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# Kunt & The Gang Interview
I love the songs of Kunt & The Gang and have just been on the phone to him and he's agreed to a B3ta interview.

If you're going WHO? Then try youtube: www.youtube.com/kuntandthegang

Add your questions to this thread.
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 17:19, archived)
# Dear Kunt.
Can I have one of those polaroids of your ex girlfriend who died?

(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 17:20, archived)
# Fucking A!
Kunt and the Gang rock!

Kunt, and your gang, if you were to suck another blokes cock, and it can be anyone's, living or dead, whose would it be? And do you think you would like it this time?

Redsushi! 24 and 1 quarter.
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 17:21, archived)
# Who are you and why should I care?
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 17:22, archived)
# Not Safe for Work.
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 17:23, archived)
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 17:43, archived)
# I don't have a question
but thats fucking hilarious
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 17:22, archived)
# Why do you never play any major festivals?
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 17:22, archived)
# Dear Kurt

what's it like being the poor mans Goldie

/one stupid gold tooth blog
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 17:24, archived)
# What's the best way of attracting Spanish cats with huge bollocks?
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 17:25, archived)
# Do you play bar mitzvahs?
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 17:25, archived)
# Dear Kunt
How can I get hair as fabulous as yours?
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 17:26, archived)
# Wow
What a scoop
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 17:26, archived)
# Following on from Perverts on the Internet,
Who is your favourite pervert? On the internet or off.

Also, who is your favourite piece of Jailbait in history? Natalie Portman in Leon or Jodie Foster in Taxi Driver? Or maybe there are others?
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 17:26, archived)
# Emma Watson - harry potter
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 17:28, archived)
# *calls Dateline NBC*
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 17:29, archived)
# Natalie Portman was, what, 12-13 in Leon?
I think they might be interested in you too :)
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 17:31, archived)
# *runs away*
Ha ha ha! You can't catch me....
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 17:36, archived)
# Natalie Portman is the same age as me
therefore I am allowed to fancy her in Leon as I was the same age as her then and can refer to it as a teenage crush.

This logic cannot be faulted in any way
(, Fri 17 Jul 2009, 14:32, archived)
# I believe people were getting hot and bothered about that lazytown chick too
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 17:32, archived)
# You fucking pervert!
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 17:35, archived)
# I did the Olsen Twins
BEFORE they were famous
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 20:11, archived)
# and...
the girl in Hanson?
(, Fri 17 Jul 2009, 10:11, archived)
# If you had a fetish, what would it be?
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 17:28, archived)
# I have only masturbated once today
how many times have you masturbated today?
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 17:29, archived)
# hahaha this^^
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 17:34, archived)
# have you ever offended anyone in a really satisfying way?
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 17:30, archived)
# What is your greatest attribute,
and how does it help you in your day-to-day life?
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 17:31, archived)
# Bwahahahahaha!
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 17:37, archived)
# If you could get a good record deal, but had to tone down on the language in your songs, would you accept it?

(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 17:33, archived)
# Are you a dog or cat person?
I'm both. Apparently this is not really allowed.
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 17:35, archived)
# If you weren't called Kunt & the Gang, what would you be called?
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 17:35, archived)
# do the people of basildon apprieciate you?
failing that do you call it Bas-vegas like we do?
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 17:38, archived)
# If they'd asked you to perform your moving Michael Jackson tribute
at his Memorial Concert, would you have accepted?
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 17:40, archived)
# When was the last time you did a proper arms stretched out impression of a plane?
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 17:40, archived)
# If you could be anyone in the world, just for one day,
who would you kill?
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 17:40, archived)
# Who was your last wank over?
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 17:41, archived)
# If you were Richard Whitely,
and you came back from the dead, how would you eat your Creme Egg?
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 17:41, archived)
# Hi Mr. Kunt and Gang.
Who are you?
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 17:41, archived)
# As Rob explained in his post,
If you are asking who, click the link.
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 17:47, archived)
# As a rapist,
what is your favourite colour of Midget Gem?
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 17:42, archived)
# my questions - I know it looks mad replying to myself but Kunt won't see them overwise
Tell me about one of your songs that started as a true story?
Is the gold tooth real?
What job's have you done in the past?
How does being called "Kunt" effect your chances of commercial success?
What do you think of famous people?
Have you ever met Carol Vordermnn?
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 17:42, archived)
# Affect ;)
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 17:46, archived)
# The guy's called Kunt and the gang
I doubt he gives a shit about grammar
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 17:54, archived)
# arf
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 18:01, archived)
# you are right
and I thank you for pointing out a spelling error on the internet. You have brought sunshine and joy into my life.
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 18:03, archived)
# Damn right bitch ;)
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 18:36, archived)
# Better not mention the stray apostrophe either....
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 21:03, archived)
# Dear Kunt,
that's an interesting name.
How did you come up with it?
Is it a reference to anything in popular culture, or did you just make it up?
As I said, it's pretty interesting.
Take care now,
ClanSoul. x
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 17:42, archived)
# I fear this may not be intended as a joke.
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 23:41, archived)
# Kunt,
What is your biggest vice? Drinking? Smoking? Sucking other blokes' dicks? Heroin? Or maybe something else?
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 17:46, archived)
# Have you ever met Kool
from that other gang? He's called Robert Bell in real life.
If so, does he like your stuff?

