just because i'm venting everywhere i can at the moment...
well i'm at work and shouldnt really be positng here
but i don't care
i need to vent
i'm fucking furious

as some of you might know, last month i finally managed to seucre visitation with my daughter after being denied it for 5 1/2 months.

im supposed to see her tomorrow.

last night i went round to my parents. i knew my mum had had jade for a while during the day, so we left it late enough so that she should have gone home. long gone home.
however with my dads cancer giving him grief, they were late in leaving. so as i came round the corner i saw jade and my parents leaving. i saw her long enough to wish her a happy birthday for the wednesady jsut gone, gave her a hug and waved goodbye. no point causing trouble for my parents, etc.

i've jsut had a text message from my wife, relaying a message from her mother to quote
"because you had unathorised access last night, jade wont be seeing you tomorrow"

15 fucking seconds...on accident!
15 fucking seconds and that over inflated bitch with an equally over inflated ego has decided i cant see my daughter. i havenet even been able to give her a birthday present yet
she was looking forward to seeing me, she told me as much...i cried when i waved good bye to her last night...like i always do...like iam while i sit here typing this. but not only is it me whose upset, she will be. and ive no doubt they'll tell her it's my fault.

i want to kill
i want to rip fat laden flesh into hot dripping chunks
i want to wipe them off the face of this gods forsaken planet and do all of us a favour!!

what fucking right do they have!!?!!?

all i want is to see my daughter why should that cause so much fucking grief!?!?!?


Arrrgh!!!






apologies..
( mooglemania Please disregard this sig., Fri 10 Sep 2004, 17:32, archived)

That is shit.
Not much more that can be said.
( TV's Nosemonkey, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 17:36, archived)

that bitch doesn't
deserve to have custody of your daughter
edit: www.antioffline.com/anarchy/
( sprinkles ITS AN ISLAND, morron, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 17:37, archived)

she is a complete and total arsehole
that is all
( anythingbutthisactually, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 17:41, archived)

jeez
sorry dude, that is just plain wrong
( cunilinguini, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 17:47, archived)

isn't that against the agreement?
fucking bitch shouldn't be able to do that
( MrSanity has maybe kicked the WoW habit forever, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 17:56, archived)

man
there's no need to apologise. well, i think it's time we had a group hug...or something...erm...manly.

Hows about a beer...your round i think.
( tico, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 18:02, archived)

reminds me of an interview Bob Geldof gave once
you probably know about this site already

www.spig.info/
( rob, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 18:10, archived)

That's one thing I have to be thankful for
No custody battles in our family.

Best of luck with the struggle, remember your daughter loves you (aahh) and she will see through her mother sooner or later. Chill and you'll be cool.
( Gizmo.mp3 does not exist, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 18:31, archived)

Pub anyone?

( TV's Nosemonkey, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 17:24, archived)

*bumrapes*
*ticks off list*

Hurrah, that's me done!

Go on then. I'll get 'em in.
( Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 17:25, archived)

My cock fell off inside t'other Benny earlier
or I'd bumrape you back.
Mine's a pint of Adnams, ta.
( TV's Nosemonkey, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 17:29, archived)

HA HA
you bum other men
*gots back in the box*
(Dinsdale v Spiny Norman, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 17:34, archived)

*pulls cock out of t'other Benny's capacious arse*
*sews back on*
*opens box*
*bums*
( TV's Nosemonkey, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 17:37, archived)

While you're at it
can I have mine back please! You cut it off earlier and still have it! You cunt.
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 18:11, archived)

I missed all the bum rapeage
Nobody loves me. Not even in an unatural way. :(
( Miss Behave - Delicate little flower, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 18:37, archived)

*Bumrapes*
There you go....happy?
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 20:29, archived)

hot donkey sex
b3ta.com/newsletter/issue150/
( rob, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 16:20, archived)

Hurrah!

( Hankster, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 16:21, archived)

All donkeys are called Prince.

FACT!
( Roman Totale, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 16:21, archived)

www.donkeyrescue.org/1_domestic_donkey_index.htm

edit: *sets as homepage*
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 16:24, archived)

A donkey called Tiger?
That ain't natural.
( Newington, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 16:44, archived)

woo
but doh, as im leaving work in 8 minutes
( comrade yannovski and then, of course, there was the schnapps monkey, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 16:22, archived)

you big gay

( rob, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 16:22, archived)

you say the sweetest things

( comrade yannovski and then, of course, there was the schnapps monkey, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 16:22, archived)

YYYEESSSS!!!
I'M IN THE NEWSLETTER!!!

Thankyou Rob :-)
( Mike Fishcake teamfishcake.co.uk - better than your mum's face, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 16:28, archived)

This has been very kindly done for me by my friend Stu
(the one in the BWD video, with the red and blue t-shirts, and the guy talking to the dog at the end)

Would you like to have a dogs face?

Print out the following graphic:
www.teamfishcake.co.uk/bigwetdoggy/megface.jpg
Which may be slow to load on 56K due to low compression\high resolution.

Cut out just inside the white dotted line.

Find some strong Nylon, or fishing line. Cotton tends to break, but you could always try wool. Also find a sharp needle.

Hold your new face against the soft skin on the front of your head so that the edges of the new face are aligned with your old sick disgusting face. Try to align the new eyes with your old ones. If your eyes are too close together, you are probably a serial killer.

Thread the nylon\cotton\wool into the eye of the needle and tie a knot, so that it doesn't fall back out.

Carefully push the needle through the paper face, and deep into your skin, and back out again a few millimeters away. Try not to bleed, as this may ruin the mask. Repeat this sewing motion, until the mask is attached to your face.

Finally, poke holes in the eyes of the mask so that they line up with your eyes. Pushing too hard may cause you to poke your old eye out. This tends to minimise the effectiveness of poking holes in the first place.

