
bored and it amuses me...

cheque please!
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 10:53,
archived)

cheque please!

theres no real evidence for it, but it IS scientific fact
[edit] so what did you think?
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 10:53,
archived)
[edit] so what did you think?

Is there a tutorial on that somewhere?
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 10:47,
archived)

I'll write one...
1) Take a photo of your subject.
2) Wait 30 years.
3) Take another photo.
4) Post.
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 10:49,
archived)
1) Take a photo of your subject.
2) Wait 30 years.
3) Take another photo.
4) Post.

Step One - Take photograph of person.
Step Two - Wait....(about 40 years should do)
Step Three - Take photograph of person.
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 11:12,
archived)
Step Two - Wait....(about 40 years should do)
Step Three - Take photograph of person.

is it me, or
a) does she look like miranda sawyer?
b) is miranda sawyer attractive?
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 10:47,
archived)
a) does she look like miranda sawyer?
b) is miranda sawyer attractive?

done!
She should ask the photographer to put some Vaseline on the lens

( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 10:49,
archived)
She should ask the photographer to put some Vaseline on the lens


I will eat your brain and absorb your unholy skills. Until then, I will work on opening potatochop without my emac throwing a tantrum.
(Woo yay, in other words).
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 10:50,
archived)
(Woo yay, in other words).

TJ - Can I just say the MC Pitman album (It Takes A Nation Of Tossers) is a darn good one; it has soooo reawoken my love of hiphop, which had waned somewhat over the last few years (except Pop Will Eat Itself, obviously). Buy it now, and make the miserable sod happy. D'you get mih?
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 10:55,
archived)

i quite enjoyed it, but i'm very easily pleased...
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 10:58,
archived)

I'm not homophobic,
i Like the odyssey,
an the iliad,
dyou get tha?
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 10:58,
archived)
i Like the odyssey,
an the iliad,
dyou get tha?

but it's a good trick while it lasts
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 11:02,
archived)

Pitman and Her, Twat Farm Revisited and Mam Sed in particular...
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 11:08,
archived)


But I'll learn how to when i have the time.

Did you try the blue peter method of dipping her in cold tea then singeing her edges over a candle? Or is that just for treasure maps?
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 11:03,
archived)

except the girl i know is prettier.
no honestly!
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 11:18,
archived)
no honestly!

Go Svenno!

Edit:Possibly a little unsafe for work...
Edit: Possibly not...
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 10:42,
archived)

Edit:Possibly a little unsafe for work...
Edit: Possibly not...

oh, my mistake, the lad obviously has it in her!
am i the only one who thinks that its slightly nsfw?
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 10:43,
archived)
am i the only one who thinks that its slightly nsfw?

I'm saying yes to him being the only one who thinks it's not-safe-for-work.
In other words, I think it's more than safe for work.
Yes
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 10:45,
archived)
In other words, I think it's more than safe for work.
Yes

one of these chaps chrisspedding.com/session/jw/jw1.jpg
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 10:45,
archived)

or has in fact blown off and followed through with Svenno.
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 10:44,
archived)

I got that box from a site that sells boxes - it's 12" wide in real life - £695!
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 10:48,
archived)

I didn't buy it - that's how much they wanted for it.
I got the picture of the box from that site.
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 10:54,
archived)
I got the picture of the box from that site.

but her boobies are in strange positions. Is that part of her elaborate ruse?
Edit - is it animated? Then that explains it.
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 10:37,
archived)
Edit - is it animated? Then that explains it.

Jiggly Norks - always a good way to start the morning.
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 10:37,
archived)

Wimmen using their wiley ways to get ahead in business..tut tut tut!
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 10:37,
archived)

and norks
and soap
and she's washing the ceiling
*scuttles off*
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 10:40,
archived)
and soap
and she's washing the ceiling
*scuttles off*

in our office- wears trousers all year then day of her performance review, short skirt and fishnet stockings. Outrageous. But a good view.
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 10:41,
archived)

got the job buy wearing a very open top to the interview and flirting with the Directors.
But she won't have sex with me, bitch
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 10:42,
archived)
But she won't have sex with me, bitch

... my uncertainty over whether this is the stuff of b3ta.
www.chortle.co.uk/news/jan04/pc.html
Haven't the family suffered enough?
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 10:31,
archived)
www.chortle.co.uk/news/jan04/pc.html
Haven't the family suffered enough?

joking about it at his next gig
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 10:32,
archived)

fuck fuck cunt wank
i don't keep up with things around here, do i?
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 10:32,
archived)
i don't keep up with things around here, do i?

cranberry will have a different meaning for as long as i shall live
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 10:35,
archived)

was 'oh watermelon'. he had to ask if they were joking or not.
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 10:36,
archived)

for you few, who deem it unnecessary to dish out advice upon what is good taste or not.
Hello all, mediocre xmas, mediocre new year, cocking mediocre board today.
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 10:35,
archived)
Hello all, mediocre xmas, mediocre new year, cocking mediocre board today.

