urgently need a duck call vsti.
( brb Monkhouse Stampede, Thu 4 Jul 2024, 14:53, archived)

Pushing that messy abortion of a post down the board like mashing chunks of vomit through a sink drain.
I recently saw a clip of Trump where he did this piece of weird verbal gymnastics... first he denied ever doing a thing, then he immediately admitted to once doing the thing, but then dismissed that 'one time' by saying, "It doesn't count."
Since I saw this, I've been noticing that pretty much everyone does this.
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 19:13, archived)

No they don't.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 3 Jul 2024, 19:15, archived)

I don't either, well I did this one time, doesn't count obviously
I DID IT TO MAKE A POINT
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 19:17, archived)

Yes but if it doesn't count then surely that fatally undermines your point.
Discuss.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 19:37, archived)

Oh christ I just realised that if brb reads this he probably will, at great length.
I retract that Discuss.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 19:38, archived)

it's ok, i provide a brb-free safe space in all my posts and comments

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 20:20, archived)

god bless you

( MiseryCunt, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 20:38, archived)

savor

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 3 Jul 2024, 19:47, archived)

jesus christ

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 20:34, archived)

You can't stump the Trump

( $$ ✅, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 20:05, archived)

PewDiePie: Zero deaths.

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 20:06, archived)

Isn't that that bloke who filmed a dead bloke, so at least one

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 20:09, archived)

Stupid boy.

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 21:27, archived)

Probably, it's pigeon chess with you, I'll leave you to it

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 21:46, archived)

pigeon chess, TIL

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 4 Jul 2024, 0:22, archived)

Was it just that one time he raped a 12-year-old?

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Wed 3 Jul 2024, 20:10, archived)

It was the woman he was found to have sexually assaulted in the bathroom of a department store
Never met the woman... met her once... doesn't count
There's a photo of them together, that's why he keeps subtly raising this
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 20:17, archived)

Kelly the elephants fault. Too much trump.

( mongychops, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 20:29, archived)

Auto 🥕 but I like it.

( mongychops, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 20:29, archived)

My dog did a vomit

(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Wed 3 Jul 2024, 20:37, archived)

i got a kebab after work and i wanted to do the same thing

( MiseryCunt, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 20:45, archived)

My plan to mix nitrous oxide with a hearty broth has made me a laughing stock, fuck you

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 16:27, archived)

b3ta.com/questions/imsorryivewrittenajoke/post2634527
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 3 Jul 2024, 16:34, archived)

Perhaps I read it there and forgot, I thought this was my breakthrough moment, fuck you beepeedee. fuck you.

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 17:08, archived)

I will savour this moment my whole life.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 3 Jul 2024, 17:09, archived)

no, no

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 17:10, archived)

no u

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 17:11, archived)

Laghing stock

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 3 Jul 2024, 17:12, archived)

savor

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 19:03, archived)

savouur

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 3 Jul 2024, 19:14, archived)

just stuff the thing why not, suavourgh
Jesus Christ Our Suavourgh
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 19:18, archived)

Facebook's started pushing bizarre AI spam at me,
I used one of them to make a /calendar event
b3ta.com/calendar/event/29010
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 19:48, archived)

That is seriously fantastic, everything that's shit about text-to-image AI all in one place.
That AI Amazon pic you posted a while back, I've seen a few like that now. The future is shit.
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 20:26, archived)

teh magic donkey

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 22:09, archived)

Just sayin

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 3 Jul 2024, 16:34, archived)

Woman just commented on a fb post I'm following
Patti Bumbarger. I bet she got the piss ripped at school
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 16:40, archived)

Brothers name is Randy.
(Oooh_cuntroversial Where have I been?, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 16:45, archived)

I ordered too many poetry books from a Coventry born poet
It made me a Larkin stock
( $$ ✅, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 16:52, archived)

Larkin around, Larkin not around any more

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 17:10, archived)

Carkin' Larkin

( $$ ✅, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 17:17, archived)

You'd end up with a whipped cream like stock . Stick it in a can. You are a genius.

