morning

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Tue 2 Jun 2026, 6:53, archived)

hello morning

( vladimir, Tue 2 Jun 2026, 7:32, archived)

Hi

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Tue 2 Jun 2026, 7:41, archived)

Morning.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Tue 2 Jun 2026, 8:21, archived)

Oh, Mandy

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Tue 2 Jun 2026, 9:00, archived)

I have three favourite tracks from the new BoC album

( $$ ✅, Tue 2 Jun 2026, 9:28, archived)

Aw aye?

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Tue 2 Jun 2026, 9:45, archived)

Naraka
Arena Americanada and Blood in the Labyrinth
( $$ ✅, Tue 2 Jun 2026, 9:47, archived)

I like the vocal effect on Father & Son
The whole album's great, one of their best.
(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Tue 2 Jun 2026, 9:53, archived)

I need to listen to it more
but I preferred Tomorrow's Harvest
( $$ ✅, Tue 2 Jun 2026, 10:33, archived)

The only one I wasn't that arsed about was The Campfire Headphase

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Tue 2 Jun 2026, 10:34, archived)

sing this song, doodah, doodah

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Tue 2 Jun 2026, 10:37, archived)

yep same
Constants Are Changing is the only track I liked from that album
( $$ ✅, Tue 2 Jun 2026, 10:54, archived)

At some point I must have dropped my 12" of Hi Scores (mid 2000s reissue) because it's split in two.
Discogs cost to replace is depressing.
(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Tue 2 Jun 2026, 11:02, archived)

^record-breaker

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Tue 2 Jun 2026, 11:43, archived)

Please delete your b3ta account.

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Tue 2 Jun 2026, 11:57, archived)

^upset, online

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Tue 2 Jun 2026, 12:01, archived)

Not as upset as mongychops

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Tue 2 Jun 2026, 12:07, archived)

Nobody in history has ever been as upset, online, as mongy, or ever will.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Tue 2 Jun 2026, 12:59, archived)

Correct.

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Tue 2 Jun 2026, 13:02, archived)

Alright

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 23:12, archived)

alright

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 23:17, archived)

RULES OF ENGAGEMENT - IGNORING THIS COULD RESULT IN BAN
Alt: alright
Also: disease of the day, chikungunya
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 23:31, archived)

not bad
you?
(piss and shit, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 23:42, archived)

fuck off then

(piss and shit, Tue 2 Jun 2026, 7:24, archived)

I'm fine
My ex came down. I lir gave him some of my pills for a headache. I shaved his eyebr off and I'm halfway through shaving his head.
( Smash Monkey 2 Cannot actually train spiders, Tue 2 Jun 2026, 0:25, archived)

alright

( MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Tue 2 Jun 2026, 4:43, archived)

Needy spastic

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Tue 2 Jun 2026, 6:21, archived)

needy from the body heat

(piss and shit, Tue 2 Jun 2026, 7:24, archived)

Never stop and they never die.
They just keep on puffin' how they multiply.
Needy spastics, will they never halt?
If they keep on movin' then it's all our fault.
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 2 Jun 2026, 7:53, archived)

apropos of absolutely nothing, I am thinking about something I read and god knows where, it could
even have been in a newsletter from here, although I don't ever open those any more, but anyway, I read somewhere some advice to EM medics, from EM medics, which is that if you get a call that they are bringing in a farmer, you better get ten pints of blood ready and your full kit for EVERYTHING, because those fuckers do NOT come in unless it's SPECTACULAR
( vladimir, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 12:17, archived)

Ok cool ta

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 12:18, archived)

afternoon, morning

( vladimir, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 12:19, archived)

Hi

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 13:28, archived)

Anyway I guess I'm just reflective about help-asking/seeking bars and lines, and how they are very different, for all of us, very subjective
( vladimir, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 12:19, archived)

I wonder if lots of us are the psychological equivalent of those farmers, anyway

( vladimir, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 12:24, archived)

Everyone on here is an armchair psychologist now. How about introspection. It's a forum. You don't have to like or understand people's motivation.

( mongychops, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 13:14, archived)

at least the limericks stopped?

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 13:30, archived)

the frequency of them has dropped

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 13:37, archived)

and /talk has returned to it's station

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 13:45, archived)

I wonder how long

(piss and shit, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 13:50, archived)

it will go on

(piss and shit, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 13:53, archived)

before a return to rhyme masturbation

(piss and shit, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 13:53, archived)

rhythm is a wanker

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 13:58, archived)

^ Turbo G-spot

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 14:10, archived)

Another bandwagon will roll in. Same as /board used to be. Except without Photoshop

( mongychops, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 13:41, archived)

it's my fault a bit, mongy, I've come back a bit too much and need to pipe down, I'm skewing the tone of the place x
( vladimir, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 14:06, archived)

It's a user generated forum Vlad. Do what you want. As the song goes. Just don't say you don't enjoy what that is tho you'll have all the needy beakers after you. Trying to form their little collective gangs. It's so cute. Needy spastics.

( mongychops, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 14:56, archived)

To the tune of 'Crazy Horses'.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 1 Jun 2026, 15:17, archived)

neeeeeeedy
b3ta.com/talk/8476555
( vladimir, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 15:37, archived)

I enjoy literally everything.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 18:47, archived)

Do you enjoy not enjoying things?

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 1 Jun 2026, 19:08, archived)

does a list of everything include itself?

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 19:11, archived)

really loving the intense hatter/hare/dormouse energy of these posts
*pours self some tea*
*adds a lot of brandy*
( vladimir, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 19:17, archived)

Oh FUCK it I promised mongy I'd pack it in :((((
( vladimir, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 19:18, archived)

Yes, of course it does. The set of all sets is itself a set. As is the set of all sets that contain themselves.
The fun begins when you consider the set of all sets that do not contain themselves, and ask "Does this set contain itself?"
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 1 Jun 2026, 19:39, archived)

And by "fun", I obviously mean "mental illness."

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 1 Jun 2026, 19:39, archived)

Alright, Bertrand Russell

( .Yeti., Mon 1 Jun 2026, 19:44, archived)

Bertrand + Brand
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 20:00, archived)

:(

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 1 Jun 2026, 20:02, archived)

also when you consider the tea set of all tea sets that do not contain themselves, and ask "Does this tea set contain itself?"
( vladimir, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 20:39, archived)

"...and MUCH more to the point, why haven't I been offered any tea yet?"
( vladimir, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 20:39, archived)

oh fuck, FUCK
MONGY I'M SORRY :(
( vladimir, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 20:40, archived)

Well you can have this, if you like.
*offers*
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 1 Jun 2026, 20:57, archived)

Awwwwww :)
thank you
( vladimir, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 21:58, archived)

see, here's the problem with that...
if the list of everything is itself on the list, it creates an endless regression in which every list of everything on every list of everything contains the list of everything, ad infinitum.
Set theory actually has a number of ways to approach or resolve this, but sadly you are too dull to understand any of them :(
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 23:42, archived)

I wouldn’t say I don’t enjoy not enjoying things.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 21:25, archived)

I'm not happy until you're not happy.

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 23:44, archived)

I wouldn't say I feel unhappy exactly...more kind of...listless

( vladimir, Tue 2 Jun 2026, 7:32, archived)

This place would be dead on its arse without you
b3ta.com/board_stats/talkboard-users.html
(Agent Pr1ck llǝɯs ǝɥʇ sʇI ˙ǝɔɐld sᴉɥʇ ǝʇɐɥ l, Tue 2 Jun 2026, 23:18, archived)

:’(

( Cheers Cheers, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 12:20, archived)

sorry cheers
didn't mean to make you cry
( vladimir, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 12:22, archived)

if I'm not back again this time tomorrow...
Two weeks of national mourning, please
( vladimir, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 12:22, archived)

I forgive you

( Cheers Cheers, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 13:38, archived)

awwww ty ty :)

( vladimir, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 14:06, archived)

We'll just bring you back with dark magic. Ancient spirits of evil, transform this decayed form... to MUMM-RAAAAAAAA... OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHH!

