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# Amazon Quirks
1. David Hasselhoff - stupid reviews.
2. Hand in the bush - more stupid reviews.
3. Easter Egg - for an ex employee.
4. 'People who wear clothes .... also buy underwear' - amusing wordage. Now gone.

Does anybody know anymore?
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Mon 4 Aug 2003, 10:52, archived)
# hmmmm
I do wonder.
(Squid Bunty, Mon 4 Aug 2003, 10:55, archived)
# Not really an Amazon quirk
but I think this product is fantastic.
(I helped save b3ta! ?!, Mon 4 Aug 2003, 10:55, archived)
# Also, the second review
of the King James Bible is good.

"This book is one of the most disjointed novels I've read in a long while. If you think about it, it's more a collection of short stories by various authors that tell the story of God and his sundry children, most of them Hebraic. God is a pretty powerful heavy, though it's implied that he incorporeal and invisible. Although he's usually depicted in the movies sitting on a throne and sporting a long beard, in "Exodus," he appears as a bolt of fire. Other places in the book, he speaks as a burning bush. Excellent special fx all throughout."
(I helped save b3ta! ?!, Mon 4 Aug 2003, 10:56, archived)
# oooh
that's more like it. Thanks.
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Mon 4 Aug 2003, 10:57, archived)
# i love the review below that one...
"The Bible is the best fantasy epic since "The Lord of the Rings"!"
(I helped save b3ta! smirny ~(8(|), Mon 4 Aug 2003, 11:20, archived)
# the eleventh one for that is quite odd as well:
"There arent enough good fights in this book and I think harry potter is better at magic than Jerus. Some magic was great like the feeding of one hundred from only ten or eleven fish but apart from that nothing special. Read most but not all of it as after Noer, it was kind of boring. That guy lived for years!! "
(doltage, Mon 4 Aug 2003, 14:04, archived)
# Huh, I don't believe anything in the bible.
He'd probably find my lack of faith disturbing.

Edit: this.
(I helped save b3ta! Baz Fuck off, Mon 4 Aug 2003, 10:57, archived)
# All your fav passages read by
Mr Vader himself.
(I helped save b3ta! Gaz, Mon 4 Aug 2003, 12:29, archived)
# Know what the world needs?
An mp3 sample of the King James Earl Jones version of the Bible, mixed with the Vader filter and breathing FX.
(I helped save b3ta! Rob T Firefly talked, like, William Shatner, on, Wed 6 Aug 2003, 3:31, archived)
# That's nothing...
You haven't lived until you've heard Ben Vereen read the "jive version" of the Pentateuch.

I remember hearing this once. Genesis 1:1 went something like "When the Almighty was down with his program, he made heaven and earth." "Thou shalt not kill" became "Don't waste nobody."
(tpoh, Sat 9 Aug 2003, 7:21, archived)
# The Hasslehoff one
is a fine classic.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Drink, Mon 4 Aug 2003, 10:55, archived)
# I was hoping that there's more
I've been googling for about an hour now.
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Mon 4 Aug 2003, 10:56, archived)
# Christ
there are now 690 reviews for it!
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Drink, Mon 4 Aug 2003, 11:04, archived)
# david hasselhoff's reviews
are fantastic
(I helped save b3ta! Sunshine Elephant, Mon 4 Aug 2003, 10:56, archived)
# What the bastard
is that 4th one all about?
(Ellis, Mon 4 Aug 2003, 10:59, archived)
# here
www.hudakville.com/tyler/amazon.html
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Mon 4 Aug 2003, 11:03, archived)
# Cheers
:)
(Ellis, Mon 4 Aug 2003, 11:06, archived)
# The boy's a legend
He reviewed this !

www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0961764902/cm_aya_asin.title/104-0096557-5716772?v=glance&s=books
(Waisted Fred I say who Sir, you Sir?, Mon 4 Aug 2003, 11:43, archived)
# thats excellent..
i love the third one.. about the ally mcbeal theme tune :)
(thundercat, Mon 4 Aug 2003, 13:58, archived)
# This is a bit odd though:
"She'll hold it to the point of exploding before she'll go without the command. --This text refers to the Paperback edition."

