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May - Go Home Van 'Message Too Soft'

(Shizzling, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 11:29, archived)

Haha *click*

This is frighteningly real

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The Silent Channel is getting his recommended 5-a-day, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 11:40, archived)

haha

Very good

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Q4nobody, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 11:40, archived)

seems very flippant now, but, movie news

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HappyToast Groat froth, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 11:29, archived)

So that's where that odd British accent came from...

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The Silent Channel is getting his recommended 5-a-day, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 11:40, archived)

what! what happened what happened

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PedroHin Come along & ride on a Flantastic Voyage, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 11:41, archived)

Tom Hardy will be playing Elton John in a biopic

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HappyToast Groat froth, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 11:44, archived)

arf!

They should have Vernon Wells play the role of Bernie Taupin

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PedroHin Come along & ride on a Flantastic Voyage, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 11:49, archived)

What the HELL?

I just read this!!!

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Q4nobody, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 11:42, archived)

It'll be a challenging role for Tom. Probably his most difficult to date.

Unless he can get some funny teeth and glasses… then it'll be a piece of piss.

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Fresh Water Mole loves his baby boy more and more every day, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 11:55, archived)

Soz for words but...

As soon as I saw the new compo I just had to do this.
My mrs has cancer. She has gone from a 9st attractive woman to a 6st old
lady who is having treatment 3 days a week for Lymphoma. She has had
three ATOS assessments the last one last week and has been found
'Fit For Work' each time. She will now automatically be put on JSA and
lose her DLA/ESA whatever they choose to call it and would have to attend
the Jobcentre five days a week from 9am to 5pm and actively look for work.
This means she would have to give up any hope of treatment to do this.
She has now told them to stick their benefits and now gets nothing.
Forgive me for the rant but we are actually going through this.
I don't know exactly how long I will have her in my life but one things for
sure I will never let her attempt to get any benefits from this evil vile
government again despite her never being off work in her entire working
life as a nurse. And the so called rumour that they have coins glued to the
floor to see if anyone trys to pick it up... Completely true. A 50p under the table.

EDIT: Great comments and support b3ta :)))))))))))

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Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Thu 24 Oct 2013, 10:30, archived)

Fuck. Really don't know what to say here, but going to say it anyway. Fuck.

What a bunch of utter, utter cunts.
You (and she) have my sympathy.

EDIT: and of course you've seen this:
www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/video-dennis-skinner-takes-david-2460802

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da5id <YOUR SIG HERE>, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 10:34, archived)

Total shit heads.

Thoughts are with you and Mrs HB

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The Twisted Omentum vidi vici veni, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 10:35, archived)

Go to all the fucking papers with this

Start with the Guardian and Daily Mail (no matter how much you hate either). Also go to your local MP. This is a complete abuse. Use the tiny amount of power you have to kick up the biggest shit-storm you possibly can.

Also I'm really sorry, if this happened to me I would be unable to cope. You have my sympathies and righteous anger.

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DinivanX Has stinging piss after drinking Pact Coffee, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 10:36, archived)

People in worse situations have done this.

It has been brought up at PMQ's, Amnesty International have challenged Iain Duncan-Smith over human rights issues yet it just gets worse. It seems the more noise made, the tighter the grip.

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Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Thu 24 Oct 2013, 10:43, archived)

^This

With extra fucks!

Fuck, that's really so shit.

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@><|= w0nu!) or cunt to my friends, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 15:20, archived)

sorry to hear about your missus

unsurprised by the atos story

as above, go to the papers, perhaps they can cough up a few quid to help you out for the exclusive :(

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HappyToast Groat froth, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 10:39, archived)

It's not the money that matters so much

I'm OK, my mate left me a tidy sum in his will. It's the principal that hurts.

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Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Thu 24 Oct 2013, 10:44, archived)

absolutely

it's a fucking disgrace.

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HappyToast Groat froth, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 10:54, archived)

This is all of the sad :(

So sorry for you and your partner; the state of this country is beyond hope.

::EDIT:: By the way the picture is bloody great.

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Extinct Jesus Dossier "...I think it counteracts Hitler's magic...", Thu 24 Oct 2013, 10:40, archived)

Thanks.

I had to have a moan. Off to t'hospital to pick her up now. She's having some sort of light treatment today.

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Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Thu 24 Oct 2013, 10:47, archived)

that is vile

Similar retards in Sweden right now, the Dr Mengeles of health care and support rule the country, slaughtering public services. "Nursing people at home will give families a chance to spend quality time" stated the prime minister as a conclusion to his last term, as a comment about their official rule that nobody can be ill longer than a year and after that loses any support. It has been suggested he should get the Nobel prize in medicine for this breakthrough discovery that no illness lasts longer than a year.

