I'm so sorry to post a new message this soon but just want to say I am crying laughing at the plyrics below I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH

( vladimir, Mon 11 May 2026, 14:37, archived)

pee lyrics, maybe yours will stain your chinos

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Mon 11 May 2026, 14:40, archived)

You can do anything but don't piss on your new blue troos

( mongychops, Mon 11 May 2026, 14:44, archived)

Pissy Woman, weeing down the street
Pissy Woman, kind I like to meet...
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 11 May 2026, 14:54, archived)

oh no out loud laugh

( vladimir, Mon 11 May 2026, 15:14, archived)

It's wonderful how there's always so much love on this forum
and no-one ever gets called a fucking stupid fucking cunt.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 11 May 2026, 14:49, archived)

love piss
forum leg
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Mon 11 May 2026, 14:51, archived)

💕

( vladimir, Mon 11 May 2026, 15:15, archived)

this is what rhian and hester were telling us about

( Invisible Wizard - 13th Level Scrote, Mon 11 May 2026, 21:55, archived)

HELLLLOOOOOOO :)

( vladimir, Mon 11 May 2026, 22:28, archived)

do a little pee
don't make a little mess
sit down tonight
( vladimir, Mon 11 May 2026, 15:14, archived)

2can this is a tribute post fyi

( vladimir, Mon 11 May 2026, 15:16, archived)

Alright jack black

( mongychops, Mon 11 May 2026, 19:03, archived)

mongyyyyyy xx

( vladimir, Mon 11 May 2026, 19:59, archived)

Holy pisspuddles
Boston, the new moggie, is doing cat farts and fucking hell they make your eyes water.

May invest in some probiotic food to settle his guts. Otherwise we'll end up with the paint stripped off the walls.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 11 May 2026, 14:55, archived)

Be weird as heck if he were doing, say, gecko farts, no?

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 11 May 2026, 16:47, archived)

the idea of a gecko emitting a miniature squeak and shooting several inches along the wall is most pleasing
( vladimir, Mon 11 May 2026, 17:59, archived)

this is why they always look so surprised
( vladimir, Mon 11 May 2026, 18:00, archived)

It makes a sound like 'geck' and they're all like "OH!"

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 11 May 2026, 19:50, archived)

this yes this :)

( vladimir, Mon 11 May 2026, 19:57, archived)

You're all welcome for the inspiration

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Mon 11 May 2026, 15:54, archived)

inspir urin
( Cheers Cheers, Mon 11 May 2026, 16:20, archived)

🥳

( vladimir, Mon 11 May 2026, 18:01, archived)

I am very tired and I feel terrible
I'm going to bed m
( Smash Monkey 2 Cannot actually train spiders, Mon 11 May 2026, 16:21, archived)

:( A VERY BIG HUG

( vladimir, Mon 11 May 2026, 18:07, archived)

I walk home,
The wrong way,
Hoping I'll go astray
I'd like to be a pissing person
I wander the highways,
I pee in your doorways
I'm wanted but I'm a pissing person
( Cheers Cheers, Mon 11 May 2026, 16:22, archived)

He hit me,
But it felt like a piss...
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 11 May 2026, 17:37, archived)

The Poop Poop Song (It's in His Piss)

( Cheers Cheers, Mon 11 May 2026, 17:48, archived)

people say she's crazy she's got urine on the soles of her shoes
well that's one way to fill up these walking boots
streaming urine all the way to her shoes
( vladimir, Mon 11 May 2026, 18:06, archived)

Hey now, hey now now, sing micturition to me
Hey now, hey now now
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Mon 11 May 2026, 18:30, archived)

Pissters of Mercy, right?

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 11 May 2026, 18:58, archived)

Doktor Avalanche OF PISS

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Mon 11 May 2026, 20:19, archived)

You are clearly more drunk than me
Which is impressive
( Smash Monkey 2 Cannot actually train spiders, Mon 11 May 2026, 21:42, archived)

morning

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Mon 11 May 2026, 7:15, archived)

*bums*

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 11 May 2026, 7:16, archived)

*steams*

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Mon 11 May 2026, 7:47, archived)

Ooh, now you're talking my language!

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 11 May 2026, 7:48, archived)

*gives you a vegemite sandwich*

( Cheers Cheers, Mon 11 May 2026, 7:57, archived)

^ under Downs men

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Mon 11 May 2026, 8:44, archived)

Who Can It Belm Now?

( Cheers Cheers, Mon 11 May 2026, 10:11, archived)

Morning

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 11 May 2026, 8:46, archived)

Hello

( vladimir, Mon 11 May 2026, 9:26, archived)

I CAN HEAR YOU CLEM FANDANGO

( Octo I ruin everything., Mon 11 May 2026, 10:16, archived)

^ Ray Bloody Purchase

( Cheers Cheers, Mon 11 May 2026, 10:19, archived)

You know when you're having a piss and it's a really powerful stream, a stream you can really be proud of,
but unbeknownst to you there's a sub-stream going off at a completely different angle and you've pissed all down your leg and you're at a social function with your friends and you'll have to walk out of the toilet and they will all see your pissy leg?

No? Me neither.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Mon 11 May 2026, 10:27, archived)

this is the kind of arousing detail that should really be kept to dms
( vladimir, Mon 11 May 2026, 10:29, archived)

Sorry I thought I was replying to your last message.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Mon 11 May 2026, 10:51, archived)

ahaaaaaaa xx

( vladimir, Mon 11 May 2026, 11:33, archived)

I gather that people who do this then intentionally splash themselves with water from the sink when washing their hands,
and then loudly inform everyone that there's a fault with the tap.

I gather this, because people have told me that this is what those people do.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Mon 11 May 2026, 10:47, archived)

It's certainly a tactic that this kind of leg pisser would employ,
from what I've seen.

Not that I fraternise with leg pissers you understand.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Mon 11 May 2026, 10:52, archived)

I voted Reform to kick all the leg-pissers out of the country, why are they still here?

