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[challenge entry] satire
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:54, archived)
# BEN BRADSHAW!
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 16:02, archived)
# RACIST.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 16:08, archived)
# Year for chumps!
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 16:08, archived)
# This made me smile,
but you really need a comma in there ;)
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 16:22, archived)
# Puns were funnier in the 80's
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:53, archived)
# I like this :)
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 16:16, archived)
# I like this too :)
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 16:29, archived)
# This deserves a lot more comment :D
Utter brilliance!
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 16:30, archived)
# Heh heh
Heh.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 16:58, archived)
# I got given an iPad today.
So I naturally got naked in the office and played with it.

Sadly there is no redtube, as it has no Flash.

Clearly NSFW - may contain elements of ME!ME!ME!ME!ME!

Also it is made of pine.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:30, archived)
# LOLSOCKS!
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:32, archived)
# Army officer issue.
Specifically pulled up for that 'Scandinavian' feel.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:33, archived)
# Naturally.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:34, archived)
# My fat gut
looks like a cheeky happy face.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:35, archived)
# With gills.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:36, archived)
# Cthulu!
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:40, archived)
# So you got 4 iphones taped together and sold as a new product
Well done you!
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:35, archived)
# I haven't.
I have got a piece of pine with stickers, front and back.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:35, archived)
# Oh, so you've got an ipad then
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:36, archived)
# ;)
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:41, archived)
# ipods. It lacks the basic features of a phone.
Mind, so did the iphone for a good while.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:38, archived)
# It's a pointless bit of kit anyway
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:39, archived)
# I have it on good advice
that if you aren't hyped up about the ipad, you aren't thinking about it hard enough.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:54, archived)
# So it's an ipod touch, but bigger?
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:56, archived)
# THINK HARDER
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:57, archived)
# actually that would be a good slogan
"Getting bored of our products? THINK HARDER ABOUT THEM, MORE OFTEN."
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:59, archived)
# I would buy *anything* based on this.
Anything.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 16:53, archived)
# no
ipod touches have more functionality than ipads! ipod touches can actually run two applications at once! like listening to music while surfing for porn! can't do that on the ipad.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 20:13, archived)
# It's really a mirror with an apple logo stuck on the back, isn't it?
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:37, archived)
# No.
It is pine.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:40, archived)
# Try not to get splinters
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 16:23, archived)
[challenge entry] TJ: just cos I'm bored
here's the b3ta election so far using the BBC's seat calculator



edit/ by the way, SOCKSY!
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:43, archived)
# Nicely.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:44, archived)
# What I'd like to see is what the map would like
if it was coloured according everyone who came second.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:53, archived)
# don't forget that blue mixed with orange either equals black or it equals white
depending on whether you're using light or paint.

MAN THIS IS SO DEEP
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:56, archived)
# blue and orange with light
makes a pale pinkish purple.

With paint it makes a mucky brown.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:59, archived)
# cyan and orange make yellow with light
teal and orange make black with paint

SO DEEP
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 16:01, archived)
# err what no they don't
red and green make yellow with light.
cyan and orange make pale green.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 16:04, archived)
# STOP TRYING TO MESS WITH MY DEEP POLITICAL INSIGHT
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 16:16, archived)
# Sadly, I think you'd be disappointed to find
it would be very close to being just the exact opposite of this
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:56, archived)
# there'd be more Lib Dems, I suspect.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 16:00, archived)
# There'd be at least 17 more.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 16:03, archived)
# depends on the system used
in a literal what %age of the votes did they get system (which would never happen) they'd have got over twice as many MPs as they actually did in the last election
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 16:20, archived)
# I'm talking about how many constituencies they came second in at the last election.
The talk of any system other than what was used in the last election is meaningless.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 16:29, archived)
# My reply was to gronkpan (although I don't know if he was talking about PR or not)
It's difficult to find out the answer to your question without trawling through the results of all 650 constituencies, and I'm not that bored, but I refer the honorable lady to the answer I gave some moments ago - I think you'd be disappointed to find out how few that would be.

The relatively even geographical spread of Lib Dem support compared with the other two main parties means that PR is the only way they'd be likely to do much better than last time out
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 16:35, archived)
# I don't have enough knowledge of how your political system works to offer any real insight
I just thought it might be funny to offer an arbitrary number.

