And Seem Sal Ibrahim, !
I have transferred the slowness to iamcal.com!

*thunderous applause*

(someone here has the slow bug) might be ME
(53020, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:55, archived)

Fuck off
maniac
( Hankster, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:55, archived)

Is it Boudicca again?
Only the name's like Syl, and there's a maniacal reference to Cal.
( Druid, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:58, archived)

Hello

(53020, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 19:01, archived)

Oh my.
How mad are you these days on a scale of Lord Attenborough to Lord Sutch?
( Druid, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 19:03, archived)

I'm at Ross Noble

(53020, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 19:05, archived)

What's chomping YOUR nuts, grumpy old fuck?

(53020, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:58, archived)

You
You were doing so well too
( Hankster, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:58, archived)

Thank you

(53020, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 19:00, archived)

yeah i noticed that
it seemed to freeze when three or more people started posting
( prem1um is full of life, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:56, archived)

like on here this evening!
maybe it IS me?
(53020, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:57, archived)

p'raps
p'raps not
( prem1um is full of life, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:57, archived)

Fabulous fact:
There are 12 streets called Albion Street in the Greater Manchester area (according to multimap.com).
(MooCow_Byter, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:56, archived)

there is also a 'gay street' in west sussex..

100% fact
( Lady_Cakes, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:59, archived)

Love Lane in Birmingham
of all places
( prem1um is full of life, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 19:00, archived)

Grope Alley
In Shrewsbury
( viperrr mostly comes out at night, mostly, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 19:01, archived)

There is also a Mincers Lane
and Benders Close in Brum

AND

Bell End
( prem1um is full of life, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 19:02, archived)

There's a place in Plymouth called Fisher's Nob

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 19:03, archived)

I've had a pint in Bell End
Was disappointed there weren't any signs up anywhere though
( broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 19:07, archived)

did you get that the right way round?

( prem1um is full of life, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 19:08, archived)

TWATT
is the name of two towns in the UK.
( Hankster, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 19:00, archived)

we used to have skips at work with TWATTS on them.
Tommy Watts Skips company.
( moohalaa, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 19:01, archived)

I see your TWATTS and raise you
www.munters.co.uk/ (SFW)
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 19:02, archived)

haha
...you can see my twat?

oh.
( moohalaa, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 19:02, archived)

I keep seeing Munters vans around
Also saw a Porn Dunwoody van the other day. Something to do with lifts apparantly
( broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 19:06, archived)

8 anal treets in manchester

(King Baby Duck more than a ceiling, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 19:01, archived)

shift, not ctrl
Silly Arse
(Ronnie Spleen MMMMNEURRGH I AM A GAY SPAZ AND I LOVE IT UP MY BU, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 19:04, archived)

There's a street with a police station
called Lettsby Avenue (in Sheffield, I think.)
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 19:01, archived)

hahahaha
WINNAR!!!
( prem1um is full of life, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 19:04, archived)

Pfffft!

( broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 19:09, archived)

Calm down chubby...
www.b3ta.com/talk/2447270
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:59, archived)

fat people?
fat people?
(53020, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 19:00, archived)

Spybot Search & Destroy regularly finds and removes spyware from my PC
But Spyware Doctor, Ad-Aware, Windows Duffender, AVG Anti Spy and Spy Sweeper find fuck all, ever.

Why why why?
(Ronnie Spleen MMMMNEURRGH I AM A GAY SPAZ AND I LOVE IT UP MY BU, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 19:03, archived)

twenty-five, i don't recall a time i felt this alive
so wake up bou, there's so many things for us to do
i'm not going on iamcal though, because i am the boo radleys and we can be found in the underground
( spacefish bong!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 19:05, archived)

Aw spacefish..................
:(
(53020, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 19:07, archived)

Thinking of changing my name...
how does Serge Rollerfunk sound?
( djrich - Live from Houghton Regis got this thing for Clémence Poésy, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:54, archived)

I like the Rollerfunk bit
please dont tell me your name is actually serge
( prem1um is full of life, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:54, archived)

The 'rich' bit in 'djrich' may suggest otherwise.
:)
( djrich - Live from Houghton Regis got this thing for Clémence Poésy, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:55, archived)

ah.
good call.