( mongychops, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 19:01, archived)

"Canned Laughter", brilliant, I appreciate your input and you're on 5% of gross

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 19:03, archived)

Bpd was a bit rude to me the other day in my suggestion in spending hard earned cash
Absolutely serious question here I will donate 50 quid to a charity/worthy cause
Tell me who and why please
Serious bloody question for a change
(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 12:04, archived)

The Conservative and Unionist Party
to Get Brexit Done
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 12:15, archived)

STOMPY STOMP STOMP

(sticklebricks, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 12:22, archived)

Oh bpd is a camel knobber
Not only that, he frots
Types a lot of shite with his head dobber
Whilst wearing podka dots
( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 12:35, archived)

Your autocorrect has never heard of a dobber

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 12:36, archived)

dobber (plural dobbers)
1. Alternative form of dauber (“marker pen used for bingo cards”)
2. (UK, derogatory) A member of the working class in Scotland or Ireland who is seen as undereducated, with poor taste, especially in clothes, and poor social skills; closely connected to chav.
3. (Australia, UK, derogatory) One who dobs (informs against or implicates to authority).
Nikki is such a dobber, she told the teacher that I hit Karen in the playground.
4. (British, informal) Any small electronic device that plugs directly into a larger one, such as a wireless scoring system in fencing or a USB mass storage device.
5. (British, Ireland, chiefly dialect) A large marble.
6. (US, regional) A float (as used by an angler).
7. A dabchick.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 12:40, archived)

Time on your hands today?

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 12:41, archived)

I was actually looking for definitions that included the gardening tool,
but apparently that's a dibber.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 12:43, archived)

It is indeed
Which reminds me, I still haven't found my secateurs
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 12:45, archived)

try looking in the last place

( MiseryCunt, Thu 4 Jul 2024, 7:51, archived)

isn't 4 a 'dongle'?

(sticklebrlcks that's Mr Bricks to you 🍎, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 13:16, archived)

like you've never rammed your dobber into a USB port

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 13:22, archived)

BPD, it's easy as 2-16-4

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 12:42, archived)

This made me laugh so loud that it scared the cat

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 12:44, archived)

oh no

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 16:30, archived)

I've just got the joke

(sticklebrlcks that's Mr Bricks to you 🍎, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 19:40, archived)

I'm genuinely sorry I've written it

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 20:00, archived)

-18 lol

( MiseryCunt, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 21:02, archived)

All out UK
It's a charity that wants to get anti-trans laws changed
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 12:35, archived)

Bit rudeí

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 3 Jul 2024, 13:04, archived)

Not nearly rude enough, beepeedee
Not nearly rude enough for you
I hope you take it personally
Fuck you, beepeedee, fuck you
( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 13:06, archived)

Harsh.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 3 Jul 2024, 13:07, archived)

think it was brb to be honest
it's your money, do what you want with it
I couldn't give a fuck
(sticklebrlcks that's Mr Bricks to you 🍎, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 13:15, archived)

Yeah that wasn't me you fucking stupid fucking cunt

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 3 Jul 2024, 13:24, archived)

I thought brb was your sock?

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 13:49, archived)

it's his dobber

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 13:56, archived)

it's pronounced "dibber" in the garden

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 14:00, archived)

is that true?

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 14:01, archived)

Meaty oligarch frenzy at Heathrow Arrivals

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 14:14, archived)

Initially

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 15:16, archived)

so you're buying attention now?

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 13:59, archived)

they call him 'Britain Bou'
/ac
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 14:00, archived)

that big cat charity please

( MiseryCunt, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 15:02, archived)

fucking lol

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 15:17, archived)

Con servative and Labour have destroyed the UK. Search and watch 'Farage: Lockdowns were Britain’s biggest ever peacetime mistake
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 15:21, archived)

what a colossal fucking dobber

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 15:25, archived)

Bonnevilles and Spitfires are only £50?
£50 won't make much of a difference to many of the larger charities but might do some lasting good for local beach/woodland litter pickers or similar environmentalist groups.

