for html class I'm supposed to research professional webdesigner tips for webpages
so I thought I could just ask you guys, cause lots of you are nerds for a living.
( Funtastic Pony Magic, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 12:10, archived)

use lots of comic sans
everone loves it
( Randomgazz, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 12:11, archived)

heh
that made me giggle
( Funtastic Pony Magic, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 12:11, archived)

don't test 220V power supplies with your tongue
(this tip may not be relevant ... but it's a damn good tip)
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 12:12, archived)

Also do not touch live plugs without backs
it hurts
( Randomgazz, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 12:14, archived)

only the following two sites actually qualify me as a "professional" web designer,
www.dojy.co.uk
www.synmusic.net

but i wouldn't really recommend them as examples of good professional code
( sex and dougs and rock n roll, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 12:13, archived)

Ooh, sorry about this
but that reminded me of another pet hate of mine: "Click to Enter" pages. I already clicked, dammit!
( Newington, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:26, archived)

er
and 'noframes'
or, in fact, 'frames'

...

and tables.
(pseudosocrates, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:48, archived)

What coding practices are considered 'good'
are always changing.
Things like cookies, frames, CSS, are often the greatest thing on the net one week and utterly horrid and deprecated the next. I remember about four years ago someone saying cookies were going to be outlawed in the US. There's no way you can keep up with what's the cool tool of the week. Just make things that (a) look nice, and (b) work. (Shrug.)

But while I'm here, a personal hate of mine is fixed-by-pixel font sizes, which CSS sites tend to result in, where you can't enlarge the text, and it's often too tiny to be readable.

Mind you I'm a web programmer, Jim, not a web designer.
( Newington, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 12:19, archived)

ARSEBADGERS.
That just prompted me to check one of my sites to make sure you can resize the text. You can, but if you expand it more than about 300% everything breaks out of its boxes.

*frantically edits CSS*
( supermoore: HUNG, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 12:52, archived)

No one will ever make a website
that looks good like they want no matter what browser is being used to look at it, at whatever font size, etc. You just have to accept that people with their settings near enough to your own will see roughly what you see.

/easy for me to say, my pay doesn't depend on front-end work
( Newington, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:24, archived)

web designing tips:
don't make pages for dirty scumbags who wont pay up

next
( sprinkles ITS AN ISLAND, morron, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 12:46, archived)

go here:
www.webpagesthatsuck.com

and don't be like them.
( newg rum n coke, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:57, archived)

It took me 10 mins to work out the reason that it was quiet was I had forgoten to turn on the speakers
does this make me stupid?
( Randomgazz, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 12:09, archived)

yes

( Funtastic Pony Magic, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 12:10, archived)

this could probably be done over MSN
but are you coming to the oxford bash?
( comrade yannovski and then, of course, there was the schnapps monkey, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 12:11, archived)

no, i do things like that all the time at work.
only it's worse when you work in a recording studio.
( sex and dougs and rock n roll, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 12:11, archived)

what studio do you work in?

( comrade yannovski and then, of course, there was the schnapps monkey, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 12:12, archived)

antenna studios, crystal palace, south london.
if you're coming tommorrow, it's the first i've heard of it :)
( sex and dougs and rock n roll, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 12:17, archived)

suprise!
going to warehouse studios in oxford, i didnt realisticly expect you to work there, as i know all the guys and they are all far to stoned to contemplate typing on teh intarweb
( comrade yannovski and then, of course, there was the schnapps monkey, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 12:19, archived)

RICE!

( Tiggy Twitchin', Fri 10 Sep 2004, 11:46, archived)

tis nice

( comrade yannovski and then, of course, there was the schnapps monkey, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 11:46, archived)

..to see you, to see you..
..rice
( Hankster, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 11:46, archived)

and
peeeeeeeeeeeea
(boukha, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 11:49, archived)

RICE!

( Tiggy Twitchin', Fri 10 Sep 2004, 11:50, archived)

and
peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeea
(boukha, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 11:52, archived)

PEA!