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 14:03, archived)

yassssss
*drags self along*
*flutters bandages*
*big grin*
wait sorry that's not a grin it's just the absence of flesh 8-)
( vladimir, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 14:08, archived)

*imagines disappointment of the acute medical team waiting prepped with their full resus kit and 10 units of O negative blood only to be confronted with an organic urban microgreens farmer with a sprained wrist*

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 12:37, archived)

ahahahahahaaaaaaaaAHAHAHaaa pffff
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY 2 CAN CHUNDER, MY DEAR ONE
( vladimir, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 12:55, archived)

"Stand down everyone, we're coming in with a former."
"Don't you mean a farmer?"
"Not anymore, he's dead."
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 13:18, archived)

"A former what?"
"Just a former. He was employed in a factory where they used his body to assist in bending pieces of red-hot steel into the desired shape."
"Oh. Well that would explain the horrific burns, I guess."
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 1 Jun 2026, 13:30, archived)

lols
( vladimir, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 14:09, archived)

good afternoon

( $$ ✅, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 15:32, archived)

alright $$

( vladimir, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 15:37, archived)

yeah, not bad
and you?
( $$ ✅, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 16:38, archived)

alright

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 16:57, archived)

It's apropos of nothing
He says his name is William
But I'm sure he's Bill or Billy or Mac or Buddy
And he's plain ugly to me
And I wonder if he's ever had a day of fun in his whole life
We are drinking beer at noon on Tuesday
In a bar that faces a giant car wash
( MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 19:41, archived)

^ once did a duet with Kid Rock

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 20:01, archived)

He likes to peel the labels off his bottles of bud

( Smash Monkey 2 Cannot actually train spiders, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 20:39, archived)

coz all I wanna do, is touch some bums
and I gotta feeling I won't stop at one
( vladimir, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 20:41, archived)

Obviously not, you said some, not one

( Smash Monkey 2 Cannot actually train spiders, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 20:49, archived)

looks like the sun's come up over santa pedantica boulevard already :)
( vladimir, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 20:51, archived)

I'm a little ray of pitch black

( Smash Monkey 2 Cannot actually train spiders, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 20:57, archived)

8-D x

( vladimir, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 21:59, archived)

"Is he dead?"
"Yes, he's an ex tractor fan."
( Smash Monkey 2 Cannot actually train spiders, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 20:41, archived)

*standing ovation*
( vladimir, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 20:42, archived)

afternoon you bunch of deliverables

( Cheers Cheers, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 12:15, archived)

OH NO I DIDN'T SEE THIS NOOOOOO
Shall I delete my ramble? Just say the word x
( vladimir, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 12:23, archived)

OH NO I DIDN'T SEE THIS OCH AYE THE
(piss and shit, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 20:34, archived)

:)))

( vladimir, Tue 2 Jun 2026, 7:33, archived)

there once was a morning that morninged
etc
( MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 6:10, archived)

Roll on Friday I say . Bored of paradise.

( mongychops, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 6:45, archived)

why is that, m?

( MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 6:49, archived)

I'm a city boy really. Too long in country I get a need for life. Also check out the amount of weed shops in chaing Mai

( mongychops, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 7:01, archived)

morning

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 6:56, archived)

[redacted]

( Cheers Cheers, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 7:45, archived)

Bloody hell
cost of living crisis is a bastard. It's only the first of the month and all the fucking money's gone...
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 8:28, archived)

Maybe you shouldn't have blown it all on flags

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 9:09, archived)

Candles!!!!
Merry candle day!!!
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 9:12, archived)

Blimey there are a lot of them

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 11:30, archived)

his load, you mean

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 12:16, archived)

Whilst jizzing over the national flag is deeply disrespectful I do have a whole drawer full of used spunky union jacks attesting to how easily this can happen.

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 12:41, archived)

^Union Jack-off

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 1 Jun 2026, 12:59, archived)

No that's just gross mismanagement of funds.
This is common amoung the racist bulk-flag buyers.
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 14:01, archived)

Morning

( Smash Monkey 2 Cannot actually train spiders, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 8:59, archived)

Good morning

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 9:10, archived)

Morning, you flaming galah.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 9:14, archived)

alright , Logan's run time for you

( mongychops, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 9:28, archived)

Don't think my knees could handle that

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 11:31, archived)

time for a prostate specific antigen test

( $$ ✅, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 9:58, archived)

Any excuse for a finger up the bumhole, eh?

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 1 Jun 2026, 10:20, archived)

practice makes perfect

( $$ ✅, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 10:35, archived)

That's my default, unless patients can give me a very good reason for NOT undergoing a digital rectal examination.

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 11:35, archived)

Digital? I'd have thought anal-ogue would be more appropriate, ah hahaha ha!!!1

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 1 Jun 2026, 12:11, archived)

In this case, digital means finger.
As in 'hold still Mr Jenkins whilst I digitalise you'
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 12:44, archived)

Thanks, but I did actually know that.
I was exploiting intentional ambiguity for comedic effect.
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 1 Jun 2026, 13:00, archived)

'comic'

(piss and shit, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 13:20, archived)

Thanks, but I did actually assume you knew that but thought my reply would be funnier if I made it look like I thought you didn't.
Maybe we should gaz each other next time so we can coordinate our posts.
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 13:54, archived)

Alright, you ancient bastard.
/ac
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 1 Jun 2026, 9:59, archived)

Good morning

( $$ ✅, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 9:57, archived)

The member once known as McBeef
changed his handle, by deed poll, to Queef.
To explain his obsession
with hygienic transgression
would be neither pleasant, nor brief.

Alt.: afternoon.
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sun 31 May 2026, 13:08, archived)

*throws flowers*

( vladimir, Sun 31 May 2026, 13:38, archived)

Mike flowers? Or the bitter?

( mongychops, Sun 31 May 2026, 13:46, archived)

self-raising

( vladimir, Sun 31 May 2026, 14:54, archived)

Top shelf

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sun 31 May 2026, 17:20, archived)

There once was a fellow named Dyer
Who sounded like Barnaby Byer
There was vaguely a chance
He'd enjoy it in France
But some kid burned his neck with a fyer
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sun 31 May 2026, 13:46, archived)

exquisite

( vladimir, Sun 31 May 2026, 14:55, archived)

Providing a rhyme scheme that’s new
Ends up being tricky to do
Now I wrote this poem
It’s not that mind-blowing
So I made it an acrostic too.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Sun 31 May 2026, 13:58, archived)

👍🏻
this is some great internet to wake up to
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sun 31 May 2026, 14:01, archived)

JESUS FUCK, greatness :)

( vladimir, Sun 31 May 2026, 14:54, archived)

This is superb

( Smash Monkey 2 Cannot actually train spiders, Sun 31 May 2026, 14:56, archived)

Clearly this is the greatest of stunts
Upending the rhyme, back to front
Now it isn’t just sideways
This also works downways
Suitable reading for a bunch of
( vladimir, Sun 31 May 2026, 18:31, archived)

There once was a young man from goshem
Who took out his bollocks to wash 'em
His wife said, Jack,
If you don't put 'em back,
I'll stand on the fuckers and squash 'em
( Smash Monkey 2 Cannot actually train spiders, Sun 31 May 2026, 14:24, archived)

pfffff

( vladimir, Sun 31 May 2026, 14:54, archived)

if we're just doing normal dirty limericks
have a look at my qotw answers
(piss and shit, Sun 31 May 2026, 16:29, archived)

this is literally why I idolise you, true story
( vladimir, Sun 31 May 2026, 16:39, archived)

lol

( MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Sun 31 May 2026, 17:50, archived)

i'm actually impressed

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sun 31 May 2026, 20:13, archived)

I can't see this being tedious repetitive shit ever. Good old queef eh and the fantastic qftw people

( mongychops, Sun 31 May 2026, 16:43, archived)

it'll all be over tomorrow i reckon

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sun 31 May 2026, 17:22, archived)

We could discuss food instead, if you prefer.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sun 31 May 2026, 17:28, archived)

It's been the best thing to happen to /talk in months.

( .Yeti., Sun 31 May 2026, 17:44, archived)

there was an old veteran named mongy
he didn't like shit rhyming songys
he said so - rookie error!
it tempted this fella
to go ony and ony and ony
( vladimir, Sun 31 May 2026, 17:58, archived)

I'm glad that going abroad has chilled you out,
and you aren't getting ridiculously worked up over stupid shit on the internet
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Sun 31 May 2026, 21:29, archived)

You really do like to project on people you don't know. Do you fancy yourself as like an actual Dr of psychology?

( mongychops, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 1:23, archived)

He's got a point, mongs.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 1 Jun 2026, 8:38, archived)

What being a snide cunt to everyone is a point now is it? Brilliant. So judgemental the lot of you. I have my own fun. Not your prescribed fun. Fuck off, sick rik and Karl hysteria wannabes

( mongychops, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 9:49, archived)

lol

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 1 Jun 2026, 10:20, archived)

lol upset

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 11:50, archived)

Dua Lipa’s just got married
Congratulations Mr and Mrs Lingo
( Cheers Cheers, Sun 31 May 2026, 18:16, archived)

*nasal snorty sound*

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sun 31 May 2026, 18:26, archived)

She said 'I dua'!!!