That's it! You're done. Now why not go shopping or to the park to show off your new face, you filthy little wastrel.
( Mike Fishcake teamfishcake.co.uk - better than your mum's face, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 16:48, archived)

Hurrah!!
*bumrapes*

*ticks off list*


/now home
( Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 16:32, archived)

Amusingly shaped wine gums?
You are Esther Rantzen aicmfp.

(Thanks!)
( Newington, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 16:33, archived)

I laughed at that
far longer than is healthy :-D
( Mike Fishcake teamfishcake.co.uk - better than your mum's face, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 16:35, archived)

steal from the best
that's what I always say
( rob, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 16:40, archived)

huzzah
that cow game will last me until 5 I'm sure....
( Gnoll, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 16:35, archived)

pork scratchings
a force for good or evil?
( comrade yannovski and then, of course, there was the schnapps monkey, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 16:18, archived)

Oh,
for good, definitely.

Unless you've got bad teeth.
( Chrico is a bounder and a cad, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 16:19, archived)

the noise of someone eating them
is enough to scare people with bad teeth
( comrade yannovski and then, of course, there was the schnapps monkey, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 16:21, archived)

Disgusting.
*eats when no one's looking*
( Newington, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 16:19, archived)

I like them

( Hankster, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 16:19, archived)

Never had them.
They're dried pigs' skin, aren't they?
Skin is good.
( Comma, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 16:19, archived)

roast
with tons of salt

I recently started to like them, hence the question
( comrade yannovski and then, of course, there was the schnapps monkey, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 16:20, archived)

Crackling
But technically yes


/Ex butcher.
( Hankster, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 16:20, archived)

hog lumps
evil
( The Incredible... accident free since, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 16:25, archived)

coffee cup
monkey spittle
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 16:27, archived)

general notice:
the uplaod project still needs lots more stuff.

as you can see here, there's too much repetition. CURED: Added code to grab some random google images. should be 50% submissions, 50% random google.

so please help out.

thanks.
( sex and dougs and rock n roll, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:54, archived)

I got a few random results
now I get the 404.

edit: that link in your post works, but the "results of the upload project" on the main page doesn't seem to.
( Newington, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:59, archived)

Couldn't find mine
will send more
( Hankster, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 16:02, archived)

what exactly are you after?

( Giant bunny jumping out like a large happy tourettes rabbit, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 16:03, archived)

anything really, but:
no personal info.
no pr0n.
( sex and dougs and rock n roll, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 16:05, archived)

Fine
I sent you pretty flower
( Giant bunny jumping out like a large happy tourettes rabbit, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 16:11, archived)

thankyou.
( sex and dougs and rock n roll, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 16:11, archived)

There is
pr0n Leela.
( Newington, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 16:13, archived)

ah. so there is was.
( sex and dougs and rock n roll, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 17:01, archived)

I've realised that a google image search
for my name brings up an absolutely awful picture of me. So hence I am putting a link in here to another, less awful pic in the hope that by calling it Joel Veitch google images will rank it higher once it's indexed and stuff.
( crab_bloke), Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:25, archived)

ARRRGH
the nose hair. ARRRRGGGGH
(generalname, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:25, archived)

oh piss
still, better than the other one
( crab_bloke), Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:26, archived)

Go on
show us the other one. let us decide

Edit - found it. You're right. This one is better.
( Wifey, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:29, archived)

see for yourself
google images thinks i'm a bit wasted
( crab_bloke), Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:32, archived)

If you actually try and go to the image, it's a 404
(or did you just remove it?)

/edit: don't particularly see what's so terrible about it, but there you go
( Newington, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:34, archived)

Yeah I'd say
it's better than the Joel posted - plucking is your friend mate :D

P.S. The panda/biscuit song is possibly the finest thing ever
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:39, archived)

Hahahah
*Breathes*
hahahahaha

You look normal.
( Hankster, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:25, archived)

Your eyes are different shapes.

( Comma, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:26, archived)

and this is better, you say?

( Kamikaze Stoat £4.09, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:27, archived)

Replace the words a link in here
to Joel Veitch, as that will help google identify what the picture is off (all about page rank and dull shit like that).

Edit: This weeks compo, who can shop Joel the bestest.
( magnum, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:27, archived)

thanks
done
( crab_bloke), Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:30, archived)

Can we all help?
Joel Veitch
( Newington, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:31, archived)

or hinder?
freckles and nose hair
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:32, archived)

Or you could link to an entirely different image
with the anchor text as Joel...
Not that I would recommend that.
( magnum, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:33, archived)

This is the better one?
Where did the other one come from?
( Giant bunny jumping out like a large happy tourettes rabbit, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:27, archived)

a b3ta party
a couple of years ago. i was arseholed. it shows.
( crab_bloke), Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:35, archived)

Whenever I'm at the same party as you
your eyes scare the shit out of me. EYES LIKE THE MOON.
( supermoore: HUNG, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:39, archived)

You're not the first person to mention that
by a long way.
( crab_bloke), Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:42, archived)

Mind you
I'm normally belming for England or falling down a flight of stairs at the time.
( supermoore: HUNG, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:46, archived)

Its not too bad
really
there are worse things to look than pissed
( Giant bunny jumping out like a large happy tourettes rabbit, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:42, archived)

an image search for my name
brings up 1 results

a picture of iain dowie

www.leaguemanagers.com/media/iain_dowie_oldham.jpg

what exactly are they trying to tell me?
( comrade yannovski and then, of course, there was the schnapps monkey, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:28, archived)

That
you're actually a league manager of Oldham? And you have an incredibly large forehead?
( Chrico is a bounder and a cad, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:32, archived)

You resemble Davros?

( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:32, archived)

as if my self esteem didnt need another hammering
google thinks im Iain "ugliest man on the planet" Dowie
( comrade yannovski and then, of course, there was the schnapps monkey, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:35, archived)

Maybe it's a sign that you'll
be playing for Palace at the weekend?
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:41, archived)

i can but dream

( comrade yannovski and then, of course, there was the schnapps monkey, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:44, archived)

You can dream of getting their wages
not sure about playing for them though...
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:47, archived)

My name brings up nothing scary in GIS

( Giant bunny jumping out like a large happy tourettes rabbit, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:36, archived)

not even a giant killer bunny?

