What the fucking fuck fuck....
My dinner better not be burning just because I came back just to say what the fucking fuck
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 22:58,
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If it pays taxes and doesn't forget to put its rubbish out on a Sunday night
then I'm happy for it to live here.
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 23:09,
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Very disappointing.
Not even any pickle. 20 thrashes sorted that one out.
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 21:07,
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I know your a newly wed......
But that's no excuse for taking it so easy on her.....
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 21:21,
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Hehe
Also, cheers for using Gray's face; I don't know what the other guy looks like.
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 22:38,
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I don't smoke a pipe
But it's no excuse for one not to be by my slippers.
I sense a spanking in the offing.
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 20:58,
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I sense a spanking in the offing.
Good man.
These women are getting out of hand. They'll be wanting to vote next.
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 21:07,
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I derive no pleasure from beating my wife
But she must learn not to answer back.
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 21:05,
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exactly....must get mine a soundproof burqa
at least she'll be able to read my lips when I point to the kitchen or bedroom
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 21:09,
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What!
I make sure she's always skipping around in a silky number.
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 21:16,
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I sometimes hope she will be a bit tardy or something.
Any excuse will do nicely.
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 21:09,
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imagine these Mormons with twelve wives
must take all night to give 'em all a good thrashing
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 21:12,
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RSI could be an issue there.
Only the other day my wife was being rather cantakerous but a severe thrashing soon cheered her up. They respect you for it and rather enjoy it if you ask me.
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 21:15,
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I have something amusing to add here.
I'll run it by the wife later and see if I'm allowed to post it.
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 21:22,
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Yer not one of those poofsters are ya?
Else we'll all have to come by and give you and your 'wife' a good, friendly trashing to sort you out.
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 21:33,
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I'd like to have an opinion on this
but I don't have a man to give me one.
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 22:24,
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inspired by the chat on links here: b3ta.com/links/Tylers_power_kick
and: b3ta.com/links/Andy_Moor_feat_Sue_McLaren_Fight_The_Fire_Official_Music_Video
He baits
he reels 'em in! ;)
I was tryin to think of some way of actually getting a misplaced apostrophe in there but figured this might work out too.
Hey I nearly used
but I thought some people's head's might explode!
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 19:51,
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I was tryin to think of some way of actually getting a misplaced apostrophe in there but figured this might work out too.
Hey I nearly used
but I thought some people's head's might explode!
I was gonna do 'mispelling!!1!' but photoshop just decided to freeze so fuggit
have this one I made earlier instead:
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 20:01,
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if you're having sex with a box
i'll go out on a limb and say you're doing it wrong.
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 18:34,
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my name isn't cheryl
and i've never been to a cabin in the woods
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 19:09,
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feels fine to me
apart from some chaffing and a few paper cuts.
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 19:47,
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oooooooohhhh
i'm not going to be able to hear that song without those words now!
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 19:52,
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A simple solution to: overpopulation...
...global warming, mass unemployment etc.
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 17:05,
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...global warming, mass unemployment etc.
the flaw in this plan
is that suicide is a mortal sin, so they wouldn't go to heaven anyway. believers know this, so they'd never go for it.
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 17:06,
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Tell them that the other lot said something nasty about their god
and they'll kill each other for you
sometimes they'll carry on doing it for generations
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 17:10,
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sometimes they'll carry on doing it for generations
i still think cannibalism is the answer to overpopulation and world hunger
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 17:11,
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pick a random Smash post and you'll find something about food :P
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 17:13,
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if you look at it impassively
it's the most sensible and workable solution
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 17:15,
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it's something i know a lot about
having to analyze every meal to see if it's something i can safely eat tends to focus the mind somewhat
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 17:46,
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Safely eat..thats not good.
I have the opposite problem, caring enough to bother, until I'm reminded.
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 17:50,
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it's a good thing i make great soups
speaking of which, time for me to eat. should have done it an hour ago!
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 17:56,
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i'm having scrambled egg on toast
with added spring onions right now. soup is for later.
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 18:10,
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i love cheese
but i have to eat it sparingly. the occasional cheese omelette is a nice treat
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 18:29,
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Yay.... My recipie for scambled eggs is.....
For every egg add....
