I just found a really pretty haiku.
Tsurigane ni
tomarite nemuru
kocho kana

It means 'perched upon the temple-bell, the butterfly sleeps'. It sounds lovely when you say the Japanese out loud. It made me feel all fluffy inside.
( Bob Todd whee, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 17:28, archived)

There's a syllable missing from the last line!
Stupid Japanese, they have no idea how to write haiku.

/edit: *rings temple bell very loudly*
( Newington, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 17:29, archived)

Ack!
Didn't notice that. Hmmm, I am now in some doubt as to this haiku's authenticity. Doesn't change the fact that I like it, though.
( Bob Todd whee, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 17:31, archived)

Probably the five-seven-five rule
is a more recent invention than the haiku proper, anyway.

Or maybe not. I don't know.
( Newington, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 17:33, archived)

that seems to be what wikipedia says
"Few modern English haiku poets use the 5-7-5 syllables rule, which is often inappropriately taught in schools. The 5-7-5 practice produces a haiku much longer than a traditionally composed haiku in Japanese, as the Japanese do not count syllables as they are defined in English, but instead count morae (singular mora), units of time. Morae are generally shorter than the average of English syllables which are highly variable in length"
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Haiku
(1, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 17:56, archived)

tomarite
is a tomato fertilizer
/and of course it was a lovely haiku
( Hidden Mouse, Sleeping Kitten Gromada? Gromada!, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 17:34, archived)

Ladies and Gentleman
Mr Howard Beale (2.3MB xVid Mpeg 4)
( supermoore: HUNG, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 17:16, archived)

Proof, as if it were needed,
that things are no worse now than they ever have been
( wayward., Wed 8 Sep 2004, 17:21, archived)

I wondered where I'd heard that quote before.
I think it was quoted in Outfoxed*, which I watched yesterday.

Is Network any good? Should I get hold of the book?

(PS thanks for sharing that clip)

*purely cos Rob recommended it about two weeks ago
( Pope Shax XIII uses Visio for picture editing, does it show?, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 17:29, archived)

Yes, and yes.

( supermoore: HUNG, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 17:31, archived)

Clickety click.
Ordered. And I ordered Shaun of the Dead while I was at it.

I love the Internet. I don't have to leave the house any more - does that defeat the theme of the book?
( Pope Shax XIII uses Visio for picture editing, does it show?, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 17:39, archived)

Worth it just for the specials
Funking great.
( Deebster, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 17:41, archived)

Prink.

( Noit happy baby orangutan, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 18:24, archived)

oooh.
motivational!

*opens crisps*
( Kamikaze Stoat £4.09, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 17:38, archived)

*sigh*

( supermoore: HUNG, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 17:40, archived)

thanks
that's absolutely my kind of thing.
( robtoo is all out of gum, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 18:10, archived)

Eggs.
That is all.
( Bob Todd whee, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 17:00, archived)

Eurgh.
Eggs are horrible. All rubbery and tasteless.
Not Nice Things.
( Comma, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 17:01, archived)

One of the many reasons
I'm glad I'm a vegan.

Eggy cakes are fluffier than soya-flour ones, though. Still, small price to pay.
( Bob Todd whee, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 17:05, archived)

VEGAN?
*points at the pasty-skinned unhealthy hippy*
*picks up rock*
*throws rock at the hippy*

We were given teeth that can eat meat for a reason. Animals are tasty, you fool.
( TV's Nosemonkey, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 17:09, archived)

*holds up handbag*
OooooOOOOOOOOOOooooooo!

Awww, is de poor widdle man cwoss because Bob Todd dared to disagwee wiv him? Diddums.
( Bob Todd whee, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 17:09, archived)

Nah
It's just 'cos he's an asshat.
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 17:13, archived)

Asshat
is such a great word.
( Bob Todd whee, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 17:14, archived)

No
it's my least favourite word, said by cunts

(no offense to the starfish troopers on here)
( Deebster, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 17:29, archived)

Asshat
Asshat
Asshat
Asshat
Asshat
Asshat
Asshat
Asshat
Asshat
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 19:14, archived)

You're an asshat, asshat
(Used to hang around on Fark, did we?)
( TV's Nosemonkey, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 17:16, archived)

What the fark is fark?
No...is the answer.
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 19:13, archived)

Not really.
If you won't eat it that means ore meat for me - hurrah!

I just think it's a great shame you're missing out. Beef is delicious. Chicken is great. Venison is wonderful. Pork is lovely. Lamb is pretty damn good. Sausages, bacon, cottage pie, steak and kidney pudding, liver and bacon, veal, crackling, rabbit, duck, tripe - it's all brilliant stuff!

OK, maybe not tripe, but still. I can't see why anyone would voluntarily give up the chance to eat yummy stuff.
( TV's Nosemonkey, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 17:15, archived)

www.b3ta.com/board/3684964
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 17:17, archived)

Best. Thing. Ever.
FACT.
( Comma, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 17:19, archived)

Shit. Now I have to say something nice to you.
That really is very entertaining indeed...
( TV's Nosemonkey, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 17:21, archived)

*Bums*
Why thankyou kind sir...
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 19:12, archived)

Veal makes me sad.

( Bob Todd whee, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 17:22, archived)

It makes me happy
because it tastes great.
Not as nice as fois gras, but then what is?
Although there is a very nice little restaurant just down from the Pantheon in Paris which does a fantastic veal steak with fois gras. Beautiful...
( TV's Nosemonkey, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 17:25, archived)

Fois gras makes me slightly uncomfortable
It is nice though.
Never tried veal.
( wayward., Wed 8 Sep 2004, 17:28, archived)

Veal's great
Like steak, but slightly milder.
In any case, it's no worse than lamb. You never see people eating mutton these days - you can't even buy mutton in supermarkets - it's always cute, fluffy little lambs. And the same people who eat lamb get squeamish about veal. People are odd...
( TV's Nosemonkey, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 17:35, archived)

The lambs can be free-range, though, can't they?
The veal calves can't actually move.