Alternatively you could spend it all on charity shop vinyl, then resell as ebay charity auctions.

Or you could buy a load of ebay charity auction stuff and donate it all to your local charity shops.
( brb Monkhouse Stampede, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 15:22, archived)

Contribute to tall awareness.
tall.org/
(Oooh_cuntroversial Where have I been?, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 16:28, archived)

Thanks to you and your generosity, and the growth of our investments, the TCI Foundation & Tall Clubs International have awarded this year 23 scholarships to well deserving students from across North America.
All tall cunts, what are the odds
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 16:31, archived)

Are you tall? Have you ever been made fun of for being a freakish, shambling abortion whose unnatural gangling limbs should never have trod Gods green earth? Then donate to Tall clubs international foundation, just £30 will pay for knee shoes and calf straps so you can pretend you're not a fucking monster for once.
(Oooh_cuntroversial Where have I been?, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 16:33, archived)

Alright ocsp you weirdo

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 3 Jul 2024, 16:41, archived)

Alright beeps. What's it like being Scottish?
(Oooh_cuntroversial Where have I been?, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 16:44, archived)

Bit up and down really. Worst thing is the shithead neighbours.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 3 Jul 2024, 16:46, archived)

Well really, how uncouth.
(Oooh_cuntroversial Where have I been?, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 16:50, archived)

afternoon, bellend's
what a gwan?
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 12:00, archived)

going to rustle up a karahi chicken* in a bit as I am off today


*not a euphemism
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 12:01, archived)

I need a shower
But I just ate and don't want to move
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 12:33, archived)

( ´･ω･)っ✂╰⋃╯

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 2 Jul 2024, 22:16, archived)

mohel brirr
If your name was mr hossible it'd be an anagram of mohel briss
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 6:21, archived)

morning

( MiseryCunt, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 6:48, archived)

Morning bollocks

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 9:13, archived)

morning

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 3 Jul 2024, 7:57, archived)

Fuck you, beepeedee. Fuck you.

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 9:13, archived)

Are you sure you're a real doctor?

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 9:14, archived)

I'm piecing together a holistic puzzle.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 3 Jul 2024, 9:16, archived)

Yeah I think so

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 9:58, archived)

if you say it on here often enough, you manifest yourself into a real doctor.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 10:31, archived)

then you can time travel

( MiseryCunt, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 10:42, archived)

arseboon dilbaro

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 10:54, archived)

One more sleeps till election
woo yay!
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 9:51, archived)

Lol election

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 9:59, archived)

i have beer
lovely beer
( MiseryCunt, Tue 2 Jul 2024, 16:07, archived)

I just don't think anecdotes are your forte.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 2 Jul 2024, 16:11, archived)

i think you're right
*slurp*
( MiseryCunt, Tue 2 Jul 2024, 16:14, archived)

I have pants
They are rather nice tbh
(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Tue 2 Jul 2024, 16:35, archived)

i tried wearing pants but tbh i prefer studded briefs

( MiseryCunt, Tue 2 Jul 2024, 16:50, archived)

at Cambridge?

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Tue 2 Jul 2024, 19:19, archived)

fuck you all

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Tue 2 Jul 2024, 20:58, archived)

Bollocks

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 2 Jul 2024, 21:06, archived)

home drinking is killing public (houses)

( Dick Wonder ₐ wₒₙₖy, wₐᵥy wₒₙdₑᵣ, Tue 2 Jul 2024, 16:47, archived)

no. overpriced pints are doing that.