Greated cheese, about as much as you would put on half a slce of bread to just cover it, the cheese must be a strong mature cheder,
One level teaspoon of ENGLISH mustard per egg,
A tiny splash of milk,
Salt and WHITE pepper,
Opptionall is to finish off with finley chopped tomateos and/or ketchup when cooked if desired
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 18:36,
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Greated cheese, about as much as you would put on half a slce of bread to just cover it, the cheese must be a strong mature cheder,
One level teaspoon of ENGLISH mustard per egg,
A tiny splash of milk,
Salt and WHITE pepper,
Opptionall is to finish off with finley chopped tomateos and/or ketchup when cooked if desired
If I were selling it to you....
I'd be giving you a money back garantee if you didn't like it...!
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 18:41,
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try this one
ciabatta, thinly sliced beefsteak tomato on top, drizzled with balsamic vinegar and topped with mozzarella, then grilled until gooey. add salt and pepper. delicious!
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 18:44,
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nature doesn't agree with it, it causes problems, like CJD
biofuel is the solution, half the population hop in to the big energy conversters, bobs your uncle.
Or probably not any more if he's one of the unlucky 50%
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 17:17,
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Or probably not any more if he's one of the unlucky 50%
yes, but i can think of at least a couple of countries who would refuse to go along with it
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 17:19,
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Who said anything about suicide?
Apres-Life will give you a smooth and sinless departure.
Check out our brochure for the options.
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 17:12,
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Check out our brochure for the options.
it's choosing to end your own life
which is pretty much the definition of suicide
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 17:14,
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Believers are experts at bending definitions...
...Apres-Life can assist them in this if needed.
Mind you: Apres-Life has never had a single complaint from any of their customers.
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 17:18,
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Mind you: Apres-Life has never had a single complaint from any of their customers.
Sol getting all emotional over that beef stew
gets me every time
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 17:29,
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I like the line.... from Heston about the cigerettes....."I'd smoke two. maybe three of these every day if i could afford them"
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 17:33,
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i thought it was three, maybe four
either way, it's a cracker of a film
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 17:36,
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Or a film of a cracker
made from high-energy plankton! Says so on the box!
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 17:39,
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Tis a classic indeed......
I'd say it is deffinitly up there in the top 10 of the films I'v seen more than any other... mainly I suppose because of how old it is and the ammount of times it has been on TV.... but also so good that if it came on tonight I would watch it again....
I can never belive it we you ask someone what they think of it... and some people have never even heard of it, never mind not seen it...
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 17:41,
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I can never belive it we you ask someone what they think of it... and some people have never even heard of it, never mind not seen it...
like my parents
i can't believe they've never seen it. it's in my top ten of classic films, along with logan's run, the adventures of robin hood, jaws and aliens.
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 17:44,
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They're all good... but I'v not seen the robin hood one....
Aliens is a great shoot em up... but I prefer the suspense of alien... think I was 15 or 16 when I read the book and went to see it at the cinama....
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 17:52,
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well, i'm not getting into the alien vs. aliens thing again
but i highly recommend the adventures of robin hood. i8t's got errol flynn, olivia de haviland and basil rathbone in it.
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 17:55,
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They're both equally good for there genre....
Just one is suspense film and the other is a shoot em up action romp...
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 18:01,
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Heston is a right tosser...
and the majority of the films he's in are crap, but this one is superb indeed.
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 17:48,
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Haha.. I would have loved to hear Barry Norman discribe him like that, back in the day.. ;-)
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 18:04,
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Besides...
Technically, it's not ending your life.
It's a mere temporary discontinuation of it, after which eternal life begins.
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 17:21,
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It's a mere temporary discontinuation of it, after which eternal life begins.
Just take up extremely extreme sports or something.
Some activity with a high accidental death rate
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 17:18,
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ohhhhh...
the bible in water colours.
not sure how robert powell feels about being featured on the website.
if the failed rapture earlier this year isn't it ment to start proper in october?
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 17:57,
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not sure how robert powell feels about being featured on the website.
if the failed rapture earlier this year isn't it ment to start proper in october?
The Rapture is towards the end of a number of prophecied events some of which have not yet fully occured
such as Israel has to expand to its biblical boundaries (including the West Bank)....and the re-building of the Temple of Soloman on the site presently occupied by the Al-Aqsa Mosque
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 18:06,
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Hmmm, removing the Al-Aqsa Mosque might be a tad controversial.
