Home » Talk » Archive 14434
(Older | Newer)
Thread II: The Shittening
Hey guy's how's it going?
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 11:31,
archived)
sun's out bum's out
(
sticklebrlcks link in bio β€οΈπβ€οΈ, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 11:35,
archived)
not here it's not
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 11:52,
archived)
Way to give everyone deadly bum melanomas sticklebricks
(
Agent Pr1ck llΗΙ―s ΗΙ₯Κ sΚI ΛΗΙΙld sα΄Ι₯Κ ΗΚΙΙ₯ l, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 22:40,
archived)
Deadly Bum Melanomas are playing the Dublin Castle on Saturday
(
sticklebrlcks link in bio β€οΈπβ€οΈ, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 8:58,
archived)
just totally knackered after the weekend lol
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 26 Jul 2021, 11:44,
archived)
lol
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 11:53,
archived)
Going stir crazy in here
Snacking due to boredom and watching avengers films
(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 11:46,
archived)
how much longer do you have to stay home?
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 11:54,
archived)
Only till Thursday
That is, assuming I test negative Thursday morning
(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 12:56,
archived)
nearly there
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 13:27,
archived)
Told quite a few people that I'm stuck in till the 5th
Bc I don't want to see them
(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 14:25,
archived)
heh
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 14:26,
archived)
I think you mean 'crazier'
(
Agent Pr1ck llΗΙ―s ΗΙ₯Κ sΚI ΛΗΙΙld sα΄Ι₯Κ ΗΚΙΙ₯ l, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 22:38,
archived)
All good
(
mongychops, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 12:09,
archived)
nice one
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 12:18,
archived)
What, everything?
(
Agent Pr1ck llΗΙ―s ΗΙ₯Κ sΚI ΛΗΙΙld sα΄Ι₯Κ ΗΚΙΙ₯ l, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 22:37,
archived)
I used to nip at the heels and bay at the moon, now I sit and stay like the good dogs do
(
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 14:11,
archived)
no you never m8 dunt lie
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 14:30,
archived)
I fuckin well did you can ask my m8
(
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 19:22,
archived)
High queef, watched a film called Jolt last night, not sure if it was enjoyably shit or just shit, one of them
(
broadsword now that's fresh, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 14:23,
archived)
Any tit in it?
(
mongychops, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 14:27,
archived)
Nah just the one out of shooting fish with weird new fake pouty lips
(
broadsword now that's fresh, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 14:36,
archived)
Shooting fish is a great film
(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 15:49,
archived)
not heard of that one tbh
just looked it up, looks like it could be amusing. I watched 'Criminal' the other day - I can't believe the cast they got for such a heap of wank. Someone must have been owed some massive favours.
'CIA agent Bill Pope is on a mission to save a hacker from a dreaded criminal. However, when the agent is mysteriously killed, his memories are grafted into Jerico Stewart, an ex-convict'
It's even shitter than it sounds like it would be
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 14:29,
archived)
wow, that does sound stupid
(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 14:36,
archived)
Tommy Lee Jones, Gary Oldman, Kevin Costner, Gal Gadot, Ryan Reynolds....
I suspect money laundering or a tax write off
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 14:43,
archived)
ah, good old 'film investment schemes'
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 26 Jul 2021, 15:25,
archived)
aka a 'Gary Barlow special'
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 15:27,
archived)
I saw one once where the chap's earned income was 10 mill, with a 4 mil income tax liabilty
So he wrote out a cheque for 2 million to enter the scheme, received a tax rebate of 4 million, and so was treated for tax purposes as if he'd earned 50 grand in the tax year rather than 10 million.
Nice work if you can get it eh.
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 26 Jul 2021, 15:36,
archived)
That smells of cow plops to me
(
broadsword now that's fresh, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 15:42,
archived)
dozer's breath, you mean
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 15:45,
archived)
nah m8, 100% on the level
Those schemes were legit at the time (though engineered specifically to egregiously avoid tax), but HMRC clamped down hard on them subsequently.
I could go into detail about how the schemes actually worked but even I find it deathly boring.
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 26 Jul 2021, 15:55,
archived)
surely that was only ever legal because someone forgot to make it illegal
(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 15:57,
archived)
it was the 'film partnership' schemes
you'd 'borrow' 97% of your participation from the scheme provider, write a cheque for the 3%, then it would just so happen that 40% of your total investment (including the borrowed bit, which was interest only) would equal your income tax bill. To pay the interest on the 'loan' bit you just assigned your partnership income from the film to the lender.
Then, before the 15 year (iirc) tax relived period was up you'd pay a firm a relatively small sum to buy your partnership investment from you, at which point your deferred tax bill essentially vanished (it would be based on the huge sum funded by the loan).
HMRC then slapped huge tax bills on people based on total participation amount rather than the amount of the cheque written when they decided the schemes were not intended to finance films after all.
I TOLD YOU IT WAS BORING.
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 26 Jul 2021, 16:05,
archived)
dodgy tax dodge is dodgy
(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 16:14,
archived)
yeah, it was morally reprehensible
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 26 Jul 2021, 16:16,
archived)
pretty lol though when one client complained and said they hadn't understood what they were buying into.
Her day job was a tax lawyer, designing these exact schemes.
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 26 Jul 2021, 16:18,
archived)
ok that is lol
(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 16:26,
archived)
Someone watched legally blonde one too many times
(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 17:34,
archived)
she was just lying; she'd only made a personal contribution of 20 grand to get a 40 grand rebate, and was being hit with a tax demand many multiples of that.
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 26 Jul 2021, 17:56,
archived)
Yup that sounds pretty plop.
Jolt didn't take itself too seriously but about 1/3 of the film was clearly setting up Jolt 2 - Jolty Boogaloo
(
broadsword now that's fresh, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 14:42,
archived)
If that's that film about that shitting dog it can fuck right off
Dogs are shit and for cunts
(
Agent Pr1ck llΗΙ―s ΗΙ₯Κ sΚI ΛΗΙΙld sα΄Ι₯Κ ΗΚΙΙ₯ l, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 22:37,
archived)
Do elephants next
(
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Tue 27 Jul 2021, 4:12,
archived)
I saw a big rainbow as I was driving home.
Bit gay really
(
Agent Pr1ck llΗΙ―s ΗΙ₯Κ sΚI ΛΗΙΙld sα΄Ι₯Κ ΗΚΙΙ₯ l, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 22:36,
archived)
morning
another scorcher here
Scorchio! Haha, 'The Fast Show'!!!!
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 26 Jul 2021, 7:45,
archived)
b3ta.com/talk/8307630
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 8:18,
archived)
bit rude MATE
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 26 Jul 2021, 8:24,
archived)
nym
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 8:25,
archived)
never you mind?
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 26 Jul 2021, 10:38,
archived)
Morning Arse
(
Cheers Cheers, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 8:49,
archived)
cheers
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 26 Jul 2021, 9:01,
archived)
Morning
Considerably cooler today, much more comfortable
(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 8:56,
archived)
still fackin lovely over this way
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 26 Jul 2021, 9:01,
archived)
Not allowed out till Thursday
When, according to my weather app, it's going to be pissing down
(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 9:42,
archived)
Penis
(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 26 Jul 2021, 9:08,
archived)
(
Runcorn shitty limits, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 9:11,
archived)
I ate too much for breakfast and now I feel sick
morning
(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 9:22,
archived)
morning
internet friends
(
Woodkovsky βΉοΈβπ»βπ½βπ£βπ©βπ§»βπ, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 9:35,
archived)
friends penis
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 9:43,
archived)
morning arseboon
(
broadsword now that's fresh, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 9:46,
archived)
morning
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 26 Jul 2021, 9:49,
archived)
I am a crossposting whore.
b3ta.com/board/11348214
(
Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sun 25 Jul 2021, 21:39,
archived)
Yes. Yes you are.
Also, that's funny
(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 22:00,
archived)
Thanks!
(
Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sun 25 Jul 2021, 22:15,
archived)
Penis
(
mr horrible up yours, dickface, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 22:04,
archived)
arseboon dilbaro
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Sun 25 Jul 2021, 22:12,
archived)
Cripes, it's wazzing it rudebwai style here
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 15:14,
archived)
Not started here yet, but it's looming
(
mongychops, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 15:56,
archived)
jesus my street is like a fucking river
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 16:24,
archived)
street anus
(
Cheers Cheers, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 17:35,
archived)
Looks like sarf east lahdahn missed it
(
mongychops, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 17:55,
archived)
beautiful sunny day here m8 lol
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Sun 25 Jul 2021, 16:02,
archived)
Dry as a bone here
Doubt we'll have rain until tomorrow
(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 16:29,
archived)
Humid and hot here
(
Cheers Cheers, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 17:35,
archived)
in my kecks, I mean
(
Cheers Cheers, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 18:56,
archived)
Perfect conditions for mildew
(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 19:33,
archived)
I don’t believe it!
