Is The Doveston in fact SSG's sentient cancerous pancreas?

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 19:28, archived)

Probably.

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 19:28, archived)

Elephants - yes or no?

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 19:27, archived)

True or false would be a better question

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 19:30, archived)

RUSH

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 19:27, archived)

I didn't check back soon enough
my favourite font is still arial narrow though, what's yours dave?
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 19:28, archived)

Besides Teh Sans?
Maybe Tahoma.
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 19:30, archived)

Verdana.
No contest.
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 19:39, archived)

What's your view on thread deletion?

( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 19:22, archived)

I don't think there's much point in it
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 19:23, archived)

It's the main argument for bringing back the death penalty.

( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 19:23, archived)

IT IS THE DEVIL

( moohalaa, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 19:24, archived)

It's for the lulz.

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 19:25, archived)

thiiiis

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 19:32, archived)

shut up you horrible minge transporter.

( Godzuki needs more sleep., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 19:36, archived)

im waiting for this thread to be deleted

(TheFallGuy doesn't it?!, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 19:26, archived)

Don't care.

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 19:27, archived)

I think it should hide the contents of that message, or maybe allow people a drop-down to see what's been deleted.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 19:30, archived)

( well, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 19:12, archived)

well if you're going to do that, I'm going to ask what should I have for tea?
what should I have for tea?
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 19:13, archived)

Curly fries

( executiverocker only wears C&A, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 19:13, archived)

what degree of curl?

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 19:14, archived)

402

( executiverocker only wears C&A, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 19:17, archived)

Chicken curry.

( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 19:14, archived)

I'm having steak with potato dauphinoise and a bit of salad.
Have that.
( my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 19:14, archived)

I had a cheese roll, some salted crisps and a cherry bakewell
I wouldn't recommend it. On the upside, the chip shop here opens on Monday after being shut for 8 months.
( magnum, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 19:15, archived)

Cheese and crackers.
No contest.
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 19:15, archived)

just drink until you aren't hungry anymore

( well, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 19:17, archived)

do you drink from one big glass, or pour lots of little glasses and arrange them on a plate like components of a meal?

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 19:18, archived)

it's mainly bottles or cans

( well, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 19:19, archived)

Typical.

( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 19:13, archived)

Wait, what?

( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 19:21, archived)

well?

( executiverocker only wears C&A, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 19:14, archived)

everything and everyone can fuck off CUNTS

( Mrs Sp@m, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 19:14, archived)

CUNTCUNTCUNTCUNTCUNTCUNTCUNTCUNTCUNTCUNTCUNTCUNTCUNTCUNT
....yes, you.
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 19:15, archived)

sorry, i just wondered if you were all sat there waiting for a new thread

( well, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 19:16, archived)

no.

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 19:26, archived)

I've just been for a nap.
I'm not sure if I've ever napped in the afternoon so far.
CONCLUSION: meh.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:27, archived)

Cool story bro.

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:27, archived)

I felt compelled to share it.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:28, archived)

:/

( well, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:39, archived)

Samefag
www.b3ta.com/talk/6275394
www.b3ta.com/talk/6275368
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 19:25, archived)

When I sleep in the 'noon
I get a funny taste in my mouth when I wake up. Odd.
( Major Turd for tonight only, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:28, archived)

[obligatory semen reference]

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:29, archived)

Weird, isn't it.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:29, archived)

Ever since the little bud things on my tongue
started vanishing, I have a permanent salty taste in my mouth.
( turb0t, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:40, archived)

www.b3ta.com/talk/6275333
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:41, archived)

Too
obvious
( turb0t, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:44, archived)

Maybe you've got the opposite of synaesthesia where you can taste silence.

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:54, archived)

My favourite radio station keeps playing The Smiths
I'm almost beginning to like them :(
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:28, archived)

Careful now.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:29, archived)

I'm playing "So Sorry" over and over again
I just can't stop it, even though I know how much of a cunt Morrisey is, and his voice makes me want to ram a pencil into his epiglottis.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:31, archived)

I like Morrissey fans.
They're so easy to wind up.
All you have to do is quote the racist hypocrite.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:33, archived)

I'm negating it with The Cure
it's my only hope
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:34, archived)

He was also a Smith.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:35, archived)

Yeah, but a GOOD smith

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:36, archived)

Will Smith makes horseshoes.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:37, archived)

I like the way he offers advice in his songs.
If you must write prose/poems
The words you use should be your own
Don't plagiarise or take "on loan"
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:38, archived)

I might have one now.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:29, archived)

What are you wittering about it not being hot down below there for?
It's roasting.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:30, archived)

It's not that hot here, it's gone cloudy.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:32, archived)

lol hot down below lol

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:32, archived)

Esme's used to the heat of an English summer now. It's quite something.

( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:33, archived)

All those wildebeest roaming the plains of Milton Keynes.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:34, archived)

Walkabout was actually filmed in Nuneaton

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:35, archived)

Yeah yeah, you've read about it in a book.
Well done.
( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:35, archived)

Also, concrete wildebeest.

( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:36, archived)

We don't have any books.
They all got eaten during the famine.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:36, archived)

And I suppose that was my fault too.

( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:38, archived)

Reparations, please.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:39, archived)

I'll have to get Her Maj to sign the cheque.

( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:43, archived)

Preposition overload!
What did you bring that book that I did not want to be read to out of about Down Under up for?
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:34, archived)

This is the kind of nonsense up with which I shall not put.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:35, archived)

And never start a sentence with a preposition either.

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:36, archived)

Twenty six prepositions in a one night stand.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:38, archived)

I feel like I've been cheated out of some life after a nap

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:30, archived)

I'll swap you for for some MAGIC BEANS.
No.
Wait.
A COW.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:31, archived)

I'm wrapping years 28-31 in brown paper as we speak

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:35, archived)

Year 28?
What kind of primary school system do you people have?
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:36, archived)

I drew a cow once

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:37, archived)

Worst Gunfight At The Ok Corral, EVER.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:38, archived)

moo.

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:38, archived)

si?

( moohalaa, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:53, archived)

que?

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:55, archived)

I feel like I've wasted a day.
Been playing xbox and doodling all day. I should probably start drinking now, then get abusive to the internet or something.
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:35, archived)

*drums fingers*
When does this abuse start?
Come on.
(Flid James carry on, mongs, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:39, archived)

I'm not drunk yet.
You impatient prick.
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:41, archived)

Come on you clunge!
I'm going out soon.
(Flid James carry on, mongs, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:42, archived)

Fuck off you homo.
going coming
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:44, archived)

How dare you?
*minces off at a hip-breaking angle*
(Flid James carry on, mongs, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:45, archived)

So has anyone actually gone to my not-even-real bash?

( Malchick, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:04, archived)

It's been FABULOUS.

( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:04, archived)

Fat poof.
Eaten many horses lately?
( Malchick, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:05, archived)

Yeah
You're not invited.
( executiverocker only wears C&A, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:05, archived)

what

( well, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:06, archived)

Yeah,
wait no. Why, where is it? Is it in my house?
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:06, archived)

Apparently it's here.
www.streetmap.co.uk/newsearch.srf?mapp=newmap&searchp=newsearch&name=B65+9QD
( Malchick, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:07, archived)

Titford Road?
Cakemore?
Bell End?
Richard's Close?
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:09, archived)

Mincing Lane,
just off Bell End.
( Malchick, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:09, archived)

Double hit.

