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Buffy's swearing keyboard - WTF?

QUIM - never heard anyone use that as a swear word in my life.

ELEPHANT COCK - Never heard the expression. Cock is a slang word here not a swear word. Dick is also a slang word but is coupled with 'head' as an insult - you do not hear people called cockheads however.

RECTUM - is a proper word to describe your arsehole! Not considered swearing and NOT used as a swear word either.

TIT - is not considered swearing.

URINE - is, well, just urine!

[we aint doing very well so far are we?]

IGUANA SCROTUM - ???????? An animal and an anatomical term.

OVARIES - Who made this website? A retarded medical student on a government sponsored 6wk training programme? You know the sort of thing - 6 wks ago I couldnt spell Surgeon and now I ARE ONE!

SHITE - gawd they cannot even spell SHIT correctly!

GASH - well I can only imagine what they refer to - but it is not a British Swear Word.

HYMEN - I almost rest my case here - WTF?

JIZZ - WHAT????

KANGEROO SPUNK - Cannot spell Kangaroo! And spunk is not considered swearing either!

LABIA - See above - it MUST BE a wannabee med student and probably a Chinese one too! After all I have a set of Musical Christmas Lights made in China and apparently they think 'London Bridge is Falling Down' is a carol.

ZEBRA BASTARD ZEBRA ZEBRA ZEBRA ZEBRA FUCKER - Yes that's what it says! Bastard and Fucker can be considered swearing - what on earth have poor Zebra's done to upset this moron?

XYLOPHONE BUGGERY - nothing offensive about a xylophone and buggery describes a sex act and is the proper term for it.

VAGINAL DISCHARGE - sigh.......

NADS - I am losing the will to live here.....

MINGE - an old fashioned slang term for Vagina. Hardly ever heard and certainly not as a swear word.

Last one coming up - hang in there!

FUCK OFF - at last - some swearing!

(tang, Fri 12 Mar 2004, 14:19, archived)

rite.

i'm off.

(

Mortal Wombatteries not included - Awesome Awesome Awesome, Fri 12 Mar 2004, 14:20, archived)

I'll join you

thats it for me too

(

Kris Fucking Kristofferson, Fri 12 Mar 2004, 14:21, archived)

Where's

Cock Off?

(

mother inferior - now fully in compliance with the Trades Descriptions Act, being both a mother and inferior, Fri 12 Mar 2004, 14:20, archived)

hello

i made you a pressy to thank you for your praise of derek and his reflection....

(

summat to do with kittens, Fri 12 Mar 2004, 14:22, archived)

yeah

FUCK OFF

(

sinisterduck, Fri 12 Mar 2004, 14:20, archived)

Do shut up you cockjockey.

(

Spider Fucking Riviera got stiches for a knife wound for the first time, Fri 12 Mar 2004, 14:20, archived)

all i can say

is, you are a trout...

and also MAKE SOMETHING BETTER THEN, IGUANA SCROTUM!!!

(

GrandmaOfShoes, Fri 12 Mar 2004, 14:21, archived)

That's almost as funny

as the keyboard itself. Although a lot less creative.

(MattDP (Squiggle), Fri 12 Mar 2004, 14:21, archived)

Have you ever

worked out what a board is for before posting on it?

HAHAHA - notice the little scrote is confused by 'hymen'.

(

Rev. A-MOL is lurking around these parts again, Fri 12 Mar 2004, 14:21, archived)

ha ha ha ha ha

(peewee13, Fri 12 Mar 2004, 14:26, archived)

Shut up

badger cock

(

Shoosh up your lips Not state-funded, Fri 12 Mar 2004, 14:22, archived)

that made me laugh out loud

woo

(hamchicken&peas, Fri 12 Mar 2004, 14:24, archived)

Thanks for that.

Now fuck off.

(WouldSwapABearForATiger, Fri 12 Mar 2004, 14:22, archived)

Let's see you do better, cranberry

Sorry - "cunt"

(

Ravenous bug-blatter beast, Fri 12 Mar 2004, 14:22, archived)

Missed out the letter y

it perfectly describes you

(

parttimedogfish is a Born-Again Reincarnationist, Fri 12 Mar 2004, 14:22, archived)

hey you.

your dad fucks chickens and your mother lays the eggs.

