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What's brown and hides in the attic?
The diarrhoea of Anne Frank.
(I helped save b3ta! Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:27, archived)
Raus!

(I helped save b3ta! Fenris temporary Lazarus, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:28, archived)
Es ist deutscher Tag!
Deutscher Tag!
Sprechen Sie auf Deutsch,
seien Sie nicht homosexuell!
Es ist deutscher Tag!
Ein reizender Tag!
Ich übersetze dieses Gedicht
die altavista Weise.
(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:29, archived)

*gebummen*
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:31, archived)
*gessnortten*

(I helped save b3ta! Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:31, archived)
Haha :D
I like it
(I helped save b3ta! Fenris temporary Lazarus, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:31, archived)
*claps*

*chlamydias*
(I helped save b3ta! Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:33, archived)
das gibt mir das fucking Horn

(I helped save b3ta! Shoosh up your lips Not state-funded, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:35, archived)
Deutschermontag
über alles,
Über alles in der Welt,
Wenn es stets zu B3ta und Trutze
Brüderlich zusammenhält.

You are the official b3ta/talk German bard.
(I helped save b3ta! Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:35, archived)
das ist viel sinnvoll nicht durch die Fische

(I helped save b3ta! Shoosh up your lips Not state-funded, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:37, archived)
Blame the Germans
it's their anthem.
(I helped save b3ta! Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:40, archived)
The Germans
in fairness have one of the best national anthems I've heard.

The French's would be ok if it wasn't a) in French, and b) so palpably untrue
(I helped save b3ta! Fenris temporary Lazarus, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:42, archived)
Drei Beifall für Deustschertag!

(I helped save b3ta! bloobloo, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:36, archived)
hehehe
huzzah for Germania!
(I helped save b3ta! viperrr mostly comes out at night, mostly, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:34, archived)
Why is everyone German this morning
Did you all get fucked up the arse by burly men wearing lederhosen ?

Edit : All this Germania and no one's mentioned Der Juden yet....
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:16, archived)
It's just down the page
you lazy pig-dog!

www.b3ta.com/talk/631012
(I helped save b3ta! Fenris temporary Lazarus, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:18, archived)
Ah well
In for a penny.....
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:22, archived)
Good lad.

(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:23, archived)
Right
one of you fuckers hide in the attic and we can play Anne Frank.
(I helped save b3ta! Fenris temporary Lazarus, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:25, archived)
*Plays with Anne Frank*

(I helped save b3ta! The Teviot Moose major 5th., Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:26, archived)
*shoots you for collaborating with Jews*

(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:27, archived)
Or hide in the oven
and we can play the Concentration game
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:26, archived)
Hahaha :)

(I helped save b3ta! Fenris temporary Lazarus, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:26, archived)
Pffft!
Freches Woat!
(I helped save b3ta! Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:32, archived)
I think someone got stabbed by a German Count.

(I helped save b3ta! Shoosh up your lips Not state-funded, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:18, archived)
hey!
i havent done a thing!
(I helped save b3ta! Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:19, archived)
'ning cuntface.

(I helped save b3ta! Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:21, archived)
shurly
"countface"
(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:22, archived)
Der Juden!

(I helped save b3ta! Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:26, archived)
pfft
those fecking counts get everywhere
(I helped save b3ta! Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:20, archived)
Like you have to ask

(I helped save b3ta! Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:18, archived)
You vill be next against der vall!
Vhat is your name?

Don't tell him, Pike!
(I helped save b3ta! Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:18, archived)

vhat is your quest?
(I helped save b3ta! Shoosh up your lips Not state-funded, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:23, archived)

what is your favorite colour?
(I helped save b3ta! Fenris temporary Lazarus, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:26, archived)
Blue.
No, black.

AAAAAiiiieeeeeeeeeeee
(I helped save b3ta! Shoosh up your lips Not state-funded, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:30, archived)
Today is Be A Fucking German Day.