( turb0t, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:10, archived)

Birmingham?
No thanks.
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:11, archived)

I drinking not even real beer with a complete not even real understanding of what's not really going on

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:07, archived)

Aren't you?

( Malchick, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:08, archived)

yenos

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:09, archived)

How many?

( Malchick, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:10, archived)

several apart from all of them

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:12, archived)

I'm snuggled under a patchwork quilt. Lovely.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:10, archived)

bit hot for that sort of thing isn't it

( well, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:12, archived)

Not here.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:12, archived)

You and your stupid country.
All you have is potatoes and Jesus and tea. I'm glad you fucked off back where you came from. I bet you didn't even tarmac any drives.

What have I missed?
( Malchick, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:14, archived)

Fuck off, you stupid faced cunt. I don't even like Jesus or tea, so HA.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:15, archived)

Stop being so nasty to Jesus.
What did he ever do to you except DIE FOR YOUR SINS?
( Malchick, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:16, archived)

He stole our drink, and let the English in.
He's a right cunt.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:17, archived)

He is a bit of a shit, isn't he.
Shows his bloody holes to anyone that asks and all. Much like you.
( Malchick, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:18, archived)

well it is here
i can't be expected to keep track of the weather everywhere
( well, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:14, archived)

I'll give you regular weather updates, then.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:16, archived)

in new threads only please

( well, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:17, archived)

will do.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:20, archived)

thanks

( well, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:24, archived)

it's made of ice cubes

( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:13, archived)

3 or 4 ply?

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:12, archived)

It appears to be 3 ply.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:14, archived)

poor Biff :(
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:15, archived)

Haha, awww

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:16, archived)

is this your coming out party?

( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:10, archived)

Yeah. Thanks to Druid.

( Malchick, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:12, archived)

I'm having a whale of a time.
Anyone got some space to crash?
( mcdoof fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:19, archived)

There's a couple of flats in London going cheap
if you don't mind people smoking
( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:21, archived)

Hello. Old person posting.
Mrs HB's eldest son and his girlfriend have got themselves a dog. Now when I say dog, it's a dog but only the size of a pie (which could be handy). It is currently running around yapping, dressed as a ladybird. Yesterday it was wearing this. clickypickylinky

Do they not realise this animal is going to spend the rest of it's life thinking it's name is, "For Fuck Sake". Ah fuck it. talk about food or something.
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:36, archived)

Awwwwwwwww it's cute CHB

( Mrs Sp@m, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:37, archived)

Cute?
There isn't enough vomit in the world to justify that!
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:39, archived)

Brie & grape sandwich.
Yum.
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:38, archived)

or something.

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:39, archived)

Grapes on a sandwich..
Are you mad?!
( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:43, archived)

Quite.
I take stuff to keep the crazy to a minimum. *sellotapes pretzels to face*
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:46, archived)

Grapes on a sandwich
Starring Samuel L. Jackson
( Major Turd for tonight only, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:56, archived)

Snacks on a Plane!

( Godzuki needs more sleep., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 17:56, archived)

Get Biffa to fuck it and then eat it.

( Noit happy baby orangutan, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:39, archived)

then fuck it again.

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:39, archived)

Only after vomiting it up and rolling around in it.

( Noit happy baby orangutan, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:40, archived)

Using the stomach lining as a makeshift condom.

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:42, archived)

Why are the ladies that serve food at weddings usually attractive?

( magnum, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:39, archived)

They see so many weddings that they sweat "MARRY ME" hormones non-stop.
They smell a bit like "FUCK ME RAGGED" hormones and you just want to do what your nose says.
( Noit happy baby orangutan, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:41, archived)

It's a bit unfair to do that
when I'm surrounded by all my immediate family and there is so much dripping fanny going on.
( magnum, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:43, archived)

Tell them to go for a wash, the stinking wanton whores.

( Noit happy baby orangutan, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:46, archived)

Dunno.
But I bet the dirty bitches are gagging for it.
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:41, archived)

Not one slipped their phone number in between the slices of roast beef I had yesterday

( magnum, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:45, archived)

I'm ugly and girls don't like me

( magnum, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:46, archived)

I always tell myself my beauty scares them

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 17:58, archived)

The food looks shit.
It increases the attractiveness of everything & everyone around it.
( Godzuki needs more sleep., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:41, archived)

Because they are men.
You are a homo.
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:44, archived)

Do you get the joke?
Homo.
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:47, archived)

I think you've gone too far

( magnum, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:48, archived)

Not quite far enough.
Show me where the boundary is so I can pass it. Queer.
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:49, archived)

What have I done to deserve this?
( magnum, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:53, archived)

/Pet Shop Boys

( magnum, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:53, archived)

Homo.

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:56, archived)

+ Dusty Springfield

( turb0t, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:57, archived)

I never realised that until about 2 months ago

( magnum, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:57, archived)

You jest ?
the song has been around for over 20 years.
( turb0t, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 17:00, archived)

I know
I just didn't know Dusty did vocals on it
( magnum, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 17:23, archived)

You assume it's pet shop boys,
because they are your favourite gay band. What other gay bands do you like? Village People? Culture Club? Blazing Squad?
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 17:00, archived)

Gays Aloud

( Godzuki needs more sleep., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 17:01, archived)

Erasure
Bronski Beat
Soft Cell
Communards
Frankie goes to Hollywood
( turb0t, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 17:02, archived)

Are Ultravox gay?
I hope not. I was listening to Vienna this morning.
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 17:04, archived)

This means nothing to me

( turb0t, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 17:07, archived)

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh
turbottttttttttt
( broadsword, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 17:10, archived)

Judging by the responses,
Ultravox are still not gay, this is good news, I was really gutted when those gays got their hands on The Human League. Those were sad days.
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 17:12, archived)

I must admit to owning a Frankie album.
That Trevor Horn is a great producer.
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 17:31, archived)

I have
all of the above except for Soft Cell
( turb0t, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 18:03, archived)

Because you are drunk.

( Lord Gnome, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:57, archived)

I take it she'd be annoyed if you shot them both and let the wrongdog run wild?

( Godzuki needs more sleep., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:40, archived)

all dogs are terrible

( Lightguy hail satan, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:40, archived)

*looks up from kitten punching monthly*
I could disagree.
( RedStar returneth, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:43, archived)

Oh god, why?

( SuperMatt, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:40, archived)

Because I felt like posting it.

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:46, archived)

Would you mind
if I post this?

Coz I won't if you do.
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:48, archived)

Not at all.
Very well done.
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:51, archived)

Ta!

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:55, archived)

She is blantantly barren
and should/will never have children.
( RedStar returneth, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:42, archived)

Just wait till xmas when they buy it a santa suit

( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:42, archived)

Oh god. I bet they will too.

