
( , Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:52, archived)

yay to you ya cocknobbler!
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:58,
archived)

I have never been in a swimming pool with an Eiffel Tower in it.
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:45,
archived)

i meant the water, ah i dont know, an inflatable eiffel tower, what next? a large aquatic mammal in the middle of london, i swear, the day that happens ill eat a live kitten
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:47,
archived)

i was only born on tuesday
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:50,
archived)

unless you swallowed it whole, I hope you de-clawed it first or it'll be playing merry hell with your insides.
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:50,
archived)

TJ: Just got off the phone with the BBC. The head honcho wasn't too impressed but the guy who runs the magazine (where the quiz was) thought it was ace and took my details. :)
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:46,
archived)

I had to promise not to do another BBC shop.
"We take a very dim view of this sort of thing."
"So dim you actually use the spoof on your own site???"
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:48,
archived)
"We take a very dim view of this sort of thing."
"So dim you actually use the spoof on your own site???"

they use it but hate it.
You had your fingers crossed, right?
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:50,
archived)
You had your fingers crossed, right?

He admitted it was funny too, but said their policy is to always 'track down' the people behind such things. Which you, sir, might wish to be aware of.
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:53,
archived)

in an easy to find gallery tomorrow.
With my name and address on the bottom...
As Pachey said earlier, parody is a valid defence!
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:57,
archived)
With my name and address on the bottom...
As Pachey said earlier, parody is a valid defence!

He said the danger was in people thinking they're real, at which I expressed no small amount of surprise.
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 17:00,
archived)

I'm always confused by whether that's real!
Let's parody their arses until they bleed, or somesuch!
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 17:09,
archived)
Let's parody their arses until they bleed, or somesuch!

Got them and will do summat moore amusing than this next time.
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 17:23,
archived)

if he got your details that means hes going to come round and nick your idea, then kill you before you can patent it!
fool!
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:48,
archived)
fool!

where to send the hitman around to...**
I'd lock my doors if i was you.
or move.
**may not be true
Edit:
jaysus H mindpissed again....
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:49,
archived)
I'd lock my doors if i was you.
or move.
**may not be true
Edit:
jaysus H mindpissed again....

i drank 2 pints of piss the other night
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:54,
archived)

holding onto your neck and telling you you should wear a tie?
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:54,
archived)

same goes for numbats, except they wear tuxedos
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:32,
archived)

Have a book on how to get rid of unwanted gifts
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:32,
archived)

"fire the offending gift from a 17th century naval cannon"
that one always makes you a hit with the ladies
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:34,
archived)
that one always makes you a hit with the ladies

its actually more of a pamphlet with that written on in large letters
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:37,
archived)

it was in the url of one of your pic posts earlier
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 17:58,
archived)

by any chance?
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:35,
archived)

I know... I am a little slow today.
Well, actually not just today, come to think of it.
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:37,
archived)
Well, actually not just today, come to think of it.

Looks more like a possum to me.
Edit: Just checked filename. Feels foolish.
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:39,
archived)
Edit: Just checked filename. Feels foolish.

I was not actually aware these were two seperate species, at most two classifications for types of the same species. Well, googling "possum" turns up these furry bastards anyway, so I'm not to bothered by the mistake.
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:46,
archived)

in asking for directions as no man has ever gotten lost. We always know exactly where we are going.
( ,
Sat 28 Jan 2006, 7:30,
archived)

but cheers anyway, it is B3TA
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 17:13,
archived)

Kevin, thou shall not buy your clothes at topshop again.
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:26,
archived)

what a twat wearing a nice old cardigan which probably ost about £40 and could have bought from salvation army shop for about £2
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:28,
archived)

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.
Things we'd really like to see include
* XXX
* XXX
* XXX
EDIT: Thanks everyone. Plenty of useful suggestions.
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:18,
archived)
Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.
Things we'd really like to see include
* XXX
* XXX
* XXX
EDIT: Thanks everyone. Plenty of useful suggestions.


