Sam
I worked with Sam for a year. He was a top lad, but a bit of a mental.

Like the time he was kicked out of his house, because the landlord had sold it, and the new owner wanted to live in it. The landlord hadn't actually told them this was happening until the very last minute.

So, Sam and housemates, who were crusties, drop-outs, squatters and the like, decided to have a party to celebrate their leaving of their abode, and make a bit of mess in due course, as a bit of revenge. Well, not so much a party, more of a Bacchanalian riot.

After returning with 50+ friends from the pub, and after much further drunken merriment the group decided a bonfire would be great. So, they collected fuel for the fire...

...which was basically the contents of the house. Kitchen cabinets, wardrobes, mattresses, beds, the lot. All on the fire in the garden.

Then, it started to rain.

Normally at this point, the party would have died down at the same rate as the fire. But oh no. They decided to have a painting competition. With the tins of emulsion in the cellar, applied to the walls of the living room and kitchen.

So, upon entering his new house, the proud owner found the words 'THIS HOUSE IS FUCKED' in bright magnolia on the walls, all the fixtures and fittings in a smouldering mess on the back garden, and some of the floorboards and doors missing. This was after they'd found the three piece suite at the bottom of the road where they'd been having armchair races.

Sam got away with it, somehow, as he had an alibi. The rest (the aformentioned crusty types) disappeared off the face of the earth apparently.

Sam lived with me for a week after that. I was very scared.

But hey, that taught the landlord.
(scentless_apprentice takes two bottles into the shower!, Thu 26 Apr 2007, 22:36, Reply)

Anti-Bullying is a bitch
My school had an anti-bullying policy, that basically meant, anyone younger than you was un-touchable, cue being a year 10 lad, very pissed off at the fact that first years were able to make your life hell and you wouldn't be able to do anything about it, after a week of torture, I snapped, picked up their ringleader by the throat and threw him to the ground, he cried, I laughed, that was one of the best feelings I ever had, I got away with it as well. certainly taught them, they haven't even been able to look me in the eye since
(Maccy Divided by 0 on, Thu 26 Apr 2007, 22:35, Reply)

Air space
Those twin towers.
They were in my air space, blocking my sun.
(Good Looking Deity Grew a magnificent beard on, Thu 26 Apr 2007, 22:35, Reply)

Johnny Heist
I used to work in a pharmacy way back when, earning money after school delivering prescriptions on my bike to the old and sick, Like a paper round but it paid about 6 quid a week better. All of the addresses were in short riding distance to the shop apart from one nursing home out the back of bumfuck, a full 45 minutes there and back, which in winter months was a slag. And the place really did stink of piss.

To get around this problem (I was a lazy twat) I would pass on the package to my step mum who was a district night nurse, and she would drop it off on her rounds later in the evening. Only problem was she was on valium at the time, and one evening forgot to take the bag of pills.

I get into work the next day and my boss smacks me full blooded over the head with an A4 lever arch file. twice. would have been three but i took evasive action. apparently the importance of the prescription to the nursing home had been understated, resulting in the old dear being rushed to hospital in the middle of the night before.

As a rational adult I would have accepted responsibility, however I was 14 and no fucker smacks me over the head with anything and gets away with it. Luckily this pharmacy sold condoms, lots of them. lite, ribbed, flavoured, everything - durex branded too. So I went out back to the storage room and filled my rucksack, pockets, even my socks with boxes of condoms and slipped unnoticed out the back door, never to return.

Selling them individually at school and around my estate made me about 60 quid, equivalent to 3 weeks wages - what I thought of as 'severance pay'. The pharmacy was under new management shortly afterwards, and looking back I have no idea why the police were never called.

4 years reading this messageboard, first post. Get in!
(Hullandback, Thu 26 Apr 2007, 22:24, Reply)

I too...
Know where Yoda's Bong is coming from.
Big on brains, long hair, took drama, should've just painted a target.

