Write a limerick and win Joel's album
We've got 5 signed copies of the Seven Seconds of Love album to give away - all you have to do is write a limerick, and the best 5 all get ALBUMS.
Joel has written you one to start off:
There once was a Ska fan from Brighton
Who went to sleep but left the light on
When he woke up next day
he found he was gay
coz his cock had a big lump of shyte on
Joel also asks to mention his many gay friends and that he has no problems whatsoever with manly bumlove. Infact he celebrates it, and sees the limerick as positive and not in any way pejorative.
Can you write a better limerick? Add them to this thread to win the signed album.
LINKY TO BUY ALBUM ON AMAZON HERE.
EDIT: Compo will close on 22nd Aug 2008
(
rob, Thu 14 Aug 2008, 12:52,
Reply)
Joel was once up for some scat
I Yayed and relished the shat
But nothing did happen
I went back to fwappin'
And strokin' my safety hat.
Reference
(
Monty Propps, Thu 14 Aug 2008, 12:59,
Reply)
Here you go
The was a young man from Dover,
Who claimed he was a great lover,
but when asked to perform,
he made the girl mourn,
cos in 7 seven seconds it was all over.
(
Crap Little Monkey Deathstar, so good they built it twice, Thu 14 Aug 2008, 13:00,
Reply)
There once was a website named B3ta
whose member's moods would wobble and teeter.
They detested all spammers
and hit them with hammers
but when Joel's involved they're much sweeter.
(, Thu 14 Aug 2008, 13:05, Reply)
There once was a talented chap called Joel,
Who had an arse shaped like a Mole,
He poked and he prodded,
And then declared 'sod it'
At least it looks like no foal.
/shite at this blog
(
@RBFesquire Good luck b3ta, was nice knowing you. So long., Thu 14 Aug 2008, 13:06,
Reply)
Pearoast from the days when B3ta was on fire...
*clears throat*
Due to absence of means to retard
The flames, it had become hard
To post on a website
A means for our respite
From work. Pity the poor b3tard!
(
Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 14 Aug 2008, 13:06,
Reply)
there was a young singer named Veitch
who's could hit notes no others could reach,
To accomplish this trick,
he'd dip his own dick,
and his balls in a bucket of bleach.
/haythankyao.
(
masakatsu best of all the burger meats, Thu 14 Aug 2008, 13:12,
Reply)
Joel is an advocate of Gay,
Who released an album, ok,
He said best limerick,
Is certain to win it,
But I can wait for Piratebay.
(
@RBFesquire Good luck b3ta, was nice knowing you. So long., Thu 14 Aug 2008, 13:14,
Reply)
A limerick is only five lines
and it's hard to stay within those confines
But your message sounds stronger,
If you make the last line longer
And say please give me one of those lovely albums because I really want one and I could sell it on ebay and buy myself a new pair of shoes or a decent meal before I starve to fucking death....and although too long, this last bit still rhymes!
(, Thu 14 Aug 2008, 13:15, Reply)
Cuntybollockwhore!
(
@RBFesquire Good luck b3ta, was nice knowing you. So long., Thu 14 Aug 2008, 13:24,
Reply)
Yes,
darn, my secret identity foiled.
(
@RBFesquire Good luck b3ta, was nice knowing you. So long., Thu 14 Aug 2008, 13:31,
Reply)
Um... Er....
It's a bit sunny today for a change, isn't it?
(
Monty Propps, Thu 14 Aug 2008, 13:35,
Reply)
Its tattooed on his cock.
(
@RBFesquire Good luck b3ta, was nice knowing you. So long., Thu 14 Aug 2008, 13:56,
Reply)
Oh so THAT'S what it was.
Last time I saw it, it was up my arse and I could only read "0207".
(, Thu 14 Aug 2008, 14:02, Reply)
Wow,
monty has a bigger cock than I remember.
(
@RBFesquire Good luck b3ta, was nice knowing you. So long., Thu 14 Aug 2008, 14:18,
Reply)
That was due to the wolfbagging.