Oh, and are you in a real gang? Like, with a hideout and passwords and stuff...
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 17:46, archived)
# Have you ever thought of entering the Eurovision Song Contest?
If not, have you ever thought of entering Carol Smillie?
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 17:50, archived)
# Did you watch space shuttle endeavour launch on wednesday night?
I did and it was awesome
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 17:51, archived)
# Dear Kunt
What's your favourite song you done written
What is your favourite song someone else made
Can you/will you do a cover of that song in a kunt & the gang style?
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 17:51, archived)
# Boxers or briefs?
What colour?

edit: oh, I just saw the video. Ignore that.
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 17:54, archived)
# Dear Kunt,
Do you like dolphins? I like dolphins but not as much as horses.
Do you think seaworld should have horses?
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 17:55, archived)
# Dear Kunt
Why do you wear that wig ? What are you hiding underneath that sheath?
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 17:57, archived)
# Teach me how to make my hair as sexy as you.
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 18:20, archived)
# Daddy or chips?
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 18:27, archived)
# Hometown
Do you feel your music is the natural progression of the other Basildon boys done good Depeche Mode and have they offered you a support slot on their forthcoming shows?
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 18:47, archived)
# Kunt
What, in your opinion, is the best way to remove an ocelot from someone's ascending colon?

A totally hypothetical query, you understand, but one which I could do with a reply for rather urgently, as the bastard thing is starting to scratch like mad, and I need to have a shit quite desperately.
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 18:54, archived)
# Did you try to titilate the ocelot?
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 21:47, archived)
# I'm looking for a good book to read
have you any suggestions?
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 18:55, archived)
# when did you first become interested in <what it is you do>
and why
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 18:56, archived)
# Carol Vorderman or chips?
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 19:02, archived)
# also my pal will said you tasted like beefy wheat crunchies. discuss
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 19:19, archived)
# Is Little Kunt supposed to be your son?
And do you keep him on when you masturbate?
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 19:06, archived)
# If you watch the documentary on him...
He's his non identical symbiotic twin..
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 20:28, archived)
# Please can you suggest a good torrent for your albums?
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 19:15, archived)
# What can you possibly call your next album?
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 19:17, archived)
# What's your favourite insult?
and I live near Basildon - should I be scared?
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 19:24, archived)
# Are fred and rose your favorite serial killers?
or do you prefer Dennis Nilson?
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 19:29, archived)
# Nilsen *cough*
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 21:59, archived)
# Who else do you think we would like?
Also, will you suck me off?
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 19:42, archived)
# Dear Mr Kunt
Can you sing "Database Latency" in a deep voice please?
Ours is too high.
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 19:53, archived)
# Dear Kunt & The Gang,
Would you like to see a picture of me having a wank over a picture of your mum?

(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 20:01, archived)
# Dear Kunt & The Gang,
I just listened to one of your songs. How will you go about giving me back the 3 minutes of my life you stole?

Love, JackAction.
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 20:11, archived)
# Kunt, aren't you the ginger bloke off Pimp my Ride UK?
Also, how long did it take you to save up for the awesome keyboard in "Perverts"? Or did your mum get you it for Christmas?
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 20:14, archived)
# Kunt
If you were in an accident and had to have any animal grafted to your body to save your life, what animal would it be?
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 20:16, archived)
# Bit obvious...
Who in your gang is the the biggest kunt and why?
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 20:24, archived)
# Is it true that Little Kunt
Is planning a solo album of Glitter covers?
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 21:03, archived)
# What else have people used your arsehole as?
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 21:05, archived)
# Great guy!
Ive been in one of Kunt's videos. And i didnt have to suck him off. Well, not much.