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:48, archived)

totally using wifi on my phone here

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:44, archived)

No celebrity jizz gag
0/10
( broadsword, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:46, archived)

I'd come on those puppies.
/double vision
( Godzuki needs more sleep., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:46, archived)

MICHAEL JACKOFFSON!
DAVID TOSSOFF
WANK MARVIN
SPUNKLE BUCK
GEORGE JIZZHOLM
RICHARD WHITEWEE
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:53, archived)

Whats the deal with porno flicks
where the guy is about to cum and he like he is trying to squeeze the last bit of toothpaste from the toothpaste tube.
( turb0t, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:58, archived)

I'm paid per splurge.
sorry, I mean they are. I've never been involved in the industry.
( Godzuki needs more sleep., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 17:01, archived)

I saw someone on b3ta
say that another chaps ejaculation was like a cancerous snake coughing its guts out. Dunno who it was but it was a beautiful image.
( broadsword, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 17:01, archived)

Smashing,
broadsword is appeased now, he can finally rest in peace.
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:58, archived)

I have no idea who Richard Whitewee is
but damnit, it made me laugh

*gotcha, cheers all
( broadsword, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:59, archived)

Deaceased from Cuntdown

( turb0t, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 17:01, archived)

haha cuntdown.
Phwoar, that Vorderman.
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 17:05, archived)

He used to present Countdown until he carked it.

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 17:01, archived)

Whiteley
I assume.
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 17:01, archived)

Oh don't put clothes on dogs:(((((
It's barely even a dog as it is.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 17:10, archived)

I have to disagree here.
I've seen some very revealing clothes on dogs, and I would have preferred them to have made the effort to dress better of cover themselves up more.
( turb0t, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 17:15, archived)

They have clothes, they have fur.
And he's a poodle cross, so he won't shed, so it's a bit mean putting him in that, he'll boil.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 17:22, archived)

It was only put on for the photo.
He is naked now which is a bit of a coincidence as so am I.
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 17:27, archived)

Phwoooar.
How old is he now? Has Biff sat on him yet? I'm thinking of adopting a doggie.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 17:28, archived)

They are separated at the moment as
Biff was being terrorised by him. Running around his head, biting his ears and yapping. CONSTANT FUCKING YAPPING!
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 17:30, archived)

He needs to stop, it's attention seeking. I couldn't deal with a yappy dog in the house.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 17:33, archived)

It's not that bad really.
10 RUNs around like a loon
20 FALLs asleep
30 GOTO 10
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 17:36, archived)

PRACTICE BABY.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 17:14, archived)

Is it celebrity spluff pun time?
David Beck cum

*edit* I've thoroughly enjoyed the responses, cheers all
( broadsword, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:01, archived)

David Seaman.

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:02, archived)

piss poor, 1/10

( broadsword, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:03, archived)

Victoria Beck cum

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:02, archived)

Nice one, 9/10

( broadsword, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:03, archived)

piston broke stand up is hilarious.
I rate it 10/10
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:06, archived)

chow young manfat

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:03, archived)

Silly glued eel, this is not food post

( broadsword, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:03, archived)

Jizzy Rascal

( RedStar returneth, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:03, archived)

That made me laugh, 10/10

( broadsword, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:04, archived)

hahaha

( Mrs Sp@m, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:04, archived)

Richard Littlejohnthomas

( Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:04, archived)

Bit convoluted but I appreciate the effort, 6/10

( broadsword, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:05, archived)

Jizzy Jizzbourne

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:04, archived)

Bit of an old man gag, 6/10

( broadsword, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:11, archived)

Eric Morecum

( Mrs Sp@m, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:05, archived)

fucking hell that made me laugh :)
*edit* 10/10
( broadsword, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:06, archived)

Spray Winstone

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:05, archived)

There is no point rating yours as you are the funniest fucker on the planet

( broadsword, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:23, archived)

Sperm Britten

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:06, archived)

I love you

( broadsword, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:07, archived)

Alan Cumming

( RedStar returneth, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:07, archived)

nice one, but not really a pun, 4/10

( broadsword, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:12, archived)

Alan's Cumming

( RedStar returneth, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:14, archived)

David ComeAllOverMyFason

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:07, archived)

hmm, 4/10

( broadsword, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:13, archived)

Jismbard Kingdom Brunel

( Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:07, archived)

hahaha

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:07, archived)

haha, 8/10

( broadsword, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:09, archived)

Tony Splart

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:08, archived)

Michael Jackscum

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:09, archived)

Jackie Chan's yorkshire wife is alwawys phoning him up to tell him he's late for picking up his son shaun
e' jack, u late, shaun

actually it would be better if his wife was called shaun, and was just texting him to tell him he was late, imagine I typed that the first time
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:10, archived)

Splooge McDuck

( Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:10, archived)

Claudia Wankleman

( Mrs Sp@m, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:11, archived)

I'm struggling to keep up with all the celeb spluff puns
anyway, 7/10
( broadsword, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:21, archived)

Tony Splattery

( RedStar returneth, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:11, archived)

You're good at this
9/10
( broadsword, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:16, archived)

Willy Allen

( Mrs Sp@m, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:12, archived)

Not jizz related but quite funny
6/10
( broadsword, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:17, archived)

That was my grandad's name

( nick the greek, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:24, archived)

Did he make you Smile?

( broadsword, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:25, archived)

Zoe Ballsack

( Mrs Sp@m, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:13, archived)

Chuckamuckawumba

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:13, archived)

Manfatama Whitbread

( magnum, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:13, archived)

Oh, now, it's not really spluff related but it made me laugh
10/10
( broadsword, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:15, archived)

You're very kind. I broke the rules but still got a top score.
Reminds of a geography quiz we had in Year 8. When queried in which year the (something like) Fish Wars were, my answer of 19 Fish-ty 2 still received a score
( magnum, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:18, archived)

How is manfat not spluff related?

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:20, archived)

I thought manfat was the cock rather than the jizz?
If I'm wrong I apologise, no offence, forum banter etc
( broadsword, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:24, archived)

oh man, you wait until everyone hears about this at playtime

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:29, archived)

Fresh Prince of Bell End

( SuperMatt, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:14, archived)

Poor effort, 2/10

( broadsword, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:15, archived)

Featuring Jizzy Jeff.

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:21, archived)

Gluey Andrews

( RedStar returneth, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:15, archived)

Cum Marsh

( Mrs Sp@m, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:15, archived)

Anne Widdicum
or Anne Widdipre-cum
( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:17, archived)

Nice one, 9/10
If you'd gone with 'anne wee wee cum' you would've got full points
( broadsword, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:18, archived)

Hilary's Wank

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:18, archived)

Too obvious, 3/10

( broadsword, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:20, archived)

Trevor McDonald's cum.

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:21, archived)

Semen Cowell

( RedStar returneth, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:21, archived)

Nice one
9/10
( broadsword, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:28, archived)

Natasha Kaplinski's cum.

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:21, archived)

Johnny Depp's cum.

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:22, archived)

Keanu Reeve's cum.
I'm good at this.
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:22, archived)

Joanna Cumley.

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:22, archived)

Ok, not bad
7/10
( broadsword, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:38, archived)

Lord Fuckcunt Sperm Bags the Third

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:22, archived)

Megan Fox's cum.