Or Fuck A German Being Day.

Don't care which, really...
(I helped save b3ta! Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:21, archived)
Morning you ghastly fudge nudgers.
Form an orderly queue, and I shall administer a damned good Bennying to you, starting with the driest first.
(I helped save b3ta! Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:14, archived)
I need something to take my mind off the hangover.

(I helped save b3ta! Shoosh up your lips Not state-funded, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:15, archived)
*offers bottle of scotch*

(I helped save b3ta! Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:16, archived)
Velcum back

(I helped save b3ta! The Teviot Moose major 5th., Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:17, archived)
I go away for a week,
and we get invaded by the germans.

I for one welcome our new Teutonic webmasters, and look forward to an efficeintly run talk board.
(I helped save b3ta! Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:19, archived)
The trains are already running on time
but we're having a little trouble with the tube.
(I helped save b3ta! Fenris temporary Lazarus, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:21, archived)
That's a euphemism, isn't it..?

(I helped save b3ta! Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:22, archived)
Yep
I'm constipated beyond belief
(I helped save b3ta! Fenris temporary Lazarus, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:24, archived)
Speak for yourself

(I helped save b3ta! Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:23, archived)
*hooks ankles behind ears*

(I helped save b3ta! Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:17, archived)
*invades like Poland*

(I helped save b3ta! Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:20, archived)
Ouch
right up the Kracow.
(I helped save b3ta! Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:21, archived)
Pffft.
*in a teutonic way*
(I helped save b3ta! The Teviot Moose major 5th., Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:24, archived)
After a period of intensive research
I can confirm that masturbation does not cure a hangover.

Mo''ng to you all, lovely spackers.
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:14, archived)
It works fine
as long as you have a shit at the same time.
(I helped save b3ta! Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:16, archived)
Sie sind ein Erbrechenfleck.
Entfernen Sie sich bitte von der Hose dieses Kitten.
(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:16, archived)
Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
I'm in the library! Also, it is house moving day. I am very excited. How are we all?
(I helped save b3ta! Jobe, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:13, archived)


*Blows off very loudly*
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:14, archived)
SILENCE!
Infidel!
(I helped save b3ta! Jobe, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:15, archived)
I'M IN THE LIBRARY
NAH, IT'S RUBBISH!
(I helped save b3ta! Fenris temporary Lazarus, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:15, archived)
Whose house is moving
and whence?

/worried
(I helped save b3ta! Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:16, archived)
'Whence'?
Get thee behind me Chaucer
(I helped save b3ta! Fenris temporary Lazarus, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:19, archived)
Wherefore?

(I helped save b3ta! Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:20, archived)
*makes ribald joke about cuckolded husband*

(I helped save b3ta! Fenris temporary Lazarus, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:22, archived)
TGMTFHs

(I helped save b3ta! Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:24, archived)
Silly.
I'm moving house. Am waiting for telephone call so can go and get the keys. Thought I would pop into the library to say hello to you gayers beautiful people
(I helped save b3ta! Jobe, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:20, archived)
And they'll love your Crazy Frog blaring out when you get the call
Moving house and all the associated palaver is shit.

The whole waiting-around-for-the-solicitors-and-banks-to-get-their-shit-together thing makes me want to shake people. Hard.
(I helped save b3ta! Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:25, archived)

www.b3ta.com/talk/630814

'ning! How is everyone?
(I helped save b3ta! Malchick, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:53, archived)
On a day like today
you are obliged to drink hock.
Sorry.
(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:54, archived)
Annoyed
because I want to sit here and intercock and I also want to sit at my spacious desk upstairs and do some drawing, and I can't do both simultaneously.

Not without a fuckoff LAN cable, anyway.
(I helped save b3ta! Bob Todd whee, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:55, archived)
Can you bring your colouring book downstairs?
You've got to concentrate and stay in the lines, though.
(I helped save b3ta! Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:58, archived)
I suggest wanking

(I helped save b3ta! Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:58, archived)
Surely you mean
vanking? ha-ha-ha
(I helped save b3ta! The Teviot Moose major 5th., Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:59, archived)
One! Ah Ha ha!
Two! A Ha Ha!

