more radio stufftell us a joke says rob. no swearing rudies though.
(
weebl Mashed farts,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:31,
archived)
How do you get a gay man to fuck a woman?Shit in her cunt!
/mike
(/mike
Baz Fuck off,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:32,
archived)
Oh, okay.How does an elephant ask for a bun?
Can I have a bun please! (wave arm about in front of face in imitation of a trunk for maximum comic effect)
(Can I have a bun please! (wave arm about in front of face in imitation of a trunk for maximum comic effect)
Baz Fuck off,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:32,
archived)
you: how many vietnam vets does it take to change a lightbulbthem: i dont know
you: see, YOU WOULDN'T KNOW because YOU WEREN'T THERE
(you: see, YOU WOULDN'T KNOW because YOU WEREN'T THERE
tef,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:34,
archived)
I took my dog into a puband told the barman that my dog was a blacksmith. He didn't believe me so I set fire to the dog's balls and it made a bolt for the door..
(,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:45,
archived)
Top 10 Reasons Computers Must Be Straight Males.10. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
9. A better model is always just around the corner.
8. They look nice and shiny until you bring them home.
7. It is always necessary to have a backup.
6. They'll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.
5. The best part of having one is the games you can play.
4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
3. The lights are on but nobody's home.
2. Big power surges knock them out for the night.
1. Size does matter.
(,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:33,
archived)
9. A better model is always just around the corner.
8. They look nice and shiny until you bring them home.
7. It is always necessary to have a backup.
6. They'll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.
5. The best part of having one is the games you can play.
4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
3. The lights are on but nobody's home.
2. Big power surges knock them out for the night.
1. Size does matter.
2 blondes walk into a baryou would've thought one of them would've seen it coming....
( popt_art,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:32,
archived)
Q: What is the difference between a dog?A: One of its legs are both the same
( brainstuff can eat a whole shredded wheat,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:32,
archived)
You'll love this.OK. Why did the chicken cross the road?
oh this is a real good one...
TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE!
isn't that brilliant?
(,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:32,
archived)
oh this is a real good one...
TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE!
isn't that brilliant?
That joke has made me lose even MORE IQ points.And I'M retarded.
(,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:34,
archived)
I thoughthe wanted to see a man lay a brick - or something...
/repost
(/repost
Manic can teach you the secret of fire,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:35,
archived)
ermwhats brown and sticky?
( Terry Oblong There's nobody here but us chickens on,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:33,
archived)
seven men die in a bombone of their graves gets trodden on
( Sunshine Elephant,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:33,
archived)
The only joke I can ever remember...What's red and stands in a corner?
A naughty strawberry.
(A naughty strawberry.
Just Juan Cornetto will take you to the lo-rider show n' flaunt ya on,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:33,
archived)
What's red and cries?A peeled baby in a bag of salt.
(
dirty barry,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:34,
archived)
What's red and sits in the corner?A baby chewing on't razor blade.
(,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:40,
archived)
What's green and sits in the corner?The same baby four months later
( butchbint,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:44,
archived)
OHH!!!!!Eww!!!! Freaking gross!
Oh yeah?
Whats grosser than gross?
(Oh yeah?
Whats grosser than gross?
Scoopzilla http://www.slapwatch.com now get to fuck,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:48,
archived)
Urgh!Please! My joke started out as the embodiment of innocence but seems to have spawned a series of evilnessesess.
( Just Juan Cornetto will take you to the lo-rider show n' flaunt ya on,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:49,
archived)
whats more gross then a pile of dead babies?a live one eating its way out.
(,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:50,
archived)
Oh yeah???What's black, white and red and moves around real fast making a "bzzzz" sound?
A: Two nuns in a chainsaw fight
(A: Two nuns in a chainsaw fight
Scoopzilla http://www.slapwatch.com now get to fuck,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:47,
archived)
Q. How do you catch a unique rabbit?A. Unique up on him.
Q. How do you catch a tame rabbit?
Q. tame again.. unique up on him.
(,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:34,
archived)
Q. How do you catch a tame rabbit?
Q. tame again.. unique up on him.
what's the difference between Clint Eastwood and Anal SexOne will make your day, the other will make your whole week!
(
OldWhit,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:34,
archived)
A termite walks into a barand asks "Is the bartender here?"