Richie Rollerfunk?
( prem1um is full of life, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:56, archived)

Huzzah!

( djrich - Live from Houghton Regis got this thing for Clémence Poésy, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:56, archived)

Alliteration in names is never good.

(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:56, archived)

yeah, Dame Djudie Dench is on the brink of suicide over it

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 19:00, archived)

pfffft!!!!

( prem1um is full of life, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 19:01, archived)

French

( frunt It's been a while..., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:54, archived)

sounds a bit gay

ning all
( Lady_Cakes, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:56, archived)

It wasn't a suggestion,
it's how Serge Rollerfunk sounds to me. It sounds French. Alors.
( frunt It's been a while..., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:58, archived)

French / Gay whats the difference??
( Lady_Cakes, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 19:01, archived)

Hmm, I suppose you have a point

( frunt It's been a while..., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 19:04, archived)

hmmm
may have to rethink
( djrich - Live from Houghton Regis got this thing for Clémence Poésy, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:56, archived)

Pablo Renegadez

(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:55, archived)

Dino Cassegrandes

( FoldsFive, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:56, archived)

I like "DJ Rich"

( Hankster, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:56, archived)

And Marathon.

( Druid, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:57, archived)

A good point well made
sir.
( djrich - Live from Houghton Regis got this thing for Clémence Poésy, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:57, archived)

Hitler McHertzel

( Boondocks, YEAH! has a massive penis. Everyone is scared., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:56, archived)

Try Sean O'Pinion

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:56, archived)

I'm thinking of changing to Hahooh.

( Hoohah Bibbly-bobbly-bubbly-snibbly wib-wib floppit., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:57, archived)

Who'd own you then?
Someone said you'd signed up to my bash, I see that it's a big fat lie.

I'm going to slap the fat handed twat ;)
( Druid, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:59, archived)

No, my bash, you deaf twat

( FoldsFive, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:59, archived)

This.
It's his bash, you deaf twat.
I'm going to have money by then. Hurrah!
( Hoohah Bibbly-bobbly-bubbly-snibbly wib-wib floppit., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 19:00, archived)

Can I still slap the old man?

( Druid, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 19:01, archived)

www.b3ta.com/calendar/event/6687#post7459
( djrich - Live from Houghton Regis got this thing for Clémence Poésy, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 19:04, archived)

Thank you, sir.
He won't be told.
( FoldsFive, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 19:11, archived)

richdj is better, I think.

(MooCow_Byter, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:58, archived)

What's the smallest receptacle
you'd put money on being able to accurately shit into?
( Druid, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:51, archived)

The Abyss
edit:
Dad News: A tree's blown over somewhere in the village. Dad's gone to have a look.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:51, archived)

gone to look in a do-something-about-it kind of way
or in a oooh-lookit-a-fallen-tree-how-cool kind of way?
( frunt It's been a while..., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:53, archived)

There will be a big hole probably.
The police will look into it. hohoho
( djrich - Live from Houghton Regis got this thing for Clémence Poésy, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:54, archived)

The latter.

(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:55, archived)

Why not just look at an ordinary tree
while tilting your head at 90º?
( Druid, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:54, archived)

A 5ml Eppendorf tube

( Hankster, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:51, archived)

is that real or is it a thing like in
Look Around You?
( Druid, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:55, archived)

Real
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Microcentrifuge_tube

I used to put after shave in them, thus being nicely smelling all evening at the pub
( Hankster, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:58, archived)

Oooooh!

( Druid, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 19:05, archived)

That's a fucking great idea
*makes mental note to steal some on Monday*
( Fergburger, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 19:15, archived)

a film tube

( prem1um is full of life, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:52, archived)

without overflowing?