(macroscian (1 like), Thu 24 Oct 2013, 10:45, archived)

It's difficult to know what to say...

This sort of stuff happens probably on a daily basis, but it's only when you hear someone explain it, that it becomes more real (if that makes sense). I think others have said this, but I would definitely go to a paper or MP with this. The system is clearly broken and needs fixing.
People who clearly don't need help seem to get it by the bucket load with handouts etc. And then when people genuinely need help and understanding they receive a slap to the face. Stay positive and stay strong. But do speak out about this. I feel odd 'click'-ing this, but if it gets you more awareness and support, then 'click' away I will.

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Ya What Skiddlyboop, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 10:47, archived)

bloody harsh

i'd agree that people need to keep hearing stuff like this. These twats seem to be making damn sure that no one will ever vote them in ever again

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mutated monty, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 10:51, archived)

oh come on, we all know they'll be out and then back in 4 years thanks to peoples short memories

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HappyToast Groat froth, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 10:55, archived)

Or lack of appealing alternatives.

I'm curious to see what the turnout rate will be next election.

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Extinct Jesus Dossier "...I think it counteracts Hitler's magic...", Thu 24 Oct 2013, 11:03, archived)

So sorry to hear that.

Every single thing I've read about ATOS seems to suggest that they're heartless, brainless vampires that exist just to give people a symbolic hope that their case might be listened to, without ever providing any assistance to anyone. I saw Dennis Skinner's rant about them in Parliament as well.

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.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 10:51, archived)

Awful news.

They really are a nasty heartless bunch.

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Fresh Water Mole loves his baby boy more and more every day, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 11:01, archived)

It seems inappropriate to click "I like this!" but I clicked it anyway.

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Shlvng, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 11:13, archived)

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Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 11:14, archived)

So sorry mate :(

You tell her every time you're with her that you love her.
Don't waste a precious moment. Thinking of you both x

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Ninj, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 11:18, archived)

Hope you're keeping well mate?

Chin up and do him proud. I watched my mate walk his 2 daughters (7 &9) behind their mums coffin last week to Ben E.Kings 'Stand by me' Tears in my eyes thinking about it again :(

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Q4nobody, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 11:30, archived)

Hi mate, struggling at the moment

Seems to be two steps forward, five back, bless you.
God that must have been awful for him :(
But, with mates like you, it helps SO much :)

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Ninj, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 11:38, archived)

Keep strong man

As my wife's grandpa used to say, "I've had a good life son" and I'm sure your dad would tell you the same. But keep strong for him mate.

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Q4nobody, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 11:54, archived)

Cheers mate

:D \O/

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Ninj, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 11:59, archived)

Hallo gorgeous!

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Fresh Water Mole loves his baby boy more and more every day, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 12:00, archived)

Hai Moleypoos

\O/

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Ninj, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 12:01, archived)

Nice to see you back :D

Keep strong matey!

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Shallowz Has Aspirations Syndrome, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 12:04, archived)

Bless you mate!

Cheers Shallowz :)

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Ninj, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 12:08, archived)

um, would you believe I literally just made this

would you believe I literally just made this

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ferret -> twitter.com/syfyautocorrect <-, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 11:22, archived)

actually I did read it

and that's bloody terrible :-( I hope you have as much time together as possible

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ferret -> twitter.com/syfyautocorrect <-, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 11:23, archived)

So sorry to hear this :(

A nation should be judged on how it looks after its most vulnerable citizens and ATOS is what we get
Hope you and Mrs Hood-Butter find some light soon

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The Silent Channel is getting his recommended 5-a-day, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 11:23, archived)

Fucking hell :(

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drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 11:28, archived)

Fuckin cunts, the lot of them!

Like Ninj said, enjoy every moment. Start a petition with the above story on change ( www.change.org/en-GB ), we who care, will sign and share!

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Q4nobody, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 11:28, archived)

Probably best pushing one of the existing petitions

Francesca Martinez' one seems to be doing well (though I have my doubts the government listen)

epetitions.direct.gov.uk/petitions/43154

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monkeon schmonkeon, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 11:40, archived)

Signed

And yeah, think I'll go share that one, if it'll make any difference?

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Q4nobody, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 11:47, archived)

Do it, It should be in the newsletter as well

going to paste this shit wherever I can. So sorry Captain. Cunty enough situation as it is.

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unclepills, Fri 25 Oct 2013, 9:32, archived)

How awful :(

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Pig Bodine., Thu 24 Oct 2013, 11:35, archived)

Sorry to hear that.

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monkeon schmonkeon, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 11:42, archived)

Another reluctant 'click' as it were.