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Mon 11 May 2026, 11:05, archived)

No, there is though, seriously, it all splashed up when I was washing my hands, it's not piss

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 11 May 2026, 12:30, archived)

I see you have also been told that this is the sort of thing people like that would say.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Mon 11 May 2026, 13:00, archived)

I read it somewhere

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 11 May 2026, 14:05, archived)

Yes, and I also gather that people who accidentally shit diarrhoea all over themselves then soak their underwear and trousers in the sink, pour generous amounts of water over their hair and shirts
and then claim that they were caught in a freak rainstorm on my way out of the toilet.
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 11 May 2026, 13:37, archived)

Queef, you mean.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 11 May 2026, 13:42, archived)

I never meant to shit all over myself
I never meant to cause my pants such stain
I only wanted, one time, to wash my pants clean
I only want wash my pants clean
Then claim it was rain

Claim it's rain
Claim it's rain
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Mon 11 May 2026, 14:13, archived)

GEOPISS

( Cheers Cheers, Mon 11 May 2026, 11:05, archived)

<s>GE</s> CHIN

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 11 May 2026, 13:31, archived)

Have you considered sit-down wees?

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 11 May 2026, 12:08, archived)

those who feel the stream diverging
consider sit-down wees
those who dread damply emerging
consider sit-down wees
those who find it all ridiculous
consider sit-down wees
in love, in hope, on seats in stalls
in love, in hope, on seats in stalls
in love, in hope, on seats in stalls
in love in hope on seats
( vladimir, Mon 11 May 2026, 12:51, archived)

^ Tim Pooth

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Mon 11 May 2026, 13:03, archived)

bravo

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 11 May 2026, 13:24, archived)

Do a little piss,
make a little mess
Sit down to wee!
Sit down to wee!
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 11 May 2026, 13:29, archived)

Oh sit down, oh sit down, oh sit down
Sit down when you pee
Sit down, down, down, down down dowown
FSFC
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 11 May 2026, 13:50, archived)

How you gonna wee it if you really don't wanna spill
By weeing on your leg?
(Get your wee up off your leg) tell me
How you gonna wee it if you really don't wanna spill
By weeing on your leg?
(Get your wee up off your leg)
'Cause I heard all the people weein'

Sit-down wee it, come on and
Sit-down wee it, if you really pee it
Sit-down wee it, you gotta feel it
Sit-down wee it, get down on it
Sit-down wee it, come on and
Sit-down wee it, baby, baby
Sit-down wee it, piss on it
Sit-down wee it
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Mon 11 May 2026, 12:58, archived)

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA YESSSS \o/

( vladimir, Mon 11 May 2026, 12:59, archived)

Sittin' with my cock in the bay, watching the piss stream away...

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 11 May 2026, 13:41, archived)

If I could save piss in a bottle
The first thing that I'd like to do
Is to save every day
'Til eternity passes away
Just to pour it on *ethnoreligious group redacted*
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 11 May 2026, 13:58, archived)

Get down, sit down. Sit down for your wee!

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 11 May 2026, 13:52, archived)

Urined my carpet
Urined my clothes
So I do sit down wees because I'm old
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 11 May 2026, 14:19, archived)

lololol

( vladimir, Mon 11 May 2026, 20:01, archived)

good afternoon*
_{*your time zone may vary, please observe local customs. No liability is implied or accepted}
(piss and shit, Sun 10 May 2026, 14:53, archived)

I don't want any cat related updates
thanks all the same
(piss and shit, Sun 10 May 2026, 14:54, archived)

I saw a cat earlier

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Sun 10 May 2026, 16:31, archived)

fuck you

(piss and shit, Sun 10 May 2026, 16:33, archived)

Aww shit, that's what happens when they change the Matrix!

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sun 10 May 2026, 17:29, archived)

Also: that’s what happens when you see a cat

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sun 10 May 2026, 17:32, archived)

Really makes you think, dunnit.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sun 10 May 2026, 18:29, archived)

Not if I can help it

( vladimir, Sun 10 May 2026, 21:43, archived)

Danny GONE-GHOULS

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Sun 10 May 2026, 16:35, archived)

Just got proper conned by a taxi.lads in my local are not happy. Paid 72p to get there, 13 quid back. What can you do? Use the fucking app you daft cunt . That's 2 days money

( mongychops, Sun 10 May 2026, 15:08, archived)

Oh shit

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Sun 10 May 2026, 15:58, archived)

I couldn't be bothered to argue about it. Lesson learned. Didn't think the cunts were that bad. Train st I suppose.

( mongychops, Sun 10 May 2026, 17:12, archived)

cut him good
cut his face
(piss and shit, Sun 10 May 2026, 16:32, archived)

Fucking Viet Cong.

( mongychops, Sun 10 May 2026, 17:11, archived)

Preevening

( Smash Monkey 2 Cannot actually train spiders, Sun 10 May 2026, 17:20, archived)

Late afternoon bollocks

( Cheers Cheers, Sun 10 May 2026, 17:22, archived)

Hold my dosa, tiny dancer

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sun 10 May 2026, 17:31, archived)

How does Elton John describe the consistency of a perfectly boiled egg?
It's a little bit runny!!!
(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Sun 10 May 2026, 18:43, archived)

this filling inside

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sun 10 May 2026, 20:47, archived)

pffffffahahahahaaaa

( vladimir, Sun 10 May 2026, 21:42, archived)

I'm not one of *those*, oh no hang on a minute

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Mon 11 May 2026, 10:04, archived)

this is some excellent internet right here

( Cheers Cheers, Mon 11 May 2026, 10:12, archived)

it's no 'argentina' though

(piss and shit, Mon 11 May 2026, 11:28, archived)

Hello

( vladimir, Sun 10 May 2026, 21:42, archived)

Good morning gashflap's

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Sun 10 May 2026, 6:44, archived)

Fucking mozzie got me good this morning. Right on the ankle

( mongychops, Sun 10 May 2026, 6:50, archived)

fresh meat

( MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Sun 10 May 2026, 7:49, archived)

Tasty western blood

( mongychops, Sun 10 May 2026, 8:10, archived)

they fucking love a piece of me as well. i think all my blood is bsasically at skin level. i might axctually be completely hollow

( MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Sun 10 May 2026, 8:55, archived)

I don't often get bitten. They normally don't bother me. I think years hanging around lakes built up some tolerance. Probably why this cunt went for ankle bone

( mongychops, Sun 10 May 2026, 9:25, archived)

ankle is one of THE most itchy, ouchy places for a mozbite OH NO :(

( vladimir, Sun 10 May 2026, 10:14, archived)

so some sort of ankle shield is in order?

( MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Sun 10 May 2026, 10:46, archived)

Just use 80% deet. Never get bitten. Might get cancer

( mongychops, Sun 10 May 2026, 10:58, archived)

A small price to pay, when you think about it.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sun 10 May 2026, 14:22, archived)

Cancer maybe, or some nasty mossie diseases. I'll stick with deet.

( mongychops, Sun 10 May 2026, 14:37, archived)

Deet is amazing, like roundup but for human wear

( vladimir, Sun 10 May 2026, 21:41, archived)

I get bitten every fucking time without fail.
About 5 bites this week alone. Worst was Aus where my whole forearm swelled up. Cunts love me
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Sun 10 May 2026, 14:32, archived)

I genuinely read that as "Anus"

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Mon 11 May 2026, 11:06, archived)

Morning
It’s quite tense in the house. Fur was flying last night and Aggie the cat freaked out so much she wrecked the bedroom blinds. Boston thinks chasing is fun. Aggie doesn’t. We’ve broken out the car calm plug-ins and put them in separate rooms…
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Sun 10 May 2026, 7:45, archived)

morning

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Sun 10 May 2026, 9:17, archived)

Morning

( Smash Monkey 2 Cannot actually train spiders, Sun 10 May 2026, 11:09, archived)

I see Hanoi has a northern soul place, any good?

( mongychops, Sun 10 May 2026, 12:08, archived)

Train street is a load of wank.

( mongychops, Sun 10 May 2026, 14:01, archived)

I quite liked it, but yeah a load of tourist wank

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Sun 10 May 2026, 15:59, archived)

No clue soz

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Sun 10 May 2026, 15:59, archived)

it's fckin saturday boyz and gurlz let's go get some!
alt: afternoon
( MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Sat 9 May 2026, 12:49, archived)

I'm waiting to get some
Antibiotics, that is. Then I can go home.
( Smash Monkey 2 Cannot actually train spiders, Sat 9 May 2026, 13:00, archived)

are you poorly sick?

( MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Sat 9 May 2026, 13:54, archived)

Kidney infection

( Smash Monkey 2 Cannot actually train spiders, Sat 9 May 2026, 13:55, archived)

oh dear.
i think my hips are falling off
( MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Sat 9 May 2026, 21:18, archived)

That sounds both terrible and painful

( Smash Monkey 2 Cannot actually train spiders, Sat 9 May 2026, 21:46, archived)

Gonnie Tyler

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Sat 9 May 2026, 13:52, archived)

i will not entertain this with a response

( MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Sat 9 May 2026, 13:55, archived)

If it bothers you,
turn around
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Sat 9 May 2026, 14:11, archived)

It's an ass-ache, nothing but an ass-ache

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 9 May 2026, 14:30, archived)

I recommend more lube and more time spent on warmup preparations.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sat 9 May 2026, 16:41, archived)

fuck until your balls break

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 9 May 2026, 17:28, archived)

🐢 🔌

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sat 9 May 2026, 17:43, archived)

*is* a Welsh singer
Still alive and kicking so I can’t link to my, quite frankly, hilarious pun from earlier
( Cheers Cheers, Sat 9 May 2026, 19:02, archived)

Just got a moped taxi. Now that's a wild ride . Might pay the extra for a car back. Not really the moped, fucking hurt my back. I'm shit pillion

( mongychops, Sat 9 May 2026, 14:03, archived)

What you up to today?

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 9 May 2026, 14:31, archived)

In some Irish bar. I'll be honest I prefer where I am in Hanoi with the locals. Also 4x the price plus from the bar 5 mins from mine. Had to have a look at the posh bit. Don't like it

( mongychops, Sat 9 May 2026, 14:46, archived)

It's also 9pm mofs, days done here

( mongychops, Sat 9 May 2026, 15:02, archived)

Fuck that, not a chance

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Sat 9 May 2026, 14:42, archived)

I video it. Sent it to mates. They were all fuck that. 41000 dong tho

( mongychops, Sat 9 May 2026, 14:47, archived)

big dong

(piss and shit, Sat 9 May 2026, 15:04, archived)

Strong recommend this joint
guide.michelin.com/en/ha-noi/ha-noi_2974158/restaurant/pho-10-ly-quoc-su

Don't be put off by the Michelin endorsement, it's proper
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Sat 9 May 2026, 15:19, archived)

The bar I'm in is only up the road. I've just been eating on the streets really. Love the old birds cooking in little stalls

( mongychops, Sat 9 May 2026, 15:23, archived)

Love those little chairs

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Sat 9 May 2026, 16:03, archived)

The plastic ones?

( Smash Monkey 2 Cannot actually train spiders, Sat 9 May 2026, 17:52, archived)

Yeah, plastic chairs, which you can only get in this one very obscure but cool and awesome small town in Vietnam that only mongy and Queef know about.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sat 9 May 2026, 19:23, archived)

I was sitting on them 20 years ago #CoolerThanThem
It was like sitting on a kerb, I'm nearly 6'4 and my height is all in my legs, thank fuck it was before smartphones or I'd be all over Vietnamese TikTok for lols
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Sat 9 May 2026, 19:55, archived)

Knees keeping your ears warm

( Smash Monkey 2 Cannot actually train spiders, Sat 9 May 2026, 21:48, archived)

Times have moved on. Full leather lazy boy chairs now.