( MiseryCunt, Tue 2 Jul 2024, 16:51, archived)

True
A month ago I paid £6.50 for a Guinness and I'm still upset about it
( Dick Wonder ₐ wₒₙₖy, wₐᵥy wₒₙdₑᵣ, Tue 2 Jul 2024, 17:01, archived)

over a fiver seems to be the norm around here and i just don't like going out enough to pay it
and my driving goes to shit after six or seven as well
( MiseryCunt, Tue 2 Jul 2024, 17:04, archived)

alright Justin Timberlake

( Dick Wonder ₐ wₒₙₖy, wₐᵥy wₒₙdₑᵣ, Tue 2 Jul 2024, 17:55, archived)

cry me a red stripe

( MiseryCunt, Tue 2 Jul 2024, 18:04, archived)

LOL
Get the Britneys in son
(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Tue 2 Jul 2024, 18:18, archived)

oops i did it again

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Tue 2 Jul 2024, 19:18, archived)

Don't have too many beers please
I wouldn't want you to get intoxicated
(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Tue 2 Jul 2024, 19:38, archived)

fuck sake

( MiseryCunt, Tue 2 Jul 2024, 19:47, archived)

That shit is grim, stick to the beers

( Dick Wonder ₐ wₒₙₖy, wₐᵥy wₒₙdₑᵣ, Tue 2 Jul 2024, 19:50, archived)

said britney spears

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Tue 2 Jul 2024, 20:33, archived)

I dislike beer

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Tue 2 Jul 2024, 18:28, archived)

it's quite a popular beverage

( MiseryCunt, Tue 2 Jul 2024, 18:30, archived)

Other alcoholic beverages
Are an option. I believe you are partial to the occasional gin!
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Tue 2 Jul 2024, 19:08, archived)

do you mean she buys litre bottles and polishes them off by midnight?

( MiseryCunt, Tue 2 Jul 2024, 19:09, archived)

all occasional gins occasionally taste the same

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Tue 2 Jul 2024, 19:17, archived)

gin tastes nasty imo

( MiseryCunt, Tue 2 Jul 2024, 19:20, archived)

I quite like a shot of gin over ice

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Tue 2 Jul 2024, 19:23, archived)

NO YOU DO NOT

( MiseryCunt, Tue 2 Jul 2024, 19:27, archived)

I do indeed

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Wed 3 Jul 2024, 7:54, archived)

Escape From Planet Of The Bollocks, starring Derek Nimmo

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Tue 2 Jul 2024, 19:15, archived)

Derek Nullo, more like!

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 2 Jul 2024, 19:17, archived)

no that's wrong it's Nimmo ok

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Tue 2 Jul 2024, 19:18, archived)

Not any more, he's a nullo now

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 2 Jul 2024, 19:20, archived)

poem time
"Not any more, he's a nullo now"
Said beepeedee, the stupid cow.
You're shitter than Derek Nimmo's poo
Fuck you, beepeedee. Fuck you.
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Tue 2 Jul 2024, 21:01, archived)

I'm clicking this like a masturbating bonobo

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 2 Jul 2024, 21:08, archived)

Oh beepeedee went to knob a camel
He lifted his enormous gunt
It kicked him in the face and chipped his enamel
The fucking stupid fucking cunt
( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 2 Jul 2024, 21:12, archived)

👍🏻👍🏻

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Tue 2 Jul 2024, 21:56, archived)

Round about now Since they say I am the sexiest man in Jamaica And the girls love me And I shall never grow old

( mongychops, Tue 2 Jul 2024, 19:43, archived)

i'll drink to that

( MiseryCunt, Tue 2 Jul 2024, 19:47, archived)

afternoon

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 2 Jul 2024, 13:41, archived)

Bollocks

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 2 Jul 2024, 13:51, archived)

Bollocs

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 2 Jul 2024, 13:52, archived)

And my axe

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 2 Jul 2024, 13:53, archived)

I am nooo get ‘rona+
Is good
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Tue 2 Jul 2024, 14:09, archived)

Oh you'd just love that wouldn't you?
Fine then, go ahead, SEE IF I CARE.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 2 Jul 2024, 14:15, archived)

Get About From My Bollocks, starring Tim Brook-Taylor

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Tue 2 Jul 2024, 15:44, archived)

That's no way to talk about Bill Oddie oh no wait carry on

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Tue 2 Jul 2024, 15:57, archived)

What's rude about a body?