God that could take all day
(I helped save b3ta! Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:01, archived)
i bought a fuck off lan cable the other day.
20 meters for 6 pounds!
(Quatermass and teh Shit, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:18, archived)
Woo! From where?

(I helped save b3ta! Bob Todd whee, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:35, archived)
I was just browsing a paper (Daily Mail)
while I was ordering my breakfast and it said that police had arrested a Pakistani man who was in possession of a tube map with the three bombed stations on it.

Conclusive I thought.
(I helped save b3ta! Fenris temporary Lazarus, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:00, archived)
Ah, yes,
we can always rely on the Daily Mail.
(I helped save b3ta! Malchick, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:01, archived)
My brother-in-law's neighbour's cat
saved an Arab's life last week and was advised not to travel on the tube on the seventh.
(I helped save b3ta! Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:03, archived)
In a conversation about how the mosques are receiving police protection
my wife commented on how awful it is that this is necessary.
My mother-in-law pointed out "Well, how can you tell which are the good ones?"
I hate her.
(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:05, archived)
Silly cow
They're all crap.

I went in one once, sat down and waited ages for the film to start. There was no ice cream stall and all the trailers were for East is East.
(I helped save b3ta! Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:08, archived)
dumme Grasscholle

(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:09, archived)
Nehmen Sie rückseitiges das,
oder Sie finden Ihren murray Brunnen und cunted wirklich
(I helped save b3ta! Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:12, archived)
*Nehmen es zurück.*

(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:19, archived)
They wear white cowboy hats
and give sweeties to orphans. The extremists kick cats and spit on tramps.
(I helped save b3ta! Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:12, archived)
Did he play an ice cream van jingle
to alert him to his Mother's imminent entry into the room with a cup of tea while he was wanking with his headphones on?

Or was that something else?
(I helped save b3ta! Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:06, archived)
spooky
I was showing a German tourist in London how to get from point A to point B yesterday. And he had a tube map that also had the 3 bombed stations on it.
Should I be concerned?

/edit/ what is the reason for the Teutonic touch this morning?
(I helped save b3ta! Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:05, archived)
You have single-handedly
compromised the security of this great nation

Edit: I changed my name on a whim and everyone seems to have followed suit. We're off to invade a small country later today - up for it?
(I helped save b3ta! Fenris temporary Lazarus, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:07, archived)
There isn't one.
Fenris started it, and we all thought it looked like fun.
C'mon and join in. You know you want to.
(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:08, archived)
Done.

(I helped save b3ta! Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:10, archived)
I would just like to point out for the benefit of any CIA,
FBI, MI5, Mossad, KGB, BT, SWALK operatives out there that this message-board is not a meeting place for neo-nazis wishing to overthrow the government/zionist-world-order.

Merely a happy, friendly, family environment.

*bums*
*blows up mosque*
(I helped save b3ta! The Teviot Moose major 5th., Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:12, archived)
Except for him
*points*
(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:13, archived)
SWALK
arf :)
(I helped save b3ta! Fenris temporary Lazarus, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:14, archived)
Despite spending yesterday afternoon
with a German in the Science museum I only know Danke Schen and achtung Spitfire!
(I helped save b3ta! Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:10, archived)
I'm using this:
babelfish.altavista.com/tr

It's rubbish.
(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:12, archived)
Gott in himmel
Donnen und blitzen (from lots of WW2 comics when I were nowt but a lad)

Du bist ein wicks-flek (may not be spelt correctly but means you are a wank stain)

Considering I am 1/4 German I am crap at it, I'm shamefully better at speaking French
(I helped save b3ta! Fenris temporary Lazarus, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:13, archived)
How about "Die, Tommy Englischer! Aieeee!"