( comrade yannovski and then, of course, there was the schnapps monkey, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:44, archived)

I meant my real name
and only one porn image with safe search off*
and its inoffensive lesbians
and its not even on the first page
There are however some very nice earings

Nonononononononono, before you start no
( Giant bunny jumping out like a large happy tourettes rabbit, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:47, archived)

I have no idea what you could possibly mean
;)
( comrade yannovski and then, of course, there was the schnapps monkey, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 16:06, archived)

googling my
username brings a very disturbing image
www.organ-pdx.org/Images/Newsletters_Low/7_2002/2002_10_03.gif
NSFA!
( sprinkles ITS AN ISLAND, morron, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:51, archived)

BLAAAARGH!!!!
There are hundreds and thousands of things I'd rather see than that...
( Chrico is a bounder and a cad, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:52, archived)

*holds head in hands*
why do i do it? when will i learn to believe people when they say dont click...
( comrade yannovski and then, of course, there was the schnapps monkey, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:56, archived)

if we fill this thread with the words
freckles nose hair freckles nose hair freckles nose hair freckles nose hair freckles nose hair freckles nose hair freckles nose hair

would it act as a mini google-bomb?
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:29, archived)

When I GIS for my name,
I see someone who isn't me. This scares me.
( Chrico is a bounder and a cad, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:29, archived)

!
www.b3ta.com/talk/27112
( comrade yannovski and then, of course, there was the schnapps monkey, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:30, archived)

None of these are me at all.
But I do get Samurai Kittens for some reason (nowt to do wi' me.)
( Newington, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:36, archived)

You are Pob
AICMFP
( TV's Nosemonkey, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:29, archived)

Oooh
googling for your name turned up an animation I hadnt seen before. Viking kittens sing Led Zeppelin. Here:
www.public.asu.edu/~mharp/viking_kittens/VikingKitten.htm

It says it disappeared from your site without a mention.
( Nimble Colin camera-wrangling, globe-trotting whisky enthusiast, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:35, archived)

wow!
It only just twigged that you're joel veitch - can I touch you?
( sprinkles ITS AN ISLAND, morron, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:45, archived)

*belms*

( Hankster, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:54, archived)

I'm wrapped in bubblewrap
and clingfilm, to protect against bumps and germs.
( crab_bloke), Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:58, archived)

My name brings up a fair few
John Squire
(generalname, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 16:14, archived)

twatting hankster
and his cuntcizing music thread
has just forced me to one-click buy half a dozen albums of music I mostly already own
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:21, archived)

*Belm*

( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:26, archived)

oh pissknuckles
now I'm going to have to one-click joey deacon's life story and the 1980 blue peter annual
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:27, archived)

You are the B3ta Bitch
Anyone else like a go?
It's fun!
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:29, archived)

I have many many camels worth of plastic credit
I could one-click myself all the way to ye olde paupers' gaol
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:31, archived)

OK Buy
this and this, you cunt.
*bumrapes*
( TV's Nosemonkey, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:38, archived)

*lights up hamlet .... the mild cigar*
(I'm not that stupid)

(although ... foreword by martin landau ... *mouse hovers over 1click*)
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:50, archived)

Officially known as "my mate Martin Landau"
I've still got his phone number knocking around somewhere.
I rule.
( TV's Nosemonkey, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:53, archived)

Hahahaa
Amazon love me
( Hankster, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:26, archived)

Oh whore!

( Tiggy Twitchin', Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:27, archived)

Google is not being my friend
and since you're all my bitches (sorry):

is there a website where I can enter a word, and see a list of common figures of speech/stock phrases that contain that word?

/edit: Ooh, Cliche Finder seems about right
( Newington, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:13, archived)

Probably.

( Comma, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:16, archived)

Wow
That's about as non-commital as you're ever likely to get.
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:18, archived)

Maybe
*bums*
( TV's Nosemonkey, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:20, archived)

*Retalliation bumming*

( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:26, archived)

*gets out the sandpaper condom again*
*dries Benny's hole out with a blowtorch*
*vigorously counter-dryhumps*
( TV's Nosemonkey, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:28, archived)

*Hobbles to sandpaper condom machine*
*Dons sandpaper condom*
*Douses condom with Brut 33 and tabasco sauce*
*Fires Shrink Ray at Nosemonkeys ringpiece*
*Take 3 mile run up*
*GERTCHA!*
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:31, archived)

Yay!
First time it's touched the sides in years!
( TV's Nosemonkey, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:34, archived)

And I'm spent
(And in need of urgent medical attention)
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:35, archived)

*cuts Benny's flaccid cock off*
*starches it*
*self-bums*
( TV's Nosemonkey, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:39, archived)

Can I have that back when you've finished with it
But for god's sake clean it first!
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 16:06, archived)

You were lucky you didn't get those glow sticks
mine are shit. Still, make a nice present for my sister for christmas.
( magnum, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:21, archived)

I'm still going to try it.
I'm thinking of getting those thin bracelet ones so they're easier to bend.
( Comma, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:24, archived)

They are the ones I got
thing is, they are too thin and so don't glow as well.
( magnum, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:25, archived)

But if it was loads and loads next to each other
they'd be alright, wouldn't they?
( Comma, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:27, archived)

I was hoping for at least
200,000 candle watts of raw neon power.
( magnum, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:31, archived)

urbandictionary.com?
worth a go.
( Kamikaze Stoat £4.09, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:16, archived)

how does it smell?

