If it's new threads ye want, ye shall ha' em, by God!
Srsly, brb, I thought it was a faux pas to post a new thread too soon after the old one?
( Invisible Wizard - 10th Level Nerf-herder, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 15:58, archived)

brb has all the best posters on ignore so he can't see my threads

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 20 Dec 2024, 16:01, archived)

Cool, I could do with some new threads.

( .Yeti., Fri 20 Dec 2024, 16:04, archived)

This is dangerously close to a threadrush

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 16:08, archived)

Srsly, Fuck off
( MiseryCunt i simply must wipe my arse on a teddy bear, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 16:16, archived)

BIG FAT BOLLOCKS

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 16:19, archived)

HOORAY FOR BIG FAT BOLLOCKS
DO DO DE DO DO DO DE DO
( MiseryCunt i simply must wipe my arse on a teddy bear, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 16:40, archived)

I forgot about that cunt!! You've ruined Christmas!!
Just logged out to see what tripe he is spouting now... for an 'intelligent' person, he states RIP in peace?? What do you think the IP stands for you spacker, you can't say Hitler!
(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Fri 20 Dec 2024, 16:44, archived)

Iptler!
i think rip in peace is an old talk meme tho
( MiseryCunt i simply must wipe my arse on a teddy bear, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 16:46, archived)

Well don't I feel a bloody fool
:(
(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Fri 20 Dec 2024, 16:50, archived)

:(

( MiseryCunt i simply must wipe my arse on a teddy bear, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 16:53, archived)

Complains I am unitelligent
proceeds to log out to read posts, ignorant of the right click menu in his own browser, Trouser.
( brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 17:18, archived)

I like this

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 18:18, archived)

How does Miles Davis like his steak?
Kind of blue!!!
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 20 Dec 2024, 17:04, archived)

Washed down with a flagon of Bitches Brew

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 17:13, archived)

Yes, more threads by fewer racists, please.

( brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 17:18, archived)

This would appear to be at odds with your repeatedly stated aim of killing this place.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 18:46, archived)

You may question my tactics and logic,
but you can't question my results.
( brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 19:00, archived)

Without a control messageboard you haven't tried to destroy, your results are meaningless.
Oh no wait, there are. /board and /links have been withering and dying for years too, so there's no good evidence that you're any more effective than a placebo.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 19:39, archived)

A 20% fall isn't insignificant, even if you're too thick to recognise meaning.
I think I'm more effective than post-2003 Placebo.
( brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 20:01, archived)

It's not the significance I'm questioning,
it's whether you actually had any causal effect. I doubt it, and you have a penchant for self-aggramdisement so your assessment is too tainted by bias to be reliable.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Sat 21 Dec 2024, 9:00, archived)

...are you mohafa?
I assume most people get my jokes, except mohafa. And I thought I'd got rid of him.
( brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Sat 21 Dec 2024, 15:14, archived)

lol

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 21 Dec 2024, 16:16, archived)

God damn it.

( brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Sat 21 Dec 2024, 17:59, archived)

Seriously though, if the same 3 dull cunts on my ignore list are the only ones left posting new threads here
then this place is already dead.

RIP in peace /talk. You were toxic and shit.
( brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 15:15, archived)

If you're going to flounce, do it quietly.
Otherwise you're no better than that moron from South Africa who keeps coming back like herpes does. Or so I've heard. I wouldn't know, of course.

I don't know what your problem is with /talk, it's been roughly the same low standard for more than 20 years now. If you're only just realising that then maybe the shittiness was within you all along.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 15:29, archived)

Perhaps the real shitness was the friends we made along the way?

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Fri 20 Dec 2024, 16:10, archived)

Friends?

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 16:19, archived)

Over the years I have come to regard you all as people I met.

( brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 17:13, archived)

Fuck off brb

( MiseryCunt i simply must wipe my arse on a teddy bear, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 17:15, archived)

MORE THREADS FOR US, AARDVARK! <3

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 17:05, archived)

You don't seem to understand the concept of flouncing
despite having been a b3tan for quite some time.
( brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 17:10, archived)

You were talking like you were building up to a flounce
but then you didn’t flounce, and now I have to try to pretend I’m not disappointed.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 17:47, archived)

My posts have such emotional intensity, I know.

( brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 19:07, archived)

he just wants a reaction
put the little cunt on ignore and move on
(sticklebricks link in bio ❤️🌟❤️, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 19:32, archived)

Feel free to fuck off and never come back :-)

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 17:04, archived)

Cheers, Trouser.

( brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 17:10, archived)

afternoon

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 20 Dec 2024, 13:25, archived)

I'm feeling better today after a written off week
now mrs smegwin is feeling ill

eff eff ess
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 13:36, archived)

I've had a couple of cheeky ports lol

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 20 Dec 2024, 14:19, archived)

le havre and st malo always seemed a bit risqué

(sticklebricks link in bio ❤️🌟❤️, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 14:38, archived)

That's nothing compared to Hong Kong

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 16:20, archived)

I'll bet you have m8
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stephen_Port
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 14:58, archived)

He's dreamy innee

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 20 Dec 2024, 15:39, archived)

Alien:Isolation and Skyrim are supposed to be the best Switch ports.

( .Yeti., Fri 20 Dec 2024, 15:53, archived)

I caned skyrim (lol rim) on the xbox and have no intention of playing it again
Didn't like Isolation when it was on Game Pass.

If I hadn't already played both Ori games on xbox I'd get that on switch.

I reckon nintendo consoles are for their first party stuff anyway.
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 20 Dec 2024, 16:00, archived)

The Ori games are amazing tho.

( .Yeti., Fri 20 Dec 2024, 16:03, archived)

Yeah, beautiful graphics but absolutely nails
But as per skyrim, no intention of playing again from scratch.
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 20 Dec 2024, 16:07, archived)

nails?

( MiseryCunt i simply must wipe my arse on a teddy bear, Sat 21 Dec 2024, 11:24, archived)

alien isolation is too scarwie for me

( MiseryCunt i simply must wipe my arse on a teddy bear, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 16:50, archived)

found out I'm working new year's eve :(

(sticklebricks link in bio ❤️🌟❤️, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 14:37, archived)

new year's eve is shite anyway m8
I'm going to go out for a nice lunch then peg it home before all the wankers come out
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 14:58, archived)

peg lol

( Cheers Cheers, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 15:06, archived)

...then log on to /chat to avoid interacting with wankers

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 20 Dec 2024, 15:36, archived)

LOL log

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 20 Dec 2024, 15:36, archived)

me too son. me too.