* BRITISH ROADKILL CUISINE - can you live on
a diet of hedgehogs and kittens? No cheating
and running them over on purpose.
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:22,
archived)
a diet of hedgehogs and kittens? No cheating
and running them over on purpose.

do an issue on roadkill, but leave out squirrels? AMATEURS!
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:27,
archived)

hearing about some restaurant in the US somewhere that serves only roadkill. May have been a dream though, it's hard to tell sometimes.
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:25,
archived)

who lived on roadkill, or a cookbook or something
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:27,
archived)

reminds me of Baseketball. "ROADKILL!! caught on tape".
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:24,
archived)

accusing them of having nicked your socks after you took them off to test the rugs, and demanding a free pair in recompense.
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:20,
archived)

ice cream shoes
A full sized boat made from corks
use only a spork for a month
wear a Dick Beattie costume for a whole week
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:20,
archived)
A full sized boat made from corks
use only a spork for a month
wear a Dick Beattie costume for a whole week

And a scale model of a Redwood tree made entirely out of matchsticks.
Then set it alight..

( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:22,
archived)
Then set it alight..


The deadly triumvirate of evil study for their MBA, in the hope that their plans may come off better in future.
Or someone going to great lengths to run a comlpicated experiment, only for me to point out that their initial logic was flawed and their conclusion should read "I am uh Joey". I then get upset and decide that IWILL NEVER READ THE NEWSLETTER AGAIN COS THE STANDARD IS SLIPPAGE.
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:20,
archived)
Or someone going to great lengths to run a comlpicated experiment, only for me to point out that their initial logic was flawed and their conclusion should read "I am uh Joey". I then get upset and decide that IWILL NEVER READ THE NEWSLETTER AGAIN COS THE STANDARD IS SLIPPAGE.

A new mail order company specialising in the Canadian delicacy.
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:22,
archived)

(inspired by my not washing up for 4 days)
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:21,
archived)

Sexy Nuns ?
or
A picture of the spacktard that collects the trollies at your local supermarket
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:21,
archived)
or
A picture of the spacktard that collects the trollies at your local supermarket

angering a group of swans and setting them on him to see how much damage they can do
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:22,
archived)

Shoot yourself with your mobile phone while robbing a house with no mask.
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:22,
archived)

You have to wipe up its snot before it drips onto your lap. Loose points every time it sneezes.
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:22,
archived)

a kitten sneezed on me once when he had a cold, snot all ove rmy jeans, and to make matters worse there was a girl i quite fancied in the room. Not that it made a difference - i was 12, and hadn't a clue.
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:31,
archived)

Maybe being measured in a lingerie department for a bra.
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:25,
archived)

but have this in relation to the rude things on easter eggs thing you did a couple of weeks back
www.w92.info/romance/
Its 2 years old now so some of the links dont work but it kicks their asses
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:23,
archived)
www.w92.info/romance/
Its 2 years old now so some of the links dont work but it kicks their asses

that pays shit loads and doesnt involve moving too much.
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:23,
archived)

of Greenland, made on a scale of 1 inch = 1 inch
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:24,
archived)

I have a sealed Thermos flask with approx a cups worth of milky coffee inside, that has been on my desk since 2 weeks before Xmas. I reckon that might be a good contender for mould of the month. Not to mention the hefty vacuum it will have created.
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:24,
archived)

Stick it in the middle of a shopping centre on saturday
open
...
profit.
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:29,
archived)
open
...
profit.