Has the technique been refined from that presented in hardback?
(I helped save b3ta! Cromagnon Don't waste my motherfucking time!, Mon 4 Aug 2003, 14:45, archived)
# not sure
if this is what you mean, but henry raddick writes a lot of reviews on amazon
(I helped save b3ta! rogan, Mon 4 Aug 2003, 10:59, archived)
# Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!
www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/search-handle-url/index=books&field-author=Search%2C%20Gay/104-0776922-4397525

There's someone called "Gay Search".
(I helped save b3ta! Baz Fuck off, Mon 4 Aug 2003, 11:03, archived)
# I remember
she was on Gardeners World, classic comedy
(Ellis, Mon 4 Aug 2003, 11:06, archived)
# Yes
But how did you happen to find that by accident?
(Sybil 'n' Tess, Mon 4 Aug 2003, 16:55, archived)
# Her books aren't very good though;
Gardening without a garden: 30 used & new from $4.99
(I helped save b3ta! RarelyEvil, Fri 8 Aug 2003, 16:27, archived)
# that
is sheer genius.
I am in imminent danger of being sacked because i cannot stop laughing like a twat.
(Daveybaby, Mon 4 Aug 2003, 14:06, archived)
# i'm crying here
==
Krups 215-17 Citizen Home Shoeshine Kit Krups


This item is not stocked or has been discontinued.

15 of 19 people found the following review helpful:
Tremendous May 6, 2002
An excellent kit for keeping those shoes nicely buffed. I also found an additional useful feature when I accidentally dropped a coin next to my home shoeshine kit and it told me that word on the street was the Gambinis had been taking heat from the DA's office on account of that business with Frankie the Snake.
==

aaaaa hahahhahahaha, genius
(I helped save b3ta! spiny - things are looking up, Mon 4 Aug 2003, 15:00, archived)
# or:
Liberating the Adult Within: Moving from Childish Responses to Authentic Adulthood by Helen Kramer

Out of Print--Limited Availability



16 of 17 people found the following review helpful:
***** You can lead a horse to water May 21, 2002
My teenage son's puerile behaviour is becoming an increasing cause for concern and so I bought this superb guide for him. He would have seen sound advice rendered in easily readable form and top tips for achieving maturity had he read it rather than covering it with crass drawings of male genitals.
(Daveybaby, Mon 4 Aug 2003, 16:35, archived)
# There was a rumour that the Henry Raddick was
prince Charles
(I helped save b3ta! Duncan Disorderly, Fri 8 Aug 2003, 19:00, archived)
# the palm for £1.99 or whatever it was?
does that count?
(martian, Mon 4 Aug 2003, 11:03, archived)
# Cheap PDA
I got quoted on BBC News because of that:
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/business/2864461.stm

Didn't get one, but it livened up a dull morning
(Scary, Wed 6 Aug 2003, 16:18, archived)
# it's not from amazon but IMDB
my friends went to town on Mila Ass Painting, making it out to be an art house classic, then they spotted the awards section: Most Outrageous Sex Scene - "Ass Artist". apparantly in the film a woman puts tubes of paint up her arse and squirts them at a canvas. then sells them.
(I helped save b3ta! evil pixie, Mon 4 Aug 2003, 11:03, archived)
# I don't know about Amazon
but evidently you are big in Japan!
(Indole Ring, Mon 4 Aug 2003, 11:03, archived)
# what about
the harry potter vibrating broom?

can't find it - might've been deleted?
(I helped save b3ta! limpfish, Mon 4 Aug 2003, 11:04, archived)
# oh yes
that was a classic. I think it's gone. The old link doesn't work.
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Mon 4 Aug 2003, 11:06, archived)
# I've got a text file of some of my favourite mad reviews
A sample:


Sonic Youth - Silver Session

My uncle curtis was dissing me the other night saying you need to expand your music horizon and listen to somthing other than nirvarna. He said that sonic youth was miles ahead of them and raidohead put together. So I took the bait. I went through my uncle curts cds one day when he was out looking for a job and picked this Silver Album out and took it home. Man he dosn't even know what he's talking about!! Nirvarna is way better then this mess. He said they had did some album like the white album and it was some kind of take on that and it was pure genius and they had did madonna on it, but this must no have been the one even though its the silver album or whatever. He had even said that there was a pretty blond girl who sang really cool and looks like my sister (yuck.) Well she must not of been on this one because from what I heard there is no vocals and these arent even songs. Its a mess, just loud guitars noise like they slammed there guitars in the wall and just took out there furustration. I put it on and you should of seen the cat. He woke up out of his sixteen hour sleep and he just stared at me the most evil stare you ever saw. For like ten minutes he stared right at me probably thinking he could use telepithy to make me it turn off. It was like he saw a ghost or something. And them my sister Caitly came in and I just turned it up all the way to ten to blast out her talking. So I think if you want good artistic music from real talent then buy in utero by nirvarna if you want your cat to look at you like he's on drugs then buy this and play it for him. He might actually like it.

~~


(Silver Session is basically 45 minutes of feedback, so I guess it's a fair review, really)
(wingnutkj, Mon 4 Aug 2003, 11:15, archived)
# cool
can you chuck up a few links to your favourite reviews?
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Mon 4 Aug 2003, 11:18, archived)
# Hrm
Most of them aren't as funny as I remember. I was sure it was a collection of unintentional comedy genius; in fact I appear to have collected a few comments which are vaguely amusing if you know the subject of the review intimately and enjoy sneering at the less well-informed. Anyway:

Seminal cyberpunk classic "nothing new":
www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0441569595/ref=cm_rev_next/103-5727998-4620603?vi=customer-reviews&show=-submittime&start-at=120

"Steve Albini is a close friend of mine":
www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B0000019GE/ref=cm_rev_next/103-5727998-4620603?v=glance&s=music&n=507846&vi=customer-reviews&show=-submittime&start-at=9

Reviewer explains critical plot twist in detail before commenting "[it was] completely unexpected in the cinema when it appeared":
www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B00004BZIY/ref=cm_rev_next/103-5727998-4620603?v=glance&s=dvd&n=507846&vi=customer-reviews&show=-submittime&start-at=42 (um, if you haven't seen Sixth Sense and don't want to know the twist, um, a shark attacks his helicopter)

I'll post some more later.
(wingnutkj, Mon 4 Aug 2003, 11:58, archived)
# albini is a close personal friend man
also has some other interesting reviews

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/cm/member-reviews/-/A1KMUFR1GCFQQY/1/ref=cm_cr_auth/102-0008449-1030532

The Deer Hunter:
"Look, I was in 'Nam and this movie captures nothing but a few tears from weepy card burning hippies who used to throw eggs on us back in the day."

Please also note that Forbidden Planet and Taxi Driver are both the "BEST MOVIE EVER".
(I helped save b3ta! Mingus wonders where all the time went, Tue 5 Aug 2003, 1:47, archived)
# I like the
"Look Inside" comment above the piccy of the front cover.

After Vaginal Fisting, you probably could.
(I helped save b3ta! LuftWaffle, Mon 4 Aug 2003, 11:28, archived)
# Erotic Sound Effects
There used to be some great reviews on this one:

www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B000002XJ8/qid=1059997511/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/102-6871298-5831360?v=glance&s=music

My favourite track is "Brief But Intense Female Orgasm"

Oh, and I've read the book "Hand in the bush", it's very very scary!
(I helped save b3ta! Bonce, Mon 4 Aug 2003, 12:59, archived)
# Quelle quoincidence
Have been dithering about trying to decide if I should admit to reading it too.

So I did. I suppose it expanded my horizons.
(mildlydiverting, Fri 8 Aug 2003, 13:12, archived)
# not a review as such
but I was looking for a phone.....

www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B0000A42X6/shopgenie/202-0951970-4969451

scroll down
(punitive coma, Mon 4 Aug 2003, 13:21, archived)
# !
I say - that's an odd collection of things...
(b, Mon 4 Aug 2003, 14:56, archived)
# That is
superb!
(Pickup_Stix, Thu 7 Aug 2003, 13:43, archived)
# Friends' reviews of book by mate.
A friend of mine wrote a book (in Welsh) that was actually quite good. We decided to honour it by writing a few reviews of it on Amazon. Don't worry - most of the reviews are in english.