( Tiggy Twitchin', Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:26, archived)

STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Got any ideas for that section of the newsletter? - brain not working today.
( rob, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:04, archived)

Get arrested:
See if you can get arrested under the provention of terrorism act for doing something bizarre, but ultimately harmless.
( supermoore: HUNG, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:07, archived)

Flawed plan: How will they report back?
They'll never see the outside world again.
( TV's Nosemonkey, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:10, archived)

Like these ninja students today
was it one of you?
( Wifey, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:23, archived)

Gat some proper
video of Britains big cats/ the yeti/ ufo's/ aliens

Not like this crap attempt
( Wifey, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:08, archived)

I like this quote:
"I take a keen interest in wildlife and I'm always peering through binoculars at things when I'm in Wales," he said.
( Nimble Colin camera-wrangling, globe-trotting whisky enthusiast, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:14, archived)

Make a video of..
...Yourself playing Ice-Cream-Van jingles loudly in your car whilst driving through an estate... Filming the resultant confused children who flock to the roadside..
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:08, archived)

nice

( rob, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:09, archived)

A TV with a light gun attached to it
that superimposes bulletwounds on the picture.

edit: or a website, upload a celebrity photo and get it back with added fatal injury.
( Newington, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:08, archived)

Dye yourself, from the inside:
We keep hearing that eating/drinking too much of certain projects can make your skin go a funny colour. Prove it.
( supermoore: HUNG, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:09, archived)

Cover yourself in marmite/bootpolish
go to Brixton/harlem/local black neighbourhood and repeat all the "hilarious" racist jokes from this week's question, and get a mate to film the results.

OR: Kill Robert Kilroy-Silk

OR: Work in IT? Rig the US Presidential elections in John Kerry's favour.

OR: It's nearly winter, and the clocks will be going back in just over a month, meaning that those of us with jobs won't see daylight again for several months. Kill every single Scottish farmer so that there's no need to change ths sodding clocks.

OR: Kittens are cute, but kittens in costumes are cuter. Burn them.

OR (my favourite): Send Nosemonkey all your money.
( TV's Nosemonkey, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:09, archived)

OR: It's nearly winter, and the clocks will be going back in just over a month, meaning that those of us with jobs won't see daylight again for several months. Kill every single Scottish farmer so that there's no need to change ths sodding clocks.

I like it.
(Christopsy, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:13, archived)

Take your revenge on technology:
We love that scene in Office Space where they destroy the shared printer. Dispose of your surplus technology in as violent a way as possible.
( supermoore: HUNG, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:11, archived)

yes!
i will see if i can dig up the video clip me and my friends made of blowing up a computer for a a-level computing video project
( comrade yannovski and then, of course, there was the schnapps monkey, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:15, archived)

Grasshopperchopper.
Customise a Chopper bike to look like a grasshopper.
( Comma, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:13, archived)

Or mutilate a grasshopper
to look like a bicycle.

*takes out pen-knife*
( Newington, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:19, archived)

grasshopperwhopperchopper
.... with a really huge cock
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:19, archived)

Get a record deal:
It's all about image these days. We reckon it's possible to get a record deal on the basis of a good looking website and sleeping with one of the 3am girls. Prove us right, and win a lime.
( supermoore: HUNG, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:18, archived)

We can't leave home without worrying that we have left the gas on. Make a device that will contact us if gas levels in our house rise to a dangerous level and they might kill our caged friend Jonti.
( magnum, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:23, archived)

Perform a social experiment:
don't buy your round for a month and chart your relationships.
( Kamikaze Stoat £4.09, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:25, archived)

I've tried it.
No one complains when you're there, but they do stop inviting you out, so you just have to do a bit of extra research to find what pubs people are in.
( Newington, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:32, archived)

go on a rampage of subtle social subversion
walk around your town - moving benchs to face mecca - put brown bottles in the green bottle bank - feed the ducks strange bread - photo results !
( connor, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:27, archived)

updated random b3ta uplaod project result thingy

CLICKY!

and dont expect to understand anything you see
( sex and dougs and rock n roll, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:46, archived)

For Zak
I did'nt know about this place
(stefd I HAVE RETURNED ..... And i brought cake, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:50, archived)

Gaz! IM me!

( supermoore: HUNG, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:51, archived)

You didn't know
where to put apostrophes either, I see.
( Comma, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:53, archived)

What are
apostrophes
(stefd I HAVE RETURNED ..... And i brought cake, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:53, archived)

they're rubber rings with nobbles on
that you put round your cock before you bumlove somebody
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:04, archived)

Welcome.
Beware the bumlovers though.
( Nimble Colin camera-wrangling, globe-trotting whisky enthusiast, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:54, archived)

I love the bum
not a mans though, ok maybe a little
(stefd I HAVE RETURNED ..... And i brought cake, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:57, archived)

*Straps on the chast-o-matic 5000 man-belt*

None of you fuckers are going to bum rape me.

Bring it on!

*dances provocatively*
( Nimble Colin camera-wrangling, globe-trotting whisky enthusiast, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:58, archived)

benny is not around
so you are safe
for the moment
*closes eyes and turns away*
( Giant bunny jumping out like a large happy tourettes rabbit, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:59, archived)

I am...
But unlike the other one I'm not prone to voilents burst of bumrape.

Ah screw it...

*Bumrapes*
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:02, archived)

*simultaneously bumrapes*
Yaaaaaay! Bumrape conga!
( TV's Nosemonkey, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:04, archived)

step onboard the man train

( comrade yannovski and then, of course, there was the schnapps monkey, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:04, archived)

Ha
who would want to rape nosemonkey exept benny?
( Giant bunny jumping out like a large happy tourettes rabbit, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:06, archived)

It's not a question of wanting to
it's a case of having to. I don't know why though.
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:08, archived)

moving into areas
i dont really want to give a great deal of thought to ;)
( comrade yannovski and then, of course, there was the schnapps monkey, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:08, archived)

Yes
lets just drop the subject and back away slowly
( Giant bunny jumping out like a large happy tourettes rabbit, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:10, archived)

*stands poised and waiting behind Giant Bunny*

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:16, archived)

ITS A TRAP
/ackbar
( comrade yannovski and then, of course, there was the schnapps monkey, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:23, archived)

Oi!
If you had the equipment you'd never be able to restrain yourself, and you know it.
( TV's Nosemonkey, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:11, archived)

I can barley restrain myself now

( Giant bunny jumping out like a large happy tourettes rabbit, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:12, archived)

Hurrah!
*proffers bloodied and sagging ringpiece*
( TV's Nosemonkey, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:14, archived)

*takes nosemonkey to hospital to have him patched up
and get one of those new fangled revirgination operations*
( Giant bunny jumping out like a large happy tourettes rabbit, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:16, archived)

revirgi what now?