The number is: seventeen.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 16:38, archived)
# it's a good number
i like it
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 16:39, archived)
# I just did a little experiment with that toy though.
Giving 50% of the vote to one main party and 25% to the other two.

When Labour have 50% of the vote, they win 467 seats.
When Conservative have 50% of the vote, they win 450 seats.
When Lib Dem have 50% of the vote, they win 532 seats.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 16:39, archived)
# The problem with the lib dem section is that 'when' becomes 'if'.
Not trying to shit on anyone's parade, maybe this will encourage a few people.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 16:44, archived)
# I mean "when" as in "when I put those figures into the whatsit there", of course.
But it would be some good propaganda for them. It means a vote for Lib Dem isn't necessarily as wasted as a lot of people seem to think. Actually their biggest enemies seem to be the "others".
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 16:47, archived)
# You've made a lot of good points
I have to say though - there is no such thing as "good propaganda". It seems good when you agree with the message, but it is never good.

How do you fight two heavily financed propaganda machines? That's a tough one. Fighting it with propaganda just perpetuates the shit.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 16:51, archived)
# All political material is propaganda.
It's "good" if it gets people to vote for you.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 16:52, archived)
# Ok, rather than using the word "propaganda", try the eastern bloc term "transparisma"
I find it to be a bit more descriptive - transparent messages to gain power.

If you're going to put all political messages under the propaganda umbrella (even if, let's say for theory's sake, the vast majority of people voted with the exact message you were shouting), then let's differentiate propaganda from transparisma.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 16:58, archived)
# Google returns no results for "transparisma".
All political leaflets published by political parties are produced with the aim of convincing people to vote for them. They don't need to be lies as such, they only need to be persuasive in some way. It may simply rely on the audience's general tendency not to be very good at interpreting facts or understanding statistics.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 17:03, archived)
# sorry, I don't know how to spell it in cyrillic
I hope that doesn't get in the way of the concept
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 17:07, archived)
# I'm just a bit generally disappointed in the propaganda round here at the moment,
they're all of the form "Vote X, because if you vote Y, Z will win."

I'd rather see something more along the lines of "Don't be put off voting X by people who say they can't win."
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 17:10, archived)
# I live in a different country so my views are just those of an outsider looking in
That being said, Lib Dems in England have an uphill battle. There is no shame in being the underdog.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 17:14, archived)
# Yep, I agree to the tips of my toes
I've been telling Lib Dem organisers to stop banging on about two horse races and make some proper principled arguments. The whole point of being a Liberal is not being a reactionary arsecandle.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 17:17, archived)
# All three of them are playing the "two horse race" card here at the moment.
It's insane. The latest Labour one tells me that the Conservative candidate is hoping I'll vote Lib Dem. I was kind of under the impression that he'd want me to vote Conservative. But I guess I may as well now, anyway. What are they trying to do here? Make me strategically vote Conservative? I'm sure as hell not voting Labour, because then the Tories will win!
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 17:24, archived)
# Labour think the Tories want you to split the Labour vote by voting Lib Dem.
Baffling logic thought up by constituency organiser drones. Surely people vote Lib Dem more because they hate both the Tories and Labour, or because they like our policies. Bizarre tactical voting is an illusion.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 17:31, archived)
# The Tories aren't going to win here
unless almost everyone who voted Lib Dem last time switches parties. The idea that the Tory candidate is rubbing his hands at the thought of people switching from Labour to Lib Dem is completely absurd.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 17:39, archived)
# Ooh, isn't this the talking shop.
We've gone all heady and political. I think your estimates of percentage of vote/realistic seat share might be the wrong way round. But don't tell anyone, or they might do one of them 'tactical' votes.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 16:58, archived)
# It's not my estimate.
The BBC did it.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 17:00, archived)
# Well, here are some other ones!
Currently it takes:

96,481 votes to elect a single Lib-Dem MP,

44,306 votes to elect a single Tory MP,

26,860 votes to elect a single Labour MP.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 17:04, archived)
# that's that even geographic spread
The LDs will need 40% of the vote to win compared to Labour's 30% because Labour's support is concentrated in certain areas, however, the difference between 20% and 50% for the LDs is huge because they're spread out all over (really this just exposes how crude the BBCs toy is).
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 16:46, archived)
# The Guardian toy is quite good
But disturbingly inaccurate. Then again, all polls are.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 17:00, archived)
# Ok I'm going to wade in here and suggest that the only important percentage is the one that GETS YOU THE SEAT.
I think British people have some weird dichotomy between "power thirsty bastards" and "our lords and ladies".