( mongychops, Sun 10 May 2026, 5:32, archived)

Not sure I'd want to sit on anything leather in the tropics.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sun 10 May 2026, 10:24, archived)

I'm eating round here. Only a 4 minute walk
ibb.co/wNnrLZJG
( mongychops, Sat 9 May 2026, 15:28, archived)

That's just up the road from Stratford tube, surely?

(piss and shit, Sat 9 May 2026, 19:09, archived)

Asked a few locals, they said it's good. But for 3x the price I should eat elsewhere.

( mongychops, Sat 9 May 2026, 18:24, archived)

I've just been to the oldest restaurant in the world
It was fucking terrible
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Sat 9 May 2026, 14:41, archived)

What a shame

( mongychops, Sat 9 May 2026, 14:47, archived)

Amazing building
300 year old wood oven, so much history. Terrible grub. Still glad I went
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Sat 9 May 2026, 15:14, archived)

Got to try

( mongychops, Sat 9 May 2026, 15:31, archived)

What's it called?

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sat 9 May 2026, 17:44, archived)

I know a restaurant with a wooden leg named Smith

( vladimir, Sat 9 May 2026, 17:48, archived)

I'M SORRY 😭
Rules in London, Botin in Madrid?
( vladimir, Sat 9 May 2026, 17:50, archived)

ahaha "Rules in London, Botin in Madrid" has such pleasingly strong "business in the front, party in the back" energy
( vladimir, Sat 9 May 2026, 17:51, archived)

I have been to both of those
Botin is older and was today's luncheon. Both are great experiences but the tucker is mediocre at Rules and actively poor at Botin. I mean really poor. They've had 300 years to learn how to roast suckling pig but haven't worked it out yet. Any day now, I'm sure
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Sat 9 May 2026, 20:47, archived)

What's its other leg called?

( Smash Monkey 2 Cannot actually train spiders, Sat 9 May 2026, 17:53, archived)

yessssssssss :)))))) \o/

( vladimir, Sat 9 May 2026, 18:00, archived)

Clowns at all the other tables?

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Sun 10 May 2026, 0:03, archived)

Hello MiseryCunt

( vladimir, Sat 9 May 2026, 17:44, archived)

morning

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Sat 9 May 2026, 5:50, archived)

Just

( mongychops, Sat 9 May 2026, 5:57, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/8474377
( Cheers Cheers, Sat 9 May 2026, 6:24, archived)

Gonnie Tyler

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Sat 9 May 2026, 6:46, archived)

what?
b3ta.com/talk/8474307
( Invisible Wizard - 13th Level Scrote, Sat 9 May 2026, 7:58, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/8474199
(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Sat 9 May 2026, 8:42, archived)

Buongiorno a tutti

( djrich - Live from Houghton Regis too rass, Sat 9 May 2026, 8:46, archived)

ENGLISH, MOTHERFUCKER, DO YOU SPEAK IT?

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sat 9 May 2026, 8:47, archived)

No sorry only forrin

( djrich - Live from Houghton Regis too rass, Sat 9 May 2026, 8:54, archived)

Classical forrin or modern vernacular?

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sat 9 May 2026, 9:23, archived)

Ah, si, deffo leppardo

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Sat 9 May 2026, 9:09, archived)

Scorchio!

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sat 9 May 2026, 9:31, archived)

che cosa e lo stucciacatori di polli?

(piss and shit, Sat 9 May 2026, 15:05, archived)

Eat my piss

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Sat 9 May 2026, 2:04, archived)

NO U

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sat 9 May 2026, 2:06, archived)

Now in handy 'ice cube' format!

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 9 May 2026, 2:12, archived)

Remember where the huskies go
Don't you eat that yellow snow
( Smash Monkey 2 Cannot actually train spiders, Sat 9 May 2026, 2:47, archived)

It was a good day

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Sat 9 May 2026, 10:40, archived)

I'm stuck in the hospital
What I thought was trapped wind turned out to be a severe kidney infection and a fever. Just got transferred to a ward and I'm going to sleep.
( Smash Monkey 2 Cannot actually train spiders, Sat 9 May 2026, 2:47, archived)

Sorry to hear that.
Get well soon.
( Octo I ruin everything., Sat 9 May 2026, 5:40, archived)

at this rate you should get a family discount

(piss and shit, Sat 9 May 2026, 11:06, archived)

You're not fucking kidding
I'm sick of the sight of the place
( Smash Monkey 2 Cannot actually train spiders, Sat 9 May 2026, 12:00, archived)

Ok now what

( broadsword, Sat 9 May 2026, 3:26, archived)

morning

( Cheers Cheers, Sat 9 May 2026, 5:09, archived)

get off me you bummer

(piss and shit, Sat 9 May 2026, 11:06, archived)

It's all about bloody Attenborough
50%
www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c1e2pdw1808o
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 8 May 2026, 14:11, archived)

16% Terry Nutkins‘ nutsack

( Cheers Cheers, Fri 8 May 2026, 14:42, archived)

Turtle power!

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Fri 8 May 2026, 14:49, archived)

zero visibility

(piss and shit, Fri 8 May 2026, 16:06, archived)

Deez nutz

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 8 May 2026, 15:47, archived)

100%
because I am great
(piss and shit, Fri 8 May 2026, 14:51, archived)

100% fuck's sake I only get full marks on the fucking quiz that's about some bloke who was born a fucking century ago

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Fri 8 May 2026, 14:55, archived)

This means you are now a boomer.
I am so sorry.
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Fri 8 May 2026, 15:31, archived)

Yeah I kind of suspected it anyway, but thanks.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Fri 8 May 2026, 15:56, archived)

-o -m
+n
( Invisible Wizard - 13th Level Scrote, Fri 8 May 2026, 22:15, archived)

“Mark Hamill is one sick individual,” the post said. “These Radical Left lunatics ‌just ⁠can’t help themselves. This kind of rhetoric is exactly what has inspired three assassination attempts in two years against our President.”
The quiz is blocked again, they're angry about my great score last week
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 8 May 2026, 15:46, archived)

What do they expect from a sword-wielding terrorist?