(
@RBFesquire Good luck b3ta, was nice knowing you. So long., Thu 14 Aug 2008, 14:47,
Reply)
I do not remember this
Was it before or after Abi Titmuss started talking about John Craven?
(
Monty Propps, Thu 14 Aug 2008, 14:59,
Reply)
No point dragging Craven into this.
He just supplied the bacon.
(
@RBFesquire Good luck b3ta, was nice knowing you. So long., Thu 14 Aug 2008, 15:04,
Reply)
As if.
I got there earlier than you. He provided fresh cow fat as lube.
(
Monty Propps, Thu 14 Aug 2008, 15:18,
Reply)
One while surfing teh internets idly
came a site that my eyes opened widely
glassy cocks were galore
great talents and more
B3ta's patrons Rob's words followed blithely
(
Hampster Squared has stuff at www.tilla.co.uk, Thu 14 Aug 2008, 13:18,
Reply)
damnit, it's meant to say 'once' not 'one'
But I can't edit it :(
(
Hampster Squared has stuff at www.tilla.co.uk, Thu 14 Aug 2008, 13:22,
Reply)
You are preaching to the queer on that one.
Shit see, supposed to be choir.
(
@RBFesquire Good luck b3ta, was nice knowing you. So long., Thu 14 Aug 2008, 13:23,
Reply)
no no
that second one is correct
/runs
(
masakatsu best of all the burger meats, Thu 14 Aug 2008, 13:34,
Reply)
*feels up*
(
@RBFesquire Good luck b3ta, was nice knowing you. So long., Thu 14 Aug 2008, 13:36,
Reply)
Limerick
.
Young Legless moved to Australia
Where he painted his cock like a Dahlia
A penny a smell
Was all very well
But tuppence a lick was failure
Cheers
(
Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 14 Aug 2008, 13:27,
Reply)
Icky wicky ping woo woo
Picky pocky pon goo goo,
Whippy gippy gippo,
Minky macko packo,
Goon a doon pa poo poo poo.
(
@RBFesquire Good luck b3ta, was nice knowing you. So long., Thu 14 Aug 2008, 13:29,
Reply)
I don't think
you're taking this very seriously!
Noon all
(
t0ria has forgotten how this all works, Thu 14 Aug 2008, 13:31,
Reply)
Thats a very personal question!
Limerickship is not my personal skill. However I may
(
t0ria has forgotten how this all works, Thu 14 Aug 2008, 13:39,
Reply)
Noon you.
That poem took me ages to perfect. And I shall never get that ten seconds back ;-)
(
@RBFesquire Good luck b3ta, was nice knowing you. So long., Thu 14 Aug 2008, 13:32,
Reply)
10 whole seconds?
time well spent.
(
t0ria has forgotten how this all works, Thu 14 Aug 2008, 13:40,
Reply)
My last effort:
Stick the album up a gypsy's cunt
cunty cunty cunty cunt
monkey monkey monkey cunt
Dirty gypsy selling me heather.
(, Thu 14 Aug 2008, 13:33, Reply)
Thats the sort of thing that would win an album,
if I was talented enough to make one.
Pepe Deluxe really does stuff to your mind.
(
@RBFesquire Good luck b3ta, was nice knowing you. So long., Thu 14 Aug 2008, 13:35,
Reply)
Is it really you?!
Are you the talented writer behind that nightgarden
(, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 17:46, Reply)
Yes*
*maybe a lie
(
@RBFesquire Good luck b3ta, was nice knowing you. So long., Sat 16 Aug 2008, 11:03,
Reply)
There was once a man called Scott
Who said "I like it, but not a lot"
He was sued by Paul Daniels
Over copyright wrangles
Now he says "I like it, hardly".
(
monkeon schmonkeon, Thu 14 Aug 2008, 13:30,
Reply)
...
It's the work of a morning to take
An image from Google and make
An hilarious pic.
But what's this? Oh, you dick!
No 'copter, no shark: it's a fake!
(
Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 14 Aug 2008, 13:32,
Reply)
There once was a woman from Houghton
who had a big tit and a short-un
to make up for that she had a bloody big twat
and fart like a six fifty norton
(
Rebel biscuit stercore sumus et nos esse novimus, Thu 14 Aug 2008, 13:34,
Reply)
Third...