Chav bullies in my maths class kept turning around and spitting on me and the two people either side.

The girl next to me worked their timing out to a tee.
They turned around for the final time....

She lunged and stabbed the leader in the tounge with a compass.
And lo, it was a glorious day for geeks everywhere.

Good times.
(Good Looking Deity Grew a magnificent beard on, Thu 26 Apr 2007, 22:24, Reply)

Oh look..it does shatter
(kinda a revenge/lesson story, but bum to you if you dont like it)
Well...school...
Crap time had by moi..small in size, big on brains(cells) and genrally better then pond life that went there with me.
Bullys.. god i hate them...

then one day... my mind snapped...{insert sound of mind schnapping here]

was in maths class..and the twunt behind me kept hitting the back of my chair

So I sttod up..and quite calmly..picked up one of those rock hard plastic rulers..you know the ones ment to be "Shatter proof".

This then was applied to back of his head with enough force to shatter said ruler and send pieces of it all over the classroom.

In the storm like quite that followed, I calmly sat down and continued with my work.

No-one even looked at me funny. Shame i not do it a few years earlier
(Yoda's Bong Been a worshiper of the dark ones since, Thu 26 Apr 2007, 22:08, Reply)

Well, We Tried to Teach Him....
The Boys name was Dave.

He was a pretty smart kid at chess, maths and the like, but he had the commen sense of a....well...lets share some examples.

First example...Minor...

My Friend Chad and I were walking with Dave to the local shop. We were teens at the time, going to get lots of suger for a purpose that would be in no way good. Dave likes to show off, see thats his thing...he just does it. If you're doing something, he had to prove he could do a better job, if ofcourse it was cool enough for him. So here we are walking and talking, dave sees a bottle over yonder and decides..'I'm gone go kick this and be right bad ass!', so he goes and does, as Chad and I watch. I'm fiddling with a "For Sale" sign stuck in the ground and realise that the thing isn't in the ground very good. So....I giggle and whisper to my friend Chad..a plan..that will sure to get some more giggles.
Dave gets back from "Teaching that bottle" when he sees me tugging on a for sale sign. I'm really pulling...or so it seems....and so I ask Chad to help me pull this hard bugger out of the ground...we make like we're pulling and pulling when..on que...Dave swarms in.

" Fuck Let Me!"

So we say "OK Dave try if you want"

So Dave runs over eager to show his manly man skills, and he pulls..

Well doesn't that fucker begin a journey to the moon, and Dave falls flat on his arse, and Chad and I Laughing like loons...he wasn't amused....

Second Example.....a little less minor...or could have been.

We are all out walking again..in our Canadian winter such as it is and we are crossing a bridge when My mate Chad decideds to offer up an Idea. Chad bought this mini game system...can't remember the exact name but it was like a game boy only lame, anyhow Dave was going to buy it off him. Chad says then and there, that if he jumps into the freezing creek, he'll just give it to him....this was supposed to be a joke...till we saw dave get up onto the endge of the bridge......we told him to not be such a dumb fucking cunt and to come down....eventually he did and thats a good thing. It was still 10 minutes walk to my house and 10 minutes is a long time to walk in freezing wet cloths in winter..and I didn't feel like caring for his dumb sick ass all weekend.

Example 3 ....fairly amusing

Dave and his best mate are fighting.....they do this on account that his best mate Shamus winds him up. All the time. Because it's easy.
Now...I'm not sure what Shamus did or said this time...but I do know that what ever it was, caused Dave to open the tool box and start hurrling spanners. Now Shamus doesn't throw back, he knows Dave is angry..he has entered "The Dave Rage" as we liked to call it, and couldn't hit a fucking thing. He would just spit, go red, yell and throw things.

Shamus managed to run around a corner and Dave fallows..screwdriver in hand. When dave finally makes the corner Shamus is standing in the doorway to the patio outside, and he's grinning like a motherfucker. Dave supreses the rage...and takes carefull aim. Not saying a word Shamus just nods at him with a foolish grim saying "Cmon Dave..throw it!"