...wallpaper you have in your profile!
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 10:27,
archived)

well, my new Cowboy bebop DVD's have arrive. see you all later
/coat
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 10:27,
archived)
/coat

with large bosoms.
i'm assuming the bebop is the noise made by said bosom jiggling
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 10:30,
archived)
i'm assuming the bebop is the noise made by said bosom jiggling

no it isnae...
edit
its phottoshoppery-unless you mean is fairuza balk in which case refer to above.
more edit
i love fairuza balk
we will get married someday
more,more edit
She went out with David Thewliss
and i'm about as good looking as him.
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 10:33,
archived)
edit
its phottoshoppery-unless you mean is fairuza balk in which case refer to above.
more edit
i love fairuza balk
we will get married someday
more,more edit
She went out with David Thewliss
and i'm about as good looking as him.

what a huge f**king disappointment he turned out to be eh?
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 10:12,
archived)


THE DOMO!!! THE DOMO!!! THE DOMO!!! THE DOMO!!! THE DOMO!!! THE DOMO!!! THE DOMO!!! THE DOMO!!! THE DOMO!!! THE DOMO!!! THE DOMO!!! THE DOMO!!! THE DOMO!!! THE DOMO!!! THE DOMO!!! THE DOMO!!! THE DOMO!!! THE DOMO!!! THE DOMO!!! THE DOMO!!! THE DOMO!!! THE DOMO!!! THE DOMO!!! THE DOMO!!! THE DOMO!!! THE DOMO!!! THE DOMO!!! THE DOMO!!! THE DOMO!!! THE DOMO!!! THE DOMO!!! THE DOMO!!! THE DOMO!!!

TJ: I already know ASP classic from a few years back, but I have a job doing ASP.NET that starts next Monday. Please can anyone suggest a good book to get me up to speed so that I can bluff it? Thanks.
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 10:18,
archived)

I will get that or something similar. And a time machine.
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 10:25,
archived)

could be cut down into a week, they're not exactly full days anyhow.
i had to learn lotus notes from one, and it worked!
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 10:32,
archived)
i had to learn lotus notes from one, and it worked!

He made a bit of a slip when talking to the troops, by saying 'distraction' instead of 'destruction'. The cunting cunt.
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 10:20,
archived)

southern, you're all posh down there. Wrexham is where it's at.
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 10:33,
archived)

And there I was logging onto the trainline to book my ticket.....
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 10:18,
archived)


btw:its 5 am where i am. I didn't sleep. Doing fucking European History notes. God damnit! If you fuckers hadn't
had the industrial revolution, i would have slept last night...fuck
sorry, i'm just not feeling fluffy from getting 2 hours of sleep in the past two nights

from the lord of the rings/badger thingy
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 10:05,
archived)



tish
Course, it's not so funny if you're a badger or a civet cat in China...
and I really like civets as well, they're mad
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 9:36,
archived)
Course, it's not so funny if you're a badger or a civet cat in China...
and I really like civets as well, they're mad

a little naive from the others i feel if they really are spreading sars

Civets are cool, and they make great coffee
More

BTW...
And woo to pic too. I'd always wondered where The Fear's home planet was...
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 10:06,
archived)
More

BTW...
And woo to pic too. I'd always wondered where The Fear's home planet was...

or a mast cell
either way the pun is groan worthy
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 9:37,
archived)
either way the pun is groan worthy

avast ye landlubbers cell?*
*Causes YARRS
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 9:39,
archived)
*Causes YARRS

how strange
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 9:48,
archived)

Welcome to b3ta!
It's best to hang around for a while and get to know how things work or the natives will get a bit antsy.
As a rule it's best not to start new threads without a picture you've made as there are a limited amount of threads. People work very hard on making their pictures and it's annoying if your work gets pushed off the board with someone saying "hello!"
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 9:45,
archived)
It's best to hang around for a while and get to know how things work or the natives will get a bit antsy.
As a rule it's best not to start new threads without a picture you've made as there are a limited amount of threads. People work very hard on making their pictures and it's annoying if your work gets pushed off the board with someone saying "hello!"