(I helped save b3ta! Claws of Doom I am no longer infected, Mon 4 Aug 2003, 13:21, archived)
# i feel the need...
to point out that the third post is hilarious if you speak welsh...
(welshy, Mon 4 Aug 2003, 22:47, archived)
# This is all so great
I'm totally not going to do any work today.

edit: hey, weird! The guy in the next post said the same thing! And lots of friends of mine aren't really working this summer either. It's comforting to know that all across the land(s), there are loads of us going to work each day and just farting around, not really working. Just think of the untapped economic potential? I bet this is the real cause of recessions - - everyone just gets bored and fucks off at work.
(kookoobirdz, Wed 6 Aug 2003, 17:03, archived)
# Christian Rock?
The review from someone in greensboro, NC is just plain weird.

/edit, this is just making me do absolutely no work now. I'm guessing due to the huge number of odd septics getting mad reviews is easy.

I can only imagine what those dirty, wart-infested Iraqis must have thought when they heart the awesome rapping power of Hulk Hogan coming at them, from the chattanooga fule

(doltage, Mon 4 Aug 2003, 14:02, archived)
# Not hysterical but...
www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B0000089JE/ref=pd_sim_pm_dp_2/202-5022712-2539836
(I helped save b3ta! XCDinglyGoodCakes looks like we've got ourselves a reader, Mon 4 Aug 2003, 15:57, archived)
# Captain, the dilithium crystals.....
"customers who bought music by William Shatner also bought ..... CAN"?! Now that is bizarre.
(I helped save b3ta! pabulum, Thu 7 Aug 2003, 14:33, archived)
# Today you shall be a man
www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B0000080P1/qid=1060009528/sr=1-3/ref=sr_1_0_3/202-5022712-2539836
(I helped save b3ta! XCDinglyGoodCakes looks like we've got ourselves a reader, Mon 4 Aug 2003, 16:08, archived)
# jesus
Its been nearly 8 years since that came out.
(nospoon The Olympigs would have been more entertaining., Mon 4 Aug 2003, 16:16, archived)
# :)
The junkyard row "Frankenstein" by Mary Shelley is one of the first "how to" books published. She addressed the main issue of work force and salary in this highly praised dissertation about successful businesses and creating employees.

The work ethics Shelley defined are still in vogue. She established the law that career comes before impact analysis, scientific experimentation, and love. Most technicians still follow the advice published in 1818 by working day and night to put together the right solution for their clients regardless of the work environment.

Shelley points out that product based solutions fail while standards and protocols create the framework for a universal solution. Scientists embraced the philosophy to create simply because they could. Penicillin and the atomic bomb were born from the advancement of science. With the creation of stem cells, we see that Shelley's work has been implemented and that Doctor Frankenstein does indeed live.

However, Shelley does not just address the issue of increasing the work force, but how to manage relationships as the jobs get more stressful. Donn Gash, editor of Deviant Minds, in his excellent analysis of the true impact Shelley sees regarding the ultimate options for love states: "... what red-blooded heterosexual man would ignore his beautiful fiancée in favor of creating another man?"

There you have it. Work comes first. Before you start your next dot.com business -- read this book. Find out how you too can increase your team and create a winning strategy. You cannot go wrong with this 5 star classic trainer.
(I helped save b3ta! XCDinglyGoodCakes looks like we've got ourselves a reader, Mon 4 Aug 2003, 16:47, archived)
# Best quote ever.
Fark me. B3tans edjoomacate me more every day.
(Firestarter, Tue 5 Aug 2003, 8:50, archived)
# Paging Freud
Sex, Freud and Folly: The Truth About Psychotherapy

Wank takes the same hands-on approach to his subject matter as can be seen in "Freud's Sexual Fix" by Hans Shandy. Admittedly the author starts slowly, but he gradually builds pace before reaching a shattering conclusion.