( MiseryCunt i simply must wipe my arse on a teddy bear, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 16:41, archived)

Afternoon
That’s me finished for crimbs, might have some nommy nommy nom noms

god I hate myself for that
( Cheers Cheers, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 15:08, archived)

Nommy nommy nom noms
Chrimble power!
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 20 Dec 2024, 15:37, archived)

hola smeg-lord's
it's the most, wonderful time, of the year

not really lol
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 10:47, archived)

Smegnog

*klaxon etc*
( Cheers Cheers, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 11:05, archived)

alright, just treated myself to a Switch OLED

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 20 Dec 2024, 11:07, archived)

I see you as more of a sub TBH.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 11:18, archived)

I'm a power bottom m8

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 20 Dec 2024, 11:20, archived)

If this is your first Switch I can offer some game recommendations.
If it's just an upgrade from an older model, you don't need my help and you can fuck off or something, I don't know.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 11:32, archived)

It is indeed my first Switch, but I know my gaming onions so don't need any recommendations.
Thanks though.

Ordered Metroid Prime remastered, when the console arrives I'll get Mario Kart 8, plus the Advance Wars reissue. Further down the line will get both Zeldas, and Metroid Dread.
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 20 Dec 2024, 11:40, archived)

Bin them all and get Slay the Spire.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 11:42, archived)

oh my fucking god yes
and the dlc
( MiseryCunt i simply must wipe my arse on a teddy bear, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 16:50, archived)

Yep, that should keep you happy for a long time. You clearly do know your onions.
Both Zeldas are amazing and will get you 100 hours or more of gameplay each. I recommend BotW first, and not playing them back-to-back or it might get too repetitive. So get BotW now, is what I'm saying.

Also Mario Odyssey is an absolute belter.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 11:46, archived)

Yeah, Breath of the Wild once I've finished Metroid Prime
Hopefully Switch games will get cheaper once the Switch 2 comes out.
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 20 Dec 2024, 11:50, archived)

alright, just treated myself to a Switch people are you re-eady? Bo! +
www.youtube.com/watch?v=TxiKw5bPmto&ab_channel=DISCOANONYMOUS
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 13:35, archived)

Oled Jones

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 20 Dec 2024, 14:19, archived)

Gary Oledman

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 16:21, archived)

Hello

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 13:46, archived)

hello smashywashiewoo

( MiseryCunt i simply must wipe my arse on a teddy bear, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 16:54, archived)

morning

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 20 Dec 2024, 7:39, archived)

morning
Last day at work before the crimble hollibobs
( Cheers Cheers, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 7:59, archived)

That's you on Santa's naughty list for the rest of time.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 8:08, archived)

It’s what I deserve to be fair

( Cheers Cheers, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 8:09, archived)

I'm in for a half day on monday, then it's a lash up at Trotter's Bar.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 20 Dec 2024, 8:32, archived)

Don’t forget to make a face

( Cheers Cheers, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 8:38, archived)

morning festive fridays

( broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 8:02, archived)

Last day at work woo yay!!!

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 9:00, archived)

bollocks

( MiseryCunt i simply must wipe my arse on a teddy bear, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 9:10, archived)

Fucking hell! I got a redirected letter through yesterday
addressed to my deceased friend. It was from Royal London Insurance complaining that her policy was nearly £2k in arrears. This is the first I've heard about her policy - no paperwork in among her things, no communications until now, two years after she died.

Anyway. Called them up, she only had a fucking life insurance policy!!! Christ, her unplesant family are lucky cunts. I have no idea how much will be coming in but it looks like 2025 is going to be a good year for some rather horrible people.

Don't think I wasn't tempted to just pocked the money, I mean, seriously, nobody would know, but we'd be talking serious prison time for that kind of thing. I called the solicitors straight away to let them know so as to stop me being tempted when the cheque arrives!
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 9:29, archived)

How long ago did she die?

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 20 Dec 2024, 9:51, archived)

Two years now, but the policy was probaby up to date at the time of her death
I suspect she took out the policy when she remortgaged - they often ask for proof there's enough to cover the debt in case of death. If it was all done online that's why there wasn't any paperwork for me to find. I have no idea. I'll put in a claim and see what turns up.

It was fucking tempting to bin the letter in a fuck you to the rude cunts the money would go to. Nobody woud have ever known, but one of the beneficiaries has been polite to me so I'll do right by her.

I recon each one will get a five-figure bonus because of this, even after tax.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 9:58, archived)

If it was paid up at time of death, and cause of death was within policy conditions then it should pay out.
Protection isn't really something I deal with much, rich people don't tend to need it.
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 20 Dec 2024, 11:05, archived)

There should be a 'Claims may be forfeited in the event of egregious cuntery' clause.

( .Yeti., Fri 20 Dec 2024, 10:05, archived)

The lovely woman at the solicitors was indignant! She said that I deserved the money for all the work I've done, we laughed, but it was a bit close to the bone!
They deal with quite a lot of difficult people but she told me even they are astonished at how awful my friend's family has been behaving. That they're getting EVEN MORE MONEY is a direct challenge to karma itself.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 10:33, archived)

I mean, life is just as full of idiots and arseholes who are immensely successful and have done nothing to deserve it
as it is full of decent people who are screwed over at every turn.
( .Yeti., Fri 20 Dec 2024, 10:37, archived)

Yeah, but I'm not usually such a clear and transparent conduit for the activity
I contacted an insurance company and have set in place a claim for tens, possibly hundreds of thousands of pounds that I'll pass directly over to a bunch of people who loathe me and I detest (well, two of the three - one of them has been perfectly civil to me and actually shown some gratitute for the hours of free work I've done).

The only thing that's made me feel like I'm doing something constructive is the knowledge that the 40% inheritance tax will go towards the greater good. AND that the beneficiaries are spitting nails that there is tax to pay on the estate so that's doubly good!
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 11:05, archived)

If the policy was in trust then there probably won't be any inheritance tax to pay
Soz to burst your bubble.
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 20 Dec 2024, 11:06, archived)

Nop. I ased and whilt they could not tell me how much the policy was for
it wasn't in trust - there were no named beneficiaries. I asked that straight away because I'm not wasting my time sorting out any funds that don't become part of the estate.

I learned that early on.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 11:18, archived)

Fair, bad planning tho for it not to be in trust

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 20 Dec 2024, 11:21, archived)

Yeah, so many people don't realise it's something *anyone* can do, so they get mad at "rich people" for it.
It's a matter of education really. Sad.
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 11:32, archived)

Some knob on here wondered how it was possible to have got like 6% growth or something in a pension
When you can't get that from cash.
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 20 Dec 2024, 11:36, archived)

...one of my pension funds has gone up 8% since March.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 20 Dec 2024, 11:41, archived)

Indeed!

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 11:55, archived)

That one's heavily invested in US tech stocks and korean superconductors etc
There's no way Microsoft, Visa, Nvidia, and Applied Materials are going to go tits up.
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 20 Dec 2024, 11:59, archived)

Mine's sitting at around £20bn, 107% over-funded. Excellent.

