Well going by your last couple of posts you have
Bollocks!
EDIT: They really know how to sell a DVD on teh telly! 'Come and see the funniest things you've ever seen on a cricket pitch'.
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 10:49,
archived)
EDIT: They really know how to sell a DVD on teh telly! 'Come and see the funniest things you've ever seen on a cricket pitch'.
Is it "a perfect gift for christmas"?
ie. a perfect 5 minutes before the shops shut on christmas eve gift for dad or your brother?
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 10:52,
archived)
The funniest thing I remember was one of the english batsmen
getting treatment from his teammate after he had his knackers mashed by dennis lillie. I wish I could find a youtube of it but I can't.
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 10:54,
archived)
I want the Michael MacIntyre/McIntyre DVD they're advertising.
He's bloody marvellous.
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 10:54,
archived)
Is that the one
where he goes undercover exposing football hooligans and muggers?
may have my McIntyre's confuses for a cheap gag
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 10:58,
archived)
may have my McIntyre's confuses for a cheap gag
If I knew about the second one, I'd be laughing.
As it stands, I don't and I'm not. :-(
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 11:00,
archived)
on our own
walking down the only road we've ever known
like a Hobo we were born to walk alone (Saints and Sinners version)
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 10:54,
archived)
like a Hobo we were born to walk alone (Saints and Sinners version)
I bought Whitesnake's greatest hits once
Fucking hell those were dark times...
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 10:56,
archived)
Hahahaha
Edit: moid died out last night then? I suppose it served its time.
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 10:35,
archived)
Bloody hell, was there a secret mailing of constructive pills to all b3tans that I don't know about?
The board's too quick today.
Nice robot thing.
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 10:22,
archived)
Nice robot thing.
Why did I read that as contriceptive and then have to reread it to make sure.
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 10:23,
archived)
Contraceptive pills are shit.
They make me fatter and mad. Proper bare-arsed ladycrazy.
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 10:25,
archived)
the male pill you put in your shoe!
it makes you limp
i'll get me coat! :D
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 10:26,
archived)
i'll get me coat! :D
These trousers are far too tight for a traditional knicker.
Well, at the top. They're like loons at the bottom.
I BOUGHT PROPER PLATFORM BOOTS ON SATURDAY. Vintage blue ones with gold stars. They're a size 9 though (drat) so I'm going to use them as book ends.
I also bought what I believe to be a first edition of Tennyson's Idylls of the King for £1.50. I'm good at charity shops.
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 10:32,
archived)
I BOUGHT PROPER PLATFORM BOOTS ON SATURDAY. Vintage blue ones with gold stars. They're a size 9 though (drat) so I'm going to use them as book ends.
I also bought what I believe to be a first edition of Tennyson's Idylls of the King for £1.50. I'm good at charity shops.
I love everyone from the bottom of it
and have used it to warm the hands of myself and a minor celebrity.
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 10:34,
archived)
First edition?! Major find!!!
Why do your trousers ends look like aquatic birds?
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 10:34,
archived)
YES THEY DO.
Of course they do. That's the more logical of the two definitions, given the subject matter :D
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 10:34,
archived)
I'm constantly suprised at how you manage to stay out of girls' pants with a smooth tongue like that.
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 10:33,
archived)
it probably has more to do with the fact that I can go to a party for three or four hours
and say a grand total of about 10 words to women I already knew.
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 10:36,
archived)
in that you get more words, yes.
otherwise, not really. I couldn't give an arse about tact when talking to someone I don't know. If the person doesn't like it they're going to get upset with me sooner or later, if they don't mind, they'll probably get along fairly well with me.
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 10:41,
archived)
And as you walk so weirdly no one will shag you and you don't have to worry about babies.
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 10:32,
archived)
Abba Gold, Frankenstein
and what's the other one?
EDIT: Oh, I see.
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 10:23,
archived)
EDIT: Oh, I see.
Hahaha
What the fuck is myrrh anyway?
(or frankinscence for that matter!)
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 10:24,
archived)
(or frankinscence for that matter!)
Myrrh is a valuable balm
Don't you know any Life of Brian? What's wrong with you?
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 10:33,
archived)
Sorry (edit see what I mean So was meant to be sorry):P
I haven't had more than a couple of hours sleep in the last four nights.
