afternoon
I'm not in the fucking mood for this week, bollocks to it.
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 13 Sep 2021, 12:31, archived)

alright

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 13 Sep 2021, 12:36, archived)

n

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 13 Sep 2021, 12:39, archived)

I've booked a week off at the end of the month to visit my mate Jim oop North

( mongychops, Mon 13 Sep 2021, 12:37, archived)

*GAROLD KLAXON*

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 13 Sep 2021, 12:39, archived)

he's not drunk himself to death yet then
good news
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 13 Sep 2021, 12:39, archived)

Nah he seems nicely settled in , be a year since he moved

( mongychops, Mon 13 Sep 2021, 13:22, archived)

has it really? my perception of time has gone to absolute shit over the past 18 months

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 13 Sep 2021, 13:43, archived)

That was just a week m8

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 13 Sep 2021, 13:50, archived)

woah, dude

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 13 Sep 2021, 13:56, archived)

I wanted a couple of days in Blackpool for my birthday next month
But everywhere is booked solid, except shitty b&b's
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 13 Sep 2021, 13:49, archived)

UK holiday bookings are through the roof in terms of demand and price
Good news for the UK economy I suppose
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 13 Sep 2021, 13:59, archived)

& r
+ bins
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 13 Sep 2021, 14:28, archived)

heh

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 13 Sep 2021, 14:29, archived)

Afternoon
Might attack the tub of lemon sorbet in the freezer
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 13 Sep 2021, 13:50, archived)

funnily enough that's what I did last night after a hefty reefer

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 13 Sep 2021, 13:56, archived)

I like a good sorbet

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 13 Sep 2021, 14:57, archived)

I tried lemon Dole Whip for the first time yesterday, it was great

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 13 Sep 2021, 15:58, archived)

Dole Whip sounds great,
just what we need to incentivise the lazy workshy scroungers back to work.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 13 Sep 2021, 16:09, archived)

Not tried that

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 13 Sep 2021, 16:18, archived)

I made ice cream this afternoon
not a euphemism
( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Mon 13 Sep 2021, 16:25, archived)

Spent the weekend getting shouted at by a stranger, upset, online.

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 13 Sep 2021, 15:44, archived)

result

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 13 Sep 2021, 15:47, archived)

WHAT?!!

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 13 Sep 2021, 15:59, archived)

I DISAGREE, YOU ARE UPSET

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 13 Sep 2021, 16:04, archived)

I THINK YOU’LL FIND YOU ARE UPSET. I AM NOT THE ONE TYPING IN ALL CAPS.

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 13 Sep 2021, 17:08, archived)

HAHA YOU HAVE FALLEN INTO MY TRAP, AND IT IS NOW PLAIN TO SEE THAT YOU ARE UPSET AND I AM THE VICTOR

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 13 Sep 2021, 17:36, archived)

Hello, Victor

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 13 Sep 2021, 17:44, archived)

Morning
My partner's idiot conspiracy theory-loving stepsister and her partner asked me yesterday if I could get hold of some ivermectin for them, to keep in their bathroom cupboard "just in case" they got covid, citing Joe Rogan. What's the stupidest fucking thing someone's said to you recently?
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 13 Sep 2021, 6:40, archived)

morning
lol @ this numpty
( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Mon 13 Sep 2021, 6:54, archived)

Such a thin line between clever and stupid.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 13 Sep 2021, 7:05, archived)

ikr?
it was almost brilliant
( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Mon 13 Sep 2021, 7:25, archived)

b3ta

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 13 Sep 2021, 7:32, archived)

4eva

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 13 Sep 2021, 8:11, archived)

Taxi driver last week
Told me he would never get the vaccine because he won't have anyone following him or tracking where he goes. He said he never uses technology of any kind. This was 2 minutes after asking for the postcode of where I was going so he could put it in the satnav.
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 13 Sep 2021, 7:47, archived)

were you talking to him?

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 13 Sep 2021, 7:53, archived)

I asked if he would prefer me to wear a mask in his cab

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 13 Sep 2021, 10:02, archived)

what's moonlighting?

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 13 Sep 2021, 10:12, archived)

A really shit show with sybil shepherd and Bruce Willis

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 13 Sep 2021, 10:13, archived)

Sunlighting at night

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 13 Sep 2021, 16:01, archived)

Yeah, idiot stepsister doesn't believe anything the government tells her
and relies instead on looking up everything on her smartphone, using Google.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 13 Sep 2021, 8:12, archived)

>Doesn't use technology of any kind
Drives a car for a living
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 13 Sep 2021, 8:25, archived)

Exactly

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 13 Sep 2021, 10:01, archived)

morning
internet problems this morning, just to add to my already-joyful state of mine. dibnah af
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 13 Sep 2021, 8:30, archived)

New York state of mine

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 13 Sep 2021, 8:51, archived)

might play some Mindcraft

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 13 Sep 2021, 8:53, archived)

Don't step on a lanemind.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 13 Sep 2021, 9:48, archived)

I'll bear that in mine

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 13 Sep 2021, 10:29, archived)

it's a wife-mine now, Dave!

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 13 Sep 2021, 9:00, archived)

the brilliantly-named 'the porcupine from purgatory'

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 13 Sep 2021, 9:18, archived)

Gosh, thankees mateyplops *smoosh*
*enclickens*
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 13 Sep 2021, 9:21, archived)

dunno off the top of my head
I'm lucky enough to not have any mental relatives, and I have almost no friends
(sticklebrlcks 💅, Mon 13 Sep 2021, 10:14, archived)

lol

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 13 Sep 2021, 10:17, archived)

Never underestimate the stupidity of complete strangers.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 13 Sep 2021, 10:37, archived)

on the recent anniversary of the moon landings
I had a customer bring it up purely so he could tell me he didn't believe it happened. He did it in a way that made me think he wanted a debate, so I said 'oh right' and carried on with the work.

Fucking twat.
(sticklebrlcks 💅, Mon 13 Sep 2021, 10:52, archived)

I was in a shitty backpacker's hostel in Kalgoorlie 11 years ago
and there was an advert on the TV for a programme about the moon landings. The psychotic middle-aged English cleaner/co-'manager', who was walking past with the hoover, suddenly bellowed "THAT'S BULLSHIT, WE NEVER WENT THERE!" and then carried on with her duties. You know what, I think she's right, she never went there.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 13 Sep 2021, 11:09, archived)

The moon is actually hollow. Fact
Aliens from the Dungeon Dimensions are piloting it. Get real!
(Pres Putin Masturbated on the ruins on, Mon 13 Sep 2021, 11:49, archived)

You fucking sheep.
That's just one of their cover-up stories to distract people from the fact the moon doesn't exist. It's a hologram projected by a drone to fool people into thinking the world isn't flat.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 13 Sep 2021, 11:54, archived)

clueless, fucking clueless *shakes head*
the "moon" is a reflection of our cosmic disc. What we 'see' as the moon is actually our Altantean plateau bubble habitat reflected off the surface of the sea. We're trapped in a fabricated environment underwater by Venusian space lizards which is why CO2 levels are rising
(sticklebrlcks 💅, Mon 13 Sep 2021, 12:13, archived)

I just found about £300 worth of vintage cameras next to a bin.
What's the most valuable thing you pulled out of a skip recently?
( brb Monkhouse Stampede, Sun 12 Sep 2021, 17:36, archived)

life choices were made by the former owner of those cameras
never pulled anything out of a skip, i don't think. i've been pulled out of one, though. not the best place for a nap when you're shitfaced
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 12 Sep 2021, 17:42, archived)

Is this the culmination of your lifelong bin obsession?