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sat 21 Dec 2024, 13:41, archived)

I don't think she gave a fuck, to be honest
and I can't blame her. She wasn't close to her family and she had no dependents or partner so why bother? If I were her I'd have cancelled the insurance immediately after getting the mortgage.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 11:54, archived)

Single people don't need term assurance
If they die with an outstanding mortgage the lender will just take possession and sell it. Remaining funds would go to estate.
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 20 Dec 2024, 11:56, archived)

When I was single and got my mortgage I had to demonstrate it'd be paid in the event of my death
I remember other friends having to do the same. Mortgage companies don't like the idea of the estate being unable to cover the cost of the mortgage which could easily happen if there were other debts, the property had fallen into disrepair etc. I guess it could depend on the lender though.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 12:01, archived)

Depends on the lender
Interest Only mortages have 'sale of property' as a valid capital repayment plan, dunno why C&I ones can't have the same thing.

In any event, like I said, if the borrower dies and there's no TA in place then they just take possession and sell. Easier for all parties for that not to happen, and decreasing term is so cheap it's a no brainer

Still, these things do happen.
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 20 Dec 2024, 12:07, archived)

So, if there are greater claims on the estate than realisation of assets will achieve
how does it work? Wasn't anywhere near an issue with the estate I wound up as the mortgage was £40k, other debts about £6k and we got in £190k from death in service and a further £250k from the sale of the house.

If, say, the property had a mortgage of £200k, but had to be sold for £180k and there were £20k in debts, what happens then? I'm guessing there would be nothing to pay to the beneficiaries but what's the hierarchy of creditors? What if there were legal fees?

I'm just curious.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 13:09, archived)

Dunno

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 20 Dec 2024, 14:20, archived)

Don't worry, they will piss it away most likely, and not truly benefit from it in the long term.

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 11:30, archived)

Of the five siblings only two are still alive
all died relatively young. Not sure if it's bad genes or shit childhool leading to adiction or whatever but I'd not describe any as particularly balanced or pleasant people, apart from my friend who was lovely, buy we kept finding empty wine bottles hidden around the house when we cleared it out, her alcohoism had gotten really bad. One of the beneficiaries didn't stay alive long enough to get any of the money.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 11:58, archived)

Your dad wanks on all fours

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 9:57, archived)

How? You need a hand free so, erm...

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 9:59, archived)

You mean you haven't tried getting on all fours and rubbing your bellend on the floor to get yourself off?
It's called floorking, and everyone's doing it.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 10:17, archived)

I’m floorking as I type this

( Cheers Cheers, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 10:27, archived)

Speech to text, I guess?

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 10:31, archived)

Using my bollocks to type

As opposed to typing bollocks
( Cheers Cheers, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 10:52, archived)

floorking hell

( MiseryCunt i simply must wipe my arse on a teddy bear, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 16:43, archived)

Floor Kings sounds like a b-boy crew, I AM JUST SAYING

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 10:46, archived)

Can they do the helicopter?

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 11:01, archived)

Dunno ask your dad.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 10:32, archived)

Morning

( .Yeti., Fri 20 Dec 2024, 10:05, archived)

Got caught masturbating at work today!
Still, Christmas soon!
(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Thu 19 Dec 2024, 17:11, archived)

alrite Ben Dover

( MiseryCunt i simply must wipe my arse on a teddy bear, Thu 19 Dec 2024, 17:30, archived)

No real Finbar Saunders please

(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Thu 19 Dec 2024, 17:50, archived)

I bought Mariah Carey a vacant plot of land, in the city centre
She said "I don't want a lot for Christmas"
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 19 Dec 2024, 18:08, archived)

Ungrateful cunt

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 19 Dec 2024, 18:08, archived)

You would tho
even at 64, you still would
(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Thu 19 Dec 2024, 18:29, archived)

i'll let you know when i'm 64 m8

( MiseryCunt i simply must wipe my arse on a teddy bear, Thu 19 Dec 2024, 18:33, archived)

Every summer we can rent a cottage on the Isle of Wight if it's not too dear

( mongychops, Thu 19 Dec 2024, 19:33, archived)

Enter into a real estate opportunity?
Yes, I suppose I probably would
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 19 Dec 2024, 20:57, archived)

Cor!
Ban this sick filth!
(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Thu 19 Dec 2024, 21:36, archived)

I bet you'd plough her furrow

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Thu 19 Dec 2024, 21:48, archived)

I don't get it

(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Thu 19 Dec 2024, 22:05, archived)

on her plot of land

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Fri 20 Dec 2024, 7:58, archived)

*blushes*

(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Fri 20 Dec 2024, 8:14, archived)

I got a tub of roses
They would have lasted longer in a vase
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Thu 19 Dec 2024, 18:18, archived)

Awww so you're not a tub girl then?
😳
(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Thu 19 Dec 2024, 18:30, archived)

I'm shitting myself about Christmas, specifically Santa turning up, as I'm claustrophobic

( broadsword now that's fresh, Thu 19 Dec 2024, 18:34, archived)

I'm sorry you've written a joke

(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Thu 19 Dec 2024, 18:35, archived)

Wanking from home?

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 19 Dec 2024, 18:45, archived)

Home with a Gnardon!

(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Thu 19 Dec 2024, 18:48, archived)

Bravo!

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 19 Dec 2024, 21:48, archived)

classic b3ta

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 19 Dec 2024, 12:18, archived)

Sadly these days we're well into the epoch that archaeologists would call "Post-Classical b3ta."
Compare it to, say, the Hellenic phase of ancient Greece or the Toltec civilization in a Mesoamerican context, except with a lot more insults and beakering and no actual achievement as such.
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Thu 19 Dec 2024, 12:31, archived)

H B
ic d
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Thu 19 Dec 2024, 12:43, archived)

Nobody who posts on here has any achievements.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 19 Dec 2024, 12:50, archived)

I went to the toilet all by myself earlier, without any help from anyone
so you take that back.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Thu 19 Dec 2024, 13:06, archived)

I once done a fart so smelly that everyone in the pub looked round

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Thu 19 Dec 2024, 13:17, archived)

Did it refract light creating a radial distortion effect?
(2 Can Chunder - Work account arbeit macht frei!, Thu 19 Dec 2024, 14:51, archived)

No, it came out in giant bubbles

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Thu 19 Dec 2024, 14:54, archived)

I know all the lyrics to 'Holiday Rap' by MC 'Miker' G and DJ Sven

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 19 Dec 2024, 13:25, archived)

I did a spunk and poo came out of my helmit

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 19 Dec 2024, 13:25, archived)

Beware the Wanky Shit Demon

(Brian Wanksmell, Thu 19 Dec 2024, 14:51, archived)

I thought she got banned for trying to doxx people on here?

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Thu 19 Dec 2024, 15:57, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/8433505
( Cheers Cheers, Thu 19 Dec 2024, 15:57, archived)

I’d forgotten about that abomination

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 19 Dec 2024, 15:57, archived)

Jokes on you pal
according to my Steam year in review I've got loads of them.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 19 Dec 2024, 13:40, archived)

Yeah, I'm a "Pillar of the comminuty".
*high five*

Oh wait, I misread it, it says "pillock".
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Thu 19 Dec 2024, 17:06, archived)

I've still got all my own waist and a 28 inch hair

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Thu 19 Dec 2024, 13:51, archived)

I've just fingered my 10,000th bumhole!