( Nimble Colin camera-wrangling, globe-trotting whisky enthusiast, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:18, archived)

many things on b3ta have been unpleasant
but the image i now have in my head ranks in the top 3

(and other two dont count)
( comrade yannovski and then, of course, there was the schnapps monkey, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:17, archived)

Hurrah!

( TV's Nosemonkey, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:19, archived)

*Bums*
Hurrah!
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:17, archived)

Let's play
Lucky Pierre!
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:06, archived)

Oi
*Spangs BTTAT repeatedly with a hot frying pan*

No bumrape* for me
I'm a lady don't you know!

or rape of anykind
( Giant bunny jumping out like a large happy tourettes rabbit, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:04, archived)

GRRR!
You're no fun!
*Sulks*
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:08, archived)

Well you will just have to pay for all the vodka
like everyone else
( Giant bunny jumping out like a large happy tourettes rabbit, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:11, archived)

Can't I distill my own?



/cheapskate
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:16, archived)

*Ninja Bumrape*
ha ha got you.
(generalname, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:59, archived)

Bumtron 2001

( coco, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:04, archived)

Slow huh?
What was the last cd you listened to, either at home or work?
No lying to be cool though.
Mine at work now is an acoustic tracks compilation I made, and at home last night an old school Electro compilation.
www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B0001CVAHE/qid=1094824260/sr=2-1/ref=sr_2_11_1/026-0194637-5960457
( Hankster, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:50, archived)

"Straight outa Compton" by NWA.
It's on at the moment actually.
( supermoore: HUNG, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:52, archived)

old-ass nigga

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:55, archived)

ahhh
when hip-hop was good
( comrade yannovski and then, of course, there was the schnapps monkey, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:55, archived)

retro hip cool

( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:56, archived)

currently playing:
rival schools - united by fate - 07 - world invitational

edit: verify here

edit edit: it's changed now
( sex and dougs and rock n roll, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:52, archived)

twas
believe by disturbed

*edit* oh, and last night at home Morning View by Incubus
( comrade yannovski and then, of course, there was the schnapps monkey, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:52, archived)

Ooh nice
I like them
( Hankster, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:53, archived)

the whole christian metal thing
used to bother me, but i just tend to ignore the lyrics and get on with it*


*whatever it may be
( comrade yannovski and then, of course, there was the schnapps monkey, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:54, archived)

Currently Playing:
Spineshank
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:53, archived)

I am currently ripping my CDs systematically
I am on "m" and have just ripped/listened to Mogwai's Rock action.
( Wasp Box like a nervous random stranger at a glory hole, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:53, archived)

The Bikini Beach Band Leave Home.
Lovely, but a million billion times better live.
( Comma, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:53, archived)

france gall
poupée de son

and the delays faded seaside glamour

but now that you've mentioned old skool electro I will be searching out my captain rock cassette

edit: bollocks to that - I've just found planet rock by soul sonic force and afrika bambaata! I may just cream.

edit edit: and I've just one-clicked that compilation ... wikki wikki wikki wikki wikki wikki ...
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:54, archived)

Ten Years After
by Ten Years after. At home. Last night. Before that it was A Hard Road by John Mayall's Blues Breakers.
( Nimble Colin camera-wrangling, globe-trotting whisky enthusiast, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:56, archived)

Kasabian- Kasabian
fucking brilliant it is too.
(generalname, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:58, archived)

The Darkness
Permission to Land

*Air guitars*
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:01, archived)

You dirty spandex bastard.
That's not music.
( Nimble Colin camera-wrangling, globe-trotting whisky enthusiast, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:03, archived)

It is the acest!
Can play instruments - Check
Can write their own songs - Check
Grow their own hair - Check
RAWK - CHECK!!! *Air Guitar solo*
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:24, archived)

Black Sabbath-Black Sabbath
good. More like blues than heavy metal.
( Newington, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:01, archived)

But none the worse for it.

( Nimble Colin camera-wrangling, globe-trotting whisky enthusiast, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:04, archived)

ballboy
the sash my father wore and other stories

this morning
( coco, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:04, archived)

The Matthew Herbert Big Band album
the name of which I forget. It's rather good. But it was about 3 weeks ago.
I don't listen to music much.
( TV's Nosemonkey, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 15:05, archived)

This weeks question.
Did they just change it to sickest? It surely must have said shittest up till now.
( Jay, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:06, archived)

The vast majority of them are woefully poor.
Also, some people seem to have "sick" confused with not only "shit" but also "racist".
( supermoore: HUNG, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:08, archived)

and repetitive

( Giant bunny jumping out like a large happy tourettes rabbit, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:08, archived)

Also, some people seem to have "sick" confused with not only "shit" but also "racist".
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:09, archived)

www.b3ta.com/talk/26966
( sex and dougs and rock n roll, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:10, archived)

www.b3ta.com/talk/26957
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:13, archived)

But why shouldn't racism
fall into the category of 'sick'?
( Comma, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:13, archived)

people who make jokes about dropping babies into acid
very rarely turn out to be serial killers
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:17, archived)

And more importantly
the point of joke punchlines is the amusement value inherent in not knowing what the outcome will be. Racist jokes are just boring. We all know darkies are inferior.*


* /getting into the spirit of the question
( TV's Nosemonkey, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:25, archived)

ha

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:33, archived)

Pfft
Send 'em all 'ome

/Mail
( Hankster, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:40, archived)

nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
we might set a precedent and get all the australians back in exchange

/racism is OK if it's aimed at beetroot-faced cork-hatted antipodeans
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:42, archived)

what's 'ome
when it's at home
( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:43, archived)

'ome
is where you 'ang your 'at.
( Tiggy Twitchin', Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:47, archived)

'ang my 'at
didn't he direct the hulk
( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:50, archived)

oy!
didn't we go over this yesterday?
;)
( Zak McFlimby Twibbling @McFlimby, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:54, archived)

no, has always been sickest.

also, what do you think of the compo this week?

