Since I'm now resigned to leading a life of celibacy, I'm thinking of stretching my earlobes again.
10 B3ta points to the person who has the best/funniest reason why I shouldn't.
( girlinthehole, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 12:54, 202 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

New thread without trannies in it while I'm at work.
So a church of 50 people is burning the Koran to celebrate september the 11th?

What are your well thought out and obviously not at all reactionary opinions?
(PsychoChomp, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 12:11, 180 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I can't stop listening to the Jim Jones Sodding Revue now
It's putting me off my work & house-sorting activities.

Does anyone else here have a legitimate reason to despise Monty? (Cat Hater need not apply.)

Edit Oh yeah, alternaqueue. Since we're talking music, I have a whole load of CDs I want to clear out. Few games too. A friend suggested Music Magpie; they any good? Or is there a better site?

_{No I am not easily distracted and will seize any excuse, shut up. It's bloody well his fault}
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 11:12, 277 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Christ, slow around here innit?
I can't spend much time here any more and for some unknowable reason I kinda miss you lot. Can I get my fix? A digest, if you will, of the ups and downs of the past few weeks on Off Topic, the dramaz and the lulz, and your thoughts thereof. Or, which former poster do you miss the most, and why?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 9:33, 244 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Todmorden! On Breakfast News!
I only mention it because it looks like the canal path has been well and truly tidied up.
Fit for a bit of right Royal rape.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 8 Sep 2010, 7:59, 92 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

If anyone cares...
The new LP* by The Jim Jones Revue is fucking superb.

If you like Little Richard, Jerry Lee Lewis, The Sonics, The Fabulous Wailers or any other proper raucous rock'n'roll then this is for you. I know I'm always ranting on about how shit current bands are, but to my wizened ears these fellows have got it right. They're not just a 50s rock'n'roll nostalgia act but the real deal.

Of course, if you're a Bowie-loving chutney-monger then move right along please.

*Burning Your House Down
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:08, 217 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

*pops head round door*
Hello! I haven't been here for a while (so long I forgot my login details and had to create a new profile), is everyone keeping well?
(LucyVanPelt, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 16:50, 50 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Is this the ultimate geekery?
mamememo.blogspot.com/2010/09/qlobe.html

He's basically written a program with a globe in, which outputs a program that has the globe rotated 45 degrees, which in turn outputs a program with it rotated a further 45 degrees, and so on until you get one that outputs the original program.

Ever seen anything even close to that in sheer pointless nerdosity?

EDIT: I fixed the damn link you whiners.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 15:45, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I offered to employ my sister as my business advisor when I become a dragon
to stop me investing in ridiculous businesses that I think are funny.

Her first suggestion was to have a range of supermarkets where no children are allowed, her reasoning is that it makes the shopping experience slightly less hellish and would attract rich posh types. I love this idea, I think I will create a whole range of places without kids and top of the list will be a cinema.

What would you like to see? Nil points for breasts or my mum, or my mum's breasts.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:50, 204 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Finally!
|
|
V
( Captain V, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 12:55, 124 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Lunch.
What are you having?

Alt Q: What's best and why. Christmas, New Year or your Birthday?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 12:19, 206 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

"Brit breaks new snake world record" - bloke from Crawley spends four months in a room with 40 venomous snakes.
Linky: news.uk.msn.com/odd-news/features/articles.aspx?ucpg=5&cp-documentid=154557517#uc2Lst

Well, er, that's nice?

What pointless world record would you like to break/set?

Alternative question: what's the best animal you've been bitten by?
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 11:13, 191 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Not even going to begin to try and catch up on that behemoth
I have had to go to uni this morning to fill in another CRB form as they didn't recieve mine in the post. The only reason I knew about this is because I rang them yesterday to see where my starter pack was. These forms have to be processed by tomorrow latest or I would lose my place on the degree. I asked the lady if anyone would have contacted me and she just looked a bit puzzled.

What monumental clerical cock ups have stitched you up? or have you caused any?