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:22, archived)

Abi Titmuss' cum.
John Lesley's cum.
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:23, archived)

Simon CumTowel.

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:23, archived)

Jiz Blaster Geordie

( RedStar returneth, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:23, archived)

Megan Fox's Cream

( magnum, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:24, archived)

Fear-I Fawcett Too Hard Inside Your Anus Cum

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:24, archived)

haha, fuck
8/10, possibly higher when I work out what the fuck you are saying
( broadsword, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:33, archived)

Raquelle Welsh Cum

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:24, archived)

TOM SPLOOGE

( Lightguy hail satan, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:24, archived)

Keira Knightley's cum

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:24, archived)

MANGLUED EEL

( Lightguy hail satan, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:24, archived)

JONATHAN TOSS

( Lightguy hail satan, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:24, archived)

Jackscum Bollock?

( Godzuki needs more sleep., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:25, archived)

Tom Cruis Cum

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:25, archived)

HANDSHANDY PETERS

( Lightguy hail satan, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:25, archived)

I like this
9/10
( broadsword, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:27, archived)

he's the brother of a schoolmate
he actually went to school with my brother.
It made me lol and is 100% allegedly accurate
( Godzuki needs more sleep., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:31, archived)

Chuckle Brother's cum.

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:25, archived)

DAVID WOWIE!

( Lightguy hail satan, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:26, archived)

EDGAR TIGHT GRIP

( Lightguy hail satan, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:26, archived)

RICKY MALAISE

( Lightguy hail satan, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:27, archived)

RICKY MAN MAYONNAISE

( Lightguy hail satan, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:27, archived)

9/10

( broadsword, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:42, archived)

Julia Robert's cum.

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:27, archived)

Spunkan Goodhew

( Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:28, archived)

Hugh Fernley Wittingstall's cum

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:29, archived)

Cumrag Hood

( RedStar returneth, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:29, archived)

Jeff Bridgejizz

( Godzuki needs more sleep., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:32, archived)

spnuk
rnuk
( RedStar returneth, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:32, archived)

The Bee Jizz

( RedStar returneth, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:33, archived)

Brilliant
10/10
( broadsword, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:36, archived)

Mrs Slo-cum!
Thanks to mrs zuki for that one.
( Godzuki needs more sleep., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:39, archived)

Mollys Slug-Den?

( Godzuki needs more sleep., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:43, archived)

You can award Mrs Zuki 10 points

( broadsword, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:43, archived)

She's dancing for you.
She's Her tits are
( Godzuki needs more sleep., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:45, archived)

Has anyone here brought anything on 'finance', you know, those "Pay 0% for 9 month" type things?
I'm quite tempted to buy a Macbook Pro today.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 15:26, archived)

Hahaha.
OHH 90NZ0!!
Always with the interesting lifestyle.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 15:30, archived)

Damn my need to be validated by styrophone !

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 15:35, archived)

I never have, I save up rather than taking a loan.
But then, I am a cheapskate. And it'll change when I buy a house.
( my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 15:31, archived)

no, what do you pay after 9 months?

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 15:32, archived)

I think if you pay it off in time, you just pay the price of the thinggy?
If that's the case, I'll pick one up, probably.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 15:34, archived)

what do they take if you don't pay it?

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 15:41, archived)

My credit rating and my shoes.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 15:44, archived)

I am eating paté on toast.
¦:¬D
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 15:33, archived)

I have a nokia 5800,
a cheaper contract, more minutes and money to pay off my old contract.
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 15:34, archived)

What do you make out of the screen on that thing?
When reading the N97 reviews (same screen as that) on engadget, the guy got so pissed off that he chucked it down at the table.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 15:36, archived)

Ovbously that was staged or whatever, but I could see his fustration.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 15:36, archived)

I think it's pretty good.
A lot better than my old phone (LG Viewty) from what I've seen from using it so far.

I've only had it for an hour though.
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 15:37, archived)

If it's not the Comes With Music* one, then I recommend installing the software and getting the upgrade
press *#0000# - the software version should be at least 20.0.012 - the previous one's a bit buggy.

The Nokia Software Upgrader is better than the one you use wap for, too
( Methylene Blue - electrohead, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 15:43, archived)

cheers for that,
I'll take a look
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:00, archived)

I just looked at the popular page and saw piston_broke's comedy.
Now I know the meaning of interest free :(
( Druid, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 15:34, archived)

I just had a look, does the video ever load?

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 15:43, archived)

Unfortunately it did for me.
He says ANYWAY and AND a lot.
( Druid, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 15:50, archived)

Christ

( nick the greek, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 16:12, archived)

It's fine so long as you have the dosh to pay it off after 9 months
can we have an interesting thread now please?
( broadsword, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 15:34, archived)

I'll have it before then, easy.
Or I might be a cheepscape and get a MacMini.

I can almost justify it, as it'll be for work related stuff.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 15:37, archived)

If you have the money now
put that money in a savings account but don't spend any of it, so that way when it comes to pay you've got some more money as well and it would just be like purchasing it now
( magnum, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 15:41, archived)

If i go for a MacMini, I've got most of the money, if I go for a Macbook/pro, I've got about half the money.
But in a few weeks, I would have all the money anyway.

Fuck it, i'll treat myself to a new mouse or something, I need one of those, and get the mac when I actually have the cash.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 15:43, archived)

I think I can get one of the drivers to buy my old 32gb ipod touch, if I can, then maybe i'll buy it now.
Gnah', I'll be indesisive until I go.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 15:44, archived)

I want you in me

( broadsword, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 15:49, archived)

YES!
www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/2515872/Midget-wrestlers-dead-after-hookers-drug-drinks.html

What a headline.
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 15:35, archived)

They are liek 2009 mexican princess Dianas
now dey are in heavan wiv da angils
( RedStar returneth, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 15:44, archived)

I was just reading that
I've got such a boner
( magnum, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 15:46, archived)

Fuck MJ and Farrah Fawcett.
This is the real tragedy.
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 15:51, archived)

I'm bored.
Dog on pitch at International Rules match
( Spider Fucking Riviera got stiches for a knife wound for the first time, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 14:12, archived)

Shaolin shadow boxing. And the Wu Tang sword style.
If what you say is true, the Shaolin and the Wu Tang could be dangerous.
( ArthurTheRat, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 14:13, archived)

Me and 2 housemates tried to learn to moon walk last week, 3 days later Jackson died.
The Moonwalk's more deadly than fucking kung fu.
( Spider Fucking Riviera got stiches for a knife wound for the first time, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 14:19, archived)

Right, you need to pop back to Ireland in a couple of months
b3ta.com/calendar/event/20332
( broadsword, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 14:21, archived)

Oh bugger and fuck.
I can't. :-(
( Spider Fucking Riviera got stiches for a knife wound for the first time, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 14:23, archived)

whoa, i'm like totally signing up for this

( mongychops, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 14:23, archived)

You're not allowed come, you'll only bully everyone.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 14:25, archived)

that's really unfair, i could go and visit my family and see all the forum users who i love with all my heart
:(((((((

m

x
( mongychops, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 14:29, archived)