( Tiggy Twitchin', Fri 10 Sep 2004, 11:55, archived)

Is school finished?

( Hankster, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 11:55, archived)

yes. about 4 years ago.
but this work is dull.

ill stop being a pillock now.
( Tiggy Twitchin', Fri 10 Sep 2004, 11:58, archived)

Carry on
:)
( Hankster, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 12:38, archived)

because you can't rape thalidomide niggers with a pitchfork

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 11:50, archived)

your just not trying hard enough

( comrade yannovski and then, of course, there was the schnapps monkey, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 11:51, archived)

You're right
but in my defence I've been very busy putting epileptic Beslan schoolgirls in a blender.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 11:53, archived)

spaz. spaz. breeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh. slosh.

( Tiggy Twitchin', Fri 10 Sep 2004, 11:54, archived)

( Hankster, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 11:55, archived)

truly sick
but I larfed

*shakes head*
( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:44, archived)

Shall I go to the pub tonight
or just sit at my PC with my nine cans of ale and Marlboro lights?

There will be girls in the pub, but I'm on a budget this month
( Hankster, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 11:21, archived)

and fwap infront...
of the webcam ?
( FlanFlinger 🥧, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 11:23, archived)

It can be arranged

( Hankster, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 11:23, archived)

drinking alone is bad
but are you ever truely alone when on b3ta?
( comrade yannovski and then, of course, there was the schnapps monkey, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 11:23, archived)

Well that's the thing
It's like getting drunk with people I know anyway.
Just less chavs and low cut tops
( Hankster, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 11:24, archived)

was this going to be a night out in oxford?
or didders?
( comrade yannovski and then, of course, there was the schnapps monkey, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 11:25, archived)

Just didders

( Hankster, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 11:25, archived)

stay at home then
didders has a higher chav ratio than wycombe (which i didnt think possible)
( comrade yannovski and then, of course, there was the schnapps monkey, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 11:27, archived)

and it smells.

( Tiggy Twitchin', Fri 10 Sep 2004, 11:28, archived)

Depends where I go really
my local has a high chav content but they're harmless trainee chavs, and it's a big place so my group of "normal" people can find a nice space near the duke box speakers and monopolise the tunes by putting about ten quid in it before the R&B brigade arrive.
Muhahahaha
( Hankster, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 11:29, archived)

sitting there
with your pipe and slippers ?


/strokes whippet
( FlanFlinger 🥧, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 11:30, archived)

Not quite yet
I'm cool as fuck me.

*adjusts twead blazer and cravat*
( Hankster, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 11:31, archived)

hehehhe
Some of us still wear the obligatroy "Scorpions On Tour 1982" T shirt, faded jeans and HiTech Slamdunkers.

/plays air guitar
( FlanFlinger 🥧, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 11:32, archived)

*dons original 89 G'n'R t shirt and drainpipes*

( Tiggy Twitchin', Fri 10 Sep 2004, 11:34, archived)

i have no interesting clothes, but i wanted to join in
( comrade yannovski and then, of course, there was the schnapps monkey, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 11:36, archived)

*mutters to himself*
"youngsters huh.....no taste"
( FlanFlinger 🥧, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 11:36, archived)

pshhh

( Tiggy Twitchin', Fri 10 Sep 2004, 11:42, archived)

Scorpions are playing
here, tomorrow night. And it's one of the musical events of the year.
(Mori, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 12:16, archived)

*puts on a low cut top*
man boobs on full show
( FlanFlinger 🥧, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 11:25, archived)

but low cut tops rock.

( Tiggy Twitchin', Fri 10 Sep 2004, 11:25, archived)

!
www.b3ta.com/talk/26776
( comrade yannovski and then, of course, there was the schnapps monkey, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 11:26, archived)

*furiously fwaps*

( Tiggy Twitchin', Fri 10 Sep 2004, 11:27, archived)

*blushes*

( FlanFlinger 🥧, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 11:28, archived)

I know
Crop tops and low slung jeans, Best chick fashion ever.