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sun 12 Sep 2021, 17:48, archived)

Remember to put your bins out.

( brb Monkhouse Stampede, Sun 12 Sep 2021, 17:57, archived)

bins went out friday, m8

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 12 Sep 2021, 18:00, archived)

put take

+ Laden

#9/11 #NeverForget
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Sun 12 Sep 2021, 19:41, archived)

b3ta

(Runcorn shitty limits, Sun 12 Sep 2021, 17:53, archived)

The wallet in the pocket of the last person I poisoned with novichok smeared all over a vintage camera I left next to a bin.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Sun 12 Sep 2021, 17:53, archived)

+ Of the harem of the court of King Caractacus

(Runcorn shitty limits, Sun 12 Sep 2021, 17:55, archived)

stay about from my bins

(Agent Pr1ck llǝɯs ǝɥʇ sʇI ˙ǝɔɐld sᴉɥʇ ǝʇɐɥ l, Sun 12 Sep 2021, 20:06, archived)

Nothing worth nicking in yours anyway.

( brb Monkhouse Stampede, Sun 12 Sep 2021, 22:47, archived)

So you've had a look, then?

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sun 12 Sep 2021, 23:15, archived)

Yours is all leaky biros and touched ham.

( brb Monkhouse Stampede, Sun 12 Sep 2021, 23:43, archived)

Last week I found what looked like an ornate Easter egg or something. Turned out to be a genuine Faberge egg, $700,000

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 13 Sep 2021, 0:56, archived)

Auctioneers Hate Him!

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 13 Sep 2021, 6:38, archived)

Last week I found what looked like a bag of washing powder or something. Turned out to be 100% pure heroin, $700,000

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 13 Sep 2021, 0:59, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/8311087
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sun 12 Sep 2021, 8:54, archived)

Morning

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Sun 12 Sep 2021, 9:25, archived)

Alright Smashy.
Bit quiet, innit?
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sun 12 Sep 2021, 12:49, archived)

Dead on its arse

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Sun 12 Sep 2021, 12:52, archived)

If only Literally Hitler were here to liven the place up a bit.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sun 12 Sep 2021, 17:18, archived)

he'd have it jumping like a frog on a hotplate and no mistake

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 12 Sep 2021, 17:40, archived)

alright
apparently the artful dodger are playing a weekend festival in the carpark next to my house. Nice of them to give us some warning.
I'd go wipe shit on their car door handles if I didn't have to pay to get in. They'll never be forgiven for giving the world Craig fucking David
(sticklebrlcks 💅, Sun 12 Sep 2021, 12:51, archived)

A festival in a car park? Sounds positively bucolic.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sun 12 Sep 2021, 17:17, archived)

I went past at about 9pm and there were about 8 people there

(sticklebrlcks 💅, Mon 13 Sep 2021, 10:09, archived)

morning

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Sat 11 Sep 2021, 6:52, archived)

and to you

( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Sat 11 Sep 2021, 7:04, archived)

Morning

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Sat 11 Sep 2021, 9:07, archived)

A bottle of mint e-cig liquid just burst all over me
I smell like a fucking packet of polo's
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Sat 11 Sep 2021, 11:01, archived)

Isn't that quite dangerous? I mean you can absorb nicotine through your skin, can't you?

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sat 11 Sep 2021, 16:28, archived)

Well, yes and no.
Nicotine patches work by applying a drug delivery system which applies a steady, measured quantity to the skin - it's designed to deliver nicotine dermally. If you spill e-cig liquid all over yourself, it'll mostly just run off. I can't see that being a particularly high risk of nicotine poisoning, assuming that the exposed skin was washed soon afterwards.

I'd be far more worried about exposure to whatever the fuck else they put in that shit.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Sat 11 Sep 2021, 17:27, archived)

Well this was mint flavored, so I expect it was the finest dew-fresh hand-finished free-range mint leaves.

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 11 Sep 2021, 17:59, archived)

I did wash it off straight away
Must admit, I never considered the possibility of absorbing it
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Sat 11 Sep 2021, 18:30, archived)

What did you think happens when you inhale it?

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Sat 11 Sep 2021, 18:49, archived)

You absorb a small amount
But I spilled almost a full bottle on myself
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Sat 11 Sep 2021, 20:11, archived)

wasn't there a trend a few years ago
where students would soak tampons in vodka and stuff them up their bums in order to get drunk without having their breath smell of alcohol?

probably the biggest load of science bullshit of the decade
( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Sat 11 Sep 2021, 19:03, archived)

I think that was a Scandinavian thing

(Agent Pr1ck llǝɯs ǝɥʇ sʇI ˙ǝɔɐld sᴉɥʇ ǝʇɐɥ l, Sat 11 Sep 2021, 19:05, archived)

those wakki Scandinavians

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Sat 11 Sep 2021, 19:12, archived)

I'm pretty sure that would work, actually.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sat 11 Sep 2021, 20:37, archived)

it would get you drunk alright, I'm just not sure about the breath bit

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Sat 11 Sep 2021, 23:59, archived)

Stop scaremongering, it's a well known fact that vape liquid is a perfectly safe mixture of performance enhancing nicotine, delicious organic flavourings and chemicals which are clinically proven to make you look cool.

(Agent Pr1ck llǝɯs ǝɥʇ sʇI ˙ǝɔɐld sᴉɥʇ ǝʇɐɥ l, Sat 11 Sep 2021, 19:05, archived)

Smoking makes you look cool.
Vaping, not so much.
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sat 11 Sep 2021, 22:05, archived)

Can't believe it's been 20 years since them slags smashed into the twin towers
Still freaks my nut out to this day
(Martin Anus, Sat 11 Sep 2021, 11:28, archived)

U OK hun?

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Sat 11 Sep 2021, 11:38, archived)

Wikipedia says you were born in Germany

( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Sat 11 Sep 2021, 12:47, archived)

Really makes you think

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 11 Sep 2021, 14:48, archived)

NEVA 4GET
b3ta.com/board/10530675
(Agent Pr1ck llǝɯs ǝɥʇ sʇI ˙ǝɔɐld sᴉɥʇ ǝʇɐɥ l, Sat 11 Sep 2021, 19:22, archived)

what a thread!

( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Sat 11 Sep 2021, 19:56, archived)

Patient yesterday told me he'd had "A Bavarian enema".
I assume that involves sausages, beer and an oompah band.
(Agent Pr1ck llǝɯs ǝɥʇ sʇI ˙ǝɔɐld sᴉɥʇ ǝʇɐɥ l, Sat 11 Sep 2021, 13:13, archived)

Sounds a specialised klismaphilac.
I found it hard to keep a straight face when I was a GP with some of my patients
One chap told me to try camel meat as an aphrodisiac, he swore it worked for him
(Pres Putin Masturbated on the ruins on, Sat 11 Sep 2021, 14:05, archived)

There is nothing more infuriating than patients who think it's their job to tell me what to do.
Might as well just drop my trousers right there and let them give MY bumhole a good prodding.
(Agent Pr1ck llǝɯs ǝɥʇ sʇI ˙ǝɔɐld sᴉɥʇ ǝʇɐɥ l, Sat 11 Sep 2021, 18:01, archived)

"Velcome to ze clinic. Now I'm afraid I must prepare you for ze wurst."

