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This is a link post The marvellous masturbation metaphor generator I made this!
Testing my theory than any combination of noun and verb can be a masturbation metaphor. Contains a list of common nouns and common verbs - spin the wheel and see what you get...
(safe for work)
 (I helped save b3ta! flatfrog Staring vacantly into space, Mon 14 Jul 2008, 23:09, Reply)
This is a normal post 'Knitting the daughter' sounds perfect!!

(I helped save b3ta! Alzo wouldn't ride your mum into battle, Mon 14 Jul 2008, 23:16, Reply)
This is a normal post took a couple of spins
but "exciting the wool" is a winner :)
 (I helped save b3ta! masakatsu best of all the burger meats, Mon 14 Jul 2008, 23:18, Reply)
This is a normal post "Raising the pleasure"...
hahah - maybe a bit too literal!
 (r2b2 has ear cataracts?!?, Mon 14 Jul 2008, 23:26, Reply)
This is a normal post Thanking the meat...
This is a bit hit and miss, but good nonetheless...
 (DanS like you've never DanSed before!, Mon 14 Jul 2008, 23:30, Reply)
This is a normal post Damn
"Banning the Impulse"

hehe good work. My chemistry teacher used to always say that an experiment didn't have to provide the results you hoped for in order to be a success.
 (I helped save b3ta! zacherynuk @echo off, Mon 14 Jul 2008, 23:30, Reply)
This is a normal post Tipping the rice.
Oh, yes.
 (I helped save b3ta! Willwillwritehiswill An arse like a slapped face., Mon 14 Jul 2008, 23:31, Reply)
This is a normal post Rejoicing the leather
and preceeding the burn,


This gets a click :D
 (I helped save b3ta! [DTMX] Fishing hook, Mon 14 Jul 2008, 23:35, Reply)
This is a normal post charging the thing
nice
 (I helped save b3ta! harryfreeze Ignore, Hide, I like this!, Reply, Mon 14 Jul 2008, 23:35, Reply)
This is a normal post That's top stuff
"Topping the discussion" for the kill
 (I helped save b3ta! Jahled Three shades of black, Mon 14 Jul 2008, 23:37, Reply)
This is a normal post Wobbling the stone.
Oh yes.
 (tomfacedkillah has not tossed a dwarf since, Mon 14 Jul 2008, 23:49, Reply)
This is a normal post Judging the waste
We've all done it.
 (I helped save b3ta! meccadave, Tue 15 Jul 2008, 0:22, Reply)
This is a normal post Murdering the Birth
Bloody hell.
 (I helped save b3ta! Fronkle99, Tue 15 Jul 2008, 0:35, Reply)
This is a normal post This wins

(I helped save b3ta! DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Tue 15 Jul 2008, 1:18, Reply)
This is a normal post Raising the notion or tickling the subject
F
T
W
 (I helped save b3ta! boyo81 was laying down his ordinance on, Tue 15 Jul 2008, 1:35, Reply)
This is a normal post Emptying the mist.
Do I win anything?
 (I helped save b3ta! nowimboard shouted "Bring On The Trumpets!" at, Tue 15 Jul 2008, 7:26, Reply)
This is a normal post After due consideration
My theory is definitely disproved in the universal form, but could be revived by replacing 'any' with 'most'.
I'm considering making a more reliable version with a slightly more focused list, but it would reduce the element of anticipation - two lemons or the jackpot?
 (I helped save b3ta! flatfrog Staring vacantly into space, Tue 15 Jul 2008, 9:30, Reply)
This is a normal post I think you already won
The first time I tried, it gave me "Doubting the Self".

You'll be hearing from my therapist, you bastard.
 (Wizlevard, Mon 28 Jul 2008, 21:24, Reply)
This is a normal post I'd verb her noun
^ make that one.
 (I helped save b3ta! Lord Keeps meaning to procrastinate., Tue 15 Jul 2008, 10:45, Reply)
This is a normal post Verbing weirds language.