Dave throws it.

The screw driver is right on target, heading Straight for Shamus's chest. and BANG!....but wait...

The screwdriver is hovering right in front of Shamus...and what are those cracks in mid air...getting slowly bigger?

Shamus had mannaged to close the glass patio door before Dave made it around that corner and they both watched as it continued to crack until it fell into shards.

He got a bollocking when his mom got home, and as always...for an unknown reason, Shamus got off scott free.

Apologies for Length...but I could go a lot longer. We tried to teach em but...
(Nihlistic_Alchemist Brand the Herd with Fashion, Thu 26 Apr 2007, 22:00, Reply)

Never knock down my house of cards
Whilst bored in the 6th form library one day I started to build a house of cards, cheating slightly using super strong postcards to make it easier for myself obviously. I managed to build a fairly large tower when one gormless idiot decided to nudge the table to knock it down.

I went the long way round (unusual for me, I am an extremly lazy person) before shoving him in the desk. It wasn't a hard shove but the fact that I went to the effort of doing so apparently scared him slightly. He never did like me, I was one of the few people he didn't try and touch up when he came out the closet.
(tranmerefan, Thu 26 Apr 2007, 21:42, Reply)

Number 4
Last one folks, sorry I'm being a bit of a QOTW whore this week after having been away for the last few...

Playing rugby for my local club one weekend i was threatened by a member of the opposing team coming out of the tunnel, something to do with what he had done to my girlfriend the previous night.

As luck would have it, the ball went sailing in his direction at the kick off (i may or may not have had a part to play in that), so i dutifully made my way towards him at high velocity and put in the most horrifically brutal tackle i could muster.

Let me tell you, the feeling of someones bone snapping beneath your body is gut wrenchingly horrible. Anyway, i stood up silently, kicked him in the mouth and sauntered away to the action.

Ambulances were called, parents on the touchlines screamed bloody murder at yours truly (the kick to the mouth was in plain sight) and careers were possibly ruined.

I didnt have a girlfriend at the time but that taught him.

Click "i like this" if you're violently wretching right about now.
( Mister B is eating an icanhazcheezburger with lmaonaise, Thu 26 Apr 2007, 21:39, Reply)

They were staying with us, so it's fair really...
Many moons ago, when I was but 18 or so, my parents had some friends who had fallen on hard times. This was mainly due to the parents of the family being as dumb as brushes. Anyway, they were temporarily houseless, so the the two younger daughters came to stay with us.

"W00t!" I thought (well, not quite). They had a video - this was back in the days when videos had big piano keys on them and came in VHS and Betamax. So a big novelty.

These two. There was the youngest daughter, who was slightly stuck up, but mostly OK. And then there was her older sister, who was a total bitch. She was so up herself, it was amazing she didn't revolve.

Somehow, I ended up driving this pair back from somewhere to our house. In my car. On my petrol. Anyway, the middle daughter (called Angela, even though she was as far from an angel as you could get - I'm guessing Bitchula was taken or something) was loudly criticising my clothes, my car, my lifestyle, the lot. Get this - she was going on about me living with my parents, when she was, er, living with my parents.

Eventually she said something about she was a better driver than me, even though I had a license and she didn't. I stopped the car, and politely asked if my driving was that bad. She claimed it was. I asked her if she'd feel safer outside the car. She said she probably would. I invited her to check. She got out of the car, and slammed the door pointedly.

I drove off. We were only a couple of miles from home. Her sister said that she couldn't believe I'd done that, and that she'd tell my Dad. I told her to go for it, as my Dad would probably have done the same thing.

We got home. My Dad asked where Angela was. Before I could say a word, her sister piped up and told my Dad the story. When she finished, he asked if this was, in fact, true. I said that it was.

His answer: "Good lad!"

Angela never spoke to me again. No loss, she was an arrogant, ugly, stuck up, miserable swamp donkey.