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Mon 1 Jun 2026, 11:51, archived)

morning knobfumblers

( Invisible Wizard - 13th Level Scrote, Sun 31 May 2026, 7:42, archived)

Hi

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Sun 31 May 2026, 7:49, archived)

do you change your name post meridian
- or do you swap to an alt account?
( Invisible Wizard - 13th Level Scrote, Sun 31 May 2026, 7:59, archived)

Both

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Sun 31 May 2026, 8:10, archived)

It's morning time all you knobfumblers
And Limerick-hating old grumblers
I don't know what's next
And so I expect
To finish with something 'bout tumblers
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Sun 31 May 2026, 7:59, archived)

Porky (a devoted knob-fumblr),
- who couldn't be nicer or humblr -
Was LGBT
QIA123,
And posted about it on tumblr.
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sun 31 May 2026, 8:25, archived)

These insults from Mr. Tea may
Be too immature to repay
But just like a child
And dear Oscar Wilde
I must respond "no, YOUR all gay"
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Sun 31 May 2026, 10:07, archived)

I'm with Queef on Lear's shitty limericks
Though first, Eddie Lear's poems were shit
His rhymes were a terrible fit
He'd tremble and quail
And quite without fail
Ed's last line made Lear's poems all shit

Wanker
( Invisible Wizard - 13th Level Scrote, Sun 31 May 2026, 8:30, archived)

Tosser.

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Sun 31 May 2026, 8:54, archived)

onanist

( Invisible Wizard - 13th Level Scrote, Sun 31 May 2026, 10:06, archived)

Morning

( Smash Monkey 2 Cannot actually train spiders, Sun 31 May 2026, 9:04, archived)

There once was a shitty fuck bum
Who bleeding fart drizzle of cum
He piss bollocks wank tits
And cock anal jizz shits
So cunt rectum penis your mum
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Sun 31 May 2026, 10:23, archived)

I love you

( vladimir, Sun 31 May 2026, 10:45, archived)

8/10, needs more spaz.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sun 31 May 2026, 12:55, archived)

There’s quite enough spaz around here already, thank you very much.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Sun 31 May 2026, 13:40, archived)

Hi again wanker's
Just wanted to mention how fucking shit at limericks I think Edward 'the father of limericks' Lear was.

There once was a flebsite called b3ta
Whose posters thought it would be neater
To save themselves time, they'd lazily rhyme
The fucking word b3ta with b3ta

There you go Edward. Christ alive. I have been drinking.
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Sat 30 May 2026, 20:01, archived)

Go to bed m8

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Sat 30 May 2026, 20:06, archived)

morning

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Sat 30 May 2026, 20:07, archived)

Hi

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Sat 30 May 2026, 20:36, archived)

Queefy old bean, you're absolutely talking my language here
( vladimir, Sat 30 May 2026, 20:16, archived)

"that ridiculous person of quantock" and all of that
in his defence, there was no internet then, so you couldn't look up what rhymes with orange
( vladimir, Sat 30 May 2026, 20:17, archived)

(chocolate, duck, yellow)
( vladimir, Sat 30 May 2026, 20:18, archived)

There was an old man with a beard
Who said 'I'm a man with a beard'
He looked at his beard
Said 'that is a beard'
That beardy old beardy beard beard

GENIUS
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Sat 30 May 2026, 20:23, archived)

ahahaaaa

( vladimir, Sat 30 May 2026, 20:35, archived)

no because now you've made it funny

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 30 May 2026, 20:43, archived)

There once was a pattern of rhyme
That did not quite stand test-of-time
In eighteen-something was fine
But by twenty-six, lame
That peculiar structure of orange
( vladimir, Sat 30 May 2026, 20:23, archived)

I've just gnashed my teeth into powder
Thanks m8
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Sat 30 May 2026, 20:24, archived)

:) no worries
there was an old queef of the board
who found reading learmericks hard
his teeth he would gnash
into powder they'd mash
that delicate queef of the board
( vladimir, Sat 30 May 2026, 20:35, archived)

That old b3ta poster vlad'mir
Said crikey, ooh, isn't it queer?
I've paid for a mansion with my top-notch scancion
But wouldn't dare posting it on this tedious and ultimately infuriating internet chat forum
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Sat 30 May 2026, 20:43, archived)

awwwww I LOVE

( vladimir, Sat 30 May 2026, 20:44, archived)

gunt gunt gunt gunt gunt gunt gunt
gunt gunt gunt gunt gunt gunt gunt gunt gunt
gunt gunt gunt gunt gunt
gunt gunt gunt gunt gunt
gunt gunt gunt gunt gunt gunt gunt gunt gunt
( Cheers Cheers, Sat 30 May 2026, 20:21, archived)

🤌

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Sat 30 May 2026, 20:26, archived)

Jacob Dyer, or 'Barnaby Bear',
Whose sojourns were Gallic in flair,
Felt so like a wreck
When some kid burnt his neck,
It's all manifestly unfair.
( .Yeti., Sat 30 May 2026, 20:43, archived)

There once was a fellow named Yeti
Who's banned from the whole Serengheti
For bumming a cow
The people said 'how?'
That curious fellow called b3ta poster and occasionally bizarrely angry person whose nom de plume is Yeti
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Sat 30 May 2026, 21:02, archived)

I like this
and have clicked 'I like this' accordingly.
( .Yeti., Sat 30 May 2026, 21:17, archived)

👍🏻

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 30 May 2026, 22:39, archived)

to be fair to the fat bearded twat
he was an early adopter and innovator outshone byt those who came later
(piss and shit, Sat 30 May 2026, 21:30, archived)

MMMMNEURRGH I AM A GAY SPAZ
IF YOU ARE TOO SEND ME A GAZ
I LIKE GAY SPAZ CUM
I LOVE IT UP MY BUM-BUM
FROM OTHERS WHO ARE GAY AND SPAZ
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sat 30 May 2026, 23:54, archived)

Errr rob said I won this ages ago m8
b3ta.com/talk/5088565
( mongychops, Sun 31 May 2026, 1:37, archived)

whatever became of shitshitshitshit?

(piss and shit, Sun 31 May 2026, 8:43, archived)

Just left I think. Probably happy twats fault

( mongychops, Sun 31 May 2026, 8:57, archived)

rip :`(

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Sun 31 May 2026, 20:11, archived)

(•˕ •マ.ᐟ

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sun 31 May 2026, 2:01, archived)

Hi gunt's
Wot u up 2 lol

Working now, pub l8r, trying a new bbq joint 2moz. Might shaft a shi tzu
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Sat 30 May 2026, 12:47, archived)

"energy", when used like "great reply energy here!" It has to stop.

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 30 May 2026, 12:59, archived)

^giving 'whinge energy' right here

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Sat 30 May 2026, 13:16, archived)

moddddds

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 30 May 2026, 19:28, archived)

Having a fish. Dark now. I've changed methods to a rubber snail. The little fish kept robbing the pellet baits

( mongychops, Sat 30 May 2026, 13:01, archived)

Sorry mate I thought you said rubber snail.

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 30 May 2026, 13:02, archived)

The Beatlezzz

( Cheers Cheers, Sat 30 May 2026, 13:03, archived)

Little yellow rubber snails. Appear to work.

( mongychops, Sat 30 May 2026, 13:19, archived)

micro snailstics are ruining the environment, m8

( MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Sat 30 May 2026, 14:11, archived)

Are the snails rubbery? Yes, they're very nice.

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 30 May 2026, 14:24, archived)

True, many UK places have banned plastic baits.

( mongychops, Sat 30 May 2026, 14:36, archived)

We used to use lead split shot back in the day, I reckon that must be banned?

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 30 May 2026, 14:54, archived)

Yeah lead is banned. Probably late 80s

( mongychops, Sat 30 May 2026, 15:34, archived)

Eccentric old weirdo came into a pharmacy I was working in about 10 years ago
and asked if we had sperm oil, for polishing his gun. We didn't. Turns out he meant oil from sperm whales, which has been illegal since 1987.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Sat 30 May 2026, 16:44, archived)

Weird, I edited that post and it appeared twice. Mods!

