Rage Against The Machine
Rage Against The Machine is a place where you can view the ragings of a Londoner!

Visit www.rageagainst.blog.co.uk to view the flames and leave a comment if you like!
(jaybax, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 12:10, archived)

*cooks spam on said flames*

( Lonewolf - O R'lyeh? Ya R'lyeh!, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 12:12, archived)

no, RATM was a heavy rock/hiphop kind of angry music band.

they were pretty good as well.
( sex and dougs and rock n roll, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 12:12, archived)

I suspect that was before this blogger was born.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 12:15, archived)

They were also the inspiration behind an
argument with my parents in which I actually said "Fuck you. I won't do what you tell me!"

I suppose it's better than shouting "You got a bullet in yo' motherfuckin' head!"

They'd have been laughing for years about that one.
( Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 12:16, archived)

Not if you had actually shot them
afterwards. That'd learn em good.
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 12:18, archived)

They learned good, all right.


*looks around and checks the patio*
( Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 12:21, archived)

pffft

( sex and dougs and rock n roll, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 12:18, archived)

Fuck you I won't tidy my bedroom
\m/ \m/
( Dekazer, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 12:21, archived)

My god
I've just realised what that \m/ is.

And it sickens me.

But I know that you are using it ironically
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 12:29, archived)

You think?
You still think it's ironic now? Because I'm doing it in real life you know..
( Dekazer, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 12:33, archived)

How wonderfully illiterate.
It makes me proud to be a member of the intercock.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 12:14, archived)

What? An actual Londoner(!)? From London?
Well fuck me with something large and spikey, that's amazing.
( Nimble Colin camera-wrangling, globe-trotting whisky enthusiast, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 12:15, archived)

I have nothing spikey ... will a porkie pie and some apples and pears do?

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 12:16, archived)

pears
( sex and dougs and rock n roll, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 12:17, archived)

playing
the old joanna.
( Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 12:18, archived)

I have know idear waht your talkinfg abowt

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 12:20, archived)

yor all unlittarate
( sex and dougs and rock n roll, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 12:22, archived)

?
who are you talking to?
(jaybax, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 14:45, archived)

COCK-WOMBAT
TWATTING SHIT UP A HORSE CUNNY, YOU FUCK.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 12:24, archived)

Stupid French Azerty key-board
Bleh, Right now i´m in France trying to surf.. but the waves and the weather is shit for about 4 days in a row.. AND THIS KEYBOARD IS KILLING ME .. RAAGHH!!"#Aad .. sorry.. besides that.. this `cyber café` smells funny.. I hope everything gets better or els I start killing people with ´pains avec poisons´ and post pictures of it right here..
(Deus_Ed, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 12:06, archived)

Kill them with loaves and fishes?
Are you the anti-christ?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 12:08, archived)

He's in France
so it would make sense.
( Geordie Al, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 12:08, archived)

You made me laugh so hard that everyone in this room thinks i lost my sanity...

and no i´m not the anti-christ (yet)
(Deus_Ed, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 12:11, archived)

That's no baguette...

( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 12:10, archived)

If Paris are knocked out of the Olympic bid,
run around laughing at pointing at them.

If they do win, run around laughing anyway, they're all a bunch of twats.
( Shoosh up your lips Not state-funded, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 12:13, archived)

I don't know if this is GC
news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/4653423.stm

and frankly I don't care.
( Lonewolf - O R'lyeh? Ya R'lyeh!, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:54, archived)

Isnt it 'orrid
when no one replies ?

*bums*
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:59, archived)

It's ok,
I know you all hate me.

*cries*

*looks for sympathy*

*realises he's on /talk so there's no chance of that*

*accepts bumming*
( Lonewolf - O R'lyeh? Ya R'lyeh!, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 12:01, archived)

I don't hate you
but then I'm a big soft woolly liberal hippy - so I don't think my opinion counts ;)
( Dekazer, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 12:03, archived)

I thought you were out protesting?

( Reid got it going on like Donkey Kong, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 12:06, archived)

protesting knitting free-range organic muesli out of hemp.
( Geordie Al, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 12:09, archived)

I am not
an anarchist - I am a grown up with a job and bills to pay ;)
( Dekazer, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 12:15, archived)

Us liberal hippies must stick together
*munches on organic sandwich*
( Lonewolf - O R'lyeh? Ya R'lyeh!, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 12:10, archived)

Too right, Brother Lonewolf


*munches on Organic, Free-range, Humanely Slaughtered Pot Noodle*
( Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 12:13, archived)

Pfft!
"They try to see ways of using their psychology."
If only I'd completed my degree - looks like I missed out on the ever so important "dragging up" module.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:59, archived)

It's probably a dodgy translation
like the word for psychology is the same for intelligence, or something. Russian has quite a lot fewer words than English.
( Newington, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 12:03, archived)

They're also utterly insane
every last one of them.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 12:05, archived)

*feels superior to Russia*

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 12:05, archived)

I don't know
what I am doing half the time.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 12:07, archived)

In Soviet Russia
such posts feel superior to YOU!
( Lonewolf - O R'lyeh? Ya R'lyeh!, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 12:07, archived)

That's because their crude slavic skulls lack the capacity
for a fully-formed germanic brain.

/josef mengele
mykeyboy
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 12:06, archived)

thats a little harsh

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 12:15, archived)

Have you ever known
Le bon Docteur Shambolic to be subtle?
( Lonewolf - O R'lyeh? Ya R'lyeh!, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 12:17, archived)

only between the sheets

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 12:19, archived)

I guess two and a half inches
could be considered subtle.
( Lonewolf - O R'lyeh? Ya R'lyeh!, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 12:21, archived)

If you are not part of the solution
then you are part of the problem.

*opens train door*
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 12:18, archived)

Or the precipitate.

( Newington, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 12:45, archived)

Does anyone know of any copyright free
type music in the style of Computer Games?