(
StickFigureNinja is worried he may be on the list,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:34,
archived)
::Applauds::
joefish It's hard for thee to kick against the pricks,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:35,
archived)
Three ducks walking across the Garvaghy Road...The first one turns round and says "Quack".
The second one turns round and says "Quack".
The third one says "Will ya shut the fook oop, Ah can't go any quacker!"
The only Irish joke I can remember...
(The second one turns round and says "Quack".
The third one says "Will ya shut the fook oop, Ah can't go any quacker!"
The only Irish joke I can remember...
joefish It's hard for thee to kick against the pricks,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:35,
archived)
hehehemy daughter has been telling that joke since she could talk :)
( popt_art,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:37,
archived)
Radio what?what are you talking about?
(
Thor_sonofodin has done things, terrible things on,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:35,
archived)
He's talking about the wireless.Rob's on it or something. Media whore.
( Baz Fuck off,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:37,
archived)
slut!is it on webcast?
( Thor_sonofodin has done things, terrible things on,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:45,
archived)
you drunkardi wish i was drunk.
Thor_sonofodin has done things, terrible things on,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:48,
archived)
i miss the days when we used to yell SLUT! at each otherwas very funny = )
( evil pixie,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:50,
archived)
why do elephants paint their feet yellow?so they can hide upside down in pots of custard
( evil pixie,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:35,
archived)
How do they hide in cherry trees?Paint their toenails red.
( butchbint,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:37,
archived)
No, they paint their balls redQ. What's the loudest noise in the jungle?
A. Monkeys eating cherries.
(A. Monkeys eating cherries.
anno domini hiatus,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:39,
archived)
No silly, it comes from theJim Davidson's book "1001 Crude and crap jokes for a mungledong"
( anno domini hiatus,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:43,
archived)
I think you'll find that 1001 was the first editionclosely followed by 1001 more jokes for kids.
5001 was some shoddy compilation of old classics.
(5001 was some shoddy compilation of old classics.
butchbint,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:49,
archived)
Yes.It's like buying albums made by musicians you like and then someone
waving a copy of 'Now That's What I Call Music' at you shouting, "Pleb!"
(waving a copy of 'Now That's What I Call Music' at you shouting, "Pleb!"
djol,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:57,
archived)
Why do elephants paint their toenails red?So they can hide in cherry trees.
( dirty barry,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:37,
archived)
A doctor reaches into his jacket pocket, takes out a thermometer and says:"Damn, some arsehole has my pen!"
( Manic can teach you the secret of fire,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:36,
archived)
One morning, there is a loud bang on a man's door,He opens the door to see a snail on the doorstep.
The snail says to him, "Hello."
The man, in disgust, picks it up and drop kicks it over his neighbour's fence.
A month later there is another loud bang at the door. He opens the door to find the snail on his doorstep.
The snail says to him, "What did you do that for?"
(,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:36,
archived)
The snail says to him, "Hello."
The man, in disgust, picks it up and drop kicks it over his neighbour's fence.
A month later there is another loud bang at the door. He opens the door to find the snail on his doorstep.
The snail says to him, "What did you do that for?"
A month, you see.That's how long the snail took to come back, you see.
( pxyzyzygy,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:38,
archived)
:D.
( Just Juan Cornetto will take you to the lo-rider show n' flaunt ya on,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:40,
archived)
jokiesI know a really long one, about a couple of prawns and a cod, but a better one is
A man walks into a bar - ouch
(,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:36,
archived)
A man walks into a bar - ouch
Man goes into a doctors.Doctor: Whats wrong?
Man: I have a lettuce leaf poking out my bum,.
Doctor: Have you? Blimey, I'd best have a look.
So the man drops his trousers and bends over and sure enough, there's a lettuce leaf peeping out from between his buttocks.
Doctor: Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.
Man: Whats wrong Doctor? Is it Bad?
Doctor: I'm afraid its just the tip of the iceberg.
(Man: I have a lettuce leaf poking out my bum,.
Doctor: Have you? Blimey, I'd best have a look.
So the man drops his trousers and bends over and sure enough, there's a lettuce leaf peeping out from between his buttocks.
Doctor: Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.
Man: Whats wrong Doctor? Is it Bad?
Doctor: I'm afraid its just the tip of the iceberg.
bovine I'm so old, even my old is old,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:37,
archived)
I hope so.Tell Rob to play The Hustle!