(2 Can Chunder - Work account arbeit macht frei!, Thu 19 Dec 2024, 15:27, archived)

👉🍑🎉

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 19 Dec 2024, 15:56, archived)

post-Roman Britain b3ta more like
a near total collapse of society, the disappearance of literacy and everyone living in the comedy equivalent of dirty wooden huts.

Hang on, it's always been like this
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 19 Dec 2024, 13:49, archived)

I'd like to point out that this is a very simplistic view of post-Roman Britain and one no longer held by most historians.
I wouldn't want anyone getting the wrong idea, like
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 19 Dec 2024, 13:50, archived)

I think we're in the nascent post-post-classical age.
The return of the mods and the fact that they put a lid on the terminally tragic spackery into which this place descended in their absence has heralded a new beginning. Maybe.
( .Yeti., Thu 19 Dec 2024, 16:58, archived)

You rang?

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Thu 19 Dec 2024, 13:02, archived)

'Trouser residence, Dave speaking'

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 19 Dec 2024, 13:47, archived)

Dave Trouser, yesterday
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Thu 19 Dec 2024, 14:09, archived)

Blank image.

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Thu 19 Dec 2024, 16:54, archived)

YEAH!

( MiseryCunt i simply must wipe my arse on a teddy bear, Thu 19 Dec 2024, 17:07, archived)

Curious, it worked earlier.
The massively increased Web traffic from /chat probably exploded their servers, or something.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Thu 19 Dec 2024, 18:40, archived)

What lols!

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 19 Dec 2024, 13:29, archived)

non-stop japes m8

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 19 Dec 2024, 13:47, archived)

skem is puff

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 19 Dec 2024, 14:00, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/8433520
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 19 Dec 2024, 15:23, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/8419783
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 19 Dec 2024, 16:02, archived)

Better than diet b3ta

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Thu 19 Dec 2024, 14:08, archived)

morning

( MiseryCunt i simply must wipe my arse on a teddy bear, Thu 19 Dec 2024, 6:15, archived)

morning

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 19 Dec 2024, 7:41, archived)

b3ta

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 19 Dec 2024, 8:24, archived)

scott,

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 19 Dec 2024, 8:52, archived)

dmedff

(sticklebricks link in bio ❤️🌟❤️, Thu 19 Dec 2024, 9:19, archived)

meh,

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 19 Dec 2024, 10:02, archived)

anal

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 19 Dec 2024, 11:43, archived)

Morning

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Thu 19 Dec 2024, 8:35, archived)

Greetings.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Thu 19 Dec 2024, 8:46, archived)

seasons greasons

(sticklebricks link in bio ❤️🌟❤️, Thu 19 Dec 2024, 9:20, archived)

Salty cheese

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Thu 19 Dec 2024, 9:29, archived)

snuff’s guffs

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Thu 19 Dec 2024, 10:03, archived)

Thooooooorsday

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 19 Dec 2024, 10:08, archived)

evening

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 18 Dec 2024, 18:18, archived)

Evening.
I didn’t stab any morons today, so I’m calling it a win.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 18 Dec 2024, 18:44, archived)

hello saucepot

( MiseryCunt i simply must wipe my arse on a teddy bear, Wed 18 Dec 2024, 18:44, archived)

fuck off then

( MiseryCunt i simply must wipe my arse on a teddy bear, Wed 18 Dec 2024, 19:07, archived)

Bollocks

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 19 Dec 2024, 0:24, archived)

Turns out you can say Hitler

( Cheers Cheers, Wed 18 Dec 2024, 18:47, archived)

No surprise that queef is a big fan of Austrian culture eh.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 18 Dec 2024, 18:52, archived)

I've got myself a very articulate, educated weed dealer. It's a refreshing change.

( mongychops, Wed 18 Dec 2024, 20:00, archived)

I haven't smoked weed in well over a decade

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 18 Dec 2024, 20:01, archived)

Well that's your Christmas present ruined

( mongychops, Wed 18 Dec 2024, 21:10, archived)

Oh!

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 18 Dec 2024, 21:15, archived)

Deady Stobart

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 18 Dec 2024, 13:09, archived)

Eddie Stopheart

( broadsword now that's fresh, Wed 18 Dec 2024, 13:11, archived)

there's a bloke here fixing our shower rail
that's all good and well but I have the chronic shits and badly need the bog
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 18 Dec 2024, 13:30, archived)

Just use the bog and maintain eye contact to assert dominance

lol ass
( Cheers Cheers, Wed 18 Dec 2024, 13:38, archived)

'do us a favour and give this a wipe, would you m8?'

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 18 Dec 2024, 13:47, archived)

Just shit in a Pringles tube and leave it on the stairs
like any normal human being.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 18 Dec 2024, 14:15, archived)

Alright gonz

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 18 Dec 2024, 14:19, archived)

Is "shower rail" a nick name for a family member?

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 18 Dec 2024, 14:55, archived)

His friends call him Rod

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Wed 18 Dec 2024, 15:07, archived)

LOL member

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 18 Dec 2024, 15:14, archived)

he's the man, the man with the funny member

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 18 Dec 2024, 16:26, archived)

alright Kirsty Maccoll

( broadsword now that's fresh, Wed 18 Dec 2024, 15:48, archived)

She's called Boaty McBoatface these days

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Wed 18 Dec 2024, 16:04, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/8433496
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 18 Dec 2024, 16:24, archived)

I expect you mean 'acute', not 'chronic', you ill-educated oik.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Wed 18 Dec 2024, 21:26, archived)

Oh so now you’re the expert on Queef’s’s digestive system?

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 18 Dec 2024, 21:46, archived)

alright

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 18 Dec 2024, 13:58, archived)

meh,

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 18 Dec 2024, 14:04, archived)

Over 100 bottles of booze in my office.
To be split between 20 of us.
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 18 Dec 2024, 14:18, archived)

nice, any standouts?

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 18 Dec 2024, 14:29, archived)

It's all mass market stuff, Waitrose, M&S etc.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 18 Dec 2024, 14:32, archived)

both those shops have decent selections, esp Waitrose

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 18 Dec 2024, 14:59, archived)

Waitrose Gruner Veltliner
An argy malbec
A chablis
A prosecco
Waitrose gavi
A portugese red
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 18 Dec 2024, 15:16, archived)

love a Gruner, got well into that in Vienna last year

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 18 Dec 2024, 15:18, archived)

By 'Gruner' you mean 'Austrian femboys', right?

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 18 Dec 2024, 15:32, archived)

I'm not at liberty to say

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 18 Dec 2024, 15:36, archived)

r er t
( Cheers Cheers, Wed 18 Dec 2024, 15:33, archived)

6 bottles each tho

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 18 Dec 2024, 14:36, archived)

Still, 95's a good innings.