The Bible *
* Then disregard most of what it has to say
Welcome SoapDistant...you'll never leave
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 9:48,
archived)
* Then disregard most of what it has to say
Welcome SoapDistant...you'll never leave

1) not "going troll" and being nasty when people took offence
2) deleting your threads once you realised the error of your ways.
Your next step? Graft a kitten's head onto a chicken and post it here!
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 9:49,
archived)
2) deleting your threads once you realised the error of your ways.
Your next step? Graft a kitten's head onto a chicken and post it here!

Woo to you madam.
And indeed, welcome SoapDistant. Don't be scared, just shop a kitten.
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 9:47,
archived)
And indeed, welcome SoapDistant. Don't be scared, just shop a kitten.

you may wish to cover yourself in jam before posting, i find it a lot more fun that way!
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 9:48,
archived)

the thought of me covered in jam while i type, hmmm
*pictures DB chundering at the thought*
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 9:52,
archived)
*pictures DB chundering at the thought*

like myself, do very little work towards their pictures put crank outloads of them anyway.
Moral of this story is, i'm a lazy bastard.
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 9:50,
archived)
Moral of this story is, i'm a lazy bastard.


THE FLUFFY!!!THE FLUFFY!!!THE FLUFFY!!!THE FLUFFY!!!THE FLUFFY!!!THE FLUFFY!!!THE FLUFFY!!!THE FLUFFY!!!THE FLUFFY!!!THE FLUFFY!!!THE FLUFFY!!!THE FLUFFY!!!THE FLUFFY!!
*EDIT* sorry for shitness

i didn't realise if you inverted a penguin you get a badger
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 9:35,
archived)


THE MUNT! THE MUNT! THE MUNT! THE MUNT! THE MUNT! THE MUNT! THE MUNT! THE MUNT! THE MUNT! THE MUNT! THE MUNT! THE MUNT! THE MUNT! THE MUNT!
(Repost)

you mean definite, then
...things stop making much sense.
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 9:34,
archived)
...things stop making much sense.

I hope you dont mind the thread waste.
I am after buying a graphics tablet (with light pen) for about £300. Can anyone recommend a good model and where I can buy it?
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 9:10,
archived)
I am after buying a graphics tablet (with light pen) for about £300. Can anyone recommend a good model and where I can buy it?

at the mo, it hardly matters
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 9:12,
archived)

it encourages threadwasting in general, which could lead to annoying threadwastes at busier times...
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 9:15,
archived)

"i am a fascist" tatoo on your forehead that gives it away
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 9:33,
archived)

lets me feel safely supirior better
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 9:16,
archived)

Her and Anna Ryder Richardson in a threesome with a jar of lard.
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 9:32,
archived)

....for national suicide week. My job here is done.
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 9:13,
archived)

I thought that the image of PolPot was in fact Bernard Sumner from New Order.
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 9:40,
archived)

for about 30...whoaaaah, sorry, didn't notice the extra zero there.
urm.
try harrods.
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 9:11,
archived)
urm.
try harrods.

and spend the rest down the pub.
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 9:11,
archived)

I believe that the remainder should be spent on us in the pub.
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 9:18,
archived)

this is an asky thread already...
Could anyone tell me how the hell you set up awaste of moneycomputer running Windoze XP on the infernaweb..?
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 9:13,
archived)
Could anyone tell me how the hell you set up a

...and taking the road to hetrosexuality?
EDIT:
Follow these instructions:
www.sfsu.edu/~helpdesk/docs/nnb/winxp_dialup.htm
but use your isp's details.
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 9:15,
archived)
EDIT:
Follow these instructions:
www.sfsu.edu/~helpdesk/docs/nnb/winxp_dialup.htm
but use your isp's details.

but there isn't actually anything better than a commodore 64.
the only thing that even came close was the dragon, and that faded fairly quickly.
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 9:18,
archived)
the only thing that even came close was the dragon, and that faded fairly quickly.

i might burn it, to keep the c64 happy.
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 9:45,
archived)

gotta sort out my dad's new laptop later. Considering I've never set up a Windoze machine on the web, let alone used XP before it's nice of him to expect me to do it.
Edit: Cheers mate - hoped there'd be some kind of thing like that around. Looks easy enough, but I wonder what the chances are he'll know the ISP name and phone number..?
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 9:19,
archived)
Edit: Cheers mate - hoped there'd be some kind of thing like that around. Looks easy enough, but I wonder what the chances are he'll know the ISP name and phone number..?