(
Cheers Cheers, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 19:36,
archived)
I don't believe that I haven't smoked for 3 weeks
And I'm not even tempted. So pleased with myself
(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 21:26,
archived)
Nice. Keep it up :)
(
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 1:39,
archived)
having a bbq here in the glorious north m8
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Sun 25 Jul 2021, 18:11,
archived)
fuck
this noise
(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 22:05,
archived)
I’m genuinely shocked, I had no idea about this. Stratford, fucking hell, I lived around that way for years.
(
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 1:38,
archived)
about 10 minutes before it started, my wife was scoffing about how they'd forecast thunderstorms and all we'd seen was a touch of light rain
next thing we know the kerb was completely submerged and the water was up to our front gate, mental
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Mon 26 Jul 2021, 8:25,
archived)
Haha, Alan Partridge quotes are a great substitute for wit aren't they?
I hope some more get posted today, that would be really great.
Cool and grey here today, just like my skiddy pants. Leg of lamb for lunch, might go pub while it cooks. U?
tl;dr morning
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 8:37,
archived)
I love the story about Courtney Love's bandmates bullying her by going "BACK OF THE NET!!!"
after they found out she'd shagged Steve Coogan.
(
Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sun 25 Jul 2021, 10:07,
archived)
In off the red!
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Sun 25 Jul 2021, 10:46,
archived)
my old housemate used to work with his brother
no love lost between them, which led to some good anecdotes being shared
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 12:19,
archived)
apparently when he got his first taste of success he lived out his fantasy of shagging a woman on a bed covered in money
Five pound notes lol
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 12:26,
archived)
that's an incredibly Alan Partridge thing to do
(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 14:40,
archived)
It’s TOO Alan Partridge. Maybe his writers crafted that just to tell his brother.
(
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 14:58,
archived)
I find him tedious
(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 10:15,
archived)
BPD you mean
(
sticklebrlcks link in bio β€οΈπβ€οΈ, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 10:20,
archived)
ha yeah, it's like sharing a board with Colin Hunt off The Fast Show
today it's all fo' shizzle mah drizzle out there
(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 10:25,
archived)
Colin Hunt's office trolley!
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Sun 25 Jul 2021, 10:44,
archived)
Alan Partridge in a pear tree
*sing*
(
Woodkovsky βΉοΈβπ»βπ½βπ£βπ©βπ§»βπ, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 10:45,
archived)
High queef, a lot of people don't realise today is splattershit sunday, imma celebrate by staying near my toilet & unleashing biblical fury
(
broadsword now that's fresh, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 10:51,
archived)
I did a weird pale shit earlier
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 12:17,
archived)
Your weird anaemic jobby may be a sign of the bad aids
(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 12:48,
archived)
fingers crossed!
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 12:54,
archived)
That’s very pessimistic. It might equally be the good aids.
(
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 14:54,
archived)
Interesting, are you a dog in the 70's?
(
broadsword now that's fresh, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 13:08,
archived)
y
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 13:41,
archived)
Morning
Its 22 degrees here and heading for 26 - and thats not good for an old goth - thankfully the cooler weather is on the way but it hit 31 something the other day which was rather hot for ye old sod of Ireland. Most especially as there were warnings in place for gingers in case they spontaneously combusted. And if local stereotypes are to be believed that's half the country. Begorragh. 'tis a warm one to be sure to be sure.
question - what local stereotype are you?
(
TBL I posted this on, Sat 24 Jul 2021, 11:30,
archived)
I just don't think anecdotes are your forte.
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Sat 24 Jul 2021, 11:33,
archived)
You ain't long enough here to know what an anecdote is in these parts pardner.
So run along and play with the traffic and leave us old timers alone with the wacky lols
(
TBL I posted this on, Sat 24 Jul 2021, 13:47,
archived)
Right, I'll tell you an anecdote! In 1975 I was catching the London train from Crewe station. It was very crowded, I found myself in a last-minute rush for the one remaining seat with a tall, good-looking man with collar-length hair, it was the seventies - buckaroo! When I sat down on the chair, I looked up and realised it was none other than Peter Purves! It was at the height of his Blue Peter fame! He said "You jammy bastard!" and quick as a flash, I replied, "Don't be blue, Peter!" Needless to say, I had the last laugh, now fuck off!
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Sat 24 Jul 2021, 14:06,
archived)
FP THIS NOW!1
(
Cheers Cheers, Sat 24 Jul 2021, 14:31,
archived)
P THIS UCK OFF
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Sat 24 Jul 2021, 16:29,
archived)
b3ta.com/talk/8307441
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Sat 24 Jul 2021, 16:23,
archived)
I’m not sure how quick a flash is, so the point of your anecdote was lost on me.
(
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Sat 24 Jul 2021, 17:16,
archived)
Me as well.
Mostly as I was not actually writing an anecdote but at least I got a "fuck off" out of it so mission accomplished.
(
TBL I posted this on, Sat 24 Jul 2021, 21:35,
archived)
You had realistic expectations, that’s a good start.
(
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 14:57,
archived)
What's the stereotype for Surrey?
(
Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Sat 24 Jul 2021, 12:46,
archived)
Stockbrokers and golf cunts, I guess.
(
Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sat 24 Jul 2021, 12:54,
archived)
Stockbrokers and golf
(
Cheers Cheers, Sat 24 Jul 2021, 13:57,
archived)
If that's the rule then I'm definitely a stereotypical Surreyite.
(
Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Sat 24 Jul 2021, 14:04,
archived)
in a way, we all are
(
Cheers Cheers, Sat 24 Jul 2021, 14:07,
archived)
Cheers.
(
Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Sat 24 Jul 2021, 14:26,
archived)
A flat cap northerner
*something about whippets*
(
Cheers Cheers, Sat 24 Jul 2021, 13:55,
archived)
oh god, don't get garold started again, he'll have a stroke
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Sat 24 Jul 2021, 14:16,
archived)
He’s been to the north? Funny, I thought he’d have mentioned it
(
Cheers Cheers, Sat 24 Jul 2021, 14:23,
archived)
looking down on his poor friends and treating them with a visit
The man's a humanitarian and no mistake!
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Sat 24 Jul 2021, 15:08,
archived)
I honestly don't get what all the fuss over nitrous oxide is about.
(
Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sat 24 Jul 2021, 14:28,
archived)
It’s because we do have a right laugh here
(
Cheers Cheers, Sat 24 Jul 2021, 14:28,
archived)
same, bro
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Sat 24 Jul 2021, 16:24,
archived)
Out of silly stuff to inhale while E'd off one's tits,
I'd much rather do poppers.
(
Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sat 24 Jul 2021, 19:53,
archived)
^ likes it up the bum-bum from other gay spazzes
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Sat 24 Jul 2021, 20:23,
archived)
Don't we all?
(
Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sat 24 Jul 2021, 21:54,
archived)
Well not only does it work pretty well as a propellant for the cream but it also acts as a preservative.
(
Agent Pr1ck llΗΙ―s ΗΙ₯Κ sΚI ΛΗΙΙld sα΄Ι₯Κ ΗΚΙΙ₯ l, Sat 24 Jul 2021, 16:36,
archived)
You'll notice I said "fuss", rather than "legitimate industrial applications".
(
Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sat 24 Jul 2021, 22:11,
archived)
Oh, that's not what everyone finds so exciting about it then?
(
Agent Pr1ck llΗΙ―s ΗΙ₯Κ sΚI ΛΗΙΙld sα΄Ι₯Κ ΗΚΙΙ₯ l, Sat 24 Jul 2021, 23:21,
archived)
A doctor in Gloucester.
I stepped in a puddle right up to my penus.
The puddle was half an inch deep.
(
Agent Pr1ck llΗΙ―s ΗΙ₯Κ sΚI ΛΗΙΙld sα΄Ι₯Κ ΗΚΙΙ₯ l, Sat 24 Jul 2021, 16:27,
archived)
Your legs and feet combined are only half an inch high?
(
Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Sun 25 Jul 2021, 0:58,
archived)
your mother munched on thalidomide like smarties
(
sticklebrlcks link in bio β€οΈπβ€οΈ, Sun 25 Jul 2021, 10:22,
archived)
I am the dictionary definition of an East London hipster wanker :(
So much so that I look down on East London hipster wankers because I liked the things they do before they did :(((((
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Sat 24 Jul 2021, 16:28,
archived)
Got the man-bun and everything. :(((
(
Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sat 24 Jul 2021, 22:12,
archived)
My personal local stereotype is: immigrant
(
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Sat 24 Jul 2021, 17:14,
archived)
Unspecified klaxon!