/Perv
( Hankster, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 11:26, archived)

i couldnt agree more.

( Tiggy Twitchin', Fri 10 Sep 2004, 11:28, archived)

fewer
FEWER!!
(Christopsy, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 11:33, archived)

to what are you refering?

( comrade yannovski and then, of course, there was the schnapps monkey, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 11:35, archived)

Yes, to what?

( Hankster, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 11:43, archived)

i utterly demand to know who the fuck is reffering!

( Tiggy Twitchin', Fri 10 Sep 2004, 11:45, archived)

what are you talking about
crazy man
( comrade yannovski and then, of course, there was the schnapps monkey, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 11:47, archived)

O whore!

( Tiggy Twitchin', Fri 10 Sep 2004, 11:50, archived)

*whistles*
dunno wat ya talkin bout, guv
( comrade yannovski and then, of course, there was the schnapps monkey, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 11:51, archived)

fewer
chavs and low-cut tops, not less


is what i believe he is referring to, and I for won admire his pedanticism



*sets trap*
( cunilinguini, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 12:04, archived)

oh
*looks at bait, decides not to take it*

i guess you could say that i one
( comrade yannovski and then, of course, there was the schnapps monkey, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 12:07, archived)

indeed you did
well dun sir

but what about everyone else - did they're pedantic tendencies get the better of them?
( cunilinguini, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 12:08, archived)

Just less chavs and low cut tops

(Christopsy, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:16, archived)

my first ever poem, Ode to Bumrape Friday
If Friday was a lady,
I’d take it from the rear,
Because Friday gets my juices up,
With Saturday so near.

But this Saturday I have to work,
Which really is a joke,
So Friday gets it up the arse,
Because now it is a bloke.
'ning
( mongychops, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 10:26, archived)

Pffft!
Excellent!
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 10:31, archived)

haha excellent. i did one last friday. 'unthemed friday of random'
Bubble Headed Penny Farthing Man:


Bubble Headed Penny Farthing Man.
You boneless shell of a man.
If you were a woman I'd give you the beating of your life.
And you'd fold into the shape of a Cambodian's
penny pinching piston cradle.
( Tiggy Twitchin', Fri 10 Sep 2004, 10:42, archived)

QOTW
It strikes me that it's not a bad bit of catharsis. All the truly dark / nasty / racist / everthing-ist stuff gets exorcised in one thread.

Whaddya reckon?

By the way, am I the only person who has already heard every single joke that's been posted so far?
( Bad Horsey Bring back Dr. Ubes Rub!, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 9:52, archived)

how does it smell?

( Tiggy Twitchin', Fri 10 Sep 2004, 9:53, archived)

Alaska

( Bad Horsey Bring back Dr. Ubes Rub!, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 9:55, archived)

Yemen.

( Tiggy Twitchin', Fri 10 Sep 2004, 9:59, archived)

Genoa?

(GoldenFanjita whistle posse blow! horns crew i can't hear you!, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 10:44, archived)

don't Russia!

( Tiggy Twitchin', Fri 10 Sep 2004, 11:08, archived)

Himalayan?

( Syncubus Yarr! Ye'll be walking Planck's Constant! [GMT-5], Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:43, archived)

There are a lot of very unsuitable jokes on there (Depending on ones sensitivities of course)
But the Dawn French one did make me laugh.
It's more a play on words than anything else.
( Hankster, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 10:03, archived)

I've heard a lot
but I've not posted mine as yet
( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 10:10, archived)

It's crap and boring
Jokes that are funny when pissed in the pub become dull when read online - especially the racist ones, which I would probably have a guilty snigger at if one of my mates said them, because I'd know they didn't actually believe the stuff. With faceless internet people it's hard to tell, so any potential humour is instantly removed.

Oh, and Ning people.

Oh, and *bumrapes everyone*
( TV's Nosemonkey, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 10:52, archived)

'ning
you humourless fuck.