When The Goat posts his nonsense online
One response would be to sit and whine.
But click on "Ignore"
And you'll see him no more...
And suddenly b3ta looks fine.
(
Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 14 Aug 2008, 13:43,
Reply)
there once was a fella named rob,
who had rather an interesting job,
he'd log in and he'd say
"Hahaha, your all ghey!"
then spend the afternoon stroking his nob.
Edit: smelling pistake as per Enzyme. :)
(
masakatsu best of all the burger meats, Thu 14 Aug 2008, 13:43,
Reply)
I'd thought that
but wasn't sure.
will edit, ta :)
(
masakatsu best of all the burger meats, Thu 14 Aug 2008, 13:50,
Reply)
You is slaggin of teh Rob
Trie and do dat to mi face.
(
Monty Propps, Thu 14 Aug 2008, 13:49,
Reply)
well
he didn't say what the subject needed to be :)
(
masakatsu best of all the burger meats, Thu 14 Aug 2008, 13:53,
Reply)
Levenshulme can go fuck that shit, yeah cos we know how to do it.
(
masakatsu best of all the burger meats, Thu 14 Aug 2008, 14:14,
Reply)
Yeah,
but teh welland estate crew will beat yo bitches down.
(
@RBFesquire Good luck b3ta, was nice knowing you. So long., Thu 14 Aug 2008, 14:21,
Reply)
Always been proud of this one
I met a young girl from Westminster
And it turned out that she was a spinster
She always said no
Till beneath her window
With a sweet serenade I convinced her
(
flatfrog Staring vacantly into space, Thu 14 Aug 2008, 13:46,
Reply)
There is a guy called Veitch,
Who very rarely wears a stitch,
He turned 'round to Rob,
Veitch got out his knob,
And said, 'bend over and take this, you bitch'.
(
@RBFesquire Good luck b3ta, was nice knowing you. So long., Thu 14 Aug 2008, 13:49,
Reply)
one quo related one for you
There was an old man named rossi
who, it was said, was quite bossy
he had lots of cocaine but none of the power
then his septum fell out in the shower
And the last line of the limerick got lossi.
(
Rebel biscuit stercore sumus et nos esse novimus, Thu 14 Aug 2008, 13:50,
Reply)
And the last line of the limerick got lossi.
Harumph.
(
Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 14 Aug 2008, 13:53,
Reply)
i'll have that
:P
(
Rebel biscuit stercore sumus et nos esse novimus, Thu 14 Aug 2008, 14:20,
Reply)
There once was this girl from china,
Who had a marble stuck in her vagina,
The doctor did shout,
When the marble flew out,
And gave him a huge bloomin' shiner.
(
@RBFesquire Good luck b3ta, was nice knowing you. So long., Thu 14 Aug 2008, 13:54,
Reply)
Thats all my own work,
it took me ages to get onto here, as I was giggling like a girl too much ;-)
(
@RBFesquire Good luck b3ta, was nice knowing you. So long., Thu 14 Aug 2008, 14:02,
Reply)
oOoH
There once was a poet from /links
Who wrote a limerick that stinks
He said "I'm quite shit"
And yes, that was it.
And the last line had very little to do with the first 4.
(
MrGomez and David Bellamy's big pubey beard, Thu 14 Aug 2008, 14:07,
Reply)
there once was a little old man
with a tiny attention span...
OH LOOK NEW LINK ABOVE!!
(
masakatsu best of all the burger meats, Thu 14 Aug 2008, 14:12,
Reply)
Is this for me?
No one has written for me before ;-)
I specialise in random words you know.
(
@RBFesquire Good luck b3ta, was nice knowing you. So long., Thu 14 Aug 2008, 14:13,
Reply)
There once was a young lad called Joel
Who had a great big huge pole.
Around it he'd dance
Whilst wearing pink pants
With a kitten stuffed up his hole
(, Thu 14 Aug 2008, 14:11, Reply)
That's an album for sure
maybe one about his mum would definitely finish it up ;)
(
Floppy Donkey crawled out of the ditch., Thu 14 Aug 2008, 16:46,
Reply)
Whilst playing around on the Net
Joel Veitch made a odd bet.