(
Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Sun 25 Jul 2021, 0:59,
archived)
31C is 87F, that’s a nice warm day here. 35+ is hot.
(
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Sat 24 Jul 2021, 18:56,
archived)
In Ireland anything over 20 degrees is news
(
TBL I posted this on, Sat 24 Jul 2021, 21:37,
archived)
I dig stockbroking and golf
(
broadsword now that's fresh, Sat 24 Jul 2021, 23:00,
archived)
THE GUNTWANK CHRONICLES
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Sun 25 Jul 2021, 0:22,
archived)
Mono's bumhole
(
mr horrible up yours, dickface, Sat 24 Jul 2021, 11:04,
archived)
Ah, that takes me back
(
Two Hats π©π©, Sat 24 Jul 2021, 11:05,
archived)
Alright Hatters!
How's the lawn?
(
mr horrible up yours, dickface, Sat 24 Jul 2021, 11:05,
archived)
well-fertilised
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Sat 24 Jul 2021, 16:31,
archived)
alright mr h
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Sat 24 Jul 2021, 11:07,
archived)
Cracking name there
This deserves to go on the popular page.
(
mr horrible up yours, dickface, Sat 24 Jul 2021, 11:09,
archived)
fuck a horse
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Sat 24 Jul 2021, 16:31,
archived)
rainy morning
glad I busted out the grill last night, no chance today
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Sat 24 Jul 2021, 8:29,
archived)
alright
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Sat 24 Jul 2021, 8:36,
archived)
bit hungover but not too bad
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Sat 24 Jul 2021, 8:40,
archived)
No rain here yet
But it's much cooler and way more comfortable
(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Sat 24 Jul 2021, 9:06,
archived)
easier to sleep at night for sure
hey my mrs applied for a job yesterday, this is a big milestone even if she doesn't get it. If she does get it though we'll be laughing, £££ role at the stock exchange
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Sat 24 Jul 2021, 9:37,
archived)
That's great!
She deserves a bit of good luck
(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Sat 24 Jul 2021, 9:45,
archived)
Alright.
Just had the surveyor's report. Lots of problems including asbestos, lead pipe water supply, tree roots blocking the waste drainage, woodworm, inadequate damp proofing, leaking roof. Β£50 to 100k to fix and would have to live with the mother in law while it was being done. Wondering whether to insist on a 70k reduction in the price or just pull out.
(
Agent Pr1ck llΗΙ―s ΗΙ₯Κ sΚI ΛΗΙΙld sα΄Ι₯Κ ΗΚΙΙ₯ l, Sat 24 Jul 2021, 9:13,
archived)
Depends on how much you want to live there
That's a lot of stuff to fix and there's no guarantee that other problems won't come to light while the repairs are being done. Do you want to risk it?
(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Sat 24 Jul 2021, 9:22,
archived)
We paid for a pretty detailed survey, I think all the potential major stuff is covered.
(
Agent Pr1ck llΗΙ―s ΗΙ₯Κ sΚI ΛΗΙΙld sα΄Ι₯Κ ΗΚΙΙ₯ l, Sat 24 Jul 2021, 11:11,
archived)
...and the neighbourhood is like a demilitarized zone.
This building should be condemned.
(
Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sat 24 Jul 2021, 9:29,
archived)
does this thing work?
we should stay here tonight!
(
sticklebrlcks link in bio β€οΈπβ€οΈ, Sat 24 Jul 2021, 10:51,
archived)
Calm down, Ray
(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Sat 24 Jul 2021, 11:08,
archived)
You gotta try this pole!
I'm gonna get my stuff.
(
Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sat 24 Jul 2021, 12:55,
archived)
walk away m8
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Sat 24 Jul 2021, 9:32,
archived)
I'm thinking that.
But then I'll have to put up with our fucking awful neighbours until we can find somewhere else and new stuff doesn't seem to be coming on.
(
Agent Pr1ck llΗΙ―s ΗΙ₯Κ sΚI ΛΗΙΙld sα΄Ι₯Κ ΗΚΙΙ₯ l, Sat 24 Jul 2021, 11:12,
archived)
Property is always coming up for sale. Hang in there.
(
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Sat 24 Jul 2021, 20:13,
archived)
Wank on its tits
(
broadsword now that's fresh, Sat 24 Jul 2021, 10:37,
archived)
fuck all that bollocks
(
sticklebrlcks link in bio β€οΈπβ€οΈ, Sat 24 Jul 2021, 10:51,
archived)
Afternoon, wanker's
Weekend is just a few hours away, teh houpla etc.
The Denmark Arms has reopened at long last (remained shut for the whole of lockdown) so I'll pop down there after work for a couple of pints. I thought it was forecast to be wazzing it all weekend but now the BBC don't give it more than 30% chance of rain so who fucking knows. How bow u lol
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Fri 23 Jul 2021, 12:15,
archived)
Trying to find someone to go to the shop for me
Running out of a few things and I can't go myself
(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Fri 23 Jul 2021, 12:19,
archived)
Got a coop nearby? They deliver
(
mongychops, Fri 23 Jul 2021, 12:23,
archived)
No, nowhere near
Plus, I have a key for the electricity, so someone needs to pick it up
(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Fri 23 Jul 2021, 12:31,
archived)
Sorted
My nephew is coming after lunch
(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Fri 23 Jul 2021, 12:43,
archived)
Says thunderstorms all afternoon on Google, my lads broke his wrist, so that's him in plaster for the entire holidays, the nob
(
mongychops, Fri 23 Jul 2021, 12:22,
archived)
he seems very accident prone
BBC weather saying no more that 5% chance of rain today - these cunts just make it up I reckon
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Fri 23 Jul 2021, 13:01,
archived)
Nah he's alright, it's my brothers boy who is constantly in plaster
(
mongychops, Fri 23 Jul 2021, 13:02,
archived)
ah
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Fri 23 Jul 2021, 13:10,
archived)
hi, knobwank
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 23 Jul 2021, 12:36,
archived)
no need
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Fri 23 Jul 2021, 13:02,
archived)
family friendly forum, my apologies mate
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 23 Jul 2021, 13:04,
archived)
Got an all dayer in Richmond tomorrow, other than that might do some proper big plops & widdles
(
broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 23 Jul 2021, 13:24,
archived)
Oh, and finger a fennec fox obvs
(
broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 23 Jul 2021, 13:26,
archived)
of course
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Fri 23 Jul 2021, 13:49,
archived)
d g
(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Fri 23 Jul 2021, 13:46,
archived)
some nice pubs in Richmond, but marred a little by the red trouser/popped collar polo shit rugger types
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Fri 23 Jul 2021, 13:50,
archived)
RIP nakedape
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 23 Jul 2021, 13:56,
archived)
polo shit lol
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 23 Jul 2021, 13:56,
archived)
not necessarily even a typo
(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Fri 23 Jul 2021, 14:08,
archived)
I didn't think it was a typo oh hahaha
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 23 Jul 2021, 14:17,
archived)
going on the beers tonight with some friends I haven't seen since before lockdown
probably sit out in de gaaaaaarden with a book if the weather holds
(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Fri 23 Jul 2021, 13:46,
archived)
I've been brining a chicken* all day, going to spatchcock it and get it on the grill when I get back from the pub
*defo a euphemism
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Fri 23 Jul 2021, 14:20,
archived)
lol spatchcock
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 23 Jul 2021, 14:20,
archived)
cock lol
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Fri 23 Jul 2021, 14:22,
archived)
you're right, it is pretty lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 23 Jul 2021, 14:24,
archived)
lol cock
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Fri 23 Jul 2021, 14:22,
archived)
it's the man with the beer can cock
(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Fri 23 Jul 2021, 14:25,
archived)
'stubby' lol
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Fri 23 Jul 2021, 14:27,
archived)
lol
(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Fri 23 Jul 2021, 14:28,
archived)
GOLD-FINGAH!
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 23 Jul 2021, 21:30,
archived)
fucking hell it's slow on here, I blame dribble for fucking off
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 23 Jul 2021, 15:54,
archived)
I blame you
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Fri 23 Jul 2021, 17:09,
archived)
Same
(
mongychops, Fri 23 Jul 2021, 18:04,
archived)
I'm keeping it going with my witty bon mots m8
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 23 Jul 2021, 18:24,
archived)
lol BBC
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 23 Jul 2021, 16:19,
archived)
hi
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 23 Jul 2021, 7:43,
archived)
morning yeah friday whallop
(
broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 23 Jul 2021, 7:49,
archived)
WASSUP!