*dry humps*
( supermoore: HUNG, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 10:54, archived)

Yours was good, mind
And the dead baby ones always raise a chuckle. I just don't see what's funny or clever about saying things along the lines of "and then it turned out he was a NIGGER!!!!oneoneoneeleven!!!1!!11!" It's not offensive, it's just pathetic.

Plus there is the whole problem that by the third page most of the good ones have been repeated several times over.

But anyway...

*opens up fresh hole in the back of supermoore's thigh with his trusty stanley knife*
*humps and spoffs*
( TV's Nosemonkey, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 10:59, archived)

'ning bum lord
*Bums*
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 10:59, archived)

Pretty much agreed.
"What crazy trouble have you got yourself into by telling inappropriate jokes?" would have been a good question, if it had been made clear that they didn't just want jokes themselves.
Yeah, I posted an answer as mundane as anyone else's
( Newington, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 11:29, archived)

I'd not heard your one
And I fair pissed 'em too...
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 10:57, archived)

Just an excuse
For some people that have been hiding their racist/homophobic tendencies to display their true feelings.

It's ok becuse it's ironic.

*sigh*

Note: I don't mean all of them, but like a few others in this thread, I think that some of the jokes are just pointless.
( Mike Fishcake teamfishcake.co.uk - better than your mum's face, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 11:43, archived)

Moving house
I am in the process of potentially moving house. Waiting for potential buyers on my flat, and waiting to have an offer accepted on a new house.

If I get this new house, it means I will be able to get a couple of cats from the local RSPCA shelter. (got my girlfriends permission and everything)

What do people think of the names Yodel and Bongo.

Cute or retarded?

Plus, in the new place I would have two (count them, one, two) sheds! how cool, one is reseved for fridge/freezer/washing machine type stuff. But what to do with the other?
(Bingo, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 9:45, archived)

mega
computer room! fill it with loads of electronics :)

as for the names, im not so keen to be honest.
( tico, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 9:47, archived)

I dont like real names for pets
shed is too small for a computer room, it used to be an outside crapper, thats gives you an indication of size.

I'm thinking shed + shelves + demijons = small brewery
(Bingo, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 9:48, archived)

yeah
the brewery is the second best option when limited by size.
( tico, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 9:49, archived)

sheds are a bit tricky for breweries
the temperature tends to go up and down too much
I'd suggest you move your bed into the shed and brew the beer in your ex-bedroom
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 9:51, archived)

I'd be brewing mead
I dont think temperature matters as much with that, plus i like sleeping indoors
(Bingo, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 9:53, archived)

May I suggest
that one of the spare sheds should be used for smoking kippers in.
( Gnoll, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 9:49, archived)

Bumpork
and Clitmangle

And use the shed to breed rats to feed to the cats.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 9:53, archived)

Good names
I already have a pet female rat, and a male hamster. I wonder if that would produce hats, or ramsters?
(Bingo, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 9:54, archived)

a bit anthropomorphic, but
shouldn't you choose/meet them first?

i'm also a big fan of calling cats "cat" and "cat". to avoid confusion, you can sometimes call them "the grey one" and "the black one".
( robtoo is all out of gum, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 10:07, archived)

confusion is good
they should be called "Rex" and "Shep"

I know an alsation called "Pussy"
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 10:13, archived)

"A" & "B"

( Bad Horsey Bring back Dr. Ubes Rub!, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 10:14, archived)

HAPPY BUMRAPE FRIDAY!

*Bumrapes*
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 9:03, archived)

A little help?
This year I have remembered the anniversary of the date my beloved and I first exchanged bodily fluids. Any recommendations on a cheap yet interesting present?
( Kolonel, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 9:02, archived)

arf
*thinks

tricky one,

edit: it's gonna have to be from ann summers
( kingkong., Fri 10 Sep 2004, 9:03, archived)

Haha!
I'll get one of those elephant thongs.
( Kolonel, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 9:10, archived)

Give her a
Pearl Necklace
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 9:05, archived)

Her?
I'm not convinced by your choice of gender. And pearl necklaces are expensive.
( Kolonel, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 9:09, archived)

Ummm
Errr...