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 2 Jul 2024, 16:11, archived)

morning

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 2 Jul 2024, 6:54, archived)

last day of work for me
2 days off tomorrow!
(sticklebrlcks that's Mr Bricks to you 🍎, Tue 2 Jul 2024, 7:05, archived)

you can't have 2 days off tomorrow that's impossible you big fat liar

( MiseryCunt, Tue 2 Jul 2024, 7:33, archived)

I can
they're extra concentrated
(sticklebrlcks that's Mr Bricks to you 🍎, Tue 2 Jul 2024, 7:40, archived)

oh very nice

( MiseryCunt, Tue 2 Jul 2024, 7:45, archived)

He's lying, on the Internet, don't fall for it.

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Tue 2 Jul 2024, 12:51, archived)

if you remove the seconds you can collapse the minutes, the hours just fold up and you can get two days into one, FACT

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Tue 2 Jul 2024, 19:21, archived)

You put socks on before your pants, don't you?

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 2 Jul 2024, 7:42, archived)

so does everyone
i like to kiss my willy good morning
( MiseryCunt, Tue 2 Jul 2024, 7:46, archived)

PANTS FIRST THEN SOCKS

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 2 Jul 2024, 7:50, archived)

I actually put my tshirt and jumper on first this morning
I very briefly felt like Winnie the Pooh
(sticklebrlcks that's Mr Bricks to you 🍎, Tue 2 Jul 2024, 8:18, archived)

A lazy strikey-g to change 'Winnie the' to 'a'.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 2 Jul 2024, 8:20, archived)

-my tshirt and jumper +a petrol soaked burning tyre
-first +my political rival

-the Pooh +Mandela
(sticklebrlcks that's Mr Bricks to you 🍎, Tue 2 Jul 2024, 8:30, archived)

My willy enjoys a kiss
Unfortunately I can't reach
(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Tue 2 Jul 2024, 8:40, archived)

you are a willy, m8

(sticklebrlcks that's Mr Bricks to you 🍎, Tue 2 Jul 2024, 8:49, archived)

Yep

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Tue 2 Jul 2024, 9:05, archived)

Alright you fucking cunt bastard spastic horse slasher cunt twat fucking shitcunt fuckhead faggots?

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 23:21, archived)

Bollocks

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 23:24, archived)

Bollocks it is 👍🏻

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 23:32, archived)

thank you sir may i have another

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 23:32, archived)

Bollocks

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 23:43, archived)

Still no gravy

( brb Monkhouse Stampede, Tue 2 Jul 2024, 0:35, archived)

Bollocks

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 2 Jul 2024, 0:46, archived)

KISS MY SHINY BELLEND YOU DOBBERS

(sticklebricks, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 19:25, archived)

Tits first I'm not a slag.

( mongychops, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 20:13, archived)

i'm voting Tits First
are you?
( MiseryCunt, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 20:20, archived)

(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Mon 1 Jul 2024, 22:24, archived)

Bollocks

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 23:20, archived)

DIAGNOSIS: Zoon's balanitis + Antisocial Personality Disorder
You're welcome
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 21:32, archived)

Twins ?

( mongychops, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 22:59, archived)

You are truly the last aptly named person ever to use this site.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 1 Jul 2024, 21:49, archived)

I've just sold someone's house!
I'm accepting an offer of £250k. Seems mad to be making decisions on such huge sums when it's nothing to do with my own money. Still, managed to talk up the buyer by £10k on their original offer so pretty pleased.

Have you driven any hard bargains recently?
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 16:02, archived)

LOL hard

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 1 Jul 2024, 16:26, archived)

Like a stiffy
Lol stiffy
(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 17:15, archived)

piss off

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 1 Jul 2024, 17:18, archived)

Bit rudeĺ

(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 17:19, archived)

Not rudeí enough

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 1 Jul 2024, 17:20, archived)

Rudeì gonna fail

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 1 Jul 2024, 18:53, archived)

A message to you rudeí

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 1 Jul 2024, 18:54, archived)

Cor, have I!

