Newsletterb3ta.com/newsletter/issue520/
And if you'd like a question, "How old are you?"
(And if you'd like a question, "How old are you?"
rob,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:53,
archived)
Cheers Rob.14th March?
(
Wasp Box like a nervous random stranger at a glory hole,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:55,
archived)
living in a world wheresteak and a blow jobs are for every day.
(
LordManley twitter.com/LordManley,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 15:10,
archived)
Your lips must have callouses like a docker's heel
Michael Ellis contributes nothing,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 19:23,
archived)
. . . or you're not coming in. LordManley twitter.com/LordManley,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 20:02,
archived)
In that case I'm 27...yeah, 27...
( Wasp Box like a nervous random stranger at a glory hole,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 15:28,
archived)
HamtoucherI actually took the time to log in on a shared machine in a meeting room to type this. I need to get out more.
( LordManley twitter.com/LordManley,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:56,
archived)
Age?I am 37.
I was going to write something zany, but I couldn't be arsed.
[EDIT: Bollocks - I am actually 36].
(I was going to write something zany, but I couldn't be arsed.
[EDIT: Bollocks - I am actually 36].
LordManley twitter.com/LordManley,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:57,
archived)
Cheers RobI will be 42 this year. Fucking hell, eh?
(
Smallbrainfield,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:57,
archived)
59 in April and I expect a card.
Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet.,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 15:01,
archived)
How old do you think I am?*flutters eyelashes coquettishly*
(
Photoshop Bitch 2014 edition,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 15:07,
archived)
I think it is 'unlucky for sum'because prime numbers are rubbish in Maths.
( LordManley twitter.com/LordManley,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 15:13,
archived)
47yr old trucker called Dave.
FeralCatMan Unusual disease collector.,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 15:22,
archived)
Chronological or mental? FeralCatMan Unusual disease collector.,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 15:23,
archived)
cheers rob,and 35.
(
The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 15:47,
archived)
b3ta is making me age rapidlyI was 29 when I joined and suddenly I'm now 38!
(
Haku Orange Whip? Orange Whip? Three Orange Whips.,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 16:25,
archived)
hang on, let me just cut myself in half so I can count the rings...
(
theoriginalsteve <this space intentionally left blank>,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 16:33,
archived)
Yay I win at Image Challenge - do I win any internets?(Age: (at my age I don't care anymore it's just numbers) 45 and 3/4)
( maiden is filmed before a live studio audience,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 16:51,
archived)
That is really rather lovely. LordManley twitter.com/LordManley,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:57,
archived)
I would watch thiswalls need pointing
( The Scrunt Wants a Dozen Pints,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:45,
archived)
I'm pointing at a wall right now Wasp Box like a nervous random stranger at a glory hole,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:46,
archived)
you're hanging out your strap on on the line to dryover same wall?
( The Scrunt Wants a Dozen Pints,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 15:02,
archived)
Well it's about as entertaining as Masterchef ever gets, at any rate
(
emvee cruor deo cruoris,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:51,
archived)
hah, greg looks like a mate of mine and he is a brickie:)
(
Ham o' Shatner -.-- --- ..- .-. / .- .-.. .-.. / --. .- -.--,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:52,
archived)
He loves the brick, brick, brick,He loves the classic red building brick.
( yanmania... last shagged your mum on,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:54,
archived)
HahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaTrim with me if you want to live...
WOO
(WOO
Ninj,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:24,
archived)
YA TINK DIS IS DA REAL GARDNER?it might be!
(
(|D[ekionplexis B3ta.com: fictional child porn is OK,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:27,
archived)
topiary!
h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega..,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:32,
archived)
this is class Ham o' Shatner -.-- --- ..- .-. / .- .-.. .-.. / --. .- -.--,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:36,
archived)
HahahaSuperb. Loving these.
( taters Bah weep grahnah weep ninibong,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 15:49,
archived)
![[challenge entry]](/images/board_posticon_c.gif "Challenge Entry: Beasts of War"){kind=small}
Sorry for being a Boring shit.jpg)
dazbrilliantwhites has been meaning to change this...,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:14,
archived)
but...but...war has never been so much fun according to Cannon Fodder h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega..,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:15,
archived)
awesome game, is there an online version anywhere? HappyToast Groat froth,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:16,
archived)
Flounces in disgust!Edit:
Sudden wavy lines back to mega drive and understands.