*Runs off*
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 9:12, archived)

Pfft!

( Hankster, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 9:26, archived)

Does any one know which b3tan
has the link to the 9/11 Conspiracy site in their profile?
( Hankster, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 8:49, archived)

Nope.
But I know where you can buy some fine cheeses.
( Kolonel, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 8:51, archived)

That'll do
I like cheese
( Hankster, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 8:51, archived)

*steps in
*yoink

*scarpers - haharrrrr revenge!
( kingkong., Fri 10 Sep 2004, 8:53, archived)

wasn't it bo bo/betty bibsters?
I recall s/he/it got a bit emotional a while ago when somebody suggested dubya probably hadn't been flying one of the hijacked planes himself
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 8:59, archived)

That's the one
(A her I think)
www.septembereleventh.org/

Ta
( Hankster, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 9:08, archived)

blimey
not often that I'm "useful" on a friday

I think I'd better go home before I accidentally achieve something.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 9:11, archived)

some advice please
I'm going to set up a website, but the best domain i can get is kingkongdesign which is shit.
I've been thinking about changing my name on here for a while, i have been using the name 'doctorspang' for my gmail, and i could get the domain for that, or i could get the domain for 'phunkymunkie' which i used to use.

what do you rekon? change name or settle with kingkongdesign
( kingkong., Fri 10 Sep 2004, 8:31, archived)

I wouldnt go with phunkiemunkie.
About 5 years ago when I wanted a domain name, I considered an almost identical name but now I realise that it sounds unbelievably shit and I'm glad I didnt. Kingkongdesign doesnt sound too bad to me.

'ning all.
( Nimble Colin camera-wrangling, globe-trotting whisky enthusiast, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 8:42, archived)

yeah it does sound pretty stupid
yeah i think thats what i'm gonna do
cheers :)

edit: and 'ning
( kingkong., Fri 10 Sep 2004, 8:45, archived)

No problem.
Coming up after these advertisements:
World peace
Famine
Money stuck down the sofa
AIDS
That itch you cant quite reach
( Nimble Colin camera-wrangling, globe-trotting whisky enthusiast, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 8:50, archived)

hmm
nice!
( kingkong., Fri 10 Sep 2004, 8:58, archived)

It is my birthday tomorrow. That is all.
[May not reply due to the preparation of and imminent departure to sixth form].
( CaroWallis, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 7:31, archived)

yay!
it's my birthday in four months and five days...
( Sexy Picard 2000, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 7:37, archived)

congratulisations

:)
( kingkong., Fri 10 Sep 2004, 8:28, archived)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY
You and your talking food!
( Bad Horsey Bring back Dr. Ubes Rub!, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 9:47, archived)

Arrrgh....
Just went to bathroom, to discover that either my housemate or his missus had left a small floating jobby to welcome me. That would not be so bad in itself, it was the three whole, undigested peas that were orbiting it, that were the most disconcerting. 100% true.


[edit] - just been looking at this weeks question. You lot really are sick puppies aren't you?
( bennyhillslovechild, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 2:32, archived)

Could you....
.... bag that and courier it to me STAT....

Edit : Where did my thread go...? What year is it...? Who's president...?
( Lord_Floaty Hooting gladly., Fri 10 Sep 2004, 2:36, archived)

I for one, am not goinhg anywhere near it.
No way. I just went out to the back garden for a pee. My housemates have this really annoying habiit of not flushing the toilet after midnight. It's wrong. I'd rather be woken up but a flush than have to face down a shit during the early hours.
( bennyhillslovechild, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 2:42, archived)

That's fucked up.....
... I live alone.. and just flushed the toilet in your honour.... I will go and do so again soon....
( Lord_Floaty Hooting gladly., Fri 10 Sep 2004, 2:50, archived)

Clearly an 'upper decker' is in order.
What's an 'upper decker', you ask?