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Sat 11 Sep 2021, 14:25, archived)

if you're waiting for sausages you're expecting the wurst

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Sat 11 Sep 2021, 15:01, archived)

Yes, well done for repeating the exact same joke.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sat 11 Sep 2021, 16:29, archived)

IT WAS SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT, OKAY???

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Sat 11 Sep 2021, 16:55, archived)

When people put sausages up your bottom it's the wurst.
(Oooh_cuntroversial Where have I been?, Sat 11 Sep 2021, 16:55, archived)

I can't think of anything WURS(T)* than having a sausage shoved up the bottom!
*better
(Agent Pr1ck llǝɯs ǝɥʇ sʇI ˙ǝɔɐld sᴉɥʇ ǝʇɐɥ l, Sat 11 Sep 2021, 18:03, archived)

Haha yeah that’s the ‘wurst’* (worst)
*a type of German sausage
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 11 Sep 2021, 18:40, archived)

wurst,

( Cheers Cheers, Sat 11 Sep 2021, 19:17, archived)

Oh come on put some effort into it

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sun 12 Sep 2021, 16:51, archived)

Cheers

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sun 12 Sep 2021, 16:51, archived)

Man, you guys are the... least good.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sat 11 Sep 2021, 20:38, archived)

Fewest

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sun 12 Sep 2021, 16:50, archived)

I've just been clearing out my wallet (not a euphemism) and found a business card a weed dealer gave me
It purports to be a 24hr mechanic service, apparently they 'Speclise With All Cars' and also offer 'Reapair Service's'

That's nice isn't it. What else is nice isn't it.
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 15:24, archived)

anal

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 15:24, archived)

b3ta

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 15:25, archived)

etc
god I'm bored, only 45 mins til knocking off time though
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 15:25, archived)

haha we have a nice laugh here don't we

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 10 Sep 2021, 15:29, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/8310974
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 15:38, archived)

this place would die on it's arse if I stopped posting

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 10 Sep 2021, 15:51, archived)

I bet you £500 it wouldn't

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 15:52, archived)

I'd post more

( mongychops, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 15:54, archived)

righto, the bet's on
off you fuck, Dozer - I'll stick a note in my diary to pay up one year from now if this place has indeed died on it is arse. I'm a man of my word
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 16:00, archived)

Off the end off the month, maybe a live from the lake

( mongychops, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 16:10, archived)

Hope you get good weather

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 16:26, archived)

I'm not fussed. Got an email today warning me that my 19 days left holiday must be taken by end of year, so yeah, got to sit indoors if I must

( mongychops, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 16:57, archived)

Yes!

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 11 Sep 2021, 15:13, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/7568149
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 10 Sep 2021, 16:10, archived)

Mushroom soup

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 16:04, archived)

The second-largest French city on the Mediterranean coast

( Cheers Cheers, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 16:19, archived)

Oh YOU

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 16:27, archived)

Apparently it was part of Italy until fairly recently
Garibaldi was from there iirc

*may not be true
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 16:28, archived)

Huzzah!

( Cheers Cheers, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 17:16, archived)

A plain or coconut-flavoured biscuit.
Thin, rectangular in shape, with rounded bumps on the edges and lightly covered with a scattering of sugar crystals.
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 10 Sep 2021, 16:25, archived)

6/7
www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-58472583
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 10 Sep 2021, 16:34, archived)

4/7

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 18:11, archived)

Don't fear the reapair

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 16:35, archived)

Cup of tea and a biscuit
only joking, biscuits are shit and tea is really shit
( broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 19:30, archived)

:(

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Fri 10 Sep 2021, 22:13, archived)

Oops, not you obvs

( broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 22:30, archived)

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 23:23, archived)

The National Institute for Clinical Excellence

(Agent Pr1ck llǝɯs ǝɥʇ sʇI ˙ǝɔɐld sᴉɥʇ ǝʇɐɥ l, Sat 11 Sep 2021, 13:03, archived)

Nice

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 11 Sep 2021, 14:49, archived)

not morning
ze veekend ist hier, wunderbar.

off down to my sister's for the weekend for a quiet break in the country, well needed after this shitcunt of a week. up to much?
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 12:04, archived)

hiya

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 10 Sep 2021, 12:06, archived)

lower

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 12:08, archived)

it's good, but it's not the right answer

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 10 Sep 2021, 12:09, archived)

say what you're looking at

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 12:11, archived)

it's Mr Chips having a wank.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 10 Sep 2021, 12:16, archived)

It’s right, but it’s not good

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 13:30, archived)

high queef, been a pretty shitcunty week here as well, this weekend imma kick back & whack my winky over a weimarpoo

( broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 12:11, archived)

sound

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 12:31, archived)

Family are down so its barbecue time
Any suģgestions.from.the resident foodie? I have loads.of nommmy ribs and steak
(Pres Putin Masturbated on the ruins on, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 12:17, archived)

Cover the lot in jam and spunk in its rib-eye.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Fri 10 Sep 2021, 12:23, archived)

It's an option

(Pres Putin Masturbated on the ruins on, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 12:44, archived)

I made a fantastic rub for steak of garlic granules, coarse ground pepper, kosher salt and activated charcoal
It's the fucking tits:
imgur.com/bcp9Aoh

It's basically a home made version of this:
jesspryles.com/hardcore-carnivore-black-rub/

I do ribs with the 3-2-1 method:

heygrillhey.com/3-2-1-ribs-perfect-fall-off-the-bone-ribs/

Haha, you won't throw them in the 'dusty bin' I can assure you!

I make a rib glaze out of shop bought bbq sauce let down with apple cider vinegar, added hot sauce and rum/bourbon, brush it on right at the end or the sugar will burn

ur welcs bruv
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 12:34, archived)

Ta
Not goy any kosher salt in
(Pres Putin Masturbated on the ruins on, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 13:08, archived)

you can use Maldon salt if you have that but it will be more expensive
this stuff is far from cheap in itself, but it's well worth getting and goes a long way:
www.ebay.co.uk/itm/124232985041
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 13:13, archived)

PS you can probably get the charcoal from Holland & Barrett, I got mine on eBay for a couple of quid

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 13:15, archived)

Got loads of charcoal. Ta
Lidl own brand barbecue sauce is bery good so is tje Aldi one
(Pres Putin Masturbated on the ruins on, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 13:45, archived)

I mean activated charcoal, food grade stuff for your steak rub
www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Activated-Charcoal-Powder-100-Pure-Food-Grade-Natural-Coconut-Shells-25g-1kg-/283640507855
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 13:46, archived)

PPS gamechanger:
pat your steaks dry with kitchen paper, season, then leave (uncovered) in your fridge on a grill rack for as long as you can (a good few hours, overnight ideally), removing from there 1hr before cooking - the crust you'll get is amazing
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 13:44, archived)

Fuck all work on, so I might head up to Dartmoor and see if I can liberate some liberty caps.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Fri 10 Sep 2021, 12:18, archived)

best of British m8
I always forget when 'the season' starts - mind you I only know one guaranteed spot. Hang on - it's near Winchester where I'm going this weekend, get in. Don't suppose the mrs will be best pleased if I make her go trespassing instead of chilling in country pubs though
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 12:36, archived)

STRIKETHROUGH O AND R!