(Sudden wavy lines back to mega drive and understands.
dazbrilliantwhites has been meaning to change this...,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:18,
archived)
don't think I've ever tried to find one but I bet there isOr get an Amiga emulator
( h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega..,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:19,
archived)
found a sega version, but that's not mouse controlled, which is daft and a dosbox one that's not giving me any sound :(
( HappyToast Groat froth,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:23,
archived)
I struggle to use dosbox I'm trying to get Theme Park to work but it runs far too fast, then if I slow down the cycles it becomes unplayable
( h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega..,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 16:28,
archived)
Amiga emulators (at least in the early days) were well oddYears ago, I had a friend come round to try to copy the ROM from my A600 as he could get the rest of the emulator from the webs, but the ROM was still under copyright or some such bollocks
( emvee cruor deo cruoris,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:24,
archived)
Huh, seems not much has changed in the interim(
emvee cruor deo cruoris,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:30,
archived)
Look at Amiga Forever from Cloanto, I think you get free, legit roms for Kickstart 1.3 through 3.1 supplied on the discAlso: anyone remember Amiga Format's Christmas coverdisk one year, Cannon Soccer? That was some inspired game-crossover silliness :D
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:50,
archived)
I still have my A600 if I was that bothered to play Superfrog or Robocod
(
emvee cruor deo cruoris,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:54,
archived)
I can only find poor clones of it But the PC version is available on many Abandonware download sites
( h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega..,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:34,
archived)
STOPIn the naaaame of Fuck be-fore you breeeak ma fuuuck.
( (|D[ekionplexis B3ta.com: fictional child porn is OK,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:05,
archived)
FUCK DELUXE
(|D[ekionplexis B3ta.com: fictional child porn is OK,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:17,
archived)
you've outfucked me using the gif I made ages ago!
h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega..,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:23,
archived)
i know, I took it and fucked itschnarf, schnarf
( (|D[ekionplexis B3ta.com: fictional child porn is OK,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:25,
archived)
*shakes fist* h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega..,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:29,
archived)
I would pay good money to see the Beastie Midgets h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega..,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:08,
archived)
IT"S A B3TA NEWSLETTER COMPETITION - CAPITAL by JOHN LANCHESTER - 5 SIGNED copies to be wonSimply answer this question in 50 words or less, "What will your life be like in 2021?" Best answers, according to our cabal of sinister judges, will get the books.
It's actually a really great - they sent me through a copy and I read it. Then I raved about it and my wife read it. All about a street in London just after the financial collapse of 2008.
If you don't want to win a copy you can buy it directly here on Amazon.
(It's actually a really great - they sent me through a copy and I read it. Then I raved about it and my wife read it. All about a street in London just after the financial collapse of 2008.
If you don't want to win a copy you can buy it directly here on Amazon.
rob,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:47,
archived)
Cornflakes, cornflakes, cornflakes, cornflakes, cornflakes,cornflakes, cornflakes, cornflakes, cornflakes, cornflakes.
( Smallbrainfield,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:47,
archived)
I don't think you're trying any more Wasp Box like a nervous random stranger at a glory hole,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:54,
archived)
I dunno, just seems to lack the passion and drive it once hadthe creative nuances and subtle wordplays are now notable on their absence and the ending is weaker than I'd expect.
( Wasp Box like a nervous random stranger at a glory hole,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:02,
archived)
You just wait 'til he's giving away a years supply of cornflakes,it'll be a shoe-in.
( Smallbrainfield,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:04,
archived)
cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, possibly.
(
mr horrible up yours, dickface,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:49,
archived)
that's nearly half eight, so much the samelololoooooololl...lol
:/
(:/
(|D[ekionplexis B3ta.com: fictional child porn is OK,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:51,
archived)
I'll have hair in REALLY weird places h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega..,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:52,
archived)
In 2021I will have perfected the art of replying pithily to internet competitions. And I'll have a signed copy of Capital next to my copy of The Debt to Pleasure.
(
Enzyme is powered by sunlight,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:52,
archived)
I will be posting shitty pictures on b3ta and wondering what the fuck I have done with my life Ham o' Shatner -.-- --- ..- .-. / .- .-.. .-.. / --. .- -.--,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:54,
archived)
I will be malnourished and tortured beyond reasonin a darkened basement somewhere in Japan.
(
Bourbon Fox Bourbon is a moron,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:55,
archived)
rueing the day you pushed Moggy too far h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega..,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:05,
archived)
in a darkened basement the back of a lorry
somewhere inJapan Cirencester
(somewhere in
Smallbrainfield,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:12,
archived)
In 2021I'll still be reading books printed on paper. Phew!
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:58,
archived)
Life in 2021 for me will be using this book as a really decent door stop
(,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:58,
archived)
In 2021I'll still be trying to work out one of Moggy's replies. And wondering why I care.
(
TheSundaeLunch I'm a fucking shrub, alright?,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:14,
archived)
If you The Scrunt Wants a Dozen Pints,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:39,
archived)
"What will your life be like in 2021?"It will consist, at least in part, of whimsically trawling through internet archives to find a historical record of this posting to see if I was right.
(
joefish It's hard for thee to kick against the pricks,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:19,
archived)
Rob will be internet billionaire cunt by then and will have deleted you
(
The Scrunt Wants a Dozen Pints,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:44,
archived)
My life in 2021 will consist mostly of me going:"Fuck, I wish it was 2012 again."
( emvee cruor deo cruoris,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:21,
archived)
I still will not have got rid of my kids
(
The Scrunt Wants a Dozen Pints,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:34,
archived)
Try smotheringOr a pinch of arsenic in the cornflakes every day.