Don't like being called British? COMPLAIN TO YOUR LOCAL MP.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 16:41, archived)
# It's interesting to note how the Lib Dems are all on the coast
Oh they do like to be beside the seaside
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 16:02, archived)
# I'm surprised there aren't more Lib Dem voters on B3ta to be honest.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 16:08, archived)
# I am utterly opposed to PR
otherwise they are grand.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 16:15, archived)
# same here...
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 16:17, archived)
# I'm very glad to hear this
For some reason everyone seems to spunk over PR and I've never liked the idea. I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one.

(Unless you refer to the Lib Dems. In which case... errr, I've only ever voted Lib Dem. :( I don't *like* them but I can't bring myself to vote Labour and am extremely unlikely to ever vote Tory.)
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 16:47, archived)
# I like Lib Dem only in the sense that I like them more than Labour and Tory,
and my decision to vote that way has more than a hint of strategy to it.

PR would turn the entire principle of democracy in this country upside-down.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 16:50, archived)
# DAMN RIGHT
I liked the Lib Dems better when they were pledging to raise taxes to cover their manifesto - it was refreshingly honest. Then unfortunately they started stabbing their leaders in the back until they got one who looks like a clone of David Cameron but is even more boring :( I like Charles Kennedy, I'd vote for him.

Disclaimer: I did actually vote for Menzies Campbell. If you live in North-East Fife you're more or less required to by law.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 16:59, archived)
# Tax rises are still in there
50% top rate for those earning 150,000 or more.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 17:06, archived)
# I like this
(Though I'd add that it's easier to promise tax rises when you know you're unlikely to get voted in and have to try and force it through. Still, I like it.)
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 18:01, archived)
# It's not so bad
The party just hasn't made the case for it properly yet. You'd think we'd have had long enough to do so. The Electoral Reform Society has a good little book on it though.

I may be a sad act.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 16:55, archived)
# PR marks the death
of minority group representation, particularly for rural voters.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 17:48, archived)
# The function of an MP is to represent his constituents in parliament,
not to represent his party in parliament and in his constituency. They may act like that already, but the problem would not be solved by embodying it in the constitution.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 17:55, archived)
# And PR allows for the election
of multiple parties of almost every viewpoint. You go to the representative you choose. It's no harder to stand as an independent. I think you've succumbed to a few PR myths here.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 20:35, archived)
# Hahaha
:D
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:43, archived)
# Good lord man
you've ruined my eyes.

can you use two 'digits' at the same time?

and also i hope you disinfected that seat after that picture.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:43, archived)
# My nudity is photoshopped.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:44, archived)
# how disappointing!

(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:49, archived)
# i bet you've gone all soft.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:51, archived)
# Yes, I was pretty close to vinegar too
I'd better dig out an old Cherie Blair pic to finish off over
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:53, archived)
# I'm not exactly sure what you're trying to show us with this post.

But clearly, it's art.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:50, archived)
# I might not know much about art
but I know what I like.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 16:04, archived)
# TGMTRFH
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 16:15, archived)
#
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:12, archived)
# Hahaha
Not that much of a new idealogy ideology though!
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:14, archived)
# ideology
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:21, archived)
# thankyou.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:23, archived)
# thank you
;D
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:25, archived)
# ha ha
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:26, archived)
# Thank you.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:26, archived)
# Pedantic cunt.
:P
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 17:22, archived)
# *flounces off*
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:28, archived)
# Regeneration cabbages!
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:16, archived)
# Arf!
Here's a not-worth-own-thread pic... the only candidate with green credentials...
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:17, archived)
# I trust him more like this
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:18, archived)
# *Zaps with distergrator ray on instinct....*
Bloody centre right Martians....
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:18, archived)
# Venusian, actually...
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:19, archived)
# Bloody hell!
I always assumed the green ones came from Mars
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:20, archived)
# A nice idea nicely executed
although not much basis in political fact
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:24, archived)
# nicely done
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 16:16, archived)
[challenge entry] For people too young to remember...
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:11, archived)
# nice bulge!

(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:13, archived)
# Pffft
It was her handbag!
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:14, archived)
# A HAAAAANNNNNDBAAAAAAG?!?
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:17, archived)
# She's just had it stuffed

(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:18, archived)
#
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:23, archived)
# A haaandbaahahahahag?!