CRB = Criminal Records Background (checking you don't touch kids)
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:17, 154 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Don't worry, I'll get the door again you fat lazy moo, don't get up. Carry on reading the paper, it's fine.
What's pissing you off already this morning?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 8:40, 299 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Is iTunes playing silly arses for anyone else?
I downloaded the latest iTunes update last week, and since then have been unable to access anything in my library - or even to see it listed.

Has anyone else had this problem? Did you solve it? How?
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 20:10, 44 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

So it appears I have zero friends
I posted a York Bash on the calendar and no takers. I am going to be very VERY lonely.

Any takers from OT? Mistaspakkaman arranged the last York one but I haven't seen him on here in ages.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 18:19, 38 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I can beat your headline hands down
Man forced to marry cow faints at wedding
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 16:38, 79 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

"Runaway hay bale kills ELO cellist "
How's that for a headline?
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 16:19, 54 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

We've had boredom and fed up - what about POLITICAL CONTROVERSY.
Tonight and tomorrow my travels to and from work will be completely fucked up by Bob Crow and his club of blackmailers.

Now I personally do not give a fucking shit about those mongols and their shitty but incredibly well paid jobs. I really DO object to London being held to ransom every time these ghastly peasants fancy another payrise.

I put it to you that in this day and age employment law more than adequately protects 'the worker' and thus trades unions are redundant when considering the reasons why they were formed. Do you agree?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 15:36, 137 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Alright, techno geeks.
I need your help. As you may or may not remember/care, my beloved mp3 player broke last month, and despite Psychochomp's help remained firmly fucked. The battery on my old one only lasts half and hour and since I walk everywhere in Manchester, I need a new one.
Thing is, I haven't got a fucking clue what I'm looking for. Every player has some rave reviews and some "don't even bother" reviews, so I have no idea whether they're worth the risk.

I'm looking for a 8/16gb mp3 or 4 player, and I don't care if it does anything else besides play music. Can any one recommend any makes or models? Any one who says iPod wins a kick in the face and a mac up the arse.

Alt Q: Tell me about your favourite pair of shoes.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 15:36, 84 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Well we've had boredom and fed up.
What is everyone else feeling right now?

Can I state that meh IS a valid state of mind and should be in the dictionary.
( girlinthehole, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 14:18, 156 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

What's in YOUR ultimate sandwich?
new thread time, bored.

For lunch I have a bacon'n'avacardo'n'salt&vinegar McCoys sandwich and a mango snapple.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 13:27, 123 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

right, debated posting this several times.
but fuck it. Cheer me up, I really need some cheering up tonight. Please?
thanks.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 6 Sep 2010, 12:06, 151 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

It's too fucking early on a Monday to be talking about diets and grammar
My dad who is 60 ran a half marathon yesterday. I was bloody impressed with the old guy.

What has someone done to surprise/impress you recently?

Alt Q: Do you fancy anyone in your work environment?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:54, 137 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

If it sounds too good to be true...
Remember that diet I started 5 days ago? The "eat as much as you can, but only proteins" diet?

Well, I weight myself after 4 days of doing it (yesterday), and... I've lost 2.5kg!!!

That's coming from someone who's normal everyday food is basically salads and vegetables, no oil, no fats, very few carbs... And someone who's been eating like a pig for 4 days, never hungry, never tired, never upset.

I'm so amazed and happy! I can wear my jeans again! (Ok, they are my biggest jeans, the super sexy ones are a long way to go)

So there you are, sometimes, if it sounds too good to be true... it is true.

Which pleasant surprises have you recived?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 6 Sep 2010, 9:32, 129 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

It's been a mixed weekend
gig on Friday was half great, half average.

Wedding on Saturday was most excellent aside from the mortifying bit where my mate's girlfriend (who was incredibly drunk) told my mate's mum that we had decided that she is still the hottest of our friend's mums. While I was there. I felt we all coped very well though. And I still stand by it.

Surf yesterday was incredible, however I seem to have fucked my neck.

How was your weekend?

Not that I'm going to be around to read it today, I'm off to walk along a river in the rain.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 8:22, 121 replies, latest was 16 years ago)