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 10 Sep 2021, 12:55, archived)

fget
monzzzzz
( Cheers Cheers, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 15:09, archived)

just dun a huge poo lol

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 10 Sep 2021, 12:31, archived)

that's not funny

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 12:36, archived)

gonna play with my new Oculus Rift I reckon

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 12:47, archived)

have fun m8

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 13:01, archived)

Weekend without the niece
She's fucked off to Llandudno with her new boyfriend. Hope she fucking stays there.
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 12:52, archived)

I really thought you were rid of her

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 13:01, archived)

Fat chance
I'm hoping this new lad has his own place and asks her to move in with him
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 13:08, archived)

fingers crossed

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 13:14, archived)

Gonna fit the kitchen worktop
then measure up for the splashback and sort out the drawings in Adobe Illustrator. There's a firm around the corner who will feed it into a CNC machine to cut what we want out of a sheet of aluminium composite. Excited but nervous as I'm a measure, cut, swear, cut again, measure again, throw it away and start from scratch kind of person.

Saturday we've got a ZipVan booked to get all our stuff back from storage so by the end of the weekend we ought to have a kitchen once more. I've missed the dishwasher...
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 13:33, archived)

big tings a'gwan chez garold - hope it all goes smoothly for you pal

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 13:36, archived)

It's getting there
we've done a lot of work ourselves so it's ... okay. The original walls in this place are 5cm thick and filled with kind of rolls of cardboard - the days before building regs when the tories were pushing cheap house building like mad. Anyway, we wanted a proper fire door between the kitchen and the living room so we added some studding, insulation and plasterboard, fitted a new door and frame (fucking palaver, the door sizes in this house aren't standard so had to widen the gap). We got it plastered at the same time as the extension, not gonna try THAT myself.

I put ceiling lights in the old part of the kitchen too. They look ace.

The floor we put down in the extension isn't perfect - the screed the builders laid isn't bang-on and we didn't have time to go to town with any self-levelling compound. I guess a few years down the line we could maybe pay someone to do a proper job but it's fine for now.

This is why I was miffed about the living room floor, we thought of maybe replacing it in a few years with something nice, if it gets replaced now with like-for-like it won't really be ideal. The money to cover the cost would be though...
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 13:43, archived)

maybe get a discount on the worktops rather than getting the floor fixed?

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 13:45, archived)

It'll like be an insurance claim
they'll ask me to complete a form, forward it to their insurers who may send an adjuster out to assess the cost of repairing it. It's a big firm, they probably have this issue from time-to-time and just follow a procedure.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 13:47, archived)

The company delivering the worktops dropped a piece
making a big corner-shaped dent in the floor. It's gone straight through the very thin wood on the top so I can't see it being repairable and by rights they should replace the whole lot. I mean, it was £7 a square meter from B&Q and it's hard a hard time of its 8 year life but that dent is right by the front door and worse than any other damage that's its sustained. We were hoping to wring another 5 years out of it.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 13:37, archived)

no-one wants to be 'that customer' but if they've fucked your floor they should fix it
it probably happens all day long. Can't they just replace the damaged bit?
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 13:41, archived)

It's click flooring
so... yes they could but they'd need to get the same type of flooring (good luck, it was on special in B&Q back in 2013 as end-of-line) and take it all up to replace the damaged piece.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 13:45, archived)

morning

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 10 Sep 2021, 7:39, archived)

Morning

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 7:56, archived)

Top of the morning to you

(Pres Putin Masturbated on the ruins on, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 8:13, archived)

does the db in your name stand for something cool like "drum and bass"?
or is it something b3taesque like "dirty bollocks"?
( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 8:42, archived)

'doctor best troll' because in spite of being a thin-skinned semi-literate, he thinks he's great at online 'trolling'
lol semi
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 10 Sep 2021, 8:44, archived)

disgusting bestialist

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 9:31, archived)

you, I mean

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 9:31, archived)

Good morning' Popular Poster D*z*r'

(Pres Putin Masturbated on the ruins on, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 8:12, archived)

might put you on 2.0 for your own sake

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 10 Sep 2021, 8:28, archived)

m o r n i n g

( Cheers Cheers, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 8:15, archived)

Cheers

(Pres Putin Masturbated on the ruins on, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 8:27, archived)

Cheers

( Cheers Cheers, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 10:12, archived)

morning Cheers

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 10 Sep 2021, 8:28, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/8310993
( Cheers Cheers, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 10:12, archived)

the shits: day 4
no middle of the night splatters but one big explosion first thing and I can feel another one brewing in the pipes, mercifully the constant stomach ache seems to have gone. All in all, 7/10

thought you'd like to know
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 9:30, archived)

I bet you were LIVID at Sault missing out on the Mercury Prize, maybe that's why yr innards are complaining

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 10 Sep 2021, 9:34, archived)

Makes a note in QR's poo diary
Any pics?
(Pres Putin Masturbated on the ruins on, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 9:37, archived)

Sadly not, but just imagine heavily diluted spinach puree and you'll get the idea

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 9:41, archived)

Oh man, I was trying not to wank this morning, guess that's out the window

( broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 9:45, archived)

My thoughts totes

(Pres Putin Masturbated on the ruins on, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 10:05, archived)

All my wanks go out the window.
The neighbours are positively livid
( Cheers Cheers, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 10:11, archived)

I have a modicum of respect for Dec and Ant
when I read they shared a flat above Peter Andre's and used to.piss on his balcony post pub
(Pres Putin Masturbated on the ruins on, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 10:19, archived)

Pissterious Girl

( Cheers Cheers, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 10:22, archived)

Insanitaria

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 10:25, archived)

hahahaha

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 10:27, archived)

lolz

( Cheers Cheers, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 10:28, archived)

yours was good, but this one's a notch higher

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 10:44, archived)

I'm sure someone could come up with a better one
if only anyone remembered any more Peter Andre songs. I doubt even he remembers any more of them.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 10:48, archived)

if indeed he actually recorded any

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 10:51, archived)

I hope I can still count on a sympathy click

( Cheers Cheers, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 10:53, archived)

Oh you poor dear, of course not.