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Fri 8 May 2026, 18:18, archived)

Won't load for me

( mongychops, Fri 8 May 2026, 15:51, archived)

argentina

(piss and shit, Fri 8 May 2026, 16:24, archived)

actual lol

( Cheers Cheers, Fri 8 May 2026, 17:09, archived)

Fucking hell, just clicked a sticklebricks post

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Fri 8 May 2026, 17:49, archived)

ahahahahahahhahahaaaaa
10/10 well done
( vladimir, Sat 9 May 2026, 17:45, archived)

50% ham

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 May 2026, 16:35, archived)

Samesies

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Fri 8 May 2026, 19:47, archived)

100%
But I watch his shows a lot
( Smash Monkey 2 Cannot actually train spiders, Fri 8 May 2026, 21:39, archived)

well done. goodnighgt

( MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Fri 8 May 2026, 22:43, archived)

I like when talk bird and jungle creatures fun
#claworbeak
(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Sat 9 May 2026, 0:00, archived)

FARAGE 4 PM!!!

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Fri 8 May 2026, 12:46, archived)

A racist piece of shit whose death would benefit mankind

( Cheers Cheers, Fri 8 May 2026, 12:48, archived)

And Farage is a cunt as well
lolrofl
( Cheers Cheers, Fri 8 May 2026, 12:49, archived)

pmsl

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Fri 8 May 2026, 13:12, archived)

Historic shit in British politics

( broadsword, Fri 8 May 2026, 12:52, archived)

What is Farage doing at 4pm?
Committing ritualistic suicide? Great, I'll tune in.
( Octo I ruin everything., Fri 8 May 2026, 13:16, archived)

There is always the hope that the next B&H he sticks in his rancid mouth
is the one that has an eventual outome of him using a voice box to speak. I don't want him dead, but if he spoke sounding like a vibrator that'd be lovely.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 8 May 2026, 13:18, archived)

200 bensons 25 dollars. He should move

( mongychops, Fri 8 May 2026, 13:48, archived)

I got something like £200 of baccy in Malta for something like £25

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 May 2026, 14:16, archived)

you very clearly got £25 of tobacco

(piss and shit, Fri 8 May 2026, 14:52, archived)

something like £200 of baccy = a pile of fallen leaves, something like £25 = my anal virginity

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 8 May 2026, 15:49, archived)

They're virtually paying you to kill yourself very slowly and unpleasantly.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Fri 8 May 2026, 15:55, archived)

morning
- looks like another five years of Silly government
( Invisible Wizard - 13th Level Scrote, Fri 8 May 2026, 7:07, archived)

Scilly Government
( Cheers Cheers, Fri 8 May 2026, 7:14, archived)

Gonnie Tyler

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Fri 8 May 2026, 7:16, archived)

george went

(piss and shit, Fri 8 May 2026, 8:12, archived)

James sub-Prime

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Fri 8 May 2026, 8:16, archived)

Morning

( Smash Monkey 2 Cannot actually train spiders, Fri 8 May 2026, 8:01, archived)

Good to see the Turkeys voting for Christmas.

( Octo I ruin everything., Fri 8 May 2026, 8:12, archived)

Looks like another thousand years of glorious rule under the iron fist of Aardvark, to me.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Fri 8 May 2026, 8:12, archived)

You'd like Hanoi then . Keeping the red flags flying

( mongychops, Fri 8 May 2026, 9:19, archived)

I feel like I'd probably like it anyway, I love going to new places.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Fri 8 May 2026, 11:33, archived)

It's fucking brilliant

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 May 2026, 11:36, archived)

Jet lag does me in. How people travel so far for a week or two baffles me. First few days I'm useless

( mongychops, Fri 8 May 2026, 11:40, archived)

Aus fucked me right up
By the time I felt normal it was home time
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 May 2026, 14:17, archived)

Happy Victory in Europe Day!

( $$ ✅, Fri 8 May 2026, 8:43, archived)

Morning
Went to see Simon Reeve's show last night. It was super, man, oh hahaha!
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Fri 8 May 2026, 8:58, archived)

Morning

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 8 May 2026, 9:29, archived)

Candles

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 May 2026, 10:00, archived)

lol noob

( Cheers Cheers, Fri 8 May 2026, 10:06, archived)

I deleted my old profile after I got doxxed
Should be about 25 of the buggers.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 8 May 2026, 10:09, archived)

One more candle and you've got a menorah

( Smash Monkey 2 Cannot actually train spiders, Fri 8 May 2026, 10:22, archived)

I've got a menorah as I type this

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 May 2026, 11:14, archived)

WILLY government more like

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 May 2026, 11:14, archived)

When will that fucking David Attenborough cunt just fucking die?

( Octo I ruin everything., Thu 7 May 2026, 20:49, archived)

probably a while after you m8

( MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Thu 7 May 2026, 20:51, archived)

you want to fuck him so bad it makes you look stupid

(piss and shit, Thu 7 May 2026, 20:52, archived)

True

( Octo I ruin everything., Thu 7 May 2026, 21:45, archived)

don't admit it, it makes you look stupid

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 7 May 2026, 22:38, archived)

^Mayor of Edgeware

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Thu 7 May 2026, 20:55, archived)

I can't tell you exactly but I can tell you roughly

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 7 May 2026, 21:09, archived)

i can tell by the look in your eyes

( MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Thu 7 May 2026, 21:28, archived)

Probably this year or next year.