(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:53, archived)
[challenge entry] heh heh
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:15, archived)
# clickety
how can people even contemplate voting for those bastards?
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:20, archived)
[challenge entry] Mostly cos they don't like those other bastards either.
Clearly we need constitutional reform to break away fomr the 2 party system in order to gain a more representative government in the future (although how the fuck the lib dems have failed to capitalise sufficiently over the last 20 years astounds me). That will not be achieved by voting Tory this time.


(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:24, archived)
[challenge entry]

(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:25, archived)
[challenge entry]
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:26, archived)
# This post from barryheadwound says it all, for me
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:24, archived)
# indeed, very true
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:27, archived)
# Is that Gerry McCann?
Where's Maddie? I mean Maggie?!
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:54, archived)
# No it's David Cameron!!!!11!!!!
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:56, archived)
# Out-mutha fucking-standing.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 17:26, archived)
# Seeing as Lucy Pinder was giving £50s outside our window for Ladbrokes this morning
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:38, archived)
# hoof!
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:39, archived)
# Leg it!
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:41, archived)
# Filly boy.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:50, archived)
# Neigh, Sir - you may shout yourself horse but t'will never be so.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:57, archived)
# Haha glue
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:51, archived)
# It's funny because it's glue!

(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:14, archived)
# I'd love it if a glue manufacturer were to sponsor the Grand National.
That'd be fantastic.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:17, archived)
# Something about glue.
:D
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:24, archived)
# Westwood
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:29, archived)
# Is that the Thatcher?
Or Boy George?
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:32, archived)
# Boy Thatcher?
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:33, archived)
# Tony Blair!
/lolotics
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:35, archived)
# Bummerbummerbummerbummerbummer cameleon*
*Cheri may not actually be a cameleon
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:38, archived)
# WHO'S IN THE HOUSE?
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:35, archived)
# :)
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:37, archived)
# O_O Fuuuuck.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:43, archived)
# Fucking hell


(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:13, archived)
[challenge entry] A vote for Fresh Water Mole is a vote for sanity

(apologies to FWM, etc...)
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:20, archived)
# *VOTES CHEDGE*
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:20, archived)
# horsecock
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:30, archived)
# *clicks*
COMPO IT!

(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:31, archived)
# Oh my fuck I love this :D
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:27, archived)
# That appears to be
a Portmeirion Botanic Garden charger plate. Full of goodies. WHY isn't it on my desk?
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:55, archived)
# *VOTES*
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:21, archived)
# This has my vote
in the election of LIFE.

*clicks*
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:28, archived)
# Jeremy should be given a full campaign.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:30, archived)
# :)
I &hearts Jeremy
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:36, archived)
# WOOOO
Vote for jeremy!
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:05, archived)
# Hahahaha!
Silly horse!
:D
(, Wed 14 Apr 2010, 11:24, archived)
# minutes to spare
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:13, archived)
# 1ST LOL
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:13, archived)
# yeah baby.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:16, archived)
# If I wasn't between jobs with nothing better to do I wouldn't read this...
but as I've finished the BBC and TechRadar its all I have left
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:18, archived)
# yay!
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:21, archived)
# And, prey, just what time do you call this?
Hmm? Hmm?

See me after class.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:26, archived)
# Oooooh! I take it all back cos I gots mentioned!
*Does the "I'm a media slag" happy dance*
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:33, archived)
# Oh well,
My song didn't get in :(

I can pimp it here, though: Trololo with English lyrics and me performing it, on location in my Moscow flat.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=83Gl6UnH-ZE
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:31, archived)
# This is brilliant!
You have the arm movements down, and are dressed appropriately :D
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:35, archived)
# Ta
:D
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:41, archived)
# hahaha
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:53, archived)
# lololol!
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:15, archived)
[challenge entry] In Surrey, no one can hear you scream....
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:07, archived)
# Bloody hell, I'm just eating a sausage roll
you bastard!
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:08, archived)
# you are Happy Toast
AICMFP
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:09, archived)
[challenge entry] ew - at lunchtime?
also: not worth, etc...
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:13, archived)
# Haha I was just going to do that!
I mean photoshop that pic, not fellate our next PM, maiden!
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:16, archived)
# maiden?
I kind of rushed this, thinking it was only a matter of time before someone did it anyway.
Saved you the trouble, I suppose.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:18, archived)
# Maiden, the b3ta user and part-time psychologist...
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:20, archived)
#
not me, no
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:21, archived)
# oh that's who you are
bloody confusing!
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:25, archived)
# ?
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:27, archived)
# am I now doubly confused?
is monge, maiden?
Is it Friday yet?