(
Brandy_Bumwinkle,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:36,
archived)
I could but middle kid needs a stake to the heart
(
The Scrunt Wants a Dozen Pints,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:40,
archived)
Read itit's pretty good. Not as good as 'The Debt to Pleasure'.
(,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:54,
archived)
Fightingpeople dressed like Sigue Sique Sputnik for petrol. Actually, no, I'll be too old. Knitting a chain-mail dress for Tina Turner.
( Smallbrainfield,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:57,
archived)
In 2021 I would have celebrated my 46th birthday.It is not a particularly memorable one - not like the big four-oh or twenty one, but it is one I would have liked to have experienced, because another birthday is always better than the alternative.
( LordManley twitter.com/LordManley,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 15:01,
archived)
I actually want to win this, but am too pathetic to write anything witty.This suggests to me precisely how I will be in 2021, scrabbling by on whatever Cameron has left behind in the way of social security.
( LordManley twitter.com/LordManley,
Mon 19 Mar 2012, 11:32,
archived)
If i can describe my life at any stage, regardless of year, in less than fifty words, then I hope beyond hope that I am only one word.
Dead.
(Dead.
the pink chicken sniffer sniffs pink chickens.,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 15:05,
archived)
.是一个内容自由、任何人都能参与、并有多种语言的百科全书协作计划。我们的目标是建立一个完整、准确和中立的百科全书
( Pretender,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 15:06,
archived)
Is a content free, anyone can participate, and multilingual encyclopedia cooperative program. Our goal is to create a complete, accurate and neutral encyclopedia
( Brandy_Bumwinkle,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 15:17,
archived)
A bit like now......only shitter. And we'll all be sitting on our robotic hands so it feels like you're being wanked off by Metal Mickey.
(,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 15:10,
archived)
My life in 2012will mainly consist of making things go on fire
( CaptainCrackerjack live trout, slow motion,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 15:13,
archived)
In 2021 I’ll still be getting pointlessly worked up by people’s cavalier, devil-may-care usage of ‘less’ and ‘fewer’.
(
Wet-chinned bag shanker Cannot parse Wogan,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 15:31,
archived)
In 2021I'll be old enough to claim my free bus pass but there won't be any buses left because they keep cutting the routes down. I'll be lonely because I taught my kids to be independent (unlike I was) and consequently I hardly see them now. I need more than 50 words.
(
wuffle, the b3ta bunny 's flea collar isn't working on,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 16:06,
archived)
I'll still be trying to flog a book that'll never be as good as this one :(And will have sunk into a deep well of despair, gin and hopelessness. Oh yes, and everyone I love will have left me because writing is a very lonely, anti-social occupation. Meanwhile in Surrey, Mr Lanchester will be swimming in his champagne-filled pool and sexing pretty ladies.
See, I can't even stick to word limits.
(See, I can't even stick to word limits.
Yo 'Ho of Charlie mass-market saucetrepreneur,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 16:12,
archived)
In 2021 I'll have been waiting for my flying car as promised by Tomorrow's World for 21 years.
Lord Gnome,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 16:31,
archived)
2021I will be groaning in effort as I carry out simple tasks like sitting down and standing as my relatively lithe 20 something frame becomes a mid 30s corpulent flab bucket.
Or possibly by then we'll have robots to do the sitting and standing for us and I'll just be a massive brain strapped into a hover bike.
Or more likely is that everything will be like now put more polluted, poorer for nearly all, richer for a few but with the comfort of quicker internet connections. That's probably what the book says right?
(,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 18:48,
archived)
Or possibly by then we'll have robots to do the sitting and standing for us and I'll just be a massive brain strapped into a hover bike.
Or more likely is that everything will be like now put more polluted, poorer for nearly all, richer for a few but with the comfort of quicker internet connections. That's probably what the book says right?
Future denied In 2021 I will be 67 years old and still working, assuming I can find work for a dinosaur of a coder. Retirement will not be an option because I won't have a pension and I may still be paying off my student loan (assuming I still meet the earnings threshold).
Thinking about this question made me realise that I will only have managed to do about half the things I wanted to do with my life.
The future is a vast yawning chasm of gloom whose slavering maw will eat us all and chew us slowly for the pleasure of savouring our pain.
All in all not much different really - so best keep our chins up.
(,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 19:42,
archived)
Thinking about this question made me realise that I will only have managed to do about half the things I wanted to do with my life.
The future is a vast yawning chasm of gloom whose slavering maw will eat us all and chew us slowly for the pleasure of savouring our pain.
All in all not much different really - so best keep our chins up.
Well I won't have to feed the gerbils anymore.Or I'll be the proud/distinctly-bored-of-rodent-keeping-now owner of some Guiness World Record breaking 10 year old gerbils.
(,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 21:30,
archived)
First, let me assure you that I am alive and well.I've been living happily these past eight months in the year 2012. The lightning bolt that hit the DeLorean caused a gigawatt overload which scrambled the time circuits, activated the flux capacitor, and sent me back to 2012. The overload shorted out the time circuits and destroyed the flying circuits. Unfortunately, the car will never fly again.