(Dr Gonzo, Fri 12 Mar 2004, 14:23, archived)

cunt

(

Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 12 Mar 2004, 14:23, archived)

*clicks ignore*

(Astatine, Fri 12 Mar 2004, 14:23, archived)

tell it to your MP

fuck off

(guinea, Fri 12 Mar 2004, 14:23, archived)

jizz

vulgar term for semen;

eg "I sprayed my jizz all over her tits"

"swallow all that jizz bitch and my 12 mate's too"

(peewee13, Fri 12 Mar 2004, 14:24, archived)

Ah,

I love tuesday nights in.

(

bovine I'm so old, even my old is old, Fri 12 Mar 2004, 14:25, archived)

for me that's on thursday

oh you do tickle my giggle gland and make it wobble sir.

(

Mortal Wombatteries not included - Awesome Awesome Awesome, Fri 12 Mar 2004, 14:27, archived)

I don't whether

to feel flattered or whether to hide...or whether to check out the dictionary to see if I'm spelling whether correctly.

(

bovine I'm so old, even my old is old, Fri 12 Mar 2004, 14:30, archived)

wow

you don't know so hard you omitted the word 'know'

*impressed*

(

Mortal Wombatteries not included - Awesome Awesome Awesome, Fri 12 Mar 2004, 14:31, archived)

Not in my

head I didn't.

(

bovine I'm so old, even my old is old, Fri 12 Mar 2004, 14:35, archived)

I'm sorry

has your sense of humour been removed or has your arse started giving its own opinions?

(

bovine I'm so old, even my old is old, Fri 12 Mar 2004, 14:24, archived)

You might have seen his arse

It is right below his nose.

/Big Yin

(t3d on FTLFM now http://83.149.101.8:8070/listen.pls, Fri 12 Mar 2004, 14:30, archived)

I suppose

When people call you a C U N T you correct them on the correct use of anatomical terminology.

You C U N T

(

pattwat, Fri 12 Mar 2004, 14:24, archived)

(

Enigmatic ™ Voice No More ©, Fri 12 Mar 2004, 14:24, archived)

oooh

can I?

(guinea, Fri 12 Mar 2004, 14:25, archived)

christ!

I would.

(

Razor What the fuck - a sig?, Fri 12 Mar 2004, 14:29, archived)

fwap

fwapfwapfwapfwapfwapfwap

(

sprinkles ITS AN ISLAND, morron, Fri 12 Mar 2004, 14:35, archived)

Mmmm

That am tasty...

fwap

(

Christian Bale of Hay in a field, Sat 13 Mar 2004, 7:15, archived)

i think i know... *deja vu*

(

nowimboard shouted "Bring On The Trumpets!" at, Tue 16 Mar 2004, 22:11, archived)

Ha ha ha!

Best all-text first post ever!

(Indole Ring, Fri 12 Mar 2004, 14:25, archived)

Nope

The one on Wednesday who, after 3 minutes of being a member, had as their first post

"I'm off now, goodbye!"

(

Rev. A-MOL is lurking around these parts again, Fri 12 Mar 2004, 14:26, archived)

oh yes!

then when questioned about it being their first post re[plied with the genius induced statement...

'just lurking and de-lurking'

(

Mortal Wombatteries not included - Awesome Awesome Awesome, Fri 12 Mar 2004, 14:29, archived)

Yeah

that was good.

But then again weres the rude stuff was good.

(

magnum, Fri 12 Mar 2004, 14:31, archived)

lol that was a good un

but not as good as "I utterly demand who da fuck loves Rammstein"

(Woo Elephant Yeah, Fri 12 Mar 2004, 14:32, archived)

yes

your username change made i laugh too!

(

spacefish bong!, Fri 12 Mar 2004, 14:27, archived)

You have never been called a cock head?

I can sort that, you're a cock head.

(

Disco Dancer, Fri 12 Mar 2004, 14:25, archived)

phew

just as my search for a swearing buffy was drawing to an end you have warned me of the disapointment that would await me.

thank you for reducing my pain.