edit: no, clearly not.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:33, archived)
# Vote for Horsecock!
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:35, archived)
# It's nearly Saturday,
that's how Friday it is!
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:47, archived)
# haha vote plums
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:20, archived)
[challenge entry]
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:33, archived)
# Foiled again!
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:57, archived)
# Thor?
It wath bloody agony!
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:00, archived)
# Why do people always build tinfoil hats with a pointy antenna?
Surly that will only help. Someone needs to come up with a flat design.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:03, archived)
# Reserch has been done:
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:04, archived)
# It's quite long. I may be a while
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:06, archived)
# So actually tinfoil hats help rather than prevent. Another government trap and wasted blue peter hours.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:08, archived)
# Yep, that's the kicker.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:11, archived)
# ha ha :D
On a more serious note though, I think I might have really started to develop a fear of lightning in real life :(
can anyone explain how phobias kick off in an otherwise healthy 30 year old chap.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:03, archived)
# You're a mental.
$540 please.
Next.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:12, archived)
# Ha ha thanks
You don't get that kind of honesty on the NHS
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:13, archived)
# you said 'otherwise' so what else is wrong
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:14, archived)
# Catch-22
"Fear in the face of danger that is real (and immediate) is a product of a sane and rational mind"

Okay, so lightning isn't exactly immediate...
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:23, archived)
# You're getting old
and increasingly obsessed with your own mortality as your years run out. In particular, you're obsessing about risks to your mortality now that you no longer have the carefree attitude of your youth.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:40, archived)
# :D

(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:06, archived)
# we are just the playthings of the Gods
bloody Gods
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:10, archived)
# and in 1991 the roles reversed for a short while.
Thank you bitmap brothers
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:13, archived)
# Ouch I beth that twas a Thor-Point with you :D
:D
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:17, archived)
# That's great!
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:18, archived)
# Ol' Man Sissy Pants


Click for bigger (54 kb)

Grow a pair, grampa!
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:41, archived)
# That grampa
Such a wuss.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:51, archived)
# oh yeah?
*wields knife and demands sex*
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:53, archived)
# Oh shiney!
*gives sexing*
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:54, archived)
# hmm
that didn't work out as I planned

*limps away*
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:58, archived)
# You scare me, dood.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:06, archived)
#
Scared already? You're just like Ol' Man Sissy Pants, but worse!
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:08, archived)
# You don't know the half of it
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:11, archived)
# That implies one can have sex without wielding a knife...
Will wonders never cease?
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:14, archived)
[challenge entry] One year, someone needs to have this slogan. Logic dictates that they will win.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:40, archived)
[challenge entry] IT'S A TRAP!

(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:44, archived)
# hahaha
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:45, archived)
# hahahhaha! I just imagine him saying "Woah, I think this shit just kicked in!"
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:46, archived)
# Haha

(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:07, archived)
[challenge entry]
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:36, archived)
# You can choose my plums any day, love.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:36, archived)
#
these just get more and more funny, always worth a new thread when you've got a tired and repetitive idea
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:36, archived)
# one more
and you'll win twenty quid
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:38, archived)
# Yay for Plums :D
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:38, archived)
# bah, I've already pledged my vote to melons.
;D
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:38, archived)
# It's all good and sweet in the Fruitist Society
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:39, archived)
# not if you voted "Gooseberry"
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:41, archived)
# Yes that's true you'd be a 'fool' to vote for that faction
:D
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:43, archived)
# well, they'd get their just desserts
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:44, archived)
# And would 'crumble' under the weight of public opposition
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:46, archived)
# true, but as they have they fat little fingers in all the pies, it would matter not, to them
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:48, archived)
# Then we simply put them in 'custardy' :D
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:49, archived)
# Then they'd be in a jam.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:51, archived)
# Well, I'm discustard with all the candieddates, they're just a bunch of tarts
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:51, archived)
# Pastry-faced wimps, the lot of them.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:53, archived)
# Bet they'd turn straight to jelly if they got any power.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:55, archived)
# They'd certainly be reduced in such a sticky situation.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:56, archived)
# Silly Prodigy!
Plums cannot hold pen, how can they vote!
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:39, archived)
# YES!
I withdraw my vote for fish and I'm voting plums instead!
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:45, archived)
# Fish and plums is there a pattern emerging here?
or is it just my dirty mind ;)
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:47, archived)
# and Melons
don't forget melons
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:48, archived)
# I did not vote for melons
but perhaps I should've.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:49, archived)
# Very interesting that you should find melons abhorent yet you're all for the Plums and Fish
:D
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:51, archived)
# o_O
*hides back in the closet*