It's for a short film..
(Quatermass and teh Shit, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:40, archived)

Until you improve the construction of your sentences
we're not helping you.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:41, archived)

I'm in bed
and still getting used to the keyboard
(Quatermass and teh Shit, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:42, archived)

Lazy cunt
definately not helping you now
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:43, archived)

Yes.
Or rather, no.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:50, archived)

No
by which I of course mean "yes"*.

*"no"
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:51, archived)

Google for
"public domain mp3 computer" or similar.
(s0WmVHAwZgpG, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:53, archived)

I'm listening to High and Dry from The Bends by Radiohead
And imagining it being sung by Kim Jong-il.
It's suddenly not so depressing.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:37, archived)

Is it about
a frigid woman on drugs ?
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:38, archived)

I'll
is-it-about-a-frigid-woman-on-drugs you in a minute.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:41, archived)

*lubes up*

*waits patiently*
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:42, archived)

*is-it-about-a-frigid-woman-on-drugs you*

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:48, archived)

*showers you with orgasmic juices*


Edit : I've had you, you were shit
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:49, archived)

I don't know it, so I'm imagining him singing High and Dry by Def Leppard.
I made a picture for the real board. www.b3ta.com/board/4851583 . Within five seconds it had been pushed down by a glasscock link and two thirty-second paintmashes. Pah. /spam
( Newington, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:41, archived)

Just don't bother anymore. It's less soul destroying that way.
The bad pun must only serve to re-inforce your sense of indignation I would imagine.
( Nimble Colin camera-wrangling, globe-trotting whisky enthusiast, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:46, archived)

I like how they've already done all the Ancient Egypt puns
so someone just linked to that thread. Efficient.
( Newington, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:49, archived)

That's what comes
of having Dave the Hat around.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:52, archived)

I notice he's changed his name back again
Also - they must have bookmarked the Egypt puns thread. Why would they do that? For future reference?
( Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 12:11, archived)

Ning
I survived my date. It wasnt too bad. She is keen and wants to see me again, I'm not too sure!
( Jobe, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:36, archived)

did you fist her?

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:37, archived)

I've just come

( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:39, archived)

both
fists.
( Jobe, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:39, archived)

Definitely
not a keeper then. Unless you have unnaturally small hands.
( Dekazer, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:51, archived)

Or a cock
like a gorillas arm holding a beachball
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:52, archived)

I was assuming
this was not so.

They're all pretty much the same you know..
( Dekazer, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:54, archived)

Cocks ?
Not having been relentlessly fucked from all angles by a parade of different man meat.....

I wouldnt know
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:56, archived)

But in your vast
and diverse experience of gay porn shirley?

They may all look different in the showers, but once they're ready they're all pretty much the same. Apart from the truly deformed ones of course...
( Dekazer, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 12:01, archived)

I shall bow to your superior knowledge
and assume that all my exes were lying bitches trying to crush my spirit.....
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 12:04, archived)

You're 6'4 ain't you?
I should very much doubt you'd have much to worry about. As far as I've been led to believe little men tend to have little willies and big men tend to have bigger ones. Not always the case from what gossipy women have let slip but a fair rule of thumb.
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 12:09, archived)

pffft!

( Jobe, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:55, archived)

The huge Adam's apple
and hairy hands put you off?
( Geordie Al, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:38, archived)

Don't get too picky now
you're no oil-painting and you're not getting any younger you know.

/your mum
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:38, archived)

pffft!
I think I'll see her again, to make more of a judgement, but I dont actually find her that attractive.
( Jobe, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:40, archived)

Take her from behind
and then you can open your favorite magazine on her back.

/Uncle Fenny's Dating Tips
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:42, archived)

Red-haired girl + marker pen
= doggy-style fun and a free join the dots puzzle
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:50, archived)

You forgot this
+ mockery from general public for shagging a ginger.

I may have secretly wanted to shag a ginger but never got the chance
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:51, archived)

He turned you down?

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:56, archived)

down into a newt.

Yes
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:58, archived)

Haha how true!

( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:52, archived)

Thanks to some unfortunate sunburn during my youth,
anyone who bummed me could enjoy a similar experience.
/no intention of being bummed
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 12:01, archived)

You're knocking 30 now arent you?



/Your biological clock
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:41, archived)

A few years left thank you
and no desire what so ever to produce any mewling kids :P
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:43, archived)

Have you got
anything better to 'do'?
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:40, archived)

Well,
no.
( Jobe, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:40, archived)

And having a girlfriend makes
you more attractive to other top-titty-totty.
String her along until something better turns up.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:42, archived)

would it be
wrong of me to actually do this?
( Jobe, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:44, archived)

Nope.
If she's dumb enough to fall for it, she deserves it.
Otherwise, what she said ^
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:52, archived)

Morning you lot of degenerates
Does anyone else think this guy looks a little like Patrick Stewart? http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/4651831.stm

EDIT: And I've just been given a ticket for tonight's Live 8 in Edinburgh - mixed feelings over this one!
( Fudgebags will wear you like a glove, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:03, archived)

Hahaha :)
Make it so.
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:04, archived)

You're not wrong.

( Newington, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:05, archived)

I'm going to get given my degree by Patrick Stewart.
For all my geeky friends this is a source of great jealousy but I can't see what on Earth is so great about it.

And yes, it does a bit.
( Nimble Colin camera-wrangling, globe-trotting whisky enthusiast, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:09, archived)

My degree anal warts

You're not making it easy for me to stop doing this are you ?
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:11, archived)

No, not in the slightest.
Did I ever tell you about how much I love to stroke puppies?
( Nimble Colin camera-wrangling, globe-trotting whisky enthusiast, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:12, archived)

Did I ever tell you about how much I love to troke puppies have my gaping back passage filled with manmilk?
( Fudgebags will wear you like a glove, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:14, archived)

You are a pale facsimile of Woat and lack his sense of effortless panache.
C-
( Nimble Colin camera-wrangling, globe-trotting whisky enthusiast, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:20, archived)

You are a pale facsimile of Woat and lack his sense of effortless panache love of anal fun.