Ive had the 'pleasure' of dealing with ATOS, and although not anywhere near as bad as your missus' situation, to me at the time it was every bit as important. They are a stupid bunch of fucking brain deads that Im sure just flip a coin to decide which ones get any help. They may as well have a delicatessen style number picker for everyone waiting that day and at 4 pm just decide odds or evens, that seems a better system than the current one :)

(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 12:06, archived)

A friend of mine's profoundly autistic 18 year old son

..is in residential care and can't even speak, never mind read or write. They know this - he has been the same all of his life and, sadly, will never improve.

ATOS have demanded he fill in an assessment form to decide whether he is eligible for benefits. His mum has ended up having to fill it in for him. All it serves to do is stir up the grief of having a child whose life is so limited.

(Shizzling, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 12:06, archived)

Both of you keep strong and fighting Captn!!

tbh I went through almost exactly the same with my missus (but hers was leuakaemia) and was actually before the ATOS criminals appeared. So even (nearly) 3 years ago, the ill, the poor and the weak were treated like shite...

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Shallowz Has Aspirations Syndrome, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 12:08, archived)

The only anecdotes I could add here would just further paint a picture of the soulless bastards working exactly to the required design.

I can only send out happy thoughts, and wish the best for both of you.

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discomeats This canoe, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 14:02, archived)

That's terrible captn

My sincere thoughts to you and yours. xx

I'm genuinely aghast at how much these soulless bastards are getting away with at the moment. At what point do we snap and say "ENOUGH!"

Now if your Mrs were a banker with her bonus under threat they'd bust their arses fighting for her.

Cunts! :(

(Featheredfish 's life needs an undo key., Thu 24 Oct 2013, 14:47, archived)

what an absolute bunch of twats

I cannot comprehend what you are going through and for the DWP and (don't give) Atos to do this to you and yours is unbelievable.
I would only echoe the sentiments of those who have posted before me and kick up a shit storm about this as much as is humanly possible.

(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 14:51, archived)

it is impossible to call these people bad enough names

the words haven't been invented yet that will do the job.

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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 14:57, archived)

Have you thought about a Change.org petition to increase awareness

..and garner public support?

It's the sort of thing that would go viral on Facebook and should also attract media attention as the support increases.

(Shizzling, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 15:11, archived)

Do it

www.b3ta.com/board/11023414

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@><|= w0nu!) or cunt to my friends, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 15:22, archived)

Been there Captn

Tell her you love her every moment and hug her for england.
Very best wishes bloke.

(boarders You won't catch me with my trousers, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 19:44, archived)

thanks for posting

What an absolute shower of cunts!

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mamilla_sarsum um... a vial is enough, no jam-jars please, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 20:12, archived)

As Ninj said I hope that you can tell each other you love the other every day,

The best of luck with the treatments. You must be a very tough couple and have my respect.

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Jabberwoc misses D.R. and Quinch, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 20:29, archived)

Thoughts are with you both....

I battled Atos for my missus too - thankfully she was finally put into the support group - It was a bitter and draining fight - All they do is make your existence worse than it already was - Glad you don't need them but that is not the point - As the others said just cherish every day and f**k Atos !

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paranoiaman, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 20:55, archived)

atos are a shower of bastards

Best wishes to both of you.

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Afinkawan Yes I can hear you Clem Fandango, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 21:52, archived)

Cap'n to Cap'n

This is a shitty thing to happen. Spend as much time together as you can. Let her know she's loved. You have a flair for comedy i your work. Try to laugh together, however hard that is, She is who she was, not the disease she now has.

Try to be happy.

(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 23:00, archived)

crying

...

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bigmeuprudeboy is using powerpoint or paint...have MERCY, Fri 25 Oct 2013, 12:32, archived)

Hood-Butts

Long time no speak, but just wanted to add my support here, you poor sod.

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thealternativefact, Fri 25 Oct 2013, 14:34, archived)

See whether there's an advocacy service in your area that can help you go to appeal, then tribunal

I challenge Atos decisions as part of my job and so far haven't lost a tribunal. It's really rewarding helping restore benefits to scared, stressed people who have been left at their wits end by Atos. It is possible to to get the DWP to completely back down, if you know exactly how the Atos psychology/scoring system works.

While you are waiting for your hearing, she should continue to get the benefit at the pre-assessment rate. Good luck!

(IHateSprouts is baking a huge pie shaped like an enormous pie, Fri 25 Oct 2013, 15:08, archived)

this

I appealed and went to tribunal.
They found in my favour and told ATOS to fuck off (for a while)...
DON'T LET THE BASTARDS GRIND YOU DOWN!!!