(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:53, archived)
# Shut it, Sigmund!
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:48, archived)
# I sense a recurring theme in your electioneering
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:47, archived)
# Vote vote vote...
It's always vote with his electioneering!
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:49, archived)
[challenge entry] Ahh bless.........
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:20, archived)
# I've no idea either
I'm troubled by the idea whoever I vote for one of these twunts will be elected - I feel so frustrated that my vote won't make one jot of difference.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:29, archived)
# I'm a lot more shallow than that
I'm troubled that Rob never manages to release the newsletter in time for lunch these days :-(
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:34, archived)
# We should stage a revolution and overthrow the Rob Oligarchy!
"What do we want? Newsletter out on Time! When do we want it? Errr... on time?"
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:36, archived)
# I once went on a Legalise Cannabis march - that was irony defined:
"What do we want?!"

"Legal cannabis!"

"When do we want it?"

"Erm ... as soon as you can ... please ... cheers ... hey! Who's hungry?"
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:39, archived)
# Yay!
We can vote in a NEW Rob!

Everyone called "Rob" - stand for nominations please and tell us what YOU will do for US.

Or we could have a coup and install in a team of military Robs. They will do what needs to be done.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:43, archived)
# Militarised, weapons-grade Robs.
Like it, centurion, like it.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:44, archived)
# And they'll be famed for On-Time (OT) newsletters
RobOTs, we should call them.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:48, archived)
# and we could fly them around over Jamaica
Making them RobOTs in de skies.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:52, archived)
# pffft...
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:56, archived)
# I say put rail transport first.
Trains foremost. RobOTs in de skies.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:02, archived)
# Tony, Tory, Tony, Tory...
They look almost the same. Coincidence?
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:46, archived)
# PoliticLols
(, Sun 11 Apr 2010, 17:24, archived)
# y'know? I love to stay bang up to date with the News...
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:02, archived)
# Ummm....
Errr...
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:03, archived)
# 0_0
I am expecting a gimpsuited man-bear with a 11" cock wearing a rubber David Kelly mask to step out from behind the curtain any second...
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:03, archived)
# *wonders if ^that^ will be my random quote on the stats board...*
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:08, archived)
# haha
but it only uses subject lines I think
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:10, archived)
# I am expecting a gimpsuited man-bear with a 11" cock wearing a rubber David Kelly mask to step out from behind the curtain any second...
like this?
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:16, archived)
# ha ha
You've made it all your own :D
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:18, archived)
# haha
Cherie is just out of shot in her 'gear'
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:05, archived)
# we do not need to see this
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:05, archived)
#
not
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:06, archived)
# we don't?
*stops Googling....*
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:07, archived)
# I beg to differ
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:08, archived)
# your all gay
all of you
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:10, archived)
# Your mother's gay.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:11, archived)
# Your Marvin Gaye
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:14, archived)
# Sitting on the Dock of the Bay watching the Rain again?
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:15, archived)
# GAY!

(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:17, archived)
# Sitting on the cock of the gay.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:35, archived)
# and so is her Wife!
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:15, archived)
# Oh
My
God...


Also:
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:15, archived)
# which part of it, the bad pun, or the naked Blair?
:D
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:18, archived)
# Everything!
*puts head in washing machine on boil-wash*
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:19, archived)
# *takes advantage*
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:30, archived)
# good lord!
Mind if I join you in the Washing Machine?
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:27, archived)
# Most certainly. *sets for extra rinse*
:)
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:28, archived)
# think I need to rince my head
I've still got the most excruciating headache
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:31, archived)
# *drops monocle*

(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:45, archived)
# What a lovely pair of tits
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:48, archived)
# stretching the truth...
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:47, archived)
# strangely
pleasing to my eyes
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:52, archived)
# Noons' :D


Inspired by the previous punnage..
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:44, archived)
# Ew - Heman's clutching his number two.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:45, archived)
# haha
Dave's getting all hiphop with the kids (front page of BBC news)
newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/47614000/jpg/_47614509_newcameronlong_ap.jpg
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:58, archived)
# Davey Cam droppin top style on the grand slam
Pickin up votes like pimpin out bitches Dave Cam's party got the finest stiches which you paid for, mug, 'cos 'ees a robber a teef an you'll know when he's around because he ain't beyond belief.