(,
Sat 17 Mar 2012, 0:17,
archived)
"What will your life be like in 2021?"Imagine a boot stamping on a human face forever." Less freedom, more fear and more poverty. Population growth, dwindling resources and Media control telling us what to think. Eventually, suicide will be my only escape. Either that or riding my electric bike as my cyborg homehelp washes the dishes.
( Rev. Jayneflakes Buy my book, I need the cash for drugs and hookers,
Sat 17 Mar 2012, 10:40,
archived)
Just as bad......hopefully.
( Yoofaloof 'I like it here, wherever it is...',
Sat 17 Mar 2012, 11:52,
archived)
I will beWorking for Weyland Corp in their cybernetics dept, putting the finishing touches to my synthetic pig spy-bot. Laughing at all those who ever told me that a pig shaped spy-bot was an impossible dream.
Or in a cardboard box under a road bridge.
(,
Sat 17 Mar 2012, 19:22,
archived)
Or in a cardboard box under a road bridge.
I imagine that I'll be wanking myself sillyin a virtual reality machine situated in the cupboard under the stairs.
Hopefully the graphics will have come on since Craig Charles' Cyberzone, as I'm not sure I like the idea of rutting with a cube.
(Hopefully the graphics will have come on since Craig Charles' Cyberzone, as I'm not sure I like the idea of rutting with a cube.
monkeon schmonkeon,
Sun 18 Mar 2012, 11:40,
archived)
2021. I have high hopes....1. Jeremy Kyle will have his own TV channel named ITV1.
2. We won't shit - it will be teleported from our bowels. Shitting will still be an option for those who like a nice poo.
3. All shops will be like Argos where we pay and then have to queue.
4. Bathroom taps (or for our American cousins, *TAPS*) will be more confusing than ever.
5. The Olympics will involve everyone on the entire planet. It will have been replaced by internet connected Wii boxes.
6. Wild animals will have become domestic pets. They will have been bred to be under 1 foot tall. Crocodiles are already in this category.
7. We will not cook food. Simply plug a cable into the socket on the food container and it will heat itself.
8. Ironing will be out of fashion. Crumpled clothes will be (hopefully).
9. Nanites in our clothes will cleanse our skin. Bathing will only be for sexual gratification - this may already be happening.
10. The internet will be renamed to "Telly".
11. SD cards will have become so small that they are constantly lost leading to a slew of rubbish pictures all over the place that anyone can pick up using an "SD Magnet" on every public highway.
12. The Nintendo DS will be a face wrap-around device.
13. Oil will have replaced champagne as a posh drink.
14. Going on a cruise holiday will be a dangerous sport.
15. We will all insure our insurance.
16. Any foodstuff will optionally be made to taste of bacon.
17. Dyson will invent a vacuum cleaner based upon a cube design that all 'trendy' people will pay £500 for.
18. August riots will have their own bank-holiday and be colloquially known as "La Pamplona".
19. Virgin will have developed the Space Elevator using a carbon nanotube cable. It will be the most boring space travel ever.
20. Everything will have the ability to hover.
21. Only those who own a Dyson Cubeuum will be eligible to vote.
22. High-flying bankers will have become robots who just press buttons on a whim. Occasionally one will attempt to escape and run around spitting flaming junk bonds at random people.
23. The police will be totally taken over by jumped-up little shits with a degree in arsology.
24. The UK national dish will be bacon curry.
25. I won't have finished that ship I'm trying to build.
26. We will only email via spam.
27. Public advertisements will not exist. They will only be shown when we touch something. This will make them more targeted. Just think what'll happen when you get a bit rumpy with your partner.
28. Everything we buy will begin with an "i" but anything not made by Apple will be pronounced differently. "iPPad", for example. Or "iInglenook Fireplace".
29. Derren Brown will be the main religion but those who follow him won't know why.
30. We will have discovered why birds suddenly appear every time you are near.
31. Taking your girlfriend up the Oxo Tower in London will still be funny.
32. Red Bull will still not make anything.
33. That stone that I placed on a wall in St Pauls Cathedral when I was 9 (1978) will still be there.
34. PVRs will watch TV for you before it's broadcast, giving you prior notice of time to not watch TV.
35. The only way to pay for anything will be by Paypal.
36. Chocolate fireguards will be in use by everyone.
37. All politicians will be the same person.
38. Cars will have wheels the size of castors so as to reduce the friction and therefore make them be more efficient.
39. Cars will also have their void spaces filled with helium to make them weigh less.
40. Paving slabs will have serial numbers on them and whoever steps on them will choose that number and bet a penny. A national lottery will take place every 15 seconds.