I've heard of free-range veal, but surely that's just plain old baby cow?
( Bob Todd whee, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 17:41, archived)

Foie Gras
is made by feeding the geese the equivalent of feeding a human two stone of spaghetti a day.
( Bob Todd whee, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 17:30, archived)

That's why it tastes so great

( TV's Nosemonkey, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 17:33, archived)

Odd, that,
when you think of the liver's function.
( Bob Todd whee, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 17:34, archived)

Cool
I love spaghetti
( wayward., Wed 8 Sep 2004, 17:35, archived)

Me too.
I like poking people with it when it's raw.
( Bob Todd whee, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 17:36, archived)

"If god didn't want us to eat animals he wouldn't have made them out of meat"
Best.
Quote.
Ever.
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 17:10, archived)

No,
the best quote ever is "beware the fish people, they are the true enemy" by Frank Zappa.
( Bob Todd whee, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 17:12, archived)

I can't really argue with that.

( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 17:13, archived)

But of course.
Frank Zappa is a god.
( Bob Todd whee, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 17:14, archived)

Didn't he write
Daddy, why does it hurt when I pee?
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 17:15, archived)

Probably.
He's got over 200 albums. Must be in there somewhere.
( Bob Todd whee, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 17:20, archived)

Nah
Just 'Why does it hurt when I pee'.

Joe's Garage is ace. :)
( Miss Behave - Delicate little flower, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 18:11, archived)

Oooh!
Me tooo!
( Miss Behave - Delicate little flower, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 18:09, archived)

What no bacon?

( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 17:01, archived)

Every time I see the url for the British Airways site I think it says bacon.
( Bob Todd whee, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 17:06, archived)

Ha ha ha
Now say Beer Can without it sounding like a Jamaican saying Bacon.
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 17:07, archived)

Ha ha ha ha ha!
Oh dear. Tee hee.
( Bob Todd whee, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 17:09, archived)

Oh,
your profile am woo! Orangefest whee retinagobang!
( Bob Todd whee, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 17:19, archived)

Buy one, get one free
I SAY BUY ONE GET ONE FREE

this man should die

www.jeffbrown.co.uk/

guestbook's faily amusing though
( miamistu snagglery, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:46, archived)

I have no idea who he is
or what advert he's talking about.
( Newington, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:48, archived)

then you sir
are the luckiest man alive (possibly)
( miamistu snagglery, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:50, archived)

He's a cunt.
All be it a slightly amusing one. I mean 'amusing', in the way you'd like to throw knifes at him.
( Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:52, archived)

He looks like the sort of bloke that on his cv under Hobbies
he has 'Scaring Children'.

I hate him and hope someone pushes him through one of those ruddy windows!
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:57, archived)

I don't even have a TV
and I know who he is...
( Pope Shax XIII uses Visio for picture editing, does it show?, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 17:05, archived)

I really enjoy it! I havent laughed as much since grandad fell down the celler steps.
lovely chap.

edit GENIE ARSE: Just thought I better tell you, cos it looks ridiculous but some one shaved part of your beard off, you muct have been asleep? They've cut a large chunk out and to b fair it looks naff so you might as well shave the rest off to hide their balls up.
( asparagus time Is in Brazil., Wed 8 Sep 2004, 17:01, archived)

Anyone here use virtualdub?
I'm think I'm being a spazz, but I can't see an easy way to resize a clip. any ideas?
( supermoore: HUNG, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:39, archived)

Not one


Edit: I hope we were of some help
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:39, archived)

Wibbly hand movements,
chanting and throwing glitter.
Wear a purple hat.
( Comma, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:43, archived)

No idea,
I much prefer Virtual Pub
( Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:43, archived)

Video -> Filters... -> Add -> Resize...
( sex and dougs and rock n roll, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 17:24, archived)

Woo
Best bit of domain sitting I ever did saw:

www.revengeofthesith.com

...which is apparently a pr0n novel. About a stripper. And a dwarf.
( Bad Horsey Bring back Dr. Ubes Rub!, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:28, archived)

What's the difference between a dwarf and a midget?
Not a joke (unless someone wants to make one out of it).
( magnum, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:31, archived)

One is evenly proportioned
The other isn't.

Can't remember which is which, though.
( Bad Horsey Bring back Dr. Ubes Rub!, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:32, archived)

Midgets are in proportion

( Hankster, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:32, archived)

Every day is a school day
here at b3ta.com.
( magnum, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:34, archived)

NOT in proportion
and with regular sized dingly danglies
tis true, i did my research
(Alicat, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:35, archived)

A mate's mate married a dwarf. 100% fact
Apparently she had a short temper though.
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:51, archived)

something to do
with proportions. one is small but correctly proportioned, other is small and looks funny too.
( asparagus time Is in Brazil., Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:32, archived)

There used to be one
Who went to the Metro rock club in London.

We all called her "The Metro Gnome".
( Bad Horsey Bring back Dr. Ubes Rub!, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:34, archived)

Pffft!

( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:42, archived)

One's good in pr0n films
the other isn't
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:34, archived)

i know i know
dwarfs are proportional and midgets are not, and
AHEM i think they prefer to be called "little people".

oh and go shop for gidget porn
(Alicat, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:34, archived)

If I was a midget
I'd punch anyone who called me a "little person" really, really hard.
In the knee.
( Newington, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 17:20, archived)

What do you think we are? Your personal midget versus dwarf trait identifying bitches?
www.justfuckinggoogleit.com/search?hl=en&lr=&ie=UTF-8&safe=off&q=difference%20dwarf%20midget&btnG=Search


Handy web link for idiots I work with.
( Pope Shax XIII uses Visio for picture editing, does it show?, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:37, archived)

It's too late now
there were some helpful people about
( magnum, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:39, archived)

It was more of an excuse to share a handy web site.