Thats harsh, we need more mongy lovin'

I for one would welcome the mongster.
( broadsword, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 14:29, archived)

hey thanks, i can feel the love, but i also can see when i'm not wanted, that's fine, still all my love
m

x
( mongychops, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 14:31, archived)

Even if you're not there in person, you'll be there in my heart

for ever and always

b

xx
( broadsword, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 14:33, archived)

that is very kind of you, i can feel the love and am touched by it, i really should go and see my family in dublin at some point soon, give them some love
loads of love

m

x
( mongychops, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 14:37, archived)

Fuck 'em, mongy, fuck 'em 'ard.
Innit, not bein' funny or nuffin', but I don't reckon it would be the jokes they're makin' out. They act the big I Am, talk a good game, but at the end of the day, they ain't right for us. We're proppa lots, salt of the earth, well safe, and they want you to make bare journeys for what? U no what I mean? Innit, we should 'ave our own gatherin', I'll get extra credit an send pickshas to their mobiles about the laughs we're 'avin', fuck it, coke and whores?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 14:39, archived)

fuckin sweet gonz, let's fuckin ave it large, show them mugs what the big boys do in the smoke
don't want it turning tasty tho geez, i can't do anothe stretch, if you know what i mean, some would love to see me back in the walls, you get me
( mongychops, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 14:42, archived)

yeah' boi', I'll crotch at yo' yard.
Yeah', nuffin' too 'eavy, if you can get your hands on that geezer from here, the one who the other day who was offering us all some non-paracetimol-lacied-opiats though, well, that would be well safe.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 14:46, archived)

There was a big Irish Travler's wedding at a local pub last night.
All 4 local cab firms were trying to pass their jobs onto eachother, we couldn't be blatent and say anything over the radio (what we send, everyone hears, but what the drivers send, only the office can hear). They were going quite far, about £50 jobs.

One of our drivers took a lot, but everyone else refused. I don't know what happened to him because I went home 15 minuites before he picked them up, but I hope he got a huge tip or something to make the others gutted.

We also had a few runners on some very big jobs (saaf lahndan), which is double-gutted on a friday night as they spend a few hours not working.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 14:36, archived)

as someone from sarf lahndan i find it hard to get a cab home from london
but check this gonz, the illegals at charing cross try it on, you tell them bexleyheath, they say a score, sweet spuds, then they try and diddle you when you get to blackheath, say they ment that, do they think i'm some sort of cunt, got mug on my forehead
( mongychops, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 14:39, archived)

As an insider....
The prices arn't worked out exactly at our firm, granted, some drivers do try it on, and they're mugs because you ain't comin' back to our firm if they do that. If we catch them, they get royal bollocking. We all got little PDAs with TomTom software built in. The system is crap, made worst by an IT guy who has the nouse to block AVG with Norton. I always add on a couple of quid when quoting, sayin', for example, "£10-12".

I'm supprised some drivers don't get decked with the libertys they take though.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 14:44, archived)

these boys aint even cabs gonz, they just hang around charing cross looking for punters in there datsun cherrys

( mongychops, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 14:46, archived)

I blame the PCO office.
Yeah', sure this whole "The cost of an illigal minicab: rape" thing was effective, but they didn't tell a single person how to actually tell the differance.

In the past, we've had a few chancers pull up outside our office, yell out 'cab', and get a bunch of people. Put the shits right up him when he tried it the third time, got all the boys to charge out at him, he hit two cars as he span off at full pelt. Then called the rozzers, not sure if they ever found him though.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 14:50, archived)

I don't fucking blame them.
I wouldn't go near the cunts either. Fucking knackers.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 14:45, archived)

Yup, I can just imagine one of the drivers coming back with no hubcaps and a dag.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 14:52, archived)

And a faceful of shotgun.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 14:53, archived)

Facebook just suggested I add Syncubus to my friends
=/
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 14:54, archived)

He was one of the first people I had on my facebook
think he's deleted me now. It was heartbreaking, but I think I'm over it.
( broadsword, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 15:04, archived)

He hasn't, I just looked at how I know him and you came up.
I know you phone him up in the middle of the night, twirling your phone cord with your finger sayin' "Hay there, yeah', it's me.... nothin' really, just wanted to see how you are.".
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 15:09, archived)

Kung Fu isn't as dangerous as Kung Flu

( Major Turd for tonight only, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 14:24, archived)

i will never reveal the wu tang secret

( Lightguy hail satan, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 14:32, archived)

Hurray for dogs.
Hello Spider.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 14:15, archived)

Hello lovely Esme.
How's life back there?
( Spider Fucking Riviera got stiches for a knife wound for the first time, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 14:20, archived)

Grand!
Lovely being home. I was up late after being on the piss. I'm off out to plant strawberry plants in a minute.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 14:21, archived)

lions on the pitch
www.justin.tv/sportstime
(TheFallGuy doesn't it?!, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 14:16, archived)

Hello

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 14:20, archived)

hello
good to be home?
(TheFallGuy doesn't it?!, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 14:22, archived)

Indeed.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 14:22, archived)

www.instantrimshot.com
( Spider Fucking Riviera got stiches for a knife wound for the first time, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 14:21, archived)

i hate dogs, shit machine, land sharks

( mongychops, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 14:21, archived)

Can anyone recommend a decent website where I can make my own photo book, i.e. the type where you upload your photos but can arrange and set them out as you want to

( magnum, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 14:25, archived)

i love you magnum, hell we all know that, but i can't help you with what you require and part of me feels awful for letting you down, i'm sorry
love

m

x
( mongychops, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 14:27, archived)

Thanks for your time mongy
love you
( magnum, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 14:31, archived)

Check out the Flickr Partners, there must be a few that do that sort of thing.
Actually, you can just make a set on Flickr and do it that way.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 14:59, archived)

I didnt' click.

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 15:14, archived)

WTF?
www.b3ta.com/links/Cat_On_Question_Time
( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 14:05, archived)

what the hell is wrong with you

( well, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 14:05, archived)

I'm bored :(

( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 14:06, archived)

there's a whole internet out there

( well, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 14:08, archived)

It's a cat, on Question Time.
Glad I could clear it up for you.
( ArthurTheRat, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 14:05, archived)

my name is jacob dyer and i live in bristol. it is fantastic. i sound like barnaby bear. i like barnaby bear. one time he went to france. i went to france. but some kid burnt my neck. i didnt like it.

( mongychops, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 14:06, archived)

He hasn't posted any new vids for a while
*crosses fingers*
( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 14:07, archived)

Youtube buffers like a shitcunt on my connection :(
Also I don't understand the purpose of your link. No offence.
( broadsword, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 14:07, archived)

well, it's not every day you see a pussy on Question Time

( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 14:08, archived)

Fuck me, Molly Sugden has been reincarnated

( broadsword, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 14:09, archived)

right get this right, this will blow your mind, a cat right, a fucking cat, was in a school right, i know that in itself is mad, but check this
question time right, was filming there, and they filmed the fucking cat, awesome
( mongychops, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 14:08, archived)

Well it raised a wry smile with me - but then I'm easily amused
You don't often see a cat on a BBC Political debate show
( h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 14:56, archived)

Oh no :(
awkwardfamilyphotos.com/2009/06/26/the-joker/
( Mrs Sp@m, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:47, archived)

NSFW you horror
how could you do that mrs.spam, i'm shocked
( mongychops, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:49, archived)

Drugs, not hugs

( broadsword, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:50, archived)

If i were that baby I'd need some fucking drugs after that.