Or something.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:02, archived)
# I just can't stand that bloke
I mean, I can't stand ANY of them but he's just a twat. I can at least appreciate why people voted for blair the first time, as he came across as being ok, before being outed as a twat. Cameron has skipped that stage.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:04, archived)
#
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:46, archived)
# He-Man was well written
It had a super script.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:46, archived)
#
I didn't get the last one either, but woo for He-Man Friday
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:46, archived)
# Deary me...
:)
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:47, archived)
# oh lord
*spangs*
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:50, archived)
# The power of two-do?
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:50, archived)
# oh good lord
TJ for maths people:

if 58% of people read a newspaper in 1994
and only 34% of people read a newspaper in 2008

what is the decline (as a percentage) - my brain says 24% but I bet it isn't

(I last did maths in 1988)
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:54, archived)
# Lobster over Wednesday multiplied by Green.
Take the remainder, multiply the second and invert the answer to get the full, "freshly-washed stoat" feel.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:55, archived)
# this is for a high-level presentation
I don't think they want anything about stoats


I'll put a weasel in
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:58, archived)
# This diagram should help:
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:58, archived)
# ooh
I think stoat will go down better then
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:00, archived)
# And you can tell just by looking that that stoat is freshly washed.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:09, archived)
# I say! :O

Have this pea
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:55, archived)
# 41.4 percent decline
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:56, archived)
# correct
although only about 64% of those who read newspapers in 1994 are still reading newspapers in 2008
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:56, archived)
# Hmmm..
Im guessing perhaps the decline would instead be what percentage of the people who read papers stopped reading them.. so you would need to consider the drop there not just the difference between the two numbers. Don't make me work it out please :P
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:57, archived)
# 58/100 = 0.58
34/0.58 = 58.6206896551724137931034483 (confusingly)
100 - 58.6206896551724137931034483 = 41.3793103448275862068965517, so I guess that's the decline as a percentage.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:57, archived)
# that's what I said, although I rounded up to 41.4
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:59, archived)
# Yeah but you didn't show your working
:P
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:00, archived)
# And I provided my doings.
No wate what's the word ... workings.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:00, archived)
# Well I'm autistic, I have no idea how I got the answer - I just did.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:05, archived)
# oo ta
and thanks monge

(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:05, archived)
#
you're welcome, but I can imagine why you might not have trusted the answer without the doings
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:07, archived)
# no but the question
states 58% and 34% of people - if there are 100 people, 58 of 100 read in 1994 and 34 of 100 in 2008 meaning a drop of 24% - whatever the value is for people is 100%, and the percentage decline relates to this value
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:09, archived)
# wrong
there is a decline of readership of 41.4%
24% less of the population now read a paper
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:14, archived)
# the question doesn't state whether its readership or population
just asks for the decline, so both are right
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:16, archived)
# Mighty Nibus asked for the decline.
And clearly demonstrated the ability to subtract 34 from 58, so I'm pretty sure the answer to his question is 41.4%.
If it's for a presentation, he probably shouldn't say 'it is both 41.4 AND 24 percent'.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:21, archived)
# so because he got 24%
the answer must be 41.4%? Nibus I think he's calling you thick
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:26, archived)
#
okay, let's split the difference - the answer is 32.7%
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:36, archived)
# I can't decide
if you know I'm being silly or if you're getting wound up
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:40, archived)
# I can't decide if you think 32.7 was a serious sugestion :)
edit for clarity: no, I wasn't taking it seriously - I'm glad I correctly assumed that you weren't either.
Nibus clearly lost interest some time ago...
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:41, archived)
# Yep, that could be right too
sometimes I see BBC news articles treat a percentage drop in this way and I get confused, but they're an official national institution and hardly ever make lots of typos so it must be a valid way to do it.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:15, archived)
# the percentage decline is the percentage decline of the percentages.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:15, archived)
# if Percentage Decline is the name of a mathematical rule
then it should have captials, and not be written in lower case where it could be misinterpreted and generalised
I stopped doing Maths after GCSE, but I have an English degree so I'm now attempting to baffle you mathematicians with linguistics
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:25, archived)
#
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:32, archived)
# percentages of percentages
there could be MORE people reading the newspaper, if the population has increased enough