(I helped save b3ta! Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:14, archived)
Swinehund!

(I helped save b3ta! Fenris temporary Lazarus, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:14, archived)
What about
"For you, Tommy, ze var iss ofer"?
(I helped save b3ta! Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 10:14, archived)
'ning you germanic scum
I's off ont' sick, cheer me up please
:(
(I helped save b3ta! Dill, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:33, archived)
Get cracking you work-shy Mick bastard!
Working?

'Ning! :D
(I helped save b3ta! Fenris temporary Lazarus, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:34, archived)
aw I feel better already
how's it hanging matey?
(I helped save b3ta! Dill, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:35, archived)
All good ta
I seem to have started something with this German name thing, I apologise now as I suspect by mid-afternoon we'll be rounding you all up and shipping you off to death- happy-camps.

What are you ill with?
(I helped save b3ta! Fenris temporary Lazarus, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:37, archived)
this
www.b3ta.com/talk/630984
(I helped save b3ta! Dill, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:39, archived)
AIDS
Harsh mate. Can I have your stuff when you die?
(I helped save b3ta! Fenris temporary Lazarus, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:41, archived)
yeah
you'll have to look after wifey as well
(I helped save b3ta! Dill, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:42, archived)
Happily
;P
(I helped save b3ta! Fenris temporary Lazarus, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:58, archived)
Warum kreuzte das Huhn die Straße?
Er war folgende Aufträge, die ständig befolgt werden müssen.

/altavista babel fish
(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:35, archived)
Das Pffft!
Mit ein bisschen ha ha ha auch.
(I helped save b3ta! Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:36, archived)
?
The Pffft! Also a little hectar hectar hectar also.
(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:37, archived)
With a bit of
'ha ha ha' too.
(I helped save b3ta! Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:40, archived)
Ich schätzte den wirklich.
Die schlechte Übersetzung unterhielt mich gerade. Ich wundere mich, wie sie twunt... übersetzt
(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:41, archived)
that's always the way with chickens
:)
(I helped save b3ta! Dill, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:37, archived)
*eintragfäden*

Traurig. Gerechte folgende Aufträge
(I helped save b3ta! Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:38, archived)
Bloody eck
Everyones had it recently...

My newly healed body is sympathetic...
(I helped save b3ta! Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:36, archived)
I just feel totally shattered
and very achy and bloated
(I helped save b3ta! Dill, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:38, archived)
I spent the end of last week
like that. And sweaty and shivering.

So, umm, bad luck.
(I helped save b3ta! Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:41, archived)
how long?
I've got loads of work to do this week
(I helped save b3ta! Dill, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:42, archived)
Thursday lunchtime
through to Saturday evening weren't good for working. Still given that I'm hundreds of miles away, it *might* not be the same bug.
(I helped save b3ta! Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:44, archived)
indeed
but those bugs are devious little bastards
(I helped save b3ta! Dill, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:47, archived)
Sie sind homosexuell.
Sie verfangen sich homosexuelle Krankheiten, weil Sie homosexuell sind.
(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:39, archived)
Ich bin warm.
(German lesson no1 :
Ich bin warm = I am gay
Ich habe warm = I am hot.
NEVER get these confused in a German nightclub)
(I helped save b3ta! The Teviot Moose major 5th., Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:41, archived)
So what is "I am a hot gay"?

(I helped save b3ta! Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:56, archived)
ach gehen Bumsen sich Sie faggot
:)
(I helped save b3ta! Dill, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:41, archived)
I have just received an e-mail with the ICE advice
This was sent to the company global address list

you know the advice where you are supposed to save your emergency contact(s) under the name ICE.

Would it have been wrong of me to reply to all simply saying

glasscock,

I have been here too long. The voices are still telling me to do it.