( frunt It's been a while..., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:52, archived)

Liliput

( Boondocks, YEAH! has a massive penis. Everyone is scared., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:52, archived)

Depends what I've been eating.
Steak and kidney pies; I reckon I could accurately squeeze one through a toilet roll tube. Chicken Jalfrezi, I could diarrhea through the gap between a kittens toes
( FoldsFive, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:54, archived)

That's some accurate shitting.
My how I've missed this place :)
( Druid, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:55, archived)

Someone asked me today
"Is it true they used to let sheep run around the roof of the reactor building to test for radiation leaks?"

I said
"No, and you are a fool"
( Hankster, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:44, archived)

A great insight.

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:45, archived)

They used pigs didn't they?

( djrich - Live from Houghton Regis got this thing for Clémence Poésy, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:45, archived)

Happy thingy :)

( Gizmo.mp3 does not exist, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:46, archived)

Cheers dude.

( djrich - Live from Houghton Regis got this thing for Clémence Poésy, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:47, archived)

yeah
candlage... some sort of acknowledgement... positive, etc.
( frunt It's been a while..., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:50, archived)

As above
:)
( djrich - Live from Houghton Regis got this thing for Clémence Poésy, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:51, archived)

special ones that flew up there themselves

( frunt It's been a while..., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:47, archived)

there
( djrich - Live from Houghton Regis got this thing for Clémence Poésy, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:48, archived)

and disappeared with a *pop* leaving nothing behind
save a small, brown haze of pigshit
( frunt It's been a while..., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:49, archived)

happy mcb3taday from mcb3taville

( prem1um is full of life, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:50, archived)

mutter, grumble, candle, mumble

(s0WmVHAwZgpG, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:49, archived)

Thanks my upsidedown chum.

( djrich - Live from Houghton Regis got this thing for Clémence Poésy, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:49, archived)

How the fuck would a sheep know where the leaks were?
Or would it be more like that Gary Larson cartoon of the canary in a nuclear power plant?
( Bob Todd whee, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:47, archived)

They have little Geiger counters and a map

( Hankster, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:48, archived)

they're welsh sheep

( spacefish bong!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:48, archived)

Do sheep have a special skill for sensing radiation, then?
Or were these highly trained supersheep armed with Geiger-Müller counters?
(MooCow_Byter, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:47, archived)

www.damninteresting.com/?p=342#more-342
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:47, archived)

Hehe
*sends to boss*
( Hankster, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:52, archived)

There was a textile factory in Holbeck in Leeds that looked like
An Egyptian temple,it had turf on the roof and there were sheep agrazing up there. Fact. I witnessed it with my eyes
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:48, archived)

That sounds very odd
and having gone through there countless times on the train it seems all the more incongruous for being in Holbeck.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:50, archived)

I doubt very much if it's still there
It was about ten years ago though as I found out when trapped in the one way system there as I tried to find a pub quiz

Edit/ Bottom of this page www.leedsliveitloveit.com/Business/Developments/HolbeckUrbanVillage/tabid/417/Default.aspx
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:51, archived)

Quite right too, thats no way to treat the missus

( broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:49, archived)

I just dont know whats going on.
Do you?
( prem1um is full of life, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:41, archived)

Signs point to no.

(MooCow_Byter, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:43, archived)

s going on to do with myself
( ArthurTheRat, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:43, archived)

this as well.
how was your birthday sonny jim?
( prem1um is full of life, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:44, archived)

Good
I've made a handsome profit, though I haven't done anything yet.
I'd like to have a big-ass party or something, but
a) My house isn't really big enough (not enough open spaces)
b) Not all my friends actually like each other.
( ArthurTheRat, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:45, archived)

i know what you mean with (b)
My different groups of mates are from very opposite ends of spectrum...last birthday ended up my mate who is a pyschiatric nurse getting thrown out of my other mates house because he couldnt stop talking about her tits to her.
( prem1um is full of life, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:48, archived)

Don't worry
Marvin Gaye didn't know either.
( djrich - Live from Houghton Regis got this thing for Clémence Poésy, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:43, archived)