ROYAL FIGHTING GAME - Want to see Prince Charles pull out the heart of the Queen Mother in a Flash-based fighting game? So do I! Get making it. Extra credit due if you can kill Princess Diana with a car.
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:25,
archived)

Is it possible to power your house using a dynamo and the pressure from the water mains?
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:25,
archived)

website that lets you MMS photos the random street cats around where you live. Therefore enabling other visitors to list cats in their postcode. So you can keep tabs on them in case they gang up start mugging people.
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:25,
archived)

In OngBak Tony Jaa jumps over a car without touching it - what can you jump over without touching?
Try and get a tagged image to go viral
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:26,
archived)
Try and get a tagged image to go viral

A frenchman looking shifty
Three irate bank staff after an old woman has soiled a chair.
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:26,
archived)
Three irate bank staff after an old woman has soiled a chair.

see how much you can fit in your mouth
wear your clothes back to front at work in a "Kriss-Kross" stylee
appear on national or local telly holding an amusing meme-related sign
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:26,
archived)
wear your clothes back to front at work in a "Kriss-Kross" stylee
appear on national or local telly holding an amusing meme-related sign

Mmm...
DIY curcumcisions, in pictures.
pictures of your mum in saucy underwear.
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:27,
archived)
DIY curcumcisions, in pictures.
pictures of your mum in saucy underwear.

----------------------------------------------------------------\/
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:29,
archived)

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.
Things we'd really like to see include
* WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
* SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates.
* B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from 'womens world' Challenge
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:30,
archived)
Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.
Things we'd really like to see include
* WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
* SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates.
* B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from 'womens world' Challenge

FURRY FIGHT-BACK
Shave your pets then dress them up in tiny human clothes and get them to dry hump each other, like people do. Take snaps or write bad fan fiction about it and send the results in.
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:30,
archived)
Shave your pets then dress them up in tiny human clothes and get them to dry hump each other, like people do. Take snaps or write bad fan fiction about it and send the results in.

have more b3tans died from drug overdose
or plane crash?

STUDENT KITCHEN
All students are dirty. And sponges. I took an air sample of our kitchen at university and the tutor was perturbed at the amount of bacteria and fungi that had grown in a day. But how much of a health hazard lurks in your kitchen? Send us your filthy photos.
edit: arses, should have read the entire thread, already been submitted.
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:36,
archived)
All students are dirty. And sponges. I took an air sample of our kitchen at university and the tutor was perturbed at the amount of bacteria and fungi that had grown in a day. But how much of a health hazard lurks in your kitchen? Send us your filthy photos.
edit: arses, should have read the entire thread, already been submitted.

yes YES yes YES yes YES yes YES yes YES yes YES yes YES yes YES yes YES yes YES yes YES
yes YES yes YES yes YES
yes YES yes YES yes YES yes YES yes YES yes YES
yes YES yes YES yes YES yes YES
yes YES yes YES yes YES yes YES yes YES yes YES
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:50,
archived)
yes YES yes YES yes YES
yes YES yes YES yes YES yes YES yes YES yes YES
yes YES yes YES yes YES yes YES
yes YES yes YES yes YES yes YES yes YES yes YES

that's so great
i shant be able to go to sheffield tomorrow :(
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:22,
archived)
i shant be able to go to sheffield tomorrow :(

He's obviously down the tavern with his homie Mercutio
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:26,
archived)

however, for ze record - wherefore means why, not wherabouts.
:@ )
U C shes 1ndrin y e + 2 b a montague, er fmlys nmes
o never mind....
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 19:09,
archived)
:@ )
U C shes 1ndrin y e + 2 b a montague, er fmlys nmes
o never mind....

/former english student.
let's just put it down to poetic licence. ;)
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 22:01,
archived)
let's just put it down to poetic licence. ;)
![Challenge Entry: A World For Women [challenge entry]](/images/board_posticon_c.gif)
a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn't commit. These women promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire the A-Team.
Face, "Howling Madge" Murdock, Hanny and BA Baracus are:

( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:16,
archived)
Face, "Howling Madge" Murdock, Hanny and BA Baracus are:


dun da der da da der
danna da der dun diddle un dun dun dun
etc
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:19,
archived)
danna da der dun diddle un dun dun dun
etc



Can someone gif-ize this for me? I will host and edit if so :)
www.cat-biscuit.com/whale.swf
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:09,
archived)
www.cat-biscuit.com/whale.swf

a tune to go with it,then? It's very happy, and I like it, btw.
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:14,
archived)