( .Yeti., Wed 18 Dec 2024, 14:20, archived)

Yeah, I thought he'd be limited to 56.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 18 Dec 2024, 14:23, archived)

This is most excellent

( Cheers Cheers, Wed 18 Dec 2024, 15:00, archived)

^

( .Yeti., Wed 18 Dec 2024, 15:14, archived)

lols

( broadsword now that's fresh, Wed 18 Dec 2024, 15:44, archived)

morning

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 18 Dec 2024, 6:21, archived)

morning

( MiseryCunt i simply must wipe my arse on a teddy bear, Wed 18 Dec 2024, 6:55, archived)

morning

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 18 Dec 2024, 7:24, archived)

Morning.
Last day in the office for 2024 today. Thank fuck. If I can get through today without stabbing a moron, I’ll have survived the entire year.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 18 Dec 2024, 7:15, archived)

My last day is Monday then we close down until early Jan
Not taken out of annual leave, so a week or so of extra hols, get in.
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 18 Dec 2024, 7:25, archived)

morning smegg

( Cheers Cheers, Wed 18 Dec 2024, 7:48, archived)

smegg morning

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 18 Dec 2024, 7:51, archived)

Morns
Last day WFH then actually in the actual office tomorrow and Friday. I'll be the only one in so it'll be very, very quiet.

Off from Friday for two weeks GET IN!
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 18 Dec 2024, 9:31, archived)

WHAT AM I GETTING IN?

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 18 Dec 2024, 9:54, archived)

Garold's office.
You're doing his job for the two weeks he's off. Those sailors won't suck themselves off, you know.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 18 Dec 2024, 10:04, archived)

Why does he need an office for that?
Can't he just do it in an alleyway like them rest of us?
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 18 Dec 2024, 10:26, archived)

Maybe he meant orifice
Or bumhole
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 18 Dec 2024, 10:38, archived)

Because I'm CLASSY!
and you can get caught by the google streetview van www.reddit.com/r/GoogleMaps/comments/qmq2ou/guy_getting_a_hand_job_caught_on_google_street/?rdt=42177
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 18 Dec 2024, 10:42, archived)

I just saw that,
it's a small world wide web.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 18 Dec 2024, 11:07, archived)

Can't they?
I thought that's why people did yoga.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 18 Dec 2024, 10:40, archived)

I heard they had their bottom ribs removed.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 18 Dec 2024, 11:08, archived)

ribs
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 18 Dec 2024, 11:38, archived)

Once in royal David's GEOSTORM

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 18 Dec 2024, 9:55, archived)

STORM DUCK
( .Yeti., Wed 18 Dec 2024, 10:17, archived)

GEOSTORM

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 18 Dec 2024, 12:37, archived)

Morning
and all that.
( .Yeti., Wed 18 Dec 2024, 10:17, archived)

fuck Christmas
also morning
( theniwokeup has been awake since, Wed 18 Dec 2024, 11:53, archived)

I think I might have norovirus
Been basically pissing out of my arse since yesterday morning, it's 'well lol'
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 18 Dec 2024, 12:38, archived)

pics available on request

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 18 Dec 2024, 12:39, archived)

Noro usually involves vomiting
at the same time.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 18 Dec 2024, 14:01, archived)

not always apparently
'The first symptom is usually a sudden onset of feeling sick, which is followed by violent vomiting and watery diarrhoea. Vomiting is the most common symptom, but you may have diarrhoea without vomiting or vomiting without diarrhoea'
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 18 Dec 2024, 14:03, archived)

I was the world's worst catherine wheel.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 18 Dec 2024, 16:27, archived)

Taking a shit and rubbing it all the way down the board
in a circular motion hitherto unknown to the bellends of this area.
( brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Tue 17 Dec 2024, 21:06, archived)

, Trouser

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 17 Dec 2024, 21:37, archived)

How can a circular motion be unknown?
It's literally a thing
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Tue 17 Dec 2024, 22:33, archived)

Like there's only one circular motion?

( brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Tue 17 Dec 2024, 22:52, archived)

cacks on, cacks off

( .Yeti., Tue 17 Dec 2024, 23:09, archived)

Saxononist, saxophonist

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 18 Dec 2024, 7:14, archived)

^ saxonanist

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Wed 18 Dec 2024, 7:57, archived)

*polishes bell and spit valve*

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 18 Dec 2024, 9:18, archived)

HO HO HO!! IT'S SANTA HERE!
would you like to make a Christmas wish? Ho Ho Ho
( MiseryCunt i simply must wipe my arse on a teddy bear, Tue 17 Dec 2024, 17:42, archived)

I wish Mister Meow-Meow Presentpaws was dead

( Cheers Cheers, Tue 17 Dec 2024, 17:49, archived)

i see. *makes note*

( MiseryCunt i simply must wipe my arse on a teddy bear, Tue 17 Dec 2024, 17:54, archived)

From the first post

( mongychops, Tue 17 Dec 2024, 19:00, archived)

that still happens?

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 18 Dec 2024, 9:56, archived)

I wished for six hoes, so you’ve already given me what I wanted.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Tue 17 Dec 2024, 17:55, archived)

Ho Ho Ho!
those hoes are on the house
( MiseryCunt i simply must wipe my arse on a teddy bear, Tue 17 Dec 2024, 17:56, archived)

More of a Kwanzaa guy

( $$ ✅, Tue 17 Dec 2024, 18:04, archived)

doesn't surprise me

( MiseryCunt i simply must wipe my arse on a teddy bear, Tue 17 Dec 2024, 18:06, archived)

How do Edinburgh residing Spanish people wish you season's greetings?
Fae Leith, Navidad!!!
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 17 Dec 2024, 18:38, archived)

piss off

( MiseryCunt i simply must wipe my arse on a teddy bear, Tue 17 Dec 2024, 18:40, archived)

Drop dead you dribbling mongtard spackmonkey
Alt: fuck you brb
(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Tue 17 Dec 2024, 18:42, archived)

i'll take fuck you brb for ten points please

( MiseryCunt i simply must wipe my arse on a teddy bear, Tue 17 Dec 2024, 18:46, archived)

For 10 points...
Which dribbling retard spack monkey is a resident racist cunt fuckery on unpopular wank fest website b3ta?
(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Tue 17 Dec 2024, 18:48, archived)

can i phone a bellend?

( MiseryCunt i simply must wipe my arse on a teddy bear, Tue 17 Dec 2024, 18:58, archived)

LOL just as I read this my phone rang
it was the kebab house
(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Tue 17 Dec 2024, 19:14, archived)

'Kebab house' is not an acceptable slang term for Turkish dance music. >:-(

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Tue 17 Dec 2024, 20:28, archived)

Sheesh I'm sorry!
All Turkish dance music sounds the same when you're dancing at the front of the stage in the mosh pitta
(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Tue 17 Dec 2024, 20:51, archived)

You fucking stupid fucking cunt

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 17 Dec 2024, 22:22, archived)

is the mosh pitta where Mark E Smith could be found at metal gigs?