(I helped save b3ta! Grampa, Fri 1 Aug 2008, 3:04, Reply)
This is a normal post *fixing the leather*
aaah that's much better
 (I helped save b3ta! Firkinfedup last shat on your wife's tits at, Tue 15 Jul 2008, 11:48, Reply)
This is a normal post 'attracting the produce'
mmmmmmmmm
 (I helped save b3ta! chenobble rocking his explorer beard on, Tue 15 Jul 2008, 12:46, Reply)
This is a normal post Interrupting the Apparatus
genius!
 (I helped save b3ta! SubCulture Hero ... ... He... .... Comes ... ...., Tue 15 Jul 2008, 14:24, Reply)
This is a normal post Just found my own favourite:
Tumbling the steel
 (I helped save b3ta! flatfrog Staring vacantly into space, Tue 15 Jul 2008, 14:32, Reply)
This is a normal post Commanding the cook!

(I helped save b3ta! flatfrog Staring vacantly into space, Tue 15 Jul 2008, 14:43, Reply)
This is a normal post Mourning the love...eh?
awww....

ed: However 'Owning the Thing'... definitely!
 (SenorPlankton is finding silly things to do ..., Fri 25 Jul 2008, 15:57, Reply)
This is a normal post Draining the Balance....
...or indeed Satisfying the Cough
 (slymove, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 16:05, Reply)
This is a normal post From now on.....
I'll be tickling the relation.

If anybody wants me, I'll be in my room.
 (Lord Blumpy is mildly off-topic on, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 16:07, Reply)
This is a normal post Whirling the authority
/whirls
 (Le Bon Bon suspects some kind of neutral plot, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 16:08, Reply)
This is a normal post Irritating the secretary
was the best i got
 (I helped save b3ta! Iananan Formerly known as el-rodente, not that you care, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 16:12, Reply)
This is a normal post trying the brother. bleeeeeeurgh
If I was fancying a bit of the old self mclovin' I doubt I'd want mention of brothers in there. Don't even have one either.
And as for "Appearing the judge"?!
This generator is broken....
 (I helped save b3ta! normix, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 16:13, Reply)
This is a normal post Squeaking The Growth
Oh yes... that's the one
 (tinyherb, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 16:18, Reply)
This is a normal post First two:
"Delivering the growth" and "clearing the unit."

It works, by god.

edit: Not so great on the next few pulls, until "Terrifying the trade." Ha!
 (Larry_Mudd, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 16:28, Reply)
This is a normal post Shivering the instrument

(I helped save b3ta! samjuk, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 16:48, Reply)
This is a normal post
That my friend is basically class.
 (the_riviera_kid , anyone fancy making me a brew?, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 16:49, Reply)
This is a normal post Claiming the gold.

(MrTrent cannot think of a clever sig., Fri 25 Jul 2008, 16:58, Reply)
This is a normal post Returning the learning
nice
 (Stephen Sondheim ..-. ..- -.- . -.- -.-- . .- ...., Fri 25 Jul 2008, 17:15, Reply)
This is a normal post I can't go out tonight...
I'll be at home, 'wasting the rule'.
 (Monsieur Mangetout confuses dreams and reality just like Dougal on, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 17:29, Reply)
This is a normal post I'm busy destroying the base as I type.
With one hand.
 (Scoobah, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 17:33, Reply)
This is a normal post Playing the porter
Ooh err missus.
 (Monsieur Mangetout confuses dreams and reality just like Dougal on, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 17:31, Reply)
This is a normal post Frighten
The Nation

... Oh dear
 (Faidman, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 17:39, Reply)
This is a normal post
"Applauding the growth" makes a lot of sense...
 (bunni, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 18:19, Reply)
This is a normal post Posting the Structure
great
 (project-2501, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 18:23, Reply)
This is a normal post Scratching the steel
woo!

/scratches his steel
 (I helped save b3ta! HairyTwatter certified eel and sodium salesman, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 18:28, Reply)
This is a normal post
Launching the punishment
 (I helped save b3ta! Adamsky, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 18:49, Reply)
This is a normal post Tasting the profit!
Wow, it knows I sold my man-juice for beer money! Mmm that beer tastes so good.
 (Stu Moo winner of five nobble piece prizes, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 18:49, Reply)
This is a normal post Bubbling The Hole
Winner!
 (ShaunyBoi has been surviving fires since, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 18:54, Reply)
This is a normal post Squeaking the expansion
;)
 (terrorbite, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 19:11, Reply)
This is a normal post hahaha
that was funny. I'm off to delight my property.
 (I helped save b3ta! kingofpork is the king of pork, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 19:23, Reply)
This is a normal post Jogging the paint!
nice
 (Guardy, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 19:34, Reply)
This is a normal post Draining the wood
now that's just too graphic!!! :-D

Nice work!
 (vks24, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 19:53, Reply)
This is a normal post providing the lead

(deantastic, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 20:33, Reply)
This is a normal post Bleaching the Judge
Inspired, well done.
 (I helped save b3ta! Araucaria is such a tit, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 21:05, Reply)
This is a normal post
Frightening the love??
I normally use a knife
 (taxi for gubba, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 21:33, Reply)
This is a normal post "Stirring the Bread"
Genius.