It was like this last Friday
D'you 'member?
(53020, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:44, archived)

no, i can just about remember my own name let alone what happened here last friday.
how are you?
( prem1um is full of life, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:45, archived)

Doing okay and you?
Heading out to the pub?
(53020, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:47, archived)

still at work :-(

( prem1um is full of life, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:49, archived)

Yuck.
Why so late?
(53020, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:52, archived)

PR thingy going on with 150 Immunologists
watchoo up to?
( prem1um is full of life, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:53, archived)

At home. Just ate kENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN.
Hell, it's greasy.
(53020, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:57, archived)

it sure is.
did you find any chicken knees or toes in there?
( prem1um is full of life, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:59, archived)

Ja.
Elbows too. YUM!
(53020, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 19:02, archived)

crunchy!

( prem1um is full of life, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 19:05, archived)

I DO!!
Go here and click you bitches!!!
www.b3ta.com/questions/mycollection/post69581/

*hugs*
( Well, not quite Will be nice for food, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:44, archived)

you nasty pasty
she'll get you for that oh yes she will
( prem1um is full of life, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:46, archived)

Aint nothing going on but financial remuneration for dwelling costs

( broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:44, archived)

you gotta have a J.O.B. if you wanna be with me
♫
( djrich - Live from Houghton Regis got this thing for Clémence Poésy, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:47, archived)

For shifting large amounts of earth?

( broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:50, archived)

You've got leperlepsy.

( ImNotRightBotheredMe fool, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:46, archived)

I started a welcome thread at
www.iamcal.com for you.

Come say hello there. Please? It's faster!
(53020, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:33, archived)

WE KNOW YOU SAID SO JUST DOWN THE PAGE

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:35, archived)

Who the fuck are you?

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:35, archived)

CAL'S BITCH!

(53020, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:38, archived)

No.
We're not going.
Please stop stalking him, it's scary and weird.
( ArthurTheRat, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:40, archived)

boudicca.
Who the fuck are you?
(MooCow_Byter, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:40, archived)

Tell him MooCow!

(53020, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:41, archived)

I did.
Who the fuck are you?

Oh, wait...
(MooCow_Byter, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:42, archived)

HA! Did she get banned again?

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:45, archived)

There is a facility to change your username on B3ta
(heavily sarky)
(53020, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:48, archived)

I misread that as "Heavy Darkie" and I assumed you were describing yourself.
Now if you've gone mental again, which I predicted. I suggest you take it elsewhere as I am not pandering to your fat people's games.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:51, archived)

I'm not sure,
but last time I saw her she was being all nice.

Which is nice.
(MooCow_Byter, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:49, archived)

I LIKE IT SLOW.
I SUSPECT IT'S BECAUSE I LOVE TEH BOARD-DOWNS.
( Noit happy baby orangutan, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:37, archived)

re-e-wind
when the crowd say bou selecta!

get on down and strut your stuff, woman!
( spacefish bong!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:40, archived)

Hello you lovely thing!

(53020, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:42, archived)

*dances*

( spacefish bong!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:47, archived)

Tonight's beers are "Tyske" or some such Polish nonsense
Marston's Empire IPA and Abbots Ale, drank from a Coors branded glass that I don't remember paying for/sending off for/even thinking about, but yet arrived in the post, with a note thanking me for my continued support of Coors beer. Which I don't drink, as it tastes of piss.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:32, archived)

Sam Smith's Imperial Stout is great stuff
Edit: you sure it's Polish? "Tyske" is Danish for "German".
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:34, archived)

No fair.
I want beer! It's in my cupboards and fridges, taunting me...
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:36, archived)

Food news:
While lacking the depth of flavour and richness of the traditional 'Indian' curry sauces, Sharwood's Sri Lankan Devil Curry Sauce is nicely hot enough. I give it 7/10.