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 10:26,
archived)
*stabs them all in the head with buildings and tors*
Bastards. Doesn't help that the lead singer looks like a short haired version of some battle metal cunt I used to know.
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 10:19,
archived)
I'm wearing quite steampunk sailor trousers today
... what do you mean, 'not important'?
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 10:17,
archived)
Why is steampunk not just shortened to 'spunk'?
Would save us all time and money.
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 10:18,
archived)
If I'm suffering it's all I can do to bring you lot down to my level.
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 10:13,
archived)
God help me, would.
Ning all. I trust we're all playing nicely and have clean faces?
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 10:15,
archived)
I've been playing cleanly and have a nice face:D
I iz ill. In fact As soon as my cover arrives I'm off for my eighth sick day in a row.
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 10:19,
archived)
I had the flu, a chest infection and as a result of coughing I've had hardly any sleep.
I had about an hour last night. You have any idea how much night time TV that is?!:(
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 10:22,
archived)
You had have the energy.
You're just lying there wanting to be alseep.:(
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 10:25,
archived)
No, he's history's greatest monster.
Ok, perhaps not. I'm largely indifferent, I suppose. Having to sit through the turgid nonsense that is the X Factor on Saturday doesn't help his cause, though, I can tell you that much.
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 10:20,
archived)
I think he's alright
he's good at what he does and gets work based on his talent and charisma rather than his tits like most tv presenters
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 10:21,
archived)
i have absoluetly no bloody idea
and i must admit i'm rather happy to stay that way
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 10:07,
archived)
ickle bibby jesus
leading by example...
(away in a manger, no hdmi cable for teh console....)
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 9:57,
archived)
(away in a manger, no hdmi cable for teh console....)
Hallo Ghosty!
*takes off gloves*
Bend over big boy, here it comes...
:D
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 9:51,
archived)
Bend over big boy, here it comes...
:D
Hey shove some bread in the mixture and I'll squeeze it all onto a plate for ya.
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 9:53,
archived)
mmmm, tasty
/might not be having leftover curry for lunch after all
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 10:00,
archived)
meh
Looks the same I suppose. I thought leftover curry was like left over pizza you were meant to have it as breakfast?
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 10:02,
archived)
Ningles Moley!
Good weekend you lil', smasher you? :D
Simian McKellen approves (thanks to Barry Headwound for the name)
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 9:52,
archived)
Simian McKellen approves (thanks to Barry Headwound for the name)
Ninj!
Cracking weekend! We had snows, lots of them! Baby mole was in hysterics, he loved it.
How about you?
:D
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 9:56,
archived)
How about you?
:D
Ning :)
This picture is representative of a couple of families round my way :S
Still funny though :)
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 9:57,
archived)
Still funny though :)
hahahaha!
good day master mole, i trust you and yours are well.
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 10:02,
archived)
Queeny!
We're all super dooper, thanks. How about your tribe?
:D
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 10:07,
archived)
:D
just dandy
although rather lacking in members, it's more solo and nomadic than tribal.
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 10:10,
archived)
ning chap
my life just took another surreal twist. I have just received an image of someone's leg bearing a tattoo of my HappyToast logo
Hopefully the fella will post it up here
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 9:42,
archived)
Hopefully the fella will post it up here
Hahaha
How bizarre! Tell them it was done without your concent and you'd like it back.
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 9:43,
archived)
Or maybe you could just start posting stuff on him rather than on here:P
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 9:46,
archived)
Mornin' sir
I am extremely loving your Christmas card selection. Might actually send a few cards this year.
Great work.
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 9:56,
archived)
Great work.
Yes
I shall denifately send a few to myself and pretend I have friends!
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 9:57,
archived)
hehehehe
Did anyone else hear that thing ont he news about how kids are pre-disposed to believe in God?
Some wag emailled 5 Live to say that probably says a lot about adults who have strong faith. Pffft...
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 9:37,
archived)
Some wag emailled 5 Live to say that probably says a lot about adults who have strong faith. Pffft...
Nope - definitely not
Salaam Car Insurance
Want Cheap Car Insurance?
Want Quality Cover that doesn't compromise your faith?
I mean - WTF?
*edit* Oh, and Ningles.