41. The use of jigsaws will be limited to making jigsaws.
42. Tesco will be the only shop available (in an Argos stylee).
43. Emoticons will actually be a real face sent in a parcel.
44. Hats will be outlawed.
45. Licorice Allsorts will become part of state benefits.
46. A teeny weeny SD card will become everyones passport. That they will lose. The epitomy of economy of scale.
47. The economy will be run around the Euro-Fighter. Everyone will trade in war planes.
48. Airfix will start making full-size versions of everything. Brilliant!
49. Stones on paths will become a regimented size to match shoe tread leading to better traction while walking and therefore better for the economy.
50. The edges of the British Isles will be smoothed out so that water can pass by more efficently and give us a chance to use it for hydro-electricity.
/EDIT: Oh. 50 words? Bugger
(2. We won't shit - it will be teleported from our bowels. Shitting will still be an option for those who like a nice poo.
3. All shops will be like Argos where we pay and then have to queue.
4. Bathroom taps (or for our American cousins, *TAPS*) will be more confusing than ever.
5. The Olympics will involve everyone on the entire planet. It will have been replaced by internet connected Wii boxes.
6. Wild animals will have become domestic pets. They will have been bred to be under 1 foot tall. Crocodiles are already in this category.
7. We will not cook food. Simply plug a cable into the socket on the food container and it will heat itself.
8. Ironing will be out of fashion. Crumpled clothes will be (hopefully).
9. Nanites in our clothes will cleanse our skin. Bathing will only be for sexual gratification - this may already be happening.
10. The internet will be renamed to "Telly".
11. SD cards will have become so small that they are constantly lost leading to a slew of rubbish pictures all over the place that anyone can pick up using an "SD Magnet" on every public highway.
12. The Nintendo DS will be a face wrap-around device.
13. Oil will have replaced champagne as a posh drink.
14. Going on a cruise holiday will be a dangerous sport.
15. We will all insure our insurance.
16. Any foodstuff will optionally be made to taste of bacon.
17. Dyson will invent a vacuum cleaner based upon a cube design that all 'trendy' people will pay £500 for.
18. August riots will have their own bank-holiday and be colloquially known as "La Pamplona".
19. Virgin will have developed the Space Elevator using a carbon nanotube cable. It will be the most boring space travel ever.
20. Everything will have the ability to hover.
21. Only those who own a Dyson Cubeuum will be eligible to vote.
22. High-flying bankers will have become robots who just press buttons on a whim. Occasionally one will attempt to escape and run around spitting flaming junk bonds at random people.
23. The police will be totally taken over by jumped-up little shits with a degree in arsology.
24. The UK national dish will be bacon curry.
25. I won't have finished that ship I'm trying to build.
26. We will only email via spam.
27. Public advertisements will not exist. They will only be shown when we touch something. This will make them more targeted. Just think what'll happen when you get a bit rumpy with your partner.
28. Everything we buy will begin with an "i" but anything not made by Apple will be pronounced differently. "iPPad", for example. Or "iInglenook Fireplace".
29. Derren Brown will be the main religion but those who follow him won't know why.
30. We will have discovered why birds suddenly appear every time you are near.
31. Taking your girlfriend up the Oxo Tower in London will still be funny.
32. Red Bull will still not make anything.
33. That stone that I placed on a wall in St Pauls Cathedral when I was 9 (1978) will still be there.
34. PVRs will watch TV for you before it's broadcast, giving you prior notice of time to not watch TV.
35. The only way to pay for anything will be by Paypal.
36. Chocolate fireguards will be in use by everyone.
37. All politicians will be the same person.
38. Cars will have wheels the size of castors so as to reduce the friction and therefore make them be more efficient.
39. Cars will also have their void spaces filled with helium to make them weigh less.
40. Paving slabs will have serial numbers on them and whoever steps on them will choose that number and bet a penny. A national lottery will take place every 15 seconds.
41. The use of jigsaws will be limited to making jigsaws.
42. Tesco will be the only shop available (in an Argos stylee).
43. Emoticons will actually be a real face sent in a parcel.
44. Hats will be outlawed.
45. Licorice Allsorts will become part of state benefits.
46. A teeny weeny SD card will become everyones passport. That they will lose. The epitomy of economy of scale.
47. The economy will be run around the Euro-Fighter. Everyone will trade in war planes.
48. Airfix will start making full-size versions of everything. Brilliant!
49. Stones on paths will become a regimented size to match shoe tread leading to better traction while walking and therefore better for the economy.
50. The edges of the British Isles will be smoothed out so that water can pass by more efficently and give us a chance to use it for hydro-electricity.
/EDIT: Oh. 50 words? Bugger
Fr_Jerry_McGwier looked over both shoulders at,
Sun 18 Mar 2012, 13:12,
archived)
Like AmericaNot Nice America - open top cars and hot women in bikinis - but nasty America: Detroit after Motor City, where everything is for sale but nobody has any money for anything except fast food and guns. Only with added British drizzle, dogshit, snobbery and bad tempers.
( shinyshinyscalp less a man, more a way of life,
Tue 20 Mar 2012, 14:00,
archived)
Life in 2021We'll all have jetpacks to get around with, all our meals will be little pills - one will be roast beef flavour, another will be ice cream etc. All diseases will be cured and we will live till we are 250. Robots will do all our housework and we will live on the moon...