*EDIT* Ooh, followed immediately by "Firing the Money" - there's another shot on target. I love this tool, I could work it all day. Fnarr fnarr.
 (I helped save b3ta! superstoater is so mauve, you don't know what he's planning, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 22:24, Reply)
This is a normal post Wow
Blessing the Crime
 (I helped save b3ta! estuardo estuardo, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 22:48, Reply)
This is a normal post Sawing the poison.
Mmhmm...
 (Miss Maz, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 22:52, Reply)
This is a normal post
Arresting The Structure...


ARF. :D
 (Alexander The Great, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 23:01, Reply)
This is a normal post Flooding the linen

(pjxm, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 23:38, Reply)
This is a normal post Parting the Trade???
I sound like a Labour Party Conference when I'm wanking!

...actually, that might not be far off the mark...

B
 (I helped save b3ta! ousgg is not seeking approval, Sat 26 Jul 2008, 0:29, Reply)
This is a normal post "Missing the hole"
Never a truer word...
 (Bueller, Sat 26 Jul 2008, 0:29, Reply)
This is a normal post Living the Comfort
Strangely apt . . . .
 (garrison, Sat 26 Jul 2008, 0:43, Reply)
This is a normal post thesophie
I can't help but be a little perturbed by the 'eings'. eg Makeing, breatheing etc.

Still, bloody marvellous!
 (thesophie .tumblr..com, Sat 26 Jul 2008, 1:34, Reply)
This is a normal post 'soothing the wood' is a definate win but
i don't know about 'washing the water'
 (Rated Arrr for pirates and nudity, Sat 26 Jul 2008, 2:04, Reply)
This is a normal post Harming the steel
Sounds rough
 (Harleif Skankhammer II was killing time at, Sat 26 Jul 2008, 2:10, Reply)
This is a normal post reflecting the industry
awesome!
 (Astrid, Sat 26 Jul 2008, 2:13, Reply)
This is a normal post Sucking the cork
was the best I got. I like it, marvellous.
 (I helped save b3ta! Black Moon Not cracked, I'm all up to be., Sat 26 Jul 2008, 2:18, Reply)
This is a normal post Ah! The joys of the privileged few!
"Delighting the Silver"!
 (tintinmilou, Sat 26 Jul 2008, 2:23, Reply)
This is a normal post Spraying the country
and decaying the apparatus
 (denki, Sat 26 Jul 2008, 5:49, Reply)
This is a normal post deceiving the nation!
GWB's favorite pasttime? Or a little handball?

In fact, I think I'll start referring to it by names in W's administration:
- donning the rumsfeld
- dicking the cheney
- ricing the condi
- johning the ashcroft
and of course... georging the bush
 (I helped save b3ta! madrabbit is fully prepared, Sat 26 Jul 2008, 6:44, Reply)
This is a normal post planing the attack
though I assume that should me 'planning'!
 (jezmck .com, Sat 26 Jul 2008, 8:01, Reply)
This is a normal post "Grating The Self"

(Marco Van Bastard, Sat 26 Jul 2008, 9:57, Reply)
This is a normal post handling the salt!
haha!
 (Orkran Mild Euphoria Ensues, Sat 26 Jul 2008, 16:30, Reply)
This is a normal post my one sounds horrible but factual
Fetching the smell
 (furey, Sat 26 Jul 2008, 18:33, Reply)
This is a normal post Excercising the Steel
And Loving the Structure. Two for all those structural engineer wankers out there...
 (I helped save b3ta! Normanator Bad case of trapped wind since, Sat 26 Jul 2008, 19:08, Reply)
This is a normal post Completing the punishment
/completes
ahhhhh
 (I helped save b3ta! Hellzapoppin, Sat 26 Jul 2008, 19:51, Reply)
This is a normal post Producing the Meal.
That's how I always think of it.
 (kid_charlemagne is apparently still not dead yet., Sat 26 Jul 2008, 20:30, Reply)
This is a normal post Wrestling the animal..
Like it!
 (I helped save b3ta! file_id.diz is going to need a bigger drill, Sun 27 Jul 2008, 0:58, Reply)
This is a normal post 'Handling The World'
so very very true
 (catbrain likes the hairy scratchings bestest, Sun 27 Jul 2008, 13:27, Reply)
This is a normal post
For a Grrl "Appreciating the Friend" is very fitting. Yay works for everyone :)
 (MissGwen, Sun 27 Jul 2008, 14:20, Reply)
This is a normal post scratching the mind