( Pope Shax XIII uses Visio for picture editing, does it show?, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:42, archived)

Web hostings
anyone know any good ones?

i've usually used easily.co.uk in the past, but i'm shopping around currently.

loadsa space and bandwidth would be nice...
( MBar And now back to your regularily scheduled lurking., Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:18, archived)

I am too lazy.
I went with dreamhost.com a couple of years ago, and now I'm just too lazy to change.

They seem to be reliable, and do all the things I want, like hosting, email and webmail. But probably everyone else does too.
( Pope Shax XIII uses Visio for picture editing, does it show?, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:20, archived)

I would recommend the company I work for, but
I once tried ordering the service for myself. I gave up after 20 minutes on the phone to a useless sales person.

One of the 'techies' who is supporting the latest product (IP telephony) asked me how to order a book on Amazon last week. I had to talk him through every single mouse click, and he couldn't even type his credit card number correctly. When the service goes live, he will be answering *all* the Tech Support calls from people who can't make their snazzy IP phones work with DSL modems.

For some reason, I get the feeling my company won't last much longer.
( Pope Shax XIII uses Visio for picture editing, does it show?, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:46, archived)

Try
www.pickaweb.co.uk


Aceness
( Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:23, archived)

heh,
i was just there. great minds, etc. etc.
( MBar And now back to your regularily scheduled lurking., Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:25, archived)

Hurrah!!



/fools sledom differ
( Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:28, archived)

maybe?
www.hostmysite.com/
(Alicat, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:24, archived)

/stalks
( Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:30, archived)

.
this lot have worked well for my web design clients but I've got my sites hosted with this lot but their packages have gone a bit rubbish recently.
( Gnoll, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:48, archived)

hmmm,
i'm liking ukwebsolutionsdirect.co.uk's pricing. much cheaper than pickaweb, and astoundingly similar sites too...
( MBar And now back to your regularily scheduled lurking., Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:57, archived)

the pricing is pretty good
bearing in mind you get MySQL and all that gubbins as well
( Gnoll, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 17:06, archived)

mine mine mine!
Seriously

The prices are per month in US dollars, so its about £3 a month for 3Gb storage and 25gig bandwidth plus all the usual sql mail handlers yadda yadda etc
( elusive I'm not really here. You're imagining me, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 17:16, archived)

cheap as chips
to quote one such idiot. kinda begs the question "whats the catch?"
( MBar And now back to your regularily scheduled lurking., Fri 10 Sep 2004, 10:57, archived)

I've just worked out
that on my current salary, given that I probably spend, on average, 5 working hours (the active stuff, not lurking) a week on here, my company should invoice B3TA for £1,776.79 for the year so far. I think that represents excellent value for money.

Could someone point me in the direction of the accounts department.

*dances on Nosemonkey's grave*
( Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:47, archived)

Just take it out on Nosemonkeys arse
He'll like that...the marmite mining, vagina decliner..
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:49, archived)

pfffffffffffffffffft
vagina decliner
(Woo Elephant Yeah, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:52, archived)

It was a toss up between that and
beaver leaver
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:53, archived)

pffffffffffffffft
I seem to have double pffffffffffft

Can someone pass me a tissue?
(Woo Elephant Yeah, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:55, archived)

*issues tissues*

( Chrico is a bounder and a cad, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:56, archived)

i'm worried
about the issue of the misuse of disused tissues
( applehead herp derp, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:03, archived)

*Passes tissue*
Clean yourself up, dear...
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:56, archived)

[insert witty retort here]

( TV's Nosemonkey, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:03, archived)

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
cunt
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:06, archived)

[inserts penis]

( Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:08, archived)

*cuts it off*
*feeds it to Geordie Al*
( TV's Nosemonkey, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:09, archived)

Oooh! Ta!
Now, have you got any stotty bread and pease pudding?
( Geordie Al, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:10, archived)

You love teh southern cock

( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:11, archived)

I think of him
as a Southern cunt.
( Geordie Al, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:11, archived)

but
how much should you invoice them for the time you spent working out how much to invoice b3ta?

*spazzes out*

/twitch
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:54, archived)

Errr.....
3 Jaffacakes & a Pint of warm tea...


/feeling generous
( Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:55, archived)

ahhhhh tea.....
nearly beer time though ....

tea or beer .... ah the terrible indecision
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:57, archived)

Tea tonight for me, Dear.
My liver is in a jar on the desk, and until I can persuade it to go back, I'm avoiding the stuff. Well, maybe just until tomorrow.
( Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:59, archived)

I regard the liver as a muscle
and as such, it benefits from regular exercise

*checks yellow colour in mirror, and wonders how anyone ever let me work in biotech*
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:01, archived)

But at least you get free and easy
access to mind altering drugs.

I have to resort to a combination of bleach, paprika and childrens tears.
( Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:04, archived)

It's true
Do you know how much 100% pure cocaine costs from Sigma-Aldrich (chemical company)? 200 notes a gram! robbery!! how can I afford that?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:07, archived)

Are you sure that's
a company and not a small Planet, inhabited by robbing bastards?
( Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:12, archived)

They do next day delivery
and often give away mugs. And they once sent me a perfume catalogue, so I'm able to order perfumes by chemical formula.
( Geordie Al, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:13, archived)

and they say romance is dead....

( Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:14, archived)

Well, I'm dating a robot*
so it works out quite well.



*Wank-O-Tron 6000
( Geordie Al, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:16, archived)

Arf!
My last girlfriend was a robot. Oh no, hang on she was a cunt. I'm always getting the two confused...

It can be a bit embarassing at times, though. I was asked to leave a recording of 'Robot Wars' after 5 minutes.
( Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:19, archived)

pffffffttt!
Bring out the house cunts!
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:20, archived)

/Jonathan Pearce trundles on
( Geordie Al, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:22, archived)

Aggggghhhh
*picks up spade and runs at Pearce*

SPAAAAAAAANNNNGGGGGG

That'll sort it
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:24, archived)

I get lots of stuff from Sigma Aldrich
They have the best free gifts.
*Waves free clock and glowy mouse*

/Also in Biotech
( Hankster, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:16, archived)

Bunch of Flukas
/unfunny science joke
( Geordie Al, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:17, archived)

Ha ha ha
I don't get it...
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:18, archived)

See this
( Geordie Al, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:21, archived)

Yes I see it
It's purdy
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:24, archived)

Now see this
( Geordie Al, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:26, archived)

Hurrah! I get it now!
So why aren't I laughing?
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:30, archived)

I don't know.
Maybe you're some kind of freak, like Nosemonkey?
( Geordie Al, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:31, archived)

TAKE THAT BACK!
There's a line that you just don't cross!
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:32, archived)

Back
( Geordie Al, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:34, archived)

ARGH!
RECURSIVEIVEIVEIVEIVEIVEIVEIVIVEIVEIVEIVIEIVIEIVEIVIEIVIEIVIVEI!
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:35, archived)

Yes.
You're my bitch now.
( Geordie Al, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:36, archived)

*Weeps*
*Lubes up*
*Weeps some more*
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:37, archived)

Because your gay




/doesn't get it
( Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:31, archived)

What about my gay?

Standard B3TA Response 8713
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:33, archived)

Genius is never appreciated in it's own lifetime
especially when it enters the wrong links
( Geordie Al, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:33, archived)

*points*
Look over there - What is it!?


*SPANGS*

Don't do it again!!!
( Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:34, archived)

*bu-doi-oi-oin*
/shakes head out of frying pan shape
( Geordie Al, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:36, archived)

*Belm*

( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:34, archived)

badum-tish
3 out of ten, and that's only cos I'm feeling generous

Fluka are the Netto of the chemical supply world anyway ....
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:19, archived)

They're part of the Sigma-Aldritch family
but, presumably the ones that married badly, and produced a filthy little little of charvs who never get invited to weddings.
( Geordie Al, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:25, archived)

theres
a big fuck off scary bayer place near me, and if you cross their permieter, you hear VOICES telling you to step away from the building
( sprinkles ITS AN ISLAND, morron, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:20, archived)

ahhh
there used to be an uber-chav lowered beemer up near where I lived in North London ... if you walked within a couple of feet of it, it would say "STEP BACK OR ALARM WILL SOUND" ...

now after 8 pints, that's just a challenge, surely? ;)
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:21, archived)

Heh heh heh
reminds me of Gareth in The Office.

STEP AWAY FROM THE COOKIE JAR!
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:27, archived)

You don't have the commitment to be an alcoholic
you give up too easily
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:02, archived)

6675 KYD - that's mine
that was conservative as well, guesstimating i spend only half my day wasting away whilst on b3ta

on another note anyone fancy a game of isketch?
(Alicat, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:57, archived)

That sounds more like
a password than a Salary!!

It also sounds like lots of money!

*whistles* Do you have a vacancy for a stalker at the moment...?
( Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:00, archived)

tax free and stalker free
lucky me!
(Alicat, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:02, archived)

Hurrah!!
*submits extensive 'Stalker' CV*
( Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:05, archived)

accepts
....calls for an interview
(Alicat, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:12, archived)

*accepts invitation for interview*

*dis-shevels self*

*attends interview*
( Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:13, archived)

i am impressed by your cv...
i do have a position which just opened. 2 questions: how much access will i have to first give you for the stalking to commence? and when can you start?
(Alicat, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:18, archived)

I can start immediately.
*starts immediately*

Which nicely answers your first question...
( Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:20, archived)

i said
leave me alone!

sheesh. no reason to get obsessed.


*runs
(Alicat, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:22, archived)

Mwahahahahaah
*slinks back in to the shadows*
( Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:25, archived)

(Combine Harvester, Sat 8 Jul 2006, 16:45, archived)

£6.83 an hour, then?

( Malchick, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:06, archived)

If it's a Sunday.

( Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:09, archived)

My systems aren't working
The air con isn't working
which also mean's I'm not working.

Fortunately the internet IS working

So hurrah! I think I may dance.
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:36, archived)

waaheeeey!
dance dance dance dance!
( asparagus time Is in Brazil., Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:41, archived)

Boogie on down!
Or up. Or maybe even sideways.
( Chrico is a bounder and a cad, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:42, archived)

*Dances*
I am Michael Flatley!
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:42, archived)

*hides in fear of being kicked in the face*

(Woo Elephant Yeah, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:47, archived)

Hmm...more of a can-can than river dance
This frilly skirt was a mistake
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:51, archived)

What kind of dance

( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:41, archived)

I fancy a foxtrot

( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:41, archived)

Cossack dancing

( Geordie Al, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:42, archived)

A
conga.
( Chrico is a bounder and a cad, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:42, archived)

da doo da doo da doooooo dooo
Everyone, join in!