Thank you
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:37, archived)

Well done.
I'm about to cook toad in the hole with mash, & drink red wine & maybe a bottle of fizz.
( ImNotRightBotheredMe fool, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:42, archived)

I haven't had toad in the hole in ages.
I'm having home-made lasagne tonight.
( ArthurTheRat, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:44, archived)

Easy-Off BAM!
The American counterpart to Cillit Bang, featuring the same spokesman and the same disturbing pose...www.easyoffbam.us versus www.cillitbang.co.uk

BAM! And the military-industrial complex is GONE!

LET THE BATTLE BEGIN.
( KersaI Missive Free Michael Shields! with Monday's Liverpool Echo, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:09, archived)

I like to imagine Barry Scott is translated worldwide.
¡HOLA! ¡SOY BARRY SCOTT!
KONICHIWA! WATASHI WA BARI SUKOTTU DESU!
( ArthurTheRat, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:14, archived)

Christ it's slow tonight
I'm going to make it even slower by commenting on it.
( ArthurTheRat, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:24, archived)

Come and talk at
www.iamcal.com INSTEAD?
(53020, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:27, archived)

That looks strange and scary.
I'd rather stay here in the comfortable grey on grey with expanded threads that I'm used to.
(MooCow_Byter, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:34, archived)

I like to imagine
that everyone else who uses B3ta is actually a brightly coloured giant bird that uses its beak to peck out words on the keyboard, and you all fly to bashes in great big multi-hued flocks.
(MooCow_Byter, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:29, archived)

EASTY-OFF BAM
BAM AND THE EASTY IS GONE
(s0WmVHAwZgpG, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:42, archived)

For fuck sake
someone put another 50p in the meter.

In other news: ♫♫ It's my b3taday - It's my b3taday :) ♫♫

and Happy b3taday to Mrs Trouser too
( djrich - Live from Houghton Regis got this thing for Clémence Poésy, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:00, archived)

happy b3ta day to you both
*goes to find the jumper cables*
( flurokitty 3, 2, 1 lets jam! (+.[___]·:·), Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:08, archived)

:)

( djrich - Live from Houghton Regis got this thing for Clémence Poésy, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:16, archived)

is the board s;ow or is it just me?

(53020, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:09, archived)

It's just about everyone i think

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:25, archived)

Happy b3taday to you both! *bighug*

( LC! lyk omg, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:09, archived)

*huggles*

( djrich - Live from Houghton Regis got this thing for Clémence Poésy, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:16, archived)

Happy Friday 12 January to you too, then.

(MooCow_Byter, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:10, archived)

:)

( djrich - Live from Houghton Regis got this thing for Clémence Poésy, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:36, archived)

Happy b3taday deary :D

( Hidden Mouse, Sleeping Kitten Gromada? Gromada!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:17, archived)

Thanks Missy :)

( djrich - Live from Houghton Regis got this thing for Clémence Poésy, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:20, archived)

Happy
b3taday

hon.


it's like posting through treacle.
( icklepeach *relurks*, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:23, archived)

I thank you
:)
( djrich - Live from Houghton Regis got this thing for Clémence Poésy, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:34, archived)

Happy b3taday fella :)

( broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:26, archived)

Cheers dude.

( djrich - Live from Houghton Regis got this thing for Clémence Poésy, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:35, archived)

Happy b3taday you old thing...

( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:41, archived)

I've just found JMG's diary..
9/1/07

0700 - awakened by alarm clock playing the Thunderbirds theme.
0701 - decide to sleep in as too AWESOME to get up
0758 - Get up and dress. Washing and teethcleaning is for spotties.
0800 - leave for work
0830 - Arrive at work. Theme from the A-Team plays as I enter the office.
1030 - Disdain the office fatty in his offer of a cup of tea
1045 - Discussion of the successes of NUFC.
1047 - Mockery of Sunderland AFC.
1300 - POWER LUNCH of VIMTO SANDWICH.
1400 - Logon to b3ta. Make same old posts deriding the same old posts to general adulation
1700 - Leave work. Receptionist announces over the PA that 'JMG has left the building'
1730 - Arrive home. Theme from 'Local Hero' plays as I enter the house.
1800 - POWER TEA of grilled vimto on whippet.
1830 - Logon to b3ta
1831 - Commence taunting Piston_Broke
2100 - Continue viewing of everything Jimy Nail has been in EVER.
2200 - Bed. Commence wank.
2202 - Wank finishes. Shatter lamppost bulb across the street with POWER JIZZ. Round of applause from assembled women of the North East.