Personally I think they've opened a can of worms for shit entries as pretty much anything goes.
( newg rum n coke, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:08, archived)

You want a good compo
Suggest one and push it

But you never know what will come for one
The kenny loggins compo looked bad at first
but then SFN and others made some really good things
( Giant bunny jumping out like a large happy tourettes rabbit, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:10, archived)

everyweek sees shit entries though
I stopped wading through the mire ages ago. Just wait for the results now.
( Jay, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:12, archived)

Does it not say
your favourite joke containing the words "baby", "blender", "michael jackson" and "rape"?
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:08, archived)

you forgot
nigger.
I'd love to here some of these kids tell these jokes in public.
( Jay, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:11, archived)

I fear that 'kids' may be a little hopeful.
It's quite likely that a fair few of them are by people old enough to know better/be fully integrated into society without posting offensive bilge like that.
( Nimble Colin camera-wrangling, globe-trotting whisky enthusiast, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:14, archived)

in brixton
( sex and dougs and rock n roll, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:15, archived)

Hahahahahaha
Sell tickets and make a fortune.
( Nimble Colin camera-wrangling, globe-trotting whisky enthusiast, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:16, archived)

I didn't last time
www.b3ta.com/talk/26807

I'd have liked stories like "I accidentally told a joke about reaching top shelf porno mags in a room full of thalidomides" ... but it does seem to have descended into primary school playground.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:15, archived)

ok i have a geeky html type question... since there's been a few up here today.

is it right to love tables, and hate div's ?

what does current coding practice dictate regarding these elements ?

/always uses tables, never divs.

as for frames, well i see them as ok as long there's no scrollbars.
/hypocrite

edit: seems that there are still mixed opinions here. i think i'll try to make a div/css site and see if life gets any easier.
( sex and dougs and rock n roll, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:57, archived)

it's perfectly OK to love tables
as long as it is consensual and you take appropriate precautions against venereal diseases and splinters
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:00, archived)

Oh whore!

( Tiggy Twitchin', Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:02, archived)

Your muzzle!

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:04, archived)

your gay!

( Tiggy Twitchin', Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:09, archived)

*bumrapes*
Ahhh ... comme j'adore les "sloppy seconds"
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:12, archived)

i saw a porn once
where a guy cums in this birds bumhole and she squeezes it into a cup and drinks it.

*goes and finds cup*
( Tiggy Twitchin', Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:19, archived)

preferably the old school ones
with a recessed ink well.
( Jay, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:07, archived)

paedo

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:09, archived)

Tables suck ass.
They confuse search engines (mildly, admittedly), require shitloads of code to do a very simple job, and require you to edit every page of a site if you want to change the layout.

There's more, but I can't be arsed. Tables should be used for displaying tabulated data, and not for laying out web pages.

This has been a public service announcement on behalf of the W3C
( supermoore: HUNG, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:01, archived)

I respectfully disagree.
that is all.
( newg rum n coke, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:03, archived)

to be frank, if you desinged the site properly in the first place, you wouldn't need to change the layout.
( sex and dougs and rock n roll, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:09, archived)

So you build your site
and over 5-6 years you never ever want to change anything about the layout? Unlikely. What if you have a new product or service you want to add? Or a new dynamic feature? If it's in tables you probably have to scrap the lot.

Plus, all the format information has to load with every page instead of just cacheing from a CSS file once on your first hit.
( supermoore: HUNG, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:13, archived)

good information
and do you have bee in bonnet sydrome today sir
( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:52, archived)

web browsers for the blind
dont like you using tables

learnt that at uni dontcha know

you can tell because its such a pointless piece of information
( comrade yannovski and then, of course, there was the schnapps monkey, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:02, archived)

This is true
and an important consideration if you're taking money off someone to design a site.
( supermoore: HUNG, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:03, archived)

that really only applies
if you have shitloads of tables.

there's really no need to have any more than 4-5 tables on a page anyway.

/learnt that at college.
( newg rum n coke, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:06, archived)

There's really no need to have any.
:P
( supermoore: HUNG, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:07, archived)

what would you suggest as an alternative
for laying out your page?
( newg rum n coke, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:09, archived)

CSS

( supermoore: HUNG, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:11, archived)

ok, good dicussion
but strictly, do you mean that each part of the webpage would be enclosed in a DIV, and that each DIV part is assigned a class, then you use the CSS to specify the layout and properties of each class of DIV's ?

edit: how else would you split up the sections ?
( sex and dougs and rock n roll, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:19, archived)

For an example
look here: www.44media.com/whatwedo.html

which is controlled by this: www.44media.com/style.css

Not a table in sight. The source code is tiny.
( supermoore: HUNG, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:21, archived)

that's a yes then
ok, fair enough.
( sex and dougs and rock n roll, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:23, archived)

I remember the good old days of tables,
but do give css a chance.
I'm currently learning with the aid of this tutorial: veerle.duoh.com/comments.php?id=208_0_2_10_C
which am nice for blog-stylee sites.
I'm rather please by how it's turning out.
( Kamikaze Stoat £4.09, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:23, archived)

I love tables
best of all the elements, etc.

Div layers piss me off. 100% humble(ish) opinion.
( Newington, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:27, archived)

pinch a loaf boys and girls
crapmachine.com/

edit/ also, for those with sound:
users.abcs.com/townsend/Create-Fart.htm
( Tiggy Twitchin', Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:34, archived)

*checks list*
*bumrapes*

*ticks off on list*
( Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:36, archived)

OOF!

( Tiggy Twitchin', Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:38, archived)

you'll have to add a
'Has been bumraped' section to it now, or it's just not complete.