/acts like embarassing relative at disco
(Woo Elephant Yeah, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:47, archived)

*camcorders*
*sends results to You've Been Framed*
*gets £250*
Huzzah!
( Chrico is a bounder and a cad, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:52, archived)

i say
like a spacker

actually whatever dance you attempt you'll look like a spacker.
( asparagus time Is in Brazil., Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:44, archived)

The best pic ever to appear on b3ta is the happy otter spaz dance*
*100% fact

EDIT : Here it is www.ukdragon.com/b3ta/happyotterspazdance.gif
(Woo Elephant Yeah, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:49, archived)

simple
yet hillarious.
( asparagus time Is in Brazil., Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:50, archived)

mnnnnnnnnnngggggh mnggghhh nnnnghhh muuuuuuhngg*
*yes
(Woo Elephant Yeah, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:54, archived)

*loads six-shooter*
*fires at Benny's feet*

Damn fucking straight you'll dance, you hatless cunt.
( TV's Nosemonkey, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:44, archived)

I find your mating rituals
quite charming
( Geordie Al, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:44, archived)

*gets on phone
to David Attenborough*
( Chrico is a bounder and a cad, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:45, archived)

You too, tieless nobjockey
*gets out gatling gun*
*aims at the northerner's legs*
( TV's Nosemonkey, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:47, archived)

Ha!
These are all false legs! The syphilis took my real ones!


/drinks pint of milk stout in celebration
( Geordie Al, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:50, archived)

Kiss my cunt
you shit eating piss fucker!
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:47, archived)

Yay!
*shakes booty*
( Miss Behave - Delicate little flower, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:45, archived)

Is that as in Pirate Booty?
YYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:46, archived)

Well
It's been called a treasure before...
( Miss Behave - Delicate little flower, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:11, archived)

Woo!
I bet you have a treasure chest too!
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 17:09, archived)

Arrr
M'booty:

images1.fotopic.net/?iid=y3h64w&outx=480&oq=0
( Miss Behave - Delicate little flower, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 18:06, archived)

I'm fucking bored :
Why oh why can't I get off my ass,
sat in my chair watching colleagues pass,
they always look over and watch what I'm doing,
why do you look, you know I do nothing!
This job is so boring, I feel I may die,
until I see Weebl muffle something about pie.
B3ta makes me happy, all be it for a while,
when along comes some work, in a big fucking pile.
I want to feel motivated, and work hard too,
but if we all did that, Rob would have nothing to do!
Well I doubt that I'll ever leave this shit place,
I'll work here forever, oh what a disgrace.
There's one thing though that makes it all better,
and that thing of course is the site they call b3ta
(Woo Elephant Yeah, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:29, archived)

Are you Mike Skinner?

( Hankster, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:30, archived)

no, he's not
Cos that stuff above wasn't total shite.

*ducks in anticipation of pro-streets backlash*
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:31, archived)

A compliment (I think). Thankyou


\does that make it just partially shite if it's not totally shite?
(Woo Elephant Yeah, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:34, archived)

Well, it was originally intended to just be an insult to the Streets
But, your ditty is nice and I like. So yes, it is a compliment. well done sir.

*hopes the fluff will keep him going till pub time*
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:37, archived)

Spankyou monkey*

There once was a mighty badger,
who had a really big todger,
known for his special spaz dance,
he was the maddest badger from France!

*badger
(Woo Elephant Yeah, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:43, archived)

why thank you
Obviously, the large cock bit may or may not make up for french bit, but no-one's ever written a poem for me before

*sniff*
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:53, archived)

Well really big cock out-weighs* France I think
*not literally
(Woo Elephant Yeah, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:57, archived)

Ah ...so....
If your cock weighs more .... than France .... then you must be ..... A WITCH!

BURN HIM!

/burns self at stake
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:58, archived)

Not the last time I looked.
Who's Mike Skinner anyway?

Edit : Oh, the chav that writes poems about going to McDonalds and makes shite songs out of it.
(Woo Elephant Yeah, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:31, archived)

I'm
soooo glad he didn't win yesterday.

(btw, I'm a student ergo I'm allowed to like Franz Ferdinand)
( Chrico is a bounder and a cad, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:34, archived)

take me out

(Woo Elephant Yeah, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:35, archived)

*Launches uppercut*
That should do the trick
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:37, archived)

Had-O-Ken!
Sonic Booom!

/nerd
(Woo Elephant Yeah, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:38, archived)

*Shits pants*



/scared
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:39, archived)

Is that opposed to
*Shits pants*





/for fun

?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:41, archived)

Well obviously
D'uh...!
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:55, archived)

I don't know, it has it's benefits




although not many, obviously. small children seem to like it...
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:59, archived)

FINNALLY!!
some one who agrees with me!
(codec monkey, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:40, archived)

this is really fucking me off...
*EDIT not the poem thingie, thats worryingly talented*
every time i send anything out on this computer, the stupid works firewall insists on 'scanning it for security purposes',which takes about 2mins... anybody got any ideas on how to stop it?
(jazzpotato, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:31, archived)

go and take
a piss in the server.
( asparagus time Is in Brazil., Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:34, archived)

I find a shit in the server more fulfilling*
*how the fuck do you spell full filling as one word?
(Woo Elephant Yeah, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:36, archived)

Like
you did just then.
( Chrico is a bounder and a cad, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:38, archived)

Splendid!
I'm fulfilled with joy after fulfilling my lifetime ambition of spelling fulfilling.
(Woo Elephant Yeah, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:45, archived)

Pour a cup of hot tea
in the hole at the front.


/Has a new second hand kettle.
( Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:36, archived)

WOO! to new kettle
what's the problem with kronenburg though? I find it the best of all freely available draft continental lagers ....
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:38, archived)

what's
the difference between the sprout and the bean?
( asparagus time Is in Brazil., Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:25, archived)

Your mum

( Malchick, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:26, archived)

no
you're mom

and yer gran too
( asparagus time Is in Brazil., Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:28, archived)

Most men can't find the bean?
But the sprout is found easily, pushed to the side of the plate
( Hankster, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:26, archived)

arf!