( Mrs Sp@m, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:51, archived)

Sigh...
drugs
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:52, archived)

Made me laugh anyway

( broadsword, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:53, archived)

I'm ashamed by my numbing inevitability sometimes

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:54, archived)

n b
b m
( broadsword, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:58, archived)

7/10
Needs more context
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 14:00, archived)

*bums*

( broadsword, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 14:00, archived)

Sylishly rescued

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 14:05, archived)

FUCKING HELL WOMAN!

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:50, archived)

I've had a good think about this and I've decided that the best thing to do is to fall asleep for a few hours

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:53, archived)

i'm going to have a shower then cut my finger nails, imagine that

( mongychops, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:55, archived)

or should i cut my nails before the shower? i might have to ask a forum about this

( mongychops, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 14:00, archived)

I'll be going to work shortly and doing just that for money

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:55, archived)

SIESTA!

( ArthurTheRat, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:57, archived)

Mate of mine had one of them, the Cosworth was WELL fast

( broadsword, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 14:00, archived)

FIESTA!

( Spider Fucking Riviera got stiches for a knife wound for the first time, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 14:04, archived)

SPOIDER!
*bums*
( broadsword, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 14:05, archived)

BROADY!
*Toots*
( Spider Fucking Riviera got stiches for a knife wound for the first time, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 14:13, archived)

JMG ARRIVAL STANCE!
I'm still all bunged up.
How's the internet? Are there any simmering feuds I should be made aware of?
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:13, archived)

Peter André is divorcing Jordan
I am so sorry
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:13, archived)

is it time for food JMG?

( Mrs Sp@m, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:14, archived)

Let's all just lay off the food for a bit, b3ta.
If I'm unwell there's no way everybody else is allowed to continue like it's any other day.
I'm VERY important.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:24, archived)

but i wanted to go to the pub in a bit jmg and get fucked up on the booze :((((((

( mongychops, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:27, archived)

We're shutting down most pubs to aid the relief effort.
Buses are being redirected, etc.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:28, archived)

How could shutting pubs possibly help anything?

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:30, archived)

We won't know until later in the day.
Clipboards at the ready.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:31, archived)

I'm going to act as a control group on this one, by going to the pub and investigating the effects of them being open.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:33, archived)

my friend rehab asked me if i wanted to go to gay pride today jmg, i really don't understand this at all
i told him to fuck off, i know he likes nobbing fat chicks, does that turn a man?
( mongychops, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:36, archived)

What a strange man.
You be careful there. Especially with those fatties you speak of.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:43, archived)

i will beware, although i will out him later in the local, great banter

( mongychops, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:52, archived)

I've only ever been to one Pride which was by mistake in Amsterdam
seems like a lot of fun though
( broadsword, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:44, archived)

100,000 fruits marching in hyde park kissing and rimming, not for me, i no prude, i just don't want it shoved in my face, no offence

( mongychops, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:47, archived)

They really should clamp down on the public rimming to be fair

( broadsword, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:50, archived)

pfffttt.....
hey Mongy!
( Zank Frappa Who let the lefties in?, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:45, archived)

alright zank, how's life down under?

( mongychops, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:48, archived)

What if I make you some proper chicken soup and bring it to newcastle holding a lighter under the pan all the way to keep it warm?
I have chicken bones and everything.
( Mrs Sp@m, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:36, archived)

i've only just come online jmg, i might kick off

( mongychops, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:14, archived)

I thought you'd gone away Mongy

( Mrs Sp@m, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:15, archived)

me? no, where did you get that idea?

( mongychops, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:15, archived)

On special offer in Tesco.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:16, archived)

one day when mongychops butchers is a global force i will destroy tesco with my quality meats, served by mongs

( mongychops, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:19, archived)

The Craft Butchers' Union is my favourite trade union.
Just typing that makes me realise how odd it is to have a favourite trade union.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:20, archived)

Your thread the other day where you said bye and that you loved us all etc etc
It must have just been a lovely forum departing for a few hours thread that I mistook for holiday thread.
( Mrs Sp@m, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:17, archived)

oh i see, i was just departing with a fond farewell for you all, who i love as my work day was completed
love


m

xox
( mongychops, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:18, archived)

:)

( Mrs Sp@m, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:20, archived)

We all appreciated it.

love,

b

xx
( broadsword, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:31, archived)

I've just cleaned the bathroom
And now have the budgie on my shoulder.
Who says you can't have fun without spending money?
( SuperMatt, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:14, archived)

Capitalists, that's who.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:17, archived)

I have cleaned the kitchen AND the bathroom
I don't have a budgie on my shoulder but I could have if I went to my mums and their budgie wasn't a cunt.
( Mrs Sp@m, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:17, archived)

You just had to one up me, didn't you?

( SuperMatt, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:18, archived)

as always
but you've one up'd me because your budgie isn't a cunt.
( Mrs Sp@m, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:21, archived)

Jokes on you, I bummed your budgie earlier & it's now dribbling broadsword juice down your shoulder.

( broadsword, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:20, archived)

:(

( SuperMatt, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:26, archived)

And now he's on my head.

( SuperMatt, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:26, archived)

At least you won't need to use any hair gel tonight

( broadsword, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:32, archived)

LOOK AT THE CALENDAAAAAAAAAAAAR!

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:36, archived)

Hoorah!

( broadsword, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:39, archived)

I'll GAZ the others.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:40, archived)

Who are the others?
the only spudwogs I can think of are esme, spoider & tibble
( broadsword, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:42, archived)

Some hillbillies are arguing over a donkey that was borrowed eighty years ago.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:15, archived)

Between me and the Mexicans, JMG.

( ArthurTheRat, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:32, archived)

I just hit my head on the corner of the desk when I was leaning down to plug something in
I expect a written apology from you first thing tomorrow
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:36, archived)

lol

sucks to be you

lol
( broadsword, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:40, archived)

www.gilgamesh.zen.co.uk/office/
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:45, archived)

I love you more than I love my own nipples

( broadsword, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:47, archived)

I might do a "make your own Office Assistant" page
that sounds like a good way to waste an hour or so
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:52, archived)

It looks like you're going for a shit!
Etc.
( broadsword, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:59, archived)

oh, no, oh sweetie are you ok?
*hugggles
( mongychops, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:41, archived)

take your paws off me you damn dirty ape

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:49, archived)

There was an interesting piece on the radio this morning about various recent murders and assaults.
Most of the in studio panel were of the opinion that the world is getting scarier and worse, and the only person pointing out that things have always been like this was me.