He would cut off his nob
and feed it to Rob.
He hasn't done this thing yet.
Sorry, I'm rubbish at limericks.
(, Thu 14 Aug 2008, 14:18, Reply)
'Danger is Dangerous' says Joel, condescending,
'Cause his real talent is for bending,
Straws for Mac Ds,
And measuring peas,
For all the folks at Knots Landing.
Stop me if I get to obscure.
(
@RBFesquire Good luck b3ta, was nice knowing you. So long., Thu 14 Aug 2008, 14:31,
Reply)
The band Seven Seconds Of Love
As a statment, released a dove
It flew into a wall
And then they all
Gave kittens all their love
(
Monty Propps, Thu 14 Aug 2008, 14:35,
Reply)
Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger
Badger Badger Badger Badger
Badger Badger Badger Badger
Badger Badger Badger Badger
MUSHROOM MUSHROOM
/planning a major fail
(
@RBFesquire Good luck b3ta, was nice knowing you. So long., Thu 14 Aug 2008, 14:52,
Reply)
I like it
got some emotion in it
(
Floppy Donkey crawled out of the ditch., Thu 14 Aug 2008, 14:59,
Reply)
I was going for the tragic comedy of Waiting for Godot.
By ripping off weebl at the same time.
(
@RBFesquire Good luck b3ta, was nice knowing you. So long., Thu 14 Aug 2008, 15:06,
Reply)
And another, inspired by a charming b3tard.
Their is this chap called claptonista,
Who seems incredibly pissed a,
Moment ago,
He sent out such woe,
'Cause the cunt has no sense of humour.
(
@RBFesquire Good luck b3ta, was nice knowing you. So long., Thu 14 Aug 2008, 15:26,
Reply)
Limeric shimerdick
There once was a guy named 'big' Ted
Who married a girl with a small head
When he told her to suck
His dick became stuck
....i'm a dickhead that rhymes bad.
(
Floppy Donkey crawled out of the ditch., Thu 14 Aug 2008, 15:43,
Reply)
I don't know
There once was a kitten called Thor
Who was half-cat and half wild boar
With his massive sharp tusk
He was terribly brusque
When the Holy Joes came to the door.
(
notmoro and mrnotmoro : formerly Ishamael and his Missus, Thu 14 Aug 2008, 16:06,
Reply)
Colourful holes...
The hole to the rear of my nuts,
Squirts out pound after pound of brown guts,
Yet the hole on my penis,
Squirts out yellow/white - wee/jiz,
From behind me a vicar just tuts.
(, Thu 14 Aug 2008, 16:16, Reply)
A helmet's a chap's pride and joy,
It can pleasure, satisfy and destroy,
If you plunge it in butter,
Words of bliss you will utter,
In the distance, a vicar looks coy.
(, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 15:34, Reply)
Rubbing cheese in your scrotum is glee,
Be it Camembert, Cheddar or Brie,
With one's balls smeared in Fetta,
It gets better and better,
Lo! A vicar scowls crossly at me.
(, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 15:45, Reply)
Who said fisting was just for the gays?
With the right creams, you'll be in a daze,
While your posture is hunched,
And your kidney gets punched,
A blind vicar just listens and prays
(, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 15:53, Reply)
While some might say that you're a pariah,
If you set your erection on fire,
It's actually quite thrilling,
Creamy blobs soon start spilling,
Vicars glare and quote lines from Isiah.
(, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 16:06, Reply)
Hahahahaha
I'm beginning to see a pattern here.
Lie down on this couch.
(
Flowerpot No longer has the vapours thanks to DTH, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 19:15,
Reply)
There once was a man called Burt Reynolds
Who had a penchant for 10-year olds
He'd saddle up on his horse
And drag kids through the gorse
Then laugh as he made them drink alcohol.
(, Thu 14 Aug 2008, 17:18, Reply)
Limericks are too hard.
The limerick writer may curse,
at the meter, but it could be worse,
the haiku is wronger
the sonnet is longer
and don't let me start on free verse
I wrote this while failing to write a limerick.