(gonzorv, Fri 12 Mar 2004, 14:25, archived)

well

tell you when you're older
*Snigger*

(

sprinkles ITS AN ISLAND, morron, Fri 12 Mar 2004, 14:28, archived)

at last!

a chance to use the ignore button! *click*

(Barkotron_the_Magnificent, Fri 12 Mar 2004, 14:29, archived)

hooray!

I'm putting that review on my gravestone.

(

rob, Fri 12 Mar 2004, 14:30, archived)

fantastic stuff

(

Sunshine Elephant, Fri 12 Mar 2004, 14:31, archived)

"Last one coming up - hang in there!

FUCK OFF "

(

VampireMonkeyOnSpeed a super sexy sexual sex terrorist sex, Fri 12 Mar 2004, 14:34, archived)

i would like to state that the above post is bollocks

as a medical proffesional i feel fully qualified to use the word bollocks in my above statement.

and would like to state that it was a 7 week course, so you my friend (and i use the term loosely) are talking shit

(

mostly harmless John Leslie raped me on, Fri 12 Mar 2004, 14:37, archived)

SUBJECT: Your post of. Fri 12 Mar, 14:19

Dear Master Tang

I would like to point out to lurkiung on adult web sites and the inherant dangers held therein. The adults (often referred to as grown ups) think that swearing is both big and clever. Admittedly they acknowledge that it is also purile and juvenile. (aw fuck it.)

Listen to me you little spunkbubble. How the fuck were you the best swimmer out of over 1 million candidates. Why didn't you do us all the favour and run down your mothers leg with the rest of them before she could pull her knicker back on. You have just made a really shitty day into a fantastic Friday. you.. you

cock jockey.

EDIT: Sorry folks didn't mean to go on.

(t3d on FTLFM now http://83.149.101.8:8070/listen.pls, Fri 12 Mar 2004, 14:37, archived)

well done

purile and immature

just the way we like it.

:¬)

(

mostly harmless John Leslie raped me on, Fri 12 Mar 2004, 14:40, archived)

after all that tie pin effort

it ended up in the spazz in the twinkling of an eye

bastard competitions

(t3d on FTLFM now http://83.149.101.8:8070/listen.pls, Fri 12 Mar 2004, 14:42, archived)

so did mine

ah well back to the first page

(

mostly harmless John Leslie raped me on, Fri 12 Mar 2004, 14:46, archived)

*BELM*

You really don't have a clue do you. If you want something nice for your tea just tell me and I'll tell your mum while I'm slapping to your mumma!

(

Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Fri 12 Mar 2004, 14:41, archived)

You missed out "you cunt".

You cunt.

(Zineboy, Fri 12 Mar 2004, 19:11, archived)

Ha ha ha

I love you, you genius!

(

Ijon Tichy, Fri 12 Mar 2004, 20:21, archived)

YOU FUCKING ROOT END!

FUCK OFF YOU FUCKING SHITE.

YOU FUCKING IDIOT. I HOPE YOU FUCKING DIE, YOU FUCKING COCK.

BLOODY TWUNTING FUCKTARD! SHITE TWICE AND DIE YOU HAIRY DOGS BOLLOCKS.

(King In Crimson, Fri 12 Mar 2004, 20:50, archived)

hello newsletter readers

(1, Fri 12 Mar 2004, 20:58, archived)

hello :)

(

spiny - things are looking up, Fri 12 Mar 2004, 21:09, archived)

Why... Hello

and, to think... I wouldn't have posted to this thread if not for the lovely post welcoming me. I feel so loved

(Uchidachi, Fri 12 Mar 2004, 21:16, archived)

me too!

*sigh*

('Andeh', Fri 12 Mar 2004, 21:21, archived)

hello

this made me laugh on a saturday morning!

(

5olly, Sat 13 Mar 2004, 9:54, archived)

Me too

YAY I'm in the newsletter!

(

AzToTheRescue The arsehole formally known as Az The S slur, Sat 13 Mar 2004, 14:23, archived)

so nice of you to think of us...

Guess this thread makes al the 'be fluffy' stuff seem pretty useless...