"The Famous Polka" by They Might Be Giants
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:27,
archived)

Although any movie clip library objects will not animate themselves
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:14,
archived)

image ready might do the trick. I can't get it under 900k even with 16 colours and non-animating whale *cry*
and Flash is the only image editing software I can get my filthy mitts on
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:17,
archived)
and Flash is the only image editing software I can get my filthy mitts on

and make it lossy.
Personally I prefer the look of flash as it is because gifs are a nightmare if they have a large number of frames.
One pic I did was about 20k as a swf but 300k as a gif.
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:22,
archived)
Personally I prefer the look of flash as it is because gifs are a nightmare if they have a large number of frames.
One pic I did was about 20k as a swf but 300k as a gif.

but I did find this modest collection of tidy Star Wars images and wanted to share:
www.starwarsguiden.net/guide/karakterer/
Oh, and I made this for you:

( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:05,
archived)
www.starwarsguiden.net/guide/karakterer/
Oh, and I made this for you:


AAAAAAAAARRRGG ugh ugh gu hg uhuhuhuhuuuuuuuhhhhh fwockfwcokak splumt
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:29,
archived)

www.starwarsguiden.net/guide/karakterer/img/as/stor/4.jpg
...he looks happy...
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:23,
archived)
...he looks happy...

and what would it taste of, come to think of it could you make cheese out of human milk?
theres a newsletter challenge for ya!
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:08,
archived)
theres a newsletter challenge for ya!

I love the line, "My goal would ultimately be to identify a large set of mostly-vegan
lactating women to use as milk sourcers". Not one you often hear at the water-cooler.
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:15,
archived)
lactating women to use as milk sourcers". Not one you often hear at the water-cooler.

alot of nursing ladies make foods stuffs..ice lollies from breastmilk are very handy for teething little one's..and some Dr has started drinking it cos he's got cancer and breastmilk contains proteins that can kill cancer *and* te h bad AIDS too!!
Nothing stopping you from trying yourself. In fact that should be a b3ta newsletter challenge..to have a male reader induce lactation!
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 17:02,
archived)
Nothing stopping you from trying yourself. In fact that should be a b3ta newsletter challenge..to have a male reader induce lactation!

cos all the little bacterium have been killed in the heating proccess
but human milk on the other hand.....
.....all i can think of is the profit....*rubs hands together*
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:11,
archived)
but human milk on the other hand.....
.....all i can think of is the profit....*rubs hands together*

as the UHT stands for Ultra Heat Treatment which heats the milk to a stupidly hot temperature and then cools it rapidly thus killing bad bacteria, but it should still be possible to use rennet to seperate the curds from the whey, and thus be on the road to cheese making.
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:11,
archived)

and nobody wants that..... because its shoite!
WOO!!
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:07,
archived)
WOO!!

I'm off to the pub
goodweekend y'all
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:00,
archived)
goodweekend y'all

the network has gone so slow all i can see
are the written replies but no pics :(
have a woo anyways!
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:00,
archived)
are the written replies but no pics :(
have a woo anyways!

performing oral pleasures on Natasha Kaplinksy while Fiona Bruce widdles on them
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:05,
archived)

I had that image saved for ages and never thought of anything to do with it!
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:08,
archived)

of a road trip through FL-AN-GE, ashally :)
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 15:58,
archived)

"are" the best... "mingeholes" is* plural. :-)
(* and I don't think that should be "are plural"... oh fuck, I'm confused now)
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:05,
archived)
(* and I don't think that should be "are plural"... oh fuck, I'm confused now)

its a land-locked country between COCKSTILTON, FANNYRAT, and SWITZERLAND
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 16:19,
archived)

wtf?
If I had a picture of a duck saying wtf I would post it.....
.... now!
( ,
Fri 27 Jan 2006, 15:57,
archived)
If I had a picture of a duck saying wtf I would post it.....
.... now!
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