...it is telly-tubby windows for the hard of thinking and Mac users.
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 9:21,
archived)

85quid on there and get yourself an A4 Wacom from www.dabs.com
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 9:16,
archived)

don't mind buying other peoples rubbish. It'd be like getting a dog from a pound
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 9:26,
archived)

say Emo when your name is 3mo Kid?
Not really "after you", so much as using 2 letters from your name.
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 9:33,
archived)
Not really "after you", so much as using 2 letters from your name.

when you consider that the 3 of 3mo is supposed to be a reversed E, it makes full sense
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 9:36,
archived)

ROLFMAYO LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!1111111 one one one exclaimation mark
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 9:46,
archived)

town after me, if you change a few letters.
makeashorterlink.com/?H209328F6
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 9:44,
archived)
makeashorterlink.com/?H209328F6

incidentally janet badger is rich and doesn't know it ucbswww.bank-banque-canada.ca/scripts/detail_english.asp?claim=20005368723.htm
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 8:42,
archived)

mind you, $26,000 canadian dollars is fuck all.
edit: but i'd still have it of course. actually come to think of it i had an old spinster aunt called something like that....
what's that number again?
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 8:45,
archived)
edit: but i'd still have it of course. actually come to think of it i had an old spinster aunt called something like that....
what's that number again?

have full postal adresses... presumably out of date
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 8:49,
archived)

that would've mad finding the nazi gold so much easier
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 8:59,
archived)

to bathe in botox.... it's not the secret of eternal life
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 9:05,
archived)

that a man got pumped full of botox.
he just kind of melted.
I have fun dreams.
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 9:06,
archived)
he just kind of melted.
I have fun dreams.

when i was jo brand supporting eddie izzard in a stand up gig, and i threatened to do a stage dive.
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 9:07,
archived)

prince charles, at lords.
all my dreams are in great detail, rather vivid.
I should write them down.
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 9:08,
archived)
all my dreams are in great detail, rather vivid.
I should write them down.

chased me in a combine harvester
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 9:09,
archived)

about giant vegetables chasing me around school.
it was scary at the time.
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 9:10,
archived)
it was scary at the time.

so basic stuff, carrots and brocolli, you know, the usual suspects.
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 9:14,
archived)

of a large Cat dressed as a Cavelier horseman, he chased me down and slit my throat. I remember feeling the sensation of breathing through a painful bloodied hole in my neck...
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 9:13,
archived)

involving each member of my family dying, and the subsequences.
it ended with a dream in which i was shot.
that was very odd.
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 9:17,
archived)
it ended with a dream in which i was shot.
that was very odd.

i was actually putting a pill in my mouth as i read that.
hurrah!
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 9:21,
archived)
hurrah!

you think £11k is fuck all, please can I have your job and/or a permanent loan..?
Woo to the pic though.
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 8:53,
archived)
Woo to the pic though.

i must be getting my exchange rates mixed up.
wahey for janet badger! i wonder if she's married...
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 8:55,
archived)
wahey for janet badger! i wonder if she's married...

according to XE.com and they usually seem to get it right...
Hands off Janet though, I saw her 45th!
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 9:00,
archived)
Hands off Janet though, I saw her 45th!

technically, she's mine.
however, i'm willing to let you have this one, i'm up to here with women propositioning me.
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 9:04,
archived)
however, i'm willing to let you have this one, i'm up to here with women propositioning me.

edit: it's quite possible www.geocities.com/Heartland/Pointe/4085/html/d0000/g0000000.html

I find more than that down the back of my sofa*
* may be a lie
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 8:56,
archived)
* may be a lie

but it was annulled two days later.
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 9:03,
archived)

you're just after half of my house.
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 9:06,
archived)

There's a euphamism in there somewhere, I'm sure of it.
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 9:08,
archived)

i have seen all year.
Woo!
( ,
Tue 6 Jan 2004, 23:02,
archived)
Woo!
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