Thread o' SHAME.
Right, I have a feeling this one will be mostly for the ladiez and phsycoChomp, but let's see what happens.

Copy'n'Paste your last, or a few, panda-gaz's, leave out the names if you don't want to be mean, leave them in if you do.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 16:31, 148 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Look chaps, I really cannot be on here for the next 5 weeks.
Tell me how much you'll miss me.
Who you would miss less/more and why?
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Wed 14 Jul 2010, 14:41, 167 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Hello b3ta
This is the first time I've posted from work in yonks.

Does anything exciting happen here anymore? The most exciting thing that's happend to me today discovering that we've run out of lettuce.
( Captain V, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 13:14, 192 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Oh man
I've already eaten my lunch and I am stil starving. There is a board meeting today but apparently I'm not important enough to steal the food off it. I am a master of stealing food and rearranging it to look like nothing is missing. Now I am going to have to wait until they finish and I pick at the scaps like a pathetic office leper

Q: What are you having for lunch?
Alt Q: What have you stolen from work recently?
Ctrl+Alt+Q: Should Darth Foxtrot be banned from starting threads?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 12:43, 144 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm so bored at work that I'm morosely hitting F5 until Amberl's thread creeps over 300 entries
In the wake of our recent run Ms Foxtrot has decided she wants to run a marathon before she's 30, and found a training program online designed to help you run said distance within a year. So by the time I'm 33 (I'm 3 years older than her) I should be;

a) fit enough to pull the ears off a Gundark
b) dead
c) I don't know what a Gundark is and as such have no place posting on B3ta or indeed attempting to contribute to society post-1980
d) I really, really don't care (never say I don't think about you, Bert. Chompy. Al. Monty...)
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:43, 185 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Come on
when was the last time you were mean lately? I was a bit mean to someone on QOTW.

Alt Q: what would your party trick be?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:10, 343 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Hmmm, so I've posted a little
We know Bertwhatshisname hates me - is that 'cos I'm a noob or 'cos he can't "bumder" me? Anyway, fuck him. Here's my first post!

So, here's a witty and interesting post:

At work today, one of our managers (who reports to me) announced she was taking maternity leave - before she told me. This was met with snorts of laughter. She always goes on about her lack of sex life, and how she can never have children due to childhood issues with her....female organs.....when questioned upon her announcement, she proceeded to tell me that she was having surgery and would be out of action for a few days.
Protocol doesn't let me ask for specifics on surgery, but she does need a doctors notice that she'll be out of the office for more than a week. The doctor faxed me back with excriatinly details of said employee's upcoming pap smear......(routine test).....

Alt Q: What idiocy have you come across in the workplace?
(nolongernuts, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 9:23, 100 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

My mother is due back in a couple of weeks from an extended trip abroad.
This means I will no longer be responsible for my step-dad and grandad's welfare. Hooray!


I think I'm verging on cheerful.
( girlinthehole, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 9:02, 33 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I can't Facebook much for a little while
One of my grandads is sick. Lung cancer. I'm cool with this. He's smoked and drank since he was a little kid and he's led a charmed life until 84. He's done well and I've said my goodbyes.

Anyway, my cousins are doing that on the hour Facebook update thing, along with talk of angles and lots of hearts. It's too weird and public for me to cope with, but I'll have scorn heaped upon me if I don't join in the grief-fest.
I'm also pissed off that I found out the prognosis from Facebook before my dad had a chance to leave the hospital and call me.

I spent more time socialising with him and listening to his stories over the years than they could ever be arsed to do. But now that he's about to pop his clogs, he's a valuable commodity in the tragedy market.
I know people can grieve how they want, and believe me they will when he goes, with full-on week-long scouse wake/funeral gear.
I'm just not into it, so I'm staying low, that way I can't be accused of ignoring their very public festival of wallowing.

Scousers, eh, they don't half conform to stereotypes don't they? ;)
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 13 Jul 2010, 22:59, 109 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I really like submarines.
Which is pretty sad and no-one else gets it but I think they're ace.

What things do you like that nobody else gives a sh1t about?
( TheFinch is getting to grips with the complex plane on, Tue 13 Jul 2010, 20:56, 20 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Well, it's official - I have finally sold my soul.
After a good five or six years of service, my trusty Sony HD3 has given up the ghost and died. Farewell old friend.

Shouldn't be a problem, I thought to myself. I've got a really nice 60gB Creative, currently being used for video only, but I can stick all my music on there too. At last count, only a mere 4gB or so.

But no.

After only two days of holding out, I have succumbed to peer pressure and a lot of nagging from mr b3th and have (quite ungraciously, if I'm honest) accepted the offer of a second hand Ipod classic.

Currently, I am adding all my music collection to my spanking new iTunes account, whimpering softly inside.

Tell me my eternal soul doesn't belong to Steve Jobs.

Please?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 13 Jul 2010, 19:50, 25 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm bored, and you're all very quiet
And I know what's going to happen. As soon as I go home in 10-20min, you'll start talking and posting. And tomorrow morning I'll need 1h to get updated through all the new threads.

It's so unfair, isn't it? Why is it unfair? Why is work boring these days? Why isn't Mark here already so I can go home?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 13 Jul 2010, 17:55, 32 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

"I love you so much, I can't shit"

(fibonacci_cunt cunt, cunt, cuntcunt, cuntcuntcunt,..., Tue 13 Jul 2010, 17:05, 72 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Can we have some quotes please?
Youtube "Never trust a big butt and a smile" also, "People got a lot of nerve calling Tiny [Tameka "Tiny" Cottle, T.I.'s fiance] ugly when they look like death eating a soda cracker"--which made me laugh like a mong

tell me your favorite quotes or insults, please
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 13 Jul 2010, 16:35, 49 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

"America should try to be more like The Waltons and less like The Simpsons"
Older readers mey remember the above George Bush Snr quote.