(Vegard M Vindheim Fuck your dreams, Fuck your life., Sun 27 Jul 2008, 18:28, Reply)
This is a normal post this is great
- ruining the discovery - but I wrote a poem on the same theme once, about someone having a wank in the very internet cafe in which I now sit, and I want you to put 'contacting the local council' in like I did. If you can. In a version 1.2 or something.
 (sjflangehound, Sun 27 Jul 2008, 19:18, Reply)
This is a normal post 'knitting the ice'
HA! His drawers were full of knitted ice...
 (sjflangehound, Sun 27 Jul 2008, 19:20, Reply)
This is a normal post ...
Whipping the Butter
 (yiddo, Mon 28 Jul 2008, 14:27, Reply)
This is a normal post "rejoicing the burst"
Oh, how true
 (Super Jet Shoes, Mon 28 Jul 2008, 16:08, Reply)
This is a normal post Failing the society?

(I helped save b3ta! Rev. A-MOL is lurking around these parts again, Mon 28 Jul 2008, 18:53, Reply)
This is a normal post Clickety Click
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to flap the fruit, iykwim aityd.
 (404 Error File not found on, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 14:14, Reply)
This is a normal post attacking the disease!
lol
 (trickyric, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 16:58, Reply)
This is a normal post Melting the respect.
so true, and I hate myself for it.
 (Mr1Zillion&1, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 18:13, Reply)
This is a normal post
Exploding the Mine
 (Cluckles, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 18:18, Reply)
This is a normal post Listening to Armando Iannucci's Charm Offensive

(I helped save b3ta! verbal, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 18:58, Reply)
This is a normal post Fearing the reaction
It knows....
 (k0k0them0nkey I've got agoraphobia...no...I really do, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:03, Reply)
This is a normal post God is watching.
"Stir(r)ing the shame"
 (sliderulesyou, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 21:20, Reply)
This is a normal post Even more spookily accurate:
"Parting the hate."
 (sliderulesyou, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 21:25, Reply)
This is a normal post "Killing the death"?
I'm afraid to go near myself.
 (Sir Harrington Titsmith disgraced himself on, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 16:41, Reply)
This is a normal post "Correcting the expansion"
Fnar.
 (Sir Harrington Titsmith disgraced himself on, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 16:45, Reply)
This is a normal post "Fearing the smell..."
depends what you eat, apparently....
 (goatse gazer, Fri 1 Aug 2008, 0:31, Reply)
This is a normal post Kudos.
I love this.
 (I helped save b3ta! Grampa, Fri 1 Aug 2008, 2:37, Reply)
This is a normal post Bruising the respect
so true *sob sob*
 (I helped save b3ta! w3rthers because you're someone very special too, Fri 1 Aug 2008, 16:25, Reply)
This is a normal post 'signaling the disease'
Cheerio i'm off to the clinic
 (catbrain likes the hairy scratchings bestest, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 12:36, Reply)
This is a normal post WTF?
Stroking the father?

Oh dear.
 (RobDonkey, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 19:05, Reply)
This is a normal post Preferring the Quality.
I love it.
 (Ellinikos contains a source of phenylalanine, Wed 24 Dec 2008, 5:28, Reply)
This is a normal post ooh!
Punishing the thunder!
 (Mrs Ballunatic counting calories, not votes., Fri 13 Mar 2009, 23:52, Reply)
This is a normal post For those of you not getting laid:
Battling the dust
 (Xyphious : Sinkin' Gin since '85, Sun 15 Mar 2009, 1:35, Reply)
This is a normal post Oh yes. Oh yes indeed.
Harming the society.
 (StapMyVitals wouldn't mind a bit of that, Mon 16 Mar 2009, 0:45, Reply)