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 23 Jul 2021, 8:19,
archived)
haha, not yet but I will be later!!!!
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Fri 23 Jul 2021, 8:21,
archived)
Vintage mcbeef humorism!
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 23 Jul 2021, 8:28,
archived)
sex:
"yes please!!!"
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Fri 23 Jul 2021, 8:40,
archived)
haha you don't have to be mad to post here
but it helps!!
(
broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 23 Jul 2021, 9:10,
archived)
I'd forget my head
if it wasn't screwed on!!
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Fri 23 Jul 2021, 9:35,
archived)
6/7 whale penis
www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-57929261
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Fri 23 Jul 2021, 8:43,
archived)
4/7, porpoise penis
(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Fri 23 Jul 2021, 8:52,
archived)
5/7 DYAAKY
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 23 Jul 2021, 9:04,
archived)
1/7 stinky penis
(
broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 23 Jul 2021, 9:12,
archived)
0/7 micro-penus
(
Cheers Cheers, Fri 23 Jul 2021, 11:28,
archived)
2/7 paenus envy
(
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Fri 23 Jul 2021, 12:08,
archived)
-3/7
IMPOSSIBRU!
(
Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Fri 23 Jul 2021, 13:16,
archived)
alright
(
mongychops, Fri 23 Jul 2021, 9:57,
archived)
alright
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 23 Jul 2021, 10:01,
archived)
Hi there you sorry bunch of helmit's
I've been bitten to shit by mosquitoes and it's really rather irritating.
What else is really rather irritating?
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Thu 22 Jul 2021, 11:14,
archived)
you seen that footage from Russia?
literally millions of the bastards, swarming so much they're blotting out the sun
(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Thu 22 Jul 2021, 11:16,
archived)
ugh, no I haven't
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Thu 22 Jul 2021, 11:20,
archived)
it's mad
youtu.be/gMuButLwpXc
(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Thu 22 Jul 2021, 11:27,
archived)
that's fucking horrible
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Thu 22 Jul 2021, 11:55,
archived)
b3ta, you mean
(
Woodkovsky βΉοΈβπ»βπ½βπ£βπ©βπ§»βπ, Thu 22 Jul 2021, 12:47,
archived)
y
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Thu 22 Jul 2021, 13:37,
archived)
b3ta.com/talk/8307428
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 22 Jul 2021, 11:22,
archived)
b3ta.com/talk/8307436
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Thu 22 Jul 2021, 11:23,
archived)
Me too, actually
They don't normally bother me, but I've got loads of bites this year
(
Two Hats π©π©, Thu 22 Jul 2021, 11:34,
archived)
I've got whopper on one of my calves, it's itchy 'af'
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Thu 22 Jul 2021, 11:53,
archived)
I bet it is, you dirty old bollocks
(
Two Hats π©π©, Thu 22 Jul 2021, 12:31,
archived)
yeah, my willy hangs down to my calves too lol
(
The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Thu 22 Jul 2021, 13:16,
archived)
You fuck juvenile cows?
(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Thu 22 Jul 2021, 13:27,
archived)
Only when he’s in the mooooood
(
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Thu 22 Jul 2021, 18:00,
archived)
something about feeling horny
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Thu 22 Jul 2021, 18:27,
archived)
This is udderly disgusting.
(
Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Thu 22 Jul 2021, 18:54,
archived)
But it veals so good.
(
Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Thu 22 Jul 2021, 19:25,
archived)
I am.
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 22 Jul 2021, 11:48,
archived)
Being stuck indoors with swollen legs and no fan
Also that Airbnb ad on the radio
(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Thu 22 Jul 2021, 12:07,
archived)
god I've not listened to the radio in years
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Thu 22 Jul 2021, 12:16,
archived)
My mum listens to smooth fm
That stupid ad is always on it. That's why I wear headphones when I'm there
(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Thu 22 Jul 2021, 12:36,
archived)
3pm fire evacuation, I'm normally in the pub by then
(
mongychops, Thu 22 Jul 2021, 13:00,
archived)
fire bowel
(
Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Thu 22 Jul 2021, 15:29,
archived)
pub bath
(
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Thu 22 Jul 2021, 18:01,
archived)
heh
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Thu 22 Jul 2021, 18:27,
archived)
'Levelling up'
Level up my sweaty bumhole
(
broadsword now that's fresh, Thu 22 Jul 2021, 13:07,
archived)
will do m8
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Thu 22 Jul 2021, 13:43,
archived)
Level The willies of other gay spazzes
(
Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Thu 22 Jul 2021, 18:57,
archived)
Arseboon Dilbaro
(
broadsword now that's fresh, Thu 22 Jul 2021, 13:41,
archived)
no real names plz
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Thu 22 Jul 2021, 13:43,
archived)
speaking, how may I help you?
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 22 Jul 2021, 13:47,
archived)
morning
gorgeous morning today in wealthy north yorkshire
hbu lol
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 22 Jul 2021, 7:50,
archived)
Morning
Just been screamed at by a neighbour for putting my bin out. Apparently, I'm not allowed to do this as it's breaking the law due to me isolating.
(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Thu 22 Jul 2021, 8:45,
archived)
The last year and a half has really brought out the best in people.
(
Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Thu 22 Jul 2021, 8:54,
archived)
exactly what I've been thinking lately
this pandemic has destroyed more of my faith in humanity than anything else in my lifetime, and it was already reeling in the wake of Brexit
(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Thu 22 Jul 2021, 8:58,
archived)
Oh, she was always a cunt
(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Thu 22 Jul 2021, 9:07,
archived)
these days, if you put your bins out you get arrested and thrown in jail
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 22 Jul 2021, 8:55,
archived)
*BRB KLAXON*
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 22 Jul 2021, 8:55,
archived)
OK, that one was actually justified.
(
Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Thu 22 Jul 2021, 9:34,
archived)
We can't use the klaxon any more as that's bullying someone for their sincerely held beliefs.
(
Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Thu 22 Jul 2021, 10:39,
archived)
It's like people who say 'klaxon' when they mean 'air horn'. 'Klaxon' is a brand name.
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 22 Jul 2021, 10:45,
archived)
of course it should be 'KKKlaxon' really
(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Thu 22 Jul 2021, 10:46,
archived)
(
Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Thu 22 Jul 2021, 10:46,
archived)
apropos, achieving surround sound
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 22 Jul 2021, 10:52,
archived)
zzzzzzzz
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Thu 22 Jul 2021, 11:00,
archived)
You'll never take me alive, copper
(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Thu 22 Jul 2021, 9:37,
archived)
What happens if you stay about from them?
(
Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Thu 22 Jul 2021, 10:33,
archived)
then you get threatened by mabazaritchie
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 22 Jul 2021, 10:34,
archived)
you do know that you only have to isolate if you are phoned or texted by Track & Trace?
If you're just pinged then it's at your own discretion.
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 22 Jul 2021, 9:17,
archived)
#deletetheapp
#cheers
(
Cheers Cheers, Thu 22 Jul 2021, 9:23,
archived)
My niece has it
And she lives with me
(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Thu 22 Jul 2021, 9:35,
archived)
morning
one of my 23 year-old colleagues who was on the night out on Saturday spent last night in A&E with a suspected stomach ulcer. Lightweight.
(
The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Thu 22 Jul 2021, 9:11,
archived)
kids these days eh
ffs
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Thu 22 Jul 2021, 10:13,
archived)
morning
It is equally sunny in my economically-viable county of residence
(
Cheers Cheers, Thu 22 Jul 2021, 9:25,
archived)
Morning posse, yeah pretty warm in leafy surrey
(
broadsword now that's fresh, Thu 22 Jul 2021, 9:33,
archived)
I'm glad I've left England
25 years of living there and constantly being reminded I didn't belong there.
Anyone who says England isn't racist or is much better than it was in the 70s and 80s must be English and never been on the receiving end.
(
Lord Gnome, Thu 22 Jul 2021, 11:28,
archived)
I've lived here for 20 years and I'm still amazed at the ingrained sense of superiority that they have, in spite of there being nothing to evidence it.
No wonder Scotland want to separate themselves. I also reckon that a reunified Ireland might happen in the next decade or so, partitioning never works and if the Brexit shit continues there could easily be a resumption of the Troubles.
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 22 Jul 2021, 11:38,
archived)
You've hit upon an accidental truth there.
The 45% who supported independence (in 2014) certainly do think of themselves as Scotland, in its entirety. And if you reckon they don't have an equally misguided ingrained sense of superiority, you've been out of Scotland for too long.
(
The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Thu 22 Jul 2021, 11:49,
archived)
I read that BoJo is considering giving non-resident Scots the right to vote in an IndyRef2, in the hope that they'll vote No, because living in England/Wales/NI obvs means they truly value the Union.
