Morning
I had a really shit nights sleep. I blame a load of you because I had a dream about a big /OT party in a farmhouse somewhere. It left me disturbed and unable to sleep. More than usual anyway.

you cunts

edit for Kitty: Question: Who's the cat that won't cop out, When there's danger all about?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 8:59, 95 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

This should be popular
Yesterday I started my new job, on what I believed to be a (lucrative) 6-month fixed term contract. I found out at 11am that no FTCs are being continued past September 30th, which by my calculations is... um... less than 6 months, anyway.

Everything else about the job is great.

In what way have your places of work mercilessly shafted you over the years?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 8:41, 53 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm off to Cornwall for three or four days starting this Friday
For a technically-not-really-a-holiday. Specifically, to Newquay. Where are the good places to go in the evenings?

I'd like to be able to go to all the beaches, but I'll mostly be busy during the days.
( Hdjejjwsjdjjf LOOK, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 23:21, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTION/DESPERATION
Hello folks.

Any of you who reside in or around the nation's capital are cordially invited to swinging *cough* Dalston this coming Friday evening for a night of musical delights spanning the entire history of rock music, from its inception in the 1950s right through to the present day - that's right, 1978 - touching on rock'n'roll, 60s r'n'b/garage, psychedelia, 70s heavy rock and punk, selected from my cavernous vinyl vaults. I shall also throw in FREE some obscure funk numbers for those who like to dance.

I'm on at the newly-taken-over Brewery Tap, 525 Kingsland Rd between 11pm and 3am, entry is entirely free to this intimate *coughs up an entire lung* venue, pretty much opposite the new station, or a few stops up from style mecca *dies from emphysema* Shoreditch.

I should be both flattered and honoured should anyone have the inclination to attend.

MESSAGE ENDS.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 20:43, 41 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Describe your perfect life partner.
*boreds*
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 17:59, 78 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

What would you change about....
B3ta?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:22, 137 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

There's a light
What a crappy week, this one and the next. Students doing work placement in my office and I'm the supervisor; 6 this week and 6 next week.

I'm so busy I don't even have time to say hello to you lot.

However, not everything is bad:

www.huffingtonpost.com/tag/paul-the-octopus

If you were a mermaid, which animal would you have as a pet?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 15:47, 157 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Youtube me up, bitches.
I can stream Youtube on my phone now the wireless is up and I've never really played with the site, so show me why it's so awesome.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 14:13, 130 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Last night was not a good night to be an animal.
Poor Benji disappeared from my sisters house and we couldn't find him. Cue two hours wandering around Todmorden, where my sis was looking after him, and much wringing of hands. We took Biscuit with us looking for him and every time we shouted his name, Biscuit would look behind her as if he should be there : (

Anyway someone found him last night and handed him in to the vets he was registered with as he had been chipped. Hooray!

Then at 1am in the morning I went to pick my dad up from the airport and on the way back he ran over a cat who darted into the road. We couldn't stop and check as the cat ran away, probably to die of internal injuries : (

We could hear it bang about under the car as we drove over it.

Question - Who's seen pics of Rosie catface crackhouse? Isn't she a darling.
( girlinthehole, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 13:05, 29 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

If you could learn any skill, be it a language, sword swallowing, rodent brain surgery etc... what would it be
and why haven't you done it yet?

Alt Q: Is it admitting defeat to apply for a job at a place where you used to work in a different department because you just cannot face going back to work where you used to work because you hated the people there?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 12:05, 187 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

HAHAHA
Cheryl Cole has Malaria. Surely she should have been taking some nice drugs to prevent this?
(Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 12:03, 26 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Calling all witch doctors
I require your fail-safe methods for feeling awesome. I'm not hungover, I just feel a bit odd. I'm tempted to sneak out for some sort of bacon-related goodness.

What are your hangover/illness/general malaise cures?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:54, 128 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Serious Question
I have to write a nice card for my future wife full of lovely things to make her happy on the morning of the wedding and I need your help.

Since you don't know me or my future wife I feel all of you are ideally placed to come up with something that I should include in this card.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:48, 137 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Morning Bee-Hatches
I woke up with a runny nose and a hacking cough.

Who or what did you wake up with?
(Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 8:27, 180 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Evening thread
What do we all have to look forward to this evening?

It looks like I shall spend part of my evening extracting information from my housemates so I can work out whether I need to shout at our landlord or the agents about the fact that some strange Eastern European man appeared in our house this morning, apparently with a working set of keys to the place and muttering something about fixing a boiler we hadn't complained about.

I wasn't planning to drink this evening, but I think I might need one after all. Rant over, please tell me that you're all having a more relaxing start to the week than I am.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 5 Jul 2010, 17:16, 56 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Ok, who was it?
One of you disgusting b3tards mentioned a drink made of Guinness, full-fat coke and Sailor jerry rum.

Own up now it's all your fault.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 5 Jul 2010, 16:28, 13 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Oh man, I've totally fucked Beckyjizzbox too.
That Big Girl's Blouse?

Done him too.

And Batshitmentalist.

Done her as well.