(geetoo, Mon 4 Aug 2003, 16:56, archived)
# .
A realistic sense of irony
(I helped save b3ta! monkeon schmonkeon, Mon 4 Aug 2003, 17:26, archived)
# Not Amazon - Stoned Stones review
This is either drug-inspired brilliance or there is some kind of autotranslator involved - www.rollingstones.com/news/indexdtl.php?newsID=165

"Thought, for the area remains."
(HarryP, Mon 4 Aug 2003, 17:45, archived)
# Back to the future?
Halo 2:

People have rated this game when it isnt released till February 24 2004!

www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B00006IR20/ref=lm_lb_2/202-3307492-4645421
(Chutney_Pie, Mon 4 Aug 2003, 18:11, archived)
# Not a review
Just an odd thing to sell:
Preparation H Hemorrhoidal Suppositories (96 Suppositories)
The number one name in hemorrhoid relief for less than club-store prices.
(I helped save b3ta! ClovenHoovedUngulate, Mon 4 Aug 2003, 19:32, archived)
# The Family Circus! - A reflection of an American culture in decline
Really briliant reviews


I Had a Frightmare!
"Keane holds the suspense, keeping us on the edge of our seats--but it reminds us of the frailty of life, our darkest fears, our impending mortality..."

I'm Already Tucked in!
"Thelma Keane, the most unstable of the Klan, is sent over the edge by Dolly's feminist taunts..."

We Didn't Do It!
"Bil Keane's childhood cartoon primer which seeks to exonerate the Reagan administration from its complicity in the economic debacle that was the end of the 20th century..."

Sing Me a Loveaby?
"Bil Keane's cartoons are hung regularly on refrigerators throughout America, which he claims is more important to him than having his works hung in the Museum of Modern Art (which they are not)..."

Grandma Was Here!
"With the soon-to-be infamous phrase, "Grandma Was Here", Bil Keane ushers a new era of darkness into contemporary philosophical discourse...."

Daddy's Cap Is on Backwards
"His steadfast refusal to conform to the social order, by wearing his cap back 'backwards', is a not-to-thinly-veiled representation of his increasing love for Evangelical Christianity in terms of marital infidelity."



fantastic
(I helped save b3ta! Joelf, Mon 4 Aug 2003, 20:09, archived)
# a felt simon + garfunkel...
my fave has always been
www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B000002BF1/
bert+ ernie's greatest hits. the review with the line above is now gone, regrettably, but what's left is ace:
We were young, naive, and in love with the music, June 11, 1999
Reviewer: The artist, Bert ([email protected]) As the years go on, I look back with fond adoration of the musical/lyrical synergy that Ernie and I had... Although he kept me up at night sometimes, I really didn't hate it as I might have let on. Those were the times when I was inspired by Ernie's fire and his desire to explore new ideas. Granted, when he started looking into becoming a Tibetan monk, I decided that it was time to go on my merry way. I'll tell you though, Sesame Street has never seemed so long and lonely as the night that Ernie and I parted... Sure, we keep in touch, and we occasionally jam to the oldies. But, as for our musical relationship stands now, it's just like Ernie croons in "I don't want to live on the moon" there are so many strange places I'd like to be, but none of them permanently. I miss the days when we would create such an energy that Prarie Dawn would faint, and this album contains all of the hits that were so easily written without causing one wrinkle to my unibrow forehead. I would also like you to know that all proceeds of this album are contributed to the Association of W Lovers, Inc., so that letter worship might grow and continue in this fine country just s it has in Eastern Europe. --

I Think this is the best that Bert and I have ever done., July 27, 1998
Reviewer: An Amazon.com Customer Before the break-up of our band, due to animosity between Bert, and myself, and previously to our solo careers, we recorded some of the greatest love songs known to our American audience. I whole-heartedly endorse this album as the best, in at least my near-sighted muppet eyes, that Bert and I ever put together.
(bucky, Mon 4 Aug 2003, 21:13, archived)
# No reviews on this
but there should be cos it made me giggle.
www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0962594032/qid=1060029668/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/002-7140254-1059259?v=glance&s=books
(I helped save b3ta! Fronkle99, Mon 4 Aug 2003, 21:44, archived)
# I don't know...
Cunt