Well, an 'upper decker' is when you pinch off a nice loaf, fish it out of the bowl, and deposit it ceremoniously in the reserve.

Hilarity ensues when people try to figure out what sort of gymnastic flushing maneuver must have been required to allow this sort of thing to happen.
( Syncubus Yarr! Ye'll be walking Planck's Constant! [GMT-5], Fri 10 Sep 2004, 4:14, archived)

Eh?

( Hankster, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 8:25, archived)

Capybara:
Better with buttons or without?
( Comma, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 1:31, archived)

ya wha?

( asparagus time Is in Brazil., Fri 10 Sep 2004, 1:51, archived)

Capybara.
Big brown furry rodents.
Would they be better if they had buttons or are they alright as they are?
( Comma, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 2:03, archived)

Lovely as they are
Like marmots and baby tapirs
they need no improvement
( Giant bunny jumping out like a large happy tourettes rabbit, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 2:08, archived)

nah,
everything would be better with buttons, like gingerbread men, without buttons they are nothing.
( asparagus time Is in Brazil., Fri 10 Sep 2004, 2:22, archived)

would you be?

( Giant bunny jumping out like a large happy tourettes rabbit, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 2:38, archived)

of course
makes surgery a whole lot easier, no messy scars.
( asparagus time Is in Brazil., Fri 10 Sep 2004, 2:55, archived)

A request, of sorts.
Does anyone here know any clever, reasonable people who maybe take a slightly right of center political viewpoint? To cut a long story short and cut the spamming to a minimum, I'm involved in preparing a new independant commentary site with the onus on free editorial and balance. However, I've realised I simply don't know any conservative people.

If anyone is interested, or knows anyone who is, could they please get in touch?

I await your incredulous and comical responses with keen anticipation.
( supermoore: HUNG, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 0:34, archived)

All the people I know are
booze sodden liberal students

Sorry
( Giant bunny jumping out like a large happy tourettes rabbit, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 0:36, archived)

And all the people I know
are booze-sodden liberal ex-students.

What a predicament...
( supermoore: HUNG, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 0:41, archived)

i was about to give you a worthwile answer
then i realised that i dont know any conservative-type-people either.. ho hum
( toxie, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 0:39, archived)

It's bizarre.
I know hundreds of people from all walks of life, but not a single person that fits this catagory.

YET THEY RUN THE FUCKING WORLD!
( supermoore: HUNG, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 0:45, archived)

i find that
people who could be said to be conservative arent into anything that i like... from bouncing around large rooms to lovely loud ebm, to doodling cartoons....
( toxie, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 0:49, archived)

are we talking Daily Mail readers?

( Kamikaze Stoat £4.09, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 0:39, archived)

"clever, reasonable people"
so no. No we're not.
( supermoore: HUNG, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 0:40, archived)

ah yes.
my mistake.
( Kamikaze Stoat £4.09, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 0:41, archived)

just find
someone reasonably old, and you should be okay.

My driving instructor was quite right-wing and quite reasoned even if he was wrong.
( asparagus time Is in Brazil., Fri 10 Sep 2004, 1:10, archived)

i can shift my views to suit
what do you want my opinion on ?
( connor, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 1:22, archived)

Anything you like.
Over 2-3k words, and lucid. E-mail in profile.
( supermoore: HUNG, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 1:33, archived)

*points at supermoore*
*enacts unspecified action*
( Lord_Floaty Hooting gladly., Fri 10 Sep 2004, 2:19, archived)

I just got back from seeing They Might Be Giants
and it was great.

there were also lots of hidden b3tans, sorta scary
( Funtastic Pony Magic, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 23:51, archived)

hidden
b3tans?

how do you spot a b3tan?
( asparagus time Is in Brazil., Thu 9 Sep 2004, 23:53, archived)

between acts
they had this huge screen where you could text messages to, and there were all sorts of b3tan references, and someone actually wrote "lots of b3tans here, eh?"