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 18:15,
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Personally I think the Israelis have already rebuilt the Temple
They built it out of sight underneath the Mosque and told the outside world that they were simply carrying out an archaelogical excavation
/dons tin-foil hat
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 18:30,
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/dons tin-foil hat
I find the whole subject scary.
Too many people with uncritical minds and a desperation for hope of some kind.
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 18:09,
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I think it was David Mitchell on QI
who said it would be good if heaven did exist and there was an afterlife, but only atheists could get in.
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 17:52,
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Is this satire?
I'm not very good at getting those. Like the pic tho'.
Is it something to do with Bush playing so much golf while in office?
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 19:25,
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Is it something to do with Bush playing so much golf while in office?
i saw that horse on the new Johnathon Ross show
she talked and talked and talked but said absolutely nothing of value or interest whatsoever
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 18:25,
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Norwich man has Where's Wally tattoo on his back:
www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2031299/What-wally-Man-scene-Wheres-Wally-tattooed-back.html
It even features the Pathetic Sharks...
:D
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 17:24,
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It even features the Pathetic Sharks...
:D
Break on through to the other side!
break on through to the other side!
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:45,
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it's the gift that keeps on giving
nothing as warming as a bag of dog eggs on a frosty morn
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:38,
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Mad maurice: The road mincer
At the risk of sounding like a cunt, you could do with applying darker blacks and whiter whites using levels to match the source contrast...
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:30,
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this is b3ta not the Tate
jokes over technique
and laziness rules, hence my baby knees this morning :D
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:37,
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and laziness rules, hence my baby knees this morning :D
Anyone for tenuous?
Made this ages ago to amuse colleagues at work. Sort of fits into the 'compromising positions' theme - albeit not of a sexual nature...
Click for bigger (163 kb)
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:55,
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Click for bigger (163 kb)
The fame of being the knitted charater got to him in the end....
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 17:10,
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That last episode where he finally snapped and smashed her head in with a garden gnome
then everyone helped him bury her under the patio and forge a new identity for himself and no-one blamed him in the slightest
...
I dreamed that, didn't I?
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:40,
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...
I dreamed that, didn't I?
If only they were Travis Bickle clones...
Then they might actually hit something
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 14:30,
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Haha, funny story
He wouldn't be able to wear his armour topless like that as the groin-piece is part of the chest etc.
Stripped to the waist, he'd have just the legs attached to a belt, with his pants showing
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 14:46,
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Stripped to the waist, he'd have just the legs attached to a belt, with his pants showing
but...
maybe instead of spending the time improvising a track for his gun from a curtain rail, he spent a while specially modifying his armoured trousers.
After all, he's quite creative. Have you thought of that?
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 14:50,
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After all, he's quite creative. Have you thought of that?
Well it's certainly possible
but a set of Stormtrooper armour fetches about £700 on eBay - a decent set like mine can cost £1000+
So it would be quite expensive to basically saw the thing in half...and even then you'd need to find something to attach the groin to...
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 14:52,
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So it would be quite expensive to basically saw the thing in half...and even then you'd need to find something to attach the groin to...
I hear what you're saying...
but Bickle's a desperate man, and might be willing to forgo the re-sale value of his armour. And source a suitable groin attachment.
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 14:55,
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Nearly done
Bored at lunch, bbc site seemed a good place to rip something topical
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 13:54,
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Bored at lunch, bbc site seemed a good place to rip something topical
they eventually sacked the local painters and got some Poles in to finish it
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 14:07,
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oh gods
that has just made me collapse at my desk - you utter swine
*clicks*
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 13:42,
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*clicks*
I like the idea of it being in the actual film
In some ways it's more frightening than an automatic rifle with grenade launcher.
Coked off his face Scarface threatens the entire Miami underworld by using his finger as a pretend willy that he waves, points and touches the other gangsters with as they run away screaming.
It's the ending Brian De Palma wanted but the studio said no.
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 13:45,
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Coked off his face Scarface threatens the entire Miami underworld by using his finger as a pretend willy that he waves, points and touches the other gangsters with as they run away screaming.
It's the ending Brian De Palma wanted but the studio said no.
i didn't even need to read the name at the bottom
i recognised the waggle.
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 13:44,
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hahaha!
"Fack orf, I'm full!"
"But Monsieur, eet ees only waffer theen!"
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 13:05,
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"But Monsieur, eet ees only waffer theen!"
Food alright? TRY THE LINE!
/quotes from completely different films blog
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Mon 5 Sep 2011, 13:24,
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