'ning ALL
(t3d on FTLFM now http://83.149.101.8:8070/listen.pls, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:20, archived)
I attempted to get onto b3ta/talk
On my tv the other day

Kill me.
(I helped save b3ta! Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:22, archived)
Gangland style
or execution?
(I helped save b3ta! comrade yannovski and then, of course, there was the schnapps monkey, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:23, archived)
Gangbang style please

(I helped save b3ta! Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:26, archived)
seek help


does it work on WAP?
(I helped save b3ta! Dirty Bob hasn't been here for ages, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:24, archived)
Can I be arsed to get a haircut later?
I'm rather uneven.

Edit: And if you're asked to call someone "in the morning" when exactly does that mean?
(I helped save b3ta! Reid got it going on like Donkey Kong, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:04, archived)
I'm getting mine done today
so you jolly well can too.


Can any one let me have my weekend now please?

/spent all cunting weekend fixing cunting PCs for cunts
(I helped save b3ta! Fenris temporary Lazarus, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:06, archived)
'Ning you
and all.

You got a free dinner out of it, why are you moaning? ;)
(I helped save b3ta! Dekazer, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:14, archived)
So tired...

I'm not getting much sympathy am I? :'(
(I helped save b3ta! Fenris temporary Lazarus, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:17, archived)
is it germanificated
name day?
(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:20, archived)
I think so


/only following orders
(I helped save b3ta! Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:22, archived)
The vol au vent told me to do this:
*snuggles*

/only obeying hors d'oeuvres
(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:24, archived)
The nutty old woman who never throws anything away told me to do this:
*spang*

/only following hoarders
(I helped save b3ta! Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:25, archived)
*Umarmungen*

(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:29, archived)
My fag told me to do this
*bums*

/only following boarders
(I helped save b3ta! The Teviot Moose major 5th., Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:30, archived)
Jawohl mein komrade :)
*annexes Poland*


Edit: Dekazer's name already sounds German anyway
(I helped save b3ta! Fenris temporary Lazarus, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:23, archived)
Sieg Heil Mein Fuhrer.
(oh, that'll look good on ac...)
(I helped save b3ta! The Teviot Moose major 5th., Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:28, archived)
Altavista babel fish is great:
"The Teviot of moose - shooting it me, Anfllen me, attachment me"
(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:30, archived)
Which is how I translated my name in the first place.
Its like Chinese whispers. Only in German.
(I helped save b3ta! The Teviot Moose major 5th., Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:38, archived)
Yes, loads
I'm a very very sympathetic person :D
(I helped save b3ta! Dekazer, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:21, archived)
*has coughing fit*

Yes. Yes I'm sure you are.
(I helped save b3ta! Fenris temporary Lazarus, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:24, archived)
Well, I make an excellent nurse at any rate.

(I helped save b3ta! Dekazer, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:26, archived)
i'm getting my hair cut today too.
i will have a trendy white line where my tan stops. that should attract the chicks.
(I helped save b3ta! Dirty Bob hasn't been here for ages, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:23, archived)
Hair is the antennae to receive messages from other worlds
Keep it long and you can receive these messages and learn from them

/the dealer from Withnail. Danny?

Edit: Is it for a job or is it a mate?

Job: call them now - shows eagerness and ability to get up before midday.

Mate: call them now - you'll get them out of bed and they'll be really pissed off.
(I helped save b3ta! Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:14, archived)
Hence bald-headed men are
so perpetually uptight

Edit: And you pitifully misquoted that :P
(I helped save b3ta! Fenris temporary Lazarus, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:16, archived)
ning mincer!
:)
(I helped save b3ta! Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:18, archived)
Ning you big bundle of gay
Good weekend?
(I helped save b3ta! Fenris temporary Lazarus, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:18, archived)
Meh and bah in equal measures:)

(I helped save b3ta! Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:20, archived)
Same here
Finally got a decent nights sleep on Friday night (slept into 12!) but had loads to do so was a bit of a pain. Spent the rest of it trying (pretty fruitlessly) to fix mate's PCs (for gratis) :(
(I helped save b3ta! Fenris temporary Lazarus, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:25, archived)
I think it's true - Terry Nutkins was well-relaxed
What he lacked on top he more than made up for at the sides, allowing him to receive the cosmic transmissions as though he had a full head of hair.