Oh, er, I never did anything to any milk when I was at Uni. Sorry, I didn't realise questions would be asked later.
(purplegod counting down for Christmas!, Thu 26 Apr 2007, 21:33, Reply)

Number 3
Nearly done, promise.

Another ex girlfriend, a few months after a bad breakup, rang me to tell me i needed to go to the GUM clinic and get myself tested.

My tests all came back clean, but as a result of her sleeping around and being a general whore behind my back and after breaking up while still trying to get me back, she had contracted Chlamydia and Genital Warts.

That (sort of) taught her, well it did when the entire staff of the famous Bar/Restaurant/Casino complex on newGATE street in Newcastle in which she worked were told by way of security radio system.

Yay me!
( Mister B is eating an icanhazcheezburger with lmaonaise, Thu 26 Apr 2007, 21:28, Reply)

A lad I live with who is a massive vain windowlicking mong
often has very long showers, meaning no-one can use the bathroom for 45 minutes at a time.

So every now and then, while I'm making myself a sandwich and he's having a cleanliness orgy, I just turn off the hot water for a minute or so.
The sound of his big girly squeals, audible from the kitchen, fill me with sadistic delight.

And the best thing is, he still hasn't cottoned on yet.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 26 Apr 2007, 21:25, Reply)

Number 2
One ex girlfriend was cheating on me for 9 months of our 11 month relationship (fair play to her she was very cever about it, anyhoo). The day i found out i decided to break things off with her very calmly and respectfully, offering to stay the night as a "last time together" sort of thing. During the night i wreaked my crafty revenge (on top of the usual toothrush down the pants, jizz in the milk)...

I poked holes in all the condoms i could find in her drawers.

I changed all the passwords on her pc.

I took the fuse out of her £100 hair straighteners.

I took back the mobile phone i had bought her leaving her simcard sitting on the bedside table.

I took some salmon steaks from the freezer and left them behind the boiler, but by far my favourite...

She (and her housemates) were very interested in the tat they show on channels such as E4 (not Scrubs, stuff like Ugly Betty, The OC etc.) so i decided to take back the Cable box i had bought them as a housewarming gift (and paid two months subscription) and removed the fuse from the TV.

They were also extremely lazy and lived in a house with a dishwasher, from which i stole the cutlery basket.

I decided to call it a day and get a cab home after that.
( Mister B is eating an icanhazcheezburger with lmaonaise, Thu 26 Apr 2007, 21:22, Reply)

Four Brains
We had a contractor who we called Four Brains.

He took it as a complement - even answered to it - everyone called him that and we even had a salute.

Thing is, he is/was a twat.

The name?

Four Brains....

Shit for brains - That is.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Thu 26 Apr 2007, 21:16, Reply)

Sleepy Nick versus The Onion
As he called me a numpty for not mentioning the following in the "Housemates from Hell" QOTW (he wasn't a housemate from hell, just very...sleepy), I'll be providing my (much more relevant) video entry now:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=2YffnzLSoHE

Now THAT taught him.
(Cheesecake Like a cake...But cheese, Thu 26 Apr 2007, 21:13, Reply)

Good for the skin...
In my final year at Uni I shared a house with two lovely girls and a dickhead bloke. He was a columbian, who thought he was some sort of gangsta drug baron but was actually just a girly twat who, it transpired, used to knock his girlfriend about.

He was also a great big ponce who used lots of vanilla face cream.

So I wanked in it.

Twice.
(Iris_Wildthyme is three sheets to the wind, Thu 26 Apr 2007, 21:07, Reply)

Number 1
Driving home from work through the city centre one night my friends and i stopped for a bite to eat. Long story short, we met a group of girls we all knew, one of whom was all over me like a (very drunken and thus horny and not ashamed too admit it) rash. I decided it best not to take advantage and drove everyone to their separate houses when we were ready to leave.