( $$ ✅, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 16:53, archived)

Cor blimey

(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 17:20, archived)

I buy very little these days we seem to be ok for stuff
I am looking for a bike/car as a do up Summer project
Been looking at either a Bonneville or a Spitfire
Car not the plane sadly
(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 17:19, archived)

Why don't you use that money to do something good instead?

( brb Monkhouse Stampede, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 17:54, archived)

Like?
Fake donkey sanctuary?
Homeless charity that pay their CEOs silly amounts of salary?
I'd rather spend it on something I enjoy ta xxxx
(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 18:07, archived)

So you definitely don't enjoy doing anything good?
And those are the only two options?

You seem like some sort of stunted weirdo cynical nihilist twat. No offence.
( brb Monkhouse Stampede, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 19:08, archived)

christ brb is a sanctimonious twat

(sticklebrlcks that's Mr Bricks to you 🍎, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 18:16, archived)

is that bellend still kicking about?

( MiseryCunt, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 18:45, archived)

nice one, I bet it's a relief
any more stuff to do before you can put all this to bed?
(sticklebrlcks that's Mr Bricks to you 🍎, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 18:14, archived)

Well, the sale has to go through yet
and I can't sign off on the seller's statement as I know fuck all about the property so I expect the buyers to ask for a discount before the contracts are exchanged. If it's £10k or less I'll accept it, if it's more than that I'll just put the fucking place out to auction. Sod the lot of them.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Tue 2 Jul 2024, 10:52, archived)

sounds well shit mate
yeah take 10-15 less if needed, it's not like it's you out of pocket
(sticklebrlcks that's Mr Bricks to you 🍎, Tue 2 Jul 2024, 12:03, archived)

Not as such
But since I booked my holiday last year, the hotel has been completely renovated and is now a four star. I went on their website and the holiday I have already paid for is now £200 more than I paid. Definitely got a bargain there.
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 19:36, archived)

I have had the first lie in, in ages
Absolutely belting
Have I missed anything?
And why is something good referred to as belting?
(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 10:18, archived)

I managed to get a decent night's sleep as well
must have been a good eight hours.

I still have to sleep in a kind of pillow nest to support the broken shoulder, but two weeks in it's healed enough that I'm not in pain and getting quite a bit of mobility back now. The covid's much improved too.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 10:59, archived)

is this your third bout of covid?

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 11:15, archived)

Second
I got it two years ago. Unpleasant but no worse than a bad cold. This time it's been a bit milder, I'd say. A few days of nasty cough but cold/flu pills helped with the worst.

Not sure if I'm still showing up, I'm not wasting a test. I don't need to go out so why bother?
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 11:20, archived)

You obviously haven't had enough vaccines, you silly billy.
Ask your GP for ten more at once to make up for it.
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 15:03, archived)

How is life at Queef House?

(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 11:30, archived)

pretty fucking shit tbh

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 11:47, archived)

Oh dear :(

(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 12:11, archived)

U OK hun?
(Serious q. there actually)
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 1 Jul 2024, 13:21, archived)

yeah just down in the dumps
been through so much shit over the past few years and I think it's caught up with me at last
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 13:56, archived)

Got to that point a couple of years ago. Counselling has helped, would recommend it if not already tried.

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 14:15, archived)

i had a counsellor
it was great i just can't add up anymore.

(she sold all my counts)
( MiseryCunt, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 16:13, archived)

You fucking stupid fucking cunt

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 21:34, archived)

Sorry to hear that.
I know you've been through a lot what with your brother, your old boss you liked, and so on.
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 1 Jul 2024, 17:28, archived)

my shoulder hurts like fork too :(

( MiseryCunt, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 11:19, archived)

I've got some exercise bands
have set up the weakest one so I can try to ease the muscles back into use with very, very light resistance training. I've been through this before and doing regular tiny activities now will make things much easier in the long term.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 11:25, archived)

Just take it very easy eh?

(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 11:28, archived)

Yep

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 12:08, archived)

You are the weakest band, GOODBYE

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 1 Jul 2024, 11:31, archived)

You are an &
GOODBYE
(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 11:45, archived)

job is physical so it's not getting a lot of rest
Unfortunately
( MiseryCunt, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 11:31, archived)

Do you need some interesting drugs for your shoulder?