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 17 Dec 2024, 23:19, archived)

Please empty your bulging sack all over my child
's bed
(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Tue 17 Dec 2024, 18:44, archived)

( MiseryCunt i simply must wipe my arse on a teddy bear, Tue 17 Dec 2024, 18:47, archived)

I think I may have placed the break in the sentence at the wrong point
:(
(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Tue 17 Dec 2024, 18:49, archived)

I wonder if that shit Christmas cat account will re appear

( mongychops, Tue 17 Dec 2024, 19:00, archived)

I wish my dad would stop being a massive fanny
And get his arse home, he's been sick long enough
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Tue 17 Dec 2024, 19:55, archived)

I also wish that Trump would contract ebola
And die in unbearable agony, his internal organs liquefying and bleeding from every orifice.
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Tue 17 Dec 2024, 20:14, archived)

Pushing that pustulent tosswank down the board

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 17 Dec 2024, 15:33, archived)

But who pushes the pustulent tosswank pushers?

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Tue 17 Dec 2024, 15:34, archived)

The People's Front of /talk

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 17 Dec 2024, 15:34, archived)

Splitters!

( MiseryCunt i simply must wipe my arse on a teddy bear, Tue 17 Dec 2024, 16:28, archived)

Salt-N-Pepa

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Tue 17 Dec 2024, 16:02, archived)

I have the 12" single of Push It

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 17 Dec 2024, 16:04, archived)

You pushed a gigantic pepper mill 12 inches up your arse, got it

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Tue 17 Dec 2024, 16:05, archived)

the a
2
single of
u eni
h It
( Cheers Cheers, Tue 17 Dec 2024, 16:18, archived)

2 much work

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 17 Dec 2024, 16:20, archived)

u lzy bstrd

( MiseryCunt i simply must wipe my arse on a teddy bear, Tue 17 Dec 2024, 17:04, archived)

the a
s Pr
+can full
Pu
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Tue 17 Dec 2024, 20:30, archived)

CHRISTMAS!
yay or nay?
( MiseryCunt i simply must wipe my arse on a teddy bear, Tue 17 Dec 2024, 16:27, archived)

No
( Cheers Cheers, Tue 17 Dec 2024, 16:28, archived)

Meh, during christmas it's socially acceptable to start drinking at 10am

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 17 Dec 2024, 16:33, archived)

bit late m8

( MiseryCunt i simply must wipe my arse on a teddy bear, Tue 17 Dec 2024, 16:37, archived)

Should be once every five years
then the cunts can call it special.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 17 Dec 2024, 16:52, archived)

Pushing that bellend down the board

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 17 Dec 2024, 14:40, archived)

Ok but now what?
Do we wait for someone to push you down the board, or do you have something important to say?
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Tue 17 Dec 2024, 14:53, archived)

Important is an abstract concept

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 17 Dec 2024, 14:56, archived)

Importance
or import.
( brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Tue 17 Dec 2024, 15:51, archived)

WANKSMELL

not really, guffcheese
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 17 Dec 2024, 11:58, archived)

What if your wank smells like cheesy guff?

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Tue 17 Dec 2024, 12:04, archived)

Joan Osbornzzz

( Cheers Cheers, Tue 17 Dec 2024, 12:08, archived)

best of both worlds innit

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 17 Dec 2024, 12:14, archived)

TITSTINK

( Cheers Cheers, Tue 17 Dec 2024, 12:09, archived)

Oh, so you say it's wanksmell, but when the punters turn up, it's guffcheese?
Trading Standards would like a word.
( .Yeti., Tue 17 Dec 2024, 12:10, archived)

caveat emptor m8

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 17 Dec 2024, 12:15, archived)

WEE-WEE TAPIR

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Tue 17 Dec 2024, 12:11, archived)

Why does CLUNGPUS
never get a look in?
(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Tue 17 Dec 2024, 12:49, archived)

Fine, I'll take a look in your clungpus.
Anyone else want me to take a look, while I'm at it?
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Tue 17 Dec 2024, 12:52, archived)

I don't make the rules m8

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 17 Dec 2024, 13:15, archived)

I find that hard to believe
LOL hard
(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Tue 17 Dec 2024, 14:02, archived)

too clingy

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Tue 17 Dec 2024, 13:16, archived)

CUNTOOZE
Dad had an appointment at the hospital this morning. They've kept him in, he's got fluid around his heart.
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Tue 17 Dec 2024, 13:25, archived)

that doesn't sound good

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 17 Dec 2024, 13:45, archived)

He's been quite chipper the last week or so
No tight chest, no cough or other symptoms, so we're hoping it's not too bad. This is the last thing mum needs, her dad died December 13th, my sister Christmas day and 2 days before Christmas last year, my cousin killed himself.
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Tue 17 Dec 2024, 13:52, archived)

it's the hap-happiest season of all!

(sticklebricks link in bio ❤️🌟❤️, Tue 17 Dec 2024, 15:18, archived)

I still love Christmas
But it's getting harder
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Tue 17 Dec 2024, 16:12, archived)

christmas is for blobbing birds and woofters

( MiseryCunt i simply must wipe my arse on a teddy bear, Tue 17 Dec 2024, 17:49, archived)

alright

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 17 Dec 2024, 13:31, archived)

Smeggory

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 17 Dec 2024, 13:45, archived)

BANJO STRING

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 17 Dec 2024, 14:13, archived)

ALBUQUERQUE

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Tue 17 Dec 2024, 14:56, archived)

morning

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 17 Dec 2024, 7:15, archived)

Morning
pleased to say my knee is much better today, thank you for asking. Not going to go running but I may walk to the gym later and do some rowing.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Tue 17 Dec 2024, 8:45, archived)

smyls

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 17 Dec 2024, 8:48, archived)

So many people say, "You should go running: it's great cardio...",
and conveniently leave out "...and it's murder on your joints."
( .Yeti., Tue 17 Dec 2024, 11:51, archived)

Sophie Ellis-Bexzzz

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Tue 17 Dec 2024, 11:55, archived)

I'd love to fall asleep on her.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 17 Dec 2024, 12:39, archived)

sleep rape is a crime

( MiseryCunt i simply must wipe my arse on a teddy bear, Tue 17 Dec 2024, 17:15, archived)

Yup yup

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Tue 17 Dec 2024, 9:06, archived)

Fuck you, Smegg Wallace, fuck you

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 17 Dec 2024, 9:49, archived)

MY AUNT'S CUNT!!!

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 17 Dec 2024, 9:49, archived)

Don't mind if I do

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 17 Dec 2024, 9:54, archived)

alright Dec

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Tue 17 Dec 2024, 9:56, archived)

AH FANNY SEE MAN!