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 12:03, archived)

livid sticky
( broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 10:36, archived)

Have a couple of boiled eggs

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 10:15, archived)

not eating anything til lunch

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 10:27, archived)

Morning arse

( broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 9:45, archived)

morning br

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 10 Sep 2021, 9:47, archived)

oadsw

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 10 Sep 2021, 9:48, archived)

ord

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 10 Sep 2021, 9:48, archived)

boon

( broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 9:58, archived)

alright

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 10 Sep 2021, 10:02, archived)

Great news, gang - I hope you're sitting down for this
That chap is sending me a copy of his Sorry Dub record thanks to my Twitter venture. I'm over the fucking moon, it's been pissing me off for at least 5 years. Friday woo, weekend yay.
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 10:29, archived)

my level of excitement about a small piece of plastic is really fucking pathetic

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 10:44, archived)

a fine end to an otherwise rubbish week

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 10:54, archived)

^ one has to make the most of the little things


I'm talking about midget porn, obv
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 12:10, archived)

teh houpla!

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 10 Sep 2021, 11:06, archived)

Fuckin’ yes bruv 😎 👌

( Cheers Cheers, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 11:08, archived)

That's good of him
I've been looking for a copy of journey to the centre of the earth with Brendan Fraser in it for ages. Throwing out some old and pretty beat-up CDs and DVD's the other day, I discovered that I had it all along!
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 11:32, archived)

he's in the forthcoming Scorsese film

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 10 Sep 2021, 11:37, archived)

Well, this knocks McBeef's anecdote into a cocked hat.
Fuck that shitty record nobody's heard of, this is BRENDAN FUCKING FRASER we're talking about here.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 11:51, archived)

just evolved my Inkay

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 10 Sep 2021, 11:02, archived)

evolv pull
W+a
( Cheers Cheers, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 11:16, archived)

natch

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 10 Sep 2021, 11:20, archived)

JIZZFARTS

(sticklebricks, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 15:24, archived)

LIFE IS PEACEFUL THERE

( broadsword now that's fresh, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 15:32, archived)

PUERILE JIZZITAL FARTS COMMUNITY

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 15:37, archived)

#halfshell

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 21:40, archived)

RIP drimble :*((((

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 21:41, archived)

NO

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 4:17, archived)

There's still one more chance for the say-the-name-three-times spell to work. You get three attempts. I've already tried twice now so I'm chooing my moment very carefully.

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 4:19, archived)

chooing

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 10 Sep 2021, 7:51, archived)

Chooing
chooing
(Oooh_cuntroversial Where have I been?, Fri 10 Sep 2021, 8:17, archived)

guyrim

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 10 Sep 2021, 12:16, archived)

I GOT ME A CAR IT’S AS BIG AS A WHALE

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 15:39, archived)

Salesman *slaps roof*: you can fit so many large marine mammals in this bad boy…

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 15:57, archived)

NOOKLEAR WESSELS

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 15:58, archived)

CAPTAIN! HE IS ONCE AGAIN ALL TIME TOUCHING MY ASS!

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 17:33, archived)

MY+
JUST SAY, I LOVE YOU
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 15:46, archived)

DID SOMEBODY SAY, +

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 15:47, archived)

IT'S A WHOLE LOT OF FUN, PRIZES TO BE WON!

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 15:55, archived)

BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 15:56, archived)

A + THESE DAYS IS HARD TO FIND

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 16:00, archived)

FeargalFacts
1. He lives in North Finchley, the asperger's boy in our warehouse that could remember everyone's birthdays used to get super excited when he would see him in Sainsbury's

2. His name is the best racist rhyming slang ever
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 16:04, archived)

is there anyone else famous, at all, called Feargal?

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 16:09, archived)

Yes, that one that pisses herself out of the black eyed peas

( broadsword now that's fresh, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 16:15, archived)

actual lol

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 16:19, archived)

one of my university friends looked a lot like a young Feargal Sharkey
He died in his sleep a few years ago, his older brother had died in a motorbike accident a few years before, so his parents ended up with both of their children dying young, no grandchildren, and too old to have any more kids.
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 9 Sep 2021, 16:23, archived)

The Undergrounds

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 16:26, archived)

that's just unfortunate

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 16:27, archived)

what, looking like a young Feargal Sharkey? Yes, I suppose it is.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 9 Sep 2021, 16:35, archived)

Very into keeping rivers clean for fish

( mongychops, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 16:23, archived)

well I never

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 16:40, archived)

He turned up on that bob mortimer and Whitehouse fishing show

( mongychops, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 16:46, archived)

did you enjoy that series?
I ended up liking it in a quiet Sunday night way, but initially was hoping for more thigh slapping hilarity
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 16:51, archived)

I did, but mainly for them, not the fishing. Although Bob gets very excited

( mongychops, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 17:45, archived)

I fucking love that guy

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 17:55, archived)

Yeah me too.

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 18:34, archived)

I'm about to give 2005's Statham/Snipes dream ticket straight-to-video epic 'Chaos' a whirl

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 16:53, archived)

are all these awful films on Netterz?

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 9 Sep 2021, 16:54, archived)

awful top notch


yes
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 16:56, archived)

If you're trying to save time typing,
"Netterz" has the same number of letters as "Netflix", and by typing it you come over as a wanker. hth
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 19:38, archived)

er, I come over as an awful wanker anyway mate

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 9 Sep 2021, 19:49, archived)

There's no helping some people.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 20:09, archived)

NOT INTO CAPITAL LETTERS

( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 16:29, archived)

Capitalist

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 16:50, archived)

anticapitalist, surely?

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 9 Sep 2021, 16:53, archived)

you’re probably right

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 17:09, archived)

afternoon
b3ta, I mean
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 12:39, archived)

I have discovered today that I have monumentally fucked up
I've been after a super rare record for many years, no cunt ever sells it. I found out who made it and messaged them via Discogs asking if I could do a one-off pressing in exchange for £££. Turns out he replied 6 months ago saying I could have a free copy if I sent him my address :(((
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 12:44, archived)

it's this amazing dub mix of the theme from Ronnie Corbett's 'Sorry' fyi
www.youtube.com/watch?v=FV5iTT77GM0
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 12:45, archived)

#thatsinterestingqueef

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 12:45, archived)

is he apologetic about it?

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 9 Sep 2021, 12:59, archived)

I was

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 13:14, archived)

+nk goat

( broadsword now that's fresh, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 13:15, archived)

I wasnk goat, monster munch etc

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 13:25, archived)

Ink goat? idgi

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 16:02, archived)

You know, 'Ink goat was', sang 'walk the dinosaur'

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 16:20, archived)

does the offer not still stand?

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 12:51, archived)

we shall see
I just joined Twitter specifically to alert him to my response
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 13:13, archived)

I only think to log in there once a year or so & feel rude for not responding to old messages
Discogs should inundate me with alert emails like a proper website
( broadsword now that's fresh, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 13:19, archived)

innit
why don't internal messages get flagged up on your signup email address? they bother me all day long asking me to review my purchases, why not about messages too? fucking knobwanks
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 13:23, archived)

It’s not too late Queef, just write and tell him what happened. If there’s a problem just let me know, we’ve got previous. He’ll do as he’s told.

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 15:59, archived)

Yessss

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 16:22, archived)

Counting down the days until I get my tattoo
6 days to go
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 14:01, archived)

what are you getting?

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 14:37, archived)

a tattoo, can't you fucking read?