Interesting results can also be achieved by typing random nonsense in the keyword search - Mary Schneider Yodelling the Classics, for example
(I helped save b3ta! smutch, Mon 4 Aug 2003, 22:12, archived)
# Fantastic!
Off the Mary Schneider album came this.
(Baj does Minecraft - http://www.youtube.com/w92baj, Mon 4 Aug 2003, 22:44, archived)
# fantastic - I particularly like
the teddy bear song - oh to have more than a 30 sec clip....
(I helped save b3ta! automatton52 Grumpy old goth, Tue 5 Aug 2003, 7:23, archived)
# oh but you can...
not sure whether this is a good thing or not, but you can download Teddy Bear for free. try www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B000058TT6/qid=1060289196/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/104-0064515-3308716?v=glance

EDIT: better URL
(I helped save b3ta! Purple Robot Now with added doom, Thu 7 Aug 2003, 21:32, archived)
#
"Yet another masterpiece from America's favorite window lickers. "
(kookoobirdz, Wed 6 Aug 2003, 17:29, archived)
# Mary Schneider!
I have that album! It rocks! Especially the duets with her daughter. I reserve it for those occasions when you really, really want guests to leave....
(I helped save b3ta! numberbruncher - correct by nature, Tue 5 Aug 2003, 16:22, archived)
# Random Delights
I went a bit crazy typing in random words, and got some surprising results. Just be glad you don't have to eat at these places:

What kind of sex?
It doesn't sound too appetising...
You know what, I'm partial to some...
(Flagrant Tendencies, Wed 6 Aug 2003, 10:53, archived)
# I actually read that 'cunt' book
And it was really good. I'm not taking the piss, by the way. It's experemental fiction, a bit like 'filth' by irvine welsh. I reccomend.
(I helped save b3ta! Zuowan, Sat 9 Aug 2003, 20:03, archived)
# Ping the Duck
Always a classic...

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0140502416/qid=1060032408/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/103-2496338-3651848?v=glance&s=books

Hint: Read the reviews....
(Datalas, Mon 4 Aug 2003, 22:31, archived)
# hehehe
i really love that one
(<Helios>, Tue 5 Aug 2003, 14:59, archived)
# classic
so it is
(bobmcgrae, Thu 7 Aug 2003, 14:56, archived)
# this one was my g/f drunk and seeking revenge
on a former tutor:

www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0904503143/qid=1060076539/sr=1-2/ref=chthonicionic_20/026-8961219-7446857

Not hugely funny if you don't know the man I'm afraid.
(I helped save b3ta! chthonic, Tue 5 Aug 2003, 10:45, archived)
# this woman
has done a load of unintentionally funny reviews, mainly of
sex books
(I helped save b3ta! atomboy, Tue 5 Aug 2003, 11:14, archived)
# Well...
I don't know, she seems to be perfectly serious. Difficult to find her amusing.
(elmsyrup, Sun 10 Aug 2003, 21:52, archived)
# .
Dog Fancy [MAGAZINE SUBSCRIPTION] Magazine Subscription Cover Price: $47.88
Buy new: $14.99
You Save: $32.89 (69%)

tastefully done August 6, 2002
Although I was somewhat reticent when first handed a copy of Dog Fancy I was delighted to discover that all the shots are tastefully done and the participants seem to be willing which had been a worry.

Does nothing for me but if you fancy dogs then this is an excellent source of relief.

(I helped save b3ta! XCDinglyGoodCakes looks like we've got ourselves a reader, Tue 5 Aug 2003, 11:28, archived)
# adult christian clothing
Not a review but definately worth getting
www.cafeshops.com/jesus21/49072
(callipygous everytime I kill a hitchhiker, God masturbates, Tue 5 Aug 2003, 13:05, archived)
# Please, do steal this album...
It's, well, flatulent.

www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/B0000AQJ46/qid%3D1060125224/sr%3D11-1/ref%3Dsr%5F11%5F1/102-2037983-7289743
(dogpile, Wed 6 Aug 2003, 0:17, archived)
# I hate...
...all you bastards.

Stop making me laugh, you effin' swine! I nearly crapped my pants! I can't...stop...laughing...can't...click...to different....page....

Stop this, all of you, right now!

