What would you rather be, a banana or a sardine?
Alt Q- Chubby Checker or Desmond Dekker?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 22:45, 87 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

How should I deal with a pre-menstrual girlfriend?
who is being more mental than she usually is when she's about to go "up on blocks"

No Alt as I can't be arsed after 4 pints.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 20:42, 157 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

shouldn't there be some kind of evening thread by now?
alt q (because the top one is barely a question worthy of the name): what's the worst or stupidest exercise you've ever done?

Mine was a Zumba dance lesson where the instructor made us dance to the birdy song :(
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 19:17, 72 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

It still surprises me that a lot of blocks of flats and the like
don't have floors or apartments numbered 13 because of superstition.

What are you superstitious about?

Or, if you think that's bollocks, what surprises you? And don't say "how fucking dull Kitty is" or I'll get a right strop on.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 16:25, 180 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

What would you call your band?
Remembering that Stephen Merchant once saw a poster for a band with 'the least evocative and exciting name I have ever heard: "Loose Change" - I've wondered what I'd name my band. If I had one.

So, what would you call your band?

^{No points for the sixth-form special that is [Adjective] . My college had a great rivalry between Nuclear Monkey and Wonder Horse which absolutely nobody gave a shit about because they spent free periods and lunchtimes mangling the instrumental from Come As You Are over and over again, somehow, against all reason, getting worse every time...}
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 15:29, 117 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

bored of that thread now
someone start another one.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 14:29, 160 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I'm feeling reckless and invincible.
Not only have I put off an important task that I couldn't be arsed to do and not got berated for it, but I've only gone and got my boss to do it for me.

What are you feeling right now?
( girlinthehole, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 13:09, 208 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Something in the last thread reminded me.
I saw a facebook status that made me actually afraid for a moment, then when relieved told the person responsible to fuck off, but only because I was so relieved nothing was wrong. When was the last time you woefully overreacted?


Alt Q: do you own a hat? If so what type?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 11:41, 208 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

From the BBC Website
*Tributes are paid to agony aunt, broadcaster and patient campaigner Claire Rayner, who has died at 79.*

Do you think that if Claire Rayner was less patient a campaigner, she'd have achieved more?

Alt Q: To celebrate the passing of this agony aunt, share your problems and let the good people of OT advise you.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 10:37, 164 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Right, so
I'm selling a load of crap on ebay to clear some space and make a little extra Christmas money. What awesome/shit stuff have you brought online, sober/off your face or otherwise? Or, just talk rabid bollocks like you usually do.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 8:45, 207 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

right, time to start some serious planning.
I've got my bash on the 28th of November. I'll be in London at that point. I'm not even sure if anybody remembers it's on but I'm needing some help in the venue picking and booking stuff. Where are bashes in London usually held, and what time did you wanna show up?

Alt Q: I had a very bizarre Doctor Who dream last night - he was saving the world from a guy wearing a laser/razor suit while I looked for a giant ostrich egg to help. What did you dream about?
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 12 Oct 2010, 8:02, 86 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

It's official, I'm too old to party.
What are you too old to do anymore?

Alt Q:What would you tell your 16 year old self if you could send a message back in time?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 23:16, 143 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

right last thread is too long to read on my phone
Weird androgymous girl on masterchef who is well emo.
Ok you're up for the Olympics what could you get a gold in? And I expect you to make new "sports"
Tgb 2012 being mean gold medalist
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 21:03, 190 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

There is some good telly on this evening
What are you doing tonight?

Alt Q: If you'd be given £1000 in hard cash and told to go and spend it on something fun. What would you buy?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 18:19, 248 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I go away for a day and all hell breaks loose.
What's with the halloween names already?

Is the new kid Bert?

Can anyone speak Welsh?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 16:41, 185 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Hands up who thinks I've done enough work for today?
Alt Q: Where would you like your hands to be now?
( girlinthehole, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:56, 331 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

How have you wasted some time recently?
I have just wasted 2 hours hanging around Charring Cross police station before giving a statement and handing over a laptop full of unpleasant material.