It was actually my first strikethrough - I just went for it, ignoring the consequences...
( Fudgebags will wear you like a glove, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:23, archived)

Yes
but I ignored you as I was wanking at the time
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:14, archived)

How come?
Have you taken a degree in Klingon Language, from an online university, or is he just an old boy of your college?
/suspects the latter
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:11, archived)

He is a local boy from West Yorkshire
so Huddersfield made him Chancellor. I think I might tell him that I vehemently dislike both Star Trek and X-men. As opposed to all the comedians that want to say "make it so"
( Nimble Colin camera-wrangling, globe-trotting whisky enthusiast, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:14, archived)

Science fiction aside,
you do realise that he's one of the finest actors of his generation? His sci-fi work is so popular, as (in my opinion) he adds a sense of gravitas to some otherwise silly proceedings.

For me, his finest works have been Dad Savage (line dancing gangster) and Gunmen (wheelchair bound and buried alive).

When he presents you with your degree, ask him how many lights he can see.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:19, archived)

He was in Excaliber
too, which I liked but totally understand if everyone else thinks is shit.
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:21, archived)

I love Excalibur
but blink and you'd miss Paddy's contribution.

Liam Neeson is in it too, as a lashed up knight
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:24, archived)

Fascinating.
Do go on...
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:28, archived)

*goes on*
*Whittles knife blade from the whitening shin bone of your dead grandmother*
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:31, archived)

It's not my fault if all the good actors choose to star
in things I couldn't give a flying fuck about. I mean, did he ever even think to ask me if I might like hime to do something else?
( Nimble Colin camera-wrangling, globe-trotting whisky enthusiast, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:22, archived)

he's also an accomplished Shakespearean actor
and he did very well on Top Gear too ;)
( Jadeviper was still alive on, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:23, archived)

on in
Top leather
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:25, archived)

Tell him how much you enjoyed his portayal of Othello,
and his one man version of Who's Afraid Of Virginia Woolf. It'll probably make a nice change from "make it so".

Oh, and it's your own fault for not liking Star Trek - every man in the entire world likes Star Trek.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:25, archived)

But if you said that to him
he might try and bum you.

Up the hairy man bum with his big, bald sweaty sci fi willy.

That probably goes "SWOOOSH" when it erects like the doors on the Enterprise.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:28, archived)

I wish mine did that.
No, really, I do.

"Make it so!"
*swoosh!*
"Launch photon torpedo!"
*bums*
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:31, archived)

I wish mine
made a noise like a TIE fighter when it spluffed.

I think that would be great.

And it would echo if you were bumming someone with a big, baggy bumhole.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:33, archived)

At least that would drown out
the sobs of frightened children.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:37, archived)

please don't make me giggle
when I'm in this much pain
( Jadeviper was still alive on, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:33, archived)

*tickles*

( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:34, archived)

don't touch my skin!!
it hurts all over :'(

I'm going back to bed for a bit, I'm feeling really crap again
( Jadeviper was still alive on, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:35, archived)

When I first got my laser spirit level,
I was tempted to stick it on my head, and walk around the house, proclaiming to be Locutis of Borg. If I'd married a more geeky woman, I'd have probably had sex with her, repeatedly announcing that "resistance is futile."
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:36, archived)

I'd rather get to meet Michael Gambon.
At least he doesn't have the geek factor.
( Nimble Colin camera-wrangling, globe-trotting whisky enthusiast, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:29, archived)

I walked past Michael Gambon in the street, once.
I wanted to say hello, but he looked very fierce (he and his assistant were bickering about feeding the parking meter), so I left him alone. No one else in the group I was in had any idea who he was - bloody philistines!
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:34, archived)

If it were the day before my penultimate one on b3ta
I'd be trying to be a bit more interesting.

But you go ahead with this stuff.

It suits you.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:23, archived)

I could pretend to violate your anus,
but it's just soooooo passé.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:27, archived)

That's not how you spell pissy.

( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:27, archived)

'uddersfield, eh?
I went for a teaching job at his old school. My mate was sending me up his Star Trek stuff to get signed the day of my interview, as if i) he would be there; ii) it would be appropriate during an interview to ask for signed DVD boxsets.
( Rev. A-MOL is lurking around these parts again, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:13, archived)

my mum won tickets off the radio last night
but she really struggled to get into town this morning to pick them up - still a fair few rioters apparently. my sister and her bloke are going too. we were offered tickets but didn't fancy it. BBC Scotland are broadcasting it live now anyway
( Jadeviper was still alive on, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:11, archived)

I saw these "rioters" on TV this morning
and if I were a cynic I'd say they were just a bunch of local chav cunts using the situation as an excuse to throw things at the police and get away with it.

Some of them looked about 12.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:12, archived)

Yeah that's the thing
I'm travelling through from Glasgow.Don't know what the atmosphere wil be like with all the rioters and stuff.
( Fudgebags will wear you like a glove, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:12, archived)

apparently
they've blockaded Stirling today to prevent people getting to Gleneagles
( Jadeviper was still alive on, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:14, archived)

That's what I've heard
It makes me bloody furious. bloody rioters..


/anger blog
( Fudgebags will wear you like a glove, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:16, archived)

If you really want
you could try flying a passenger plane to Gleneagles, then try and park as close as you can to the meeting hall.
( Rev. A-MOL is lurking around these parts again, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:16, archived)

I've heard
that they even send up a few fighter planes to welcome you there and make sure you land safely.
( Fudgebags will wear you like a glove, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:17, archived)

Lots of my
friends have tickets, but I don't think I could bear being that close to McFly and Jamie Cullum.
( Dekazer, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:14, archived)

Mo''ng
As if it wasnt bad enough that I'm in a mood, the company have decided we all have to gather at 12.46 to watch the Olympic decision thing together.