Of course in school i discussed the previous nights antics with my mates, infamously using the phrase "shoulda, woulda, coulda" when describing the girl...

About a week later we were out again, drunk ourselves this time, when the same girl approached me and made it obvious she knew of my use of the above embarassing phrase, and was willing to divulge who spread the news, so long as i hatched a revenge plan with her.

Again, to cut a long story short, i bought some Viagra from the doormen... we sat down either side of him and she spiked his drink, after about 15 mins of idle chit-chat i brazenly leaned across him to snog the girl, whilst subtly emptying a bottle of water onto the culprits crotch.

Oh the hilarity when he realised he couldnt conceal his "excitement" while the girl was "drying" the front of his trousers, and for the next 12 hours (allegedly).


Length, i didnt get chance to see, his pants were pretty wet and so were mine as a result of pissing myslef laughing.
( Mister B is eating an icanhazcheezburger with lmaonaise, Thu 26 Apr 2007, 21:05, Reply)

burning in the lab
One of the guys in my science class pissed me off (victim of bullying) so i decided to get him back.
I took one of the glass rods (used for stirring) and put it in the bunsen burner until it glowed red.

I then turned to him and asked him to hold it for me.

He probably still has the scar to this day and the detention was only a week in the science lab which wasn't too bad as it was wet and freezing outside :D
( Plomien is Polish for flame, Thu 26 Apr 2007, 20:35, Reply)

...
I think it was christmas one year and my brother had got 2 cars, and one of them was pink and white, now me being the young girl I was LOVED pink so, came to the conclusion I just had to play with this car, my brother however had didn't ideas and wouldn't let me.

Now, I wasn't usually a vindictive little bitch, but not letting me play with the pink car apparently was enough to tip me over the edge, so, I waited til he had left them alone, and hid them. Yup, I hid the cars. He was fairly upset cause he couldn't find them and I was oddly proud with myself. I owned up eventually, but... er that taught him?!
(lei, Thu 26 Apr 2007, 20:29, Reply)

i used to be a teacher
...
( its_hatorah_bitch is b3ta the devil you know on, Thu 26 Apr 2007, 20:10, Reply)

Think I've posted about this before...
...but I can't find it for lazy linkage. Ah well, how about one of my special lengthy ones?

Although we have a new understanding as grown-ups, my older brother and I didn't get on as kids - usual sibling interrebellion chalk-and-cheese type stuff. Essentially, he was the badboy and I was the geek - we were both happy in our roles aside from each other's presence. We shared a bedroom in an old two-up-two-down terrace for awhile - if you think that's northern, get this - it even had an outside toilet - now you know I was brought up on lard butties ;)

Our beds were on opposite sides of the room. They were supposed to be bunk beds but for obvious reasons, berthing us in such close proximity turned out to be a really bad idea. Between the beds at the pillow end was a painted dresser, presumably to stop us swinging at each other in the night. At some point, I was 10ish, he 12ish, my brother got to his marker grafitti (graffiti? I dunno) phase and wrote '{THATBLOKE} STIKS OF SHIT' on the side of the dresser facing my bed - pillock even spelled my name wrong - my NAME - it's only five bloody letters long. He was in high school by this point ffs.

He had a shit-eating grin the entire night but eventually was a tad pissed off when it became clear I was just bemused by the fact that he may have well have scrawled 'I AM A FUCKWIT' there instead. He started with the prodding a la '...so what you gonna do about it, shortarse? Eh? Eh? What?'. Truth is, I'd already decided what to do about it.

The next day, I went out during my school lunch break with some of my pocket money and bought a red marker. When I got home, always hours before he did as he was always running around with one bunch of dickheads or another back then, I took my marker and corrected his spelling. Not the foulest vengeance ever, granted, but I thought and still think of it as one of few times I've achieved something effective yet sublime :)

To be honest, I thought he'd think it was funny too and these days he does see the funny side. Back then though, he went apeshit and told our Mum that I'd been drawing on the dresser with a marker. Git.