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Thu 7 May 2026, 21:35, archived)

wrong

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 7 May 2026, 21:37, archived)

Gonnie Tyler

( Invisible Wizard - 13th Level Scrote, Thu 7 May 2026, 21:54, archived)

Phil Coffins

( Octo I ruin everything., Thu 7 May 2026, 22:00, archived)

WHAT

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Fri 8 May 2026, 6:39, archived)

Take his name out of your fucking mouth

( Smash Monkey 2 Cannot actually train spiders, Thu 7 May 2026, 22:48, archived)

David 'avehimburied

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 8 May 2026, 0:57, archived)

evening

( MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Thu 7 May 2026, 20:10, archived)

big if true

(piss and shit, Thu 7 May 2026, 20:14, archived)

Evening
Managed to sort the card problem out with the help of an incredibly nice bank manager and got to go shopping after all.
( Smash Monkey 2 Cannot actually train spiders, Thu 7 May 2026, 20:23, archived)

we've just been issued with new rule books
printed and sent out nationally, that have a typo in them so that it says 'tit'

so that's amused me today
(piss and shit, Thu 7 May 2026, 15:38, archived)

Tit

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 7 May 2026, 15:49, archived)

lol

(piss and shit, Thu 7 May 2026, 15:50, archived)

Lol

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 7 May 2026, 15:52, archived)

TELL ME AGAIN, HUMAN

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 7 May 2026, 15:52, archived)

Tit lol

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 7 May 2026, 16:03, archived)

I am glitching here. I trust you both completely, of course, but something doesn't stack up here
( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 7 May 2026, 16:08, archived)

lol

(piss and shit, Thu 7 May 2026, 17:00, archived)

titstack

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 7 May 2026, 18:32, archived)

breast tape

(piss and shit, Thu 7 May 2026, 21:21, archived)

bust binder

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 7 May 2026, 21:37, archived)

lol tit

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 7 May 2026, 15:51, archived)

lol

(piss and shit, Thu 7 May 2026, 15:56, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/8474262
( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 7 May 2026, 15:56, archived)

tit lol

(piss and shit, Thu 7 May 2026, 16:05, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/8474270
( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 7 May 2026, 16:08, archived)

Did it make you titter?

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Thu 7 May 2026, 16:04, archived)

titter? I only just met her!

(piss and shit, Thu 7 May 2026, 16:05, archived)

You can't say titler

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Thu 7 May 2026, 16:09, archived)

"titler"
- what you gonna do about that, eh?
( Invisible Wizard - 13th Level Scrote, Thu 7 May 2026, 16:17, archived)

SAY IT AGAIN

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 7 May 2026, 16:19, archived)

no im shy

( Invisible Wizard - 13th Level Scrote, Thu 7 May 2026, 17:38, archived)

+T

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Thu 7 May 2026, 18:09, archived)

Haha, my textbooks had funny words in too like "penis" and "spastic"

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 7 May 2026, 16:39, archived)

Scribbling in your schoolwork isn't big or clever

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 7 May 2026, 16:41, archived)

I thought the giant penis coming out of Sextus' tunic and going up the wolf's bum was pretty clever.

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 7 May 2026, 17:13, archived)

Lol, Sex

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Thu 7 May 2026, 20:11, archived)

^ read how to bum spastics and get away with it

( mongychops, Thu 7 May 2026, 16:42, archived)

In America they'd be fanny spazzes

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 7 May 2026, 17:15, archived)

^GSWLIUTBBFOGS

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Thu 7 May 2026, 19:51, archived)

yes well, that makes sense for you
as you are a spastic penis
(piss and shit, Thu 7 May 2026, 16:44, archived)

my penis is pretty spastic right now

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 7 May 2026, 17:16, archived)

= spenis, maybe yours, etc.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Thu 7 May 2026, 19:51, archived)

Actually, 'spanis' works better, as in 'hfly.'

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Thu 7 May 2026, 19:52, archived)

textbooks passport page for Official Observations
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Thu 7 May 2026, 17:04, archived)

Yes, it's extremely important that customs officials are made aware of my 12 inch penis and almost spastically tight buttocks.

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 7 May 2026, 17:20, archived)

What's tit all about?

( broadsword, Thu 7 May 2026, 19:42, archived)

I am titting here. I trust you both completely, of course, but something doesn't stack up here

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 8 May 2026, 0:59, archived)

Pushing that prick down the board

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 7 May 2026, 8:24, archived)

Why are you like this?

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Thu 7 May 2026, 8:29, archived)

Maybe...
www.nhs.uk/conditions/fetal-alcohol-spectrum-disorder/
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 7 May 2026, 8:35, archived)

I think you're on to something

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 7 May 2026, 8:44, archived)

FASD and furious

( broadsword, Thu 7 May 2026, 12:45, archived)

Gin Diesel

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Thu 7 May 2026, 12:55, archived)

Ludapissed

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 7 May 2026, 14:45, archived)

Tokyo Drink

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Thu 7 May 2026, 15:05, archived)

Fatal Amstrad Spectrum Commodoreder

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Thu 7 May 2026, 13:31, archived)

FASDBURGERS

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 7 May 2026, 13:42, archived)

Fage Against She Machine
Fanic! At She Disco
Fool And She Dang
Frankie Aoes So Dollywood
Fike And She Dechanics
Furiosity Ailled She Dat
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Thu 7 May 2026, 13:50, archived)

The New Fast Automatic Saffodilld

(piss and shit, Thu 7 May 2026, 15:39, archived)

I was born this way

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 7 May 2026, 8:44, archived)

l'orrible

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 7 May 2026, 16:05, archived)

Hello
if you're pushing that prick down the board I'm gonna update you with the cat situation in the house.

New cat, Boston, is really enjoying being in the house and is very affectionate and playful but still quite insecure. He's caught sight of Aggie a few times and makes cute noises at her.

Aggie is utterly unimpressed at his needy whining. She's been leaving and entering the house through a bedroom window to avoid him but has been getting closer and is not hissing as much so that's progress.