Who's diary have you been reading?
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 17:49, archived)

That's fantastic. I love it.

( TonyUNDERSCORE from the Internet, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 17:56, archived)

1300 hours is the best time to be me. Ever.

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:01, archived)

AWESOME

( ArthurTheRat, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:02, archived)

Also
I read that as an algorithm, so now I imagine JMG as some sort of HYPER-AWESOME ROBOT.
( ArthurTheRat, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:09, archived)

Pfft.

(MooCow_Byter, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:04, archived)

It's nice to know
That people talk about me when I'm not even about. It's even worse than not being talked about.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:04, archived)

Christ, you're like the Candyman.
Only unwelcome.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:14, archived)

And you're about as funny as a HIV orphan
Your point being?
( jim_bob can herd cats., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:18, archived)

Meaning that the merest mention of your name appears to spur you into a frenzy of 'you're not funny'

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:24, archived)

Funny that.

( ArthurTheRat, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:27, archived)

You are so gay for him.
You hardly go a day without talking about him in some way.
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:33, archived)

The man does have a point
Should I have my back to the wall when I see you about?
( jim_bob can herd cats., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:34, archived)

He has me wrapped around his little finger.
I write him notes.
I send him things.
But NO.
He's just out sexing yet ANOTHER harlot that he's adding to his harem.

*cries in corner*
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:37, archived)

JMG IS REPEATATIVE AND TEDIOUS AND I HAVEN'T SAID THIS BEFORE.

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:37, archived)

Would an HIV orphan...
...grow up to be AIDS man?
( gone, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:25, archived)

I honestly suspect you have a horn, that sounds whenever your name is typed on here.
Upon hearing it, you sprint to the nearest PC so as you don't miss out on any ba5h!11 references. Or references to you being dull.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:19, archived)

No, just a good sense of timing so it seems.
Plus to the fact you seem to have a cybernetic connection to this place, you're hardly one to talk.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:22, archived)

The other night I logged on here around half ten or so.
...and you had just posted some tedious anti-JMG remark.

Being the hero of this movie, I was quick to point out how wrong you were. It was fun to see you all anti-JMG when I wasn't here.

You told everyone you were off to bed in your next post, without replying to mine.


Hilarious as this is, if rumour gets around that you're gonna leave whenever I'm here. NO WONDER I have a "cybernetic connection" to b3ta. I'm doing national service.

Feel free to bring me some Vimto and Doritos. *Clap*.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:27, archived)

No, to be fair
You're just a one man band with a single joke who is so tedious it's like sitting through a Conservative Party political speech on the finer points of whelk populations. Only the seafood is more riveting. Although to be honest I don't know why I have you on my ignore list, my life would certainly be less tedious without you around. In fact...
( jim_bob can herd cats., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:33, archived)

If you're going to put people on ignore who don't like you, you're going to end up with no-one to talk to.
...Also. Are you claiming I'm tedious and repeatative again?

Don't they teach you to always keep things new and fresh over at the plastic army? After rope-tying of course.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:40, archived)

I CANNOT WATCH THE NEWCASTLE V MAN UNITED MATCH
because it is being shown on the one TV channel that is broken.

AND B3TA IS SLOW.

/sick day blog
( KersaI Missive Free Michael Shields! with Monday's Liverpool Echo, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:17, archived)

Are you sure you can't watch it because it was on 11 days ago?

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:21, archived)

'Ning Everyone
It's my B3taday!!!