.
(and I apologise for the word 'wronger')
(
prince-igor si tacuisses, philosophus mansisses, Thu 14 Aug 2008, 17:32,
Reply)
It should be wrogerer
(
@RBFesquire Good luck b3ta, was nice knowing you. So long., Thu 14 Aug 2008, 17:35,
Reply)
by my alter ego
I spy on the whole internet
Check your words and your pics for a threat
If I find any badness
I'll track down your address
Then send a report to the Met
"Google{Bot}
(
CanonCaliber A big bore, Thu 14 Aug 2008, 17:38,
Reply)
Some would say that Ska music's shite...
But I'd not say that's totally right.
Cos Joel and the gang got together and sang.
So now we must all Kung Fu fight.
(
Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Thu 14 Aug 2008, 18:13,
Reply)
There once was a guy we'll call Veitch.
Who's album I heard was a peach.
He sang all the lines,
about ninja's and Swine.
Cos he wants to retire to the beach.
(
Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Sat 16 Aug 2008, 8:12,
Reply)
There once was a Bishop from Birmingham
Who buggered young boys whilst confirming 'em.
As they looked up to God,
He whipped out his rod,
and pumped his episcapal sperm in 'em.
I'm not sorry.
(
WormuIus, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 14:01,
Reply)
One I wrote during the Michael Jackson trial...
Jermaine, Tito and Co
Went to court in support of their Bro
The judge said 'Yo, Mick
What you done was sick
And didn't you once have a 'fro?'
(
scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 14:17,
Reply)
There was a necrophiliac named Jeremy
Who said to his mates, will you bury me?
Cos I can't get a whiff
Of a willing young stiff
So I might as well wank in the cemetary.
(
Brandy_Bumwinkle, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 14:29,
Reply)
Too rude.
I came up with a limerick that was too vile even for B3TA, so I'll just say "lah-de-lah-de-lah through the really rude bits, OK?
La lah-de-lah-de-lah,
La lah-de-lah-de-lah.
La lah-de-lah,
La lah-de-lah,
La lah-de-lah-de cunt.
(, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 14:40, Reply)
WOGAN!
There once was a man we called Wogan,
Who dreamed he was humping Gabs Logan,
Then he opened his eyes,
And got a nasty surprise,
Coz he found he was bumming Hulk Hogan.
incidentally, Wogan is actually *from* Limerick
(
mrlogic is copying your beard, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 14:41,
Reply)
And one I remember from childhood:
There once was a man from Guyana,
who learned how to play the piano.
His fingers slipped,
his fly buttons ripped,
and out popped a hairy banana.
Yay!
(
mrlogic is copying your beard, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 14:46,
Reply)
nantucket
There once was a man from Nantucket,
Whose dick was so long he could suck it,
He said with a grin,
as he wiped off his chin,
If my ear were a cunt, I would fuck it!
(, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 14:45, Reply)
There once was a young man named Joel
Who stuffed coal up his arse with a pole
By clenching his cheeks
He shat diamonds for weeks
Much less painful than claiming the dole
(
Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 14:53,
Reply)
There was a young man from Devizes,
Who had balls of two different sizes,
He had the larger one shrunk,
By draining the spunk,
Into ladies' warm hairy pies(ez).
(
Draconacticus Reject shampoo. Demand real poo!, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 15:00,
Reply)
?
There once was a cunt in the fuck
who shitted a fuck in the cunt
a cock in your eye
rectal bleeding AAAGH
shit cocking cuntfucking felch.
(, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 15:21, Reply)
Ode to Ongar
There was a young lady from Ongar
Who wanted her man to last longer
She gave him Viagra
He came like Niagra (sp)
Now he's like dead dingo's donger.
My uncle wrote that for me and my husband when we moved to Ongar...I dread to think how he came to think like that about us!
(, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 15:30, Reply)
As he;s back in the country today...
I took it once up the shitter
when I was young and met gary glitter
and Jonathon King
showed me his thing
But pete townsend ignored me, I'm bitter.