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Sat 30 May 2026, 16:45, archived)

LOL sperm

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Sat 30 May 2026, 17:37, archived)

Spunk cetacean

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Sat 30 May 2026, 18:01, archived)

Supergroovalisticprosi+

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sat 30 May 2026, 18:29, archived)

even though the sound of it is something from an ocean

( vladimir, Sat 30 May 2026, 18:33, archived)

say it underwater and the waves will catch the motion

( vladimir, Sat 30 May 2026, 18:35, archived)

Supergroovalisticprosispunkcetacean \o/

( vladimir, Sat 30 May 2026, 18:35, archived)

Splendid work

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Sat 30 May 2026, 19:10, archived)

*big kiss emoji*

( vladimir, Sat 30 May 2026, 19:49, archived)

please describe further
bonus points if beard, peculiar tattoos, unhinged look about the roving eyes, wooden leg
( vladimir, Sat 30 May 2026, 18:23, archived)

sorry, FTAOD I mean him, not you
( vladimir, Sat 30 May 2026, 18:24, archived)

Just old loaded white guy, I'm afraid.
His daughters were fit though.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Sat 30 May 2026, 19:41, archived)

thank you for these details :)

( vladimir, Sat 30 May 2026, 19:49, archived)

must have been all the sperm
oil
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 30 May 2026, 22:35, archived)

micro snail fish-bothering spa
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sat 30 May 2026, 17:43, archived)

Aww, come *on*, guys. :-/

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sat 30 May 2026, 19:03, archived)

sympathy lol

( vladimir, Sat 30 May 2026, 19:50, archived)

^ rubber snail energy right here

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 30 May 2026, 13:02, archived)

The little bastards

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Sat 30 May 2026, 13:17, archived)

But enough about the Vietnamese!

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Sat 30 May 2026, 14:08, archived)

Are you after shellfish?

( Smash Monkey 2 Cannot actually train spiders, Sat 30 May 2026, 17:20, archived)

pancakes with maple syrup

( MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Sat 30 May 2026, 14:12, archived)

Not my thing obviously but have bacon with that

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 30 May 2026, 14:33, archived)

Having a nice dunkel lager rn

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Sat 30 May 2026, 14:33, archived)

Just doing my dad's tablets for the week
Then I get to go home and finish my laundry. Rock and fucking roll.
( Smash Monkey 2 Cannot actually train spiders, Sat 30 May 2026, 17:19, archived)

*hilarious misunderstanding of the meaning of "doing" in this context*

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Sat 30 May 2026, 18:07, archived)

MORNINGGGGGG \o/

( vladimir, Sat 30 May 2026, 5:16, archived)

morning

( Cheers Cheers, Sat 30 May 2026, 5:21, archived)

Hello cheers

( vladimir, Sat 30 May 2026, 9:50, archived)

Yes, just

( mongychops, Sat 30 May 2026, 5:41, archived)

AHH it was this pikey lad.
youtu.be/3Dvn9X7n0VQ?si=RiCgqS0m4F9TY04v
( mongychops, Sat 30 May 2026, 5:47, archived)

I missed the last thread, and clicked that assuming it was a fish identification link

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Sat 30 May 2026, 8:40, archived)

I can only apologise.

( mongychops, Sat 30 May 2026, 9:10, archived)

He'

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sat 30 May 2026, 12:37, archived)

Don't tell him Hedgey

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 30 May 2026, 13:04, archived)

"what's the worst possible professional name you can come up with lol?"

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 30 May 2026, 13:00, archived)

OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS

( vladimir, Sat 30 May 2026, 13:59, archived)

I never thought it would be necessary to tell someone to ease off the happy pills,
but they've dangerously lowered your standards vlad.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Sat 30 May 2026, 18:04, archived)

It's just so lovely to see that Rob has moved on from his 50p ham stage, tbh
and is coming up with such great new material
( vladimir, Sat 30 May 2026, 13:59, archived)

Mongy xx

( vladimir, Sat 30 May 2026, 9:50, archived)

When you’ve lost Milli Vanilli
You’re in trouble.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Sat 30 May 2026, 7:20, archived)

Mime how you go

( Cheers Cheers, Sat 30 May 2026, 9:17, archived)

Girl you know it's poo

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Sat 30 May 2026, 9:25, archived)

Sorry could you speak up, can't quite hear you

( vladimir, Sat 30 May 2026, 9:51, archived)

You know it's true
www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cy02j1n87wlo
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Sat 30 May 2026, 10:00, archived)

Managed one para, refuse to give brain to more
( vladimir, Sat 30 May 2026, 10:10, archived)

Such strong k not reading all that but pleased for you, or sorry that happened, about north american matters now, I note, in myself, haven't felt like that before but now truly weary of them
( vladimir, Sat 30 May 2026, 10:12, archived)

I merely note this with interest, I appreciate it's of little relevance to the world
( vladimir, Sat 30 May 2026, 10:12, archived)

Of the two members of the pop duo Milli Vanilli, Rob Pilatus is the one who passed away. He died on April 3, 1998, at the age of 33, from an accidental overdose of alcohol and prescription pills. He has NOT cancelled his appearance, fake news.

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 30 May 2026, 12:52, archived)

Yes?

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Sat 30 May 2026, 7:22, archived)

Rodosdactylos Youos

( vladimir, Sat 30 May 2026, 9:51, archived)

..but most people just call him George Michael

( Cheers Cheers, Sat 30 May 2026, 9:58, archived)

awww George
( vladimir, Sat 30 May 2026, 10:07, archived)

He really had such a very beautiful, gentle voice
( vladimir, Sat 30 May 2026, 10:14, archived)

Listen Without Prejudice Vol. 1 Is a great album

( Cheers Cheers, Sat 30 May 2026, 10:28, archived)

This yes this
( vladimir, Sat 30 May 2026, 10:36, archived)

Oh god though OH GOD Cowboys and Angels
perfect
( vladimir, Sat 30 May 2026, 10:52, archived)

"in your heart there's a trace
of someone, before"
The sung punctuation is really absolutely exquisite
Such a good example of how the richness of meaning can be revealed in a true, a truly great, performance
( vladimir, Sat 30 May 2026, 11:46, archived)

And then we fade out, lyrics over, nothing left to say. You are watching late night London slide past through the rainrunning window of the taxi. your heart is broken, again, just now, or was it ten years ago, or twenty. Longer. Always ends the same
( vladimir, Sat 30 May 2026, 11:48, archived)

Nah, sounds like the kind of thing I probably wouldn't like.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sat 30 May 2026, 12:39, archived)

pfffffffff x
( vladimir, Sat 30 May 2026, 12:44, archived)

Morning vlad

( Invisible Wizard - 13th Level Scrote, Sat 30 May 2026, 8:07, archived)

Xxx

( vladimir, Sat 30 May 2026, 9:52, archived)

Still morning

( Cheers Cheers, Sat 30 May 2026, 9:17, archived)

Came back from my run to find a half-eaten rabbit by my front door, thanks cat 🤮

( Cheers Cheers, Sat 30 May 2026, 9:19, archived)

So your morning went,
run, rabbit,
( vladimir, Sat 30 May 2026, 9:50, archived)

Guess that means I have to do another run then

( Cheers Cheers, Sat 30 May 2026, 9:55, archived)

:-D
endaxi, endaxi
( vladimir, Sat 30 May 2026, 10:07, archived)

That was me m8

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Sat 30 May 2026, 9:59, archived)

Needs further clarification:
1. Are you the dead rabbit?
2. Are you my cat?
3. Are you some random person who goes round leaving eviscerated bunnies on people’s properties?
4. All of the above?
( Cheers Cheers, Sat 30 May 2026, 10:05, archived)

would be completely incredible and brilliant if morning really WAS your cat's alt

( vladimir, Sat 30 May 2026, 10:09, archived)

Even if not the case, they both share the ability to clean their arse with their tongue

( Cheers Cheers, Sat 30 May 2026, 10:31, archived)

pfffffff

( vladimir, Sat 30 May 2026, 10:36, archived)

ning

( MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Sat 30 May 2026, 10:36, archived)

:)

( vladimir, Sat 30 May 2026, 10:38, archived)

Morning

( Smash Monkey 2 Cannot actually train spiders, Sat 30 May 2026, 10:50, archived)

MORNINGGG :)))

( vladimir, Sat 30 May 2026, 11:16, archived)

Gorgeous day here in swinging Chelsea

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Sat 30 May 2026, 11:50, archived)

hooray \o/

( vladimir, Sat 30 May 2026, 11:59, archived)

Hullo fanny's

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 29 May 2026, 16:26, archived)

Yo. My little nephews ep drops soon. Not for me but fair play to him. Got his producer and label . My brother featuring is lol
jumpshare.com/s/IHqbLA7q6TqLWMGK8Ldh
( mongychops, Fri 29 May 2026, 16:34, archived)

Good luck to him
Not my bag but there's a market for it
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 29 May 2026, 17:44, archived)

Keeps him busy. And off the percs for a bit

( mongychops, Fri 29 May 2026, 17:59, archived)

Yeah not a big fan of whatever genre this is (cockney rap?) but I guess there must be a market for it.