Gay Search! Fisting! Ping! I hate you all!
(timmy_wimmy, Wed 6 Aug 2003, 0:55, archived)
# does anybody remember the harry potter vibrating nimbus 2000 broom?
maybe somebody's mentioned this already...i can't be arsed to look through the long list.

there used to be a "nimbus 2000" broom that all the little kiddies could pretend to fly around on...i guess the toy company figured a vibrating feature would help their imaginations...the reviews were hilarious, people mentioning how their teenagers even loved it and how their kids would lock themselves away with it for hours. i think this product was removed however (at the expense of some pretty damn funny reviews), but if anybody's seen it/remembers it, speak up then.
(zyn (thetix), Wed 6 Aug 2003, 5:10, archived)
# Nimbus 2000
the page appears to have been immortalised here www.ns-stables.com/nimbus/
(juicy_lucy, Thu 7 Aug 2003, 14:07, archived)
# hehehehe
that'd be it. woo to you, good sir.
(zyn (thetix), Fri 8 Aug 2003, 4:49, archived)
# Pat Boone - In a Metal Mood (no more mr nice guy)
ok reviews, but one hell of a cd... especially Enter Sandman, featuring the line "up to nevernever land... come on, here we go!"
(kuijf, Wed 6 Aug 2003, 9:18, archived)
# not a great review
but a damned fine coffee table book
(I helped save b3ta! ablufia v0.43 - have your face drawn, Wed 6 Aug 2003, 13:04, archived)
# Funny? Not sure. Senseless? For sure.
See review number four, the one from "tupper lake." I need to buy this
book.
(followthesnow, Wed 6 Aug 2003, 13:49, archived)
# THE most absurd book ever written
And the fact that the first view reviewers believe that it is possible is even more amazing

www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/3929512351/qid=1060176806/sr=1-4/ref=sr_1_4/102-3024881-1632164?v=glance&s=books
(I helped save b3ta! Disco, Wed 6 Aug 2003, 14:34, archived)
# Henry Raddick I think
is the offical Amazon legend found here ... As i recall over 100 reviews, some of which are hilarious insigths into a fictional character once rumoured (dunno why) to be a whimsical online alter ego of chinless monarchic question mark prince charles.
Hi. Larious.

/EDIT - sorry to rogan, who actually beat me to this above!
(I helped save b3ta! WhoElse I'm what Willis was talking about, Wed 6 Aug 2003, 16:15, archived)
# my favorite Raddick
Like Father, Like Daughter: How Father Shapes the Woman His Daughter Becomes by Suzanne Fields

My relationship with my daughter has been a tense one for almost a year and I realise that I am much to blame. This book helped me face up to my responsibilities and to actively engage in her personal growth and welfare. I don't want her simply to think of me as the beered-up clown who ruined her school sports day.
(kookoobirdz, Wed 6 Aug 2003, 17:46, archived)
# Silly invention, stupid reviews
The Segway!

www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B00007EPJ6/qid=1060235869/sr=45-1/ref=sr_45_1_/103-2605378-6581401
(pugget, Thu 7 Aug 2003, 7:02, archived)
# superhero on mobility
hehe i like the comment about pretending 2 be a superhero, it just gives me the image of a superheros mobility scooter
(Chutney_Pie, Thu 7 Aug 2003, 10:25, archived)
# I had to source
the soundtrack to groundforce for a job, and found that it was by the 'black dyke band'.www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B00002MDW7/qid=1060243507/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/104-2420784-8187137?v=glance&s=music
it goes to show that amazons reviews are pointless, because i submitted one which was subsequently deleted. it said something like "imagine my disappointment on purchasing this product, when it contained no lesbians of an african origin at all!"
(son of crazymum, Thu 7 Aug 2003, 9:14, archived)
# Amazon.com Stuff
You should check out the reviews for this fine book, entitled 'Trust - The Ancient and Spiritual Art Of Handballing'. It's not the sport, apparently....the one from Absofabulotelymarvelous is quite good:

www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0962475157/ref=cm_rev_all_1/102-0271170-1375367?v=glance&s=books&n=507846&vi=customer-reviews
(nathanjohnston, Thu 7 Aug 2003, 15:37, archived)
# More funnies
Well, How To Goodbye Depression is a classic. There's also any number of Bill Keane Family Circus books, particularly Daddy's Cap is on Backwards.
(bongo, Thu 7 Aug 2003, 15:51, archived)
# Too much detail
"The greatest thing about this book, is that the author shows a young child sitting on a potty or tiolet, and the actual poop falling into the bowl. Children can identify with the realistic illustrations, and learn that it is okay to poop because everyone poops!"