I hope that works.
(I hope that works.
bovine I'm so old, even my old is old,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:41,
archived)
yay!I saw vulga's hustle animation last night. As I'm not allowed into youreallcunts.. it's tip-top!
( butchbint,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:41,
archived)
PLAY THE HUSTLE!!need to get the entire of london doing the hustle
( Darkedge,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:56,
archived)
Doctor, I've got a strawberry stuck in my bum.Oh, I've got some cream for that.
( joefish It's hard for thee to kick against the pricks,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:46,
archived)
What's the difference between a pregnant girlfriend and a lightbulb?You can unscrew a lightbulb.
( pxyzyzygy,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:37,
archived)
Woman walked into a bar and asked for a double entendre.So the barman gave her one.
( pxyzyzygy,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:39,
archived)
My sister's favourite joke of all time.You could try "what's blue and no longers fits?"
Dead epileptic.
(,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:47,
archived)
Dead epileptic.
.why is bird *poo* black and white?
because they *trump* rainbows.
Why did Cher have a tattoo on her *bottom*?
So she knew where to put the motorbike / cannon.
(because they *trump* rainbows.
Why did Cher have a tattoo on her *bottom*?
So she knew where to put the motorbike / cannon.
monkeon schmonkeon,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:38,
archived)
what's the biggest drawback in the jungle?An elephants foreskin
( OldWhit,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:38,
archived)
Bloke walking down the road with a penguinPoliceman comes up and says 'where are you going with that penguin?'
Bloke 'we're going for a walk'
Copper 'you should take that penguin to the zoo'
Next week, same man walking down the street with same penguin. Copper comes up to him and says 'what are you doing with that penguin, I told you to take it to the zoo'
Bloke 'I did, he LOVED it, we're off to the museum now'
(Bloke 'we're going for a walk'
Copper 'you should take that penguin to the zoo'
Next week, same man walking down the street with same penguin. Copper comes up to him and says 'what are you doing with that penguin, I told you to take it to the zoo'
Bloke 'I did, he LOVED it, we're off to the museum now'
MizEmma,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:40,
archived)
Oooh blimeyjust spazzed back for something and saw that comment. Ta very much, one of my faves - and clean too!
( MizEmma,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 18:25,
archived)
Two liars, walking down the roadOne turns to the other and says "I climbed Mt Everest last night, all the way to the summit"
The other one says "I know, I saw you"
(The other one says "I know, I saw you"
bloid ....dloibbloiddloibbloid....,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:40,
archived)
How many b3tans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?188. 1 to link to a BBC news page about the bulb being out, another 23 to post it again and make it glasscock, someone to make a funny photoshop with the lightbulb, another 105 to jump on the bandwagon, one to make a website dedicated to the bulb, another to make a bad quality flash movie about it, 55 people to donate to the 'buy a lightbulb' cause, and one to actually change the thing.
(,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:41,
archived)
NoIt's because they have a low mass to surface area ratio and need to dissipate heat via the small capillaries that run through its ears which has a large surface area.
So there!
(So there!
OldWhit,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:47,
archived)
Shouldn't that beHigh mass to surface area ratio or
low surface area to mass ratio
(,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:50,
archived)
low surface area to mass ratio
Nope he was rightOverall, for the body it is good to have low surface area to mass ratio to conserve heat, but to loose heat, which is what the large ears (in the case of the Indian or African elephant trivia fans?) should have high surface area to mass ratio to loose heat.
Hurray for Oldwit
(,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:53,
archived)
Hurray for Oldwit
William Hague once discribed the Spice Girls asThree dogs and a black bird.
Or so I heard in a pub quiz.
(,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:49,
archived)
Or so I heard in a pub quiz.
What animal has 4 legs and a cunt on it's back?A police horse
( pxyzyzygy,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:53,
archived)
What sound does a Cow with no lips make?OO
EDIT
There are 4 potatoes on a kitchen side, Mummy potato and 3 baby potatoes. Mummy potato says to baby potato one;
"who do you want to marry when you get older?"
"I think I'll marry a King Edward!" replied baby potato one
"Good choice, most regal, probably loaded too" replied Mother potato. "Baby potato two, what about you?"
"I think I'll marry a Jersey Royal" said baby potato two
"Fabulous." said the mother, "Good pedigree, lovely home. Very loyal husbands. Baby potato three, who would you like to marry?"