I'm not so sure he won't end up with egg on his face if he follows through on that.
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 22 Jul 2021, 12:00,
archived)
lol follows through
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 22 Jul 2021, 12:00,
archived)
none of your fucking business
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Thu 22 Jul 2021, 10:21,
archived)
good afternoon, knobber's
having a good day? I'm just sat here sweating my tits off in my loft, waiting for a fackin zoom-o with the warehouse and dreading an update about the plumbing in my flat. Now the bog's started leaking too ffs
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 13:44,
archived)
you could say that your bog is
taking a leak!!!!
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 21 Jul 2021, 13:46,
archived)
I could say a lot of things but you wouldn't like most of them
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 13:50,
archived)
'Hi, I'm Queef Richard's, you know, off the internet, and I'm going to post on b3ta!'
You mean things like that?
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 21 Jul 2021, 14:06,
archived)
I was going to post something
but I think I'll just grab some popcorn and listen to you two argue again
(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 14:14,
archived)
We do have a right argument here don’t we
(
Cheers Cheers, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 14:26,
archived)
no we don't
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 21 Jul 2021, 14:28,
archived)
He’s behind you!
(
Cheers Cheers, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 14:29,
archived)
ah, that's where garidead is!
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 21 Jul 2021, 14:33,
archived)
shut up m8
(
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 19:57,
archived)
If I see another "Your teammates are trying to reach you in Microsoft Teams" email
imma stab a bitch
(
Cheers Cheers, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 14:29,
archived)
Just had to send something to Fudstone Drive
/almost funny streetname corner
(
The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 14:43,
archived)
you're a fuckin fud mate
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 21 Jul 2021, 14:45,
archived)
Aye, takes one to know one though!
(
The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 14:59,
archived)
oh, you've really got me there with the old thinly-disguised 'i no u r but wat am i lol'!
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 21 Jul 2021, 15:19,
archived)
I win this round, but I'm sure you'll come back swinging next time!
(
The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 15:28,
archived)
aye, you're definitely round alright, you fat wanker
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 21 Jul 2021, 15:33,
archived)
You're being very nasty to me today :(
(
The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 16:15,
archived)
you started it
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 21 Jul 2021, 16:22,
archived)
Is there some comedy web forum bullying going on here? Would you like to contact the mods?
(
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 20:01,
archived)
MODS
(
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 20:02,
archived)
Well that’s that sorted.
(
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 20:02,
archived)
Liverpool has been stripped of its UNESCO World Heritage status
*cries northwestern England style*
(
Woodkovsky βΉοΈβπ»βπ½βπ£βπ©βπ§»βπ, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 15:04,
archived)
Not sure how we got it in the first place, tbh
(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 15:33,
archived)
what's obsessed with grief and lives off dead beetles?
The city of Liverpool.
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 21 Jul 2021, 15:53,
archived)
Yep. Don't understand it.
(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 16:04,
archived)
If I was the plumber and it's an easy fix I'd do the toilet free
(
mongychops, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 15:13,
archived)
the toilet a big dump in queef's u-bend for
(
Cheers Cheers, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 15:18,
archived)
and it's an easy fix I'd do the toilet free but then again, no
(
Two Hats π©π©, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 16:17,
archived)
I can't help but think he must have caused it when fannying about behind the bath
it's right next to it. No problems for 5 years and the day after a plumber visits...leak. Impossible to prove, mind
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 16:38,
archived)
That can happen when looking for a leak, you check everything. See if loose, know a bit of scale of, starts dripping
(
mongychops, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 17:19,
archived)
thought as much
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 17:45,
archived)
I'm running out of ice pops
(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 15:34,
archived)
now there's a good idea
(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 16:17,
archived)
Lidl's Spanish grub week is supposed to mean that they have blood orange lollies
Unfortunately Greek week was an utter failure so the freezers are still full of frozen moussakas and spinach puffs, the fucking wankers
The good news is that today is bin ends day, meaning a huge pile of plonk was going for Β£3.99 a pop, including English sparkling which goes for Β£13-14. I picked up as much as I could carry and am tempted to go back. The checkout dude looked appalled lol
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 16:41,
archived)
who eats moussaka in July though?
I bet even the Greeks don't
(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 16:46,
archived)
No-one round here, that's for sure. Of all the 'eastern med' cuisines, Greek is the least good, from my experience
Great seafood of course but on the whole it seems to me that it's like a slightly lame and far more limited version of Turkish. Happy to be proven wrong though. That said, char-grilled octopus with a squeeze of lemon - fackin lavly
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 16:55,
archived)
grilled octopus is indeed lush
(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 17:11,
archived)
I had octopus carpaccio in southern Italy on my honeymoon - jesus fucking christ it was amazing
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 17:27,
archived)
I won't eat it ever, disgusting
(
mongychops, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 18:14,
archived)
Yeah, I got some of the breadsticks
Was tempted to get the musky octopus, but it's not as good as fresh
(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 17:59,
archived)
their white anchovies are fantastic in salads, very mild and very tasty
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 18:07,
archived)
My hernia is killing me, and I'm sweating like a priest in a playground
I'm sure there are other things I could complain about, but I cannot be bothered
(
Two Hats π©π©, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 16:18,
archived)
There’s always b3ta
(
Cheers Cheers, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 16:31,
archived)
h3rnia
(
Two Hats π©π©, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 16:38,
archived)
$oro$
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 16:42,
archived)
I am drunk and suddenly felt the need to lick my remote control
(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 21:56,
archived)
morning
it's feeling a bit more bearable today
b3ta, that is
(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 7:34,
archived)
morning TAH
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 21 Jul 2021, 7:43,
archived)
how's business?
(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 7:46,
archived)
meh, knackered
you?
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 21 Jul 2021, 7:50,
archived)
same old, same old
(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 7:52,
archived)
what did you think of Jazz Spastks by the way?
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 21 Jul 2021, 9:06,
archived)
Are you on commission with those pricks or something?
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 9:19,
archived)
I just fukkin' love their records and want other people to hear them, IS THAT SO BAD?
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 21 Jul 2021, 9:26,
archived)
Yes.
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 9:29,
archived)
Then I apologise profusely, to TAH IN HIS OWN SUBTHREAD, YA FLAMIN' STICKYBEAK!
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 21 Jul 2021, 9:35,
archived)
I'm even mulling over doing a clubnight just so I can book them.
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 21 Jul 2021, 9:36,
archived)
clubnight just so I can book them big wet splattery shit in my pants
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 10:20,
archived)
it would still be better than one of your DJ sets
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 21 Jul 2021, 10:24,
archived)
big shout out to all my popular page chums
(
sticklebrlcks link in bio β€οΈπβ€οΈ, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 12:55,
archived)
fucking close here
baby sitting my partners girls while she goes for an 'urgent' mammogram :(
(
sticklebrlcks link in bio β€οΈπβ€οΈ, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 8:24,
archived)
yikes
fingers crossed
(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 8:31,
archived)
yup
indeed
(
sticklebrlcks link in bio β€οΈπβ€οΈ, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 8:45,
archived)
oh man :(
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 8:35,
archived)
Hopefully they're just being overly cautious
(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 8:49,
archived)
aye
hoping it's a precaution
(
sticklebrlcks link in bio β€οΈπβ€οΈ, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 8:52,
archived)
they don't fuck around when it might be serious
my kid ended up having brain scans because she was getting headaches - she just needed glasses
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 9:01,
archived)
Yeah we really don't like being sued for missing stuff.
(
Agent Pr1ck llΗΙ―s ΗΙ₯Κ sΚI ΛΗΙΙld sα΄Ι₯Κ ΗΚΙΙ₯ l, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 10:40,
archived)
hooray it's just a cyst!
(
sticklebrlcks link in bio β€οΈπβ€οΈ, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 10:45,
archived)
Excellent news!
I shit myself when they called me in, turned out to be what they call a mouse
(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 10:54,
archived)
Us doctors would probably call it a fibroadenoma, unless you mean an actual mouse had gnawed its way into your breast.
(
Agent Pr1ck llΗΙ―s ΗΙ₯Κ sΚI ΛΗΙΙld sα΄Ι₯Κ ΗΚΙΙ₯ l, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 10:56,
archived)
Pretty sure I would have noticed that
(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 12:40,
archived)
Hooray, glad it wasn't anything more serious. You should use this opportunity to suggest that you carefully examine her breasts every day.
Also you should stress the importance of you regularly examining her for early signs of fanny and arse cancer.