My question is, where can i buy Kunt merchandice? Is there a "real doll" version of Little Kunt?
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 21:39, archived)
# Hello Mr Kunt
I love your Fred and Rose opus, will you be doing anymore ditties about serial killers, and if so, who about?
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 21:56, archived)
# And what's stopping you from entering Britain's got talent?
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 21:57, archived)

Oh, a hundred times ^this!
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 22:50, archived)
# Dear Mr Kunt,

I am writing to you to inform your very good self that I do most sincerely and greatly enjoy your humble videos.
They really do make me laugh most appallingly like a drain.

However do you feel that you are an appropriate entertainer for an innocent girly like me?
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 22:10, archived)
# Dear Kunt
What would you rather be for a day - an ugly girl or a hot ladyboy?
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 22:49, archived)
# Have you guys ever thought about making a musical?
Because it'd be a joy, I'm sure. And an internet sensation! Sort of like Dr Horrible's Sing Along Blog, but with profanity and knobs and stuff.
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 22:52, archived)
# can you write a song that involves
swine flu, wanking and terrorists?
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 22:52, archived)
* Have your parents ever heard your songs?
* If you were asked to do Eurovision, what would you call your entry?
* Do you think glitter beat could ever make a comeback?
* Have you ever been offended by a joke?
* Do you swear in front of your relatives?
* If you apply for a day job, do you mention Kunt and The Gang on your CV?
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 23:09, archived)
# Kunt,
I am in Southend and sometimes you are in Southend, or you have been, and you are in Basildon and I go past Basildon sometimes.
Should I stop to take in the sights? Or not?
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 23:16, archived)
# kunt
comfort or style?
(, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 23:24, archived)
# Slade or Quo?
(, Fri 17 Jul 2009, 0:00, archived)
# Do you think that we have come to an harmonious cul-de-sac...
...and would a better contrapuntal technique improve music in general?
(, Fri 17 Jul 2009, 0:01, archived)
# What song would you like played at
your funeral? One of your own, or...whose?
(, Fri 17 Jul 2009, 0:56, archived)
# So, Mr Kunt
Fess up, you're Lady Gaga without the soft focus aren't you?
(, Fri 17 Jul 2009, 0:58, archived)
# Dear Mr. Kunt
do you realize that gangs are a serious threat and a menace to society? how did yours get started?
also, have you considered making some extra cash at your local sperm bank?
(, Fri 17 Jul 2009, 1:10, archived)
live dog, or dead lady?
(, Fri 17 Jul 2009, 1:24, archived)
# Dear Mr Kunt
If you changed your name to something more radio friendly, say "Count and his Friends", wouldn't you stand a better chance of getting played on 107.2 FM The Wyre, Kidderminster? Also, you would have to change both the name and content of most of your songs.
Cumquat May
(, Fri 17 Jul 2009, 2:48, archived)
# I've not heard of you or listened to you, but why should I?
(, Fri 17 Jul 2009, 3:42, archived)
# Deat Kunt
You must be the only band to have produced a sweary Chas and Dave cover / rip-off. Are you big fans of the Rockney masters?
(, Fri 17 Jul 2009, 4:54, archived)
# casio VL-tone
in one of your videos i think i saw you playing a casio VL-tone keyboard. Despite its small size and cheap sound, it's actually quite a cult device. One website says, "the simple cheesy sounds of the VL-Tone have been used by Apollo 440, Devo, the Talking Heads, the Cars, Dee-Lite, Sting, Stevie Wonder, Vince Clarke, Beastie Boys, The Human League, Trio, White Town, and Bill Nelson."

What made you choose this particular instrument?

(, Fri 17 Jul 2009, 6:47, archived)
# what is your favorite haiku?
(, Fri 17 Jul 2009, 7:43, archived)
# 'Wild and Peaceful' really was one of the best dance albums of the seventies
but what was the inspiration after some hardcore funk on the A side (Funky stuff) for the wonderful jazz funk on the B side ("Life Is What You Make It", "Wild and Peaceful")?

(, Fri 17 Jul 2009, 10:14, archived)
# Do you reckon you could beat Katy Brand in a fight?
(, Fri 17 Jul 2009, 12:20, archived)
# Yay
If you had to choose between going down on Margaret Thatcher or Gordon Brown, who'd you choose?
(, Fri 17 Jul 2009, 12:47, archived)
# Dear Kunt
Could you set me up with your mum?
(, Fri 17 Jul 2009, 13:10, archived)
# Ladyboys
would you do 'em?