Edit: I know I completely misquoted it - I haven't seen it for years. You knew what I was on about, though.
(I helped save b3ta! Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:18, archived)
Oh, I'm keeping it long, I just want it to be all the same long.
If that makes any sense.
(I helped save b3ta! Reid got it going on like Donkey Kong, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:17, archived)
That's politics,
man.
(I helped save b3ta! Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:17, archived)
'Ning spackers!
My driving lesson has been cancelled so I'm going back to bed.
(I helped save b3ta! Shoosh up your lips Not state-funded, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:04, archived)
Luton's for wimps.
/ac

What I was originally going to type was "Lucky bugger" but I quite like my autocomplete.
(I helped save b3ta! Reid got it going on like Donkey Kong, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:05, archived)
My instructor has food poisoning :s

(I helped save b3ta! Shoosh up your lips Not state-funded, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:06, archived)
So why would anyone want to listen to it?
/ac
(I helped save b3ta! The Teviot Moose major 5th., Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:06, archived)
Are you still talking about the bumsex?
/ac
(I helped save b3ta! Reid got it going on like Donkey Kong, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:16, archived)
No need to apologise.
/ac
(I helped save b3ta! The Teviot Moose major 5th., Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:22, archived)
Don't drive
It costs a fucking fortune and you spend fucking £340 on getting your car fixed on Friday and it fucking starts rattling again over the course of the fucking weekend.

/breathe
(I helped save b3ta! Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:17, archived)
Harsh mate
no joy? Car's are (subliminal message: get a motorbike) crappy.
(I helped save b3ta! Fenris temporary Lazarus, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:19, archived)
The missus is having a scan today
If it comes back as being twins we're probably going to sell the two cars and buy a big, reliable people-shifter and I'm going to cycle to work.

Sorted.
(I helped save b3ta! Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:31, archived)
Twins?
Jesus you'll be busy - good luck!
(I helped save b3ta! Fenris temporary Lazarus, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:39, archived)
MOOOOOORNIIIIIING!
I had a great weekend.
I'd ask how yours was, but I don't care.

Anyone care for some croissants and salami milano?
(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 8:53, archived)
No
I have poorly bobos.
(I helped save b3ta! DrPoppers Touched by his noodly appendage, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 8:55, archived)
I am sympathetic

(I helped save b3ta! Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:00, archived)

mpathe phili
(I helped save b3ta! Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:16, archived)
christ on a bike
these are getting thin now.
(I helped save b3ta! DrPoppers Touched by his noodly appendage, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:18, archived)
I have a quota of one a week
I thought I'd get it out of the way on Monday morning.
(I helped save b3ta! Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:20, archived)

ee
an
(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:49, archived)
NO!

(I helped save b3ta! diffy maybs, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 8:56, archived)
The salami is slightly sweaty.

(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 9:06, archived)
Helloooooo!!!!
/tigger
(I helped save b3ta! Gizmo.mp3 does not exist, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 8:46, archived)
Why good morning!
Care for some bouncy trouncy flouncy pouncy fun funfunfun fun?
(I helped save b3ta! Reid got it going on like Donkey Kong, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 8:51, archived)
snoop to the motherfucking d-o-double-g
/nigger
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 8:53, archived)
_

(I helped save b3ta! Reid got it going on like Donkey Kong, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 8:55, archived)
/

(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 8:56, archived)
Axl

(I helped save b3ta! Reid got it going on like Donkey Kong, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 8:56, archived)
Good morning,
my fragrant little shagpiggies.

Everyone have a good weekend?
(I helped save b3ta! Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 8:12, archived)
Good 'ning!
Lovely weekend spent slowly baking in fabulous sunshine. Hurrah.