( asparagus time Is in Brazil., Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:29, archived)

Beans vary according to different types of bean.
Sprouts vary according to the cooking abilities of the chef.
Both can be delicious, both can be foul.
( TV's Nosemonkey, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:27, archived)

no
sprouts are always foul.

you can ask the councellor and you can ask the king, and they'll say the same thing
( asparagus time Is in Brazil., Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:30, archived)

Go faster stripes

( Geordie Al, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:27, archived)

the sprout is the leafy green bit on top
the bean is the round thing underneath, always plant beans with the sprout facing up
( mongychops, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:32, archived)

Well,
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brussels_sprout
whereas
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bean

although, alternatively, see en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sprouting
( Chrico is a bounder and a cad, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:33, archived)

hmm
"In the UK, they are a traditional winter vegetable, and are often eaten boiled with a roast dinner. They can also be stir fried or made into soup."

My grandad used to curry them.
( asparagus time Is in Brazil., Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:38, archived)

That
may just be the only way you could get me to eat one of the buggers. Cabbages are bad enough, but compressing all of the cabbage energy down into one bite... ew...
( Chrico is a bounder and a cad, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:41, archived)

i love cabbage
but sprouts are just eeeeeeewwwwwwww.
( asparagus time Is in Brazil., Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:42, archived)

please all, bless me
for I am in the path of
Hurricane Ivan
(Alicat, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:24, archived)

Can I have all your stuff?

( TV's Nosemonkey, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:26, archived)

no
i made need to make a raft outa it
(Alicat, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:27, archived)

take photos
post them on b3ta.

you might not have a home, but at least well have some cool photos to look at.

/not selfish at all.
( asparagus time Is in Brazil., Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:32, archived)

yes i will indeed
underwater camera and all
(Alicat, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:41, archived)

Oooh,
the Cayman Islands. It must be really nice around there.

Well, really nice at the moment...
( Chrico is a bounder and a cad, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:00, archived)

oh yes tis very nice
saw a 10ft hammerhead scuber diving monday :)
(Alicat, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 16:30, archived)

teen titans
episode "masks" wont give it away but theres a "heel" in it called


red X

found it funny, thought you might too
(codec monkey, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:10, archived)

what?
edit: oh sorry, you were finished? well allow me to retort!
( applehead herp derp, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:11, archived)

here we go again
there is a cartoon called teen titans, in it there is a baddie (heel) called red X as in cannot display picture
(codec monkey, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:12, archived)

i got the redex part
but the first part made absolute zero sense
( applehead herp derp, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:13, archived)

its my fault
i assumed every one was odd like me and watched cartoons in the office while they worked...

sorry
(codec monkey, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:14, archived)

cartoons would be a bonus
we get the chav office girls putting MTV Base on all the tellys... if it wasnt for internet access i would have long ago gone postal with a fire extingisher
(jazzpotato, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:17, archived)

ahhh chav girls
do they have burbery (spellings incorrect on perpose) scafs/hats or even worse.. like the ones i worked with...... *shudder* tights
(codec monkey, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:19, archived)

can i offer a burbery top trump?
girl i worked with bought a burbery bikini

off ebay
( comrade yannovski and then, of course, there was the schnapps monkey, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:22, archived)

MY EYES!!!!
and thats from only thinking about it...


*goes off to bleach mind*
(codec monkey, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:23, archived)

saw someone in a burrberry beanie
which is just bizzare. 'von dutch' is the new burberry- overpriced and deeply deeply tacky.
(jazzpotato, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:24, archived)

yes
i see alot of that at waterloo on a sat morning, caps teeshirts stupid three quarter length shorts its just plain wrong.
(codec monkey, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:27, archived)

Ah, MTV Base
The best of all the channels showing homophobic, racist, sexist promo videos
( Hankster, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:21, archived)

we enjoy a game of
'spot the white person in an MTV Base music video'... very few points ever get handed out...
(jazzpotato, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:26, archived)

Not as good as Justice League Unlimited

( TV's Nosemonkey, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:12, archived)

well no
but im odly atracted to starfire
(codec monkey, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:13, archived)

Im oddly attracted to man potatoes

(Woo Elephant Yeah, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:16, archived)

Starfire's a filthy slut
But should have been wiped out during Crisis.
Her daughter's far fitter, but I think they've given up on hypertime now, so she'll probably never be seen again...
( TV's Nosemonkey, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:18, archived)

yeah she is
id have a crack at her.

and a couple of them from eva as well esp auska...
(codec monkey, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:21, archived)

is this going to be like the time i pointed out to a mate of mine
that amy from futurama wasnt real


and also, she is well out of his league!
( comrade yannovski and then, of course, there was the schnapps monkey, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:23, archived)

shut up....
there real.... my life is built on the fact there real and its the only reason i get out of bed in the morning

(i know there not real, but still no harm in dreaming)
(codec monkey, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:25, archived)

so then...
how long has this talk board been up and running? found a link to it in the spaz yesterday, but there doesnt seem to be any links on the main page anywhere- or am i just being thick? or is this the evil dwarf messageboard that got locked in the attic and ignored,fed only on fish-heads and ...err.. ive forgotten where i was going with this...
(jazzpotato, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 14:56, archived)

Here ya go
www.b3ta.com/talk/1
( Hankster, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 14:56, archived)

crikey, that was a while ago...
...shows how perceptive i am
(jazzpotato, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:00, archived)

It's not been widely advertised.
Just word of mouth to keep the nobs away

Probably
( Hankster, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:02, archived)

Benny's here, I'm here, you're here...
Nope - not to keep the nobs away...
( TV's Nosemonkey, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:09, archived)

A good point, well made

( Hankster, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:10, archived)

i'm just messing
around with some css and have created a simple homepage.
when my html and css files are on my harddrive and i open the html file it calls on the css file without any problem.
but when i upload them both to my webspace the html doesn't call on the css file and just displays the html

the link to the css file, which is in the same directory is fine, ("href="hpage.css"). so i'm puzzled as to what else it might be.

does anyone have a clue?

apologies for length

edit: wow, do i feel silly now. i re-uploaded the files just now and it worked... guess my hosts were just being bastards yesterday...
( applehead herp derp, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 14:41, archived)

Never apologise for length, trust me
( Hankster, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 14:43, archived)

invisible ink?