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 9 Sep 2021, 14:42, archived)

The guy
Entire top half of my right arm. It's costing me £300, but it's worth it
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 14:57, archived)

+rim

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 9 Sep 2021, 14:57, archived)

A skull gripping a rose in its teeth
and on the skull's forehead there's a yin-yang inside a pentagram, surrounded by three dolphins, each of which has a Chinese character on it, and they're meant to say "Love, Laugh, Live", except they're all ever so slightly wrong, so they actually say "Barbarian hamster dildo."
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Thu 9 Sep 2021, 14:59, archived)

And now I need a tattoo that actually says barbarian hamster dildo

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 15:08, archived)

#infest

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 15:24, archived)

On the Delta Variant stage.

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 17:36, archived)

Its still a bit sticky here, even after a decent rain shower.
Wishing I had worn shorts.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 9 Sep 2021, 14:02, archived)

I got 3 mosquito bites last night, fucking swampy here also
no rain yet
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 14:37, archived)

You had to admire his enviromental stance though

(Pres Putin Masturbated on the ruins on, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 14:41, archived)

just because I'm fucking him doesn't mean I have to agree with him

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 14:47, archived)

You are a silly sausage
Rofl lmao :)))
(Pres Putin Masturbated on the ruins on, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 14:57, archived)

Paul Gambaccini rejecting Dick? Not something I thought I would ever read
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-58490698
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 14:55, archived)

b3ta
morning, I mean
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 8:17, archived)

It's time

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 8:18, archived)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=46LB3zql17o
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 8:26, archived)

actually I think it might not actually be 'time 4 house' after all

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 8:27, archived)

HOUSE MUSIC ALL MORNING LONG

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 9 Sep 2021, 8:36, archived)

NO IT ISN'T

(Pres Putin Masturbated on the ruins on, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 8:48, archived)

haha your 'thing' is the funniest thing in ages!

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 9 Sep 2021, 9:00, archived)

NO IT ISN'T

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 9 Sep 2021, 9:00, archived)

I exist to amuse you xx
(Pres Putin Masturbated on the ruins on, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 9:03, archived)

I wish you didn't exist at all.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 9 Sep 2021, 9:07, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/8310737
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 9:09, archived)

Harrassment.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 9 Sep 2021, 9:09, archived)

online internet+

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 9:11, archived)

Mine.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 9 Sep 2021, 9:13, archived)

you were bound to get one eventually

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 9:15, archived)

It's always a good time for this banger
www.youtube.com/watch?v=uh8POlIHkSI
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 9:01, archived)

a great record
bizarrely, my techno producer mate can't stand it, he reckons it's the acid equivalent of a guitarist fretwanking.
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 9 Sep 2021, 9:07, archived)

It's one of the very few truly great records I own
I think I'll ask to be buried with it.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 9:20, archived)

it was a big Lavelle record in the That's How It Is days

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 9 Sep 2021, 9:23, archived)

don't get me started

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 9:25, archived)

Your 'techno producer mate' is a spazmo who smells of poo

( broadsword now that's fresh, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 9:24, archived)

usually his music taste is top notch, just not in this case
He's had his records played by Ellen Allien and Dave Clarke, so it's not like he's a know-nothing bedroom producer.
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 9 Sep 2021, 9:27, archived)

As a know-nothing bedroom producer, I can't help but take this personally.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Thu 9 Sep 2021, 9:37, archived)

Oh, it was specifically directed at you, and I intended to hurt your feelings.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 9 Sep 2021, 9:41, archived)

MODS!!!!!!

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Thu 9 Sep 2021, 9:53, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/8310788
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 9:54, archived)

that always reminded me of this
www.youtube.com/watch?v=smGtIczq8ZY

Frankie Bones was t3h sh1t 'bitd'

Edit: also reminds me of this, the Chemicals' 2nd best record
www.youtube.com/watch?v=_GfcIprkuvw
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 9:11, archived)

Exit Planet Dust has aged surprisingly well I reckon

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 9 Sep 2021, 9:19, archived)

hello dude

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 9 Sep 2021, 8:22, archived)

hello man, you alright?

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 8:24, archived)

Pretty good. Just mega busy at work.
Loads of stuff to get done before the plague carrying students return in a couple of weeks.

How is your old man settling back in to UK life?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 9 Sep 2021, 8:36, archived)

it's good to be busy - to a certain extent...
He's loving being back: moved into his Abingdon gaff yesterday and is living it up in a swanky hotel whilst they get the place straight
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 8:45, archived)

Smashing.
Any chance you're up this way to visit him and can squeeze in a pint or 2 before you train home one weekend?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 9 Sep 2021, 8:55, archived)

absolutely
I'll be in touch
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 8:56, archived)

morning

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 9 Sep 2021, 8:37, archived)

the shits: day 3
despite a fiercely hot Caribbean feast night there seems to be marginally fewer trouble at t'mill this morning
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 8:46, archived)

haha, poo!

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 9 Sep 2021, 9:01, archived)

I do enjoy your bottom related anecdotes
Have you seen Paris Hilton's cooking prog on Netflix? I have just found out about it, I think a binge watch is going to happen
(Pres Putin Masturbated on the ruins on, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 9:01, archived)

I'm not sure I could stand more than a few seconds of that

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 9:12, archived)

The first one is her making Kim Kardashian breakfast.
So opening up the Cocopops then
(Pres Putin Masturbated on the ruins on, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 9:20, archived)

*BRB KLAXON*

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 9 Sep 2021, 9:24, archived)

christ

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 9:25, archived)

<s>b</s> m
haha, mottom
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 9:26, archived)

Lol moobs

(Pres Putin Masturbated on the ruins on, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 9:47, archived)

Morning queef *toot*

( broadsword now that's fresh, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 9:23, archived)

hullo

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 9:53, archived)

Yo

( mongychops, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 10:38, archived)

How's it going

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 10:59, archived)

Can't believe my Todd Carty picture hasn't been FP'd yet.
I guess I should have done something about Abba, or some edgy political satire.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 11:27, archived)

I reckon an edgy satire would make you the king of beeter

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 9 Sep 2021, 11:30, archived)

Might do a picture of Joe Biden with Tony Blair's face, that should tick all teh magic donkey's boxes.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 11:41, archived)

Try Boris with Trump's face
That would get a click from me
(Pres Putin Masturbated on the ruins on, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 11:44, archived)

Here's one I made earlier, with bonus funny-faced men
b3ta.com/board/11306265
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 11:54, archived)

haha, get this right, you could do one about Labour's best ever leader where you call him 'Tory Blair'!!!!
That would be both topical AND original!
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 9 Sep 2021, 11:46, archived)

Tory BLIAR, more like!!!!!

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 11:50, archived)

Za-Nu Liar-BORE, more like!!!!!

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 9 Sep 2021, 11:54, archived)

oh man, I sure am glad I'm not Tony Blair right now!

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 12:06, archived)

you know what?
I genuinely feel sorry for Tony Blair. All the good things that took place under him as PM, a genuine sense of public duty, and he's vilified (rightly or wrongly) because of the mistakes made in the Middle East. If that hadn't happened, the 1997 Labour government would rightly be hailed as the best in living memory.
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 9 Sep 2021, 12:26, archived)

well I clicked it
Do a 90s one next with Pato Banto changing an infant's nappy, 'baby bum cack'
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 11:43, archived)

I might just do that.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 12:01, archived)

Soz I forgot, I'll do it now

( broadsword now that's fresh, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 12:17, archived)

Barely morning

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 11:35, archived)

It's nearly.time for the afternoon thread
Is the lunch one still allowed?
(Pres Putin Masturbated on the ruins on, Thu 9 Sep 2021, 11:48, archived)

Lol
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sam_Poo
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Wed 8 Sep 2021, 18:37, archived)

Sa Bu

lol
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 19:23, archived)

Lol!