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 9:43,
archived)
Want Cheap Car Insurance?
Want Quality Cover that doesn't compromise your faith?
I mean - WTF?
*edit* Oh, and Ningles.
erm that's not halal unless their cutting the insurance's throat
I can sorta see the point if you contemplate what banks and insurers invest in.
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 9:45,
archived)
I m So Confused
www.salaaminsurance.com/site/CarInsurance/Introduction/tabid/75/Default.aspx?gclid=CIio_anEjZcCFQfmlAodRiBy-g
What Kind of Car Insurance involves slaughtering animals?
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 9:47,
archived)
What Kind of Car Insurance involves slaughtering animals?
You ninny
It's called Salam Halal Insurance! His name is Salam Halal!
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 9:49,
archived)
I don't think so...
"unlike any other UK insurer, your insurance will be Halal."
Needs more exclamation mark if it's just a play on words.
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 10:04,
archived)
Needs more exclamation mark if it's just a play on words.
true
But the name is Definately Salaam Hallal as it says, 'Car insurance from Salaam Halal insurance...'
Could be car insurance with a kebab.
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 10:07,
archived)
Could be car insurance with a kebab.
Actually halal refers to the method of slaughter rather than the what it is.
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 9:47,
archived)
also means non- haram
so anything that isn't not allowed. borrowing money and gambling is haram, so car insurance that's halal probs doesn't involve some sort of loan
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 9:49,
archived)
halal means permissable
so I guess that most Car Insurance isn't permissable under Islamic Law
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 9:49,
archived)
I'm going to start my own relegion
One that doen't believe in paying tax or having to pay for biscuits.
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 9:52,
archived)
Very big round my way
I believe it refers to the way your car is scrapped after being written off
They suspend it from one of those magnet thingies and slit its oil and petrol cable and let it 'bleed' out naturally
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 9:53,
archived)
They suspend it from one of those magnet thingies and slit its oil and petrol cable and let it 'bleed' out naturally
god/father christmas
either way it fades strongly by the time you approach 10 years old. unless your parents are particularly belligerent
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 9:42,
archived)
The Big Bang.
The ultimate hero of low frequency.
The divine intergalactical bass drum connecting the tribes of our solar system.
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 9:42,
archived)
The ultimate hero of low frequency.
The divine intergalactical bass drum connecting the tribes of our solar system.
Hahaha. Someone put clean me on the back!
It's a dirty van and they put clean me! You see what they did there?!
Maybe you wanted to post that in links.
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 9:26,
archived)
Maybe you wanted to post that in links.
Oh FFS
don't kids know anything? They missed "Also available in white" and "I wish my wife was this dirty".
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 9:26,
archived)
Also, lol @ "Pimp me"
They should do a show about that. 'Pimp My Industrial Supplies Group Lorry' - awesome.
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 9:41,
archived)
To be fair
it is a lorry belonging to some sort of industrial cleaning company. I think that's where the irony lies. Or something.
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 10:22,
archived)
Hahahaha
Noooooes! THat lion is going to be eatieds by a Henry!
Woo and 'ningles.
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 9:14,
archived)
Woo and 'ningles.
this is lovely! :D
i has also made a wallpaper!
www.b3tards.com/u/602e76c62be4ba7bf490/snake_bg.jpg
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 9:22,
archived)
www.b3tards.com/u/602e76c62be4ba7bf490/snake_bg.jpg
Only at weekends.
Not really. I can't be arsed with any of that shit any more.
/bitter and single
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 9:26,
archived)
/bitter and single
it snowed here saturday
www.news.com.au/dailytelegraph/story/0,27574,24695457-5006009,00.html
where i am at the moment it melted as soon as it hit the ground though.
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 9:09,
archived)
where i am at the moment it melted as soon as it hit the ground though.
One minute you're walking along in a world of your own. Then BOOM
( , Mon 24 Nov 2008, 8:57, archived)
( , Mon 24 Nov 2008, 8:57, archived)
SUDDEN ONION!
I had an unexpected leek the other day.
'ningles teh Chutney.
EDIT: How rude of me. Woo!
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 8:58,
archived)
'ningles teh Chutney.
EDIT: How rude of me. Woo!
Once upon a time a man and a woman were very much in love so they did a special hug.