We've done the usual stuff of zoning the house and letting them slowly see each other from a distance, swapping things that smell of each other. Tonight we may break out the cat-calm scent plug in diffusers and let them both out at the same time. See what happens. Fur may fly.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 7 May 2026, 8:40, archived)

^ getting mad pussy

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Thu 7 May 2026, 8:43, archived)

Lol plug

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 7 May 2026, 8:45, archived)

I think you are doing beautiful things here
( vladimir, Thu 7 May 2026, 10:17, archived)

That's EXACTLY what I said to Boston yesterday
as he emptied his bowels in front of me and produced two turds that would make a bear proud. God. The smell. He also pisses with the power of a pressure washer. They neighbours garden's are NOT going to know what hit them when this boi is finallly allowed out...
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 7 May 2026, 10:56, archived)

and yet people on here think that dog owners are cunts, at least we pick our pet's shit up

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Thu 7 May 2026, 12:05, archived)

posting this again
vole.wtf/dog-poo-golf/
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 8 May 2026, 1:00, archived)

cat-calm scent butt
( Cheers Cheers, Thu 7 May 2026, 12:32, archived)

Fucking cash machine ate my card

( Smash Monkey 2 Cannot actually train spiders, Thu 7 May 2026, 8:56, archived)

There's a punk song in there

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 7 May 2026, 9:01, archived)

Didn't realise westerners were still fascinating in Vietnam. Thought they saw loads up to the early 70s

( mongychops, Thu 7 May 2026, 9:14, archived)

have you had an egg coffee yet?
I kinda liked it
( $$ ✅, Thu 7 May 2026, 9:19, archived)

Nah, only really my first day. I'm strolling around trying to get pissed. It's not that easy .

( mongychops, Thu 7 May 2026, 9:25, archived)

This is a yolk, surely?

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 7 May 2026, 9:25, archived)

A raw yolk at that

( mongychops, Thu 7 May 2026, 9:30, archived)

guilty laugh

( vladimir, Thu 7 May 2026, 10:18, archived)

I grew up believing Charlie never forgets

( mongychops, Thu 7 May 2026, 10:38, archived)

I thought that was elephants.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Thu 7 May 2026, 11:08, archived)

Gooks too

( mongychops, Thu 7 May 2026, 11:23, archived)

Got that in China too, despite there being loads of us.
I think it's the folk who have travelled from their village to the big city for the first time in their lives. We don't tend to stray too far from the tourist routes, so they probably haven't seen one before.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Thu 7 May 2026, 10:42, archived)

In a small place in Japan school buses would stop so the kids could wave and take pictures. Walked past a primary school at home time. Many chats

( mongychops, Thu 7 May 2026, 10:52, archived)

Hows the sucky-sucky?

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 7 May 2026, 13:44, archived)

$10

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 7 May 2026, 14:48, archived)

horbs

( $$ ✅, Thu 7 May 2026, 9:19, archived)

morning

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Thu 7 May 2026, 7:28, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/8474197
( Cheers Cheers, Thu 7 May 2026, 7:35, archived)

Morning.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Thu 7 May 2026, 7:45, archived)

My 2nd of the day then

( mongychops, Thu 7 May 2026, 7:58, archived)

Thursday whoop do doo

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 7 May 2026, 8:11, archived)

Classic /chat

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 6 May 2026, 20:03, archived)

clat

( MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Wed 6 May 2026, 20:36, archived)

Maybe yours will LOOK JUST PISS OFF, OK?

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Wed 6 May 2026, 20:38, archived)

alright

( MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Wed 6 May 2026, 22:55, archived)

Alright

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 6 May 2026, 23:39, archived)

morning

( MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Thu 7 May 2026, 0:41, archived)

fuck i can't sleep again :/ need to be up at 05:15

( MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Thu 7 May 2026, 1:15, archived)

gah

( MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Thu 7 May 2026, 2:51, archived)

NO!
- you need* /cHAT 2.0!


* upgrade to /chat forfeits any previously held rights; may include soul
( Invisible Wizard - 13th Level Scrote, Wed 6 May 2026, 21:27, archived)

Good morning Vietnam! Lol . 7am here

( mongychops, Thu 7 May 2026, 1:17, archived)

Early afternoon

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Wed 6 May 2026, 12:26, archived)

Is that a greeting, perhaps as a conversation starter, or are you just reminding us of the time of day?
What do you want from us?
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 6 May 2026, 12:29, archived)

Why are you like this?

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Wed 6 May 2026, 13:25, archived)

I've got a cocktail stick jammed sideways up my manhole, and it's making me irritable.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 6 May 2026, 13:49, archived)

Oh, I thought you enjoyed that.

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Wed 6 May 2026, 13:55, archived)

I thought so too :(
But at least we were wrong together.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 6 May 2026, 14:07, archived)

Worst game of Kerplunk ever

( Cheers Cheers, Wed 6 May 2026, 14:13, archived)

Kersplat

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 6 May 2026, 14:22, archived)

Kerstunk

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 6 May 2026, 14:22, archived)

Kerspunk
(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Wed 6 May 2026, 14:22, archived)

Kerasualty

( vladimir, Wed 6 May 2026, 14:49, archived)

Kerplunky Katona

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 6 May 2026, 15:27, archived)

n/n/n

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Wed 6 May 2026, 15:35, archived)

Evening, off to Ali bar in a moment. Only a short utterly baffling walk down alleys

( mongychops, Wed 6 May 2026, 12:59, archived)

Good flight?
I'm considering a holiday in Manila next year, never been outside of Europe before.
(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Wed 6 May 2026, 13:26, archived)

1st flight was alright. 2nd was a bit of a cunt. Mainly because I was tired and grumpy. It was 3 am in Doha. I was done in

( mongychops, Wed 6 May 2026, 14:03, archived)

I quite enjoyed wandering through Doha airport in the middle of the night last year,
the vulgar displays of ostentatious wealth were undeniably impressive, however tacky. Like being trapped in a casino where gambling was illegal.