(
scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 16:04,
Reply)
>_< this took far too long...
...
Take a minute, please sit down there
I'll tell you a story 'bout where
My life turned around
Got flipped upside down
Became I Fresh Prince of Bel Air
West Philadelphia raised
On playground spent most of my days
Shoot'n b-ball at school
Relaxing, being cool
When two guys start acting like gays
These two guys were up to no good
Make'n trouble in my neighbourhood
I got in a fight
My mom had a fright
"To Bel Air, you jug-eared coon!"
I whistled, a cab then came near
The taxi had dice on the mirror
If anything, yeah
This cab was rare
Licence plate read "Fresh", that is clear.
I arrived about seven or eight
Yelled 'bye' to the cabbie, "Bye, mate"
My kingdom, oh yeah
I'm finally there
Fresh Prince of Bel Air, I equate.
(, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 16:04, Reply)
Limerick
Whilst browsing the "Rather Good" section,
I noticed Joel Veitch's erection,
Abusing kittens
In bondage and mittens
No wonder he's got an infection!
or
Whilst browsing the "Rather Good" section,
I noticed Joel Veitch's erection,
Abusing kittens
In stilettos and mittens
So I rang up the kitty protection.
(, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 16:08, Reply)
FILTHY LYMERICCY
There was a man from Downducket,
Who's cock was so large he could suck it,
He said with a grin,
Wiping cum from his chin,
"if my ear was a cunt i would fuck it".
(, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 16:42, Reply)
There was a young man from Newcastle
Who didn't see sex as a hassle
'til he fucked his own mum
And then she fucked his bum
And his dad went to town on his ass-hole
(, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 16:47, Reply)
Wash your cock, you dirty Bertie!
A young man who thought himself punky
Never cleaned up when all spunky
The terrible smell
Of his jismy bell
Could well be described as quite skunky
(
kinks rock over London, rock on Chicago, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 16:48,
Reply)
The once was an amourous horse,
who was hidden upon a golf course,
a lady selected the driver,
but the horse was inside her,
filling her up with his sauce.
(
Lightguy hail satan, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 16:54,
Reply)
McManus
There once was a man named McManus
Who loved to jam things up his .... nose.
While dreaming of Venus,
He whipped out his p'kleenex,
And said to his lawyers: "Retain us."
(, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 17:00, Reply)
and the punchline comes with tedious inevitability
Oh What of the tale of Enis?
He could been first man on Venus
but in limericks rules,
the kind written in schools
he's just a man with a whopping great penis
(, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 17:06, Reply)
based on a true person
there was this bloke called will,
who lived on top of a hill,
he was a geek and a nerd,
so he couldn't get a bird,
that's why his lover's called bill
(
sock more tea vicar?, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 18:10,
Reply)
There was a man from a place
Who had something wrong with his face
I can't quite explain,
and I've forgotten his name,
As limericks are not to my taste.
(, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 18:24, Reply)
Limerick
Little Jack Horner sat in the corner
Eating his apple pie
He stuck in his thumb
And pulled out a plum
And said "Why the fuck is there a friggin' plum in me apple pie?"
(, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 19:01, Reply)
There was a young lady called Jacqui
who found she had run out of backy
as she popped down the shops
her blood sugar drops
And she found herself suddenly snacky and a bit wobbly and wow! look at those chilli crisps. They are like, so cool! And I'd better get some chocolate too and we need light bulbs and stuff. Look at these lighters with boobs on them! And some catnip too. What do you mean there's no catnip? Fuck! I'll have some Highland Toffee instead.
(
LordManley twitter.com/LordManley, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 19:06,
Reply)
It's not dirty, but...
In Argentinia, one day Joel saw,
An advert with ninjas galore,
He contacted coke:
'Is this some kind of joke?'
Long story short - he's now not as poor
(, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 19:07, Reply)
This pie lover shaped like an egg
once got down on one knee to beg
his best mate called Bob
"please haul out your knob
and cover my rude bits with smeg".
Thank you
*curtseys*
(
Flowerpot No longer has the vapours thanks to DTH, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 19:12,
Reply)
Um...
There once was a 7SOL visit.