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Fri 29 May 2026, 18:58, archived)

Seems to be. That club in Canterbury with the out break was some pikey rapper gig

( mongychops, Fri 29 May 2026, 20:19, archived)

DJ Clothes Peg

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 29 May 2026, 20:40, archived)

Tougher Than Heather

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 29 May 2026, 21:47, archived)

Where My Dags At

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 29 May 2026, 21:48, archived)

Dangerous Dave The Turntable Modern Slave

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 29 May 2026, 21:50, archived)

Killer Pike

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 29 May 2026, 21:51, archived)

Gipsey Hussle

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 29 May 2026, 21:51, archived)

Thieftie Boys

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 29 May 2026, 21:54, archived)

Surely you mean:
www.discogs.com/release/537378-A-Tribe-Called-Theft-Can-I-Kick-It-Jungle-Mixes

(Shame they didn't call it 'Can I nick it?')
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Fri 29 May 2026, 21:58, archived)

He'

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 29 May 2026, 22:00, archived)

PM Lawnmower theft

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 29 May 2026, 21:55, archived)

Romaneazy-E

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 29 May 2026, 21:57, archived)

Sugar Bear knuckle boxing

Probably getting into 'deep dive' territory here
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 29 May 2026, 21:59, archived)

Rob sheds and DJ EZ Rock

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 29 May 2026, 22:10, archived)

Mantronicks anything that ain't locked down

( broadsword, Fri 29 May 2026, 22:36, archived)

Public Enemy

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Fri 29 May 2026, 22:52, archived)

We’re having jerk chicken!!!! JERK LOOOOOLLL!!

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 29 May 2026, 20:39, archived)

I'm jerking my chicken as I etc

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 29 May 2026, 22:15, archived)

New Boards of Canada is pretty good, guys!

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Fri 29 May 2026, 22:52, archived)

Boards WITH Canada
Thank you
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 29 May 2026, 23:19, archived)

HE FUCKING DIED YOU INSENSITIVE DICK

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 30 May 2026, 0:22, archived)

Now it's just Board of Canada :(

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 30 May 2026, 0:23, archived)

Twoo
www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cpqp8jn89zno
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 29 May 2026, 11:59, archived)

4/7 GONNIE TYLER

( Cheers Cheers, Fri 29 May 2026, 12:11, archived)

GOOCH GOUDA

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Fri 29 May 2026, 12:35, archived)

4/7 - GEOSTORM

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 29 May 2026, 12:12, archived)

I can get the BBC home page, but can't load any stories. BBC sport is 50 % open. Odd.

( mongychops, Fri 29 May 2026, 12:18, archived)

can you get to other uk news sites?

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 29 May 2026, 12:24, archived)

Haven't tried. I'm not that fussed about the UK news.

( mongychops, Fri 29 May 2026, 12:24, archived)

what was that snakehead like to catch then? they sound full-on

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 29 May 2026, 12:29, archived)

Snake head gourami. Not the big eel looking thing. Ive had about ten now, all about 3oz.

( mongychops, Fri 29 May 2026, 13:07, archived)

This , like a perch. Had to rest it in water to get a cloth to unhook the spinney fucker
ibb.co/GQhrjvQm
( mongychops, Fri 29 May 2026, 13:10, archived)

got it, well there are some proper fish big over there, i was reading about it yesterday, the other kinds of snakehead get a lot bigger and fight like fuck
Known for violent surface strikes apparently
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 29 May 2026, 13:16, archived)

In Thailand I'll fish more. This is just passing the time. River island 10m from my door. Be rude not to have a little float fish.

( mongychops, Fri 29 May 2026, 13:23, archived)

get some chinos and a cunty shirt while you're there

(piss and shit, Fri 29 May 2026, 13:49, archived)

I've got a cabin with a private forest, and lake. I doubt I'll see anyone to wear clothes.

( mongychops, Fri 29 May 2026, 14:11, archived)

Is that not a bit risky from a mozzie POV?

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Fri 29 May 2026, 15:44, archived)

I bathe in deet

( mongychops, Fri 29 May 2026, 15:58, archived)

really like the one-of-those-2010s-films energy these words have. the kind that had A Concept and massive promotions and that nobody ever saw
( vladimir, Fri 29 May 2026, 16:46, archived)

Got some steps to sit on too
ibb.co/XrS9bh0J
( mongychops, Fri 29 May 2026, 13:24, archived)

fuck yeah

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 29 May 2026, 14:02, archived)

Poor H

( Cheers Cheers, Fri 29 May 2026, 14:26, archived)

Got killed in prison didn't he, good. Sick cunt.

( mongychops, Fri 29 May 2026, 14:28, archived)

*something about a criminal record*

( Cheers Cheers, Fri 29 May 2026, 14:29, archived)

*something about lively critical engagement*

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 29 May 2026, 17:22, archived)

*something about a tragedy*

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Fri 29 May 2026, 18:49, archived)

3/7 (on the second attempt)

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 29 May 2026, 12:23, archived)

I got 7/7 on my second attempt

( Cheers Cheers, Fri 29 May 2026, 12:46, archived)

liar

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 29 May 2026, 13:00, archived)

2/7 Nicola Sturgeon upskirt pics

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 29 May 2026, 12:39, archived)

Link pls

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Fri 29 May 2026, 12:53, archived)

-Link +The priceless gift of forgetting

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 29 May 2026, 13:01, archived)

7/7 Darren Dayz

( $$ ✅, Fri 29 May 2026, 12:46, archived)

faaaaaaiiivvve!

(piss and shit, Fri 29 May 2026, 12:54, archived)

3/7 a packet of Salt ‘n’ Shake crisps but the sachet of salt is missing

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Fri 29 May 2026, 13:24, archived)

I've had that. It's awful. Here come the dark thoughts again

( mongychops, Fri 29 May 2026, 13:29, archived)

It’s better than if the crisps were missing and all you had was the salt, though.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Fri 29 May 2026, 13:37, archived)

I once got two packets of salt in the bag, best day of my life

( Cheers Cheers, Fri 29 May 2026, 13:41, archived)

No u never m8 dunt lie

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 29 May 2026, 13:57, archived)

chin ee reck on

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 29 May 2026, 14:03, archived)

It’s true, 2Pac they call me

( Cheers Cheers, Fri 29 May 2026, 14:22, archived)

2Pac Salt ‘n’ Shakur

( Cheers Cheers, Fri 29 May 2026, 14:23, archived)

Extraneous B.A.G.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Fri 29 May 2026, 15:45, archived)

Crisp Cross

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Fri 29 May 2026, 18:59, archived)

7/7
London Attacks!

Yay?
( Invisible Wizard - 13th Level Scrote, Fri 29 May 2026, 20:57, archived)

morning

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Fri 29 May 2026, 8:22, archived)

I see

( vladimir, Fri 29 May 2026, 8:35, archived)

New BoC album out 2day, will put it on when I get home

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Fri 29 May 2026, 8:48, archived)

big fan of Mrs Brown's Boys, eh

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Fri 29 May 2026, 8:52, archived)

Oh, huge influence on my online comedy persona

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Fri 29 May 2026, 9:10, archived)

where does that post then?

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 29 May 2026, 11:10, archived)

ouch
( vladimir, Fri 29 May 2026, 11:22, archived)

:'(

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Fri 29 May 2026, 11:31, archived)

Well my first sift got blue öyster cult but not that, boards of canada? will I like. I insist you tell me at once
( vladimir, Fri 29 May 2026, 9:01, archived)

Obviously taking a moment here to appreciate the stone cold genius of don't fear the reaper
( vladimir, Fri 29 May 2026, 9:03, archived)

It's good, but in all honesty, it could use a little more cowbell.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Fri 29 May 2026, 15:47, archived)

Boards of Canada
First album well worth a listen if you don't know them.
(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Fri 29 May 2026, 9:09, archived)

Clueless, will investigate, thank you

( vladimir, Fri 29 May 2026, 9:13, archived)

Oh I like. Pet shop boys but no singing also at the bottom of a well and every so often someone is rustling the inner bag of a box cereal in my ears, + I am inside the box
( vladimir, Fri 29 May 2026, 9:27, archived)

Leslie Nielsen is sampled on that album.

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Fri 29 May 2026, 9:30, archived)

OK but
is that important right now?
( vladimir, Fri 29 May 2026, 9:31, archived)

But don't call me Shirley.

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Fri 29 May 2026, 9:32, archived)

\o/

( vladimir, Fri 29 May 2026, 9:37, archived)

ha! exactly this
in a good way
(piss and shit, Fri 29 May 2026, 11:09, archived)

Yeah, he says it like it's a bad thing

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Fri 29 May 2026, 11:14, archived)

for me, all of those are good things :)

( vladimir, Fri 29 May 2026, 11:23, archived)

Loscil, start with Lifelike
that is all
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 29 May 2026, 12:31, archived)

OH my god
thank you thank you xx
( vladimir, Fri 29 May 2026, 12:49, archived)

Your new Panini sticker album of "Big Oiled Cocks" has arrived and you're so excited you're going to wear it?