Also, what are your opinions on dwarf porn?
(, Fri 17 Jul 2009, 13:10, archived)
# Dear Mr Kunt
I heard that there was this ninja who was eating at a diner. And when some dude dropped a spoon the ninja killed the entire town. My friend Mark said that he saw a ninja totally uppercut some kid just because the kid opened a window

But seriously, what are your thoughts on Platonic epistemology?
(, Fri 17 Jul 2009, 13:14, archived)
# Holidays
When are you coming to Cornwall?

You haven't done a song about your holidays yet and we all know you Essex crowd head down to Newquay, catch crabs from the locals and leave with sunburn and a nastly little itch.

First two weeks in August?
(, Fri 17 Jul 2009, 14:14, archived)
# Dearest Kunt,
How long could you survive on a diet of only shit, piss and cum?
(, Fri 17 Jul 2009, 14:15, archived)
# What
did you tell your mums was the name of your band? Do you not feel a tiny bit bad when at family do's and having to tell grandma what your band is called?
(, Fri 17 Jul 2009, 16:29, archived)
# If God offered you Stretch Armstong / Dhalsim off Street Fighter 2 Turbo-esque stretching / reaching powers...
but said you could only use them for purposes of child molestation, would you accept them, or would you feel too pressured into it?
(, Fri 17 Jul 2009, 16:29, archived)
# When are you touring ?
(, Fri 17 Jul 2009, 19:18, archived)
# Dear Kunt,
When do you believe the Treasury's fiscal stimulus should be wound down?
(, Fri 17 Jul 2009, 21:11, archived)
# Who have been your biggest musical influences?
(, Fri 17 Jul 2009, 21:44, archived)
# You Kunt
I've never seen the Gang.

Who are they, why have you pushed them out of the limelight? Don't you realise that they helped you get where you are and now you just stab them in the back? Stardom gone to your head you bastage?

It's always the same in the fame game.

(, Sat 18 Jul 2009, 2:33, archived)
# Dear Kunt,
Have you thought about doing a tour throughout Israel and Palestine in the name of peace?

(If so get in touch and I'll see if I can sort you out; flights are cheap at the moment!)
(, Sat 18 Jul 2009, 2:39, archived)
# What's it like to take a shot in the mouth?
And did you cup the balls properly?
(, Sat 18 Jul 2009, 3:13, archived)
# Go on then, just this once...
You clearly draw from many and varied sources, serial killers, kiddie fiddlers, wanking, all the usual stuff we expect from a top rated artist, but have you ever tried composing songs around more outlandish subjects that you considered too touchy or offensive to release?

Your #2 fan, VicJameson.
(, Sat 18 Jul 2009, 3:33, archived)
# Is that a wig?
(, Sat 18 Jul 2009, 10:47, archived)
# Mr Kunt
Plato once said "Astronomy compels the soul to look upwards and leads us from this world to another".

With this in mind, does your cock have any humorous deformities?
(, Sat 18 Jul 2009, 12:22, archived)
# Dear Kunt;
kippers: hot- or cold-smoked?
(, Sat 18 Jul 2009, 13:31, archived)
# Have you ever been to Hemel?
Is it weird that everything's the same as Basildon but different?
(, Sat 18 Jul 2009, 16:53, archived)
# If you had one wish...
would it be to shoot your load into Madeline McCann?
(, Sat 18 Jul 2009, 20:53, archived)
Does your mum approve of all this?
(, Sat 18 Jul 2009, 21:38, archived)
# Corrie?
What is going on with all the references to Coronation Street?
(, Sat 18 Jul 2009, 22:27, archived)
# Dear Kunt
I don't know who you are, but I really wanted to have some input to this.
Would you like some toast?
(, Sun 19 Jul 2009, 2:08, archived)
# ok ok
1. What's the upper age boundary for someone who you would (i) choose, (ii) want to shit on?
2. Would you do Eurovision? Which song do you think would work the best?
3. Who is your idol?
4. How do I book you for my toddler's birthday party? Do you do other forms of entertainment?
5. Does the tip of your penis hang lower than your scrotum?
(, Sun 19 Jul 2009, 12:08, archived)
# Kunt
Would you consider changing the name of your act to something that didn't contain the word kunt if it meant that you'd get to be on telly?
(, Mon 20 Jul 2009, 8:55, archived)
# Mr. Kunt,
In Carol Vorderman you say you like a finger up the bum, but on Fred and Rose you deny this. So do you or do you not prefer a finger in the brown during masturbation??
(, Mon 20 Jul 2009, 14:05, archived)
# Quo or Slade?
(, Tue 21 Jul 2009, 21:29, archived)