Do you people really believe that things are worse today than they were in previous generations?
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:09, archived)

Things are certainly worse today
my head is fucking POUNDING
( broadsword, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:11, archived)

Wait till you get over here.
We'll show you what a proper hangover is like.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:12, archived)

I fear for my nipples

( broadsword, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:17, archived)

Nah, things were much worse before I came along.

( my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:11, archived)

ong l over my gran's false teeth.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:13, archived)

I feel better for it, at least.

( my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:14, archived)

I think stabbings have got a bad reputation these days
I remember family christmasses with all sorts of harmless stabbing japes
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:12, archived)

worse, yes

( mongychops, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:12, archived)

WRONG!
Move back three spaces and miss a turn.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:13, archived)

awww, man, i was nearly winning
MUUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
( mongychops, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:15, archived)

I think teens have access to scarier weapons such as guns
Knives have always been about, and I think drug addiction is worse, I know its always been about but different people are doing it nowadays because it seems more readily available.

I think on a global scale terrorism is scarier than it used to be, but that's down to new technologies I think.
( Mrs Sp@m, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:13, archived)

So it's worse to get shot than mutilated and beaten to death?

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:14, archived)

well no, with fighting you have a chance to defend yourself or run away
you can do neither with a gun.
( Mrs Sp@m, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:15, archived)

I refute this.
*refutes*
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:17, archived)

I don't think it's any more readily available than it ever was. We just hear far more about it. It's not difficult to keep away from that sort of thing either.

( Malchick, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:17, archived)

From global terrorism?
Have you some other globe you visit?
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:19, archived)

I meant the drugs and knife crime.

( Malchick, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:21, archived)

I'll refute this also.
There's no evidence that violent crime is on the increase in western Europe, and while there has been a move from the abuse of alcohol towards other substances it hasn't made much of a difference to the overall levels of substance abuse.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:23, archived)

I believe crime rates are continuing to fall, broadly, in the UK.
But that doesn't sell newspapers, so it's not interesting.
( my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:25, archived)

over how long a period here, and are you just using percentages of the population?
scrub that, i'm bored
( mongychops, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:26, archived)

That's what I said.

( Malchick, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:28, archived)

I can't remember seeing heroin/coke addled folks walking about when I was younger
I maybe didn't pay as much attention as I do now. Back in the days before even I was born I think I remember reading that drug addiction was prevalent in the middle and upper classes
( Mrs Sp@m, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:20, archived)

Note the fact that I say *I think*
I have no research or facts to back this up
( Mrs Sp@m, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:22, archived)

Yeah, it's cool :) I'd be very surprised if things really were getting worse though.
Though I'm from The North (like you), where perhaps we don't have so much of a problem as they do in London...my London-based housemates were very amused that I was so shocked that they'd all been mugged multiple times.
( Malchick, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:30, archived)

THE NORTH ROCKS!

( Mrs Sp@m, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:31, archived)

globally alot more cocaine and heroin is produced and consumed, as a dealer i'm glad about that but with the price so low it is hard work

( mongychops, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:21, archived)

Well, opium's been in use for millenia.
As have many other natural drugs. Most commonly used drugs really aren't that harmful.
( my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:20, archived)

You are correct in that bad people have always done bad things.
However, we now have generation or two of people who have little concept, never mind understanding or respect, for the consequences of their actions due to years of coddling from paranoid parents and media that tell us we are all doomed. The next rulers of this country will and others will literally not know how to cross a road without their mums.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:20, archived)

Or in other words;
WAAAAAH I'M OLD.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:21, archived)

Without the WAAAAAH bit

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:23, archived)

And better placed commas

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:23, archived)

And commas were better when you were young.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:24, archived)

Stronger and sleaker
Made of coal and iron
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:26, archived)

Get a Fecking Grip
You Tosspots
( Darklord, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:47, archived)

They're reporting a celebrity related story.
What else do you expect from a tabloid?
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:48, archived)

will there be a mosh pit?

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:52, archived)

One can only dream
(With massive knifes)

American Shitcunts, British Dickheads, etc, etc
( Darklord, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:54, archived)

Shitcunt
is a wonderful insult.
Well done.
( NobbyNobody 21 years a b3tan, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 12:24, archived)

He totally stole it.

( WHARRGARBL, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 12:28, archived)

You grassing shitcunt

( broadsword, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 12:28, archived)

I'm personally surprised nobody has registered "shitcunt" as a comedy account

( WHARRGARBL, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 12:30, archived)

that's because you're a shitcunt

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 12:35, archived)

I'm personally surprised nobody has registered "Karl Hysteria is a shitcunt" as a comedy account

( broadsword, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 12:36, archived)

oh wow
Sun Microsystems have invented fuck all

unless it's a really small hedge and I'm seeing it wrong
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 12:39, archived)

that hedge is clearly a massive double loser

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 12:40, archived)

oh wow, I found my new career
www.handmodel.co.uk/

I've got nicer hands than hedge guy, I'm totally giving that a shot
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 12:43, archived)

shitcunt is hr generalist

what the shuddering fuckmonkeys is an HR Generalist?
( broadsword, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 12:56, archived)

Opposite of an HR Specialist.

( ArthurTheRat, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 12:58, archived)

I think if I ever met anyone socially who worked in human resources I would punch them in the tits

( broadsword, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:00, archived)

oh god this
they are the zen masters of utter spacktarded shitcuntery
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 13:09, archived)

I like the link at the bottom.
'Michael Jackson dead at 50. All you need to know about the King of Pop.'
( Druid, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:58, archived)

woah, information overload

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 12:00, archived)

Graham Norton gay. All you need to know about Graham Norton.

( Druid, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 12:03, archived)

it's like that bit in Star Trek where Bones puts on that teaching helmet to learn how to put Spock's brain back in his head
see this, this is me learning all I need to know about Michael Jackson
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 12:05, archived)

I heard it also makes you shit your keks

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 12:15, archived)

christ, who employs the journalists for that website?
and could they not think of another word that means "special" for this headline?
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 12:20, archived)

I'm choosing to read that as someone threw a fistfull of instant mash potatoes, made by a downs, at michael jackson

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 12:21, archived)

they peel them with their metal knives

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 12:23, archived)

But they just can't kill the beast

( Druid, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 12:29, archived)

*overly complex layered solo*

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 12:31, archived)

Has robocop robospluffed on Kylies face?
www.mirror.co.uk/celebs/news/2009/07/03/kylie-minogue-plays-mtv-gig-in-spain-pics-115875-21492523/
( broadsword, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 12:22, archived)

oh blimey, Kylie still causes me twinges in the pant region

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 12:24, archived)

see, now I'm singing This Corrosion again
I reckon Jacko really really wanted to look like Andrew Eldritch.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 12:28, archived)

Twenty five whores in the room next door.
Imagine the smell.
( Druid, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 12:32, archived)

Succinct and efficient

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 12:05, archived)

Needs more nonce.

( broadsword, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 12:23, archived)

I love the random 'SLAP' subheadline.

( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 12:05, archived)

If you wank over his decomposing remains is it called jacking off?

( broadsword, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 12:15, archived)

Conversation in pub last night:
Bloke 1: I can't believe I slept with my ex last night.
Bloke 2: Which ex?
Bloke 1: Jude
Bloke 2: You cunt, - I've been going out with Jude for a month.