No fooling Mum, however - she surveyed the damage and figured out the story in a flash. She confiscated the markers and bollocked us both whilst trying to keep a straight face. She still tells people about it now.
(thatblokeoverthere not quite as much an arsehole as I thought, Thu 26 Apr 2007, 19:52, Reply)

The Cresta Run...
In the pub one night, for some reason - OK, I was winding him up - one of my best mates took offence and poured most of a pint of beer over my head.

Did I smash his face off?

No.

I nipped home, had a shower and changed my clothes. Then back to the pub, stopping at a corner shop on the way.

"So why the beer chucking?" I asked my pal.

"You deserved it," he said importantly.

"Look what I've got," I said, producing the can of Pineapple Cresta (yes, it was al l-o-n-g time ago) from my pocket and shaking it in front of him quite vigorously.

Then I opened it in his face, made sure his groin was liberaly doused, and ran off before he went Tonto.

Happy days...
( MisterPunch did it that way on, Thu 26 Apr 2007, 19:49, Reply)

I worked for a civil engineering firm...
...as a drafter in the early 90s. I already had a lot of computer knowledge and a lot of knowledge of AutoCAD anyway, so whenever anyone had a computer problem and they couldn't find the official geeks, they called me.

So of course I got to know the geeks pretty well, and often had a beer or three with them. During this time I found out that the company had been having the geeks load AutoCAD onto every new machine they bought- all the same copy. The geeks knew that this was wildly illegal, but followed orders under protest. The arrogant fucks in charge didn't really care about such details.

Well, the day came when I had a falling out with the boss, and the arrogant fucks fired me. I managed to land another job in less than a week, but I was still pissed off.

So about two months later I turned them in to AutoDesk.

I can envision their horror when it came to light that they had about 120 illegal copies of AutoCAD and had to buy legitimate copies at full retail price. I believe that it cost them well over $300K- not to mention the down time while they were being audited. The grand total was probably closer to a half million dollars.

Moral of the story: don't piss off the geeks. We know where the skeletons are.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 26 Apr 2007, 19:42, Reply)

A guy
was sitting next to me and was constantly asking for money. Im a nice guy normaly, and can tolerate this kind of behaviour.
After a few hours, I had enough. As soon as I stood up, I heard a "hey mayte cord you sparree sum change GRAAAGHH"

I kicked that tramp in the face as hard as I could. Then i kicked him again. And again. And again. Infact I kept kicking him until all that was left of his face was his nose- which was for some reason, made from steel. Just to make sure he was dead I shot him with my shotgun about 5 times.

Then, I ran him over with a steamroller and dumped his poor excuse for a body on the train tracks. Once the train had done its business, I put him in a vat of whisky for a few days.

When I took him out I set him on fire and he burnt for a long time. Finally I put him in a rocket and sent him to the moon.

Do not ask me for change, because I will do the same to you.
(abignumber, Thu 26 Apr 2007, 19:19, Reply)

Every week...
...I read QOTW and find pages of bloody awful puns by apeloverage.

So I clicked "Ignore"

That certainly taught him!

*cough* I like this *cough*
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 26 Apr 2007, 19:15, Reply)

I was a surveyor.
We were out in the woods on a farm doing a topological survey one fall afternoon, and I was the one carrying the prism rod (that is, not the one running the instrument). I had just taken a measurement when a godawful BANG went off near me.

"Jim?" I yelled. "What the fuck was that?"

"Don't worry about it. Just take the last shot and come out of there."

When I emerged from the woods Jim looked highly annoyed. "Two guys asked me if they could go hunting in there and I told them no, that I had someone out there. The assholes just circled around behind you and went in there anyway."

My blood went cold as I thought about these Elmer Fudds shooting around me. Just as I was going to say something about them there was another BANG, this time a lot louder- in other words, they were aiming toward us.