As fuck it, just gimme my Blue Peter badge.
(And this book, because I only listened to 3 of the days where it was Book at Bedtime on Radio 4 last week, and for a change it sounded quite good)
(,
Tue 20 Mar 2012, 20:56,
archived)
As fuck it, just gimme my Blue Peter badge.
(And this book, because I only listened to 3 of the days where it was Book at Bedtime on Radio 4 last week, and for a change it sounded quite good)
I'll have finally finished cloning every single current Tory and Lib Dem MP 50 times each, butwith a subtle genetic defect in each clone, so each one of the selfish cunts can be condemned to slowly die 50 different preventable deaths in the ruins of the NHS.
( Pope Shax XIII uses Visio for picture editing, does it show?,
Wed 21 Mar 2012, 7:25,
archived)
passed out on a park bench drenched in piss and Aldi's own whisky...9 months unemployed, and counting...
(,
Thu 22 Mar 2012, 11:56,
archived)
More of a lighterfluid kind of guy? Wildyles is back to rimming chimps,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:33,
archived)
Watched that for the first time last nightand thought to myself that someone somewhere must have tried keeping up with the drinks as the film runs. (apart from the lighter fluid, prefer meths myself)
*clicked *
(*clicked *
Turdos last had the shites,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:39,
archived)
I can only imagine that it would be fatal (even without the lighter fluid) Wildyles is back to rimming chimps,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:42,
archived)
Im sure I've heard of this being done.By students, probably.
( Smallbrainfield,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:45,
archived)
Ask a student...It is a well known drinking game. Either match them drink for drink, or just take "a drink" each time they drink something. 107mins to get through the booze in that poster.
I have the 20th Anniversary DVD and one of the extras is someone attempting this...
(I have the 20th Anniversary DVD and one of the extras is someone attempting this...
Batter Pudding Hurler is a figment of your imagination,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 19:09,
archived)
Two large gins. Two pints of cider. Ice in the cider Wasp Box like a nervous random stranger at a glory hole,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:51,
archived)
I should add the ice. Also should it be a pint as well? Wildyles is back to rimming chimps,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:30,
archived)
Didn't anyone tell you... FeralCatMan Unusual disease collector.,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:51,
archived)
Yes! no, no.... no wait, what? Wildyles is back to rimming chimps,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:57,
archived)
You should never mix your drinks. FeralCatMan Unusual disease collector.,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 15:24,
archived)
Yes but, he has shagged Katy Perry (one amongst many other very tasty ladies he's had), so I doubt he's that bothered about his status with b3tans.
( Smallbrainfield,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:13,
archived)
yeah, but katy perry isn't really a great boast real i'm not happy 'til you're not happy,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:20,
archived)
^ nice tits, shame about the face Ham o' Shatner -.-- --- ..- .-. / .- .-.. .-.. / --. .- -.--,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:33,
archived)
I expect his amount of fuck-giving on the matter is low mr horrible up yours, dickface,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:21,
archived)
..(
The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:23,
archived)
He doesn't know thatHe's probably shagged Zooey Deschanel and just thinks it's Katy Perry
( emvee cruor deo cruoris,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:26,
archived)
Pearoasting hamtoucherand no mistake.
No fucking need, dear.
(No fucking need, dear.
LordManley twitter.com/LordManley,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 12:49,
archived)
oh, tsknaughty Sunshine Elephant!
( mr horrible up yours, dickface,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 12:49,
archived)
I now have a chocolate wheeto stuck in the back of my noseyou cunt.
( LordManley twitter.com/LordManley,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:01,
archived)
They're fighting on top of a gigantic egg custard
(
drimble he'd been white, he'd been black,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 12:50,
archived)
excellentlove the cat auduience
( The Twisted Omentum vidi vici veni,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 12:57,
archived)
Papier mache shells for catsturn your cat into a snail, green cigar included free
(,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:05,
archived)
what language are... Ham o' Shatner -.-- --- ..- .-. / .- .-.. .-.. / --. .- -.--,
Sat 17 Mar 2012, 3:02,
archived)
...you talking, man? Ham o' Shatner -.-- --- ..- .-. / .- .-.. .-.. / --. .- -.--,
Sat 17 Mar 2012, 3:03,
archived)
ArfTasty pea
( dazbrilliantwhites has been meaning to change this...,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:04,
archived)
good fucking god manare you drunk?
( mr horrible up yours, dickface,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:05,
archived)
I particularly like the snail with the tache Wasp Box like a nervous random stranger at a glory hole,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:45,
archived)
TWO COCKS ENTERONE COCK LEAVES
( h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega..,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 15:15,
archived)
Sign the petition, join the cause!
My own pea from Monday
King_Eric has been ok since,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 15:32,
archived)
Not RegulationThe CDC on the left loses by disqualification. Not magenta enough.