and it wasn't any of the b3tans that I was with, so there must have been others...
*dun dun duuuuun*
( Funtastic Pony Magic, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 23:54, archived)

How lovely
I was wearing my b3ta shirt for my first day of college today and no-one commented. I felt most let down.
Tomorrow I shall be wearing my Cynical Oswald shirt.
( Malchick, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 23:56, archived)

I don't remember who now
but I seem to remember a few people mentioning the gig in the last week or so
( barnesy, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 0:07, archived)

I think Feckless_dick was there.
possibly others.
( supermoore: HUNG, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 0:30, archived)

Windy G was one

(Monkey Faced Muppet, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 0:13, archived)

TMBG
It was bloody ace, wasn't it? Did you see the stupid board post I put up earlier:

www.b3ta.com/board/archive/17695/

That Corn Mo was a bit mad, but it felt lovely to see so many b3tan posts on the wall.
(tommy_hatstand, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 2:59, archived)

iSketch anyone?
Carowallis is just setting one up. It's "b3ta talkers"

There's already a b3ta room, but neither of us recognise anyone in there...
(Fido Dido, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 23:48, archived)

scary
i'm currently flashing (making my second ever animation). I might join you later.
( asparagus time Is in Brazil., Thu 9 Sep 2004, 23:51, archived)

Fair do's. See you in there later, mayhaps

(Fido Dido, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 23:52, archived)

ok. just a quickie.
( sex and dougs and rock n roll, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 23:51, archived)

caro always wins
baaaaaaah humbug nnnnnnnnnnnnn





she just did again nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
( Ibstock, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 0:03, archived)

A hollow victory though
There's no point if you just write stuff all the time.

edit - why write stuff for the word 'rum'? That's the best chance to draw pirates I've ever seen!
( barnesy, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 0:05, archived)

thanks for the backup
no knockin caro tho
( Ibstock, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 0:08, archived)

It's only a game
Be fluffy :)
(Fido Dido, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 0:11, archived)

Yes it's only a game.
So why cheat?

/devil's advocate
( barnesy, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 0:14, archived)

Oo-err.
www.neoseeker.com/forums/index.php?fn=view_thread&t=434752
( Noit happy baby orangutan, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 23:20, archived)

I'm too lazy to try it out
But I don't believe it
(Fido Dido, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 23:24, archived)

What a bunch of 'tards.

(Marwood, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 23:25, archived)

but have you tried sending two clean emails at the same time and seeing which arrives first.

what with the amount of data that email servers have to cope with, it's not surprising that two emails sent both at the same time end up being processed minutes apart.

edit: additionally, the way some servers work is that they'll process mail in batches every couple of minutes, so if one email gets in one batch and the next in another, then there's going to quie obviously be delays incurred.
also, the more servers that the mail has to be processed by, the longer the delays get.

/silliness
/anti-conspiracy
( sex and dougs and rock n roll, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 23:29, archived)

That's what I was going to say
But that would've required me to engage my brain...
(Fido Dido, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 23:30, archived)

Deary me.
Not saying I don't love the new QOTW, but it isn't half plunging new depths of lowness. I expected it to reach








-here
but it's already

































-here
and still dropping.
( Noit happy baby orangutan, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 23:03, archived)

I think it is reaching depths of lowness...
... b3ta has never experienced before.
I am not sure if I like this QOTW.
( CaroWallis, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 23:10, archived)

The jokes make baby Jesus cry...


I just read half of the latest page... I don't think I'm going to be reading the best page in the newsletter... :/
(Fido Dido, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 23:15, archived)

Most of the jokes are alright
if a little sickly. But the repetition's getting a bit much. I was the first to tell the joke I posted, and it's not been posted at least once more.
( Noit happy baby orangutan, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 23:17, archived)

I waited and waited for pictures to load in those spaces.
Now I feel stupid.
( Comma, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 23:14, archived)

You win the "fucktard of the evening" award
congratulations!
( Noit happy baby orangutan, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 23:16, archived)

Pfft!