Cunts.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:56, archived)

Well
at least you won't be working.
( Zuowan, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:58, archived)

Like I would have been anyway.....

( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:02, archived)

Come try my job for a week
Then you'll stop your complainin'.
( Zuowan, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:11, archived)

*massages inappropriately*
feel any better?
( Jadeviper was still alive on, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:58, archived)

Much : )
Sounds like you're not better tho.

Are they still closing up ? (Tonsils to all you smut vending dirtmonkeys out there)
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:04, archived)

www.b3ta.com/talk/620200
( Jadeviper was still alive on, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:08, archived)

I had Quinsy about 10 years ago.
You dont want that.

*puts hug in storage for when you're better*
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:09, archived)

I want to be better right now
I'm fed up with this :'(
( Jadeviper was still alive on, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:12, archived)

Quinsy Quincy.
( Geordie Al, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:13, archived)

ncy Gon-Jinn
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:16, archived)

mmmmmm
that's Liam Neeson isn't it?
( Jadeviper was still alive on, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:19, archived)

Chasing a load of chickens
around a barrel.
( Geordie Al, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:21, archived)

Point out that you'd love to attend,
but unfortunately have some real work to be getting on with.

What kind of fuckwitted company do you work for?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:59, archived)

The Olympic Bid Committee

( Geordie Al, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:00, archived)

Arf
:)
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:01, archived)

It's a trick.
They are actually sending you to the moon to build a secret base for the CEO.
( Geordie Al, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:00, archived)

*checks own itinerary*

*"Weds pm: go to moon to build a secret base for CEO"*

Who's up for a m00n b3ta b4sh?
( Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:01, archived)

Only if you work for
a pub or kebab van. With a lot of ambition.
( Geordie Al, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:03, archived)

*snigger*
Nothing like a group experience of rejection and failure to bond a team.
( Dekazer, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:00, archived)

of rejection and failure to bond a team
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:03, archived)

Talking of which
I'd advise against playing Question of Scruples with your new housemates lest they decide you're a deeply dishonest sexual deviant*. Ho hum.



*ok so they were half right
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:07, archived)

Question of Scruples?
not come across this....
( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:08, archived)

I only played it once before
about 9-10 years ago. Brilliant game, unfortunately this lot had got it from a charity shop so no rules. Basically you have moral dilemma cards that you pose to someone and then you decide how they'll answer. Don't think it's still made unfortunately.
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:11, archived)

Better
they find out sooner than later I always say :D
( Dekazer, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:08, archived)

Oh my god im getting disgusting images!
Stop it!
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:09, archived)

To quote you
"you love the filth" and tbh I am still kind of on best behaviour...
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:13, archived)

:S
With who? b3ta? Your new housemates? Me?

*crosses fingers*
( Dekazer, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:15, archived)

As if I'd elaborate.

( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:19, archived)

Hahahaha
Now he's coy.. ;)
( Dekazer, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:29, archived)

If we were after a group experience of failiure
I'd rather we all stripped off and went for DVDA on the receptionist.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:05, archived)

DVDA?
TGMTFH!
*squints*
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:10, archived)

Ha
I got a questionaire through from the Depart of Defense Vetting Agency (or similar) - DDVA, so close!
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:12, archived)

Are you sure it wasnt the
Department of Doggers Vetting Agency that you were applying to ?
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:17, archived)

Curse my masturbation-addled eyesight!

( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:19, archived)

My nose seems to be producing
excessive amounts of snot.
I can feel it running down my throat.
My nose isn't running though.
What's that all about?
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:48, archived)

Rub your face
on your cheekbones, the bony bit at the top of your nose, temples and on your forehead above your eyes. Use two fingers together in a small circular motion. Be firm, but not so hard that it's uncomfortable.

You will eventually feel a sort of release. Your nose will probably start running after a couple of minutes.
(s0WmVHAwZgpG, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:51, archived)

For some reason, I found reading this very calming...
Almost zenlike...
( debar - Lord High Expositioner, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:53, archived)

Late reply here,
but yes, it's extremely relaxing, especially when someone else does it for you.
(s0WmVHAwZgpG, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:09, archived)

That is the worst description
of how to wank I have ever read.

Get the horn, rub it up and down, you'll feel better.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:54, archived)

now here's a question
can a bloke be horny without having the horn? can you try and wank before your bits are ready?
( Jadeviper was still alive on, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:58, archived)

I've heard yes.
But I don't know.

/always has the horn
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:00, archived)

well you're
a filthy pervert b3tan filthy pervert
( Jadeviper was still alive on, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:03, archived)

Pretty much.
Give it a bit of gentle encouragement, and it'll usually rise to the occasion.
However, closed eye wanks, are often rather unsatisfying.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:15, archived)

Like
smoking with your eyes shut?
( Dekazer, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:16, archived)

This poem doesn't rhyme.
Rubbish!
( Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:52, archived)

It's produced in your bracchia isn't it?
*casts mind back to S Grade biology*

/can't quite remember what bracchia are
( Newington, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:57, archived)

aren't they the little twiddly bits
on the outer edges of your lungs?
( Jadeviper was still alive on, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:59, archived)

Those are nipples.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:05, archived)

twiddling my nipples
makes my legs collapse, not unlike those little elasticated toys with the push-up button in the base
( Jadeviper was still alive on, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:09, archived)

*walks arround for a bit*

( Mornington Crescent Come the Envolution ..., Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:15, archived)

They're a sort of pasta.
Probably.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:01, archived)

Fucking school sports.
I just came last at discus. I fucking hate sports.
(NPC, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:30, archived)

Your discus ineptitude
is going to severely hinder your future job prospects, take it from me.
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:31, archived)

Hurling disks a very long way is a vital life skill
I fear for your future
( comrade yannovski and then, of course, there was the schnapps monkey, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:32, archived)

discus?
that's just concrete frisbee isn't it? we didn't do that at my school
( Jadeviper was still alive on, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:32, archived)