(Whoopie the slug, Fri 12 Mar 2004, 21:37, archived)

fluffiness

is reserved for people who arent cunts
and therefore abounds to those who deserve it, and is held far from thsoe who don't.

(Fantastic Mr Porter is bored, and wishes it was, Mon 15 Mar 2004, 3:36, archived)

you stupid

hymen faced zebra bastard fucker

(

Delete Me, Fri 12 Mar 2004, 23:17, archived)

your

so fucking stupid

(

SiX and his hat, Fri 12 Mar 2004, 23:38, archived)

your

so fucking stupid

(

SiX and his hat, Fri 12 Mar 2004, 23:38, archived)

what about his

so fucking stupid?

(

Reid got it going on like Donkey Kong, Sat 13 Mar 2004, 15:55, archived)

fuck off

rhinofelcher

(

MrSanity has maybe kicked the WoW habit forever, Fri 12 Mar 2004, 23:47, archived)

I hope you get cancer

I really do.

(

trashcanglam, Sat 13 Mar 2004, 0:12, archived)

You ARE a dictionary defenition of

missing the point totally.

You stupid elephant cock.

(

Black Moon Not cracked, I'm all up to be., Sat 13 Mar 2004, 0:15, archived)

all of the above seconded

and ditto'd

(

harpski, Sat 13 Mar 2004, 0:35, archived)

argh

bastard can't appreciate good clean humor...

(three hams, Sat 13 Mar 2004, 0:51, archived)

ARSEFART

BASTARD

(

Steerable_forehead Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration,don't fail me now, Sat 13 Mar 2004, 2:12, archived)

Seriously though

the zebra bit is like the best thing evar.

Therefore, your all gay.

(s0WmVHAwZgpG, Sat 13 Mar 2004, 5:44, archived)

Are you, by any chance,

from the United Spackers of America?

(

ArthurTheRat, Sat 13 Mar 2004, 11:10, archived)

WTF

back home we call this sort of post premature ejaculation (note: a medical term!).

and now bugger off you twat!

(

politico, Sat 13 Mar 2004, 12:18, archived)

you are a

bummer

(The Spelling Police, Sat 13 Mar 2004, 13:02, archived)

If the intention to ridicule and insult somebody is there,

words can be used to swear in any way you like!

So cock off, you arse-wanking-fuck-sucker!

(PsychoticSock, Sat 13 Mar 2004, 13:22, archived)

Best combination yet!

I love it!

(coweringinthecorner, Mon 15 Mar 2004, 9:24, archived)

...

"SHITE - gawd they cannot even spell SHIT correctly!"
"KANGEROO SPUNK - Cannot spell Kangaroo! And spunk is not considered swearing either!"

These ones amused me the most. Retard.

(not-colette Is that a real poncho or is that a sears poncho?, Sat 13 Mar 2004, 14:35, archived)

woo

you loser
shut up labia-face

(ianfidel, Sat 13 Mar 2004, 15:24, archived)

you've got cocks

for eyes

(

huggybear, Sat 13 Mar 2004, 17:34, archived)

More like

You've got cocks for eyes,
you;ve got cocks for eyes,
you thick bastard, you thick bastard,
you've got cocks for eyes.

inspired by some feckless half-wit and a single line answer

(SCar, Sat 13 Mar 2004, 19:01, archived)

what a twat

you total cunt pigeon...
don't you undertand the comic genius that is joel vietch?!

it's not meant to be some kind of compendium of foul language... it's just funny

you utter fuck-monger

(notjustahatrack peeling a sausage..., Sat 13 Mar 2004, 21:33, archived)

Hahahahaha,

ya daft cunt, get it right fuckin' up ye, ya spunk-fartin' cock-weasel!

(Pedro-a-Go-Go, Sun 14 Mar 2004, 2:16, archived)

Its heartwarming

to see that humanity can still unite against a common enemy

don't you think?

(

SteelPriest, Sun 14 Mar 2004, 3:24, archived)

HAHA.....

.. I was sent the Buffy Swearing Keyboard in an electric letter many moons ago, which is how I discovered B3TA. Ergo... it is a good thing.