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Wed 8 Sep 2021, 19:23, archived)

BUM POO WILLY!

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 8 Sep 2021, 19:29, archived)

no way lol

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 20:48, archived)

Too bad Mr. Hanky has retired
“Poo was fictionalised in David Martin's novel The Hero of Too (1965) and since has been a theme of a circus show, a children's novel and a planned feature film.”
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 19:49, archived)

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DJ_Pooh
( Cheers Cheers, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 20:01, archived)

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Winnie-the-Pooh
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 20:03, archived)

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Big_Pooh
( Cheers Cheers, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 20:20, archived)

www.discogs.com/artist/380875-Pooh
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 8 Sep 2021, 21:15, archived)

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Xi_Jinping
( theniwokeup has been awake since, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 22:29, archived)

www.amazon.co.uk/Funky-As-I-Wanna-Be/dp/B0000004YP
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Wed 8 Sep 2021, 21:56, archived)

My name, it is Sam Poo, and I hate you, one and oo

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 20:30, archived)

Damn your loos

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 20:39, archived)

Lol
en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ringaskiddy
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 21:13, archived)

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gunt
( Cheers Cheers, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 21:30, archived)

addressesandpostcodes.co.uk/address/igrjk5UD/knob-end-farm-brookhouse-green-smallwood-sandbach-cw11-2xf.html
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 21:49, archived)

Afternoon /chat
I’ve got the next week off, might take the motorcycle out for a spin.
What about you? Go on, tell old uncle Cheers what’s on your mind.
( Cheers Cheers, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 13:26, archived)

this and that, need to resit an exam, missed a pass by one mark, hopefully SMASH IT at resit lol

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 8 Sep 2021, 13:31, archived)

u can do it m8

( Cheers Cheers, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 13:39, archived)

58 marks needed, 57 achieved, easily done
I would have preferred it if I'd flunked completely rather than being only one mark away.
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 8 Sep 2021, 13:40, archived)

each failure is a lesson learned

( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 14:01, archived)

in which case this place should be full of geniuses

( Cheers Cheers, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 14:02, archived)

yeah, the lesson is not to sack off the 'checking the flagged answers' after checking a few because I was expecting to fail anyway
Might have scraped a pass if I'd actually checked them all before submitting.
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 8 Sep 2021, 14:14, archived)

Gcse embroidery can be difficult, so I have been told
Good luck!
(Pres Putin Masturbated on the ruins on, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 14:58, archived)

I hope your shit pub burns down with your wife & kid in it.
But not you.
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 8 Sep 2021, 15:04, archived)

haha, failure

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 16:19, archived)

I just bought a maxi dress
Because all my other clothes are too hot to wear today
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 14:25, archived)

samesies xx

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 8 Sep 2021, 14:27, archived)

omg me too lol

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 14:41, archived)

BFFS!!!!!

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 8 Sep 2021, 14:48, archived)

FF UM
( Cheers Cheers, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 14:50, archived)

anal

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 8 Sep 2021, 14:58, archived)

meh,

( Cheers Cheers, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 15:31, archived)

He'

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 8 Sep 2021, 15:43, archived)

I bought a winter coat which arrived today
Perfect for the 28 degrees it is outside
( Cheers Cheers, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 14:28, archived)

my wife bought me a winter coat as an early birthday present to cheer(s) me up, it arrived today, winter coat arrived fives
I also realised that the daily email shots I've been sending out for work this week were all 'autumn is here' themed and quickly suspended them.

tl;dr #thatsinterestingrichard
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 16:17, archived)

PS this is the coat, proper 80s ski jacket style, I love it
sneakeroutlet.co.uk/products/mens-nike-windrunner-down-fill-puffer-jacket-red-white-blue

#midlifecrisis
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 16:19, archived)

she knows you well

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 16:22, archived)

that she does
If I say I'm a character from 'Beat Street' then I jolly well am, OK?
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 16:24, archived)

you tell 'em m8

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 16:27, archived)

c.tenor.com/bWnbV0m49wYAAAAC/trading-places-yeah.gif
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 16:31, archived)

Noice
I got this www.endclothing.com/gb/columbia-winter-pass-printed-fleece-1866565-012.html

Gonna look ‘fly’ as the kids say

fly a total cunt
( Cheers Cheers, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 16:26, archived)

Columbia's a decent label, dunno about that jacket tho lol

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 8 Sep 2021, 16:29, archived)

Cosy AF m8

( Cheers Cheers, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 16:30, archived)

looks nice and warm, you should defo wear it now, maybe go for a run in it, innit

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 16:30, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/8310795
( Cheers Cheers, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 16:32, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/8310801
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 16:36, archived)

for the boarder's with tiny feet, this is a good deal
www.endclothing.com/gb/puma-basket-vtg-374922-02.html

I got myself a pair for my birthday, top kek.
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 8 Sep 2021, 16:42, archived)

I need some red white and blue Nike Cortez to go with my coat
not going to get them though

PS never post 'top kek' again, thanks in advance
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 16:46, archived)

lels

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 8 Sep 2021, 16:49, archived)

i remain loyal to my converse all stars

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 18:26, archived)

Bitch I told you FUCK NO take your fucking kek and go fuck a badly drawn frog, no offense.

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 19:57, archived)

I only vaguely understand this, but I'm clicking it

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 20:40, archived)

I’ve developed an accompanying interpretive dance if that would help clarify things

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 21:20, archived)

My dad has just bought himself a brand new Triumph Street Triple RS
He's just turned 69 and has never bought a brand new motorbike before. I came into work on the motorbike today, blew the cobwebs off...
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 14:38, archived)

Nice.
I’ve had the same bike for 16 years (Bandit 650s) and would love a change, just need to win the lottery…
( Cheers Cheers, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 14:44, archived)

I managed to sell his old Yamaha XT600 for quite a good price
fucking ridiculous bike for him - single-cylinder enduro dirt bike thing, he couldn't even get his feet on the floor. He'll be much happier with a Street Triple, though he'll only use it for pooling to the shops on nice sunny days. And looking at it, admiringly.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 14:52, archived)

I would love a vespa or lambretta
Not quite in the same league, obviously
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 14:47, archived)

Lot of fun to be had on one of them
not my style, but I can see the attraction
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 14:52, archived)

BELLBOY

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 16:20, archived)

might go for a pint

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 16:21, archived)

I'm off for a pint at 5, see you in the juicer!

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 8 Sep 2021, 16:26, archived)

not if I see you first, dickhead

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 16:28, archived)

haha you really got me there, queef richard's!!!!