"I think I'd like to marry Des Lynam" said baby potato three
"You can't do that!" shoutsa Mother potato; "He's only a common 'tater!"
(EDIT
There are 4 potatoes on a kitchen side, Mummy potato and 3 baby potatoes. Mummy potato says to baby potato one;
"who do you want to marry when you get older?"
"I think I'll marry a King Edward!" replied baby potato one
"Good choice, most regal, probably loaded too" replied Mother potato. "Baby potato two, what about you?"
"I think I'll marry a Jersey Royal" said baby potato two
"Fabulous." said the mother, "Good pedigree, lovely home. Very loyal husbands. Baby potato three, who would you like to marry?"
"I think I'd like to marry Des Lynam" said baby potato three
"You can't do that!" shoutsa Mother potato; "He's only a common 'tater!"
Samsonite,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:43,
archived)
Dislexics are funie full stop"A dislexic once walking into a bra."
Apparently.
(,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:44,
archived)
Apparently.
A man goes into a barand spots a beautiful blond. He sashays up to her and says "Hi, would you like to hear a joke?"
"Sure," she replies.
"Ok, There's this dumb blond..." he starts, but is interrupted.
"Before you carry on mister, I should warn you that I'm a black belt in karate, and my two friends over there," she says, pointing two two more blonds, "well, one of then is a black belt in ju jitsu and the other is a black belt in tai kwan do. Now, are you sure you want to tell this joke?"
The man ponders this for a seconds, before responding, "Yeah, you're right. I really can't be arsed to explain this joke three times."
("Sure," she replies.
"Ok, There's this dumb blond..." he starts, but is interrupted.
"Before you carry on mister, I should warn you that I'm a black belt in karate, and my two friends over there," she says, pointing two two more blonds, "well, one of then is a black belt in ju jitsu and the other is a black belt in tai kwan do. Now, are you sure you want to tell this joke?"
The man ponders this for a seconds, before responding, "Yeah, you're right. I really can't be arsed to explain this joke three times."
djol,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:44,
archived)
Why didthe blonde stare at the bottle of squash?It said 'concentrate' on the label.
( pxyzyzygy,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:54,
archived)
I always get this joke wrong, so here's it via the art of copy and paste young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain at a bar in a small town. He's going through his usual run of stupid blond jokes, when a big blond woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and says:
"I've heard just about enough of your denigrating blond jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does a person's physical attributes have to do with their worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in my community, of reaching my full potential as a person ... because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but women at large ... all in the name of humor."
Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the blond pipes up,
"You stay out of this. Mister, I'm talking to that little guy on your knee!"
("I've heard just about enough of your denigrating blond jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does a person's physical attributes have to do with their worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in my community, of reaching my full potential as a person ... because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but women at large ... all in the name of humor."
Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the blond pipes up,
"You stay out of this. Mister, I'm talking to that little guy on your knee!"
StickFigureNinja is worried he may be on the list,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:45,
archived)
Why did Cinderella get kicked out of Disneyland?They caught her sitting on Pinnochio's face screaming "Tell me the truth. Tell me a lie! Tell me the truth! Tell me a lie!"
(,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:46,
archived)
BOOOO!!!!!!And yet, funny...
( Scoopzilla http://www.slapwatch.com now get to fuck,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:51,
archived)
A pirate walks into a bar witha steering wheel down his trousersThe barman asks "why have you got a steering wheel down your trousers?"
The pirate replied "Arrrr it's driving me nuts!"
(The pirate replied "Arrrr it's driving me nuts!"
Darkedge,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:51,
archived)
what did the leper say to the prostitute?you can keep the tip.
(
dipdapdop,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:54,
archived)
I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip
outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
(outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
Ian Woosnam,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:55,
archived)
bar jokesSkeleton walks into a bar and says "I'll have a pint of Guiness and a mop please!"
Piece of string goes into a bar and asks for a pint. Barman says "Here, you're not a piece of string are you? We don't serve them in here you know." Replied the piece of string "I'm afraid not."
/boom boom
(Piece of string goes into a bar and asks for a pint. Barman says "Here, you're not a piece of string are you? We don't serve them in here you know." Replied the piece of string "I'm afraid not."
/boom boom
weevilstepmother,
Fri 1 Aug 2003, 16:55,
archived)