It's well done as it is though!
( Kamikaze Stoat £4.09, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:41, archived)

Well you don't have to add it

( Giant bunny jumping out like a large happy tourettes rabbit, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:50, archived)

haha
bet you can't catch me
*waddles off slowly with trousers around ankles*
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:45, archived)

I like a challenge...
*ties shoe laces together*

*waddles after*

*catches*

*bumrapes*

*ticks off list*
( Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:50, archived)

MMM......
classy.

:-D
( Mike Fishcake teamfishcake.co.uk - better than your mum's face, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:41, archived)

that is disgusting,
vile, and evil, all in one site.




I like it
( newg rum n coke, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:43, archived)

mmmmmm
tasty
:)
( MrSanity has maybe kicked the WoW habit forever, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:58, archived)

I currently have the Police Academy
theme tune running through my head.

Do do do do do doo da da da da da da de daa do do do do do do de de de de de de da da da da da da da daa...
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:24, archived)

ring ring ring ring ring ring ring
BANAPHONE..!!!


that should help shift it
( Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:25, archived)

Boo boo be doo be doo
Hurrah!

I mean ARRGH! CUNT!
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:26, archived)

Hurrah!!
My work here is done!!!!!
( Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:29, archived)

I don't think so
There're a mulitude of people here you haven't bumraped today.
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:30, archived)

*bumrapes*


Next!
( Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:33, archived)

Wrong....so very very wrong

( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:36, archived)

yay!
*opens WaveEdit and plays with speed of original song*
( Kamikaze Stoat £4.09, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:30, archived)

*Brain melts*

( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:30, archived)

noooooooooooooo
bastard
( MrSanity has maybe kicked the WoW habit forever, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:35, archived)

I can't remember what the tune goes
though I do remember it is whistly and drill-practice-esque.
That's got to be more annoying than having the tune in your head.
( Newington, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:32, archived)

It goes
Do do do do do doo da da da da da da de daa do do do do do do de de de de de de da da da da da da da daa...
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:33, archived)

Yeah
I remember the words, but not the tune
( Newington, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:36, archived)

*Whistles tune*
any help?
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:44, archived)

no no no
that's hawaii five-o
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:50, archived)

*awaits rest of poem*

( Newington, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:52, archived)

i just hear the great escape for some reason

( comrade yannovski and then, of course, there was the schnapps monkey, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:58, archived)

Maybe it's because you feel trapped?




/Freud
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:59, archived)

that could be true
but only 2 and half hours of work left and no girlfriend/wife so what could it be...
( comrade yannovski and then, of course, there was the schnapps monkey, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:00, archived)

the studded leather restraints
and buttplug?
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:03, archived)

feelin' a bit fick ...
anybody help me out with the syntax for posting images side by side on the message board ?

<img src="a.gif">&nbsp;<img src="b.gif">

... just bungs 'em on top of each other

ta !
(eitd, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:13, archived)

erm
try without the & n b s p ; ?
( Mike Fishcake teamfishcake.co.uk - better than your mum's face, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:15, archived)

nah, same thing
cheers, though
(eitd, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:17, archived)

Looks all right to me.
You sure you haven't typed a newline somewhere? They get turned to <br>'s, I think.
( Newington, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:20, archived)

nope, cheers though
looking at the preview, an extra / is added before the img tag's closing >

html looks OK locally - just goes a bit "Pete" when I try to preview

feck knows
(eitd, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:26, archived)

The extra /
is to make it valid XHTML: <img> is strictly an opening tag, it has to be closed either by </img> immediately afterwards or by changing it to <img/> (often rendered <img /> so as not to confuse old browsers which don't know what an img/ is.) I guess something on the server side needs submissions to be well-formed XHTML.

Have you tried with just nothing at all in between your two images, and including the / yourself so as not to invite the HTML cleaner script's tinkering?
People do put images together on the main board when they make tesselations, so I've no idea really, I'm really just guessing like you are... but good luck
( Newington, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:31, archived)

good call
on looking at the board code for a tesselation - ta
(eitd, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:38, archived)

*bumrapes*

( Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:21, archived)

umm...
that's exactly how you're supposed to do it. you sure you're not hitting return in your message between the two images?

<img src="http://www.b3ta.com/images/board_posticon.gif" /><img src="http://www.b3ta.com/images/board_posticon.gif" />

just tested and works
( robtoo is all out of gum, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:25, archived)

so it does ...
... how very odd

off to check what I've cacked up !
(eitd, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:27, archived)

it doesn't work in preview, for some reason,
but it usually works when on the board
( Kamikaze Stoat £4.09, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:29, archived)

aarrgghh - bloody html !
it's driving me up the wall as 15135s icons work a treat but as soon as I sub my images it goes wrong !

I was just trying not to knock people's work off the board as there's 3 of em

will try posting & hope that it works

cheers all
(eitd, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:32, archived)

it doesn't matter how big your post is.
The board has 15 threads on the main page (i think, not checked)

Your post will push only one off the bottom regardless of its length.
( newg rum n coke, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:46, archived)

ta
.
(eitd, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:49, archived)

I'm revising for an electrical safety lesson thing i'm taking at work.
This afternoon, i've got a one-hour session bringing myself up to speed on questions about electrical safety, and then I've got a test on Monday.

A Portable Appliance Testing course.

Just a few example questions (there are 80 in total, so i'm not going to type them all). I have answered most of these, I just thought I'd share them, so you can share in my pain.

3. Who should carry out electrical testing?
6. What function does a fuse have?
10. What is the purpose of doubly insulating an appliance?
22. On a standard UK Mains plug, which pin is the earth pin?
31. When carrying out a visual inspection, what are the ten main points to check?32. What action should be taken if an appliance fails at any stage of the testing procedure?
38. What sort of loads cause surge currents?
39. Show the relationship between Power, Voltage and Current.
43. How can the quality of an earting network be measured?
51. Is it permited to touch an appliace during certain tests?
58. What considerations should be taken when selecting an earth test point?
59. What does an insulation test check?
64. What does a flash test measure?
71. What is leakeage current?