(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 11:29, archived)

yes please

( MiseryCunt, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 11:31, archived)

White Lightning and Lemsip?

(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 11:43, archived)

Don't be ridiculous
It's vodka with lemsip
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 12:52, archived)

Well it is beer o'clock for me \0/

(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 12:59, archived)

Best act at Glastonbury this year, definitely

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 13:20, archived)

They are no Dexys tbh

(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 13:50, archived)

Because it has the clear, resonant ringing sound
of a bell going 'ting'
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 13:21, archived)

Ting Tings
What was the point?
(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 13:49, archived)

morning?

(sticklebrlcks that's Mr Bricks to you 🍎, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 6:32, archived)

something about Garfield?

(sticklebrlcks that's Mr Bricks to you 🍎, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 6:33, archived)

i hate garfields

( MiseryCunt, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 6:45, archived)

Boomtown Rats then?

(sticklebrlcks that's Mr Bricks to you 🍎, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 6:49, archived)

sorry i meant mondays

( MiseryCunt, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 6:54, archived)

you monday garfields?

(sticklebrlcks that's Mr Bricks to you 🍎, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 7:05, archived)

kinky eh

( MiseryCunt, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 7:08, archived)

he died :(

(sticklebrlcks that's Mr Bricks to you 🍎, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 7:14, archived)

jim davis? aww.
i liked him as that ginger moggy. he was good.
( MiseryCunt, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 7:18, archived)

I meant Kinky Friedman
but I think your guy was best on Big Break
(sticklebrlcks that's Mr Bricks to you 🍎, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 7:20, archived)

fuck off then

(sticklebrlcks that's Mr Bricks to you 🍎, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 8:41, archived)

i had to go to work

( MiseryCunt, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 17:05, archived)

Morning indeed

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 8:46, archived)

alright

(sticklebrlcks that's Mr Bricks to you 🍎, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 9:16, archived)

Football, bloody hell

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sun 30 Jun 2024, 19:39, archived)

I have a firm stem just thinking about it

( $$ ✅, Sun 30 Jun 2024, 19:44, archived)

You're thinking about it too hard

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sun 30 Jun 2024, 19:46, archived)

I've got £4,000 on Georgia to beat Spain

( $$ ✅, Sun 30 Jun 2024, 20:02, archived)

Cash out now

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Sun 30 Jun 2024, 20:32, archived)

2 - 1 Georgia

( mongychops, Sun 30 Jun 2024, 20:38, archived)

Don't tell them, it's a lot of pressure

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sun 30 Jun 2024, 21:39, archived)

^chuckle
( MiseryCunt, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 7:13, archived)

Each way?

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sun 30 Jun 2024, 21:40, archived)

double entendre

( MiseryCunt, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 7:12, archived)

i like that they're playing football in honour of pride month

( MiseryCunt, Sun 30 Jun 2024, 20:03, archived)

striking balls

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 1:00, archived)

thank you

( MiseryCunt, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 20:04, archived)

SOCCER! fuck yeah!

( Dick Wonder ₐ wₒₙₖy, wₐᵥy wₒₙdₑᵣ, Sun 30 Jun 2024, 20:10, archived)

Get your cleats on and let's get the first quarter started!

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sun 30 Jun 2024, 21:41, archived)

Watching Janelle Monae at Glastonbury
Dressed up like a frontbottom doing a special snatchdance. Very interesting.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Sun 30 Jun 2024, 20:28, archived)

That's me, with my beard, chewing gum

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sun 30 Jun 2024, 21:41, archived)

Football is bullshit
Massively overpaid "athletes" kicking a ball around for 90 minutes. Fucking spare me.
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Sun 30 Jun 2024, 20:46, archived)

*spares you*

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sun 30 Jun 2024, 21:13, archived)

Tea The All-Merciful

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 1 Jul 2024, 0:58, archived)

NIPPLES

(sticklebricks, Sun 30 Jun 2024, 18:33, archived)

bollocks

( MiseryCunt, Sun 30 Jun 2024, 18:35, archived)

I only keep mine in case I become king of Ireland.