(
Agent Pr1ck llΗΙ―s ΗΙ₯Κ sΚI ΛΗΙΙld sα΄Ι₯Κ ΗΚΙΙ₯ l, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 10:54,
archived)
waaaaaaay ahead of you!
(
sticklebrlcks link in bio β€οΈπβ€οΈ, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 12:55,
archived)
good stuff!
(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 12:15,
archived)
Morning
I'm feeling a bear as I type this
(
broadsword now that's fresh, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 8:27,
archived)
boh, a bear, a female bear
(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 8:31,
archived)
#dottingham
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 8:35,
archived)
lucky you
(
sticklebrlcks link in bio β€οΈπβ€οΈ, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 8:46,
archived)
Morning
Bit of a breeze here, which is very welcome
(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 8:34,
archived)
that was me m8
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 8:36,
archived)
for real though
I could open the bedroom window this morning without feeling like someone had thrown a wet duvet on my head
(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 8:37,
archived)
I know what you mean
I'm not even hot
(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 8:50,
archived)
good morning m8-ey
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 8:35,
archived)
alright Mr 'Jamaican bacon' chicken
(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 8:38,
archived)
not so bad, not so bad
it was fucking gr8 btw
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 8:40,
archived)
school's out for summer
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 8:48,
archived)
thank the lord
(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 8:48,
archived)
oh god when are they going back I've had enough already
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 12:26,
archived)
Team GB winning 1-0, come on GB
(
broadsword now that's fresh, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 8:54,
archived)
GO TEAM GB!
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 21 Jul 2021, 9:06,
archived)
just don't say anything to upset the Tories
or Priti'll put you in jail for 14 years
(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 9:09,
archived)
Cor!
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 21 Jul 2021, 9:15,
archived)
She can poke me in the slammer eh phwooar
(
broadsword now that's fresh, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 9:16,
archived)
body like a dinnerlady though, disappointing
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 21 Jul 2021, 9:28,
archived)
2-0 GO TEAM GB
(
broadsword now that's fresh, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 10:00,
archived)
arseboon dilbaro lol
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-57898473
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 21 Jul 2021, 9:52,
archived)
outstanding
(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 9:55,
archived)
is it racist to laugh at an amusing name?
Maybe BRB can come and let us all know!
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 21 Jul 2021, 9:58,
archived)
it depends
if the name contains a racial epithet and you are laughing at that, that might be racist
"arse", however, transcends all boundaries of race, colour and creed
(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 10:09,
archived)
I'll wait for the expert opinion of renowned racism authority and all-round internet comedy persona 'brb'.
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 21 Jul 2021, 10:10,
archived)
Surely he would approve of laughing at the other one though, since he's literally called Nazi.
(
The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 10:11,
archived)
hey, maybe we can get these newslettered in 'funny name corner'!
If Queef doesn't get there first with one of his hilarious 'customer of the day' updates!
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 21 Jul 2021, 10:14,
archived)
not had many good ones lately :(
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 10:17,
archived)
b3ta newsletters, you mean
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 21 Jul 2021, 10:25,
archived)
If only rob hadn't banned all the Pato Banton puns,
he'd have had enough material for a year's worth of newsletters.
(
The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 10:32,
archived)
he went bancrazy, didn't he?
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 21 Jul 2021, 10:41,
archived)
Rob always used to put my 'top tips' in the newsletter.
I mean they'd never have been good enough to be published in Viz where he stole the idea from but it was nice to get some approval.
(
Agent Pr1ck llΗΙ―s ΗΙ₯Κ sΚI ΛΗΙΙld sα΄Ι₯Κ ΗΚΙΙ₯ l, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 10:50,
archived)
I got one of my QOTW entries newslettered, cannae mind what it was tho lol
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 21 Jul 2021, 10:51,
archived)
bullshit, you had it printed and framed
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 11:09,
archived)
it's on a huge canvas hanging above the settee in my lounge.
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 21 Jul 2021, 11:12,
archived)
*Herbert Lom eye tic*
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 11:45,
archived)
I'll pass you a serviette, there must be a speck of dust in yr eye or something
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 21 Jul 2021, 11:48,
archived)
er, there is a racial epithet in his name mate
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 21 Jul 2021, 10:26,
archived)
not one I'm familiar with then
(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 10:33,
archived)
If the pint you like gives you that bit more, you can bet it's Arseboon Dilbaro
(
broadsword now that's fresh, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 10:15,
archived)
I can't not hear it like that now
(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 10:25,
archived)
At first I was like "Student murdered in watch robbery attempt near Harrods... I don't get it".
Then I read down and I was like "haha arseboon".
It's funny because it sounds like "our spoon".
(
Agent Pr1ck llΗΙ―s ΗΙ₯Κ sΚI ΛΗΙΙld sα΄Ι₯Κ ΗΚΙΙ₯ l, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 10:45,
archived)
no mate it's funny because it contains a funny word meaning the buttocks and anus!
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 21 Jul 2021, 10:50,
archived)
well actually I think you'll find it's funnier than that.
Whilst you correctly identify that 'arse' can refer to the peri-anal region the word 'boon' can mean either 'a thing that is helpful or beneficial' or 'a favour or request'
So his name could literally be translated as 'anal favour'!
(
Agent Pr1ck llΗΙ―s ΗΙ₯Κ sΚI ΛΗΙΙld sα΄Ι₯Κ ΗΚΙΙ₯ l, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 11:01,
archived)
it's also a contraction of 'baboon', and used as a racial epithet.
So his name means 'racist peri-anal region'!
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 21 Jul 2021, 11:04,
archived)
Morning. I think we're acclimatising to it. By the end of the week 30 degrees will probably feel quite comfortable.
Just in time for the temperature to plummet and rain to set in.
I'm the fucking nanny again today cos the one that actually gets paid to do it is self isolating.
(
Agent Pr1ck llΗΙ―s ΗΙ₯Κ sΚI ΛΗΙΙld sα΄Ι₯Κ ΗΚΙΙ₯ l, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 10:42,
archived)
acclimatising might make it bearable
the hardest thing has been this whole mild-mild-mild-ROASTING nonsense
(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 10:44,
archived)
n f
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 11:48,
archived)
www.imdb.com/title/tt0107612/
(
The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 12:52,
archived)
www.imdb.com/title/tt1446137/
(
broadsword now that's fresh, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 13:36,
archived)
www.imdb.com/title/tt1674223/
(
broadsword now that's fresh, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 13:37,
archived)
hahahahah
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 17:29,
archived)
alright knobshit's, quiet on here today innit
Just been quoted Β£425 + VAT to fix what seems to be a minor plumbing issue at my rental flat, which does at first glance appear to be a massive fucking pisstake. What else is a massive fucking pisstake?
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 11:44,
archived)
haha, this government, right guy's?
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 11:45,
archived)
what's the issue? Bearing in mind if it's for parts as well as labour then it's probably accurate.
lol parts.
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 20 Jul 2021, 11:49,
archived)
fixing a minor leak behind the tap
and completely replacing a Β£500 tap rather than fixing it as 'parts are hard to come by', which seems to be bollocks based on some minor googling
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 12:04,
archived)
get another quote
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 20 Jul 2021, 12:18,
archived)
Something from Monty Python, for instance
(
Two Hats π©π©, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 13:13,
archived)
WE ARE THE KNIGHTS WHO SAY 'NO'!
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 20 Jul 2021, 13:18,
archived)
NO ONE EXPECTS THE KLINGONS YOU SMEGHEAD!
(
Cheers Cheers, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 13:21,
archived)
Now we're talking
(
Two Hats π©π©, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 13:35,
archived)
Prost
(
Woodkovsky βΉοΈβπ»βπ½βπ£βπ©βπ§»βπ, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 13:59,
archived)
Ate
(
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 14:43,
archived)
Travolta and Willis' best work, no quezzles
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 14:02,
archived)
To think that the two acting credits they share are that, and Pulp Fiction
(
Two Hats π©π©, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 14:19,
archived)
well I know which one *I* prefer
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 14:28,
archived)
John?
(
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 14:44,
archived)
Wincey
(
The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 15:02,
archived)
I remember that episode, then Kirk fucked an alien curry
(
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 14:50,
archived)
and Starbuck made a face
(
The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 15:02,
archived)
b3ta.com/talk/8307167
(
The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 11:55,
archived)
lol "rental"
(
Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 12:09,
archived)
lol "lol"
lol
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 13:59,
archived)
lol @ lol
(
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 14:44,
archived)
tlol;dlol
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 15:32,
archived)
can't lol won't lol
(
The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 15:38,
archived)
roflol
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 16:26,
archived)
I'll do it for 420, no vat
(
broadsword now that's fresh, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 12:48,
archived)
do blaze
(
The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 12:55,
archived)
Isolating
The fan is broken, I want lilt and I can't go to the shop and I'm out of chocolate
(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 12:50,
archived)
+ny
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 14:03,
archived)
Like the first fan
+ny
(
The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 14:38,
archived)
can’t go tony the shop?