( Cheers Cheers, Tue 17 Dec 2024, 10:02, archived)

BJ & Duncan

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Tue 17 Dec 2024, 10:19, archived)

Let's Get Ready To Bumhole

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Tue 17 Dec 2024, 10:26, archived)

sniff my eggy guffs

( Cheers Cheers, Tue 17 Dec 2024, 10:03, archived)

+ and learn to fly again

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Tue 17 Dec 2024, 11:05, archived)

i think i could live on an island where the only thing to eat is pistachios
and be ok
( MiseryCunt i simply must wipe my arse on a teddy bear, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 17:56, archived)

I wish you lived on an island with no internet access

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 16 Dec 2024, 18:00, archived)

as long as there were bottomless pistachio mines i'd be ok

( MiseryCunt i simply must wipe my arse on a teddy bear, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 18:02, archived)

So would we.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 16 Dec 2024, 18:02, archived)

well yes. i suppose i could post some pistachios to you all once or twice a month

( MiseryCunt i simply must wipe my arse on a teddy bear, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 18:05, archived)

How much do we need to shell out for postage?

( Cheers Cheers, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 18:07, archived)

( MiseryCunt i simply must wipe my arse on a teddy bear, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 18:22, archived)

I’m not giving my address to some nut off the internet.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 19:26, archived)

you should be find then
edit: -d +e
( MiseryCunt i simply must wipe my arse on a teddy bear, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 19:32, archived)

FIND THEN

( Cheers Cheers, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 19:45, archived)

ps
fuck off brb
( MiseryCunt i simply must wipe my arse on a teddy bear, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 19:15, archived)

eat drink
tachio
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 16 Dec 2024, 21:15, archived)

Wrote our our Christmas cards last night
found a list from 2022 and had to take a few people off as they've died in the last two years.

How you all doing? Anyone started on the Bailleys yet or are you holding off until later in the day?
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 13:56, archived)

I'm thinking of giving crack a try

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 14:00, archived)

I hear it's very moreish

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 14:22, archived)

you should try tagine m8
it's very moorish
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 15:45, archived)

You should try the large expanse of heather in north-eastern Yorkshire
it's very moorish
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 15:59, archived)

you should try doing some murders

( MiseryCunt i simply must wipe my arse on a teddy bear, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 17:49, archived)

As were the Bond films of the late 70s the mid 80s

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 16:00, archived)

Some call me the gangster of love
Some people call me moorish
( Cheers Cheers, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 16:05, archived)

You should be impregnated by both Liam Gallagher and Pete Doherty.
That's extremely moorish, although it sounds more like a threat.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 16:08, archived)

Might buy some imitation resin
It’s very Myrrh-ish
( Cheers Cheers, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 16:11, archived)

SEASONAL PUN MOTHERFUCKERS

( Cheers Cheers, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 16:15, archived)

HOLOLIDAYS

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 16:16, archived)

oh very good

( MiseryCunt i simply must wipe my arse on a teddy bear, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 17:48, archived)

I've already got one

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 15:45, archived)

bollocks

( MiseryCunt i simply must wipe my arse on a teddy bear, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 16:05, archived)

Two of those

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 17:15, archived)

I bet you've got one of those weird vertical ones.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 16:05, archived)

i've got two bumholes

( MiseryCunt i simply must wipe my arse on a teddy bear, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 16:09, archived)

YOU STOLE GONZ'S BUMHOLE!?

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 16:23, archived)

I AM NOT A BUMHOLE THIEF

( MiseryCunt i simply must wipe my arse on a teddy bear, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 16:25, archived)

^ bum-burglar

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 16:29, archived)

^ committing l-arse-ny

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 16:33, archived)

Causing a breach of the ringpiece ^

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 17:19, archived)

YES! FINALLY SOMEONE WHO CAN FART IN F#

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 17:15, archived)

PARP!
_^PARP!
( MiseryCunt i simply must wipe my arse on a teddy bear, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 17:18, archived)

I'm thinking of giving peace a chance

( MiseryCunt i simply must wipe my arse on a teddy bear, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 17:47, archived)

I'm pretty fucken meh m8 tbh
I'm on the Hazy Jane which I wish I didn't really love because Brewdog are spastics
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 15:26, archived)

My parents and sister live near where they're based.
One of the founders has built a house near where we walked the dog yesterday, my dad points it out every fucking time. It's got a panoramic whisky bar sticking out of the top, overlooking the dunes and estuary. The view must be phenomenal. He jogged past us on the beach a couple of years ago and didn't invite us in. Cunt.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 15:44, archived)

oh come on m8 your dad's not that bad

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 15:45, archived)

Thanks for trying to comfort me, but you know he is.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 15:50, archived)

I thought you loathed IPAs?

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 16 Dec 2024, 15:47, archived)

Easy mistake to make, it's Indians he loathes.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 15:51, archived)

Indians, Pakistanis, Armenians.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 16 Dec 2024, 15:51, archived)

WELL YOU THOUGHT WRONG YOU FUCKING DICKSPLASH

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 15:54, archived)

classic 80s insult there

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 15:55, archived)

Obvs
Brew Dog as a company are arseholes, but they make some nice beers.

All that 'punks' stuff is fucken cringe.
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 16 Dec 2024, 15:56, archived)

punks?

( MiseryCunt i simply must wipe my arse on a teddy bear, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 18:01, archived)

PUNKS

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 16 Dec 2024, 18:01, archived)

+S

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 16 Dec 2024, 18:01, archived)

PUNKSS

( Cheers Cheers, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 18:06, archived)

Classic monster munch!

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 16 Dec 2024, 18:40, archived)

I can't even remember the last time I sent a physical Christmas card,
or a physical anything card, for that matter. It's been e-cards for years in my family.
( .Yeti., Mon 16 Dec 2024, 15:34, archived)

e-c ret
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 15:46, archived)

i like this

( MiseryCunt i simply must wipe my arse on a teddy bear, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 17:52, archived)

As far as I can tell,
none of the wise men/kings/astrologers presented Joseph, Mary or Jesus with a folded card on the occasion of Jesus's birth and they don't feature in the Bible at all. I can't find any evidence of them existing in the pre-Christian pagan tradition either. They exist to emotionally and financially exploit people for the benefit of card manufacturers.
( brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 15:47, archived)

Lisa, don't you ruin another Love Day.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 15:52, archived)

I wrote a reply then accidentally deleted it before posting.
You'll just have to imagine what it was.
( brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 15:37, archived)

I imagine it said "I'm a smelly poo-poo bum willy head"

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 15:54, archived)

At times you're a very imaginative person.

( brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 16:39, archived)

I’m still working until Friday
Then shit will get real
( Cheers Cheers, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 16:06, archived)

During lockdown I sent my sister an xmas card that I'd bought in 1999
I'm not big on sending cards.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 16:08, archived)

I don’t usually send them either
Might give the girlfriend one though
( Cheers Cheers, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 16:09, archived)

... AND A CARD!!!!!!!!!

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 16:10, archived)

haha yeah, nice 1

( Cheers Cheers, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 16:12, archived)

geezer
and that's as far as the conversation went
( MiseryCunt i simply must wipe my arse on a teddy bear, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 16:26, archived)

Jarvis COCK

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 16:30, archived)

Damon All Barn Doors Open

( MiseryCunt i simply must wipe my arse on a teddy bear, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 16:50, archived)

and a card, lol!

