How to seduce a b3tan?
Imagine you are visiting the town of a b3tan of your choice. How would you seduce them without much time, say a three day visit?
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 26 Mar 2010, 10:56, 159 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Metallica Covers Defence Initiative ASSEMBLE!!!
Let's see who was sober enough yesterday to remember this discussion
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 26 Mar 2010, 10:52, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

10-year hardon (not 10-year-old hardon, I hasten to add)
When one of our Directors sent me this link, for a fairly useful looking app. However, look under point no. 3. 10 years? I think I'd expire from blue balls a bit before that...

Title edited for potential CP confusion.
(Sir Itchalot has a very self-referential signature, Fri 26 Mar 2010, 10:40, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

How to seduce althegeordie?
I'm visiting London in a few weeks. How would you seduce althegeordie without much time, say on a three-day visit?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 26 Mar 2010, 10:26, 80 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Last night
my mum walked in on me right whilst I was 'going to Dunstable'. Oh man, I could have died from embarrassment.

Do you have a 'going to Dunstable' anecdote with which to regale the board? Best story wins a weekend in Dunstable with Wet Ham Man.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Mar 2010, 9:42, 33 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Not one of you fuckers has wished me a happy birthday yet.
So fuck you all, I'm going to Dunstable.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 26 Mar 2010, 8:04, 34 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

How to seduce Roota?
at least into a fancy date?
Visiting Liverpool from merica in September. How would you seduce Roota without much time (on a three day visit)?
(BalthasarusWhodatSaintdeVinci, Fri 26 Mar 2010, 0:35, 74 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Woo woo!
I just got offered a job - it's way less than I was making but it's at least gonna pay the rent if nothing else.
And it's reception work so I'm gonna be bored brainless all day, but it's a job. Hurrah!!!!
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 22:42, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

You set o' bastards!
I'm sick and roasting hot and bored.
If you don't talk to me I'll phone my mate Vicki or eat more.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 21:09, 180 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

This may be geared more toward the laydeez but how cute is
Violet Afflek???
Really, compared to Suri Cruise, who never smiles. I think her alien parents forbid it.
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 19:00, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

My office put a system wide filter on our computers that won't give
me access to b3ta. How dare they!!! The bastards! I'll have to do more work now and will miss most of the things here because being merican, by the time I usually get home this place is dead (got off work early today).

A lot of you will probably be happy to see another of us mericans go mostly away...
(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 17:27, 48 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Right I did a similar thread on /talk earlier but I'm going to do it here as well.
What was the subject of the last gaz you sent/received?

Sent: ANSWERPHONE LEFT MESSAGE ARGHHHH
received: I've got to go swimmings now
(PsychoChomp, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 15:06, 93 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I like Aerosmith but I don't like Guns 'n Roses.
What do you like but don't like?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 14:17, 160 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Why are you lot (women) so un-bloody-grateful?
I'm working from home today (I couldn't be arsed to get up at 6 as our daughter was awake at 4-5am). My OH went out with our daughter (thankfully as she - the daughter - was being a PITA) and I popped out to the town near us.

My OH is off out tomorrow night and I wanted to buy her a card to put in her bag so she can find it and open it when she gets to where she's staying - it's something I do when she goes out or stays away.

While I was out, I picked up some daffodils as, well, they're nice.

I get home and she gets home about half an hour later quizzing where I've been - after much pissing about and questioning I tell her that I've bought something for her, her response? "Why, it's not my birthday or anything". I respond with a "Fine, I'll give it to you now then shall I?"

I get annoyed and stomp off as she's not even acknowledged that the daffodils are for her yet - I, childishly, throw back a "oh, you're welcome for the flowers". About 15 minutes later she does say "thank you for the daffodils"

Annoyingly, this isn't isolated - 9 times out of 10, when I buy her flowers, she never just says thank you - it's always "why" or "what have you done wrong" or equivalent.

Frankly, it fucks me off - why not just say "Thank you for the flowers" and/or accept that when I (or we - men that is) say that "I'm not telling you why I've done x or y just yet" without 20 fucking questions.

I know I'm not alone in this as a friend of mine says that his wife does the same.

I've said this to her every time (just about) she does this and it annoys me - She just won't/doesn't bloody listen.

It's two words. Two. Fucking. Words. Even if you want to quiz me about it.

Thank you - that's all I want sometimes - not fifty fucking questions.
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:42, 52 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

This weekend...
I plan a day out with a new young lady I bought off of the internet, we're looking to go somewhere in the midlands (south) for a bit of a day out - any suggestions?

If that's boring, when was the last time you internet met a lust interest?
(feedingtimeatthezoo day 1 of his bikini diet started, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:02, 91 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Last night.
My flatmate came in with two box sets of Buffy the vampire slayer, which we proceeded to watch for the rest of the evening.

I'm ashamed to say that I enjoyed it, a flashback to my student days.

What are your guilty pleasures?
(Lord RumbleFIsh IV this may or may not work..., Thu 25 Mar 2010, 12:48, 37 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

No moan
In fact I'm in a really good (if evil mwahahaha) mood.