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Fri 29 May 2026, 10:03, archived)

100%

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Fri 29 May 2026, 10:14, archived)

+out

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 29 May 2026, 11:11, archived)

love that this is where your mind went, 2 Can, and so easily xx

( vladimir, Fri 29 May 2026, 11:24, archived)

Get in!

( $$ ✅, Fri 29 May 2026, 10:27, archived)

Hullo fellow /talkers

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 29 May 2026, 9:30, archived)

SIEG HEIL!

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Fri 29 May 2026, 9:54, archived)

Wotcha

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 29 May 2026, 10:01, archived)

alright

( $$ ✅, Fri 29 May 2026, 10:27, archived)

alright

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Fri 29 May 2026, 10:35, archived)

Anyone else here playing Daily End Times Bingo? Be sure to mark off "oil price drops amid hopes of US-Iran peace deal" again today.

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 29 May 2026, 11:14, archived)

the wistful feeling of knowing this will all have ironed itself out after a patch that's going to sting quite a bit by around the late 2080s...but we'll all be dead. intolerable not knowing how so many plots are going to unfold, INTOLERABLE
( vladimir, Fri 29 May 2026, 11:28, archived)

I never realised until this year just how credulous oil prices are.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Fri 29 May 2026, 11:28, archived)

crudeulous

( Cheers Cheers, Fri 29 May 2026, 12:13, archived)

made you gasp did it

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 29 May 2026, 12:16, archived)

Coronation Shit
goodnight.
( MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Thu 28 May 2026, 22:43, archived)

lolololol
glad I was here for one of the Great Threads
( vladimir, Thu 28 May 2026, 22:55, archived)

glad i wasn't

( MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Thu 28 May 2026, 22:55, archived)

OH STOP BEING SUCH A MISERABLE CUNT

( MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Thu 28 May 2026, 23:01, archived)

what I want you to do right now please MiseryCunt
is to just close your eyes for a moment and take one deep breath in and then let it out again, slowly, as if you were a cow standing in the middle of the very best field in the whole world, with your hooves sunk into the softest, moistest, greenest high spring grass you can imagine, and your wet snout snuffling the dewy verdancy of the meadowgrowth all around you, it smells sweet and good and of the best of all things, a bright day before you after the winter, all the long dark winter in the confines of the barn, now you're out and under a kind warm blue sky, you think about taking a bite of the blades, and as you bite, you feel a complete acceptance, of everything that you were, everything you are, and everything you will go on to be from this moment, for all of your future moments, flow through you, a bone-deep, heart-deep acceptance, a complete giving-in, to everything that you are. it's all good. you are you, and that is exactly good and right and enough, and always will be
( vladimir, Thu 28 May 2026, 23:23, archived)

this sounds exactly like something a monk would say at a buddhist retreat
i now have reached the 4th jhāna
( MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Thu 28 May 2026, 23:36, archived)

I mean, they're mostly silent, those retreats

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 29 May 2026, 0:05, archived)

ssshhhhh

( MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Fri 29 May 2026, 0:12, archived)

Not when I'm there. Oi oi, party time

( mongychops, Fri 29 May 2026, 1:13, archived)

what did you catch? anything I'd recognize?

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 29 May 2026, 2:23, archived)

They are sort of like perch. Snakehead gourami I think, according to ai

( mongychops, Fri 29 May 2026, 2:46, archived)

they grow up to 12" it says here, is that right? Edit, no, Claude tells lies, snakeheads can be huge, it was bullshit
Shopping list:
Mekong Giant Catfish
Asian Redtail Catfish
Siamese Carp
Barramundi
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 29 May 2026, 2:55, archived)

Up to 12"? Don't tell Queef, he'll spend a fortune on them

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Fri 29 May 2026, 8:04, archived)

you are happy in the retreat
but something is puzzling you
another monk ambles past, leaning towards you then away. a regular sway. their heavy breath, sweet with the meadows, filling the air about you, their feet knocking gently on the flagstones of the cloister as they depart
( vladimir, Fri 29 May 2026, 0:11, archived)

Does a cow have Buddha nature? Moo!

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 29 May 2026, 0:13, archived)

\o/

( vladimir, Fri 29 May 2026, 0:15, archived)

daisy?

( MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Fri 29 May 2026, 0:14, archived)

;)))

( vladimir, Fri 29 May 2026, 0:14, archived)

you try to stop the next monk who passes. you know it's forbidden to talk to the monks, but you have to. please, you say. please, I need - the monk pauses, looks at you with their deep, reflective eyes. Mmmmmmmmm, says the monk. lowers their head again, sways off. oh thank you, you say. yes I see. but the monk has moved away now, not listening to you
( vladimir, Fri 29 May 2026, 0:14, archived)

and you realise, with the quiet changenoise of a small pebble being dropped through the still surface of a lake. glop, goes the thought, into, or perhaps out of, your mind. moonks, you think to yourself. of course, moonks
( vladimir, Fri 29 May 2026, 0:35, archived)

Colonation Street tho

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 28 May 2026, 23:23, archived)

FUCKING HELLLLLLL
pahahahaha
( vladimir, Thu 28 May 2026, 23:25, archived)

holeyoaks

( vladimir, Thu 28 May 2026, 23:25, archived)

lol

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 28 May 2026, 23:26, archived)

bollocks

( MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Thu 28 May 2026, 23:41, archived)

lolollocks it is then

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 29 May 2026, 0:06, archived)

Rearenders

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Fri 29 May 2026, 7:57, archived)

Valid excuse here for wet trousers. The hose to wash your arse is like a pressure washer.

( mongychops, Fri 29 May 2026, 1:12, archived)

afterbowel
/ac
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 28 May 2026, 12:05, archived)

Ricky Gervais's new comedy drama about the aftermath of a traumatic poo

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Thu 28 May 2026, 12:12, archived)

The Orifice

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 28 May 2026, 12:27, archived)

Anal Sextras

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 28 May 2026, 12:28, archived)

Life's Too Shart

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Thu 28 May 2026, 12:29, archived)

The Orifice (anUS)

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 28 May 2026, 13:36, archived)

It Ain’t Half Hot, Bum

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Thu 28 May 2026, 13:10, archived)

Some Mothers Do ‘Ave Bum

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 28 May 2026, 13:51, archived)

Til Death Us Do Fart

( Octo I ruin everything., Thu 28 May 2026, 13:54, archived)

Queefing Up Appearances

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 28 May 2026, 14:26, archived)

Bless this Ass

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 28 May 2026, 14:26, archived)

Only Stools and Horses

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 28 May 2026, 14:28, archived)

The Two Runnies

( Octo I ruin everything., Thu 28 May 2026, 14:37, archived)

Two Liver Birds, One Cup

( vladimir, Thu 28 May 2026, 14:46, archived)

BUTTerflies

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 28 May 2026, 15:06, archived)

The Leaky Lads

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 28 May 2026, 15:08, archived)

One Fart In The Grave

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 28 May 2026, 15:09, archived)

The shIT Crowd

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 28 May 2026, 15:09, archived)

Farter Ted

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 28 May 2026, 15:12, archived)

Blackadder the Turd

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 28 May 2026, 15:13, archived)

Faulty Towarse

( vladimir, Thu 28 May 2026, 15:24, archived)

The Golden Showers

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 28 May 2026, 15:34, archived)

lolololol

( vladimir, Thu 28 May 2026, 15:35, archived)

The Fresh Piss of Bel-Air

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 28 May 2026, 15:40, archived)

Battyflies

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 28 May 2026, 16:07, archived)

Doctor in the Arse

( Invisible Wizard - 13th Level Scrote, Thu 28 May 2026, 17:09, archived)

Absolutely Flatulent

( Octo I ruin everything., Thu 28 May 2026, 17:16, archived)

On the Bogs

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 28 May 2026, 17:17, archived)

Mind Your Latrine

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 28 May 2026, 17:18, archived)

Flush Strokes

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 28 May 2026, 17:22, archived)

Bowels Behaving Badly

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 28 May 2026, 17:24, archived)

Shittle and Arse

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 28 May 2026, 17:33, archived)

Anal and Poos

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 28 May 2026, 17:33, archived)

The Two Jobbies

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 28 May 2026, 17:33, archived)

Colon and Bowels

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 28 May 2026, 17:34, archived)

What We Do In The Cubicles

( vladimir, Thu 28 May 2026, 17:36, archived)

Married at First Shite

( Octo I ruin everything., Thu 28 May 2026, 17:42, archived)

Everybody Lavs Raymond

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 28 May 2026, 17:47, archived)

farts for recreation

(ozof, Thu 28 May 2026, 20:44, archived)

dirty rock

(ozof, Thu 28 May 2026, 20:45, archived)

The Soil Family

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 28 May 2026, 17:43, archived)

The Dung Ones

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 28 May 2026, 17:47, archived)

Never Mind the Bumplops

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 28 May 2026, 17:51, archived)

Have I got Poos for you!