Commoner
Bet you didn't even play Lacrosse did you ;)

'Ning all :D
( Dekazer, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:39, archived)

all I know about lacrosse
I learned from Enid Blyton

'ning you
( Jadeviper was still alive on, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:43, archived)

We never
got jam sandwiches and ginger beer afterwards :(
( Dekazer, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:48, archived)

I can't remember what they did at St Clare's
but it took me years and years to work out what a lacrosse stick could possibly look like given the descriptions of the game
( Jadeviper was still alive on, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:51, archived)

:D
Useless bloody sport. At least my years of rowing will equip me to get somewhere useful next time I am stuck on a lifeboat in the middle of the sea!
( Dekazer, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:55, archived)

Ning you
www.b3ta.com/talk/620196
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:57, archived)

£5-10????
I'll start charging you if you're not careful.
( Dekazer, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:03, archived)

I've got some loose change.

( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:05, archived)

Leave it on
the table, there's a poppet.
( Dekazer, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:07, archived)

Ning... Not been arrested yet?
Lax is one of the most psychotic sports ever invented. Great fun!
( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:43, archived)

Not arrested not attacked by
marauding anarchists. They're a fairly feeble bunch..

You ever tried Shinty? Now that's psychotic :D
( Dekazer, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:49, archived)

*shudder*
now I have a terrifying mental image of angelaandalison playing that... I bet they did too
( Jadeviper was still alive on, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:52, archived)

I saw you more as a polo player

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:44, archived)

Actually I rowed in the First XIII
I can crack walnuts with these thighs.
( Dekazer, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:45, archived)

Rowers are always lezzas
:)
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:46, archived)

It was a gels'
school. We all pretended to be lezzas at one point or another.

/trendy
( Dekazer, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:47, archived)

Oh i bet there was experimentation...

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:51, archived)

careful
she can crack bollocks with her thighs
( Jadeviper was still alive on, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:48, archived)

My dick is huge

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:49, archived)

thats ok
so are your bollocks

Edit: Arf.
( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:52, archived)

I don't intend
to take my thighs anywhere near any of Mykey thangyewverymush.
( Dekazer, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:56, archived)

Thats good cos i dont intend to let you:)
Not till you shave your legs at least
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:57, archived)

*plaits*

( Dekazer, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:59, archived)

It looks like she's got
Gimli in a scissor lock...
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:09, archived)

could have been worse..
you could have been hit by a bus
(icedragon, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:33, archived)

Don't worry
in ten years you'll be in a respectable white-collar job, while all those bigger boys who can find no way to express themselves but through physical competition will be olympic athletes on million-pound sponsorships.
( Newington, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:33, archived)

Arf :)
who can find no way to express themselves but through physical competition will be olympic athletes on million-pound sponsorships. will be signing on and spend their days pushing around their litter of near-inbred progeny and lamenting the fact their track-suit wearing wife's arse has swollen to the size of a small moon.

/wishful thinking maybe
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:36, archived)

Well,
the best-at-PE boy from my year at school is now captain of a Scottish Premiership team.

So I see your point.
( Newington, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:38, archived)

I was 9th best in my year at athletics
(out of 350) when I was 16. and now look at me.
( Jadeviper was still alive on, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:40, archived)

*considers Scotsman ever winning a sporting event*
*laughs self silly*
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:41, archived)

Bear in mind he was only competing with other Scotsmen.

( Newington, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:42, archived)

Is that an analogy for people arguing on the interweb?

( Nimble Colin camera-wrangling, globe-trotting whisky enthusiast, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:43, archived)

Aww, bless.
I think it's sweet that they let them have a go.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:44, archived)

CURLING!
one off..

Pfffft. Must not laugh at own jokes. Must not laugh at own jokes..
( Dekazer, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:51, archived)

If it's any consolation
the rubbishest-at-sport from my school is now a multi millionaire rock star.

(I've never really grasped the meaning of "consolation")
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:42, archived)

who's that then?

( Jadeviper was still alive on, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:44, archived)

richard ashcroft
(strictly speaking he wasn't the shittest ... that was for comedy effect) (and one of the other verve blokes whose name I've forgotten was a very decent rugby player)
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:49, archived)

He drank in
my old local for a while. Seemed a decent enough sort. Bit depressing though ;)
( Dekazer, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:52, archived)

They were all fairly chirpy teenagers
I blame rock'n'roll.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:58, archived)

Meatloaf?

Nana Miskouri?

Stephen Hawking?
( Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:51, archived)

*starts /board text meme import*
Thats no moon...

*ends /board text meme import*
( comrade yannovski and then, of course, there was the schnapps monkey, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:38, archived)

But remember

it matters not, who won or lost, but how you play the game.

/bottom
( diffy maybs, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:35, archived)

Ah so you mean I won then?

/bottom
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:36, archived)

Well er yes
well yes, if it means so much to you, than yes, yes you did win

shit shit shit, vd, vd, vd, why do i bloody lose everything, always

so you think your good at games do you big boy, well what about a real game, a game of the great big minds, the clash of the titans

/bottom

may be a few words wrong, over to you
( diffy maybs, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:42, archived)

Hehe
close enough for me!
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:55, archived)

That was never much consolation to me
I always lost and played terribly.
( Newington, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:39, archived)

me too

but it's what I tell my daughter

"It doesn't matter who wins, it's the taking part that counts"
( diffy maybs, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:46, archived)

But that's not true.
It doesn't matter who wins, and taking part doesn't count... gah, I suppose they have to learn for themselves.
/not a parent
( Newington, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:48, archived)

When I have children,
I will happily write them notes, excusing them from any sort of PE classes. Every week, if I have to.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:36, archived)

Hmmm
You don't want socially incomplete children. Being ridiculed for lack of skill in completely unnecessary activities is part of growing up. How else are they going to develop a decent sense of bitterness towards all mankind?