(,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 22:47,
archived)
Correct soundtrack as suggested by a friend of mine...(
Evilsprinkles Shitting glitter,
Mon 19 Mar 2012, 23:37,
archived)
Good to see you againKnew it was yours as soon as I saw it...
(the cock on the left)
(,
Tue 20 Mar 2012, 17:33,
archived)
(the cock on the left)
Wait until you see the whites of their eyes.
LordManley twitter.com/LordManley,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 12:46,
archived)
further proof that kermit is gay inexpressible started a joke on,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 12:58,
archived)
jedi hate cats
Ham o' Shatner -.-- --- ..- .-. / .- .-.. .-.. / --. .- -.--,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 12:26,
archived)
not that I know of, but I`m still a noob Ham o' Shatner -.-- --- ..- .-. / .- .-.. .-.. / --. .- -.--,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 12:48,
archived)
would make an ace compopleasing both the trekies and the furries
(
hekim 66 ɐʇƐ𐐒 ʞɔnℲ uooW,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:04,
archived)
yay! fluffeh wins out :)glad he doesn't try and stick them back in his pockets
( maggenspies mayhaps,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 21:33,
archived)
i've had a few careless porks and I am doing just fine
PedroHin Come along & ride on a Flantastic Voyage,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 12:22,
archived)
This is hamazing !I love Fougasse's simple style
(
Dick Wonder ₐ wₒₙₖy, wₐᵥy wₒₙdₑᵣ,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:04,
archived)
hahahaHow odd I'm sure there was a giant pic up here somewhere please excuse the repea
( hekim 66 ɐʇƐ𐐒 ʞɔnℲ uooW,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 12:05,
archived)
do love this muchlyThe happy expression, the cap, the jumper, the rocking motion. Its just ace.
*clicks again*
(*clicks again*
taters Bah weep grahnah weep ninibong,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 12:33,
archived)
that`s twice in two days that`s happened to younice pic :)
( Ham o' Shatner -.-- --- ..- .-. / .- .-.. .-.. / --. .- -.--,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:03,
archived)
yes serves me right for making use of wasted threads :) hekim 66 ɐʇƐ𐐒 ʞɔnℲ uooW,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:05,
archived)
hahaha I may forward this to my friend who is a total card carrying feminist
( h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega..,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 12:08,
archived)
what is a card carrying feminist? real i'm not happy 'til you're not happy,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 12:14,
archived)
but what's a feminist? real i'm not happy 'til you're not happy,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:21,
archived)
"What the hell would you know about feminism?You're only a woman."
Actually said this to one once. Actually, this one is more tasteful. Well in my eyes it is.
(Actually said this to one once. Actually, this one is more tasteful. Well in my eyes it is.
Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet.,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 12:14,
archived)
hahahaha h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega..,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 12:25,
archived)
I love the way he nearly fucks it up when he swaps handsbehind his back.
( Smallbrainfield,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 12:14,
archived)
yeah rightit's a non-stick pan too
( real i'm not happy 'til you're not happy,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 12:16,
archived)
Must've been a sharkshooter that killed him.
(
atomic A-bomb-a-nation,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:52,
archived)
IKRneeds to be larger and have a bunch of soldiers in his hand
and some sick, piss, and shit
(,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 11:21,
archived)
and some sick, piss, and shit
yes, wolfsick PedroHin Come along & ride on a Flantastic Voyage,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 11:22,
archived)
i like the subtle hulio van noosisalso..ONEE TOOO THREEE!!
www.b3ta.com/links/Absurd_Neanderthal_voice_theory
(www.b3ta.com/links/Absurd_Neanderthal_voice_theory
(|D[ekionplexis B3ta.com: fictional child porn is OK,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 11:26,
archived)
is that little boat being blown out, or sucked into the beast's massive vag? real i'm not happy 'til you're not happy,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 11:33,
archived)
answer me god damn it!don't make me use capital letters!
( real i'm not happy 'til you're not happy,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 11:49,
archived)
wtf? steady now nice :D
( Ham o' Shatner -.-- --- ..- .-. / .- .-.. .-.. / --. .- -.--,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 12:35,
archived)
£20 extra if you want a parachute...
Jsysco is mostly a lurker, mostly,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 11:12,
archived)
.. and another £20 if you want to carry it with you on the flight.
(
Captain Howdy,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 11:26,
archived)
£20 extraTo not have to jump out the door at the front
( ferret -> twitter.com/syfyautocorrect <-,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 11:43,
archived)
inspired by chuck Ham o' Shatner -.-- --- ..- .-. / .- .-.. .-.. / --. .- -.--,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 12:37,
archived)
nun-related:i think i found a photo of dave moggy
poorlydressed.failblog.org/2012/03/14/fashion-fail-i-have-that-issue-of-nintendo-power/
(poorlydressed.failblog.org/2012/03/14/fashion-fail-i-have-that-issue-of-nintendo-power/
inexpressible started a joke on,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 11:10,
archived)
can't be. this is dave
real i'm not happy 'til you're not happy,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 11:12,
archived)
i didn't know dave is mr miagi's brother:)
( inexpressible started a joke on,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 11:19,
archived)
it's not b3ta if you don't learn something new each visit real i'm not happy 'til you're not happy,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 11:35,
archived)
HahahahahahahahahahahaTHIS...then Lord of the Rings :)
Happy days
(Happy days
Ninj,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 11:57,
archived)
Have an early Happy Paddys Day!