( applehead herp derp, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 14:44, archived)

have you tried substiuting in an absolute path, ie. href="http://my.web.server/path/style.css"
?
( sex and dougs and rock n roll, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 14:44, archived)

yes
that didn't work either
( applehead herp derp, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 14:44, archived)

Have you given
it the actual web addres as the link.... i.e

"href="http://www.yoursite.com/cssfile.css" "

rather than i.e local/css.css

edit: Pissage of the mind *points upwards*
( Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 14:45, archived)

Shouldn't really make a difference.
(Which isn't to say it won't.)
( Newington, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 14:48, archived)

Did with me once.
Never did quite work out why. Perhaps it is because I'm mostly pissed.
( Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 14:52, archived)

Could be a case sensitivity thang.

Servers tend to be case sensitive, Windows is not. Also Windows sometimes lies and shows filenames in lowercase when they are actually in uppercase.

To make sure, rename the files something different, then back to what they should be, in lowercase. (Just changing a file from FOO.HTML to foo.html under some Windowses won't necessarily change its 'real' name. This is due to stupid, copout, bug-for-bug backward compatibility with MS-DOS.) Then reupload and try again.
( Newington, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 14:47, archived)

it appears
to have been my hosts being bastards.
but thanks for your help anyway, i'm sure it'll be useful to know at some point :)
( applehead herp derp, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 14:52, archived)

I have been pub free for almost two days now
I feel proud of myself
( Hankster, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 14:37, archived)

Gayer


What has bought on your sudden bout of abstinence?
( Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 14:38, archived)

His boyfriend got upset

( Geordie Al, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 14:45, archived)

*bums*

( Hankster, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 14:45, archived)

You'll make my pimp angry

( Geordie Al, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 14:46, archived)

Lack of monies
Spent it all on voddy and crack whores in Newquay
( Hankster, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 14:45, archived)

Hurrah!!
You're an inspiration to us all....

*looks up 'crack whores' in Yellow Pages*
( Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 14:47, archived)

why is it that:
- trying to play bass accurately whilst jumping around is so damn difficult?
- playing the bass always gives me a fucking blister on my middle finger, meaning that i won't be able to play it for another week ?
- despite the above two questions, it's sooo much fun ?

edit: noted; yes, jumping around isn't strictly necessary.
( sex and dougs and rock n roll, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 14:04, archived)

a) Stand the fuck still
b) Just keep going, you need to get your calluses built up.
( supermoore: HUNG, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 14:05, archived)

yep
that's what my dad would also say

that and "I played till my fingers bled"
( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 14:25, archived)

Super glue on your finger tips.
Worked alright for Stevie Ray Vaughan, until his plane helicopter fell out of the sky.
( Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 14:06, archived)

Helicopter

( Hankster, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 14:33, archived)

That's what I said

( Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 14:34, archived)

Wear a thimble.

( Comma, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 14:08, archived)

the bass player in my band can jump and play
i think he just times it so that on the downstroke he jumps and hits the upstroke on the way down

now playing guitar and jumping that is difficult
( comrade yannovski and then, of course, there was the schnapps monkey, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 14:08, archived)

You think that's hard?
Try playing the harpsichord and jumping.
( Geordie Al, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 14:14, archived)

pah
try a harp
( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 14:27, archived)

No thanks
I couldn't eat a whole one.
( Geordie Al, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 14:27, archived)

it's a lager

( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 14:38, archived)

Only in their opinion

( Geordie Al, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 14:46, archived)

heh heh, true
I've not had any ever *

*I don't think
( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 14:58, archived)

It's overrated
At least, that's what my girlfriend says.
( Geordie Al, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 15:20, archived)

I do hope he doesn't jump in a Busted fashion

( Hankster, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 14:15, archived)

Edit Whore!
I think, or am I seeing things....

:)
( Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 14:19, archived)

nope. i am the editty slut whore

( Hankster, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 14:20, archived)

Wurghhhhh
*rubs thighs*

*offers Ten Pounds*
( Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 14:21, archived)

i assure you he doesnt
(if i knew what a busted jump was like)

we will have a demo CD after this weekend, any chance of a gig at your rock night thing in didders?

subject to you liking the CD of course
( comrade yannovski and then, of course, there was the schnapps monkey, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 14:29, archived)

Email me at my gmail addy in my profile and I'll send you my address
As long as you just send the cd and don't get any ideas about giving me an anal surprise
( Hankster, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 14:34, archived)

damn
ok, just the CD then



cue sinister laugh, muwahahahaha
( comrade yannovski and then, of course, there was the schnapps monkey, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 14:39, archived)

ITS WHAT I GO TO SCHOOL FOR
not that i go to school now i'm old(ish), and know i don't like busted, or even acknowledge what they do as music, it just seemed appropriate

and sorry bout the caps lock, i always hit it accidently, is there anyway to disable it?
( The Incredible... accident free since, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 14:16, archived)

Just remove the key.
Alternatively, reasign it to something useful.
( supermoore: HUNG, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 14:17, archived)

Break its legs.