*jumps and squeals*
( Mrs Trouser is probably annoying Dave just by being here on, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 17:46, archived)

Happy B3taday to you!
:)
( Fluzzy namby-pamby pudding and pie, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 17:57, archived)

Merry Christmas!
Lang may yer lum reek.
(MooCow_Byter, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 17:59, archived)

Happy B3taday :)

( broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 18:38, archived)

'ning, cuntfishes.
Is Todd about?
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 17:41, archived)

Here I am.
b3ta is being very slow for me right now, though.
( Bob Todd whee, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 17:57, archived)

I feel like I'm floating.
It's nice, but a little worrying.

EDIT: Sorry, I should have realisd that I need to ask a question to get any replies. So, when was the last time you felt like you were floating, and why did you feel that way?

EDIT EDIT: It's worn off now. I'm not really sure why it happened in the first place.
(MooCow_Byter, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 17:38, archived)

the boards gone all to shit now for me

(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 17:43, archived)

It's a bit slow, isn't it?

(MooCow_Byter, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 17:48, archived)

a bit sickeningly
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 17:49, archived)

+t
enng
( viperrr mostly comes out at night, mostly, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 17:57, archived)

Is it wrong to dislike late animal botherer Steve Irwin's child, Bindi?
She's one of those horrible over-confident, annoying kids.
Precocious I think the word is
( Hankster, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 17:33, archived)

she's pre- something
hur hur hur
*slurps*
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 17:36, archived)

Why would it be wrong?
Because her Dad's dead? Rubbish reason.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 17:37, archived)

I dislike, and actively hate some, children
It's perfectly fine. Just don't get caught
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 17:37, archived)

She's an ugly, mong eyed little pig too
dynimg.rte.ie/0000b6930b2.jpg
( Hankster, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 17:39, archived)

Yoda with pigtails

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 17:44, archived)

ugly?
She looks pretty cute to me...

with that little fuzzy grey face and hairy arms
( viperrr mostly comes out at night, mostly, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 17:46, archived)

Isn't a Bindi one of those shitty indian ciggerettes?
Would that make her a 'fag'?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 17:39, archived)

I hate that sort of child as well.
I always did, even when I was a child myself.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 17:44, archived)

The poor kid has been raised to act, 24 hours a day
She is just so false, it's quite disgusting. I feel so sorry for her.

As it is she's all over the TV (the other day, in the space of five minutes, she was on an ad for the Irwin family zoo, an ad for Bindi's exercise video for kids (?!) and on the news for being used in some tourism campaign. WTF?)
(s0WmVHAwZgpG, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 17:44, archived)

Exercise video?
That's wrong-er than the way the /talk board looks right now. (Basic Windows layout, anyone?)
( KersaI Missive Free Michael Shields! with Monday's Liverpool Echo, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 17:50, archived)

This is to announce that
Wolf is going to the pub tonight.
Then home to bed.


The bags under my eyes are saggier than a grannies norks.


That is all.
( WOLF .™, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 17:25, archived)

hello wolf

(53020, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 17:26, archived)

i think i can speak for everyone when i say we'll miss your valuable contributions.

( scott,, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 17:27, archived)

I'm so important, people talk for me.

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 17:31, archived)

well you can't.

/sarcasm or potkettlepot syndrome
(jmaxi returned again on, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 17:33, archived)

Needs more Voltron.

(MooCow_Byter, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 17:33, archived)

'ning you filthy minded bunch of b3tans.
I've only just got my interwebs back off the pikeys, they stole it over 3 weeks ago!

Anyways, how was everyones christmas?

Mine was at stupid o'clock in the morning, pfft kids and all of their damned excitment :oP
( jenpots, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 17:24, archived)

Yay!
*hugs*
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 17:26, archived)

Not bad, bit boring though

( Bobson I who milks the milkmen?, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 17:27, archived)

fine...
up to the point i got sick on mead. people were commenting how much of an odd experience it was to hear vomiting over the dr who theme tune.
(wayneofthedead Dale Winton was my dad, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 17:28, archived)

There's an anti-Christmas clique. Careful.
Fat people who don't want us lovely people to be happy.