Seriously, I'd be worried about my kids' social development if they never got bullied.
( Newington, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:46, archived)

Yes, you're right.
If I'm not careful, I'll have children who have a sense of self-worth. Probably best that I beat them on a regular basis.



THWACK!
"Daddy, please stop!"
THWACK!
"Sorry, son, but you've got to build character somehow. Now, hop into the shower, and I'll ridicule your genitals..."

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:50, archived)

Hmmm
But I'd want them to be worth something to themselves, not not have to care about self-esteem because everyone else likes them...
Oh, it's all complicated.
( Newington, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:52, archived)

Oh yes, that's all well and good,
but it's not easy to feel good about yourself when your cock is being mocked by a bunch of 12 year olds with chin stubble.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:56, archived)

and that was only last week
sorry ;)
( Jadeviper was still alive on, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:01, archived)

Pfft!
My voice didn't break, until after I turned 18, so school was never much fun for me.
/self pitying blog
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:02, archived)

I had the opposite problem
being a C cup by the time I was 11. not being particularly bra-efficient by that age I always had to ask to go to the toilet to put it back on when the horrible wee shites in my class undid it
( Jadeviper was still alive on, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:05, archived)

Nice.
Still, we're all thoroughly well adjusted, productive members of polite society now, aren't we?
*skives like his life depended on it*
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 11:08, archived)

Take up kendo.
Beat other discusoteers with stick.
Stamp on their faces.
Claim victory.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:36, archived)

If that is the worst thing that happens to you today, be thankful.
It is an utterly pointless sport and not even as entertaining as the other pointless ones (javelin etc) to spectate.
( Nimble Colin camera-wrangling, globe-trotting whisky enthusiast, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:38, archived)

javelins definitely have a point.
it's the big spikey bit at the front that enables them to stick in the ground where they land
( Jadeviper was still alive on, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:41, archived)

I can't slap you so I'll just glare in your general direction.
*glares*
( Nimble Colin camera-wrangling, globe-trotting whisky enthusiast, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:42, archived)

Arf!

(s0WmVHAwZgpG, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:44, archived)

flid

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:43, archived)

The world has gone nuts again!
I mean - teaching kids about Discos as part of their educational experience? What are they going to learn?

How to stand on opposite sides of the room according to gender?

Optimum hand-on-arse moment (Slow Song Etiquette)?

How to spot a person 'in your league'?
( Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:47, archived)

I wish I'd learned.

( Newington, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:49, archived)

Its a long shot...
But is anyone going to be in nottingham tonight and want to go see funeral for a friend?
ive got 2 tickets spare and they're only going to go to waste so if anyone wants them...
(icedragon, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:26, archived)

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEMO
Very kind offer, but I shall respectfully decline.
( comrade yannovski and then, of course, there was the schnapps monkey, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:28, archived)

I saw them last year or so
supporting Maiden. they were a bit shite live tbh. I like the stuff they released as singles (apart from the drummer's "vocals") but the rest of it was a bit meh.
( Jadeviper was still alive on, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:28, archived)

You have tickets
to a friends funeral?
And you are giving them away?
Some friend.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:28, archived)

Only because eBay
got told to withdraw them
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:29, archived)

My brother likes them...
Therefore I hate them and want them to do painfully, preferably by being strangled by their own underwear.
(NPC, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:29, archived)

do painfully?
you are Officer Crabtree aicmcf
( Jadeviper was still alive on, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:31, archived)

Funeral For A Friend
is a great track, leading, as it does, into Love Lies Bleeding. Classy stuff.

So it's a shame, then, that I've no idea what you're on about.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:29, archived)

what the fuck
is going on?!

since 8 in the morning the cunts next door have had a fucking petrol driven pressure washer going.

it's about 20 times louder than my generator.
( cheesebread at the third stroke, hammertime will be, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:22, archived)

harsh.
why dont you go out and ask them to clean your car while they're at it?
(icedragon, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:24, archived)

they'd strip
the paint off :(

and I'd feel obliged to get into a 3 against 1 punch up :\
( cheesebread at the third stroke, hammertime will be, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:28, archived)

I think you answered your own question there
What the fuck is going on?

It would seem that since 8 in the morning the cunts next door have had a fucking petrol driven pressure washer going, and it's about 20 times louder than your generator.
( diffy maybs, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:25, archived)

i no!
wtf iz go'n on?!
( cheesebread at the third stroke, hammertime will be, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:29, archived)

was hoping to see you this morning. A quick post then I must be off again
www.flickr.com/photos/justmike/

I may have access to a turntable this weekend, so will transfer to tape, then mp3, then post it here for you (if you haven't already got a copy)
( just mike, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:33, archived)

Feckin eBay
is toss. People keep out bidding me :/

Anyone got a Belkin 802.11g Cable/DSL router they want to get rid of?
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:12, archived)

No sorry
where is the parcelforceman? I hate having to stay in waiting for him when I know he is not going to turn up
( Giant bunny jumping out like a large happy tourettes rabbit, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:14, archived)

you're STILL waiting???
can you get compensation?
( Jadeviper was still alive on, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:17, archived)

A sound kick in the fuck
is what the parcelforce men are going to get if they don't get this delivery date right
and should they try this oh we turned up but noone was in thing again...there will be trouble
I fucking hate waiting in
I have things to do
( Giant bunny jumping out like a large happy tourettes rabbit, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:19, archived)

I bet he doesnt bring his wrench either

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:20, archived)

*sad*

( Giant bunny jumping out like a large happy tourettes rabbit, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:23, archived)

*offers shiny thing*

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:23, archived)

but it's not my camera!

( Giant bunny jumping out like a large happy tourettes rabbit, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:26, archived)

ja!
das parcelforcemann - er hat dein sheisse!
( cheesebread at the third stroke, hammertime will be, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:24, archived)

*not amused face*

( Giant bunny jumping out like a large happy tourettes rabbit, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:26, archived)

I'm Spartacus
and so is my wife.