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 28 May 2026, 17:52, archived)

Not the Nine O'clock Poos

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 28 May 2026, 17:54, archived)

Turds of a Feather

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 28 May 2026, 17:52, archived)

Thin Poo Line

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 28 May 2026, 17:54, archived)

Noel's Arse Farty

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 28 May 2026, 17:58, archived)

FartBeef

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 28 May 2026, 17:51, archived)

Bottom

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 28 May 2026, 18:51, archived)

Testing my new set up at lunchtime even for 45 mins, big mistake. Idiot again

( mongychops, Thu 28 May 2026, 12:53, archived)

Mad dogs and Englishmen

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 28 May 2026, 13:49, archived)

Yeah I knew too. It's just I caught, so I thought, hey they are biting. Been in bed since. Nearly 8pm now so I'll try again in awhile. Still silly hot

( mongychops, Thu 28 May 2026, 13:55, archived)

morninh

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 28 May 2026, 6:10, archived)

Cheers

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Thu 28 May 2026, 6:32, archived)

morning

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 28 May 2026, 6:34, archived)

I just caught a fish. Fucking get in

( mongychops, Thu 28 May 2026, 6:50, archived)

Live from the lake, ‘nam edition?

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 28 May 2026, 6:59, archived)

It's more of a river

( mongychops, Thu 28 May 2026, 7:28, archived)

YOU WEREN'T THERE, MAN, YOU DON'T KNOW

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Thu 28 May 2026, 9:49, archived)

Stardew valley or Reality valley?
Either way, well done
( Octo I ruin everything., Thu 28 May 2026, 7:59, archived)

Uncanny

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 28 May 2026, 12:43, archived)

What kind?

( Smash Monkey 2 Cannot actually train spiders, Thu 28 May 2026, 9:29, archived)

you know, those swimmy ones

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 28 May 2026, 12:30, archived)

Lightning much, anyone?

( Invisible Wizard - 13th Level Scrote, Thu 28 May 2026, 7:59, archived)

Very very frightening

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 28 May 2026, 8:21, archived)

Not here, sadly

( Smash Monkey 2 Cannot actually train spiders, Thu 28 May 2026, 9:27, archived)

Yo

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 28 May 2026, 8:01, archived)

Yo Ma

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 28 May 2026, 8:22, archived)

mma so fat

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Thu 28 May 2026, 11:44, archived)

I really hate to say this but although I adore, beyond my capacity to express it in words, birdsong generally, and morning birdsong in particular,
I fear I am rapidly approaching the point at which I consider fetching a well-maintained catapult and dealing with this fucking chaffinch
( vladimir, Thu 28 May 2026, 8:42, archived)

+l
well-maintained catapult and dealing with this
( Cheers Cheers, Thu 28 May 2026, 8:44, archived)

lol fucking what ahaaaaaa
( vladimir, Thu 28 May 2026, 9:00, archived)

fyi it's shut up now, thank you, effective
( vladimir, Thu 28 May 2026, 9:04, archived)

Well, I suppose an effort was made.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Thu 28 May 2026, 11:17, archived)

The birds in my garden have been a lot quieter lately
Possibly because Igor has killed several of them.
( Smash Monkey 2 Cannot actually train spiders, Thu 28 May 2026, 9:28, archived)

Igor no :(
None of us can fight our true natures, though,of course
( vladimir, Thu 28 May 2026, 9:50, archived)

It's pronounced EEEEEgor

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 28 May 2026, 9:56, archived)

you brought me the brain of....Abby.....Normal
( vladimir, Thu 28 May 2026, 10:16, archived)

His true nature is "a bit of a cunt"

( Smash Monkey 2 Cannot actually train spiders, Thu 28 May 2026, 10:17, archived)

pffffff ha
( vladimir, Thu 28 May 2026, 10:59, archived)

Morning

( Smash Monkey 2 Cannot actually train spiders, Thu 28 May 2026, 9:29, archived)

Today, I suspect, is gonna be hayfeverish
it's drugsies time
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 28 May 2026, 9:45, archived)

I put mine down somewhere
And now I can't find them
( Smash Monkey 2 Cannot actually train spiders, Thu 28 May 2026, 10:18, archived)

Evening!

( vladimir, Wed 27 May 2026, 21:48, archived)

Haha, u totes went there!!!!

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 27 May 2026, 21:53, archived)

sory I meant 'they're'

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 27 May 2026, 21:53, archived)

thair

( vladimir, Wed 27 May 2026, 21:54, archived)

wheir on the stay're

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 27 May 2026, 21:56, archived)

right thair!

( vladimir, Wed 27 May 2026, 22:02, archived)

oh christ, now I've done it, said "right," I've summoned him haven't I
( vladimir, Wed 27 May 2026, 22:02, archived)

gonz? i hope so
*edit to get his name right lol. i always remembered it as a 0 not a o
( MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Wed 27 May 2026, 22:23, archived)

awwww I wish

( vladimir, Wed 27 May 2026, 22:38, archived)

genuinely nice bloke, no wonder he fucked off

( MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Wed 27 May 2026, 22:45, archived)

I loved gonz so very much
it says everything that in the epic meltdown someone had, I genuinely forget who, listing in detail everything he hated about pretty much everyone, and gonz was also named in it, in the middle of the relentless flames and vitriol, with "bless you gonz you don't have a bad bone in your body"
from memory anyway something like that
( vladimir, Wed 27 May 2026, 22:48, archived)

like finding a happy little goat grazing quietly in the middle of a hellscape
the goat hasn't noticed the horrors around it
or, we interrupt this flameout for a brief moment of oxytocin
etc
( vladimir, Wed 27 May 2026, 22:50, archived)

except it was followed up with
'Apart from the bone in your brain, you spastic. Were you kept in a fridge whilst the other Jews went to school? Fucking hell mate.'
(piss and shit, Wed 27 May 2026, 22:53, archived)

I hadn't retained that bit!!

wait a minute piss...

who are you? ...or, were you
( vladimir, Wed 27 May 2026, 22:55, archived)

I have been a member for 23 years, 2 months and 4 days

(piss and shit, Wed 27 May 2026, 22:57, archived)

hmmmmmm
*narrows eyes*
*drums fingers on table*
*drums mind on the delicate gaps between reality, the passing of time, who we each think we are and who we each thought we were going to be*
( vladimir, Wed 27 May 2026, 23:01, archived)

member lol

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 28 May 2026, 2:49, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/6208225
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 27 May 2026, 22:55, archived)

!!!!!!!
it's like fucking proust round here these days *weeps happily*
( vladimir, Wed 27 May 2026, 22:59, archived)

I’ll recherche your temps perdu in a minute.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 27 May 2026, 23:02, archived)

dms for this kind of chat pls x

( vladimir, Wed 27 May 2026, 23:03, archived)

god though imagine fucking proust, what a nightmare
at least with the cork walls I suppose the bruising would be minimised
( vladimir, Wed 27 May 2026, 23:03, archived)

Fucking seb, a bigger cunt you'll never meet. Oh soz yeah he worked for a convicted sex pest. He was actually disturbing. Proper nonce . Buying friends online. Free comedy at the George.

( mongychops, Wed 27 May 2026, 23:40, archived)

oh god THAT crowd eeeeesh
( vladimir, Thu 28 May 2026, 0:00, archived)

Him and the hood butters. Hey we are old, come party at our house kids, I've got sweets.

( mongychops, Thu 28 May 2026, 0:44, archived)

Yes, that was Wormulus, aka Sebastian Winnett, the scarf-wearing cockhound.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Wed 27 May 2026, 23:04, archived)

Aardvark has public-serviced us by posting a link, I'm just about to dip it in my tea, Mr. Tea

( vladimir, Wed 27 May 2026, 23:06, archived)

He was spot on about SuperMatt, tbf.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Wed 27 May 2026, 23:11, archived)

who DID you mean then?