Supporting Eel Shock for a bit,
Said I couldn't see 'um,
So they moved them to Brum,
But a wedding in Wales made me miss it!
It's a true story actually - I raved about 7SOL to the EES tour manager drunkenly, said he'd love them and that they were a great choice but how I'd never seen them live. Couple of weeks later he said he'd moved them to the larger Birmingham venue gig that I could go to - only for the good lady to point out that she was being bridesmaid that very day a couple of hundred miles away in Wales. I never did apologise to Joel & the lads so - - sorry...!
And for extra post to lurking value:
There once was a rapist called Granger,
whose perversions were filled with danger,
When asked why break laws
when you can fuck whores
he just said 'its more fun with a stranger'
(
NLi10 lurker - 10yrs & counting..., Fri 15 Aug 2008, 19:20,
Reply)
Album-cover related paedo laffs
There once was a cat with two eye-men
who were boasting of breaking a hymen
Not so bad, you might think
but the Cops raised a stink
as they'd fucked a deaf toddler named Simon
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Bingowings 2011 Businessman of the Year (Watford Branch), Fri 15 Aug 2008, 19:25,
Reply)
a band, seven seconds of love
all emptied themselves in a glove
there songs all do linger
i would drink every finger
if i could win the contents above
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Supersam11 Can I go on the slides please?, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 19:31,
Reply)
In the style of Weebl and Bob's soundtrack...
Nya nya nyaa nya nya nya-nya nya nyaaa
Nya nya nya nya nya nyaaa nya nya naaaa
Nya nya naaa nya na naaa
Nya nya na na na naaa
Nya na naaa-na nya naaa-na na na!
...Pie!
(
Amish Information Systems hates misplaced, commas, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 23:19,
Reply)
I puked on a lemur in Cairo
so he stabbed my left tit with a Biro
I let out a fart
as it pierced my heart
then I died and my nan cashed my Giro
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grey kid is breakdancing to save a community centre, Sat 16 Aug 2008, 13:19,
Reply)
I once wrote a ditty
and it was quite a pity
that it wasn't much good at all,
so I started again
and decided right then
to go bash my head on the wall
(, Sun 17 Aug 2008, 11:58, Reply)
This one had me in stitches.
Cutting your cock clean in half,
Would make the normal bloke barf,
I thought it was slick,
A really neat trick,
So I gave it a go for a larf!
(
@RBFesquire Good luck b3ta, was nice knowing you. So long., Sun 17 Aug 2008, 14:37,
Reply)
hmm
this contest has to be some kind of joke
anyone could win with a quick chance to toke
few puffs and some time
anyone could rhyme
and win this CD from Crab-bloke
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Pope Yoda is OLD, Mon 18 Aug 2008, 4:00,
Reply)
a bit nasty
There was a young woman from Lymm
Who had a ginormous quim
It wasn't the size that attracted the flies
But the jelly that hung round the rim
(, Mon 18 Aug 2008, 9:44, Reply)
Limerick Compo
There was a young vampire called Mabel,
With periods exceedlingly stable,
Each night at full moon,
She would take out a spoon,
And drink herself under the table....
AyFangYu
Pleeeeze give me one of the albums Pleeeeeze !
(, Mon 18 Aug 2008, 20:38, Reply)
Compy
There once was a girl called Sinitta
If you met her yourself you would beat her
She was sweaty and crap
Had a smelly arse crack
And a snatch that smelt of Ryvita.
i thank my mum and dad for giving me the education opportunities that enabled me to craft that when I was 16 (thats a looooooooong time ago) xx
(, Tue 19 Aug 2008, 12:34, Reply)
There once was a man called Joel
Who found it was hard to cajole,
Difficult words into Limericks,
So he ate some mango biscuits,
Zygote, histrionic, ebatic
(, Wed 20 Aug 2008, 3:41, Reply)
There once was a woman from Bicester,
...who had a peculiar blister.
It was not on her foot,
nor on her face,
but where I had previously kissed her.
(
Turquoise Hexagon Sun has just dropped acid on, Wed 20 Aug 2008, 17:16,
Reply)