Now back at work. Boo. Hiss.

You?
(I helped save b3ta! The Teviot Moose major 5th., Mon 11 Jul 2005, 8:16, archived)
Not too bad at all.
Busy.

Like a bee is busy. Busy.

You?
(I helped save b3ta! Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 8:20, archived)
Me me me
well, I went to bed at 9 on Friday night, spent Saturday ill, and spent Sunday in the sun eating ice cream by way of compensation.

And I saw Batman Begins last night. Which was nice.
(I helped save b3ta! Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 8:27, archived)
No!
I didn't get back from work until 2am Sunday morning.

But I'm off fishing now! :-)
(I helped save b3ta! Slippery Jim Seeking a psychotic lady for fun & sex & crime., Mon 11 Jul 2005, 8:29, archived)
I honestly can't remember
so that probably means yes.

Minor threadjack: Anybody going to see Kim Gordon's thingy at the Barbican?
(I helped save b3ta! Reid got it going on like Donkey Kong, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 8:47, archived)
Kim Gordon's Thingy?

(I helped save b3ta! Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 8:53, archived)
She's done a film with some guy.
Tis called Perfect Partner.
(I helped save b3ta! Reid got it going on like Donkey Kong, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 8:56, archived)
as in sonic youth kim gordon?
she frightens me
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 8:59, archived)
She gives me the horn.
/milf
(I helped save b3ta! Reid got it going on like Donkey Kong, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 8:59, archived)
Ah.
No.
(I helped save b3ta! Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 8:59, archived)
I get up when I want,
except on Wednesdays Mondays, when I get rudely awakened by the dustman milkman.

*yawns*
(I helped save b3ta! Druid, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 5:46, archived)
you mean when he slams your mother's bedroom door?
or when he takes his dick out of your ass?
(Philosophacles Now is my chance to be funny, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 6:19, archived)
Don't order milk from him in protest at his noisy ways
and acquire a cow. I managed to pick one up off some twat for 5 beans that I said were magic.
(I helped save b3ta! Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 7:43, archived)
You mean they weren't????

My father's gonna kil me!!!

*lists 5 magic beans on ebay*
(I helped save b3ta! diffy maybs, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 7:56, archived)
MAGIC BEANS* FOR SALE!
Buy it now! - 1 Cow


*beans may not be magic
(I helped save b3ta! Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 8:06, archived)
*Clicks Buy It Now*

*never learns*
(I helped save b3ta! diffy maybs, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 8:08, archived)
:)

(I helped save b3ta! Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 8:29, archived)
anyone else still up?

(I helped save b3ta! parttimedogfish is a Born-Again Reincarnationist, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 4:52, archived)
yes

(Philosophacles Now is my chance to be funny, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 5:06, archived)
good to hear





*bums*
(I helped save b3ta! parttimedogfish is a Born-Again Reincarnationist, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 5:32, archived)
One of my friends had a crack at one of my ex girlfriends tonight, she didn't want any of it
and still wanted me

He got pissy with me, was I within my rights to tell him to fuck off?

Edit: thanks, I love b3ta
The thing yesterday with jadeviper is still making me blow a blubbery one
(Naughty Tortoise, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 2:28, archived)
Fuck yeah
Sounds like a wanker to me
(I helped save b3ta! Tone Depear fucking rocks, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 2:37, archived)
yes

(I helped save b3ta! parttimedogfish is a Born-Again Reincarnationist, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 2:38, archived)
yes
I hope you cunted them in the fuck
(I helped save b3ta! Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 3:28, archived)
God yes.
Shit his face.
(I helped save b3ta! Comma, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 3:49, archived)
yes
one of my friends wants to fuck my ex, i think she still likes me. But i dont care.
(Philosophacles Now is my chance to be funny, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 5:10, archived)
Oasis rocked!

(I helped save b3ta! mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 1:14, archived)
No, they didn't.