:(
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 17:28, archived)

Hello Jenpots! I missed you and asked after you and everything.
:D hugs
(53020, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 17:28, archived)

Watched some flocks by night, then
decked some halls with boughs of holly before following yonder *points* star.
( Druid, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 17:29, archived)

My nosebleed blood tastes like fish fingers.
Who wants a sandwich?
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 17:18, archived)

Me.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 17:22, archived)

*Sneezes into a bun*
It's glorious!
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 17:26, archived)

Wouldn't mind one
rather have some chips

in other news, I'M COMING TO LONDON BIATCHES
( Bobson I who milks the milkmen?, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 17:26, archived)

I've gone over on my ankle and it has swollen very disturbingly to about 3 times the size it should be.
It looks bad and really hurts but I can walk on it alright. Should I seek medical attention?
( Malchick, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 17:03, archived)

Casualty's on tomorrow night, isn't it?
Just watch that and see if it helps.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 17:06, archived)

*climbs up precariously placed step ladder*
*reaches for live plug*
*sips glass of water*
*glances at killer bees nest*

*wonders what will happen next*
( Whythebigpaws?, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 17:15, archived)

Oooooh, I know this one.
*puts hand up*
I KNOW THIS. PICK ME!
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 17:17, archived)

*bets that it's the other person in the room that will hurt himself, not you*

( Malchick, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 17:18, archived)

*drives into your ladder in his ambalance*
*loves casualty*
( stevierar, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 17:19, archived)

nah
a bunch of internet nerds are definitely more knowledgeable than some quack.
i say leave it.
( scott,, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 17:09, archived)

This is true.
And I say BOIL IT.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 17:12, archived)

Stick it in your mouth.
Gargle.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 17:11, archived)

Strap it up
keep it cold, lie down and raise it.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 17:13, archived)

Are we NHS direct??

Ask one of the good Doctors.
(jmaxi returned again on, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 17:13, archived)

I
thought you were under medical supervisions anyways for your dependency on angel gems and curly whirlies.

/tye
(Rose*~* attached to Tye in a non-human centipede way, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 17:15, archived)

Get yourself down A&E for an entertaining Friday night

I reckon you will be seen by Sunday!
(jmaxi returned again on, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 17:15, archived)

Yes.
Now stop sending me photos of your ankles.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 17:16, archived)

Do you seriously mean "yes"?

( Malchick, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 17:17, archived)

Maybe.
Elevate it, Ice it, Stick a tubigrip on it and see some tomoorow if it's still HUGE.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 17:26, archived)

ank nipp
( scott,, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 17:20, archived)

ankle cock
( Druid, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 17:17, archived)

How do you use a chip pan?
My mum has gone to sleep and I need to make dinner before I go out and get pissed.

If I make a fire I'll be late for the pub, help urgently needed!
(Marmite Omelette ...but I feel better having screamed, don't you?, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:48, archived)

Fill pan to about an inch from the top
Put on high heat for 15-20 minutes


Add a large mug of ice cold water
( Hankster, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:53, archived)

Ouch!

( Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 17:06, archived)

i'd go to the chip shop if i were you.

( scott,, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:53, archived)

yes.
or have a sandwich.
( sleepybinky, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:56, archived)

careful with the knife there.

( scott,, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:59, archived)

he'd be best off using a spoon
less risk
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 17:04, archived)

and margarine instead of butter,
just to stay on the safe side.
( scott,, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 17:06, archived)

This
unlike you'd prefer to have half of your face left.
( ArthurTheRat, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 17:08, archived)

Carefully

( Hidden Mouse, Sleeping Kitten Gromada? Gromada!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:57, archived)

www.askmommy.org
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 17:03, archived)

you should eat them raw
or your mummy might get cross
( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 17:06, archived)

Old enough for the pub, then old enough for frying chips!


answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20070105173852AAw9oHn
(jmaxi returned again on, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 17:07, archived)