(sticklebricks link in bio ❤️🌟❤️, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 16:36, archived)

lol give her a card as well LOLOLOLOLOLOL

( MiseryCunt i simply must wipe my arse on a teddy bear, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 16:43, archived)

haha, CARD!!!

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 17:43, archived)

classic b3ta

( Cheers Cheers, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 17:51, archived)

Look, I'm sorry, but when is someone going to look at my knoblet?

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 16:17, archived)

Tomorrow. 10am. Have it out ready

( Cheers Cheers, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 16:19, archived)

i actually looked at it last week

( MiseryCunt i simply must wipe my arse on a teddy bear, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 16:29, archived)

And?

( Cheers Cheers, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 17:52, archived)

just trying to find a counsellor with the relevant experience

( MiseryCunt i simply must wipe my arse on a teddy bear, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 18:07, archived)

Morning, you bunch of guffing nuns.
What’s the plan for today?
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 7:35, archived)

Think I have old skool, 1980s style Aids

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 16 Dec 2024, 7:52, archived)

Retro!

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 8:57, archived)

Hope you die soon

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 8:57, archived)

we're all going to die soon
don't worry about it
( MiseryCunt i simply must wipe my arse on a teddy bear, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 16:48, archived)

oh, you know
the usual
(sticklebricks link in bio ❤️🌟❤️, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 8:47, archived)

Gibbon-fisting followed by bridge with the Women's Institute?

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 8:57, archived)

No, you fucking idiot
That's only Saturdays
( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 8:59, archived)

Crap, I think that means I missed it two days ago.
Anyone got a spare gibbon they're not using, so I can catch up?
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 9:16, archived)

Sorry, I've only got a macaque

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 9:58, archived)

Bridge with a gibbon followed by fisting the WI
way more fun imo
( theniwokeup has been awake since, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 12:07, archived)

Cornershop'szzzzzz
/ac
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 15:21, archived)

Oh dear
my knee has gone all wobbly. That's not good. Think I'll leave off the running for a few days. Getting old isn't fun, though it beats the alternative.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 8:59, archived)

Only the good die young
So that means we can infer that you're shit.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 9:02, archived)

Not sure Billy Joel song titles are the basis for a coherent philosophy
but yes, I'm shit. Alive still though.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 9:26, archived)

I was actually referring to the Iron Maiden song of the same name, not Billy Joel.
Alive, shit and old basically describes all of us here, so it's not like you're out of place.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 9:28, archived)

Fucking hell
that's grim.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 9:38, archived)

i got ID'd a couple of months ago
hahahhaa you old wankers
( MiseryCunt i simply must wipe my arse on a teddy bear, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 17:19, archived)

mind you
i was trying buying Semtex
( MiseryCunt i simply must wipe my arse on a teddy bear, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 17:45, archived)

Yes, thinking that being ID'd is cool rather than embarrassing is definitely a young person thing.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 22:56, archived)

It's really fucking annoying when people pronounce his name as Billy Jo-El

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 16 Dec 2024, 9:29, archived)

Which pianistic singer-songwriter has a super heroic son?
Billy Jor-El!
( .Yeti., Mon 16 Dec 2024, 9:38, archived)

Oh mate.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 16 Dec 2024, 9:39, archived)

Oh mate.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 9:40, archived)

Ω 8.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 9:49, archived)

you think you're sohm smart
wow that guy is really smart
( MiseryCunt i simply must wipe my arse on a teddy bear, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 16:49, archived)

Eaough meight.

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 11:53, archived)

Mark + Speight = Meight, maybe yours will hang himself in Paddington Station

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 12:20, archived)

Which Kryptonian scientist sent his son to Earth to escape their home planet's destruction, but didn't start the fire?
Billy Jor-El!
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 9:39, archived)

Oh mate.

( .Yeti., Mon 16 Dec 2024, 9:41, archived)

Bollocks

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 10:15, archived)

What was the Spanish-language version of Vanessa Paradis' first hit single?
Joe el Taxi!
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 10:42, archived)

Haha, Superman!!!

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 12:00, archived)

alright LOLie Anderson

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 12:20, archived)

Which singer-songwriter and pianist, the angel did say, was to certain poor shepherds in fields as they lay?
Joël, Joël, Joël, Joël!
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 13:24, archived)

I'm begging of you please don't take my manger

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 13:25, archived)

manger tout, Rodney

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 13:35, archived)

You may be right

(2 Can Chunder - Work account arbeit macht frei!, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 10:26, archived)

It's still [Christoph] Koch and [David R.] Cole to me

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 15:20, archived)

Waiting for a gas safety check
Then dealing with the mental, then going to help mum and dad, then I'm back in work.
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 9:35, archived)

I've put fresh batteries in the cat laser pointer
Aggie goes absolutely batshit mental chasing the light. It's sweet yet terrifying.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 9:40, archived)

I should have called Igor Vyvyan
He's been chewing the walls. Destroyed all my sponges yesterday, too.
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 10:00, archived)

It's good to hear your farts are going to be checked to make sure they're not dangerous.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 9:44, archived)

Better safe than soggy

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 10:00, archived)

This made me laugh

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 10:46, archived)

Ffs
The mental finally got her train tickets for Saturday. She was meant to be travelling direct to Ely, because she can't remember that she has to change trains. Her son told me it was sorted, but she has to switch trains at Manchester. It took 6 attempts to explain this to her, and then she forgot. Still, I thought that at least she would be with her grandchildren.
I checked the tickets again. She's coming home Monday.
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 13:35, archived)

Work from home but actually do DIY
because as per usual I have fuck all to do.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 11:05, archived)

Alright UToL

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 16 Dec 2024, 11:10, archived)

When I have nothing else to do, I also like to entertain myself by doing some Dick In Yogurt.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 11:19, archived)

GEOSTORM

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 11:54, archived)

GEOSTORM

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 12:40, archived)

prolly shit on a sheep

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 11:55, archived)

Be sure to let us know the consistency, using the Bristol Stool Scale.
I want to know if it's so runny it stains the wool, or so hard it just bounces off, or what.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 12:01, archived)

that and watching graffiti videos on 'the internet'

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 12:02, archived)

I can't stop watching Mike Chen videos
All those seafood buffets look amazing
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 12:59, archived)

I don't know him, will have a look
in other news my brother's estate just gave me £37k for my daughter, which will be hers on her 18th in two years. I emailed her saying I have some really important news for her about an inheritance and the stupid prick hasn't got in touch so she has no idea about what she has inherited. The fucking knob has her degree paid for and doesn't even know it
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 13:35, archived)

That's teenagers for you
Any chance you can withhold it until she's 25? I know it would pay for her degree, but she'll be a lot more sensible about money at that age
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 13:50, archived)

Snappin necks and cashin cheques, m8

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 13:27, archived)

I'll be winding my neck in, then.
Just to be on the safe side.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 16 Dec 2024, 13:31, archived)