(

Lord_Floaty Hooting gladly., Sun 14 Mar 2004, 4:11, archived)

oh zip it

hammock flange

(

NomDePlume fo shizzle my nizzle old bean, Sun 14 Mar 2004, 5:21, archived)

what a RETARD

sorry, but who is it exactly that dosn't get Joel? jeezus! You ... uh... Fuckwit?

(whoo first post)

(alomie, Sun 14 Mar 2004, 12:37, archived)

nobber.

Well it made the newsletter anyway...

(

Laughing Boy, Sun 14 Mar 2004, 15:35, archived)

ya mug

somebody utterly missed the point here, somebody who is probably a rabid buffy fan.

(kittenbot will be Scotland's greatest Ochazuke chef!, Sun 14 Mar 2004, 17:37, archived)

U ARE A MORON

(goorf, Sun 14 Mar 2004, 23:22, archived)

You Moron

You do realise that the british are NOT the only people in the world?
You do realise that the Buffy keyboard was made out of humor. Your meant to give a giggle, not piss it down.
stupid british piece of shit

(toiletduck, Sun 14 Mar 2004, 23:47, archived)

to be fair...

the people who made the keyboard were english. (at least i think joel is, we know rob is, he's a yam yam).
hence the rather excellent, and somewhat english sense of humour behind it
but i agree with you that master tang is a goit of the first order.

(Fantastic Mr Porter is bored, and wishes it was, Mon 15 Mar 2004, 2:43, archived)

Shut up, Assbutt!

(

Bob Scene, Mon 15 Mar 2004, 1:00, archived)

You muppet.

You realise now that by putting up this post you're demonstrating to EVERYONE on the planet the fact that you're a fucking idiot?

(

pxyzyzygy, Mon 15 Mar 2004, 8:57, archived)

Silly Billy

Twat?

(Gaj, Mon 15 Mar 2004, 15:53, archived)

You are sooooo gay you cunt....

You have wasted part of your life on writing some useless turd on a 'bitch' site that has just made you look like a pointless whinging little bitch with a small flacid member and you have anal secretions and omit a foul and unpleasant odour. PS I bet you are one ugly boring useless mother fucker who girls laugh at when they see and you have never had sex because you are not interesting or attractive in anyway to girls. You might as well remove your testicles weenie boy, because you will never get to use them for their designed purpose, suck wee mother fucker becuase that is what you wouold be doing anyway even if I hadn't told you too you cunt face cunt fucking loser smellface cunt...........

(somecunt, Tue 16 Mar 2004, 7:03, archived)

Literary genius...

I reckon that should be on a button on the keyboard

(Med, Tue 16 Mar 2004, 12:20, archived)

Christ, you're a smart one.

Please, for the sake of Jebus leave this place and never come back.

(BadKittyDirtyKitty, Tue 16 Mar 2004, 19:52, archived)

Who's this "Buffy", anyway?

I'm from Sweden, I don't get it.

(nadir, Wed 17 Mar 2004, 2:31, archived)

holy shit

i bet you're the kind of asshole who would fuck a guy in the ass and not even have the goddamned comman decency to give him a reach-around. do you suck dicks? bullshit i bet you could suck a golf ball through a garden hose

(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 17 Mar 2004, 16:32, archived)

You cause vaginal itching

you mushroom badgering turtle bucket

Quim!

(

Sandman-uk, Wed 17 Mar 2004, 22:31, archived)

What a buttmunch

I hate you. Oh GOD i hate you.
BuffySwear is one of the funniest things online.

(wankdisney, Thu 18 Mar 2004, 14:26, archived)

How sad it must be

To live a life without humour.

No wonder you're so angry.

(Just Some Guy from Hull, Thu 18 Mar 2004, 21:00, archived)

wtf

Tang?

you're More like a bearded clam.

(andrew748, Fri 19 Mar 2004, 0:30, archived)

You absolute

tumpsy.

(

Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Fri 19 Mar 2004, 2:28, archived)

go and stuff an elephant cock up your rectum you tit!

(

Canker, Fri 19 Mar 2004, 14:21, archived)