Or 'no'.

Or, rather, I don't think so.

Is it a type of space-craft?
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:14, archived)

Yes
made by the Correlian ship builders and armed with 2 partical cannons and a tactical blamonge launcher.
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:18, archived)

mmmmm
tactical blancminge...
( Jadeviper was still alive on, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:20, archived)

An Albino Lady Garden?


Morning all
( Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:26, archived)

Yay!
Now name the game:
"Yes! I did it! That's £200 for me!"
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:20, archived)

Trivial Prostitution?

Crack Dealing - The Board Game?
( Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:27, archived)

Nope.
Operation.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:29, archived)

Nope, but does anyone have
one of these going cheap? ;)
( King Ralph is drunk, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:21, archived)

No but I have this
one going spare if it's any use?
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:25, archived)

Sadly no use to me,
oim on cable broadband (or I will be when I move back to London).
( King Ralph is drunk, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:27, archived)

This is my current problem as well.
Oh well!
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:28, archived)

Aren't Belkin a budget brand anyway?
*quick google*
£83.95?! Fucking swizz! They're only $80.99 (roughly half the price!) direct from Belkin themselves - would it be worth your while importing one from the US?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:22, archived)

I can get one brand new from Ebuyer*
for about £45 I was just hoping I could get one off Ebay for £20 odd.


* www.ebuyer.com/customer/products/index.html?action=c2hvd19wcm9kdWN0X292ZXJ2aWV3&product_uid=45621
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:23, archived)

Was worth a try, I suppose.
Could you do without one for a few weeks, until you're on a better financial footing?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:26, archived)

Not sure yet
if NTL can get the broadband access into my room then I won't even need it (for now anyway). If they just wire up the front room then I'll want it asap.
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:28, archived)

Several metres of cable,
nailed to the skirting board and run up the stairs (or wherever), and Bob's your uncle!

/monster munch's low-tech solution
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:32, archived)

I'd do this happily
but I live with girls now :/

Bloody tampons left floating in the toilet so far: 1
Metres of CAT5 running about the place: 0

Bah!
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:34, archived)

Vibrators
are a rich source of electrical components. Nick the cables from their hairdryers (and ladyshaves), and I'm sure you could knock something up.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:39, archived)

*sob* here follows my continuing illness saga
I'm just back from the doctors because I've started having side-effects from the penicillin (kidney pain, laryngitis, abdominal pain, skin sensitivity and chills) and my tonsils are getting worse rather than better. She pointed out that I now have an eye infection too. So I now have antibiotic eyedrops and she's changed my penicillin tablets for syrup and gave me ibuprofen syrup because my tonsils are so swollen I can't swallow tablets now. I've to go back on Friday if there's no noticable improvement cos I'm at risk of developing quinsy.

I need a hug :( but gently so you don't touch my skin
( Jadeviper was still alive on, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:05, archived)

*hugs gently*
Right, I really need to go and do some work now.
( Lonewolf - O R'lyeh? Ya R'lyeh!, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:07, archived)

Jack Klugman
will grow out of your throat?

*gentle, yet sympathetic, hugs*
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:07, archived)

he was sexy back in those days
he's a bit rough-looking now though
( Jadeviper was still alive on, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:11, archived)

Sexy,
in a reassuring yet slightly sleazy way?

Each to his or her own, I suppose.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:13, archived)

he wasn't sleazy!
and he had a brilliant detectoring mind. Sam was cute too, but in a minor way
( Jadeviper was still alive on, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:14, archived)

I think that there was always the hint of "dirty old man" about him.
I mean, who was the bikini-clad lovely on his boat? She was probably young enough to be his daughter!

Nonetheless, Quincy was a fine show (up there with Petrocelli, Ironside and Columbo).
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:16, archived)

Im really more of a Diagnosis Murder man myself
DVD rocks my world
( comrade yannovski and then, of course, there was the schnapps monkey, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:17, archived)

Talk of the devil
www.b3ta.com/talk/620183
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:21, archived)

FEAR MY WRATH
www.b3ta.com/talk/620229


please?
( comrade yannovski and then, of course, there was the schnapps monkey, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:23, archived)

Meh,
I could never really get in to Diagnosis Murder, for some reason (possibly, Dick vanDyke's moustache).
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:23, archived)

One review I read of the series said
"Dick van Dykes moustache appears to be playing a seperate character".

Lovely stuff.
( comrade yannovski and then, of course, there was the schnapps monkey, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:25, archived)

Ha!
I couldn't stand the baltant nepotism, either. Poor old Barry...
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:28, archived)

*Dons ABC suit*
*hugs with long stick*
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:07, archived)

I'm very glad
I don't have one of the possible side effects cos it gives me the fear. "black hair tongue"... every time I think about it I get Black Hole Sun going though my head
( Jadeviper was still alive on, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:12, archived)

Haha
and ew. Possibly not in that order!
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:13, archived)

Tonsils are more trouble than they're worth.
They should just whip out everybody's tonsils shortly after birth.

I had mine removed at age four. Mine were so fucked that I had a kidney infection as well.

*offers hug*
( Bob Todd whee, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:08, archived)

This.
although I managed to miss out on the kidney infection, my tonsils had actually scarred themselves to the back of my throat.