www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0916291456/ref=cm_cr_dp_2_1/002-9336783-8704057?v=glance&s=books&vi=customer-reviews
(I helped save b3ta! Mr Peet, Thu 7 Aug 2003, 17:27, archived)
# Amazon "quirk"
Anyone ever noticed that if you press TAB a few times on that annoying amazon.co.uk introductory offer popup it reveals some carefully hidden text?
(I helped save b3ta! Hoagie, Thu 7 Aug 2003, 18:02, archived)
# tell me more
I dunno what you mean
(elmsyrup, Mon 11 Aug 2003, 2:00, archived)
# Joseph Dirt
Joseph Dirt has some great reviews. My favourites are...

Scooby Doo and the Halloween Hotel Haunt
"This novel is absolutely a tour de force in research, plotting, pace, and intricacy. Its weaknesses in character development and human insight prevent it from achieving the depth of a Dickens or Bronte novel"
Billy Madison
"An interesting question is whether the Christopher Kelk character (Rollo), janitor of the elementary school, actually exists or is a symbol of Billy's denied, unfulfilled Hopes."
Barney Goes to the Zoo
The book "suffers from 'vertebrate chauvinism'. Most of the world's animals are not vertebrates..."
(rappinkapc, Fri 8 Aug 2003, 6:33, archived)
# First ever post from a long time lurker
Errrmmm not sure if anyones already linked this. Saw it yonks ago and actually bought the book too as a 'coffee table lark'.
Get yer starfish winkin' peeps.
www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0595094724/qid%3D1060324100/sr%3D11-1/ref%3Dsr%5F11%5F1/103-1029391-1676657



(reversecowgirl, Fri 8 Aug 2003, 7:38, archived)
# quote
"This book has allowed me to "tighten" what is normally an incredibly loose ring and ease Amyl Nitrite-induced depression at the same time!...

A must for any public school library."
(I helped save b3ta! VampireMonkeyOnSpeed a super sexy sexual sex terrorist sex, Sat 9 Aug 2003, 11:31, archived)
# cheese?
I love middle management and their attempts to make their jobs sound interesting.....

www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0091816971/ref=sr_aps_books_1_1/202-5529221-2660632

I just thought this was especially funny...(Alan Partridge fans will know what I'm talking about)
(carlos_gambino, Fri 8 Aug 2003, 15:31, archived)
# Slaughterhouse 5 reviewed by girls overheard on a bus
Possibly. I dunno. The style of it would suggest so. It's odd:
www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0440180295/ref=cm_rev_next/002-2105488-2374408?v=glance&s=books&vi=customer-reviews&show=-submittime&start-at=148

Shame there's no paragraphisationalisation.

And in keeping with one of the themes of this thread:

--
Laura! Interesting analogy. An example of the randomosity from chapter six: "And Billy worked his hands in his muff as he marched. His fingertips, working there in the hot darkness of the muff, wanted to know what the two lumps in the lining of the little impresario's were. The fingertips got inside the lining. They palpated the lumps, the pea-shaped thing and the horseshoe-shaped thing. The parade had to halt by a busy corner. The traffic light was red. M: I totally remember that quote from the book because I kept laughing at the work "muff." And I kept thinking to myself, "What does this have to do with the story?" What do you think about the quote, Laura?
--
(wingnutkj, Fri 8 Aug 2003, 17:02, archived)
# No reviews, but I'd LOVE to read this one...
Anyone got $200 in spare change?
(tpoh, Sat 9 Aug 2003, 7:32, archived)
# Bowling for Columbine
User Reviews.
About halfway down. The reviewer thought Bowling for Columbine was about bowling the 'sport'.
Doubt it's real though.
(I helped save b3ta! Jimmeh, Sat 9 Aug 2003, 18:02, archived)
# It doesn't.
It's nice.
(elmsyrup, Mon 11 Aug 2003, 2:21, archived)
# ...gosh
www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0312152906/ref=cm_bg_d/103-6332839-7779800?v=glance
There seems to be a whole culture based around *this* practice.
(elmsyrup, Mon 11 Aug 2003, 2:22, archived)