oh man I am so popular


I went swimming yesterday and so feel smug.Also I have a bazillion friends on the internet which makes me a total winner. I'm going to lkike totally update facebook, myspace, beebo, twitter, awesomebadger.com and a new site you're not cool enough to have heard of
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 10:53, 122 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Let's see who the real cool kids are.
Who else has this on their navbar?


( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 10:16, 134 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Morning all
I had a productive evening doing work for one of our sites and also was a good Dad by getting some tickets for Mrs Cow and my daughter to watch Beauty and the Beast pantomime as her Easter present. The sharp eyed amongst you will notice I did not buy a ticket for me. The thought of pantomime makes me ill

What good things have you done recently?

Alt Q:
What naughty things have you done recently?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 9:01, 106 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Manchester city had a player called
Colin Bell. He was also the last man city player to captain England before Gareth Barry tonight. Manchester city requested permission to name one of their stands 'Bell End'. Obviously this request was denied but what inappropriately named things have you come across?

Alt q: which b3tan makes you laugh the most?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 29 Mar 2011, 21:20, 3 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

My google-fu sucks
Whoever posts a link to the post for "the empire is so bracing" will receive not one but two free handjobs.
( Captain V, Tue 29 Mar 2011, 19:35, 14 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Was going to do some work this evening
but can't get access to the files I need, so am being forced to relax instead. What a shame.

What are you up to?

alt: best film you've seen this year? I have no idea what mine is, I'll give it some thought
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 29 Mar 2011, 18:28, 80 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Long thread is long, and ace btw,
I am being threatened in cliches over text message. I haven't responded so far but it's getting annoying now. I am trying to be the bigger person (biggest, fattest, etc etc) but I'm losing my cool a bit. When did you last try to be mature? and did it work?

Alt - When did you last lose your rag and go apeshit on someone?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 29 Mar 2011, 16:36, 197 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Life is utter shit
I've lost all passion for my job, which will never pay me enough to be able to live in a flat that I own. I'm getting old, friends are getting married and falling by the wayside, and I'm slowly realising that nothing will improve as the country seems to disintegrate around me.

So, I've decided to end it all, but I want to go out in as spectacular fashion as possible, so I'm thinking about using a trick I read where you fashion a long noose out of piano wire, pop it around your neck, superglue your palms to the side of your head and then run as fast as you can forward. Done right, death will be instantaneous, and when they find your body it'll look like you ripped your own head off in anger.

As you lot seem to be 'enjoying' lives as pathetic as mine (or worse), how will you kill yourself?

NB: All of the above is in jest, I feel pretty great right now, my self-confidence is at an all time high and I have some great friends around to share laughs with. Sure there are areas for improvement, but I'm taking an active role in sorting these out.

So, your alt q is this, what's fucking awesome in your life right now?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 29 Mar 2011, 14:49, 249 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I've just come into some stupid money, something like £100b or whatever, and I'm giving you all £1m each, I want that back in exactly one year's time, if you don't give it back you have to kill everyone you love (who I don't love).
What are you going to do with the money?

//edit//
Ok, the killing thing is silly. Let's say you don't have the money at the end of the year, but have bought assets, they get turned over to me, 100% of them, no matter what their value is... so you buy a £1m property that goes up to £1.2m, I get the whole property, you get nothing.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 29 Mar 2011, 13:21, 151 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

The North is full of povvos! FACTS in replies

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 29 Mar 2011, 12:24, 90 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Old thread is old
Morning bumders! Did we all sleep well? I had a bizarre dream about an old friend. What did you dream about?

Alt: socks - short or long?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 29 Mar 2011, 10:37, 175 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

There's a rat in me kitchen, what am I going to do, there's a rat in me kitchen what am I going to do.
They just don't make songs like that anymore. Non of this Ooo! baby baby crap.

What's your favorite chorus from a song?

Alt: Painkillers. Who necks them at the first twinge and who waits till they're in agony before taking them?
( girlinthehole, Tue 29 Mar 2011, 8:44, 169 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

there's a spider in my basket of clothes and he's disappeared.
and I'm too scared to pick it up in case he launches himself onto my arm to attack me. What do I do? I can't spray my clothes with bug killer cos then I'll have to wash them again....

edit:
I FOUND HIM. He was hiding on the wood skirting board by the cupboard so I couldn't see him. BUT I GOT HIM. And now I can rest assured he won't crawl into my mouth while I'm asleep.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 28 Mar 2011, 22:43, 7 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Where in God's green earth is everyone?
I've never felt so unloved......well I have but we don't talk about that anymore.