( Lanc Weekend Trailer Park Supervisor, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 23:17, archived)

Why are people confusing SICK with RACIST (and shite)?
It happens with the image challenge every week - people just don't seem to read the criteria and post whatever they think fits.

hmph.
( Zak McFlimby Twibbling @McFlimby, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 23:27, archived)

Racism could easily be considered 'sick'.

( Comma, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 23:30, archived)

well yes, but not vice-versa.
( sex and dougs and rock n roll, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 23:35, archived)

Well, no.
Trees are green, but green isn't trees.
A racist joke is a sick joke, therefore it fits the competition.
( Comma, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 23:37, archived)

ok.
i guess people are just twunts for thinking that sick should imlpy racist (in this context).
( sex and dougs and rock n roll, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 23:40, archived)

I really don't think that is what was intended.

( Zak McFlimby Twibbling @McFlimby, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 23:36, archived)

Guess who is dropping by?
Yes, 'tis me!
I haven't been away, I have merely been at Sixth Form.
And it is taking up all of my time, damnit!
However, it's my birthday [18th] on Saturday, so yay!
No more news really. :)
( CaroWallis, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 22:28, archived)

Hurrah!!
For legalised drinking!!!!

and on that lovely note, I shall bid you all a very good night.

'night :)
( Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 22:29, archived)

Goodnight!

( CaroWallis, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 22:30, archived)

hello
young lady. long time no speak!
( tico, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 22:30, archived)

We spoke the other evening if I recall...
... but I am usually scurrying off somewhere.
Any ideas for new TFs?
( CaroWallis, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 22:32, archived)

ah, sixth form...
those were the days...


or not, as the case may be
( GatheredCrustacean, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 22:33, archived)

These are the days I will look back on and think 'Thank God they are over'.

( CaroWallis, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 22:33, archived)

quite possibly
or you might just not look back at all...
( GatheredCrustacean, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 22:36, archived)

Good point!

( CaroWallis, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 22:37, archived)

hello!
what's sixth form?
( but the hedgehog can never be buggered at all foreskin of the apocalypse, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 22:36, archived)

Years 12 and 13.
I am in the latter.
( CaroWallis, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 22:37, archived)

ah
/doesn't understand english names for a lot of stuff

like pudding
( but the hedgehog can never be buggered at all foreskin of the apocalypse, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 22:38, archived)

you don't understand pudding?

( GatheredCrustacean, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 22:41, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/26600
( but the hedgehog can never be buggered at all foreskin of the apocalypse, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 22:45, archived)

lift = elevator
boot = trunk
trousers = pants
arse = fanny

I know that much.
( CaroWallis, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 22:42, archived)

but I'm not american either
pudding appears to be a lot of things that are more or less cylindrical and edible (or desserts).
( but the hedgehog can never be buggered at all foreskin of the apocalypse, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 22:44, archived)

My tattered copy of the Consise Oxford English Dictionary says:
Pudding n. 1. Soft or faily firm food consisting of ingredients mixed with or eclosed in flour or other farinaceous or cereal substance and cooked by boiling, steaming or baking, (HASTY, MILK, PLUM, YORKSHIRE, pudding); sweet (course of meal); the PROOF of the pudding.
2.Intestine of pig, etc. stuffed with oatmeal, blood, etc., (BLACK pudding). 3. Person or thing with pudding-like appearance etc. 4. (Naut.; also puddening). Pad, tow, binding, to prevent chafing etc. 5. ~-cloth, (in which some puddings are tied up for boiling); in the ~club, (sl.) pregnant; ~ face, large fat face; ~-head, stupid person; ~-stone, conglomerate rock of rounded pebbles in siliceous matrix.
( Comma, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 23:11, archived)

faily firm
?

etc
( Deebster, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 3:09, archived)

you forgot pavement = sidewalk

( GatheredCrustacean, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 22:45, archived)

hello
enjoying driving? ...You big car-driving-clever-cloggs-type?
;)
( Zak McFlimby Twibbling @McFlimby, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 23:29, archived)