(
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 14:46,
archived)
correct
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 15:33,
archived)
what a shithouse
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 15:37,
archived)
Here's one you can have
*points at toe*
*points at knee*
*points at hand*
*points at cock*
(
Two Hats π©π©, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 16:09,
archived)
What's that?
Tony Handcock
(
Two Hats π©π©, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 16:09,
archived)
There's another one about Tony Hart but I can't remember how it goes
(
Two Hats π©π©, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 16:09,
archived)
is it 'Tony Hart was a fucken nonce'
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 16:51,
archived)
Smurf sold his story straight away, but Chas has never spoken out
Lives in Austria now, I think
(
Two Hats π©π©, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 17:13,
archived)
Morph you mean, unless Gargamel was another Yewtree bastard too
Also, Austria not the best choice of country to move to if you're trying to avoid nonces, I would think. Chas was never very bright.
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 17:21,
archived)
Fuck
(
Two Hats π©π©, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 17:28,
archived)
*points at forehead*
*points at crotch*
Ed Balls m8
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 16:33,
archived)
Ooh, good one
(
Two Hats π©π©, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 16:39,
archived)
Life
(
Cheers Cheers, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 13:22,
archived)
oh, life
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 14:03,
archived)
recently had the same experience
I'd called a plumber about knocking noises happening when the cold bath tap was turned on and a leaky shower mixer. He quoted me Β£900 to completely replace bathroom and shower taps. Turns out most taps are made of very basic bits. The mixer and the bathroom taps both took these cartridges:
www.amazon.co.uk/Tap-Cartridges/b?ie=UTF8&node=1939476031 (different sizes).
Total cost for me to fix both the knocking noise and the leaky shower - Β£27.50.
(
Octo I ruin everything., Tue 20 Jul 2021, 13:31,
archived)
alright Octo
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 20 Jul 2021, 13:38,
archived)
Hola
I'm the one person who thought /talk was completely dead and not just not linked to from anywhere.
(
Octo I ruin everything., Tue 20 Jul 2021, 13:51,
archived)
Cheers
(
Cheers Cheers, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 13:52,
archived)
you were right first time
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 14:04,
archived)
Octo Dave Edmunds
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 14:04,
archived)
thieving bastards aren't they
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 14:16,
archived)
/talk, you mean.
(
The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 14:39,
archived)
whether or not it's something you can fix yourself, I wouldn't give a penny of my money to that wideboy
"parts are hard to come by" is just insulting your intelligence
does he work in the trade or doesn't he?
(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 13:43,
archived)
^what he said
If parts are hard to come by, chances are his credit with other tradesmen is shit or nonexistent.
(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 13:56,
archived)
I dunno, it depends on the age of the fitting.
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 20 Jul 2021, 14:04,
archived)
Please get with the program, the plumber is clearly a cowboy. What do you need to see, a horse and a pair of 6-shooters?
(
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 14:48,
archived)
yes please!
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 20 Jul 2021, 15:00,
archived)
he's the prick the letting agents sent round
I'm sure they don't have an 'arrangement', oh no
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 14:06,
archived)
ffs
that's reason enough in itself to get someone else
(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 14:12,
archived)
Wow, some bollocks in this thread
(
mongychops, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 14:32,
archived)
Just this one?
(
Two Hats π©π©, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 15:07,
archived)
help a brother out yo
am I being knocked or what?
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 16:27,
archived)
Depends on the price of the new taps. But labour will be 150 minimum. I wouldn't try and source parts for old stuff , if they fail again it'll cost him money. It's a quote innit. He's covering going there to look too.
(
mongychops, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 17:01,
archived)
he said £1-160 for a cheapo rental one
but the tap's not the issue, the leak is in the pipes behind it and is pretty minor according to them. The tap just drips - but it's done that since I lived there and if you don't turn it 100% off but stop just before, it shuts the water off completely. Tenant's been happy to do that for the past 3 years, hopefully she'll continue to do so. I can't lose over half a month's rent at the moment, that will be disastrous. I've had to shell out Β£250 on the cooker last month and the agent's tenancy renewal fees were another Β£150. Just super shitty timing. Really I should redecorate it in the next year but again unless I'm asked I'm going to do nothing.
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 17:20,
archived)
#comedywebsite
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 17:22,
archived)
Get photos of the leak , I'll have a look
(
mongychops, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 17:40,
archived)
gazzed
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 8:37,
archived)
they can come by *these* parts
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 15:37,
archived)
Hi, I just came to fix your gushing faucet
(
The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 15:39,
archived)
they look 'hard to come by'
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 16:28,
archived)
I got in trouble last night for loudly singing Englebert Humperdinck songs in the street.
But the police released me and let me go.
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 20 Jul 2021, 16:49,
archived)
fuck off to QOTW
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 16:50,
archived)
to QOTW
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 20 Jul 2021, 16:56,
archived)
PINGDEMIC
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 20 Jul 2021, 7:33,
archived)
United Pingdom
Morning
(
Cheers Cheers, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 7:41,
archived)
in the pingdom of the blind, the one-eyed man is king
morning
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 20 Jul 2021, 7:49,
archived)
one-eyed man is ping, surely
(
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 11:38,
archived)
too many pings mate, too many fackin' pings
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 20 Jul 2021, 11:41,
archived)
I misspoke :(
(
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 14:49,
archived)
sultans of pingdemic
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 8:13,
archived)
I saw something in the Guardian the other week
That said the singer from the Sultans is now a professor of European political history or something.
lol you're a-peein'
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 20 Jul 2021, 8:20,
archived)
well he certainly wasn't suited to being a musician
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 8:29,
archived)
All I remember about him
was that Dave the Welsh goth in halls of residence in 1993 told me animatedly that he was a bender.
(
The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 8:40,
archived)
what, Dave the bent Welsh goth?
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 20 Jul 2021, 8:41,
archived)
Everyone's bent, Dave.
(
The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 8:47,
archived)
When I was in halls of residence (also 1993 lol) I got in the same lift as him at Tufnell Park station so many times (as did my mate, separately) it became a running joke
'Got in the lift with The Sultan again today ffs' etc
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 8:45,
archived)
Imagine getting into a lift with him now.
You'd both be dead from covid 100 times over.
(
The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 8:49,
archived)
Would you mind if I imagined something else instead please?
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 8:58,
archived)
I hereby accede to your dying wish.
(
The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 9:26,
archived)
it don't mean a thing if it ain't got that ping
(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 8:20,
archived)
morping
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 20 Jul 2021, 8:21,
archived)
'Pingles, mateyplops!
*smoosh*
(
The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 8:39,
archived)
ouch
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 8:58,
archived)
PING THE NOISE
(
broadsword now that's fresh, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 8:43,
archived)
lol
(
broadsword now that's fresh, Tue 20 Jul 2021, 9:35,
archived)
Fucking brilliant
The niece has just told me she's got the rona, so I'll be going nowhere. How has your day gone monumentally fuckup?
(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 19 Jul 2021, 13:08,
archived)
it hasn’t
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 19 Jul 2021, 13:10,
archived)
They’d run out of organic milk at the local farmers market this morning
I am positively apoplectic
(
Cheers Cheers, Mon 19 Jul 2021, 13:16,
archived)
That demands a strongly-worded letter to the local newspaper
(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 19 Jul 2021, 13:33,
archived)
I’m organising a stern letter writing campaign as I type this
(
Cheers Cheers, Mon 19 Jul 2021, 13:35,
archived)
“Dear so-called cows…”
(
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Mon 19 Jul 2021, 19:04,
archived)
has anyone said b3ta yet?
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 19 Jul 2021, 13:44,
archived)
b3ta.com/talk/8307169
(
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Mon 19 Jul 2021, 19:28,
archived)
My day's going rather well:
Boiler=fixed
High value items=sold
Hangover=gone
(
brb Monkhouse Stampede, Mon 19 Jul 2021, 13:45,
archived)
(
Runcorn shitty limits, Mon 19 Jul 2021, 14:00,
archived)
I feel really sorry for the staff in Gregg's, they must be baking.