Reading that back, sounds fucking awful. Reckon I must have been hallucinating. Still, at least when I was there, it was just the Israelis bombing it.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Wed 6 May 2026, 21:39, archived)

Dead Turner

( $$ ✅, Wed 6 May 2026, 16:03, archived)

Thought she died a few years ago

( broadsword, Wed 6 May 2026, 20:01, archived)

No m8
JMW Turner. Taken 2 soon
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 6 May 2026, 20:06, archived)

Gonnie Tyler

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Wed 6 May 2026, 20:33, archived)

Total Collapse of the Heart
She’s not dead, but you’d better believe I’m linking back to this when she is
( Cheers Cheers, Wed 6 May 2026, 20:39, archived)

I bagsy posting 'deeper underground' when jay kay carks it

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Wed 6 May 2026, 21:28, archived)

Too Old To Not Die

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Wed 6 May 2026, 21:30, archived)

I hate it when they only have one song that anyone remembers.
I remember her having other, much less successful songs, but I couldn't even hazard a guess what any of them were.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Wed 6 May 2026, 21:33, archived)

turn around, brighteyes
It genuinely still upsets me how shit that song was
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 6 May 2026, 23:32, archived)

It's a Heartache

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Thu 7 May 2026, 7:29, archived)

morning

( MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Wed 6 May 2026, 5:21, archived)

m_rning

( Cheers Cheers, Wed 6 May 2026, 5:59, archived)

fuck _ff then

( Cheers Cheers, Wed 6 May 2026, 6:34, archived)

y_u fucking stupid fucking cunt

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Wed 6 May 2026, 8:16, archived)

morning
My sunrise alarm with birdsong is pre-empted and drowned out by the actual sunrise and birdsong.
( Invisible Wizard - 13th Level Scrote, Wed 6 May 2026, 6:37, archived)

The sooner we replace all this unruly nature with AI, the better.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Wed 6 May 2026, 8:37, archived)

Set your alarm to "bone-chilling dinosaurian screechings of a pack of seagulls", which should definitely drown out any namby-pamby twitterings from whatever birds roost near your house.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Wed 6 May 2026, 9:26, archived)

Moderate to rough, northeasterly, rising, becoming good.
That was the penis forecast with Aardvark.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 6 May 2026, 6:41, archived)

penis LOL

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Wed 6 May 2026, 7:46, archived)

B3ta blocked by star link. I'm in Hanoi, just got here. Bit warm

( mongychops, Wed 6 May 2026, 9:01, archived)

Can't get on b3ta? That sounds very hanoi-ing.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 6 May 2026, 9:48, archived)

I can here. Just not before, 2nd plane from Qatar, banned

( mongychops, Wed 6 May 2026, 9:56, archived)

It's probably all the ham.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Wed 6 May 2026, 12:41, archived)

Morning

( Smash Monkey 2 Cannot actually train spiders, Wed 6 May 2026, 9:20, archived)

Morning. You recovered from the weekend yet?

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 6 May 2026, 10:31, archived)

Yep

( Smash Monkey 2 Cannot actually train spiders, Wed 6 May 2026, 16:56, archived)

Hellooooo

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 6 May 2026, 10:31, archived)

Well well well, it's raining here and it's cold.

( Octo I ruin everything., Wed 6 May 2026, 11:35, archived)

Fucking hell guy's, I am in one fancy hotel here
Just had a wee gander at the room service menu: jamon and bread: €40

Best not raid the mini bar eh
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 5 May 2026, 16:32, archived)

Jamon motherfucker

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 5 May 2026, 16:37, archived)

Jamon ja-mon
Jamon ja-mon
Jamon ja-mon ja-mon

I'm the leader, I'm the leader

Oh. Not allowed to sing that any more are we :(
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 5 May 2026, 16:43, archived)

I'm at 25,000 ft. Surely that's enough

( mongychops, Tue 5 May 2026, 16:40, archived)

Nice

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 5 May 2026, 16:44, archived)

^ takes it up the Gary

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Tue 5 May 2026, 17:01, archived)

alright mongy safe trip mate

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Tue 5 May 2026, 17:23, archived)

probably can't speak english any more :(

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 6 May 2026, 0:42, archived)

-gander at the room service menu: jamon and bread: €40 +in the sink

( Cheers Cheers, Tue 5 May 2026, 16:41, archived)

Got to mark your territory m8

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 5 May 2026, 16:43, archived)

you wee your cock in my sink?
in my sink
sink
you wee your cock in my sink
( MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Tue 5 May 2026, 21:23, archived)

Might treat myself to a bottle of Barolo
Only €340
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 5 May 2026, 16:48, archived)

Bar-lol-o, more like.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Tue 5 May 2026, 18:49, archived)

€40? You can jamon that up your arseon.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Tue 5 May 2026, 16:49, archived)

arseon jambaro

( Cheers Cheers, Tue 5 May 2026, 16:54, archived)

serious lardon here

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Tue 5 May 2026, 19:02, archived)

serious gnome with a
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Tue 5 May 2026, 20:13, archived)

Marco Rubio, the US secretary of state, does not have a face made from poorly stitched-together offcuts of spoiled meat

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Tue 5 May 2026, 19:00, archived)

I like his natural coloured hair

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 5 May 2026, 21:06, archived)

Pete Hegseth, the US secretary of defense, may have the face of a ham marinaded in cider, but it certainly cost more than 50p.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Tue 5 May 2026, 21:07, archived)

Pete Hegseth's wife, the wife of the US secretary of defense, is definitely worth more than 50p, but she still loves some ham in cider

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 6 May 2026, 1:57, archived)

Rob could get you 69 hams for that, at today's rates.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Tue 5 May 2026, 21:07, archived)

If you want to raid the minibar
Vodka and gin can be topped up with water. Whisky can be topped up using the complimentary teabags.
( Smash Monkey 2 Cannot actually train spiders, Tue 5 May 2026, 21:29, archived)

if it's as swanky as queef makes out the mini bars have sensors so they know when you take an item out and charge you anyway
or i might be making that up
( MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Tue 5 May 2026, 21:38, archived)

That's just what Big Hotel want you to think, wake up sheeple.
Or maybe it's true, dunno
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Tue 5 May 2026, 22:33, archived)

afternoon

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Tue 5 May 2026, 14:55, archived)

Whoah threadrush

( Cheers Cheers, Tue 5 May 2026, 15:09, archived)

The last hour and 20 minutes of this thread have been almost too much excitement to bear.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Tue 5 May 2026, 16:15, archived)

dude just when i was getting into it you start harshing all over the mellow

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Tue 5 May 2026, 16:24, archived)

What a CUNT

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Tue 5 May 2026, 16:58, archived)