Such fun. So much fun I may indeed shit myself with glee.
( Mike Fishcake teamfishcake.co.uk - better than your mum's face, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:03, archived)

Will you cook my dinner for me? My parents aren't around and I'm not allowed to turn on the stove

( Hankster, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:04, archived)

Yeah ok.
Where do you live?
( Mike Fishcake teamfishcake.co.uk - better than your mum's face, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:05, archived)

I found a moonrock in my nose

( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:07, archived)

My cat's breath smells like cat food.

( Mike Fishcake teamfishcake.co.uk - better than your mum's face, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:10, archived)

That's where I saw the Leprechaun
He told me to burn things
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:14, archived)

Yeh knows what to do now, boy!
Born them all!
( Newington, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:15, archived)

Everyone's hugging!

( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:25, archived)

yes supernintendo chalmers

( comrade yannovski and then, of course, there was the schnapps monkey, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:28, archived)

ooh let me do one
i ated the purple berries


they taste like burning
( The Incredible... accident free since, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:45, archived)

My knob tastes funny!


"Please refarin from tasting the knobs"
( newg rum n coke, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:50, archived)

marmots eh?

( Tiggy Twitchin', Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:08, archived)

im learning to love shitting myself with glee.
and you should too!
( Tiggy Twitchin', Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:04, archived)

81: What voltage is required to kill an average
a: human being
b: marmot
c: piece of cheese
( Dave - KneHigHbOb talks, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:12, archived)

The average human being
is already dead.

100% fact.
( Newington, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:41, archived)

3. Go to a pub. You're bound to meet a man there who'll do it for a fiver. If the man has a beard, a dodgy tattoo, and prosthetic hands made of copper, all the better.

6. self.melt()

10. You can charge twice as much for your time.

22. It's in between the drawing pin and the Kingpin.

31. Your eyes are open. The side of your head facing the equipment to be tested is the side with your eyes on. You are wearing any prescription spectacles or contact lenses.

32. Leap thirty feet in the air, glow yellow and make your skeleton visible, and assume a Bride-of-Frankenstein hairdo.

38. Giant raisins.

51. Hell yeah, how else you gonna test it?

59. Diabetes.

64. Violation of indecent exposure laws.
( Newington, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:14, archived)

*cackle*
Maybe I should give comedy answers to the ones i've got no chance of guessing :-D
( Mike Fishcake teamfishcake.co.uk - better than your mum's face, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:16, archived)

right. anybody got any tips on making extra cash
around a full-time job

which doesnt involve bar or restaurant work?

edit/ sex for a tenner. takers?
( Tiggy Twitchin', Fri 10 Sep 2004, 12:46, archived)

Prostitution

( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 12:46, archived)

Freelance journalism.

( supermoore: HUNG, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 12:48, archived)

punctuation police
?
( Tiggy Twitchin', Fri 10 Sep 2004, 12:53, archived)

Seconded
£300 for two hours' work. Sorted.
( TV's Nosemonkey, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:05, archived)

thats pretty good.

( Tiggy Twitchin', Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:07, archived)

No it's not
that's why it only took two hours and they never asked me to do anything for them again...
( TV's Nosemonkey, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:08, archived)

better than kick in the gonads!

( Tiggy Twitchin', Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:09, archived)

Wanking off old men in filthy bogs for ten quid a trick

( Hankster, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 12:53, archived)

you askin'?

( Tiggy Twitchin', Fri 10 Sep 2004, 12:53, archived)

You can't afford me you bitch

( Hankster, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 12:56, archived)

*slaps back of neck*

( Tiggy Twitchin', Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:02, archived)

I shall return the tip
that someone suggested when I asked this question a few days ago:

one word, pimping.
( Gnoll, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 12:57, archived)

One of my colleagues is a true expert
on the art of insurance and compensation scams and there is money to be had if you are inclined. But I wouldn't condone that sort of thing.
( Nimble Colin camera-wrangling, globe-trotting whisky enthusiast, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 12:59, archived)

You could try one of the following
*gratuitous link plug*

Click like a bitch
( Mike Fishcake teamfishcake.co.uk - better than your mum's face, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:07, archived)

*checks calendar*
Hurrah!!


*bumrapes*

'noon all!!
( Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 12:45, archived)

*Winces*
I'm a bit sore from all this today but...HURRAH!

'Noon to you, sir
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 12:46, archived)

I've got a bit of a turtle's head
doubt you'd wanting to bum rape me

*off to the shitter*
(generalname, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 12:49, archived)

Would you like me to push that stool in for you?




/polite
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 12:55, archived)

Nah,
just dropped the kids off at the pool. I feel about a stone lighter now.

\brash
(generalname, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 12:59, archived)

Fair enough
Who wants dented poo anyway.

A stone you say. That's quite some crimping - well done!
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:02, archived)

It was removing
all the lager and the kebab from last night. My guts work damn quick.
(generalname, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:03, archived)

Lucky you
I just end up with fizzy gravy for about 12 hours. Makes for some intersted Rorschach (sp?) patterns on the bowl though.
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:05, archived)

Nice
supose you could look at the patterns and say what you see, rather like inkblots.

New idea: take pictures of your shit and create a website. Then ask people what they see in it. Then profit.
(generalname, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:06, archived)

Or....
I remember at school we used to paint one side of a piece of A3 paper, fold it over then open it up to reveal a big beautiful butterfly...
( Mike Fishcake teamfishcake.co.uk - better than your mum's face, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:11, archived)

Now you see we always did that too
But I always used brown paint. Teacher made me sit in the corner a lot.
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:14, archived)

It could be another addition to
www.ratemypoo.com
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:15, archived)

YAy
Yo big gayer

*bumhugs*
( Hankster, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 12:50, archived)

good 'noon sir
*pulls up trousers*
( MrSanity has maybe kicked the WoW habit forever, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 12:54, archived)

Any more
where that came from?
( Mike Fishcake teamfishcake.co.uk - better than your mum's face, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 13:05, archived)