/pain-blog
( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:15, archived)

*passes packets of soluble voltarol*

( Giant bunny jumping out like a large happy tourettes rabbit, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:09, archived)

*soothes*
*hugs*
*cops a feel*
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:10, archived)

*hugs*
*feels own glands swell*

'ning all!
( L-Space - scientia sapientes vocat., Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:12, archived)

Have a family value pack of sympathy on me.
That sounds absolutely horrendous. A tonsillectomy is worth the pain not to go through all that.
( Nimble Colin camera-wrangling, globe-trotting whisky enthusiast, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:13, archived)

I'd rather keep my tonsils if I can though
they're the first line of defence - how much more ill would I have been if this infection had got all the way in?
( Jadeviper was still alive on, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:15, archived)

I had mine removed along with my adenoids when I was 6
and I've only had minor illnesses since apart from various degrees of food poisoning. As far as I can see, it was a very worthwile operation although I wouldn't believe anyone that told me at the time.
( Nimble Colin camera-wrangling, globe-trotting whisky enthusiast, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:19, archived)

it hurts then? :(
more than the pain I'm in just now?
( Jadeviper was still alive on, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:21, archived)

No.
I couldn't talk for about 24hours and I had a sore throat for maybe a week but had 2 off school. I'm pretty sure it was far less that the suffering you are going through now though.
( Nimble Colin camera-wrangling, globe-trotting whisky enthusiast, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:24, archived)

I can't talk much at the moment
partly cos it hurts and partly cos my larynx has swollen as a side-effect of the penicillin. the ratbag keeps asking me to read her stories and stuff :(

I might ask about it on Friday if things aren't improving
( Jadeviper was still alive on, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:26, archived)

Crikey
*gets photographed hugging to improve own media image*
( Newington, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:14, archived)

So, out of interest, has anyone actually done anything towards organising the Amsterbash?
Am i to assume its died a death and that i can begin planning an Oxford bash for September in its stead?
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 9:28, archived)

Hamsterbash?
*dons hamster bashing clothes*
( trev Is not interested in your fripperies, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 9:32, archived)

No no no.
It's Anti-Cat Day.
Now put the rodent down and go drown a kitten.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 9:33, archived)

It's still on
What needs organising?
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 9:32, archived)

Dates, times, locations
You'll get a better turn out if people know whats going on
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 9:40, archived)

It's booked for the 17 and 18 as far as I know.
I've already booked time off afterwards to recover.
( Lonewolf - O R'lyeh? Ya R'lyeh!, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 9:42, archived)

I must admit my
enthusiasm for this had waned a bit recently. I could still be persuaded though.

I've got emails from about 10 people that were interested though.
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 9:48, archived)

Tisnt 4rthured yet is it?

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 9:49, archived)

I didn't want those cunts turning up
My (limited) experience of them is they have short arms and deep pockets*.


*i.e. I buy 2 people I've never met or even spoken online with before 3 pints each and then they chip off to the bar to get themselves some more drinks and don't offer me one even when I've got an empty glass in front of me.
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 9:52, archived)

This ^
Let's keep it small and personal (like the contents of my pants).
( Lonewolf - O R'lyeh? Ya R'lyeh!, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 9:57, archived)

Aye
I'd rather go that distance to see 4 people I like than 20 that need a slap.
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:01, archived)

I support this

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 9:57, archived)

Come on mate,
How can you turn down the opportunity to meet up with Flappers, Mr Tea and I? If Mykey gets too much we can throw him in a canal :-)
( Lonewolf - O R'lyeh? Ya R'lyeh!, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 9:53, archived)

There is that
All been a bit up in the air... give me a while and I'll drop you and Cloggy a line and see if we can't sort something out.
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 9:57, archived)

Excellent
/Mr Burns.

I know you've had a lot going on with the move and all. But don't let cash be an objection, I'm sure an arrangement can be worked out.
( Lonewolf - O R'lyeh? Ya R'lyeh!, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:00, archived)

Hopefully by September I should be ok
again, just been a ridiculously expensive 4-6 weeks so far.

When I've pimped Dekazer out for a few weeks I should be £5-10 better off any way.
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 10:03, archived)

So,
you want to go to Amsterdam, drink some beer, smoke some hash and fuck a prostitute, and you think this requires organising? How hard can it be to purchase a return ticket for the train?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 9:32, archived)

Alright then
its in September, in a bar.

See you there.
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 9:34, archived)

See?
That wasn't so hard, was it?

*forgets to turn up*
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 9:34, archived)

Today I will mostly be crushing kittens.
The little sods deserve it!
(tacpprm has a mmrpcat, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 8:49, archived)

Steamroller,
drop press or old-fashioned anvil-from-the-second-floor-window?
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 9:00, archived)

All of the above
and some very heavy boots.
(tacpprm has a mmrpcat, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 9:00, archived)

You'll be wanting a pair of
these, then?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 9:15, archived)

Will I be able to jump over buildings
to get kittens hiding on the other side?

*demands a jetpack*
(tacpprm has a mmrpcat, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 9:27, archived)

Hmm.
This, would seem to be the pick of the bunch.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 9:30, archived)

How cruel.
I think my neighbour is guilty of cat abuse.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 9:07, archived)

Does his cock taste of whiskas?

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 9:10, archived)

What an interesting thought.
I'll never look at her in the same way again.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 9:13, archived)

arf

( DrPoppers Touched by his noodly appendage, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 9:15, archived)

Has she been telling you
how her pussy needs a good seeing-to?

/obvious
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 9:15, archived)

I had to bring it in, last night,
for a vigorous rubbing down. The poor thing was dripping wet (and rather smelly).
Oo-er...
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 9:16, archived)

Is this the 80's again?

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 9:16, archived)

Damn your impertinently misplaced apostrophe to hell and back.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 9:20, archived)

*jiggles*

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 9:23, archived)

Mykey, have you been
remiss? I can't be arsed to spazz back.

"Owner Ruth Morris said she realised what had happened when Puccini was unable to get through his catflap."
( Geordie Al, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 8:46, archived)

What's with all the feline violence this morning?
However, arf.
( Reid got it going on like Donkey Kong, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 8:57, archived)

Maybe it's
kitty-squishing Wednesday.
( Geordie Al, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 9:01, archived)

TACPPRM SQUISH!
GRAAAAAH!
(tacpprm has a mmrpcat, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 9:02, archived)

Cats are
evil.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 9:07, archived)

You give me
the fear.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 9:07, archived)

You give me
the horn.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 9:09, archived)

You give me
the galloping shits.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Wed 6 Jul 2005, 9:10, archived)