Alt: Have I missed anything interesting this morning?
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:23, 127 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Minor Misunderstandings
As opposed to Major Misunderstandings in the Viz, what minor misunderstandings have you had in the past? Major and Minor can be very similar imho. To start the ball rolling: A friend of mine once asked me to talk to a girl and find out if her friend was single. I said to Michelle or suchlike, 'Can I ask you something?' Before I had chance to do anything she quickly (a littlw too quickly) blurted out 'I'm seeing someone.' Needless to say, it still seemed like rejection even after I explained!
(muzzvsworld, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 13:20, 99 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I make that lunch.
What 'ya having? (Just because Monty loves to know).

Alt Q: Favourite cheesy-dance-floor-filler?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 12:46, 181 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

<Is nervous>
Hello good people, it's the newbie who isn't Bert here.

Would welcome a quick straw poll. I'm building a website at the moment, can't talk too much about it but it's vaguely social networking based. Do you think it's necessary to build FaceBook apps for sites nowadays, or is that all a bit old hat and easier just to provide the ability for users of my site to "share" on Facebook ?

ALT-Q: One of my favourite authors talks about one's "take away" moment - no, not the joy of a delivered curry, but the moment you would remember and take with you as you left this earth. Will put mine in the replies.

And I promise not to start a new thread again for a while...thanks.
(TheImmortalJenkins, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 11:54, 212 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

lol
I've never started an offtopic thread before I don't think. Tell me where I went wrong, or what colour pants you're wearing, or what you're eating.

Actually, no, please don't tell me what you're eating, I hate that shit.
( broadsword, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 10:34, 277 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Nice one Gonz, new job woos.
I, however, have finally come to the end of my tether with my job. It's a corrupt company run by a disinterested prick, employing criminals and idiots who run rings around the 'honest' team and rip us all off. The cunts.

I want entirely daft suggestions for what jobs I should look for, and what you'd rather be doing right now instead of what you're actually doing right now.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 9:14, 190 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

GOOD MORNING GOOD MORNING GOOD MORNING !!!!
It's totally NEW JOB day. I've loaded up my iPhone with some good music, ironed my clothes, charged up all my electronics, did my oyster thinggy and OH GOSH, I'm leaving the house at 7:30 so I get there around 8:30, where I'll have 30 minutes to have a cup of joe* and maybe a banana and toffee muffin. I'm all shaved and showered already 'cus I did it last night.

OH MAN !

Any tips on the first day? I know I should make someone my bitch or I'll be the next-man's-pussyole for the rest of my time there.

* Is that what you city types call coffee?
( G/PP &#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 6:58, 22 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

So it's Sunday night
And I might now be the photographer at a friend's wedding next Saturday. Unexpected, but paid, which would be nice.

Anyone else get any unexpected news or offers this weekend?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Sun 10 Oct 2010, 21:39, 202 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I'm now disturbed
This is due to something that Amberl has on their profile!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Sun 10 Oct 2010, 19:32, 50 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I got a new job in a department called 'Retail Investor Services'
or RIS for short and only you people can appreciate the funny side of that so I'm sharing it with you.

rafter
baz
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Sun 10 Oct 2010, 16:41, 177 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Sorry about this, dropping it in while I remember
But I think this might actually make Monty's head explode, It's Rammstein doing a Bowie cover!

Carry on.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Sun 10 Oct 2010, 15:09, 9 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Afternoon.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sun 10 Oct 2010, 13:30, 6 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Never mind that.
Bert again?

b3ta.com/talk/6987130

Anyone able to confirm the spot?
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Sun 10 Oct 2010, 13:30, 33 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Where is everyone?
Step father has been throwing double vodkas down my neck and I'm pished.
( girlinthehole, Sat 9 Oct 2010, 22:10, 20 replies, latest was 15 years ago)