How would you similarly improve society?

I'd like it to be

Less Marilyn Manson, more Marilyn Monroe
Less Frank Skinner, more Frank Sidebottom.
(Cave Duck, Tue 13 Jul 2010, 15:34, 281 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Yeah it's not links wha wa wa fuck off.
www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1294297/Girl-15-rejected-hairdressing-apprenticeship--short-cut-hair.html

Clearly mother knows best, about how to fuck over her daughter's career before its even started.

Alt Q: What's the most disgusting thing you've ever seen?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 13 Jul 2010, 14:08, 294 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

An excellent game

www.silvergames.com/game/dont-shit-your-pants/
(fibonacci_cunt cunt, cunt, cuntcunt, cuntcuntcunt,..., Tue 13 Jul 2010, 13:21, 24 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Siblings
Possibly the most complex and long lasting relationships we have are with our siblings. I have a brother who is three years older than me, and a sister who is a further four years older. We're not the sort of family who ring each other up at midnight on New Years Eve, Indeed we don't see each other a great deal other than birthdays and Christmas. My brother's self employed, hard working and hates any conflict. My sister is generally considred a caring person, though those of us a bit closer generally consider her to be more of a "keen to be seen as caring" person. She also tends to be controlling in a passive sort of way.

How do you get along with your siblings?
(Cave Duck, Tue 13 Jul 2010, 12:32, 207 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Is it always so bad?
At the beginning of Spring I started to get very itchy, very puffy eyes, and was told that, suddenly, I've got hayfever. I'm taking my pills to reduce the sypmtoms, but still, the itchyness in my eyes really makes me wish I was blind and could move around and walk without having to open them.

Spring is the only season when the rain gives us a bit of a break in Manchester, and now I can't even enjoy that.

Is it going to be always like this or will it improve with time?

Which permanent things would you change to temporary and viceversa?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 13 Jul 2010, 11:27, 112 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Quick one,
Would somebody ever so kindly enlighten as to what the following words mean? 'trolling', 'gaz', and '/talk'?

Sometimes it can be confusing on here.

alt q: how long does one stay a newbie?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 13 Jul 2010, 10:36, 222 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Twat-B-Gone
I occasionally get a silly idea in my head then figure out a way to make it happen. So here's another one.

Sometimes people get pestered in bars and clubs for their contact details. Frequently, the pest won't go away until you've given them your mobile number or email address. You could, of course, just give them a false number or a bollox e-mail address but now you can give them one of mine.

Send any message to [email protected] and my servers will send your pest a nice message. Just replace XXXX with the name of your own choosing....

But just hope that your pest doesn't have a e-mail capable phone....

Cheers

Edit: Service name provided by Colonel Dracula
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Tue 13 Jul 2010, 10:13, 20 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

When I was on the boat on Saturday
I was operating a swing bridge with my friend, which involved putting barriers across the road to stop the cars. Once the boat had gone through and I'd swung the bridge back, I swung the road barriers back to the sides, being really careful not to touch the foremost car because he'd edged forward as close as he could. When I'd got them back into place, I smiled at the driver and waved him through, thanking him for waiting. His response was to roll down his window and supersoak me. He then crossed the bridge and got my friend as well.

I know this is supposed to be funny but it really pissed me off and it's now Tuesday and I'm still bitter about it.

What are you still bitter about that you should have got over ages ago? Extra points for extreme pettiness.

If nothing bad ever happens to you, tell me about breakfast.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 13 Jul 2010, 8:44, 190 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Last night I was in bed by 11 owing to being knackered
Ms Foxtrot joined me even though I told her - when I found her hula-hooping in the front room - she didn't need to come if she wasn't tired. She then spent the best part of an hour talking about utterly inane stuff, none of which required a response or input above the occasional tired grunt, and even after saying, on several occasions, "Sorry, I'll be quiet now" she just

WOULD
NOT
SHUT
UP

Has anyone got any practical advice for how to quieten a bleating woman, so that I may be assured of more than 6 hours' sleep tonight? Please note; "she doesn't need to breathe through her mouth, duct tape is your friend" may technically be practical but would be astonishingly difficult to implement
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 13 Jul 2010, 8:43, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Mister big stuff, who do you think you are?
Mister big stuff, ya'neva gonna get my love.

Oh man, I love a bit of funk, this'll be my theme tune, what's your theme tune?

What's for dinner?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 18:17, 82 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Quotes from films you like..... GO !
//edit//
spendingchallenge.hm-treasury.gov.uk/how-can-we-rethink-public-services-to-deliver-more-for-less/make-everything-free-for-me-1/idea-view
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 16:00, 95 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I've just discovered that there are two or more other b3tans living in Exeter
and one of them is a DJ on a local radio station. Fancy that!

Anything surprising happened since someone last asked?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 15:17, 123 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Heavy Rain
An absolutely awesome game! It's like having control over a film and I was totally engrossed by it

What games have you played recently (or in the past) that you just couldn't put down and then wanted to play all over again once you'd finished?
(wehttamman via B3ta for microwave, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:53, 56 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Enough of Bert's thread.
I re-read one of the Adrian Mole books over the weekend, and there is a section discussing Pandora's canoeing ability. The instructor "raved on about Pandora's powerful shoulders, limp wrists and gripping thighs" (direct quote). I was instantly reminded of our own limp wristed, thigh-gripping Crow.

What thing has recently reminded you of another b3tan?

AltQ: Where's the oddest thing you've ever put your fingers? My aunt had a hypo and I had to massage sugar gel onto her gums, while trying to avoid being kicked in the face. It was terrifying. Answers of "my minge" will not be tolerated.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:22, 81 replies, latest was 16 years ago)