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 8 Sep 2021, 16:30, archived)

no flies on me, I'm telling ya

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 16:32, archived)

good plan

( Cheers Cheers, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 16:27, archived)

Cheers Cheers.
I’m a bit worried about this thread m8, pls advise.
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 19:52, archived)

Buy high sell cheap

( Cheers Cheers, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 21:29, archived)

morning

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 8 Sep 2021, 7:45, archived)

I read this as 'sweaty', which for some reason was hilarious.
uk.news.yahoo.com/kristen-stewart-sweary-masturbating-princess-161656387.html
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Wed 8 Sep 2021, 8:22, archived)

bit creepy

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 8 Sep 2021, 8:33, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/8310737
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 9:35, archived)

heh

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Wed 8 Sep 2021, 10:50, archived)

'lo

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 8:39, archived)

greetings from wealthy and salubrious Harrogate

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 8 Sep 2021, 8:43, archived)

Harrogate is, indeed wealthy and salubrious
I have a friend who lives in Saltaire, it is also one of the towns in Yorkshire that makes one wonder about this "poor northerners" twaddle.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 8:45, archived)

I haven't been to Saltaire, but that side of West Yorkshire has some lovely places

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 8 Sep 2021, 8:52, archived)

The problem with Saltaire is that it’s right next to Shipley
which is a complete dump
( Cheers Cheers, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 8:56, archived)

I didn't got to Shipley
your review hasn't made me want to visit.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 8:58, archived)

A++ would avoid again

( Cheers Cheers, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 9:00, archived)

haha, they should call it SHITley!!!

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 9:35, archived)

I suspect you've avoided a burned neck.

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 11:42, archived)

There's a superb brewery
lovely little town, well worth a trip. saltairebrewery.com/
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 8:57, archived)

^ this

( Cheers Cheers, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 9:00, archived)

No it doesn't

(Pres Putin Masturbated on the ruins on, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 8:59, archived)

not this again, have you not got an optic to change or something?

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 8 Sep 2021, 9:00, archived)

No I haven't

(Pres Putin Masturbated on the ruins on, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 9:04, archived)

please, I implore you, delete your account and kill yourself

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 8 Sep 2021, 9:09, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/8310681
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 9:28, archived)

As the hilarious Black Adder says,
like coppery. Lollollol.
(Pres Putin Masturbated on the ruins on, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 10:24, archived)

Blackadder is dismal shit, I can see why you're a fan

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 8 Sep 2021, 10:51, archived)

This is a normal post Blackadder is dismal shit,
can see why you're 'm
+ny
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 11:12, archived)

it's a normal post, is it?

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 8 Sep 2021, 11:27, archived)

yes
Calling you a fanny is indeed a normal post - as it says
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 11:36, archived)

morning Mr D

( Cheers Cheers, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 8:57, archived)

cheers Cheers

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 8 Sep 2021, 9:00, archived)

I've still got the shits

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 9:29, archived)

then give them back oh hahaha

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 8 Sep 2021, 9:31, archived)

I am doing, on an hourly basis

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 9:34, archived)

sounds shit

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 8 Sep 2021, 9:41, archived)

morning

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 9:47, archived)

alright

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 8 Sep 2021, 9:49, archived)

Morning
Cba cooking, might pop out for brunch
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 10:22, archived)

Wow, so this is the GB News I've heard so much about
What? The voice of the people, Nigel Farrage, talking to.... Christopher Biggins? About Brexit?!
imgur.com/1xkexgC
What a time to be alive!
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 11:09, archived)

today I saw a woman driving a car!

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 8 Sep 2021, 11:13, archived)

ticks all my boxes

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 11:13, archived)

Can't wait till they talk to Tim Martin
maybe about his staffing problems...
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 11:31, archived)

he'll say it's the EU's fault, again

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 11:34, archived)

It's the kind of thing people just can't say any more
thank god Andrew Neil had the guts to start a whole TV channel devoted to bringing the truth to the airways, giving voice to opinions nobody feels they can share because of political correctness and the leftie liberal media elite.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 11:53, archived)

these days, if you say you're English etc

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 8 Sep 2021, 12:03, archived)

FFS
That is all.
( Tesco Quality 60.825659, -0.788337, Tue 7 Sep 2021, 23:01, archived)

youtu.be/uwmeH6Rnj2E
(Oooh_cuntroversial Where have I been?, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 0:49, archived)

EE8
I added some lines.
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 2:17, archived)

KNOBSHIT

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 7 Sep 2021, 15:02, archived)

No thanks

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Tue 7 Sep 2021, 15:06, archived)

There's gratitude....

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Tue 7 Sep 2021, 15:16, archived)

ikr

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 7 Sep 2021, 15:22, archived)

i'm enjoying one of my mum's delicious salads instead

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 7 Sep 2021, 15:50, archived)

attempted cheer-up steaks tonight with my new blackened rub
if it doesn't work, at least we'll have nice steaks whilst I feel like shit
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 7 Sep 2021, 16:17, archived)

mum's salads are amazing and very filling
ham, cheese, cucumber, lettuce, tomato, beetroot, boiled egg, spring onions, tuna sweetcorn mayo, boiled new potatoes, quiche, coleslaw and salad cream or mayo was today,s salad. fucking stuffed.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 7 Sep 2021, 18:18, archived)

check it out, very happy with how they turned out
imgur.com/bcp9Aoh
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 9:39, archived)

I prefer WANKSMELL tbh

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 7 Sep 2021, 15:16, archived)

that's fortunate for you

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 7 Sep 2021, 15:18, archived)

I read that thing , it was interesting but with no real depth. Suppose you can't really do anything but guess on it

( mongychops, Tue 7 Sep 2021, 15:18, archived)

yeah, they have so much more to excavate but it's still amazing, just on the dating alone
it predates writing by a good 5k years so there will be usual 'this is a ritual object' bullshitting when they don't know what something is. I thought the sculpture was pretty cool though that must have been much later
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 7 Sep 2021, 15:22, archived)

I knew about Göbekli Tepe since the 1900's

( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Tue 7 Sep 2021, 15:35, archived)

So many amazing things to see in that part of the world but it's just so fucking dodgy

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 7 Sep 2021, 15:40, archived)

Surprising that the Muslims hadn't blown it up

( mongychops, Tue 7 Sep 2021, 15:41, archived)

the stuff they've turned to gravel breaks my fucking heart
fucking animals
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 7 Sep 2021, 15:48, archived)

Do we still have a good time here?
Or is it a bit crap?
(Pres Putin Masturbated on the ruins on, Tue 7 Sep 2021, 15:55, archived)

oh man it's the business,: all day lolz, all night lolz

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 7 Sep 2021, 16:07, archived)

ok maybe it's a bit crap

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 7 Sep 2021, 16:07, archived)

Non-stop right laughs 24/7/365

( Cheers Cheers, Tue 7 Sep 2021, 16:10, archived)

I look forward to the 29th of February every 4 years so I can rest my aching sides.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Tue 7 Sep 2021, 16:18, archived)

we have a right laugh here don't we

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 7 Sep 2021, 16:49, archived)

Well, I said I'd keep everyone notified.
b3ta.com/board/11350627
/cross-posting attention whore
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Tue 7 Sep 2021, 19:30, archived)

Cross-posting attention whore.

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 8 Sep 2021, 2:17, archived)