Design inspired totally by the great Stephen Wildish!
Q4nobody,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 10:56,
archived)
So, I am just charming and good looking then? LordManley twitter.com/LordManley,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 10:58,
archived)
hahaBeing Irish, I'm allowed to be. If you've a fucking problem with it then kindly step outside!
( Q4nobody,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 11:07,
archived)
I'm still not sure how it all worksA good friend of mine married into a very large family from Derry, and at one of their barbeques her brother-in-law was drunkenly asking another of our mates (because her surname begins with O'Something) "Are ye a Mick, den? D'ye have any Mick in ye?" and so on.
Intrigued, I enquired how one defined a "Mick", and if it was quantatively different from, say, a "Paddy". He was not amused to say the least and went on a spittle-flecked rant about the "Spike Lee rule" and how "Youse can't say it but wese can!"
Which amused me no end because although surnames have changed due to marriage (we used to be called Foley), my family's only 3 generations out of Cork, while my friend's family have been in England longer than that, despite her Irish-sounding surname.
(Intrigued, I enquired how one defined a "Mick", and if it was quantatively different from, say, a "Paddy". He was not amused to say the least and went on a spittle-flecked rant about the "Spike Lee rule" and how "Youse can't say it but wese can!"
Which amused me no end because although surnames have changed due to marriage (we used to be called Foley), my family's only 3 generations out of Cork, while my friend's family have been in England longer than that, despite her Irish-sounding surname.
emvee cruor deo cruoris,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 11:17,
archived)
So you didn't establish how much Mick is needed before you can say Mick then? Wasp Box like a nervous random stranger at a glory hole,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 11:22,
archived)
Well I guess it makes me a "quarter" Irish?Assuming Irishness isn't limited to passing through the male chromosome or anything like that...
( emvee cruor deo cruoris,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 11:34,
archived)
i'm going to assume that having an irish accent would be sufficient real i'm not happy 'til you're not happy,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 11:40,
archived)
I could do a vaguely passable oneI fear that may have worsened the situation though
( emvee cruor deo cruoris,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 11:44,
archived)
all i can say in an irish accent is"i'd like a litre of petrol" (in a northern ireland accent)
which given that half of my family is in dublin, it's pretty shameful
(which given that half of my family is in dublin, it's pretty shameful
real i'm not happy 'til you're not happy,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 11:49,
archived)
Any excuse for a fight for some ignorant twats?I'm from Tyrone myself, married an wonderful English lady and 12 years ago, I came to live in her beautiful country (which I almost love as much as Ireland now). My 6 year old son will be shouting for England against Ireland tomorrow, when I watch the rugby and I'm a happy Paddy/Mick, whatever and proud.
( Q4nobody,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 11:28,
archived)
which bit of this country is beautiful?...if you don't mind me asking?
( real i'm not happy 'til you're not happy,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 11:41,
archived)
the bit that has my wife and 3 kids on it!:) (Somewhere in Sunny Surrey)
( Q4nobody,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 11:43,
archived)
ok. i've not spent much time in surreyi'm going to have assume it's beautiful as i've lived in many areas of england and beautiful is not a word that would spring to mind if i had to describe it ;)
( real i'm not happy 'til you're not happy,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 11:53,
archived)
Well yeah, I really wasn't looking for trouble, it was a genuine questionand considering I'm usually one of the first to take the piss out of the English, it did seem a bit of an overreaction. On a side note, my missus has greeny-blue eyes, ginger hair and a lilting (but definitely Canadian) accent and she gets mistaken for Irish by almost everyone she meets for the first time.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 11:43,
archived)
I used to get mistaken for Roy KeaneWhich didn't go down too well, by some, when I lived in Manchester!
( Q4nobody,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 11:52,
archived)
likes greenor is green?
( real i'm not happy 'til you're not happy,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 11:10,
archived)
minus the charming and good looking, i'd wager ;) real i'm not happy 'til you're not happy,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 11:37,
archived)
The Hulk's Irish?Bruce O'Banner?
( Jsysco is mostly a lurker, mostly,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 11:17,
archived)
skipped class when venn diagrams were covered, i see;)
( real i'm not happy 'til you're not happy,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 11:38,
archived)
aww I miss the Toucan in Sohomany a happy 10 pints down in their basement bar :)
( hekim 66 ɐʇƐ𐐒 ʞɔnℲ uooW,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 11:50,
archived)
today I have learned that kermit and hulk are Irishwoo
( Ham o' Shatner -.-- --- ..- .-. / .- .-.. .-.. / --. .- -.--,
Fri 16 Mar 2012, 12:40,
archived)
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