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claptonista ,the idiot boy.........., Sun 27 Oct 2013, 14:08, archived)

take a hammer and chisel next time

and get the 50p from the bastards.

(rogerzilla, Fri 25 Oct 2013, 17:32, archived)

Much as I don't like clicking, "I like this!"...

... I did. I'm really sorry for the situation you find yourself in. I hope you find a voice loud enough to tell the whole nation about what's happening to you both.

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Jimvin dropped plates on your arse at, Fri 25 Oct 2013, 18:18, archived)

I can only offer -

(Manly hugs)

(The Jannie, Fri 25 Oct 2013, 21:42, archived)

I have no idea how I missed this

Nice work and my thoughts are with you both

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Frogbeat, Sun 27 Oct 2013, 23:33, archived)

My best wishes to you both, I hope your situation improves

*b3ta support system fives*

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h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Mon 28 Oct 2013, 10:04, archived)

Fight the power

Stay strong for her. Fight the fuckers back!

(Fabcat&MK see nothing wrong with a little bump n grind, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 16:22, archived)

we don't want your imperialist baked products...

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VicBrown I used to be narcoleptic but i'm alrig ,, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 10:30, archived)

He's right

Piles of black pudding goatse are spoilled by croissants

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CanonCaliber A big bore, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 10:42, archived)

"Croissant? Not without white wine, surely?"

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The Silent Channel is getting his recommended 5-a-day, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 11:25, archived)

hahah

damn you smug bastard!

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Firkinfedup last shat on your wife's tits at, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 12:45, archived)

De-lurks...

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The Twisted Omentum vidi vici veni, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 10:24, archived)

"It'll destroy our local communities!"

"Yes, that's why we came up with it."

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The Silent Channel is getting his recommended 5-a-day, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 11:25, archived)

oh and this too...

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Ya What Skiddlyboop, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 10:19, archived)

haha spot on

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The Twisted Omentum vidi vici veni, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 10:25, archived)

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HappyToast Groat froth, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 10:27, archived)

£1000's?

What's that in rubles?

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The Silent Channel is getting his recommended 5-a-day, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 11:28, archived)

Rubles?!

Who cares, it's reflecting modern life in Britain. The Russians can go whistle.

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Ya What Skiddlyboop, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 11:30, archived)

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Ya What Skiddlyboop, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 10:13, archived)

Aw shit, made this yesterday! :(

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Q4nobody, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 9:54, archived)

Saw this on the high street

Should someone tell them?

(Polyphant, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 9:49, archived)

trollbeads?

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HappyToast Groat froth, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 9:52, archived)

ROSES OF BOU

Family Jew

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drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 9:58, archived)

Also, why am I looking at a picture of your shop

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drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 10:24, archived)

yay Goatse Emblem

(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 10:05, archived)

It can go on for a while...

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Muns, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 9:41, archived)

hahahahaha

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HappyToast Groat froth, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 9:47, archived)

Heheh

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monkeon schmonkeon, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 10:07, archived)

Excellent.

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da5id <YOUR SIG HERE>, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 10:35, archived)

BEARD POWER: 5

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drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 12:09, archived)

Remember "Purple Aki"?

Wiki him if you don't...

(Penguinbert killed Ken Dodd's dad's dog, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 9:25, archived)

am i getting him confused with someone else

or was he the scouse sock thief?

(champagnerocker, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 17:03, archived)

Nope

He would accost schoolboys and threaten to give them a 'purple aki' (hence the name) to coerce them into to doing things that I can't remember the specifics of.

He was, at one time active around the Bradford area and there was a sighting of him near my mate's school that prompted the teachers to gather all the kids in the school hall. Everyone though it was an urban myth until he was actually arrested years later.

(squigbobble existed, Fri 25 Oct 2013, 13:36, archived)

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Fresh Water Mole loves his baby boy more and more every day, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 9:19, archived)

thrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreadrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrush!

This, I like!

(macroscian (1 like), Thu 24 Oct 2013, 9:39, archived)

QOTW Vote thyme

Yet another QOTW vote. Since all the suggestions so far are Shambo and Vagabond making jokes, I've ressurrected some from last week and even further back:

1) Siblings - Stories please about siblings that have ruined your life. ( unclepills )

2) Hitchhiking - When was the last time you gave a hitchhiker a lift, or picked someone up? Ever had a nightmare lift? Extra points for tales of lurid naughties or Honda Accords. ( The Lone Groover )

3) Lego - Tell us* all what amazing stuff you've got up to with Lego in the past. * Apart from you Emvee, you fucking pervert. ( Battered )

4) Trains - Not just a way of getting from a to b, but the best way to meet Jimmy Savile