(I helped save b3ta! Shoosh up your lips Not state-funded, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 1:15, archived)
not even backwards and forwards?

(I helped save b3ta! Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 1:16, archived)
Oasis is a damn
tasty soft drink.
Very refreshing.
(I helped save b3ta! NobbyNobody 21 years a b3tan, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 1:25, archived)
It's just orange squash.

(I helped save b3ta! Comma, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 1:36, archived)
Nice orange squash :)

(I helped save b3ta! Shoosh up your lips Not state-funded, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 1:38, archived)
I just drank Dylan Moran's wine!
Went to see his stand up show in Liverpool and at the end a friend of mine went onstage and took the half-full bottle of wine he'd left behind. We waited for him, got it signed, then took it back to a friend's and drank it as we ate muffins and watched Black Books.
Woo!
(I helped save b3ta! Malchick, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 1:06, archived)
Wow that is class,
well done to you.

/Was is good wine?
(moomin-papa ; folkin class., Mon 11 Jul 2005, 1:07, archived)
Aye, not bad,
a 2002 white Chablis.
(I helped save b3ta! Malchick, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 1:17, archived)
chablis is the best of all white wines

let nobody say otherwise
(I helped save b3ta! Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 1:18, archived)
eeeew!
White wine am teh devil's spunk.

Red's nice though.
(I helped save b3ta! Tone Depear fucking rocks, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 2:33, archived)
I hate to admit this
but for the half hour you had that wine with you, you were the coolest guy i know.
(Quatermass and teh Shit, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 1:08, archived)
You are ace.
FACT.
(I helped save b3ta! Shoosh up your lips Not state-funded, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 1:09, archived)
Piss in the bottle
and sell it as Dylan Moran's own signed urine.
(I helped save b3ta! Comma, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 1:27, archived)
I'm at work on a night shift
There's no one dying right now so I have nothing to do.

Does anyone know of a well written witty blog, preferably one by a shop owner or customer service person that takes the piss out of stupid people they encounter in their job.

Anyone?
(I helped save b3ta! NobbyNobody 21 years a b3tan, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 1:03, archived)
Dear NobbyNobody with BiroMash t-shirts.
I am afraid I don't, as I do not like blogs. Sorry.

Yours sincerely.
(moomin-papa ; folkin class., Mon 11 Jul 2005, 1:05, archived)
Dear moomin-papa
Thanks for your reply anyway

yours,
NobbyNobody.

P.s. Beware the Groak.
(I helped save b3ta! NobbyNobody 21 years a b3tan, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 1:19, archived)
http://www.customerssuck.com/
the Vinegar Boy saga is rather lovley.
(Three Percent Battery Remaining, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 1:09, archived)
Just the ticket.
thank you.

*reads*
(I helped save b3ta! NobbyNobody 21 years a b3tan, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 1:20, archived)
that site is ace

(I helped save b3ta! Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 2:43, archived)
yes! yes I do
the blog by the girl who was a London call girl who wrote so articulartly that she had the world's press trying to guess who she was (they thought she was a journo or writer) and even employed linguistics software experts to track patterns in writing to discover her identity.

I will find the address if you are interested, I don't know if she is still posting. I last looked about a year ago.
(I helped save b3ta! Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 1:14, archived)
Sounds good.
yes please.
(I helped save b3ta! NobbyNobody 21 years a b3tan, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 1:19, archived)
try starting here
it appears she now has a book deal so is not updating daily as she was for a few years.
belledejour-uk.blogspot.com/2003_11_01_belledejour-uk_archive.html
(I helped save b3ta! Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 1:30, archived)
The Incredible Hulk has a blog
incrediblehulk.blogspot.com/
(Uncle Vinnie, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 1:44, archived)
I'm also at work on the nightshift and bored to tears
but if you haven't read this:

randomreality.blogware.com/blog

It's utterly essential.
(I helped save b3ta! Tone Depear fucking rocks, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 2:36, archived)

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