( Comma, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 14:20, archived)

or lobotomise it
( sex and dougs and rock n roll, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 14:24, archived)

jumping around? try small movements first (a la the addicted to love video). the key is to try and keep your right hand locked onto the body and your left hand always touching the neck. once you can move the neck and keep your left hand on it then you can go wild

blisters? play with the blister, or pop it and wait a day or so for it to slightly heal then play again. build up tough skin
( applehead herp derp, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 14:21, archived)

I just got shouted at by a bunch of pikey scum
in baseball caps, in a white escort (E reg IIRC, rusting to hell) because I didn't risk my life and squeeze between the speeding cars in order to get into a side road.

With hindsight, I should have took an offensive weapon. Something that shouted fuck you you motherfucker. Or similar.

However, I didn't, I just waited for a suitable gap in the traffic.

What do you do when confronted with pikey scum who shout abuse at you (and you are by yourself)?
( magnum, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 13:36, archived)

ignore them
or get out and take a shit in their sunroof.

edit: or you can give them a really big happy smile and a cheery wave.
( asparagus time Is in Brazil., Wed 8 Sep 2004, 13:38, archived)

Join them
so that together you can rule Harlow.
( Geordie Al, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 13:46, archived)

Either ignore them
or tell them to fuck off.
( supermoore: HUNG, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 13:47, archived)

ignore them, then vent your pent up anger in public places.
( sex and dougs and rock n roll, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 13:56, archived)

Abuse from pikey scum =
pikey scum don't like you =
you are what pikey scum don't like.     (1)
Pikey scum only like things that are shite, and dislike anything that is actually good.     (2)

Subst. (2) into (1).
You can almost take it as praise.
( Newington, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 13:58, archived)

Ignore them.
Or walk up to them and stare them down.

Mind you- I am a hard fucker when angry.
( Razor What the fuck - a sig?, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 14:12, archived)

i think GLC have answered this conundrum
just shout back

YOUR MOTHER'S GOT A PENIS!
( The Incredible... accident free since, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 14:20, archived)

heh heh
what if it's true
( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 14:28, archived)

even better

( The Incredible... accident free since, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 14:33, archived)

Here is a happy little story my friends and I wrote:
One day, the grumbledook pottered down to the local dingley fairy dell to show the dingley fucking fairies how to build adequate defences against sudden penguin attack. Unfortunately, without sufficient penguin deflecting armour, the poor fairies had little protection against the wrath of the demented Orange-wielding warrior from beyond the Slate Mine, and they could not envisage a more distressing picnic. Not once did he stop to consider the sickening consequences of what would prove to be an advantageous business proposal between himself and Lionel Blair.
The grumbledook pulled a most tremendous thing from his lizard-skin handbag: it was a bright yellow wellington, which he used to fight off a swarm of radioactive killer bees. Then, trouble arrived! The dreaded woe kitten descended from the top of a McVities lorry which was carrying a fuckload of Jaffa Cakes to Brian Blessed and boomed rather apathetically "Woe Unto Thee". Not that he normally said this, or wanted to, but the Pope with his whip and leather bikini drove his Popemobile all over the shop, bellowing loudly: "Bring me your dingleyness! Pickled in your love juices. Otherwise, I shall shave your mother, shan't I, Kitty?"

The woe kitten turned on him, spraying forth its vomitous bile of mini clones of Peter Gabriel's chin, until the Pope of Bong took out his enormous phallic plasma cutter, and removed their will to live.
"Oh no!" they wailed, as the Pigeon of Doom furiously wanked off at a picture of Judy Finnegan. The Pigeon's pulsating cranial vein exploded, spraying passers by with secreted resin. Agonized, the people waxed most furious, charging angrily toward the Pigeon, when the pigeon unexpectedly inploded with the force of fifty megatons of gelignite. Seeing the carnage, Brian Blessed and his warm fluffy flying frog decided to create a replica ferret harness, to control the mighty poo headed winkle. Without strong enough lengths of spaghetti junction reserved in the name of Serious Van Der Wankywankywankwankpiss, the posse was unable to bring home the winkle's most outrageous book of slimy pornographic material and the winkle was aroused within an impossibly short second. Thirteen point four nano-seconds later, the skidmarked underpants imploded with enough force to skullfuck a newly born vole, thus creating a malevolent black hole. The Grumbledook's stupendous raging hormones caused a build-up of erotic energy, causing Mr Wankywankywankwankpiss to start a striptease.

"It's working!" cried the Dreaded Woe Kitten, "They're leaving the dingley fairy dell for the outskirts of the civilized region of Gotteros. The tiger-sparrows will rape your dying children, and the Dictator, Gotty, will save the children for genetic experiments, but then he'll give them to the army for bagel-making purposes.

And I then turned it into a comic:
Part 1
Part 2
( Bob Todd whee, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 13:24, archived)

argh
adjectives galore
( Tiggy Twitchin', Wed 8 Sep 2004, 13:26, archived)

woo! to your hatstand skills.
hehe
( sex and dougs and rock n roll, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 13:29, archived)

*glances at all the text*
*sees words 'The woe kitten turned on him, spraying forth its vomitous bile of mini clones of Peter Gabriel's chin.*

For that statement alone you get a woo
and for the whole thing
you get a Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay+
( Giant bunny jumping out like a large happy tourettes rabbit, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 13:30, archived)

Taa.
Dan came up with the Peter Gabriel's chin bit.

For a breakdown of who did what, click here.
( Bob Todd whee, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 13:35, archived)

My goodness.

( Newington, Wed 8 Sep 2004, 13:31, archived)