If you're not interested in what I overheard in the pub last night then you're probably just jealous because I got woken up by a chinook helicopter hovering over my house this morning.
( C, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:43, archived)

Im not jealous
I stink of mud and petrol and mansweat. I could pull 15 women with this aroma. Including Jude.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:46, archived)

If you just added a whiff of creosote to the aromas you could probably pull all women and most men.
( C, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:47, archived)

Jealous?
I could bore you all day with tales of how my childhood was ruined by British military helicopters.
I'm glad most of them have fucked off.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:46, archived)

Let me guess
your family had been helicopter specialists, man and boy, for hundreds of years, making your quaint wooden pedal driven flying machines for your small town year in, year out, when one day a foreign corporation using new fangled techniques like combustion engines and electricity swooped in and, a maelstrom of dustclouds and rotorchatter, destroyed your tradional homespun industry and now you have to work in Starbucks.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:48, archived)

Every time I tried to chat up a girl a chinook would pull down my pants and call me a div.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:49, archived)

serves you right for planting fucking bombs you terrorist shitcunt

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:50, archived)

How come you can't terrorise people without being called a terrorist?

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:51, archived)

you're from Northern Ireland anyway, that's Britain
those helicopters were from your nation's army, trying to stop you blowing up your own country and all you can do is complain about it
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:54, archived)

I bet Sea King would put his arm around you, walk up to a girl and swagger "Hey, I'm Sea King
"and this is my brother, Wayne"
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:51, archived)

I saw three dogs this morning,
where do I come on your 'things that happened this morning' scale?
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:46, archived)

I depends on where you saw them and whether any of them were yours. If you saw them in a place where you'd expect to find dogs, - such as a park or a vets surgery, then you score 1. If you saw them somewhere odd, - like up a tree, or in a supermarket you score 8. Subtract 1 point for each dog that you own.
( C, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:51, archived)

i saw two dogs behind the glass in the local toughened glass offie last night
they were having a brilliant time
( spacefish bong!, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:54, archived)

were they alcocollies?

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:55, archived)

go and stand in the corner and think about what you just did

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 12:04, archived)

Are you Osama Bin Laden?
If so, you shouldn't have been dahn the boozer. you naughty naughty raghead.
( Godzuki needs more sleep., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:51, archived)

Well, I am Osama Bin Laden, but it's ok to be at the pub, - I was drinking J20 and playing cribbage, both of which are allowed by forrin religions.
( C, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:53, archived)

CRIBBAGE!
CARD GAME OF THE GODS!
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 12:00, archived)

Got the automated response for my job application to DWP.
"Please note that if you have tracking running on your PC you may get a read receipt telling you that you email has been deleted without being read.
Please be assured that this is not the case, it is just the way that we process your application."

By sticking it in the bin automatically? Shitcunts.
( Godzuki needs more sleep., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:07, archived)

I've got an interview with DWP on Wednesday.
( C, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:08, archived)

whereabout?

( Godzuki needs more sleep., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:09, archived)

The interview's in Birmingham, but the job would be in Lincoln.
( C, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:10, archived)

Good Luck.

( Godzuki needs more sleep., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:11, archived)

Cheers, - I already work for them (well, Jobcentre Plus), - the interview is for a promotion
( C, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:12, archived)

They randomly delete 50% of applications without looking at them, - this ensures they don't employ anyone unlucky.
( C, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:10, archived)

That sounds scarily plausable

( Godzuki needs more sleep., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:10, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/5037269
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:21, archived)

dwp dwp, dwp dwp
dwpdwpdwpdwpdwp dwp
( spacefish bong!, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:13, archived)

thwoppa thwoppa thwoppa

( Godzuki needs more sleep., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:15, archived)

What job have you applied for?
( C, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:13, archived)

Admin asst at a BDC
that and 'shudder' Customer Service Officer
( Godzuki needs more sleep., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:14, archived)

I've been involved in recruitment for JCP in the recent past, - if you pass the sift and want any tips prior to selection tests/interview feel free to gaz me. Is the CSO job in a Jobcentre or a Contact Centre?
( C, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:17, archived)

Jobcentre
It's where I'm signing on now.
( Godzuki needs more sleep., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:21, archived)

Good luck.
( C, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:24, archived)

Ta

( Godzuki needs more sleep., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:43, archived)

you'd think they'd go so far as to disable read receipts
i always disable them, they're like little tiny promises that i'm going to reply right now, which i inevitably break
( spacefish bong!, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:15, archived)

I had an email saying I'd been unsuccessful in my application for a job recently.
I phoned up the HR department to see why, and they couldn't even find my CV. I'm pretty sure they already had in mind who they wanted for the job and only posted the vacancy as a formality. Bunch of cunts.
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:16, archived)

I hate that
Had a couple of interviews last year, nailed them only to get rejected because they'd only advertised the jobs as formalities, already knowing who they were going to employ
( Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:24, archived)

The call I had with HR went like this:
"Well, we're looking for someone with project management experience"
"I'm currently managing a project on (jargon)"
"We also need someone with people coaching skills"
"I did a course on this" etc.. etc..

Basically I was perfect for the job, but not part of the clique.
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:34, archived)

I might be getting a full time job offer from where I work soon
Hooray!
( Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:21, archived)

I already work full time as someone without a job.

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:25, archived)

Guaranteed Overtime!

( Godzuki needs more sleep., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:35, archived)

I get paid whatever loose change I can find dropped on the streets.

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:36, archived)

You should start signing on, - then you'd have a guaranteed income and you could count the money you find on the street as a bonus.
( C, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:40, archived)

I can't sign on yet,
plus I don't need to. Signing on should be an absolute last resort.
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:41, archived)

Scouring the streets for loose change should also be a last resort.
( C, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:44, archived)

what are you up to today?
im going to a beach near algeciras to look at topless birds and get some nice sunburn:

image06.webshots.com/6/0/32/63/105603263TKRvXv_fs.jpg

which people here are going to try and make the effort to go outside today. and krunk you are one fucking shitcunt.
(richard cropper's comedy account Stephen Frizzle is on the sex offenders list, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:02, archived)

Fuck off.

( WHARRGARBL, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:02, archived)

i've been kind to my garden again this morning, and next is the farmers' market
i'm not sure i can handle any more outdoors than that

beach would be nice thoug
( spacefish bong!, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:04, archived)

h

( spacefish bong!, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:04, archived)

i havent sat out in a nice garden since i came over here
swapsies?
(richard cropper's comedy account Stephen Frizzle is on the sex offenders list, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:05, archived)

hell yes
*hurriedly eats all the raspberries*
( spacefish bong!, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:10, archived)

I am not really doing anything, apart from consoling littlest sp@m over this mornings death of bumblebee
and we might go to the airport to watch planes for a bit.
( Mrs Sp@m, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:05, archived)

sounds fun
I had a dream last night I crashed at Barajas airport. Makes sense really, as I´m not a pilot.
(richard cropper's comedy account Stephen Frizzle is on the sex offenders list, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:07, archived)