( brb Monkhouse Stampede, Sun 30 Jun 2024, 20:08, archived)

i thought i had a hair or something in my eye so i fiddled with it
now it feels like i have an angry cat in my eye.
( MiseryCunt, Sun 30 Jun 2024, 16:57, archived)

well done, you've irritated your cornea
that's going to sting and water like fuck for a good 2 hours
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 30 Jun 2024, 17:03, archived)

i just got a stringy globbler out tho
i'm calling it a success
( MiseryCunt, Sun 30 Jun 2024, 17:05, archived)

getting eye bogies out is satisfying
but is it worth it?
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 30 Jun 2024, 17:05, archived)

it is if the grain of sand feeling fucks off

( MiseryCunt, Sun 30 Jun 2024, 17:07, archived)

you just have to make it worse before you make it better

( MiseryCunt, Sun 30 Jun 2024, 17:07, archived)

mine make themselves worse
by drying out while I'm asleep. that fucking hurts.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 30 Jun 2024, 17:13, archived)

have you tried sleeping underwater?

( MiseryCunt, Sun 30 Jun 2024, 17:17, archived)

shit. are you trying it now?

( MiseryCunt, Sun 30 Jun 2024, 18:10, archived)

alright Luca Brasi

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Sun 30 Jun 2024, 18:11, archived)

no comment

( MiseryCunt, Sun 30 Jun 2024, 18:13, archived)

It is difficult to comment while you're being garotted, fair enough

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Sun 30 Jun 2024, 18:57, archived)

wiv da anglers

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sun 30 Jun 2024, 19:41, archived)

oh no
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Sun 30 Jun 2024, 20:15, archived)

I can't breathe underwater
I wasn't attempting to, I just had to put my phone down and help clean shit off the baby, the floor and the couch.
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Sun 30 Jun 2024, 18:16, archived)

you need to eat better

( MiseryCunt, Sun 30 Jun 2024, 18:24, archived)

it wasn't my shit
nappy explosion
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 30 Jun 2024, 18:28, archived)

buy better nappies?
shit nappies are terrible for exploding
( MiseryCunt, Sun 30 Jun 2024, 18:28, archived)

This is why I replaced my eyeballs with glass eyes
Pop em out, rinse under tap, job done!
( Dick Wonder ₐ wₒₙₖy, wₐᵥy wₒₙdₑᵣ, Sun 30 Jun 2024, 18:12, archived)

aye aye sir

( MiseryCunt, Sun 30 Jun 2024, 18:26, archived)

Happy Asteriod Day 2024
Which is your favourite asteroid and why?

alt: which is your least favourite asteroid and why?
( brb Monkhouse Stampede, Sun 30 Jun 2024, 15:20, archived)

Bennu
I like the name
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Sun 30 Jun 2024, 15:38, archived)

𓅣
16 Psyche for me because its METAL. 🤘
( brb Monkhouse Stampede, Sun 30 Jun 2024, 15:59, archived)

Elongated Muskrat wants to mine the ore from it
I hope he fucking implodes in space
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 30 Jun 2024, 17:05, archived)

I hope he succeeds
and the cataclysmic disruption of the global economy signals the final end of capitalism and the start of a post-scarcity utopia.
( brb Monkhouse Stampede, Sun 30 Jun 2024, 17:56, archived)

Idk
International Space Station?
(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Sun 30 Jun 2024, 16:17, archived)

Rocky McRockface.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sun 30 Jun 2024, 16:28, archived)

Hard to say, I've never met an asteroid

( Dick Wonder ₐ wₒₙₖy, wₐᵥy wₒₙdₑᵣ, Sun 30 Jun 2024, 18:10, archived)

That you know of.

( brb Monkhouse Stampede, Sun 30 Jun 2024, 20:07, archived)