percentages of percentages are always a bit meaningless
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:54, archived)
# HI IM SKELETOR
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:57, archived)
[challenge entry] Cowardly, heartless idiots.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:42, archived)
# nice work
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:43, archived)
# excellent!
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:44, archived)
# Ooo, lovely work
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:44, archived)
# this is brilliant
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:44, archived)
[challenge entry] very good
Brown makes a very good cowardly lion.

But there's only one way to settle this election, the Queen calls CONKERS!

(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:44, archived)
# At lest the Queen's right masectomy went well
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:04, archived)
# :o!

(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:46, archived)
# Cameron's no Friend of Dorothy
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:48, archived)
# Lovely stuff!
The Clegg one works way too well.

:D
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:48, archived)
# ha!
a brain!
a heart!
the nerve!
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:00, archived)
# nicely
..
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:53, archived)
# ha ha
very nice!
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:04, archived)
[challenge entry] 0_o
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:33, archived)
# Ooo, nine votes? That's lovely, do you have a big family?
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:35, archived)
# Wish I'd thought of that
Would have been a good punchline *sighs*
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:36, archived)
# ninja it
then delete your post above
then we can all call Tribs a twat for repeating the joke
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:39, archived)
# Oft imitated, seldom funny, that's me!
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:41, archived)
# haha
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:44, archived)
# haha
nice phone Griffin.

also - is anyone here thinking of standing as an MP in the future? Be warned!
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:37, archived)
# Fantastic. :)
What a genius.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:40, archived)
# The People's Favourite*
*may not be The People's Favourite
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:23, archived)
# No... can't see what you've done.
At least it's not Widdecombe *shudder*
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:24, archived)
# I'm working on another...
*sings* "Especially for youuuuuuu..."

;-)

Edit: The arm took way too long to do.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:25, archived)
#
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:38, archived)
# make it spin! make it spin!
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:38, archived)
#
It will be tomorrow and no-one would understand by the time I managed that :(
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:40, archived)
#
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:48, archived)
# That's about right, actually; He would just
love to spend all day licking himself.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:51, archived)
# That
has has made me reach for the mind bleach
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:21, archived)
# sorry
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:29, archived)
# o_0
Ye gods...
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:30, archived)
# oh my
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:31, archived)
# oh good god
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:34, archived)
# It can be hard to realistically draw cum
I know, I've tried it.

But you have succeeded where others failed.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:35, archived)
# I tend to have no problem in drawing cum
unless I've a had a few drinks
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:38, archived)
#
drawing drinking
a few drinks some draw
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:40, archived)
# ew!
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:43, archived)
# yeah - here's my effort...
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:41, archived)
# be honest
that's a photograph of the original that you did a tribute on
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:45, archived)
# Ewwwwwww!
'did a tribute'

*bokes*
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:47, archived)
# haha
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:48, archived)
# Oh lord, no....
:(
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:50, archived)
# nice, but why the hell would I want to:
"buy tribute wank mugs, tshirts and magnets"
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:53, archived)
# that's grasping for income!
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:04, archived)
#
oof
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:09, archived)
#
busted
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:47, archived)
# shopped images only please etc
I'm looking forward to his cartoon
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:24, archived)
# *ahem*
cartoon untimely death
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:26, archived)
# The cartoon is pretty awful
It's well designed, but a cartoon of a podcast is just rather dull.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:31, archived)
# Hahahaha!
Probably the only time I've laughed at Gervais.
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:29, archived)
# :)
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:29, archived)
#
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:38, archived)
# Oh, bloody hell....
Mindbleach, please nurse!
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:41, archived)
# FUCK

(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:53, archived)
# Top of the gnops!
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:46, archived)
# Mr Cre!
How's the world with you - all well I hope?
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:49, archived)
# Yeah, not too shabby

Up for a job interview in a couple of days, and enjoying my motorcycle lessons ;)
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:52, archived)
# Fingers crossed for you, sir!
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:02, archived)
# Cheers

How are you doing? Back in that London?
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:04, archived)
# I am indeed.
Safely back in the metropolis, thanks be!
(, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:21, archived)

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