Which was ironic as he'd actually come to fix his refridgerator.
THE END
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 9:18,
archived)
THE END
Ningles!
*hears the kickstand of the boss' motorbike and runs to the kitchen to make a cuppa before he comes in and wants one too*
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 9:02,
archived)
I can't help but feel the impact of it's 'sudden' arrival,
is somewhat marred by the sign hanging from its stem announcing the nature of its being.
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 9:00,
archived)
M'afraid It's the Health & Saftey culture we live in these days....
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 9:01,
archived)
Onions, sudden or otherwise, can't fail to be great.
I love an onion, me.
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 9:07,
archived)
Someone's mother ate a lot of carrots during pregnancy
*goes back to sleep*
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 8:52,
archived)
NO SLEEPING WHILST ON THE INTERNET!
someone could get hurt man!
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 8:54,
archived)
C'mon, what could go wrong?
*nods off*
*head falls forwards and impales her on her desk tidy full of pens and rulers*
AAAAARRRRGGGGHHH!
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 8:55,
archived)
*head falls forwards and impales her on her desk tidy full of pens and rulers*
AAAAARRRRGGGGHHH!
'ningles.
I feel like shite. I'm going to have to take another sick day.
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 8:46,
archived)
Ning!
I can't hear out of my left ear but I've gone into work because my boss sits to my left so I figured it was a bonus.
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 8:50,
archived)
My boss visits me for about 5 minutes a week.
That's more of a bonus:P
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 8:57,
archived)
That better not be an IT helpdesk...
I come in early to get some work done so I can leave early.
Computer's running like a fucking bastard.
IT tell me "it's a monday morning thing" and I'll have to ride it out, should be fine by 9 o clock.
That's a great fucking help... thanks cunt
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 8:55,
archived)
Computer's running like a fucking bastard.
IT tell me "it's a monday morning thing" and I'll have to ride it out, should be fine by 9 o clock.
That's a great fucking help... thanks cunt
That's bollocks.
If anything, it's going to be worse at 9am when everyone starts using the network.
If it doesn't then you have some inverse kind of IT system which gets better and faster the more people use it and I'll take 50 of them for our customers.
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 8:55,
archived)
If it doesn't then you have some inverse kind of IT system which gets better and faster the more people use it and I'll take 50 of them for our customers.
I bet they run a system wide anti-virus scan on monday morning
If they told anyone the truth, they'd have loads of important people moaning about it. :)
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 8:58,
archived)
Same as..
..although i try to stagger the scans so it's not all at the same time
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 9:03,
archived)
What's wrong with scheduling an anit-virus at midnight over the weekend?!
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 9:03,
archived)
They do that on Friday afternoon
just when everyone starts panicing about stuff they HAVE to have done that afternoon.
What fun
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 9:24,
archived)
What fun
That's quite possible.
Especially if come of your systems are network drive. IT often set system scans to run on a Monday as Monday morning is the most unproductive part of the week.
Oh and they probably just hate you.
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 9:01,
archived)
Oh and they probably just hate you.
having known a lot of IT people over the years,
both competent and incompetent, they could either be fuckwits, or you have offended them. swearing at them is never helpful...
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 9:06,
archived)
I ran service desks for year.
There only two real types of people when you work in service desks. People you are indifferent about and those with nice tits.
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 9:08,
archived)
there are 10 types of people in the world...
those that understand trinary,
those that don't,
and those that mistake it for binary.
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 9:10,
archived)
those that don't,
and those that mistake it for binary.
Although Douglas Adams believed there were onlt 6 real people in the world
Which is why you always run into your neighbours when on holiday.
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 9:20,
archived)
I don't swear AT them
I swear ABOUT them after I've put the phone down.
I'm a pretty resourecful fella and only resort to IT when I have to.
Particularly since the day they told me my computer was slow because I had Photoshop and Indesign open at the same time. Yeah... because that's my job
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 9:32,
archived)
I'm a pretty resourecful fella and only resort to IT when I have to.
Particularly since the day they told me my computer was slow because I had Photoshop and Indesign open at the same time. Yeah... because that's my job
Early morning
so I thought I'd post something from a future project I'm working on.
( ,
Mon 24 Nov 2008, 7:02,
archived)
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