Don't make me have to go on OK Cupid for lols.
( girlinthehole, Mon 28 Mar 2011, 20:20, 175 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I've just been presented with a Facebook ad urging me to join SWISH.
Apparently it's South Warwicks Internet Social Hub - a facebook group for active adults to meet and arrange social/sports activities.

Suuuure. I wonder who came up with that name?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 28 Mar 2011, 18:32, 5 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

May I interject for a moment?
I hate it when I do stupid things like forget to put oil in the car and it rattles like a demented washing machine with a brick in it and the chappie in the garage laughs at me : (

And it didn't even go in the garage for that problem. I was going to sort that out eventually.....like when the car blew up probably.
( girlinthehole, Mon 28 Mar 2011, 15:27, 137 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Customers who are so stupid I should be legally allowed to shoot them
1. After sending a woman loads of choices of radiator and checking everything was in stock etc (her via email) I have just purchased the radiator, can you confirm you have received payment. me: No I haven't can you please confirm which method you used to pay with? They then email me back the receipt for ANOTHER COMPANY. When I pointed this out they emailed "Oh noes!!!!" I laughed from despair...

2. Woman calls up "Erm I think I've bought something from you on eBay. I've never used it before... can you talk me through how to pay. click by click walk through "oh I don't have paypal. Can I pay by card? yes that's fine "ok done" I don't see the payment yet... Really? I pay just by clicking more actions and mark as paid right?

3. "Hello I am calling from abroad. How much it cost?" How much does what cost? Call! CALL! How much call costing me? ....

I'm refusing to answer the phone now. What are you refusing to do?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 28 Mar 2011, 14:15, 151 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I've got the house to myself this week
What shall I do? Besides eating brownie mix and watching Disney back to back.

Alt Q: What would you do that I undoubtedly wouldn't?

PS. I hear Al vommed his chubby face off on Friday, poor little tyke.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 28 Mar 2011, 12:53, 221 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

There's over a hundred replies in that one, so it's NEW THREAD TIME.
Following The Light in Chains' shocking public revelations in this week's Love It! magazine, what's the wrongest relationship you've been involved in?

Alt: Which other b3tans have you encountered a fat version of?
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 28 Mar 2011, 11:43, 109 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Long thread is too long
I cunningly dealt with the clocks going forward this weekend by not going to bed until 5am on Saturday, then going surfing yesterday, followed by another late night. This meant that my drive to Dorset this morning featured the nearest to falling asleep at the wheel I have ever come. I had to stop and have a brief power nap on the way to make sure I didn't crash and die.

What's the most misguided thing you've done recently?

alt: good weekend?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 28 Mar 2011, 10:30, 137 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

My monday has started...
Is anyone else as unlucky as me - to be working at 03:30?

Alt - muesli; is it edible?
(CheatingRabbit, Mon 28 Mar 2011, 3:33, 209 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Two facebook updates this evening have pissed me off
The first is a link to a hatchet job article about the new Enterprise Zones from someone who detests everything the coalition government does on principal. The second is someone laughing disdainfully at the protesters who exercised their democratic right to protest and failing to tell the difference between them and the minority of "anarchist" twats who covered their faces and vandalised shops.

What is it about this country and needing to be so tribalistic about politics? Why do people have to defend half of all politicians to the hilt while proclaiming the other half are all the worst shower of cunts imaginable?

Alt Q: What's your Sunday night tipple? Mine's a Hoegaarden.
( djtrialprice, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 22:09, 78 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I've just watched an episode of Kitchen Nightmares (US)
where Gordon is saving a restaurant called Downcity.

Of course I spent the entire episode hearing that as Downs City and chortling like an 8-year-old.

Seen anything funny, intentionally or otherwise, lately?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 17:50, 107 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Morning lovelies!
Remembered the clocks but time is of no essence when you can't do lie-ins anyway.

What is on everyone's agenda today?
( girlinthehole, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 10:15, 69 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Morning disco!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=zSni2TTirKA

www.youtube.com/watch?v=CNMXIHImnTo

www.youtube.com/watch?v=3wGMsOhaPJs

If that doesn't wake you up, you oughta be six by six and shakin' the groundhog's hand.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Sun 27 Mar 2011, 4:40, Reply)

Disco, anyone?
have a cheeky one:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=LmLDf9XKMfk
(berk, Sat 26 Mar 2011, 22:13, 185 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

My hangover is getting worse.
I fear this evening will be a sober one.

What are you doing this evening?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 26 Mar 2011, 19:06, 184 replies, latest was 15 years ago)