Which /off-topicer have you fucked?
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 5 Jul 2010, 15:40, 101 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

FLAWLESS VICTORY
For camp Monkeysex

www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post777627

...and now I must bid you adieu, as work needs to be done, and the world isn't going to save itself.

Dadadadadada! *up, up and away*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 5 Jul 2010, 15:15, 65 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

What b3tans have been making this week
Captain V and I just had a baby. She arrived this morning, kicking and screaming. Her name is Rosie and she likes breasts.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 5 Jul 2010, 13:39, 75 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

If I only had one odd...
experience this last few weeks it would be too many. Friday night for the first time in yonks I stayed in to catch up on repeats of friends and to drink john smiths finest from the can. I was quite far from sober, but equally far from drunk - popping outside for a cigarette our brightly lit estate seemed rather dim, even with dusk. I was pottering about with the dust bins when in my left ear I heard the name steven being called then my shoulder forcibly grabbed. Now I have had odd things happen of the paranormal variety before but never before something like this, the grab was as you'd expect from a bloke you hadn't seen for a while in the pub. The voice was just strange.

Has anyone else had such happenings? Or have too many bitters broken my brain box?
(feedingtimeatthezoo day 1 of his bikini diet started, Mon 5 Jul 2010, 13:15, 37 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Dagenham Motors - Fucking shitcunts
This morning I took my van down to be looked at as it had conked out last week. I told the person on the phone what the issue was last friday, I told the guy again this morning when I booked it in and I had booked a "While you wait" appointment.

After 1.5 hours I asked what was going on only to be told they hadn't even looked at it yet and that actually, they didn't usually do while you wait appointments for engine problems.

I was, unsurprisingly, particularly pissed off.

Tell me when you have been let down by a company and what you did about it.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Jul 2010, 13:06, 169 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Summer job is killing me B3tans
Apart from this wonderful site, what else can I do to distract myself from my crappy summer job. I love being a student, I hate working in the summer!!!! especially in an office with 3 other people, 2 of which are the owners, and the other one is actually adrian mole but not as funny. Is it too much for 1 like minded person??

Work avoidance tips please my friends!!!
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 5 Jul 2010, 12:02, 71 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Hooray!
The BBC Trust has rejected the palns to close 6Music.

In a statement the Trust said;

“6Music is exactly what the BBC should be doing, rather than the generic shite served up on some other BBC channels. Only a complete fucktard would consider closing such a station.”
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Mon 5 Jul 2010, 11:51, 17 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I have a week off soon
and no money. What can I do that is free and fun?
At the moment I have
*Painting my nails
*Reading a book

Which is a sad and pathetic list *sadface activated*

Alt: How much cash do you think I'd get for killing Lab and selling his organs?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 5 Jul 2010, 11:00, 113 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Favourites
This weekend, a drunken discussion came up of who our favourite characters are in films, TV, etc.

For me -
Book: Discworld Death
Film: Hannibal Lecter (Anthony Hopkins)
TV: Seeley Booth (Bones) Or The Doctor
Games: Sephiroth (FF7)

So I put the question to you, who are your favourite characters in Films, TV, Books, or Games?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 5 Jul 2010, 10:12, 35 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Morning all
I had a nice, relaxing weekend of gaming, although I can't help but feel like I ought to have done something adventurous.

Did anyone get up to anything awesome?
Alt Q: If you won enough money to quit your current job, how would you go about resigning? Calm and professional, a blaze of f-bomb-droppin', double-deuce-wavin' glory, or somewhere in between?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 5 Jul 2010, 8:19, 54 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I have just had some rather sad news.
One of the oldies I drive for each Wednesday (long term volunteering) has died.
She has been away recieving medical assistance the last couple of weeks, to which she was responding well.
The day before she was due to be taken home she slipped and fell down a short flight of stairs on her way back from having a sneaky fag.
May, I only knew you for 9 months but the sensitivity and vigour you demonstrated have left a permanent mark upon my little black heart.
I know there will be a few tears this coming Wednesday.

Alt Q (slightly): Would it be appropriate to recite "Let me die a young man's death" by Roger McGough this Wednesday before lunch? (she was a definite atheist.)
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 4 Jul 2010, 18:07, 88 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Brilliant day so far.
I had a (wedding) dress fitting, then my hair/makeup trial, then went to a garden centre to look at flowers, my mother gave me some yummy beans and spinach from her garden to take home, and I've just drunk orange juice from a wine glass. I'm so smug right now.

Good weekends? Bad weekends? What are you doing this weekend?

Alternatively, what's the weirdest weekend break you've been on?
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Sat 3 Jul 2010, 19:17, 19 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

This ain't links I know
But I laughed my arse off at this.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=6VtDlsUIch8
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Sat 3 Jul 2010, 15:23, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Double bollocks!
My fridge died yesterday, and before I could clear it out, it leaked and is dripping into my neighbours kitchen below. I'm chucking away loads of lovelly meats, and pre-cooked food, and now have to buy a new one. Not what I planned for Today.

What have you planned that is likely to go wrong this weekend?

Or, tell me about your fridge, it's contents, or what you like about it.

Oh, good morning and that.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Sat 3 Jul 2010, 9:09, 33 replies, latest was 16 years ago)