I let out a terrible scream which about made Jim shit, and he stared at me. I shrugged and said, "Just giving them something to think about." And I picked up the instrument and headed toward the truck.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 26 Apr 2007, 19:14, Reply)

Well
.
Over the years I've had my fair share of revenge stories. But my tried and tested method of destroying someones career is really very simple.

Give them a nickname. If it sticks, they're fucked.

Bungle - Head of desktop services at an insurance company. Tried to get me fired. Ended up having a nervous breakdown when even the IT Director started to call him Bungle. Now makes wicker baskets.

Thrush - 'cos he's an irritating cunt. Everyone one in the company has seen the e-mail I sent round about him when I christened him - except him and he happily answers to Thrush - he thinks it's cute.

BUS. Big,Ugly,Stupid. He didn't last long as project manager once that got round.

Yup, nicknames are the way to go. I usually end up getting even, one way or the other. Only one person on my list at the minute and I'll get around to him eventually. Won't I, Incompetent Fuckwit? - I haven't forgotten about you :)

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 26 Apr 2007, 19:09, Reply)

Hyperactive brother
My little brother is only little in the sense he's younger than me, ever since i can remember he's been bigger, well taller and wider of shoulder anyway, can't comment about anything else.....

Anyhow we must have been about 10 and 12, i was playing a computer game and he was making annoying noises to wind me up when i died. So as you do, i did the same to him when it was his turn. He gets mad, very mad.

I must point out that in those days there were lurid orange food colourings in pretty much everything, and especially orange flavoured drinks and sweets, something which as kids we consumed a lot of. These colourings also affected my brother in such a way that he would get violent and then pass out in a stupour when his rage had subsided, sort of like unsociable coke if you will.

So i see the tell tale signs of "colouring rage" coming on, namely his lips swelling and going purpler than normal.

I run, he rugby tackles me to the ground and proceeds to beat my head into the floor, i eventually escape and lock myself in the toilet like the true coward i am.

He then realises that his thumb is now hanging off, i'd actually headbutted (ahem) his hand to bits.

To this day he's got a nasty scar where they rebuilt his thumb, ironically my name begins with W and his with M, the exact shape of that scar.

And to this day he also gets terrible pains in his joint from the cold and wet, that'll teach him.
(wesimmo, Thu 26 Apr 2007, 19:03, Reply)

Makro Edinburgh
I used to work for a nasty retail chain in Scotland, the managers there always adopted the "I am much too important for this" attitude when dealing with the staff, and working conditions there were hell.

I had handed in my notice (I was fed up with the abuse from managers and customers) and on my last day, a few minutes before the end of my shift, I decided to get my revenge on those evil managers.

Every receipt printed there has a promotional message on it, usually some shit about special offers and such, I logged into a terminal (only one user name and password, everyone used) and accessed this data, I changed it so that every receipt had the words "The managers in Makro are Fucking Wankers"

It was hilarious, as apparently it took them three days to notice it, and hundreds of receipts had been printed, Imagine if you had just bought something from them, and noticed that printed on the receipt!
( Squiggy Alloria makes theme parks., Thu 26 Apr 2007, 18:55, Reply)

14 year old me.
Me mate and I were around his girlfriends house plus a few other people.

His girlfriend’s little sister starts being a right little cow and won’t shut up being annoy and taking the piss. As her parents were in the next room I was unable to smack her in the mouth or make her cry and she knew it.

So after a bit of a think, I got up and walked out of the house.

I met my mates a few hours later and they all took the piss about how she upset me. When that all died down the older sister (mates girl) told us that when everyone else left little sis got a right bollocking and was sent to her room sobbing her eyes our.

My fucking big grin reply - Thought she would.

And the piss takers were put to shame by the cunning of my plan.

Mwhaa haa haa

*edit a few days later little sis was being a shit again, so big sis told her what I'd done and took the piss something fierce.
Mwhaa haa haaaaaaaaaar
(waxdart hello., Thu 26 Apr 2007, 18:52, Reply)