Mainly because annoying gobshit coworker is leaving hurrah *mexican waves* Are you in a good mood? If not FUCK OFF we don't want you negatits (copyright TGB 2010) bringing us down
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 11:06, 66 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

ISP moan

Two years ago I've moved house and wanted to take my Pipex broadband with me, unfortunately they had been bought by Tiscali, the worst company for customer service in the world.

Long story short they were completely incapabale of moving my address so, I cancelled the contract on their recommendatio and took up a new one with Tiscali thus avoiding breach of contract charges.

2 years later I have a debt collection agency chasing me for outstanding payments to Pipex, what a bunch of utter gibbons clunges.

What's your worst experience of customer service?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 9:16, 78 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

The first thread of the morning should be like the first coffee of the morning.
Full of win.

Unfortunately I'm starting it so it will be full of middle-aged angst, with a smidgeon of sexual innuendo.

How is everyone today?
( girlinthehole, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 8:37, 116 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

What the fuck are you doing?
Personally, I'm waiting for the baked potatoes to finish cooking and the chilli that was made last week to defrost.

I'm also nursing a glass of wine and a headache (courtesy of falling asleep on the couch last night and ending up there until this morning) that is threatening to make my head fall off, so the wine is probably not such a good idea. However, the prospect of some codeine phosphate before bed is most appealing. I may still have a headache after taking it, but at least I won't care.

How are you whiling away your evening?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 24 Mar 2010, 20:50, 72 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Holy crap
someone on /board is animated Al!

www.b3ta.com/board/9977438
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 24 Mar 2010, 17:55, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm stuck at work with 45 minutes left of an utter shitbag of a day and need amusing
Or abusing. Whatever comes more easily to you. Go nuts.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 24 Mar 2010, 17:47, 18 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

There are posters all over That London advertising:
www.loveyourvagina.com (totally SFW, by the way).

Contained within is a national study* of what women call their bajingos. What outlandish suggestions can you get on the list, B3ta?

Alternatively - the Mooncup sounds dusgusting. Discuss.

*May not be actual, proper research.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 24 Mar 2010, 15:54, 190 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

It's sexy Wednesday.
What are you doing to celebrate?
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 24 Mar 2010, 14:57, 224 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I've just seen a copy of my new employers internet usage policy,
They may as well be explaining b3ta one clause at a time
(bill, Wed 24 Mar 2010, 14:26, 21 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

MichaelS, Supreme Crow, and maybe a few others...
I mentioned Adam Curtis' documentary The Power of Nightmares in a thread a couple of days ago, and you both expressed an interest. Well, I've found an online version here.

Not sure if it's the full three hours - I've not had a chance to check - but I think it probably is. And it appears to be legit, as well (inasmuch as there's a lecturer here who shows it to his students, and since we're a law school...)
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Wed 24 Mar 2010, 13:56, 23 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I won't be on-line at home for a couple of weeks as I'm changing my ISP.
This does not faze me as I think it will be character building. I'm also planning on giving up booze for a few months, (apart from bashes), which will also be good for me.

What are you doing to show the world what a sanctimonious git you are?
( girlinthehole, Wed 24 Mar 2010, 13:44, 97 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Band that you wish did a bit more, or that you liked at the time and forgot about.
I'm going through old bands that I loved at the time, and finding what they've done since they "Made that single that everyone liked and now nobody knows who they are", or bands that you wish did more but haven't.

- Starrfadu
- Nizlopi
- Speedway
- Semisonic
- A*

I've listened to Dan Le Sac & Scroobulus Pip's latest album about 5 or 6 times now, and it's very disapointing compaired to the first one, in my opinion. They have a few good tracks, but in general it's not very good (in compairson).

* They have one good album, the rest is all expermental shit.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 24 Mar 2010, 13:44, 33 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Hello chaps
I'm turning thirty in a couple of months time and I've been getting quite into gardening. I've torn up my garden and planted vegetables everywhere. I'm even thinking of putting my name down for an allotment. So it would appear that time is biting hard and I've thoroughly left my reckless youth behind.

On the plus side, due to my new middle-aged hobbies, I'm building up some killer guns for the first time in my life. What double-edged swords have you been twatted with recently?
( Kroney, Wed 24 Mar 2010, 12:01, 58 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I think my musical career has just hit a new low
The singer I've been jamming with these last few months has, I'm already aware, dubious taste in pop music. However, she has a superb voice and the songs she writes are good, so I've given her the benefit of the doubt.

I just received an email from her suggesting a cover we could try to fill time on a set we've got to play in a few weeks' time. The suggestion? Christina fucking Aguliliera*.

Trouble is I'd rather not just say 'no,' without at least having an alternative suggestion. Anyone got any ideas for something that suits a slighly sultry female voice but is a bit less fucking contrived?

*_{I won't dignify it by looking up the correct spelling.}
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 24 Mar 2010, 11:47, 98 replies, latest was 16 years ago)