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 19 Jul 2021, 14:29,
archived)
Chefs in carveries must be roasting
(
broadsword now that's fresh, Mon 19 Jul 2021, 15:13,
archived)
5 GOLD RINGS
(
Cheers Cheers, Mon 19 Jul 2021, 15:50,
archived)
4 TURTLE’S HEADS
(
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Mon 19 Jul 2021, 19:05,
archived)
vicars must be getting hot under the collar
(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Mon 19 Jul 2021, 16:54,
archived)
Chocolatiers must be melting
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 19 Jul 2021, 17:02,
archived)
Chefs at soup kitchens must be boiling
(
hoppitygoestotown The temporal displacement occurred exactly, Mon 19 Jul 2021, 18:00,
archived)
Prostitutes are probably getting sweeties than usual.
(
Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 19 Jul 2021, 21:25,
archived)
(Am I doing it right?)
(
Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 19 Jul 2021, 21:25,
archived)
I'm enjoying proping up the bar, although legally I should be self isolating, but that was a con to get a few days off
(
mongychops, Mon 19 Jul 2021, 17:34,
archived)
Don't blame you
Waiting for a test to be dropped off so I can see if I've got the mange
(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 19 Jul 2021, 18:06,
archived)
My nephew has it. I'm a close contact. Not seen the nob for a year
(
mongychops, Mon 19 Jul 2021, 20:28,
archived)
I hadn’t seen mine for a while until I lost weight
(
Cheers Cheers, Mon 19 Jul 2021, 21:32,
archived)
My test just came back negative
But I'm still isolating because I may be a cunt, but I'm not an absolute cunt.
(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 19 Jul 2021, 23:18,
archived)
-a +i
(
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Mon 19 Jul 2021, 23:01,
archived)
So what have you all got planned for FREEDOM DAY?
Having unprotected sex with South African rentboys? Injecting krokodil and then driving at 110 mph the wrong way down the M4 in an unroadworthy vehicle?
(
Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 19 Jul 2021, 6:55,
archived)
a street party with bunting,
chicken Γ la Truss (now with 30% more bleach) and a modern take on the bran tub, where kids can fish for prizes in a full sharps bin
(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Mon 19 Jul 2021, 7:23,
archived)
Might frolic with a finch
(
The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 19 Jul 2021, 8:05,
archived)
nt mm
(
Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 19 Jul 2021, 8:28,
archived)
, chicken Γ la Liz
(
The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 19 Jul 2021, 11:03,
archived)
dunno lol
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 19 Jul 2021, 7:33,
archived)
lol!
(
Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 19 Jul 2021, 8:28,
archived)
work lol
(
The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 19 Jul 2021, 8:05,
archived)
I’m going to put the milk in first
(
Cheers Cheers, Mon 19 Jul 2021, 8:12,
archived)
milk in first if brewed in a teapot, milk in last if using a teabag
lol teabag
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 19 Jul 2021, 8:55,
archived)
lol
(
Cheers Cheers, Mon 19 Jul 2021, 10:53,
archived)
morning
beercan jerk chicken on the bbq, might go for a couple of pints, prolly bugger a bulldog to show my British spunk, vim and vigour
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Mon 19 Jul 2021, 9:31,
archived)
Nice.
I'm considering wanking a wombat.
(
Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 19 Jul 2021, 11:49,
archived)
Toast, coffee and a poo
(
broadsword now that's fresh, Mon 19 Jul 2021, 9:53,
archived)
nah, did all that last week, just gonna have a quiet one
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 19 Jul 2021, 10:11,
archived)
Stay in, keep cool, watch films
(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 19 Jul 2021, 10:18,
archived)
I'm going to enjoy a pint standing at the bar
(
mongychops, Mon 19 Jul 2021, 10:39,
archived)
Good on yer.
I'm WFH while looking after a toddler, so my day will not be affected by it in the least.
(
Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 19 Jul 2021, 11:08,
archived)
Nothing really
mostly as we Norn Irish are not in that there England so we ain't free to pass the virus around willy nilly.
Is it just me or does anyone else think Boris has decided yer on your own and good luck as he fucks off to his little house in the country and leaves you all to it.
(
TBL I posted this on, Mon 19 Jul 2021, 11:59,
archived)
Definitely not just you
and the idea that Johnson cares about anything apart from himself is laughable
Go to nightclubs. Spread the virus. Kill the vulnerable.
(
Cheers Cheers, Mon 19 Jul 2021, 12:15,
archived)
fuck all those vulnerable poor people
they don't even vote Conservative
(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Mon 19 Jul 2021, 12:30,
archived)
lol willy
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 19 Jul 2021, 12:31,
archived)
lol willy, like a penus lol
(
Cheers Cheers, Mon 19 Jul 2021, 12:33,
archived)
haha we have a right laugh here don't we
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 19 Jul 2021, 12:44,
archived)
haha yeah imagine if we took ourselves really seriously
(
Cheers Cheers, Mon 19 Jul 2021, 12:54,
archived)
*BRB KLAXON*
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 19 Jul 2021, 12:55,
archived)
Dunno who that is, soz
(
Cheers Cheers, Mon 19 Jul 2021, 13:00,
archived)
Its probably for the best
(
TBL I posted this on, Mon 19 Jul 2021, 13:29,
archived)
Of course he has
Imbecilic burst mattress of a man
(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 19 Jul 2021, 13:04,
archived)
just found out a way to send gazzes to a poster while that poster has you on 2.0
This place is coded so well eh.
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 19 Jul 2021, 12:53,
archived)
STOP DOZER STOP
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 19 Jul 2021, 12:55,
archived)
I wonder what he's up to these days.
(
Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 19 Jul 2021, 12:57,
archived)
I don't
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 19 Jul 2021, 13:10,
archived)
Morning.
Alt.: favourite grammatical mood? Were I to choose, I'd say subjunctive.
(
Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sun 18 Jul 2021, 9:02,
archived)
Morning
Playing DnD today, what sre you up to?
(
willenium Fist bump for verification, Sun 18 Jul 2021, 9:46,
archived)
Who won DnD then?
(
Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Sun 18 Jul 2021, 22:39,
archived)
society
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Mon 19 Jul 2021, 9:31,
archived)
not googling grammatical mood
but if you chose subjunctive that feels like a tense
not looking for an argument on a sunny Sunday morning btw
I just logged out so I could see what all the popular page comments were about, brb is a rubbish boring troll
(
sticklebrlcks link in bio β€οΈπβ€οΈ, Sun 18 Jul 2021, 9:52,
archived)
Sunday mornings should be kept free from arguments
(
willenium Fist bump for verification, Sun 18 Jul 2021, 9:56,
archived)
You fucking what m8
(
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Sun 18 Jul 2021, 16:55,
archived)
it is not morning anymore so this reply is as good as any
(
Woodkovsky βΉοΈβπ»βπ½βπ£βπ©βπ§»βπ, Sun 18 Jul 2021, 18:13,
archived)
Don’t be all agreeable to me it’s too late for that now
(
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Sun 18 Jul 2021, 18:51,
archived)
I was out on the roof yesterday painting the conservatory and I burned my neck.
I didn't like it.
(
Agent Pr1ck llΗΙ―s ΗΙ₯Κ sΚI ΛΗΙΙld sα΄Ι₯Κ ΗΚΙΙ₯ l, Sun 18 Jul 2021, 10:33,
archived)
Morning
Very warm already
(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Sun 18 Jul 2021, 10:43,
archived)
Too hot to be indoors
(
Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sun 18 Jul 2021, 13:18,
archived)
it's cooler in than out
and i have a large fan
(
Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 18 Jul 2021, 16:12,
archived)
+ny
(
broadsword now that's fresh, Sun 18 Jul 2021, 18:09,
archived)
any large fan idgi
(
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Sun 18 Jul 2021, 18:52,
archived)
no it's cooler inny than out
(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Sun 18 Jul 2021, 19:22,
archived)
Ok thanks I get it now
(
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Mon 19 Jul 2021, 5:00,
archived)
I was going to go outside but sod that noise
a brief half-hour trip to the shops almost landed me with heatstroke
(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Sun 18 Jul 2021, 12:18,
archived)
I've got to go and do some laundry
Otherwise I wouldn't be leaving the house
(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Sun 18 Jul 2021, 12:58,
archived)
Afternoon.
I rather like the horative mood used in the Mortlockese language. Itβs a bit niche, Iβll admit; well worth looking into though.
(
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Sun 18 Jul 2021, 17:04,
archived)
That may be so but you can't really condone their policy of eating the Eloi.
(
Agent Pr1ck llΗΙ―s ΗΙ₯Κ sΚI ΛΗΙΙld sα΄Ι₯Κ ΗΚΙΙ₯ l, Sun 18 Jul 2021, 17:22,
archived)
lazy, useless eloi
if they didn't want to be eaten, they should have thought of a way to stop it
(
Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 18 Jul 2021, 17:35,
archived)
They could start by not being so damn tasty.
(
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Sun 18 Jul 2021, 18:31,
archived)
« Older messages | Newer messages »