(piss and shit, Wed 27 May 2026, 23:09, archived)

garold ;)

( vladimir, Wed 27 May 2026, 23:12, archived)

ah yeah
gay hitler
(piss and shit, Wed 27 May 2026, 23:16, archived)

lolololol

( vladimir, Wed 27 May 2026, 23:34, archived)

thair
- a traditional song, usually a lament, originating in the scottish highlands. First collected in Culpitcher's Book of Thairs (1798)
- to be either reluctant, or frightened; "he knew he must investigate the strange noises coming from the cellar, but he was thair to go in"
- oh idk who fucking cares another word for bumhole will that do send tweet
( vladimir, Wed 27 May 2026, 22:01, archived)

My grandfather edited The Oxford Book of Ballads
No offence
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 27 May 2026, 22:11, archived)

what!!!
tell me everything about this at once I insist
( vladimir, Wed 27 May 2026, 22:12, archived)

His life's work was a 3 volume anthology of Burns
Collector/archivist of Scottish poetry and folk songs. Dryden expert. Editor of shitloads of classic Oxford University Press Austen, Dickens etc. Prof of English Lit at Swansea (where he was the sworn academic enemy of Kingsley Amis according to King-o's diary), turned down an Oxford chair in favour of Nottingham as he believed he'd be fewer restricted and (as my exhausted b3ta pals x sick to death of endless repetition) was the Sex Pistols' expert witness in the 'Bollocks Trial'
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 27 May 2026, 22:31, archived)

OH MY FUCKING GOD
Thank you
right choice on oxon there imo, it's a cunt factory
( vladimir, Wed 27 May 2026, 22:41, archived)

sorry any reading alumns, in my defence, you absolutely fucking KNOW I'm right
( vladimir, Wed 27 May 2026, 22:42, archived)

Dirty old bollocks

( mongychops, Thu 28 May 2026, 0:07, archived)

a o
ad ock
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Wed 27 May 2026, 22:25, archived)

pfffff
grondfother, bollods, :)))))
( vladimir, Wed 27 May 2026, 22:40, archived)

Loose, watery stools
/ac
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 27 May 2026, 14:03, archived)

Afternoon delools

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Wed 27 May 2026, 14:04, archived)

Ain't no doubt, it's plain to see
A loose, watery stool is no good for me
( $$ ✅, Wed 27 May 2026, 14:07, archived)

May I suggest a chair?

( Octo I ruin everything., Wed 27 May 2026, 14:12, archived)

Loose watery stools? Try shitting a chair!

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 27 May 2026, 14:28, archived)

I'm more of a sturdy pouffe man myself

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Wed 27 May 2026, 14:30, archived)

^ prefers an oiled chippendale

( Cheers Cheers, Wed 27 May 2026, 14:36, archived)

ooh get you

( Octo I ruin everything., Wed 27 May 2026, 16:02, archived)

your mamma too
_{and your daddy!}
(piss and shit, Wed 27 May 2026, 16:51, archived)

That’s stuck in my head now
Thanks, piss
( Cheers Cheers, Wed 27 May 2026, 19:01, archived)

*doffs cap*

(piss and shit, Wed 27 May 2026, 20:47, archived)

Try improving looseness by freezing

( Invisible Wizard - 13th Level Scrote, Wed 27 May 2026, 17:06, archived)

Narrow stools tho

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 27 May 2026, 14:27, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/8451276
( Cheers Cheers, Wed 27 May 2026, 14:32, archived)

:)

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 27 May 2026, 14:55, archived)

It's chicken and sweetcorn soup, actually

( Smash Monkey 2 Cannot actually train spiders, Wed 27 May 2026, 14:54, archived)

Potato, potahto

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 27 May 2026, 14:56, archived)

Hiya

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Wed 27 May 2026, 15:06, archived)

shut up you stupid prick

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 27 May 2026, 15:21, archived)

I'll take the sofa,
thanks
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 27 May 2026, 16:19, archived)

Coming out of your arse?

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 27 May 2026, 18:54, archived)

Heres the one thats driving me berserk
Why do only loose, watery stools and horses work
( broadsword, Wed 27 May 2026, 18:17, archived)

..and Trigger made a splash

( Cheers Cheers, Wed 27 May 2026, 18:59, archived)

Oh man I started drinking at work because it was lovely and sunny
but now I've bought a Thin Lizzy promo single from the US for a shocking sum because it has an incredible drum break on it

Why do I always do this
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 27 May 2026, 19:32, archived)

Thin Lizzy r m rn single mag
dr c break stain
( Cheers Cheers, Wed 27 May 2026, 19:37, archived)

Thin
zy Truss
rom orn
single deepfake video
dr b
+-ing
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Wed 27 May 2026, 21:15, archived)

you put a lot of work into this
that's as close to praise as you'll get
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 27 May 2026, 21:52, archived)

Eh, it's no "going to an Asian child brothel with Gonz", sadly.
I fear my best work is behind me. :(
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Wed 27 May 2026, 21:57, archived)

bought a Thin Lizzy promo single from the US for a shocking sum because it has an incredible drum break on it jizzed into my sandwiches because I’ve run out of lemon curd
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 27 May 2026, 21:39, archived)

You couldn't even be bothered to make use of the 'izz'. :(

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Wed 27 May 2026, 21:48, archived)

No, no I could not.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 27 May 2026, 22:54, archived)

GOOD AFTERLUNCH

( Octo I ruin everything., Wed 27 May 2026, 12:02, archived)

D AFTERLUN + GOUDA
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Wed 27 May 2026, 12:04, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/8445333
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Wed 27 May 2026, 13:21, archived)

BALLSACK BOURSIN

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 27 May 2026, 13:31, archived)

I see I'm the lone voice of reason there, "wtvo"

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 27 May 2026, 13:43, archived)

?
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/WTVO
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Wed 27 May 2026, 13:55, archived)

what's the vegan option

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 27 May 2026, 14:25, archived)

, kenneth

( vladimir, Wed 27 May 2026, 16:00, archived)

lolz

( Cheers Cheers, Wed 27 May 2026, 18:58, archived)

It is still before lunch, please adjust your post accordingly

( Cheers Cheers, Wed 27 May 2026, 12:09, archived)

Yes, I probably will be.

( Smash Monkey 2 Cannot actually train spiders, Wed 27 May 2026, 12:22, archived)

Not you again FFS

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Wed 27 May 2026, 12:29, archived)

HellOcto

( vladimir, Wed 27 May 2026, 12:33, archived)

I HAVE LUNCHED SO I ENDORSE THIS STATEMENT

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 27 May 2026, 12:50, archived)

morning

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Wed 27 May 2026, 7:48, archived)

Stupidly hot here today in trang an. No wonder they lived in tunnels till Aircon was invented.

( mongychops, Wed 27 May 2026, 7:56, archived)

Much cooler here today, yesterday was mental

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Wed 27 May 2026, 8:01, archived)

Real feel here was 49c, only 48c now. Getting cold . Hopefully cooling down over the week. Honestly they can spend all the trillions they want but sometimes it's just too fucking hot for foreigners

( mongychops, Wed 27 May 2026, 8:25, archived)

48C?
Jesus.
(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Wed 27 May 2026, 8:31, archived)

Most places have been closed up all day. I don't fucking blame them.

( mongychops, Wed 27 May 2026, 8:32, archived)

wetbulbwetbulbwetbulbWETBULBWETBUUUULLLLLBBBB

( vladimir, Wed 27 May 2026, 9:34, archived)

Humidity is 54% Vlad if that helps. Temp 38c , feel 49c again now.

( mongychops, Wed 27 May 2026, 10:05, archived)

Fuuuuuk

( vladimir, Wed 27 May 2026, 10:07, archived)

My bulbs are certainly wet, eh

( mongychops, Wed 27 May 2026, 10:19, archived)

lolololol *winkface emoji*

( vladimir, Wed 27 May 2026, 10:21, archived)

WANKFACE, more like!!!

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Wed 27 May 2026, 11:21, archived)

open goal and I missed the shot, fml

( vladimir, Wed 27 May 2026, 16:02, archived)

Got a hot date with Betty Swollocks, have we?

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Wed 27 May 2026, 12:21, archived)

fuck

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 27 May 2026, 11:11, archived)

Yeah, fuck carrying an M16 in this shit. Plus gear. Probably hot rain coming too. You can't win a war against people who live in this.

( mongychops, Wed 27 May 2026, 11:15, archived)

Just thinking back, the hottest weather I've experienced was just below 40c and that was really difficult to deal with, 50 is fucking ridiculous

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 27 May 2026, 12:03, archived)

Enjoying a lovely breeze round here
Very nice morning.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 27 May 2026, 8:16, archived)

You should go for a nice march

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Wed 27 May 2026, 8:17, archived)

right ho

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 27 May 2026, 8:56, archived)

Always about the right with you, isn't it?

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Wed 27 May 2026, 9:32, archived)

pahahahaha

( vladimir, Wed 27 May 2026, 9:34, archived)